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Jim starts riding a dirt bike around Schrute Farms. Dwight allows it, but tells Jim to please be careful. "No problem, fatso!" says Jim as he zooms off without a care in the world. Dwight tends to some work in the barn and Mose walks out into the field to enjoy the beautiful day. Jim is not paying attention (as per usual) and crashes his bike into Mose, breaking his neck and skull, painfully killing him. Dwight hears the commotion and steps outside, finding Mose dead on the ground as Jim zooms away on his motorbike. Dwight heads deep into the forests of Scranton after being told than an old witch lives there, one who might be able to resurrect Mose if Dwight moves quickly enough. Dwight finds the old hag's shack and begs her to bring Mose back to life. She says that's beyond her power, but that she can help Dwight get revenge. Blinded by anger, Dwight agrees to this. The witch uses some of Dwight's blood in a strange ritual and summons Beethead, an ancient spirit of vengeance. Beethead leaves the shack to get his revenge on Jim. Dwight realizes what he's unleashed and begs the witch to stop the monster, but she simply laughs and says that it cannot be stopped until the cycle of revenge is complete. Dwight rushes out of the shack to save Jim. He does not see the witch remove the elaborate latex makeup on "her" face, revealing that she has been Jim the whole time. The other Jim is still doing dirtbike stunts (mostly jumping over paint cans doing donuts) when Beethead catches up to him. Beethead is a tall, gangly creature that looks a lot like the xenomorph from the movie alien. Its face resembles a shrunken and rotten beet, hence its name. Jim is completely oblivious to the monster, but Dwight fires a shotgun blast at the monster to slow him down. It does nothing to stop the monster, however, and a desperate Dwight finally throws himself at the creature to try and slow him down. The monster uses its massive claws to tear Dwight apart, leaving him bleeding to death on the ground. Jim zooms past on his dirtbike and waves at Beethead, who waves back at him. Jim brings the bike to a stop and hugs Beethead, who then removes his own head, revealing a sweaty Jim underneath. "Woof, that suit gets HOT in the sun. Talk about sweaty!" "You said it buddy. How's the other Jim doing?" "Good! He loves pretending to be a witch, he's good at it. I told him to try out for Wicked, but we'll see." "Cool, cool. Well, I gotta get back to dirtbike tricks! See you next time!" The Jims embrace one final time and Beethead Jim puts the suit's head back on before heading back into the woods. Dirtbike Jim jumps Dwight's corpse, kicking dirt up on the body. Dirtbike Jim mugs for the camera since he doesn't wear a helmet or any safety gear while riding his bike.
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Sep 7, 2021 15:17
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| # ? May 29, 2024 04:23 |
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Dwight brags about how much he loves his wife Angela. Jim says he loves Pam more. And that they went through adversity to get together that caught Dwight would never understand. Dwight says that he and Angela had a lot of adversity including her getting married to another man, while Pam was only engaged. Jim says he loves Pam across time, space, and death, can Dwight say the same? Dwight says he doesn't understand what Jim is talking about. Jim says he will kill both of their wives and see who still loves them the most. The first to move with their lives and stop grieving on loses the contest. Dwight says that's insane and calls the police and asks Pam to bring the kids to their farm until Jim has gotten some psychologied treatment. Pam looks at Jim and Jim shakes his head and Pam says no it's ok. Dwight says he's going to get a restraining order to protect his family at least. Jim says a piece of paper and a law of man can't stop him from walking right in his house and doing what he wants. Dwight takes Angela home and packs immediately and they fly to Paris to get away from Jim while police and lawyers sort out things in Scranton. They won't go back until they feel safe. He reads in the paper the next day that Jim did in fact kill his wife and escaped the country by plane before they could catch him. The flight was to Prague but when the authorities went to grab him when it landed he wasn't on the plane. A postcard arrives at his hotel with no return address that is a picture of Pam's tombstone and the words "You did this Dwight". Another one is slipped under his hotel door when he returns with a picture of an empty grave that says "Future grave for Angela". Dwight tells Angela he no longer loves her and is divorcing her right away. Because of this Jim wins the bet and no longer has reason to pursue her. Dwight returns to Scranton a broken man. The office is now a broken place and there is no joy there. Dwight opens his file cabinet and found it full of rotting jello that must have been placed there weeks ago.
