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Psycho Lawnmower posted:Sorry, tried to edit, not sure how to get rid of, my bad. Just replace the text with "Quote is not edit." It's what I always do. Falconier111 fucked around with this message at 21:37 on Sep 10, 2021 |
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Sep 10, 2021 21:35
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Update 53: Truancy Katawa Shoujo OST - School Days I woke up, took my pills, had a nice shower, quickly slipped on my uniform, ate a tasty breakfast, grabbed my bag, and headed off, all as per my usual daily routine. It was only after arriving in class that the normality of the day was thrown off. After taking my seat, I watched my classmates trickle into the room over the next hour, until every empty seat was eventually taken, other than Hanako's. (Silence)   As the camera zooms in on her empty desk, the shapes of other students (including Shizune) move independently to the sides, making it feel like the camera is physically approaching her desk. It’s a neat effect, one I haven’t seen elsewhere yet. I can never get used to the idea that she just doesn't show up to class every now and again. It feels all the more worrying now as well, given that Lilly's left. As Mutou continues to drone on, I find my gaze flicking every so often over to her seat, as if she might appear there any moment now. Nobody else seems to care at all about her absence, but they have little reason to. Hanako being absent from class, after all, is perfectly normal. Or at least, it was. Her attendance hasn't been all that bad from what I've seen in my time here, but it was apparently much more spotty beforehand. This is also an ominous time for her to be gone. It's the day before her birthday, and my suspicions are starting to rise, after the breakdown she had in class when it was mentioned. An increasing amount of my thoughts is taken up by how I can help her, but in the end, I feel like I can't do anything. The bell heralding the beginning of lunchtime rings out, shaking me out of my thoughts. A collective sigh of relief can be heard from the class, though Mutou looks quite put off. He dislikes being interrupted in the middle of his exciting lectures, after all. Just when I'm wondering what I should do on lunch break, given that Hanako and Lilly aren't here, the solution presents itself. Katawa Shoujo OST - The Student Council (Shizune’s Theme)   MISHA: "'Afternoon, Hicchan~!"  SHIZUNE: "..."  HISAO: "'Afternoon Misha, Shizune. You both look as bright as ever." SHIZUNE: "..." MISHA: "Shicchan wants to know if you'd like to have lunch with us today~?" HISAO: "Sure. It'll be good to have some company." (Crowd Noises)  The cafeteria hums with activity, much like my old school's did. Yamaku is different, though, in how... strangely civilized the lunchtime rush is. What one would expect to be an unruly mob chomping at the bit to get to the serving area is, rather, a neat and organized line. There's a small amount of jostling, and people's heads are often craning around to check on what's happening up ahead, but it's pretty subdued. This is due, no doubt, to the very serious rules regarding such matters in this school. The same strict discipline is observed when students move in the hallways, or come to and from their dormitories and the school gate. While the reasons for it may be slightly off-putting, I've come to quite like this sense of order that's enforced in the school. I didn't really like being told by Shizune and Misha to get their lunches, though. I feel a little used as I take a seat at the table where they're sitting, plunking their food down in front of them. Sweet bread and strawberry milk for Misha, a bowl of ramen and juice for Shizune. I heave a sigh of relief as I put it all down, after the significant difficulty I had carrying it all in addition to my own lunch." MISHA: "Thank you~!" Misha claps her hands together before popping open the wrapper and digging into her bread ravenously. Shizune simply gives an appreciative nod before giving her steaming ramen a stir and blowing on it a little to cool it down. I open my own lunch, another packet of sweet bread, and take a bite before washing it down with some juice. The bread is very sweet, so much so that I end up forcing myself to stomach it just to get the experience over with. Midway through, I decide to take a break from the difficult task and ask what's on my mind. HISAO: "So, I'm guessing you two had a reason to drag me down here? You two seem to always have an ulterior motive, after all." MISHA: "What are you faying, Hiffan~! We mon't hafe any uffer mofiffe~." Her mouth is full of sweet bread as she speaks. It's a pretty unpleasant sight. Shizune looks a little grossed out, before going back to eating her ramen. I wait until Misha swallows what she has in her mouth before speaking again. HISAO: "You're not buttering me up to make me work with you after school?" MISHA: "Nope!" HISAO: "Not trying to extract information from me that I might not want to give?" MISHA: "Nuh-uh!" HISAO: "...Fine. You win. I guess you just wanted to eat lunch with someone as intelligent and handsome as me, then." MISHA: "That's it, Hicchan~! You got it~!" Shizune looks unimpressed as Misha finishes signing our conversation, and sucks in the last of a long noodle as she signs her own thoughts." SHIZUNE: "..." MISHA: "Shicchan says you shouldn't be so suspicious of us~. She's just doing her duty as a class representative, after all~." HISAO: "How is she... err... are you doing that?" As much as I hate to admit it, it looks as if I still have trouble communicating with Shizune. It should be a simple matter of keeping eye contact with her and addressing Shizune instead of Misha in my speech, but when somebody else is doing the talking for her, it's a surprisingly difficult task. SHIZUNE: "..." MISHA: "It's the class representative's job to ensure everybody's doing all right in class, isn't it~?" HISAO: "Not... really... Wait, how is making me get your food ensuring that I'll go well in class?" Shizune huffs and adjusts her glasses disapprovingly. SHIZUNE: "..." MISHA: "So this is the thanks we get for giving you companionship during lunchtime?" That's a total dodge of the question. Wait, hang on... (Sudden Silence, Crowd Noises Continue) HISAO: "How did you know that I...?" SHIZUNE: "..."  MISHA: "Lilly's away and Hanako is absent, and since those two are the only people you hang around with..." SHIZUNE: "..." MISHA: "You also made it kind of obvious to see~..." Katawa Shoujo OST - The Student Council (Shizune’s Theme) Ouch. I may well have done so, but she didn't need to rub it in. Maybe this is payback for before. HISAO: "Right. Well, thanks. I appreciate it, and that isn't sarcasm." The two nod, and we get back to finishing our meals. It feels a little embarrassing to be accompanied just because they noticed I was lonely, but it isn't as if they're strangers either. It isn't long before I finish the last of my bread and start on the last of my juice, and as I do so, I find my mind wandering back to what I'd been thinking about before the two interrupted my train of thought. It feels like I'm the only one in the class that so much as acknowledges Hanako not being there. It felt like this the other times she skipped class, but now it's even more acutely annoying. Does nobody care if she's happy or not? Have they just written off any possibility of helping to make her better? Even Mutou doesn't try to keep her in class, and I'm still not wholly convinced by his reasoning. MISHA: "Hey Hicchan, is your juice past its expiry date?" HISAO: "What?" MISHA: "You were pulling a weird face, like this~." As if it were needed, Misha mimics my own expression. Her exaggeration makes me grimace, though Shizune at least takes some amusement from it. HISAO: "I was just thinking about Hanako." MISHA: "Oh?" Misha's interest is piqued, and so is Shizune's, once my words are interpreted for her." HISAO: "I'm just worried about her being absent so often. Especially now, though, what with her birthday coming around." HISAO: "Do you know anything about Hanako? Anything that might help?" Misha shrugs and looks to Shizune, who mulls on this for a while. SHIZUNE: "..." MISHA: "The only people she's ever talked to for more than a sentence or two are you and Lilly." Shizune may not be able to convey Lilly's name in a derisive tone of speech, but I feel as if it comes through in her sign language. The effect is lost, however, after Misha's interpretation. SHIZUNE: "..." MISHA: "There are a couple of things we know about Hanako as Student Council members, thanks to the records that pass through our hands, but we can't say anything about what's in them." HISAO: "Understandable." It sounds a lot like the nurse's “patient confidentiality.” Every time I find someone that knows something about Hanako's past, it turns up being a dead end. The only way I'll ever find out is by asking her. I don't know if she'll let me know such things, but if it's for her sake, I have to at least try. SHIZUNE: "..." MISHA: "Don't worry about it, Hicchan~. It happens every year, after all~." That doesn't remove my sense of worry at all. I still feel a little at fault for what happened in class, but this feels like it goes further, even without their confirmation of that fact. Misha notes my troubled expression, her own usually happy and reassuring face dropping.  MISHA: "Everyone has problems they have to deal with, right, Hicchan?" HISAO: "Yeah. I just wish I could help Hanako more with hers. (Silence) With that, the conversation trails off on a depressing note. Eventually Misha manages to pick the mood back up through her usual bright and bubbly antics, but my mind remains focused on Hanako. I'll go check on her later.
