Comic Strips 2021: like Mary Worth pressing her butt cheeks on the window.

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > BSS: Bisexual Super Son > Comic Strips 2021: like Mary Worth pressing her butt cheeks on the window.

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Medenmath: Jan 18, 2003

Vintage Valiant (Aug. 17, 1947)

# ? Oct 7, 2021 13:19

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# ? May 29, 2024 18:22

manero: Jan 30, 2006

Nancy 1946

# ? Oct 7, 2021 13:35

Cowslips Warren: Oct 29, 2005; What use had they for tricks and cunning, living in the enemy's warren and paying his price?; Grimey Drawer

Hell yeah two Katwins.

Maybe. Hopefully they won't be in each other's kickass way.

# ? Oct 7, 2021 13:39

My Lovely Horse: Aug 21, 2010

Next week - Suspense! is a pretty good one.

# ? Oct 7, 2021 13:45

Green Intern: Dec 29, 2008; Loon, Crazy and Laughable

Doomykins posted:

"We own the building and the business, you moron. You didn't inherit it as the last employee. All you've done is made it easier for us to cut you off even harder. We can send an intern to sit there physically if we have to. Are you alright? Are you mentally well, should you have a caretaker watching you right now?"

I haaaaaaaaate this storyline so much. It's like if you asked Bizarro to write it. My mind boggles at how often the words and events displayed declare the opposite of what is portrayed. So Skip is writing in his abandoned office that he's the only employee of the local paper in his small midwestern American town and actually shows scenes of his standard news reporting: he attends local events and writes down that they happened. So of course he writes that his paper "is a check against those in power", the romantic dream of the media in America. Yeah sure, Batiuk isn't going to do anything approaching nuance about the semi-mythical ideal for fictional reporters that was brought about by Watergate and stories inspired by it. Considering that Skip looks like the nicest, gentlest guy in the entire city I can't believe he's ever done anything more risky and offensive to anyone then asked candidates for mayor to recite their campaign bulletpoints. He's missing an arm and given his age maybe he actually did pen some mighty fine articles about a war at the time but the idea(and he directly references the nefarious Russians and fake news) that Skip and the Sentinel could hold a corrupt dog catcher in check is a bad joke.

Thinking fast Skip drives multiple hours to New York itself to dramatically confront Evil Financers in person, even though they're ignoring his calls, sabotaging his business and either keeping him on as a matter of convenience to maintain the facade the paper is open for some reason, or because they literally forgot and don't care. Or they're just waiting him out for some nefarious HR reason like denying him benefits or unemployment, who knows. I can't imagine what benefit anyone but Skip gets from the paper publishing with one reporter's worth of hunt and pecked stories, so we can assume it's only putting out purely ceremonial once a week printings or something. Imagine driving 8-12 hours round-trip to be told "Go away, you idiot."

Skip somehow gets past the literally impossible challenge of the front door and any security guard saying "No" and "If you don't leave I will detain you and call the police." For some reason Wevil Moneyman is going to hear Skip out and even asks him if he wants a raise, presumably for doing nothing. Skip appeals to the goodness(?!) of Moneyman's heart and at no point does Moneyman say "Dude, we're shutting your paper down, sod off." Then Skip dramatically announces that he will not line the pockets of Moneyman's firm any longer with the triple digits in forgotten, reoccurring subscription costs that the Sentinel still rakes in. This seems to shock Moneyman who was in charge of shutting the paper down because now the paper will shut down slightly faster. And I love the idiocy soaking the whole story of Skip sniffing his own farts about keeping the powerful in check when the first group with a tier of money greater than the owners of the Sentinel pretty efficiently dismantled them effortlessly. Because powerful politicians never throw money around to get what they want. I'm sure Skip will go home and his final article(which he is penning now so it's a flashback narrative or whatever) will arouse the righteous anger of the public and Evil Banking Group will lose their entire stock value in a single afternoon.

But God drat. How is this worse then the Les Moore trash and the Boomer Comic Men garbage? This is insultingly bad. It assumes you don't understand cause and effect, the passage of time, that you can't remember things from day to day, that you'll stand up and clap obediently because somebody vaguely resembling a well known heroic cliche stands up and Does The Right Thing. gently caress off Batiuk.

OK, thank you for letting me indulge in thread tradition. In a happier one here's:

I can't wait for the Pizza Monster to show up!

# ? Oct 7, 2021 14:01

Vargo: Dec 27, 2008; 'Cuz it's KILLIN' ME!