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Sep 7, 2021 16:12
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Jim brings a massive sword into the office and struggles to carry it around. "Watch this!" he says as he starts to swing the sword in a circle above his head. He quickly loses his grip and the sword smashes into Dwight's desk, destroying his framed, autographed photo of Jeffrey Combs. The autograph was personalized, saying "To my good friend Dwight, keep reanimating those paper sales!" Dwight asks what the hell Jim was trying to do and he says "Trying to destroy that photo, obviously." while smiling smugly.
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Sep 7, 2021 17:18
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Sep 7, 2021 22:54
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Jim sticks his tongue out at Dwight whenever Dwight isn't looking.
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Sep 8, 2021 01:52
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Jim walks up to Angela on casino night and kisses her longingly, despite her being engaged to Dwight. “I guess I just have a thing for engaged ladies,” he tells the camera in confessional.
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Sep 8, 2021 01:58
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Jim insists he had the titular line in Star Wars.
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Sep 8, 2021 01:59
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Jim invites an angry mob to change Dwight’s beet farm with pitchforks and torches
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Sep 8, 2021 02:21
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Jim and Dwight hold hands beneath the desk as they bicker. Everybody knows, but nobody says anything anyway.
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Sep 8, 2021 02:25
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Jim breaks a loaf of bread and hands Dwight a piece. As Dwight takes a bite, Jim says "This is my body which is for you. Do this in remembrance of me." In the same way also he took the cup, after supper, saying, "This cup is the new covenant in my blood. Do this, as often as you drink it, in remembrance of me."
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Sep 8, 2021 03:36
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Dwight asks Jim for the price of a single piece of A4 copy paper. Jim refuses to answer. This continues for 15 minutes.
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Sep 8, 2021 04:04
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Jim slowly fuses into the machinery in the basement of the building, creating a horrific merger of machinery and fleshy tissue. Using his psionic powers, he draws in an army to himself to do his bidding. He mentally commands Kevin and Michael to kidnap Dwight and bring him downstairs. As Dwight is lowered into the vat to create a super mutant, some of the tissues that were once Jim mug for the camera with all three of his eyes and both his mouths.
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Sep 8, 2021 04:30
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Jim says to Dwight, “Hey, Dwight, I heard you were into BOFA.” “What’s ‘bofa?’” scoffs Dwight. “Big Ol” Farting Anuses!” shouts Jim, leaping up on the desk and farting bare-assed in Dwight’s face.
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Sep 8, 2021 12:18
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Jim holds his finger and his thumb in the shape of an L on his forehead and tells Dwight "The world is gonna roll you. You ain't the sharpest tool in the shed"
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Sep 8, 2021 12:40
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Jim tells Dwight that the years start coming and they don't stop coming "Yes, I'm well aware of how time works, Jim," Dwight responds dryly Jim pulls out a tommygun and just starts unloading clip after clip into Dwight. When the police gather the bullets for evidence, they see tiny numbers etched into them, starting at 1970 Jim mugs to the jailhouse camera
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Sep 8, 2021 13:03
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Applewhite posted:Jim says to Dwight, “Hey, Dwight, I heard you were into BOFA.” This sounds a lot like a Blecky Yuckerella strip. Not any specific one, just all of them.
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Sep 8, 2021 13:11
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Dwight's desk drawer is stuck. He calls maintenance to fix it and when the maintenance man finally gets the drawer open he gets a spring-loaded custard pie right in his face. Jim mugs apologetically at the maintenance man.