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Sep 10, 2021 21:36
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I just noticed I hosed up my word count and you got two extremely short updates in a row, so, have a special weekend update. Update 54: Faraway Presence (Silence) I make sure my door is locked after dropping off my school bag. The dorms are quiet. Mutou kept me occupied longer than I expected, discussing my studies after classes ended and pressing on me some worksheets to give to Hanako almost as an afterthought. Absorbed in thought, I'm late in registering the shadow that appears in front of me. Looking up reveals the owner of said shadow. Katawa Shoujo OST - Out of the Loop   KENJI: "Hey, man. Haven't seen you in a while." HISAO: "Oh. Hi." KENJI: "What's with that response?" My absentminded greeting visibly annoys him. I'd probably have had the same reaction. HISAO: "Sorry, just thinking about a lot of stuff." KENJI: "“Thinking” is a pretty poor excuse to not be aiding the war effort." HISAO: "And how goes the war?" KENJI: "I am preparing. Right now I need money to help with those preparations." HISAO: "If you want me to loan you money, just say it." KENJI: "No man, I'm good." HISAO: "You're... good? You don't want my money?" KENJI: "Hey man, don't look so surprised. It's insulting. I'm pretty big in the competitive bowling scene, but yesterday, I found some guys who didn't know that." HISAO: "I'm fairly sure that betting would be against the school rules..." KENJI: "School rules don't matter; this is a war situation. People these days, they have no appreciation for what war means." HISAO: "So what do you need this money for, dare I ask?" KENJI: "Non-perishable canned food. Building materials; mostly corrugated iron and wood panels. First aid kit. Camping heater. Portable radio. Sleeping bag. Flashlight. Mechanical clock." At first it strikes me as a rather random assortment of objects and materials, but after a few seconds, it clicks." HISAO: "Isn't that a list of materials for a fallout shelter?" KENJI: "Ah, so you've read a Protect and Survive booklet. It's good to see someone so knowledgeable about how to protect themselves." HISAO: "You don't seriously think..." KENJI: "It's a non-zero possibility." HISAO: "No, I'm pretty sure there's zero possibility of that ever happening." He slowly and dramatically raises an eyebrow. Well, as dramatically as one can raise an eyebrow. HISAO: "The chance is, I don't know, zero point one to the trillionth place. It's infinitesimal. Besides, where can you build a fallout shelter anyway? Certainly not on campus." KENJI: "It's my summer holiday project while I'm at home. My dad said I can do it." HISAO: "Really?" KENJI: "Yeah. He thought it'll improve my crafting skills and manual dexterity. Or something." Knowing Kenji, his dad probably just thought it might keep him out of his hair for a while. Still, it does make me wonder what his parents are like. Maybe they're totally normal, and Kenji is just an aberration. On the other hand, maybe this kind of paranoia and fearful survivalism runs in the family. KENJI: "Hey, want to help me build it? You look like the type to be handy with tools. If I had your help, we could make a really badass bunker instead of just a fallout shelter." I doubt that. Playing soccer before my accident gave me good footwork, but I've never really tried my hand at anything approaching real handiwork. HISAO: "I'm not, really. I'm busy over the holidays anyway, I'm afraid." KENJI: "A shame. If the feminists ever get a hold of the launch codes, I fear that so few will be prepared." HISAO: "And your fallout shelter will protect you from a nuclear bomb explosion, in the case that this does happen?" KENJI: "A fallout shelter isn't meant to protect against the blast. That's what a blast shelter is for. I thought you knew better." HISAO: "My mistake..." KENJI: "My home's pretty far away from any major military sites, so the fallout following a nuclear exchange is a bigger concern than the blast itself. What this'll do is keep the dust and other particulates away from me, my food supply, and my sleeping area. It's gotta last me at least fourteen days, though." HISAO: "Fourteen days is a pretty long time." KENJI: "It is. I need one liter of water a day for drinking, two optimally so that I can wash as well. Toiletry is easy enough; just garbage bags and a bin placed outside the shelter area. Food means canned supplies, of course." HISAO: "Of course. And the radio is for outside communication?" KENJI: "Right, right. So I can pick up government alerts on what's going on outside. I need a mechanical clock rather than an electric one in case the electromagnetic pulse from a nuclear airburst fries it, too. There's all the other stuff I need as well, like extra clothing, matches, and candles. I think I still have time to gather it all, though. Maybe." As much as I hate to say it, I'm a little impressed. He's really researched this and thought it through. Then again, I don't know if I want to live in a post-apocalyptic world with only people like Kenji having survived. HISAO: "It sounds like you really know what you're doing." KENJI: "drat right I do." It must be hard, living in constant fear like this. He hardly ever socializes either, so the fact he went bowling with others is in itself something of a surprise. This mentality reminds me a little of a certain someone. Thankfully, her fear of others doesn't manifest in such a distinctly eccentric way. One thing I know for sure is that I certainly can't tell him exactly why I haven't been hanging around with him much recently. HISAO: "It's late. I have stuff to do. I'll think about making a fallout shelter or something, though." KENJI: "Yeah, all right, that's cool. A man has to do what he's gotta do, after all. You should hang out with me sometime, by the way. You're a cool dude. Cool dudes should hang out together, right?" For some reason, that compliment actually feels kinda nice. The situation with Hanako being what it is, though, means that I probably won't be able to fulfill his request. For now, at least. HISAO: "That'd be good. I'll talk to you later about it when I can." KENJI: "Cool. Later, dude." (Silence) He retreats to his dormitory room. I had better go see Hanako.  I stand outside of the door to Hanako's room, hoping that she isn't in too much of a state as I nervously clutch the worksheets Mutou asked me to pass on to her. It's one more reason to visit her, and it gives me something to talk about, so I suppose I should be thankful to him for giving me the task. With a long breath to steady myself, I rap my knuckles on the door in front of me. …Silence. I listen intently for any sound of shuffling coming from inside, but I can't hear a thing. I knock on the door again, slightly harder. till no answer. How strange. Scratching my head, I make one last attempt at getting her to answer as I knock on the door one final time." HISAO: "Hanako, it's just me. Mutou said to give you some stuff." For a while, the attempt seems just as unsuccessful as the last. Just before I slip the sheets under her door, though, I hear the handle rattling. Katawa Shoujo OST - Breathlessly  As the door opens halfway, I quickly try to see how Hanako's faring. It's a task made somewhat more difficult by her oversized gown hiding so much of her body. She doesn't look sick, or at least not immediately so. To be honest, I'd have preferred that to her expression right now. She looks terribly tired, and appears to be barely acknowledging my presence. HISAO: "Hi, Hanako. Mutou wanted me to give you these since you weren't in class today." I hold out the loose sheets, which she tentatively takes in her hands. The way she moves is devoid of thought. Her posture is slumped, in an unusual manner for someone that's so often tense and wound up. Even her eyes keep looking away from mine, doing their best to avoid eye contact. I move my head a little to try and get a better look, but she just ends up turning away. HISAO: "Are you... okay? If you're feeling sick or anything, I could go get a nurse." It feels almost pitiful to put on such a routine “get well soon” act. I can't think of anything else I could possibly do for her, though. She seems to collect herself a little at the notion... but only a little. Her head remains turned away, but her eyes move towards me.  HANAKO: "I'm fine." An awkward silence follows. As it lingers, I notice that the sleeves and the cuffs of her gown bear slightly damp stains. Her cheeks are a bit red, too. Has she been crying? HISAO: "I see." I hesitate a little before coming out with the words I really came here to say. HISAO: "Would you like me to stay? I don't have anything urgent to do at the moment, so it wouldn't be any trouble." Her eyes slide away from me, and I lose any hope for an improvement of her mood. I wait for a response, but she doesn't say anything, nor give any kind of gesture. She just stands there, looking away from me. HISAO: "Hanako...?" She slowly shakes her head. HISAO: "Okay. Um... good night, then." (Silence) With that, Hanako steps back and closes her door without a second word. More than a little worried, I retreat back to my room. Wandering up the hallway, I keep mulling over what happened. It felt like Hanako was only half there, as if I was interacting with a robot that was just doing what it was programmed to without any real thought. She was a husk of a person. This is frustrating. I had hoped that meeting Hanako would help the situation, but I feel like it's only made it harder to understand her. How am I supposed to try and help her when she quite literally shuts me out like that? I don't even bother to turn on the light, opting instead to simply change into my pajamas, quickly choke down my evening pills, and collapse onto my bed. Katawa Shoujo OST ~ Passing of Time  Katawa Shoujo OST - Stride Once again, Hanako doesn't turn up for class. Try as I might to concentrate on other matters, this fact continues to distract me throughout the entire school day, and even as I walk through the school gardens to the dormitories. I don't think today being her birthday is a coincidence, either. I don't know the link between the two events though, nor do I have any idea on what she's feeling. Were it physical pain, I could at least provide some limited comfort. With something like this though, I have no idea where to start. I run the people I know through my head, thinking about whether they could help. Shizune and Misha don't know that much about Hanako, and what little they do know they can't tell me. Same for the nurse. In the end, there's only one person that knows Hanako well and would be willing to tell me anything. Entering my dormitory room, I notice something that takes me off guard; it's starting to feel familiar. With everything that's going on around me, I'm thankful that this room's started to finally be somewhere I can relax a little. When I'd first entered Yamaku, it felt immediately foreign in every way, from the untouched neatness to the way it smelled. Focusing back on the task at hand, I throw my bag onto the bed as I open the top drawer of my desk. Before she left, Lilly told me the number to call her on while in Scotland and I wrote it down. In hindsight, I wonder if she knew something like this could happen. Now that she's out of reach, I realize just how much both Hanako and I have relied on her for guidance. I dig around drawer after drawer, looking for that damned piece of paper. Eventually, thankfully, I find it nestled under a borrowed library book. I probably should have just entered it directly into my cell phone, come to think of it. Without further ado, I enter the numbers and anxiously press the call button. Eventually the phone picks up, a feminine voice I don't recognize on the other end. It's probably Lilly's mother. (Silence)  Apparently, the text in this image actually reads "Good morning. This is Karla Satou. May I help you?", just in English. Not that you could tell with every word except Satou blurred out like that. English? Suddenly finding myself unprepared, I realize I can't understand a word she says, either due to my limited vocabulary or her heavy accent. I should have anticipated this, since according to Lilly, her mother is a native Scot. I soldier on in the hope that she must know some Japanese, considering it's her daughter's native language. HISAO: "Um, it's Hisao Nakai... speaking..." An enthusiastic sound of realization can be heard as she recognizes the language. My feeling of relief is immense. MRS. SATOU: "Ah, you must be one of Lilly's friends from school, correct?" Even so, her accent means I have to concentrate to work out what she's saying. HISAO: "Yes, that's right. Pleased to speak to you, Mrs. Satou." MRS. SATOU: "It's so nice of her to find someone so polite! Lilly dear, it's for you!" Her mother seems nice, if a little overenthusiastic given the mundane situation. There's a small silence as Lilly takes her time getting to the phone. In the distance, I can just make out her mother scolding her playfully for just getting up.  LILLY: "Hello, Lilly speaking." HISAO: "You sound awful." She makes a sound somewhere between a dying animal and a yawn. The one thing I did remember to check before calling was the time zone. It'd be pretty late in the morning over there, so she really has no excuse. HISAO: "Not feeling well?" LILLY: "Just tired. What time is it there?" HISAO: "Late afternoon. School finished for the day not long ago." LILLY: "Hanako's not well, is she?" Katawa Shoujo OST - Moment of Decision That was quick. My assumption that she must have known something like this could happen seems to have been on the mark. HISAO: "How did you know?" LILLY: "Because today is her birthday. I'd hoped she might have gotten at least a little better after coming to know you, but... How is she right now?" HISAO: "She missed school today and yesterday. I still have to check up on her today. To be honest, after seeing how she was when I talked to her yesterday... I'm pretty anxious. I really have no idea what to make of it. Has this happened in the past? Is it related to her scarring in some way?" LILLY: "Unfortunately so. Roughly the same thing happened last year when her birthday came up. As far as I can tell, it's because her parents died in the accident that caused her scarring, and Hanako blames herself for their deaths." What she says does seem to make sense. If she's blaming herself on her birthday, she may well be ruing that she was ever born. Hanako had mentioned her stay in the orphanage to me. Maybe I should take some heart that she trusts me enough to tell me such a thing. Lilly seeming so in the dark about it though, almost to the extent that I am, is a surprise. HISAO: "So that's why she lives in the student dormitories, as well. Has she told you any more about the accident?" LILLY: "As close as we've come... she's very barely told me anything about what happened. What I know about it is largely conjecture." She sounds depressed, almost defeated. Considering the trauma Hanako must have gone through, I really can't fault Lilly for not knowing. Nevertheless, she still seems to consider it a personal failing. HISAO: "Don't blame yourself, Lilly. With everything she's gone through..." There's a long silence from the other end of the line. I begin to wonder if the call cut out before the voice at the other end speaks once again. LILLY: "There is another person, though, that has been a subject of worry for me as of late." HISAO: "Oh?" I run through the people she could be talking about in my head. The only friends she seems to keep very close are Hanako and I, though there is Akira as well...  