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In my 5e game, the party hiked for four days across mountains and returned a puppy that was left behind to a bandit who owned him. The bandit was very happy to see her dog again. They then knowingly caused an avalanche that buried the entire bandit camp in thick snow, practically killing every bandit residing there. The dog survived.
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Aug 31, 2021 15:47
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Well that's one way to get your own pet I suppose.
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Aug 31, 2021 15:54
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CobiWann posted:According to my DM, Eldritch Blast is gluten-free. I think the more important question if its alcoholic
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Aug 31, 2021 17:55
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According to my DM, there's a difference between "pulling a DB Cooper" and "pulling a Dale Cooper."
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Aug 31, 2021 18:57
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CobiWann posted:According to my DM, there's a difference between "pulling a DB Cooper" and "pulling a Dale Cooper." ..... which were you aiming for?
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Aug 31, 2021 20:45
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Hijacking a plane for ransom vs. Hijacking a plane because they ran out of coffee
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Aug 31, 2021 22:14
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CobiWann posted:According to my DM, there's a difference between "pulling a DB Cooper" and "pulling a Dale Cooper." It's early as gently caress and I am not entirely awake, so as soon as I saw "Dale" my mind immediately leapt to Gribble, and re-flavoring Prismatic Ray as Pocket Sand
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Sep 5, 2021 12:05
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the_steve posted:It's early as gently caress and I am not entirely awake, so as soon as I saw "Dale" my mind immediately leapt to Gribble, and re-flavoring Prismatic Ray as Pocket Sand Related: in 3.5 D&D, mirror shades are an actual item you can buy.
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Sep 5, 2021 14:21
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Finally was able to get a dnd game going after covid scrapped the last one I'm in. Near the end of the session I have realized I'm either going to have a funny new traveling companion, or I've just started the dnd equivalent of the last of us. Our party of a half elf ranger, a halfling bard, a dragonborn wizard, and myself a lizardfolk druid. We were tasked with clearing out a mine near a town that the minors had let out some creatures in their digging. When clearing out one of the rooms the half elf noticed what possible could be a small fey creature (boggle) watching over us. I had taken sylvan as a bonus language from my background and thought yay I can use this Me: Who is there Creature: When Me: Now? Creature: Is that your name, may I have your name? At this point above game I had realized the pit I may have dug myself in so I rolled a check to see if the druid who raised me had told me anything in terms of fey and dealing with them. I avoided giving my name, found out it was trying to have some fun, and ended up doing this Creature: May I follow you I try and process this for a second and it speaks again Creature: Would you be my host. Me: You can follow We clear out the rest of the mine dealing with snakes, some spiders, and meeting some friendly myconids. Feeling satisfied as we head up I ask if the creature had a good time. It popped near my head saying it was okay, and dropping a mushroom on my head. I think nothing of it, and head back with the group to the mine entrance. I'm asked to make a constitution saving throw. I don't do great, and am informed the mushroom is now growing out of my head. It is at this time it dawns on my character that I never mentioned for how long this fey could follow me. So new "friend" acquired, and after the dragonborn pulled the mushroom off my head I'm asked to make a roll where it immediately grows back. So we'll see where this train takes me.
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Sep 5, 2021 14:53
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I’m reading this right after watching that episode of The Expanse with the death slugs filling the water, killing those guys, and appearing all over the walls and ceilings, the thought of a mushroom growing out of my head makes my skin crawl. Looking forward to seeing how you get out of that particular predicament.
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Sep 5, 2021 21:14
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My group just started our Mage 20 game last night. We have a modern day alchemist in our cabal who is a kind of Timothy Leary character. I knew the player was making a rogue alchemist of some kind, but didn't know where he was going with the actual personality. The character turned out to be an overweight neckbeard who lives in a squalid dump despite being able to literally turn lead into gold at-will. His digs are lovely not for lack of means, but because he is a loving goon.  A pusher NPC had us all introduce ourselves to the shared chantry (i.e. magical stronghold) by way of food, and a ritual around sharing a meal. He had us each choose a signature "comfort food," something that tells others where we're from culturally, and what we're like. We have a Brazilian and a Maori-New Zealander and Scot. All of us choose these cool, eclectic dishes to share. Then the NPC gets to the American, the alchemist. "It's a, uh, dish of my own creation. I call it, 'mac n' cheese and spam burrito.' It's best microwaved."  
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Sep 5, 2021 21:24
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Agrikk posted:I’m reading this right after watching that episode of The Expanse with the death slugs filling the water, killing those guys, and appearing all over the walls and ceilings, the thought of a mushroom growing out of my head makes my skin crawl. Part of me is horrified at what I've done knowing about fey, but the other part is gently caress it I've got a new buddy lets give them the best tour of the material plane I can.
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Sep 5, 2021 21:48
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Railing Kill posted:
Well I know what I'm having for dinner!