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Sep 8, 2021 13:43
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Dwight gets stuck in the washing machine, his bottom sticking towards a door. As he calls for help, he notices the sound of familiar footsteps coming closer. "What are you doing here, stepbro?" From his vantage point behind a well placed set of boxes, Jim mugs for the camera before turning it around to film the coming scene. His pants are around his ankles
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Sep 8, 2021 13:53
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Jim hires a woman to attack Dwight in a club that he lures him to. He has also paid off the customers. After surviving the beating Dwight calls the police to report his assailant. "She had apple bottom jeans. Boots with the fur. The whole club was looking at her. She hit the floor and the next thing you know she went low(that's how he says that she swept the leg)". The police arrest him for making crank calls
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Sep 8, 2021 13:54
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Like most Friday nights, Jim is filling his time sending random emails to unknown people while his children cry and Pam drowns her sorrows in a bottle of wine and prescription pain medication. Jim receives an email back from an address that's just a random series of letters and numbers, claiming to be from a hyper intelligent artificial intelligence. "Cool, talk about blast processing!" says Jim, stupidly, as he continues to exchange emails with this supposed intelligence. Jim agrees to sell out humanity to this computer, in exchange for "an immortal robot body" and the ability to prank Dwight one final time before the end. Over the next 5 years, Jim helps this AI (now known as ENDGAME) grow in scale until it's able to gain control of the defense systems of every major country in the world. Jim's brain is transferred into a robot body as per their agreement, and he heads to Dunder Mifflin before the nukes start flying. "Hey Dwight, did you see they wrote 'gullible' on the ceiling?" screams the chrome skeleton in a terrifying, electronic voice. It's neon green eyes blaze with fury and madness and the entire office begins to panic. Michael rushes out, saying that he read on AOL News that the nukes are flying. He vomits in terror at the sight of Jim's new body. "Dwight, look at the ceiling, there's a word up there! Look!" Jim points a deadly claw at the ceiling and continues screeching in his bizarre new voice. Dwight has already fled, grabbing Angela and heading for safety. "No, Dwight, seriously. They wrote it on the ceiling. Gullible! The word is written up there! I Guess the painters did it, maybe!" The nukes land and the United States is wiped out in an instant. Jim's perfect metal body stands there, unharmed, as all of Dunder Mifflin is erased from history. "Up... on the ceiling. They wrote it. Look. It's up there." There is only silence.
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Sep 8, 2021 14:42
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It's 2020 and interest in the Office has reached an all time high since the show went off the air. Riding this wave of pandemic-driven enthusiasm, Brian Baumgartner launches a new podcast where he talks about the show and interviews various cast member, directors, writers, and producers. During the episode with John Kransinski there's an awkward exchange between Brian and John when John mentions the "Balloon boy that didn't air... the one I did" and Brian shushes him and tells his producer to the cut the mic. Fans pick up on the exchange and start clamoring for the missing episode. What happened to it? Why? During an appearance on the Today Show promoting a Netflix movie he's starring in, Rainn reacts poorly when asked about it by Ryan Seacrest, telling him bluntly "I'm not talking abut that." John refuses to answer any questions about it, just nodding his head and smiling when asked. Finally after months of speculation a video of the missing episode appears on torrent sites. Nobody knows who uploaded it. The cut is rough and the content is... disturbing...
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Sep 8, 2021 17:44
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It's board game day at the office, one of corporate's new plans to help foster teamwork and communication. Jim brings in Monopoly and insists that they play by the real rules. 19 days later, the game is still continuing. Jim mugs for the camera as the rest of the office (including Dwight) begs for the game to end.