LILLY: "That person is you, Hisao." There's another silence on the line, but this time it's caused by me. Making others worry about me is something I've very actively tried to avoid since coming to Yamaku. Indeed, even my interaction with Hanako has helped stave off any major health problems thanks to our relaxed and slow-paced lives. HISAO: "Uh... huh. What is there to worry about over me?" LILLY: "I apologize; I didn't mean any offense." HISAO: "Sorry, I was just taken a bit off guard. Still, isn't Hanako a bigger problem at the moment?" LILLY: "For some time now I've thought that the both of you may be feeding into each other's more worrying habits. I tried to amend this before leaving, but it seems to have done little." HISAO: "“Worrying habits?”" LILLY: "When I asked you about what you had in mind for the future, your answer was very similar to what Hanako has said in the past when that question was posed to her. It is well and good to want to protect her, but I fear that treating Hanako like this, as if she were a daughter or someone in need of special care, is only going to achieve the opposite."  The situation got effectively turned on its head. After everything that's happened, this is the first time I find myself doubting Lilly's judgment. >Agree with Lilly. >Trust my own judgment. The first issue in Hisao’s thinking towards Hanako, the surface level one, is his assumption that he knows what decisions she should make. He may not think of it that way, but he has a nasty habit of trying to anticipate her desires and failing based on an understanding of her he already admits is flawed. But that just reflects the deeper issue:He doesn’t have the right to make those decisions in the first place. =>Agree with Lilly. He doesn’t. No one else does. Only Hanako can really be the master of her own fate; anyone else who tries, no matter how well-intentioned, will only hurt her in the long run. She can ask for help, she can NEED help, but it’s on her to ask for it. To do otherwise is to rob her of her agency. It’s to treat her as something less than other people, something that doesn’t have the same rights as an ordinary human. And as condescending as he can be, I doubt the man falling in love with her wants to see her that way. I don't want to admit it, but she may have a point. Something else bugs me, though. HISAO: "And you tried to... “amend” this? Wait... our outing into the city?" LILLY: "Quite astute. I thought that it might help if I dragged both of you out of Yamaku and into the wider world. I am thankful you became closer for it, though." So she noticed that. I suppose she may well have been paying attention to us, and her hearing's incredibly good; quite likely good enough to have picked up what we were talking about, if she tried. HISAO: "This sounds more and more like you were manipulating us." Silence. It's a harsh way of putting it, but I have no intention of stepping back from those words. LILLY: "I'm sorry. I was just... worried about you." HISAO: "It's fine. I guess there are more important things anyway." It's not a total surprise that she'd do such a thing. Her motherly nature can be slightly overbearing at times, but she does have the best of intentions. HISAO: "So you think I should think about myself more instead of trying to cater to Hanako?" LILLY: "That largely sums it up. Again, I'm sorry for not telling you this in a clearer way before going behind your back. I know I am at least as guilty of being overprotective of Hanako as you, but I fear that you are neglecting yourself in your efforts to give Hanako happiness." HISAO: "Do you really think Hanako will be okay?"  LILLY: "She isn't as fragile as you think. I don't know exactly what experiences she's lived through, or what feelings she has in her mind, but she has managed to work her way through them until now. It's also my hope that giving her a little space will allow her to decide what she truly wants for herself, and give her the initiative to reach out for it. Please have faith in Hanako. That's all I ask." HISAO: "I'll... I guess I'll think about it for a while." LILLY: "That's good. Being rash won't get you anywhere. I know that at times you may doubt your relationship to Hanako, but she does..." Lilly cuts herself off and takes a moment to reconsider her words. LILLY: "Please keep in mind that I wouldn't have befriended you if I hadn't thought you a fundamentally good person. You're a good friend, both to myself and to Hanako." HISAO: "Thank you. That helps." We share some smalltalk to try and lighten the atmosphere, but it feels very stilted. There's a lot I don't know about Lilly's stay in Scotland, but after such a heavy subject, I want to be alone for a bit to think. After a few minutes, we end up saying our goodbyes and I set my phone on my desk. (Silence) Compared to Hanako's situation, mine feels utterly mundane. I still have both of my parents, I had a reasonably normal childhood, and unlike many in Yamaku, my condition isn't immediately visible to the public. But then again... isn't this just an attempt to justify the way I've been acting towards her? That may well be what our pasts were like, but when it comes to the future I still have no idea what I want to do. In school I've just concentrated on each day's work, and I've put off more and more things to cater to Hanako. I recall the words Mutou told me after Hanako's breakdown; about the purpose of Yamaku and my education. In hindsight, he was probably trying to push exactly the same thing. Just what have I been doing in the time since my heart attack? If I ever did manage to get Hanako out of her room and to open up, what then? I look out of my dormitory window as the sun slowly sets. It's a nice sight, but what I really savor is the quiet as the students return to their dormitory rooms. All I want to do now is think. I'm not sure how much time I have, but I want to work out where I'll go from here.
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Sep 12, 2021 02:21
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I'm kind of impressed that Hanako is even still answering the door when she's having as bad a time as she is here. I've had periods (fortunately not for a number of years now) when I just couldn't do that.
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Sep 13, 2021 10:48
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I am supposed to agree with this assessment, from someone who admitted to manipulating the situation? It feels like the story isn’t pointing the obvious, so I need to? When it comes to Hisao’s response to Hanako, he always checked with level of comfort and her willingness to engage first. That is purely agency-empowering. Yes, there is a bit of “Don’t let her stand on eggshells.” which is true of both Lilly and Hisao, not just him, and if we’re gonna get down on someone who is providing the support I expect-especially over the professionals. I do not see where this argument-by the game- is being made in good faith. Of course, he shouldn’t be making decisions for her, but when has he? She chose to play chess and get better. He checked with her level of comfort when alone and out into the city with Lilly and her sister-she made those decisions, he empowered her to make those decisions. He is reasonably worried about her current response, but did not force the issue or get the staff on a hunch…which we’ve kinda proven aren’t willing to do their work, or waffle on those responsibilities based on the story. And agreeing with Lilly just burns him further! He has choices he gets to make as well without being drawn into decisions that are not his own. 
Psycho Lawnmower fucked around with this message at 16:37 on Sep 13, 2021 |
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Sep 13, 2021 16:27
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I think the game is trying to take the point of view that even asking her "Do you want to do X?" counts as a leading question, and she's just going along with it to not have to think about it. But I don't know what the alternative is.
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Sep 13, 2021 16:33
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Quackles posted:I think the game is trying to take the point of view that even asking her "Do you want to do X?" counts as a leading question, and she's just going along with it to not have to think about it. Right, there’s no other choice but to engage, step back and allow decisions to be made in their time. Which-as far as I can tell, outside of general thought processes that seem red-flaggy but have not actually been said or acted upon-out of respect and appreciation for Hanako and Lilly both-he has done. I mean, the general response I can think of is to note the person’s stressors and general triggers in a broad sense, have a conversation with them-in their space, in their greatest means of comfort- that involves said stressors within their level of comfort and with careful, concise language, and engage on their speed over a long period. Same method used by Com-Hab, Respite, and SEMP. Then find interactions and activities baser on those feelings..but that’s asking a lot of Hisao already. In the practical space, though, Hisao has done what I expect people to do: Check comfort levels and ask, speak with inner circles about the situation (though I’m not sure how much she is after that bit), engage within the level of comfort-because Hanako wished to engage and did so. Pulled away points of stress (Misha and Shizune) and told them politely their behavior was misguided. And Lilly certainly overstepped herself, with both Hanako’s present thing and here. Psycho Lawnmower fucked around with this message at 17:04 on Sep 13, 2021 |
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Sep 13, 2021 16:51
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Psycho Lawnmower posted:Right, there’s no other choice but to engage, step back and allow decisions to be made in their time. Which-as far as I can tell, outside of general thought processes that seem red-flaggy but have not actually been said or acted upon-out of respect and appreciation for Hanako and Lilly both-he has done. I think it’s more about what happens next. Hisao’s done very well so far, but he’s mostly following in Mutou and Lilly’s footsteps and he hasn’t really grasped the theory behind their actions. Lilly’s probably worried that without either of them there to keep those red flags in check, he’ll act on them and the situation will blow up in his face.
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Sep 13, 2021 17:42
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Falconier111 posted:I think it’s more about what happens next. Hisao’s done very well so far, but he’s mostly following in Mutou and Lilly’s footsteps and he hasn’t really grasped the theory behind their actions. Lilly’s probably worried that without either of them there to keep those red flags in check, he’ll act on them and the situation will blow up in his face. Yeah, I kind of took the advice as not pushing “respect for Hanako” into assuming she’s more fragile than she is and letting pity/“I know what should be done” get him past respect and into being patronizing. He hasn’t done terrible this far, but that is still subject to change if he’s not evaluating the situation dispassionately enough. His concern about her in these updates did seem to be more him getting anxious than her situation necessarily getting worse, and he’s taking it as if it’s his unique burden to somehow make Hanako better. I think Lily and Shizune also are correct to be concerned if he’s submerging his own needs. The guy was dealing with heartbreak in the literal and figurative sense and the start made it very clear he has his own depression issues on the subject he’s still working through. Letting worrying about Hanako distract from worrying about himself (or worse, suppressing his personal anxiety into anxiety for her) isn’t going to go to any place that’s healthy for either of them.
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Sep 13, 2021 18:26
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Quackles posted:I think the game is trying to take the point of view that even asking her "Do you want to do X?" counts as a leading question, and she's just going along with it to not have to think about it. And stepping back from everything for a bit; a relationship where you cannot even ask someone if they want to do something is a very difficult relationship to have. We want to spend time with and do things with people that we have any level of positive relationship with, whether it's as a coworker (where you might just go to lunch/chat), friend, family member, or significant other. It's hard to call someone a friend and not be able to ask them if they want to spend time together in some fashion for fear of hurting them. And when you get right down to it, people have activities that they want to do in varying capacities at any time. I love playing board games, but I don't always have the mental bandwidth to play them. I can enjoy going out to do a thing, but again, I don't always have the mental bandwidth to do that. I want to spend time with people, and I want to hang out with them, and sometimes I will venture outside of my comfort zone to do so. Sometimes I can't though, and my friends understand. I always appreciate the invitation, and I likewise appreciate when they accept that I have to decline sometimes, or just don't respond. I say this as someone with fairly severe anxiety and depression, though thankfully not generally as severe as is depicted here. There are days/weeks where I have completely shut down and have shut off all communications because the thought of interacting with someone (unless forced to) elicits too much anxiety for me to act. Hell, I've lost jobs this way. I've missed out on social gatherings. It's awful, but thankfully that only hits me rarely. I might make an effort post about this at some point; depression and anxiety are incredibly complex beasts, and frustrating in the myriad ways they gently caress with your life without you, or anyone else, noticing that that's what the problem is.