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Sep 5, 2021 22:32
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Tonight the D&D group I DM for were faced with a lightly-defended gate they needed to pass. They, being 8th level and having shown no qualms about murder in the past, decided their best course of action was to use Druidcraft to make a bad smell and to convince the single guard that he farted bad enough—without feeling it—that he should leave his post to check his trousers. It didn’t work like they expected/hoped but the stench did distract him for a moment, long enough for the ranger to line up a shot and kill the level 1 guard with a single arrow. This plan took them 10 real-world minutes to argue about/plan the logistics of.
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Sep 13, 2021 05:41
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So last night we had our big finale of our long-running campaign. It went great in general, but the funniest part to me is their sad gay wizard from a Bush-esque political dynasty who hated his family fell into darkness in the face of the looming threat of their army being overwhelmed by being encircled by the undead. When his player wrote her story about why he was falling, he had all these fantasies of growing his hair out long and getting a way cooler magic coat and being a badass dark hero who would take on dark lords by himself. When he dramatically revealed he knew the terrifying chain-detonation attack spell Dark Magi get, though, when he used his first ever Dark spell, he both detonated twenty or so enemy undead (I admit I'd set them up entirely so he could slaughter the whole lot of them there to reveal he knew that spell) but also rolled a miscast. The miscast result: Every bit of hair on his body fell out. The Dark took his precious hair. The hair he desired for looking like a cool renegade hero. By the end of the night he was bleeding from his nose, his eyes were bloodshot, he was completely bald, and he was covered in an aura of black flames that actually set him on fire eventually. Other highlights of the night: The wizard's formerly alt-right leaning brother completing his redemption and reconciliation arc by blowing apart a setting equivalent of a Nazi vampire with a pulse rifle, the smug medic demanding to see death's manager and impressing the Watcher, the father of all necromancy, because he'd never had a hero challenge him to a duel like that before, then going 3 whole turns with him before he cut her arm off (The goal of the final battle was to buy time by keeping him talking, then delay him, with turns and damage done moving things towards the finale) before getting back up to come at him one-armed (Lotta Fate Points got used in the final battle as one of the conceits was they could stay in the fight by using them), the Heavy realizing the Watcher's cybernetic left arm was something he was very proud of (as he historically could not keep his left arm on but a cyber-arm seemed to stick) and pissing him off by specifically shooting his arm, making him drop kicking the poo poo out of the medic, engineer, and wizard in hand to hand and come over to punch the Heavy repeatedly rather than bothering to use his sword (It was an actual mechanic that attacking his arm would enrage him) and tricking him into walking through a minefield to do it. In the end they didn't lose any PCs, but they lost a skull fracture, two arms, a leg, several ribs, and a lot of blood between them. And they saved their two Fate-less NPC helpers. It was a very fitting capstone to the story of four young conscripts trying to survive when their alpine training mission got interrupted by biohorrors. They delayed him long enough for his ancient rival and a bunch of archmagi to arrive and save the army and the city they were defending, probably saving the war in the Western Federation by holding on for just a few more minutes. Night10194 fucked around with this message at 13:14 on Sep 13, 2021 |
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Sep 13, 2021 12:50
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Listen, we've all been there: wanted to be Magus and ended up as Howie Mandel instead.
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Sep 14, 2021 12:31
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Night10194 posted:the smug medic demanding to see death's manager and impressing the Watcher, the father of all necromancy just to clarify, the manager and the necromancer were the same person? definitely stealing this line and building a whole character concept around it
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Sep 14, 2021 16:35
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Captain Walker posted:just to clarify, the manager and the necromancer were the same person? definitely stealing this line and building a whole character concept around it "The dead don't take bathroom breaks"
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Sep 14, 2021 17:42
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Captain Walker posted:just to clarify, the manager and the necromancer were the same person? definitely stealing this line and building a whole character concept around it Indeed, that's how she referred to the Watcher.
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Sep 14, 2021 19:35
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More importantly, did she take the artificial arm?
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Sep 14, 2021 21:19
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She got a artificial arm, and the army paid for it. The Watcher was driven into retreat but it really wasn't the kind of battle you take trophies from. She does have his fancy lich's pipe and the dual swords of his pet nazi vampire she killed in a duel, though. Those are trophies.
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Sep 14, 2021 22:24
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Overheard at GenCon: "I'm a scientist." "That says 'war criminal.'" "It's a technicality." "Never get between a man and his couch!" "Does a squad of trained ducks count as an army or a navy?" "Are you the party wizard?" "I set things on fire." "Is that a yes or a no?"