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Sep 8, 2021 20:10
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Jim tells Dwight that he has Angela's lewd pics and won't share them with Dwight unless he gives Jim enough butter to become a buttersculptor. This is the cold open. The first scene after the credits is Dwight delivering 22 gallons of butter to Jim, who immediately pours all the buckets out in the breakroom and begins squeezing butter between his toes. This takes up the remaining 19 minutes of the episode, which is entirely tight shots of the butter being squeezed between Jim's toes occasionally intercut with ultra-tight shots of part of Jim's face as he mugs for the camera. This episode sweeps the Emmys that year and John Krasinski, who was directing, gives every acceptance speech simply by asking "did you get it? Did you get that it was a prank on Dwight?"
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Sep 8, 2021 20:31
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Pam and Roy are planning their wedding at work, including trying to pick a honeymoon destination. "Honeymoons are a waste of money," complains Dwight, "They'd be better off investing their eight thousand dollars in a sensible mutual fund. Then they could put a down payment on a house in a few years, when they're planning on having kids." Jim just looks depressed, and shoots longing glances at Pam. She looks a little embarrassed to be having the conversation with Roy at the reception desk, and tries to end the conversation. "OK, Roy. Sure. Let's go to Cancun, just like you want. I can always see Paris another year." Dwight snorts. "Cancun?" Three weeks later, the western coast of Mexico is destroyed by a series of simultaneous nuclear explosions that completely demolishes Cancun, among other cities. Jim smirks to himself while Oscar reads the news out loud to the shocked office from his computer. Relevant authorities from six nations are trying to determine the responsible terror groups. Dwight is mildly inconvenienced by the entire event. Only Jim knows that Dwight had always wanted to visit Cancun, and now he'll never get the chance.
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Sep 8, 2021 20:31
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A Fancy Hat posted:It's board game day at the office, one of corporate's new plans to help foster teamwork and communication. The real rules make the game go quite quickly. It's the weird canonical house rules people invented that make it go forever
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Sep 8, 2021 21:21
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Jim and Dwight are quietly working across from each other at their desks. "Hey Balloon Boy, look at this." whispers Jim. Dwight, sighing, glances up at Jim. Jim's horrifying visage immediately turns Dwight to stone. He is frozen in place. Jim takes the Dwight statute and drags it back to his workshop. He begins to chisel at it, slowly carving it. Changing it from a Dwight into the statue of a small boy holding a trio of floating balloons. Terribly, Dwight is fully conscious the entire time, and feels each blow. Jim places the statue in the local park, where he also places a plaque indicating that, somehow, the Balloon Boy is a hero of the confederacy. Dwight is protested daily for years. Two hundred years later, in Neo Scranton, a young boy walks through an abandoned park and finds a disheveled statue of a young boy his own age holding balloons. "He looks....sad."
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Sep 8, 2021 23:27
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Dwight is preparing to lead his brigade of light cavalry in an attack on some gun positions. Jim brings him an order from Michael, but tells Dwight to attack the guns in front, not the ones on the right. As Dwight and his cavalry speed away on their suicide mission, Jim mugs at the Daguerreotype.
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Sep 9, 2021 01:19
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Jim pours Dwight's chair away right before he sits down at his desk, causing Dwight to fall to the ground. Dwight fractures his coccyx, requiring him to undergo two surgeries and live with back pain for life. When he returns to the Office, Jim awkwardly tries to apologize, and says "Glad you're back," while mugging the camera.
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Sep 9, 2021 02:21
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Dwight is ecstatic at the news of a new Battlestar Galactica in production. Jim is lead writer.
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Sep 9, 2021 02:32
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Jim swaps Dwight’s aspartame sweetener with powdered lead.
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Sep 9, 2021 02:49
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Jim swaps Dwight’s stevia sweetener with ricin.
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Sep 9, 2021 03:07
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Dwight gets COVID and has to go on oxygen. Jim replaces the canister with his own farts.
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Sep 9, 2021 03:36
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Jim ropes Creed into a reenactment of the classic "Duck Season/Rabbit Season" sketch, swapping between "Jim season" and "Dwight season". Jim pulls the switch by declaring it to be "Jim season," and a fed up Dwight declares it to definitively be "Dwight season," prompting Creed to open fire on Dwight point-blank with a loaded 12-gauge shotgun. Dwight does not survive.