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Sep 13, 2021 18:43
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MadDogMike posted:Yeah, I kind of took the advice as not pushing “respect for Hanako” into assuming she’s more fragile than she is and letting pity/“I know what should be done” get him past respect and into being patronizing. This really hits on the root of the problem, is that Hisao's thoughts and actions so far have often treated Hanako as less than an equal, which is not only patronizing in general, but it's also specifically frustrating and hurtful for Hanako in the context of her interactions with Hisao, for reasons which may already be obvious and will be made even more clear within the next few updates.
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Sep 13, 2021 18:43
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EclecticTastes posted:This really hits on the root of the problem, is that Hisao's thoughts and actions so far have often treated Hanako as less than an equal, which is not only patronizing in general, but it's also specifically frustrating and hurtful for Hanako in the context of her interactions with Hisao, for reasons which may already be obvious and will be made even more clear within the next few updates. Several of the actions Hisao has done are standard practice for people who work with others in the field, and general empathy work. Are you saying that those are patronizing as well? That’s a hard sell. Thoughts? He certainly thinks what he thinks…if any of that showed up, I would expect Lilly to have stepped on the redflag a little harder, but he hasn’t reacted-it’d be like Kenji. Kudos to the writers? I cannot imagine another DS protagonist doing the work Hisao has done already. Psycho Lawnmower fucked around with this message at 19:16 on Sep 13, 2021 |
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Sep 13, 2021 18:55
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Update 55: Continuing Melody Katawa Shoujo OST ~ Passing of Time  (Silence) Since talking to Lilly yesterday, I've wanted to try and move on from the listlessness I've felt ever since coming to Yamaku. But even if I try to concentrate on the book in front of me, Hanako's empty seat at the back of the classroom looms larger than life. Every time I start getting focused, my eyes flick over to her desk again and my mind starts spinning.  Once more my eyes drift over to it, but this time my vision is blocked by a certain other classmate. HISAO: "Oh, hey Miki."  MIKI: "Maybe you should just have lunch. I can hear your stomach growling from my desk." Katawa Shoujo OST - Fripperies I let my head drop in disappointment. She seems to take some amusement from my reaction, and hops up onto my desk. Her grin as she sits on it reminds me of the Cheshire Cat. MIKI: "So, whatcha' workin' on?" HISAO: "Some math. I have a decent handle on it, but I just wanted to revise." MIKI: "Oh really? Lemme see that." Before I can object, she grabs my mathematics book with her hand. She scans the page I was on, holding it open with the one hand she has, her left arm sitting uselessly on her lap. In my time here at Yamaku, I've noticed that the other students have a wide range of adjustment to their disabilities, on a purely practical level. Miki is one of those that seem to have some trouble. The stump of her left arm tends to be either hanging by her side, slipped into a pocket, or otherwise put out of the way. Sometimes she has a difficult time doing common tasks, which makes her visibly quite frustrated. I feel a little bad for thinking this way, but I'm thankful that Hanako and I don't have disabilities affecting our freedom of movement to that extent. Then again... if Miki's problem worsened, at least she wouldn't have a real possibility of dying. My attention is refocused as she thumbs through a few pages, skimming their contents. With such casual interest in the subject matter, it's clear by now that she won't be any help. HISAO: "I'm guessing you're not too interested in this stuff?" MIKI: "Screw math. It's boring as hell." She puts the book back in front of me with indifference. Her eyes move to the notebook beside it that I'd been working out practice equations on. MIKI: "Wait, you're actually able to work that stuff out?" HISAO: "Yeah." MIKI: "Wow. I've never talked to a computer with legs before." HISAO: "Thanks... I think. At least I'm doing better in this than history." MIKI: "Think it's worth asking that librarian for help? I heard she's shooting for uni." HISAO: "Ah, Yuuko? Maybe. I don't know what she wants to study, though. So what about you? Got anything you're thinking of doing after you graduate?" MIKI: "Me? Nah, not really. Just enjoying it while it lasts." She looks a little awkward when asked about her future, and absentmindedly rubs her left forearm. I kind of want to ask her about it, but I don't think I know her well enough to do so. The conversation peters out, and I lean back in my chair, giving up on the prospect of studying. Miki notices my tired expression and looks oddly serious. MIKI: "Thinking about Hanako?" HISAO: "It's that obvious?" MIKI: "You've been glancing at her seat, and you've been pretty quiet. Not too hard to connect the dots." HISAO: "I'm just worried about her." MIKI: "Yeah, I can see why you would be. She can get... weird, sometimes." She sounds put off, but I can't blame her. Hanako was a hard person to interact with before she warmed up to me, even with Lilly around to help. I haven't known her for that long either, so some of her habits would still be unknown to me. My face becomes troubled. If I hadn't developed feelings for her, this would be at least a little easier to deal with. MIKI: "Ah, I mean, no offense. She isn't a bad person, I know that much." HISAO: "I know, I didn't take it that way. It's just harder to deal with when, well, you know. You have feelings for someone." MIKI: "Yeah, I can imagine that. It's hard to forget something like what happened to her during class, too." I wish she hadn't reminded me of that. She just confirmed that it was clearly noticed by others in the room as well. MIKI: "Come on, don't get that down. She's done this before, you've just gotta wait it out." She locks herself in her room and acts like an empty husk of a person for a sizable amount of time, ever since she entered Yamaku if not before then as well, and I'm not supposed to be concerned about that? Well, I might think that, but there's nothing that I can do. I can't force her to come out, and she does see a therapist, so it's not like she isn't getting any help for her issues. Maybe it's natural to think that way when you're so powerless to help someone. “That's just the way she is, and you just have to deal with it.” (Silence) As I mull things over, I notice a movement out of the corner of my eye. I glance to see who it is, and end up doing a doubletake.  Sure enough, it's Hanako. She walks through the door just as she would any normal school day, and begins to move towards her seat in her usual silent and humble manner. She looks at me for a moment before blushing and looking away in embarrassment, which makes me realize that I was staring at her. I feel sorry for that, but not doing it is hard after all that's happened. Katawa Shoujo OST - Everyday Fantasy The girl sitting on my desk looks to me, grinning. MIKI: "See? Your sweetheart's back already. What did I tell ya?" HISAO: "You be quiet." It might only be meant as a joke, but she hits close enough to make me quite uncomfortable. As we talk, someone calls Miki's name from the door. She jumps down from her vantage point on my desk before turning to me. MIKI: "Gotta go, Hisao. Remember to eat sometime, will ya?" HISAO: "Fine, I will. See you." She gives a casual salute before jogging over to the door, where a male student in gym uniform is waiting for her. Probably someone from the track and field club. Seizing the opportunity, I get up and make my way to Hanako's desk. HANAKO: "H-hello..." HISAO: "Hi, Hanako. What's up?" HANAKO: "N-nothing..." Maybe talking to her this soon after she came back to class was a bad move. HISAO: "Want to go come with me and grab something from the cafeteria? I'm pretty hungry." HANAKO: "But... I thought you were studying." Studying can wait. Turning up for class after all this time must have taken some courage for Hanako, so the least I can do is stay with her. “That's just the way she is, and you just have to deal with it” is the way Miki, and probably the class as a whole, views Hanako. I can do more for her, though. I want to do more for her. HISAO: "After being distracted by Miki, I don't think I'm going to get any work done. Come on, let's go."  She hesitates, but eventually gets up and joins me as we begin walking. These may be small steps for her, but the fact that she's finally out of her room of her own volition lifts a large weight off my shoulders. Katawa Shoujo OST ~ Passing of Time  Katawa Shoujo OST - Raindrops and Puddles My pen busily scrawls onto a slowly filling page of my notebook. My other hand remains on the page of a reference book I borrowed from the library, marking my spot as my eyes flicker to and fro. As I work, I occasionally mark red circles or underlines onto the photocopied sheets of paper that lie on the table in front of me. Wanting a change of scenery from the library and to avoid the distractions of the classroom, I decided to make use of the Shanghai for some quiet study time. It ended up being nice and quiet as expected, and being able to get coffee while I study is a nice bonus. Hanako may have returned to her normal self since she came out of her room, but I've done quite the opposite. Daily routine may have returned to us, but I feel as if I'm a different person. Maybe I'm not. It's only been a few days, after all, since I decided I wanted to try and get out of the rut I'd found myself in after my accident. But I want to change, and I'm now actively working towards that goal. Or at least, I would like to think that I am. HISAO: "Ugh, this is impossible. Brute-forcing this isn't going to work." What's more, I have another piece of writing I have to do after this. I fear that's going to be no easier.  YUUKO: "Um..." I look up in mild surprise to the source of the tentative voice.  I look up in mild surprise to the source of the tentative voice. Yuuko stands at the head of the table with a damp towel in hand, clearly having taken the opportunity to clean the tables while no other patrons were around. She looks curious, her eyes as much on my work as on me. HISAO: "What's the matter?" YUUKO: "I was just wondering... what sort of work are you having so much trouble with?" HISAO: "Oh. It's just history. I'm fine with science and math, so I'm trying to get my other subjects up to par." Yuuko looks positively delighted at this development. I feel like I just chose the right answer on some big quiz show. YUUKO: "Oh! I think I can help you with that! Um, if you don't mind... of course..." I briefly consider turning down the offer in order to not cause her too much trouble, but she looks too excited about this for me to do it. It would be mean to shoot her down like that, after such a reaction. HISAO: "If you're willing to help, I'd really appreciate it." She claps her hands together and quickly deposits her towel on the counter, before returning and taking a seat across from me. I take my notebook off the top of the textbook and hand it over for her to peruse. YUUKO: "So you're studying the Edo Period?" HISAO: "Yeah. I'm not really much good at this, though." She takes the textbook and reads a few pages from a random section near the middle for a bit, but the aura of enthusiasm she'd been radiating previously is rapidly sapping away. HISAO: "I'm guessing this isn't the kind of history you were expecting?" YUUKO: "Unfortunately not. My main area is European history, especially in the classical era. Sorry." She looks a bit downcast, but as she carefully closes the book and lays it back down on the table, her face perks up again. YUUKO: "Would you like another cup of coffee?" HISAO: "Hmm? Oh, yeah, sure." I reach forward and get my book back as Yuuko gets up, takes my mug, and slowly walks to the counter to make another brew. As usual, she's absolutely silent as she does this; every ounce of her concentration is focused on not tripping over or dropping the plain white mug. I take the opportunity to lay back and relax for a bit, the hum of the coffee machine filling the otherwise quiet air. It's small details like that which make me realize how much I've come to