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Sep 23, 2021 01:54
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Cobalt-60 posted:"Does a squad of trained ducks count as an army or a navy?" Marines, surely
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Sep 23, 2021 06:26
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Air force
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Sep 23, 2021 16:28
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"Your mission is to infiltrate the enemy keep and disrupt their operations. Sabotage equipment, eliminate personnel, and breach defenses so the party can walk right in. This is a solo infiltration mission, and if you're captured, the Circle of Druids will disavow any knowledge of your existence. Do you accept the assignment, Agent?" "HONK" Captain Walker fucked around with this message at 17:50 on Sep 23, 2021 |
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Sep 23, 2021 17:46
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According to my DM, there is no such creature as Thirty Flaming Skulls In A Trenchcoat. Even in Ravenloft.
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Sep 24, 2021 23:55
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CobiWann posted:According to my DM, there is no such creature as Thirty Flaming Skulls In A Trenchcoat. Even in Ravenloft. Challenge accepted.
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Sep 25, 2021 00:53
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CobiWann posted:According to my DM, there is no such creature as Thirty Flaming Skulls In A Trenchcoat. Even in Ravenloft. 
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Sep 25, 2021 02:19
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CobiWann posted:According to my DM, there is no such creature as Thirty Flaming Skulls In A Trenchcoat. Even in Ravenloft. You're playing dnd. This is why people play pathfinder instead. There's also a demilich swarm.
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Sep 25, 2021 02:30
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CobiWann posted:According to my DM, there is no such creature as Thirty Flaming Skulls In A Trenchcoat. Even in Ravenloft. Pretty sure that Von Richten's Guide to Ravenloft begs to differ.
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Sep 25, 2021 04:55
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CobiWann posted:According to my DM, there is no such creature as Thirty Flaming Skulls In A Trenchcoat. Even in Ravenloft. Well no, it's 30 creatures acting as a medium swarm
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Sep 25, 2021 07:24
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My goth bard learned Polymorph and I found an ambiguity in the rules. It specifies a Beast (i.e. natural animal, not a monster), but doesn't specifically bar swarms. I didn't have a min-maxer reason to do this, but I just thought it would be cool for my goth bard to turn into a murder of crows or a swarm of bats at some point. Bards are nothing if not stylish, after all. The DM approved on the grounds that it was cool and spooky, and that was that. Several sessions later, my character got magically compelled to "go surrender to the drow as quickly as possible." Naturally, I wanted to gently caress with the Suggestion as much as possible with the bounds of the compulsion. So I looked up flying forms I could take with Polymorph to go "as quickly" as my character could go. Then I stumbled into the rules for swarms that make them resistant to mind control. So I made maybe the most shaky rules pitch I've ever made as a player (I'm not naturally a rules lawyer). I asked if I could bust out that agreement we made about swarms, which was iffy from the start. Then, I asked if its mental resistance would retroactively apply to the Suggestion, as my characters mind might be jarred out of it by the experience of the Polymorph. The DM generously let me use Polymorph, and let me make a second save against the Suggestion as a compromise. So my bard turned into a murder of crows, swept through the passage toward her friends, and reconstituted as only a CHA 20 bard can do.   The rest of the party might have been able to appreciate how cool it looked if the whole party wasn't totally hosed in that encounter already. Ehhhh
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Sep 25, 2021 12:43
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Railing Kill posted:The rest of the party might have been able to appreciate how cool it looked if the whole party wasn't totally hosed in that encounter already. This is the subtitle to like 80% of all bard stories and it rules.
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Sep 25, 2021 15:25
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Railing Kill posted:My goth bard learned Polymorph and I found an ambiguity in the rules. It specifies a Beast (i.e. natural animal, not a monster), but doesn't specifically bar swarms. I didn't have a min-maxer reason to do this, but I just thought it would be cool for my goth bard to turn into a murder of crows or a swarm of bats at some point. Bards are nothing if not stylish, after all. What about a bouquet* of brightly-coloured hummingbirds? That would be stylish. *I looked it up and apparently that is the word for a collective of hummingbirds. It's simultaneously very French, very appropriate, and very pretentious.
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Sep 25, 2021 16:33
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I am totally going to introduce a bard NPC in my new campaign that changes into a bouquet of hummingbirds, because goddamn if that isn’t awesome and also so I get to say “bouquet” a lot.
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Sep 25, 2021 16:50
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Railing Kill posted:So my bard turned into a murder of crows, swept through the passage toward her friends, and reconstituted as only a CHA 20 bard can do. I'm pitching this to my DM in our next campaign. That's amazing.
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Sep 25, 2021 21:47
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CobiWann posted:I'm pitching this to my DM in our next campaign. That's amazing. Some time later... CobiWann posted:According to my DM...
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Sep 25, 2021 22:35
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According to my DM, there is no such thing as a Studded Leather Daddy.
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Sep 27, 2021 02:45
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I don't think that's correct.
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Sep 27, 2021 02:52
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CobiWann posted:According to my DM, there is no such thing as a Studded Leather Daddy. Getting Tom of Finland vibes from that.
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Sep 27, 2021 03:01
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