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Sep 9, 2021 10:54
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Jim shows up to work in a leather jacket, his hair in a floppy mohawk, with a new nose ring and earring. He sits down and stares at Dwight. When Dwight makes eye contact, Jim stands up and gets right in Dwight's face. "Oy, you looking for a beating, bruv? You fancy a little of the ol' fish n' chips? Queen's rules, guv'nor?" Dwight, exhausted with Jim's bullshit, just stands up and taps a finger on his chin, begging Jim to punch him and end whatever elaborate prank is being initiated here. Jim looks shocked and sits back down, then slowly removes his nose ring and earring (they're clip ons), takes off the leather jacket, and ruffles his hair until it lays flat on his head. Jim quietly sits at his desk for the rest of the day, doing more work than he's ever done. At the end of the day Dwight bids farewell to Jim and heads home. When he gets to Schrute Farms he finds a full-size replica of Big Ben sitting in front of the house. The clock starts chiming and the vibrations destroy the farm.
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Sep 9, 2021 14:22
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Dwight bites into his sandwich and chips a tooth. He asks Michael if he can take off early to visit the dentist, and Michael grants him the time off. Jim angrily asks why he can't get any time off for his chipped teeth, but even Michael has had enough of Jim's pranks and says that he can just leave as he wasn't doing any work anyway. Jim smiles smugly and says he's still going to chip his teeth. "Fine." says Michael, dryly. "Okay, Dwight, looks like I'm gonna chip my teeth!" "Dwight's gone, Jim. He left 10 minutes ago. Are you leaving or what?" Jim starts chewing on rocks and chunks of metal, destroying his teeth in the process. He spits up a mouthful of blood, tooth pieces, and metal. "Okay, can I go to the dentist NOW?" "Yes, for Christ's sake Jim just loving go. GO! Nobody wants you here, nobody likes you, your pranks are complete loving garbage. You're worse than garbage, because at least garbage was at one point useful. You're a drain on this office, you've ruined Pam's life and I dread coming into this loving office now because of you. Do you know what that means? You loving killed MY interest in this place. Me. Michael Scott. What does that loving tell you? HUH? HUH? Are you gonna say something or just stand there with that dumb loving look on your face?" Michael is shoving his finger in Jim's chest, furiously spitting out every single word. He's red in the face with anger, completely unlike Michael. "Well I need to wait a little bit. It's not quite two thirty yet." "Two thirty?" "Yeah, TOOTH HURTY!" says Jim, smugly, as he mugs for the camera.
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Sep 9, 2021 19:34
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Jim starts to vibrate so quickly that he disappears. A few seconds later, with his clothes torn and dirty, Jim limps in from the front door, leaves a bloody handprint against the reception desk, and collapses into his desk chair. He then quietly resumes work.
poisonpill fucked around with this message at 19:41 on Sep 9, 2021 |
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Sep 9, 2021 19:35
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Jim hires an Asian man to pretend that he's Jim and always has been.
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Sep 9, 2021 21:37
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Jim (who is actually an Asian-American man) pays actor John Krasinsky the two million dollars he owes John for coming to work every day for the past nine years and pretending to be Jim. "I've got it from here" says Jim, mugging the camera.
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Sep 9, 2021 22:31
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Jim reveals to Dwight that an Asian-American man he knows only as “Jim” has been paying him two million dollars per year to prank Dwight constantly. “I think it’s somehow related to these cameras,” Jim confides to Dwight, glancing at the camera, “They want more footage of it for whatever show they’re trying to make. Don’t let on that you know. You remember what happened to Devon?”
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Sep 9, 2021 22:34
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| # ? May 29, 2024 04:23 |
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Jim crushes Dwight, sees Dwight driven before him, and smugly mugs at the camera as he hears the lamentation of Angela.
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Sep 9, 2021 23:50
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