appreciate the little things in life. The peace and quiet of the local town, the discipline and order of Yamaku, the green of the trees that were so rare in my home city, the relaxed pace at which the aging residents live their lives... Everything feels so... certain. It's comforting. I can feel myself beginning to nod off, when the sound of the mug coming to rest on the table grabs my attention. Seems like it arrived not a moment too soon. Yuuko takes her previous seat once again as I pick myself up and bring a hand around the mug to check its temperature. It's just a little too hot to drink right away, so I blow on it a little. YUUKO: "It's a shame you don't like history all that much. I sort of guessed you might be more into science." HISAO: "How so?" YUUKO: "You've nearly read out the science fiction section of the library already. It wasn't hard to notice." HISAO: "You do have a good point, there. Well, what can I say? You've pegged me just about right. You sound like you really take an interest in history though, especially considering how specific you were about it. Do you study in that area, or something? Go on digs overseas?" She giggles nervously at the thought. YUUKO: "I'd like to visit the Mediterranean sometime and see the old architecture and art for myself, but I don't think I could trust myself to handle such delicate things. I'm saving up to formally study it in university, although I also read up on it whenever I have free time outside of work." So Miki was right about her university aspirations. Considering how she fares as a waitress, a more theoretical path may suit Yuuko better. It's nice to hear that she has some ambitions though, considering how hard she works. I nod and take a careful sip of my coffee. By now it's cooled to the right temperature, so I begin to drink while keeping an eye on the book below, trying to read at the same time. A few minutes pass quietly, Yuuko looking out the window and watching the world go by while I have my coffee and study. A movement catches my eye, and I look up to see Yuuko smiling and waving to someone outside. Following her gaze surprisingly reveals the someone to be Hanako. She is looking at us from the side of the street across from where we are. Her usually all-too-visible timidity is largely absent, probably thanks to there being so few people around right now. Evidently she decides to join us, as after a little wave, she gives a quick glance up and down the street and crosses towards the side that the café is on.  The familiar doorbell to the Shanghai rings out as Hanako enters and makes her way to the table we're sitting at. HANAKO: "H-hello..." YUUKO: "Good afternoon." HISAO: "Hi, Hanako. What's up?" HANAKO: "N-nothing... just... g-going for a walk... since the weather was nice." HISAO: "Yeah, I get what you mean. I'm glad I decided to study here instead of the library." It's comfortable in here thanks to that, better than the sometimes quite stuffy library. I look to Yuuko, who nods in response. YUUKO: "It's nice. It's just a shame that summer can't last forever. Oh wait, sorry, um, would you like a drink?" Hanako shakes her head. Thankfully, it's enough to calm Yuuko back down. HANAKO: "H-how are you going with studying?" HISAO: "Okay... ish. Oh yeah, have you talked with Lilly?" YUUKO: "I'm interested too; how is she doing?" HANAKO: "Sh-she's enjoying it... I think." I... think that's all we're going to get out of her. Being around Yuuko is tensing her up. YUUKO: "Ah, it would be so nice to travel to Scotland. Green fields, castles, lovely small towns, men in kilts, interesting history..." I can't say I see the appeal of men in kilts, myself. It does seem like a picturesque place, though. As we talk, the jingle of the doorbell rings again. Hanako is startled, noticing Yuuko's panicked expression at the prospect that she might leave customers to wait a handful of seconds, due to her chatter with us. Yuuko gives us a quick bow, then hastily skitters over and greets the new customers, an elderly man and his wife. I watch her for a bit, craning my head around to get a good view. Hanako is staring at me with her one visible eye. She averts her head in embarrassment as I turn to make eye contact. HISAO: "I was just thinking that it's nice to have ambitions for the future. Yuuko was telling me a little about her university aspirations before." HANAKO: "Oh." HISAO: "It's a shame. If she wasn't so neurotic and overworked, I think she could be a really happy person." As much as I'd like to play host to Hanako and entertain her a bit, I do need to study as well. To be honest, I don't think the distraction from Yuuko helped either. HISAO: "Sorry if I'm a bit distracted. I need to try and get this done, otherwise I'm going to flunk the history exams pretty hard." I'm left running my hand through my hair in frustration. That letter needs doing as well, once I get back to my dormitory room. HISAO: "I hope I have more luck with that than this. drat." HANAKO: "W-what with?" HISAO: "Oh, uh... I was going to... write to Iwanako. Right now though, this is more important." All I've done is rattle myself. I can't focus on the work in front of me when my stomach is slowly turning at the prospect of actually attempting to write her back, after all this time. I force myself to concentrate on the book, picking up my pen once I have a quick sip of coffee. After a few seconds, Hanako stops silently watching me and leans back in her seat, relaxing as much as she ever seems to be able to, looking out the window to pass the time. We stay like this for a long time before leaving for the dormitories together. I'm surprised she had the patience to wait me out. Katawa Shoujo OST - Nocturne  Iwanako's letter lies on my desk beside a blank sheet of lined paper and an unused envelope. The tapping of my pen is the only thing to be heard this late at night. As I feared, my second task for the day turns out to be just as difficult as the first, if not harder. It's been so many months since we even saw each other. Even so, I can still remember what she looked like, what she sounded like, and what she acted like. By now, though, the little details are beginning to slip away. When I first saw her letter, I barely recognized her handwriting at all. Even the pink pen she always used was forgotten until her writing reminded me of it. I wonder why she didn't use it for the letter; she used to write everything with it. Maybe she thinks it's too immature now. I should be thinking about myself, and about what I want to communicate to her. My mind can't stop concentrating on her, though. On the past we shared before it was taken away so suddenly. The bright and slightly garish decorations suit her sense of aesthetics. Picking up the letter to take a closer look at it, I give a long sigh. This is the last link binding me to my past. Iwanako didn't suddenly cease to exist when she left my hospital room for the last time, but I needed this letter to remind me of that. I had all those feelings neatly filed away. I felt as if I didn't need them, that I could just begin life completely anew. It was easier that way. In the end, I suppose that was a rather naive thing to think. Sooner or later, my past would have caught up with me one way or the other. But what am I supposed to say to her? “Thank you for bringing me closure?” All the letter did was end the sense of closure I'd previously felt. Try as I might, I can't write so much as a single word down on the paper in front of me. I can't even think of what exactly I want to say. (Silence) Putting the letter down on top of the blank sheet, I gather the materials together and file them away in my drawer. The clunk the desk makes as it closes makes me momentarily tense in frustration, before I get up to go grab a drink from the vending machine on the first floor. I tried, but I couldn't do it. After all the time that's passed, I still don't know how to deal with Iwanako.
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Sep 13, 2021 19:22
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I took this conversation more as Lily being concerned about Hisao's treatment of himself, not his treatment of Hanako. He hasn't exactly done anything to be worried about on that end with this selection of choices. But it's pretty easy to imagine that Lily is worried because Hisao talks and worries about Hanako so much and rarely, if ever, brings himself up. Him worrying himself to death and having a heart attack isn't going to make Hanako feel any better.
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Sep 13, 2021 19:22
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Psycho Lawnmower posted:Several of the actions Hisao has done are standard practice for people who work with others in the field, and general empathy work. Are you saying that those are patronizing as well? That’s a hard sell. Hisao is a peer, not a professional. It'd be super patronising if a friend, let alone a romantic interest, treated every conversation with you as if they were a therapist or a guardian type figure.
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Sep 13, 2021 19:32
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We see how Hisao perceives his actions, since we get his internal monologue, but we don't always get how his actions are interpreted. Similar to Emi's route, some well-intentioned actions can be interpreted poorly, in another person's context. Love is a drug in its application as well as its reception; a misdose does more harm than good.
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Sep 13, 2021 19:33
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I think Hisao's remark in the club might have something to do with it, that he'd be there to protect Hanako. I thought that was quite belittling.
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Sep 13, 2021 19:54
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HerpicleOmnicron5 posted:Hisao is a peer, not a professional. It'd be super patronising if a friend, let alone a romantic interest, treated every conversation with you as if they were a therapist or a guardian type figure. Still better than being unaware of these elements, and tumbling into a conversation that makes Hanako unwilling to communicate with him. It’s why the choice of “Shopping/“Perhaps go home” was a big deal. Why don’t we go back a bit? First couple days, if he had not considered and responded to her general needs and acted accordingly, would she have been receptive? Would Lilly have been, due to her relationship with Hanako? Let’s go back even further than that. If he had approached Emi with this mentality and general empathy, he wouldn’t have run headlong into her hypercompetitiveness masking trauma. He may have figured something out, because he was more receptive to the needs of the person.he was with. Is he overcompensating now? Yeah, definitely. But the framework he used to get here does have merit. Psycho Lawnmower fucked around with this message at 20:49 on Sep 13, 2021 |
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Sep 13, 2021 20:19
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Psycho Lawnmower posted:Still better than being unaware of these elements, and tumbling into a conversation that makes Hanako unwilling to communicate with him. I strongly disagree. To think of someone as a friend, and then to feel like they're treating you as a job or a charity case, is often so much more harmful than anything else. Especially when romance is involved. It's gutwrenching and leaves you spiralling and questioning everything about your relationship with them.
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Sep 13, 2021 21:10
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Psycho Lawnmower posted:Still better than being unaware of these elements, and tumbling into a conversation that makes Hanako unwilling to communicate with him. It’s why the choice of “Shopping/“Perhaps go home” was a big deal. I think you're misinterpreting some of what happened at first. When they first started interacting, Hisao, for lack of any better ideas of what to do, just tried to act normally, if somewhat gently (also deliberately avoiding paying undue attention to the scars), around Hanako, and only later did his behavior become more and more protective and anticipatory, and I'd contend that it was this initial behavior that actually sparked Hanako's interest. I'll wait for Falconier to give the go-ahead before discussing the bad ending we just dodged explicitly, but for now suffice it to say that it serves as my primary citation here.
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Sep 13, 2021 21:19
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I respect that you disagree. Is it wrong to treat friends and loved ones as cases to deal with? Yes. I think Hisao is overextending, but I also understand the elements by which he came to this conclusion, and how Hanako has been receptive to this before-giving her agency, checking in. Looking at Hisao’s relationship with Hanako, compared to even the initial connections he made with Misha and Shizune, Lilly, Emi and Rin-heck, even Kenji-is a different situation. He jokes with her, but not his dry humor. His concern is understandable, if not lacking a certain context. I’ve worked with people with onset anxiety, and the family and loved ones who deal with it. There is a lot of this general light walking-changing of one’s behavior to better make sure they are not causing a triggering response and get away as quickly as possible. Do you hope for a natural socialization? Of course you do-that’s the point-but there are elements that require a lighter touch. Edit: It is entirely possible that is the case, and I misread-he was still not as snarky as he usually is -he did have to adjust himself-but his normal behavior may have been the trigger. Psycho Lawnmower fucked around with this message at 21:47 on Sep 13, 2021 |
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Sep 13, 2021 21:28
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As a romance, this path seems pretty weak. It started off kind of creepy with the intense focus on Hanako's anxiety, but as Hisao learned to interact with Hanako their friendship seemed more real. What is missing to me is any real sense of romantic attraction. So far he have him liking to see her smile, being worried when she cloistered herself, and that's about it? His behavior seems perfectly acceptable for a friendship, even if he feels a sense of responsibility he certainly hasn't been imperious. He also hasn't really shown any vulnerability either, so I'm not really sure how the romance part is going to work. It's the fourth act too, so I'm not sure how this can be wrapped up in a satisfying way. Maybe some ill-received cheer-up gesture, time apart, an apologetic confession and a reset? That's usually a mid-plot story beat, though.
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Sep 13, 2021 21:53
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Falconier111 posted:I can't say I see the appeal of men in kilts, myself. I would have enjoyed this game having one token gay route. However, the only pictured male that's not an authority figure is Kenji. I remember thinking at the time I started getting the Manly Picnic "Oh, jesus, did I get the Kenji route? I don't want loving Kenji- oh thank god I've fallen off the roof." (I can't remember if we discussed exactly what happens there, but just to be safe.) I think what Lilly and Mutou have been trying to get into Hisao's skull is that Hanako is walking a knife-edge. It would be easy to pack her in cotton and hide her away, and that would be just as bad for her as hauling her along on your adventures, which she would go along with because she doesn't have the strength to make a fuss. The thing is that Hisao needs to let her be the one making her decisions, he can't let his nascent protector urge metastasize into a controlling urge. As someone who was attracted to multiple broken people specifically because they were broken, and am currently acting as caretaker for my aged mother, that is a difficult path to walk.
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Sep 13, 2021 21:54
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EclecticTastes posted:I think you're misinterpreting some of what happened at first. When they first started interacting, Hisao, for lack of any better ideas of what to do, just tried to act normally, if somewhat gently (also deliberately avoiding paying undue attention to the scars), around Hanako, and only later did his behavior become more and more protective and anticipatory, and I'd contend that it was this initial behavior that actually sparked Hanako's interest. I'll wait for Falconier to give the go-ahead before discussing the bad ending we just dodged explicitly, but for now suffice it to say that it serves as my primary citation here. As always, I’m working towards the Good Ending. Keep in mind that the Hisao we’re seeing is the one who’s making all the right choices, and if things had gone differently he might have had very different responses. E: We already talked about the Act 1 Bad Ending, no need to spoil that. Falconier111 fucked around with this message at 21:57 on Sep 13, 2021 |
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Sep 13, 2021 21:55
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Decoy Badger posted:As a romance, this path seems pretty weak. It started off kind of creepy with the intense focus on Hanako's anxiety, but as Hisao learned to interact with Hanako their friendship seemed more real. What is missing to me is any real sense of romantic attraction. So far he have him liking to see her smile, being worried when she cloistered herself, and that's about it? Honestly, I've been thinking this entire time that Hanako has better chemistry with Lilly than with Hisao. I can't shake the impression that he's been the third wheel throughout most of these interactions; if it weren't for the fact that this is explicitly a het VN and he's the protagonist I don't think I'd expect the two of them to be getting together here.
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Sep 13, 2021 21:55
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Decoy Badger posted:As a romance, this path seems pretty weak. It started off kind of creepy with the intense focus on Hanako's anxiety, but as Hisao learned to interact with Hanako their friendship seemed more real. What is missing to me is any real sense of romantic attraction. So far he have him liking to see her smile, being worried when she cloistered herself, and that's about it? Yeah, there are hints of interest on both parts but that's not really a relationship, is it? I'll have more to say when we're done, but I think that so far Emi route had a better balance between communication problems creating conflicts vs small moments of connection. e: Thinking of it, not sure what this thread's spoiler policy is regarding discussion of the original version of the game.
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Sep 14, 2021 11:21
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YaketySass posted:e: Thinking of it, not sure what this thread's spoiler policy is regarding discussion of the original version of the game. You mean the leaked beta? … Just wrap it in spoiler tags, I guess, and don’t talk directly about the changes between it and stuff we haven’t covered yet 
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Sep 14, 2021 15:22
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Falconier111 posted:As of five minutes ago, I've fully updated the rest of the LP to use the hopefully more accessible format. If anyone's willing to have a look at it and see if it works, I'd appreciate it. I just caught up and I'm not quite sure when I started reading compared to your editing of the updates, but everything read quite nicely in the accessible format. I think I only noticed one instance of using the wrong character name for a quote below the portrait but I think you've already found and fixed it, or I misremembered which update it was in. This game is lovely and you're doing an excellent job showcasing it. It's been quite some time since I played it and I forgot just how nice the soundtrack is and how many memories the songs bring back. I also really enjoy all of the personal experiences everyone is sharing and the discussions that stem from them.
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Sep 14, 2021 23:19
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Falconier111 posted:Before I can object, she grabs my mathematics book with her hand. She scans the page I was on, holding it open with the one hand she has, her left arm sitting uselessly on her lap. In my time here at Yamaku, I've noticed that the other students have a wide range of adjustment to their disabilities, on a purely practical level. Miki is one of those that seem to have some trouble. The stump of her left arm tends to be either hanging by her side, slipped into a pocket, or otherwise put out of the way. Sometimes she has a difficult time doing common tasks, which makes her visibly quite frustrated. I feel a little bad for thinking this way, but I'm thankful that Hanako and I don't have disabilities affecting our freedom of movement to that extent. Then again... if Miki's problem worsened, at least she wouldn't have a real possibility of dying. You know what, this reminds me of when I was Uni; there was a woman in my course who was also missing a hand - half her arm, really - up to the elbow. I especially remember her having trouble with Photoshop, when we were learning to use that. Photoshop relies relatively heavily on modifier keys: having to hold down ctrl/shift/alt while also doing something with the mouse - in other words, it relies on the user having the use of both hands. I remember she would try to hit those modifier keys with her stump, but it wasn't really working. She could hit single modifier keys like that sometimes, but some operations in Photoshop require hitting multiple modifier keys simultaneously in different combinations and in a certain order, and those were right out. I helped her with some of those sometimes in class, but obviously that wasn't sustainable: I had my own work to do. I guess this is what sticky keys is for, but I don't know that any of us knew about that at the time. (This was in the early 2000s because I guess I'm getting old.) I would have suggested it, if I'd known. If I'd had any exposure to sticky keys back then, it would have been as "that annoying thing that Windows pops up (likely crashing my game) when I press shift too many times while playing some FPS or other". Then I would have set it to "always off" and forgotten about it until I next upgraded Windows.
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Sep 15, 2021 11:43
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Update 56: City Rendezvous Katawa Shoujo OST ~ Passing of Time  Katawa Shoujo OST - Fripperies  The library, while not humming with activity, is noticeably more busy than usual. Exams are not far away, and that's reflected in the number of students burying their noses in textbooks at the tables around us. I've been studying quite a lot in the past few days, just like them, in hope of doing well in the exams. This also means that Hanako and I have been playing games less, so she's begun studying as well just to fill in the time. Nevertheless, I've found myself forsaken by her on this particular day. The textbook in front of me has remained on the same page for some time. After so much reading on subjects I couldn't care less about if not for the exams, my mind is beginning to wander. I find my eyes flicking over to where Hanako would usually be, just like on the days she wasn't in class. Her usual beanbag in the corner of the room is conspicuously unoccupied. It was here that we first really met. I tried to start a conversation with her, she got skittish, and eventually bolted from the room altogether. I probably shouldn't smile about it, but it was kind of amusing, in hindsight. Nowadays, it's more and more difficult to imagine her doing such a thing. Even with Lilly gone, she's been doing well now that she's come out of her room. I want to talk with her, or at least play another game of chess. I'm tired of studying, and it's been a few days since we've really done anything together. The question of where to find Hanako isn't a particularly difficult one. If she's not in the library, chances are that she's either in the tearoom for some peace and quiet, or in her dormitory room. Deciding to check them in that order, I pack up my books and make my way out of the library. (Silence)  I stretch and give a loud groan as I walk down the hallway. Studying may be frustrating at times, but with the progress I feel I've made, there is also some sense of pride in getting it done. It's a good feeling. There isn't a sound to be heard from inside as I stand in front of the door to Hanako's room. I guess that isn't very indicative of whether she's inside or not, given how quiet she usually is. Still, she wasn't in the tearoom. I try knocking lightly to make my presence known, but am surprised when I find the door unlocked and yielding at my touch.  With a small creak, the door opens. It looks like my suspicions were correct; Hanako is indeed here. She's sitting at the table with an open book in front of her, but pays it no heed as she keeps looking out the window. She looks utterly oblivious to my presence. With her head thoughtfully resting on her hand, she looks calm and collected. It's a shame she can't look like this more often. Smiling a little, I walk up to the table and softly speak to her. HISAO: "Good evening, Hanako." Hanako's head turns a little to see me, but she's still only half there. I put a hand on the table and lower my head to better look at her face, mildly curious about what mood she's in. HISAO: "What's up?" She gasps a little, finally acknowledging my presence in the room for the first time. Hanako's blushing really heavily. Her mouth is open just a little, as if paused midsentence. Most striking, though, is what she's doing.  She's looking directly at me. Her eyes are pinned on my own, from such a close distance that I can almost see my reflection in them. They don't turn away, nor move at all. They're absolutely still, just looking into mine. They're dark, and give her an almost analytical air. Even when reading on subjects she has no interest in, she would appear to be rapt in her work to a casual observer. She absorbs information very well, and even now, I can feel that. I feel like I'm seeing something behind those eyes that I never saw before. I don't know what it is, though. HISAO: "Hanako...?" Her lips move just a little, silently mouthing something. She looks like she's on the verge of saying something, but won't say it. But that's the way Hanako always is. On the verge of saying something, but never quite doing it. As I look intently into her eyes, I realize something. Everyone has their own thoughts, things they want to say, their own worldview. But I can't work out what Hanako wants to say, and I can't work out what she's thinking. I never have been able to. It's frustrating. It feels like I don't know her at all, despite all the time we've spent together. HANAKO: "Hi... sao..." It's only now that I find myself blushing. I've been looking directly into Hanako's eyes from such a short distance with absolutely no regard for her, and she's been looking into mine without shirking away. I quickly look away while covering my face with my hand. Hanako does just the same. Another awkward silence reigns. I hate these. At first I accepted them as just being a fact of life around Hanako, but now all they feel like is an affirmation of how little we're able to communicate. Some anger makes its way in the complex mixture of emotions I'm experiencing right now. I want to bridge that gap between us. Friends shouldn't have to tiptoe around each other like this. I speak before I can argue myself out of what I'm going to do. My scarring isn't as bad as Hanako's, and I can't possibly compare my life to hers, but I want to show her that she's not alone. Doing this in such a blunt manner might be the only way to get my point across. HISAO: "Hanako... I want to show you something." I take a deep breath to prepare myself. This could backfire badly, but I feel as if we've come close enough for this to be okay. HISAO: "I'm not going to strip naked or anything weird, I'm just going to take off my shirt." Hanako's eyes grow to the size of saucers. Her face is an amusing mixture of curiosity and nervousness as she stands. It helps take the edge off my own nervousness at doing this in front of another person. Slowly, with my entire body feeling tense, I unknot my tie and begin to loose the first of the buttons. I'm trying to mentally block out Hanako to make this easier, but it's not really working. As I work my way down, I expect to hear some form of protest from her. She remains silent, though, which just makes this feel even stranger. With the last of my shirt unbuttoned, I take a breath and look at her. Katawa Shoujo OST - Letting My Heart Speak  Hanako's gaze is fixed on my scarring, as expected, and once I nod to say it's okay, she steps forward and tentatively places her hand on the vertical line running down my chest.  The scarring on her hand, a pattern of damaged skin across its surface, contrasts with the single uniform line that makes up mine. Her hand isn't trembling at all, unlike what I predicted. HANAKO: "This is..." HISAO: "The scar from the surgery that followed my heart attack. The surgeons had to cut open my chest to operate on my heart." HANAKO: "I never knew..." Hanako's words are calmer and softer than usual. The soft feeling of her fingers moving from my scar to my breast makes me hesitate a little before continuing on. HISAO: "You're the first person to see this since I left the hospital."  HANAKO: "But... why are you showing this to me?" HISAO: "I wanted to prove to myself that I could do this; that I could accept my past and move on. I wanted to show that to you, as well." She nods. From her reaction, she seems to know how difficult this is for me. More than anything, this scar represents a visible reminder of my condition. A reminder that I'm not “normal” any more. That's something that, until now, I had tried my hardest to ignore. As the minutes tick by, Hanako's gaze lingers. Her eyes look less focused on my scarring than before. The situation feels a bit different than it previously did, and makes me feel slightly uncomfortable. Her hand retreats, and I draw my shirt closed and begin to button it up. Her blushing face suddenly returns to its typical tense and timid state as she looks away. The room is completely silent as I fix my shirt and tie, feeling put off after such an unexpectedly intimate moment. HISAO: "So... I guess you're not the only one that's scarred." Hanako smiles a little at the joke, thankfully lightening the atmosphere a bit.  HANAKO: "Thank you... H-Hisao. I think... I understand." I give a long sigh of relief. I really didn't know how she'd take it, but I'm glad everything seems to have worked out as I hoped. Hanako's smile only proves that further. I'm finding the path I want to follow now, and what Hanako needs to do is to find her own. It's something I can't help her with, and it's something that she needs to overcome her past in order to do. Hanako checks her watch. It's getting late by now. HANAKO: "Hisao... um..." HISAO: "Yeah, I'd better be going. I'll be thankful for some sleep. It's been a long day, after all. Good night, Hanako." HANAKO: "G-good night." (Silence) I make my way out of her room and into the hallway, remaining silent as I do so. I think both of us have gone through a few emotions today. Katawa Shoujo OST ~ Passing of Time  Katawa Shoujo OST - Daylight (City Noises)  The heat of the summertime sun beats down on my sweating brow. Dabbing with a handkerchief doesn't help too much in making me any more comfortable. Giving up on the idea of getting more done today, I stop and lean against one of the overpass fences, resting my bag on the ground. The stores in the town below Yamaku are well-stocked and offer enough variety for me to get by, but at least an occasional shopping trip to the city is something that can't really be avoided. I've been here a few times, now. The city's layout is getting more familiar, and the nostalgia from its atmosphere is beginning to wear off. I realize that I've begun to wheeze. I sound like an old man that's overexerted himself, and having to connect that to the fact that I'm the source is a bit disturbing. I put a hand on my chest and concentrate for a bit to make sure I haven't gone far enough to cause any further problems. Thankfully, my heart is acting normally. There's no dull pain, and the beating is regular, albeit fast-paced, as I recover from overdoing things in this kind of heat. I hate my body. It's frustrating to be held back, even more to be held back by fear of my life being ended, when doing something as simple as walking around the city for a while. As I ponder on my health, I feel my pocket vibrating. By the time my phone's begun to ring, my hand is already fishing for it. A glance at the screen shows a caller number I don't recognize. Strange. Shrugging, I press the button to answer the call and bring the phone to my ear. HISAO: "Hello, Hisao Nakai speaking." ???: "..." The sound of a couple of short breaths can be heard, but no actual speech is forthcoming. HISAO: "Hello?"  HANAKO: "H... Hisao?" It's Hanako. Her voice is really easy to place, even if I've never heard it over a phone before. HISAO: "Hanako? Sorry, I wasn't expecting you to call. What's up?" HANAKO: "U-um... I... um... If... if you're not busy... I-I was wondering if y-you would... l-like to... m—" HISAO: "Meet up?" HANAKO: "Yes! U-um... I mean..." She sounds really wound up about this. I can hear muffled voices in the background, and it's about time for afternoon tea, so I guess she'll want me to meet her at the Shanghai or something. HISAO: "That sounds fine. Are you at the Shanghai?"  HANAKO: "I-I'm in... the city..." Hanako's here? Alone? That's a surprise. It's little wonder she's like this, if she's surrounded by people and entirely by herself. HISAO: "That works out well; I'm just wandering around there now. Where are you?" Hanako manages to stammer out the street name, address, and some basic directions to where she is. Luckily It's not too far, so I agree to see her soon before hanging up. (Silence) I look up to the sky. The summer heat is beating down. This is the first time Hanako's asked for us to do something together beyond a simple board game, and the first time, at least since I've known her, that she's come to the city by herself. Maybe this means that Lilly was right. Katawa Shoujo OST - Air Guitar By the time I manage to stagger up to the café where Hanako is, I've started to wheeze again. I'm sweating so much that I feel like a melting popsicle, and can barely hold the bag in my hand. I need to sit down, badly. The tables outside are all occupied by busily chatting couples and girls gossiping between themselves. The contrast between the different age groups and fashions of the people here and the people from the town near Yamaku is striking. I scan over the people sitting at the tables, but I can't see Hanako. She did say she was sitting outside, so I must just be missing her. Not difficult, given how small she usually tries to make her presence. I look around again, more slowly this time, taking particular care to see if I can find Hanako's hat. It's pretty distinctive, and I'd be very surprised if she wasn't wearing it. There she is. Sure enough, her head is kept low and the table she's sitting at is right beside the building in an inconspicuous corner. I walk up to where she is and make sure that I have her attention before I sit, lest I give her a scare. She notices me, and gives a small wave as I arrive at her table.  HANAKO: "A-are you feeling okay?" I try my best to laugh it off, but doing so just makes me more out of breath. HISAO: "Not very fit these days. Don't mind me." Hanako nods, but still looks a bit put off. Now that I can get a good look at her face, something about her seems a bit different. I'm not sure if my eyes are playing tricks on me, but she looks kind of nice. Her eyes move upwards to look at me, before quickly flicking down again. I begin to think this is going to be a rather quiet meeting, but a waitress thankfully arrives and sets down a cup of tea in front of Hanako. Hanako almost automatically turns slightly away and lowers the side of her head. It's an amazingly practiced motion, and does a good job of its intended purpose - hiding her scars from someone who's leaning in close. Her right arm is still laying on the table though, with the scarring on the back of her hand quite visible. It catches the waitress's eye, and I move to quickly distract her. HISAO: "Excuse me, may I place an order?" The waitress nods and gives me a couple of seconds to look at the menu. HISAO: "Could I have a mango smoothie, please?" She gives a nod before almost enthusiastically bouncing inside. Everything is so different in the city, in more ways than one. Hanako looks back up towards me and adjusts her hat a little. If she noticed the waitress staring at her scars, she doesn't show it. HANAKO: "N-not coffee...?" HISAO: "I think I'd die from this heat if I had something like coffee right now." Resting my head in my hand, I look to my quiet companion. She seems taken aback; a very unexpected reaction to my lame joke. An unwelcome emotion bubbles up inside me as I realize her reason why. Unlike most in Yamaku, indeed, unlike anyone there that I'm aware of, my condition goes beyond limiting the activities I can do. Or to be more precise, breaching those limits could have much more grave consequences. Thankfully, it's something that's very rarely come up since I entered Yamaku. I thought that it was so rare that Hanako and Lilly might not think of it at all. It turns out that I was wrong. Hanako silently drinks her tea while I wait for my drink, confirming that it's the right temperature with a small sip before she begins in earnest. I feel guilty for being the cause of an uncomfortable silence, since in the past I've been kind of hard on Hanako for those. Eventually the same waitress as before bounces up, handing me my drink. I gather change from my pocket and drop it into her waiting hand, before she goes off to attend to another customer. My eyes linger on her as she walks away.  HANAKO: "Do you think that she looks... pretty...?" Hanako is following my gaze, her eyes taking in the waitress that served us. I can feel my blood slowly going to my cheeks as I rest my smoothie back on the table. HISAO: "Nah, can't really say that I'm really into that look. She just looked a lot like an old friend I knew before my heart attack." HANAKO: "Did you... have many friends?" HISAO: "I had a few at my previous school, though I wouldn't say a lot. The four of us just hung around together after school and stuff." HANAKO: "Do you still talk to them?" I shake my head. HISAO: "No. We gradually lost contact while I was stuck in the hospital." HANAKO: "You're not... saddened by that? Or angry?" Hanako looks genuinely surprised. I guess it's the right reaction. HISAO: "Well, life did move on for them while I was stuck in the ward. I was pretty sore about it at the time, but now it's just a bunch of nice memories. Besides, once I came to Yamaku I found new friends as well." That's quite a whitewash of what my feelings were back then. I went through some dark times during my stay at the hospital, and I really am glad that Hanako and Lilly were around to help me after I left it. Hanako blushes as we both get down to enjoying our drinks. She seems to have calmed down since I arrived, and I've started to feel a little better now that I've had the chance to rest a bit, so this is getting to be a nice outing already. Even if she's calmer than before, though, she's still fidgeting a bit. She runs her hand down one of her bangs as I try to think of something to say. HISAO: "That's right. I was going to ask..." Hanako tilts her head quizzically. HISAO: "I didn't know you had a mobile phone. How'd you get my number?" HANAKO: "L-Lilly... gave it... to me." I should have guessed. HISAO: "You know, you could have just asked; I'd have given it to you. Want to exchange email addresses?" Hanako nods, setting down her drink and fishing out her phone from her pocket as I do the same.  A flip phone. Well, it WAS 2012. It's, surprisingly, the same model as mine. Pink, though. HISAO: "Nice phone." She looks to me with a curious expression, before noticing my phone and giggling. It's one of the very few times I've seen Hanako let her guard down enough to do such a thing. HANAKO: "I didn't pick it out myself, though." HISAO: "Oh?" HANAKO: "It was a present, from Lilly. I never really needed a phone, and I couldn't afford one. She bought me one for Christmas, though, saying that we could use it to keep in touch." They see each other basically every day anyway, both in and out of school... Then again, Lilly does have her class representative duties and other friends that she talks with. It'd probably help for situations like this, too, when she's gone away for a while. HISAO: "Lilly's a very special person to you, isn't she?" HANAKO: "She is. I... love her... very much." Hanako looks down and smiles as she thinks of her. None of my friendships were as deep as theirs, and I have to admit to myself that I'm a little jealous of their relationship. We tell each other our email addresses and thumb them into our respective phones, and I get Hanako's number from earlier and put it into my contacts list. HANAKO: "...Done. That makes three, now." HISAO: "Three?" HANAKO: "Lilly, Akira and you." HISAO: "Ah, Akira. She's an interesting person, isn't she?" HANAKO: "She is. She's also really nice, though. Her suit makes her... look a bit cool." HISAO: "I'm a little surprised you know each other well, what with her job taking up so much of her time." Hanako looks down a little and takes another sip of her drink. If I wasn't looking intently at her face, I'd miss the small smile perched on it. I guess when she knows so few people, those she knows must mean a lot to her. HANAKO: "How many... do you have?" HISAO: "Me? About nine or ten." I hesitate to go into them for fear of rubbing in the fact that Hanako doesn't have parents, or apparently even close relatives. Two of those are Shizune and Misha, too, which is another can of worms. HISAO: "I imagine that Lilly would have more than both of us put together, probably." Hanako gives a childish giggle, and I can't help smiling. It's a good feeling that she's gotten this comfortable around me; at times like this, I feel like I'm getting close to talking to her true self. HISAO: "Do you mind if I ask something that I've been wondering?" Hanako shakes her head as she takes a last sip of her tea, finishing it off. HISAO: "You don't seem very jealous of Lilly having lots of friends. Don't you want to make some more friends yourself, or get to know some of hers?" HANAKO: "I'm not jealous. I... don't like people, so I don't mind not having many friends." That's... really not the answer that I was expecting. She doesn't look fearful or sad as she says this, but rather, quite serious. HANAKO: "I..." Hanako rubs her arm awkwardly, having taken my quietness as a reason to continue. I'm not really sure what I should say, so I end up simply giving her my attention in silence. HANAKO: "In middle school, I got bullied... a lot. I was called names, and got excluded from work groups and sports teams. There were... worse things, too." HISAO: "And that's what made you not like other people?" She shakes her head.  HANAKO: "That was... elementary school." I feel bad for bringing this up now. Adults have enough problems dealing with Hanako's scarring; children would be all the worse. I had assumed that the way she tried to make her presence not felt was just to avoid people staring at her, or because she was afraid of them; certainly not because she genuinely didn't want to interact with them in the first place as well. I notice the condensation from my neglected smoothie forming a little puddle around the bottom of the cup, so I take the opportunity to finish it off. (Silence) As I drink, she begins to fiddle with her phone. It looks like she's remembered the people around her again, and begun to tense up. It isn't exactly a cheap phone - I had to save up for quite a while to afford one when I got mine. If Lilly went to a private school, she probably wouldn't have too much trouble getting one for a present, though. Watching her fiddle with it gives me an idea... HISAO: "Hey Hanako, wait for me. I'll be right back." I put the now empty cup down, slip my phone into my pocket, and begin to move off, carefully stepping around the bag I'd placed beside my feet. Thankfully, sitting around while talking to Hanako has helped me feel a lot better than before. HANAKO: "Wait, w-what? Wh-where are you going?" HISAO: "Just stay here, I'll be back in a bit!" As much as I'd have liked to have jogged back, I know full well that I couldn't. I end up walking back to the café, a little blue bag in my right hand. Katawa Shoujo OST - Everyday Fantasy Hanako notices me quickly, looking about as confused as she did when I left. I deposit the diminutive bag in front of her and sit back down. HANAKO: "Is this...?" HISAO: "It's for you. You can open it." HANAKO: "B-but..." HISAO: "Go on." She looks very unsure about it, but eventually gives in, slowly opens the bag and picks its contents out.  A silver chain phone strap dangles from her fingers, ending in a delicate flower. It isn't exactly a masterwork of jewelry, but it's about as much as I could afford. Hanako's eyes light up when she looks at it. It's the kind of reaction I was hoping for. The summer sun's light glints off the silver as it twists to and fro a little. It's not too ostentatious, but still looks a little charming. I think it suits her well. Hanako lowers the phone strap to the table and looks to me once more. HANAKO: "But... it's not... Christmas, or my birthday..." HISAO: "It's fine, don't worry about it. I just thought it might be nice to have something to decorate your phone with." HANAKO: "I-I don't have anything to give to you..." HISAO: "I told you, it's fine. Friends can give things to each other like this sometimes, right?" HANAKO: "Friends..." Hanako lowers her face so much that I can't see her expression. She eventually nods, before taking her phone and fiddling with the strap to attach it properly.  She looks to me and smiles as she holds up her phone, now adorned with a little flower. HANAKO: "Thank you... Hisao." Her smile proves infectious. Out of the corner of my eye, I notice a couple getting up and leaving. That reminds me that the bus back to the town below Yamaku will be coming soon. HISAO: "I guess I'd better be going if I want to catch the next bus back to town. You coming as well?" HANAKO: "Ah, y-yes." She hastily nods before carefully putting her phone back into her pocket and getting out of her chair. I do the same and pick up the bag I'd left beside me on the way out. We walk side by side as we make our way to the bus station, exchanging no words between us. Hanako's gaze is firmly locked ahead of her, though she looks very happy with herself. I'm not sure what I should say to her, but I'm also not sure that I need to say anything. The fact that Hanako is happy, and happy because of me, is enough to make the load on my arm feel light as a feather. Falconier111 fucked around with this message at 02:46 on Sep 16, 2021 |
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Sep 15, 2021 19:55
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They're really taking their time with the romance bit.
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Sep 15, 2021 20:47
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Hanako/Lilly route when
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Sep 15, 2021 22:17
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Dance Officer posted:They're really taking their time with the romance bit. I definitely admire the slow burn going on here.
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Sep 15, 2021 23:04
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SoundwaveAU posted:I definitely admire the slow burn going on here. 
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Sep 15, 2021 23:37
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Hisao is so infuriating in this path when you already know how it ends...
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Sep 16, 2021 00:40
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SoundwaveAU posted:I definitely admire the slow burn going on here. Hanako sure doesn't. Falconier111 posted:
I think this is the route where Hisao is far and away the dumbest, as evidenced here.
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Sep 16, 2021 00:42
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was typing up a post earlier and decided to not because I am bad at words. I will echo this though EclecticTastes posted:
Outside of the surprising amount of thoughtfulness of this particular Hisao shows, his dense romance anime protagonist vibes are very strong. The flipside of course is we're looking outside in and understand what the ultimate goal he's going to reach at the end of route. Another thing is for me, a person who has struggled with relationships and the general anxiety around them as an introvert, some of the things Hanako has said/done during the course of the story so far are especially obvious to me as showing her interest in Hisao romantically. Guess I ended up posting my thoughts anyway
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Sep 16, 2021 01:03
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Evil Kit posted:Another thing is for me, a person who has struggled with relationships and the general anxiety around them as an introvert, some of the things Hanako has said/done during the course of the story so far are especially obvious to me as showing her interest in Hisao romantically. By contrast I'm a big extroverted oaf and nothing that has happened in this route so far has looked like somebody who is romantically or sexually interested in another person. This is firmly in the level of interest showing that I'd consider platonic at most but more likely "acquaintance who is lightly curious about me."
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Sep 16, 2021 01:49
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cardinale posted:Hanako/Lilly route when be the change you want to see in the world Tulip posted:By contrast I'm a big extroverted oaf and nothing that has happened in this route so far has looked like somebody who is romantically or sexually interested in another person. This is firmly in the level of interest showing that I'd consider platonic at most but more likely "acquaintance who is lightly curious about me." I regret to inform you you may have missed some opportunities in the past, because to me Hanako is definitely sending out “I am extremely interested in you” vibes. She’s just so awkward, closed off, and socially gunshy that she has no idea how to properly express it. While I could argue either way for platonic or romantic interest, the fact that Hanako, the girl who only speaks complete sentences around like three people and has told exactly one person anything about her past, invited him out on a date to the city speaks volumes. E: quote:Eventually the same waitress as before bounces up, handing me my drink. I gather change from my pocket and drop it into her waiting hand, before she goes off to attend to another customer. My eyes linger on her as she walks away. Falconier111 fucked around with this message at 02:47 on Sep 16, 2021 |
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Sep 16, 2021 02:34
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Tulip posted:By contrast I'm a big extroverted oaf and nothing that has happened in this route so far has looked like somebody who is romantically or sexually interested in another person. This is firmly in the level of interest showing that I'd consider platonic at most but more likely "acquaintance who is lightly curious about me." Same, this is just a good friend being friendly.
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Sep 16, 2021 02:42
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