Breaking Cat News

Phoebe and Her Unicorn

Wallace the Brave

Curtis

# ? Oct 7, 2021 14:07

Green Intern: Dec 29, 2008; Loon, Crazy and Laughable

fondue posted:

Thank you so much!

Tired easily these days ... knocked up?

She's been knitting and sewing baby clothes for months, and seeing a tiny sock gave Val the determination to sail across the Atlantic to rescue her.

Yes.

# ? Oct 7, 2021 14:09

Medenmath: Jan 18, 2003

Green Intern posted:

She's been knitting and sewing baby clothes for months, and seeing a tiny sock gave Val the determination to sail across the Atlantic to rescue her.

Yes.

Yeah sorry, I didn't see fondue's post before. Aleta is tired because she's pregnant. Part of the reason Katwin insisted on coming with Val for the rescue is she already knew this.

# ? Oct 7, 2021 14:38

Cowslips Warren: Oct 29, 2005; What use had they for tricks and cunning, living in the enemy's warren and paying his price?; Grimey Drawer

Medenmath posted:

Yeah sorry, I didn't see fondue's post before. Aleta is tired because she's pregnant. Part of the reason Katwin insisted on coming with Val for the rescue is she already knew this.

And I think when the rear end in a top hat kidnaper slapped her, and tiny clothes fell out of her outfit, that proved to the crew she was pregnant, and made most of them realize oh gently caress, Val is really not gonna give her up.

# ? Oct 7, 2021 14:55

Twelve by Pies: May 4, 2012; Again a very likpatous story

That dude in Crankshaft is like "You're not profiting off our paper anymore, now you own nothing!" but as already pointed out the company owns the paper, meaning they own the building and everything in it. So they own quite a bit, meaning they can sell off all the stuff in the building as well as the building itself, meaning yes, they can continue to profit off the paper, at least for a little while. And if Crankshaft was written by someone who wasn't a hack, that is exactly what the rich guy would say to him.

This is just so incredibly loving stupid.

# ? Oct 7, 2021 15:01

maltesh: May 20, 2004; Uncle Ben: Still Dead.

Cowslips Warren posted:

And I think when the rear end in a top hat kidnaper slapped her, and tiny clothes fell out of her outfit, that proved to the crew she was pregnant, and made most of them realize oh gently caress, Val is really not gonna give her up.

Ulfrun and co were invited, or am I misremembering?

And then Ulfrun decided to kidnap the host's daughter-in-law, and suddenly this little party jaunt the crew had been on turns into a kidnapping flight across the ocean, and whatever happens, they'll never see their friends and families again.

# ? Oct 7, 2021 15:04

goatface: Dec 5, 2007; I had a video of that when I was about 6.

I remember it being shit.; Grimey Drawer

Wife stealing is just how royalty does. They probably originally thought at the worst they would get away with "boys will be boys, some of you are dead now swear allegiance to your new lord". Then they learned they were involved in kidnapping the unborn heir to the throne and poo poo got rather more annihilatory.

# ? Oct 7, 2021 15:13

davidspackage: May 16, 2007; Nap Ghost

riderchop posted:

Heathcliff

poo poo, really? *gets out bee razor*

# ? Oct 7, 2021 15:23

Poil: Mar 17, 2007

Aleta has very good taste in servants.

goatface posted:

Wife stealing is just how royalty does. They probably originally thought at the worst they would get away with "boys will be boys, some of you are dead now swear allegiance to your new lord". Then they learned they were involved in kidnapping the unborn heir to the throne and poo poo got rather more annihilatory.

Yeah, if the husband is someone like prince Val, Agamemnon or Genghis Khan you know there is no escape. A shame it's not a fate shared with all of those kind of kidnappers.

# ? Oct 7, 2021 15:37

Powered Descent: Jul 13, 2008; We haven't had that spirit here since 1969.

Bizarro

The Family Circus

The southerners have stolen the Sun from us, and even now they are carting their prize homeward. However, I have a plan to retrieve it. It will take some months to execute, but in the end, I swear the Sun shall return to the northern skies!

# ? Oct 7, 2021 16:39

JethroMcB: Jan 23, 2004; We're normal now.
We love your family.

Doomykins posted:

"We own the building and the business, you moron. You didn't inherit it as the last employee. All you've done is made it easier for us to cut you off even harder. We can send an intern to sit there physically if we have to. Are you alright? Are you mentally well, should you have a caretaker watching you right now?"

This is the part I can't get over. They didn't buy you, idiot, they bought assets. You have over three decades of lived experience on me, Tom, but somehow you still don't understand how capital operates or how its momentum can not be impeded.

The next dozen-plus comic should be a searing rebuttal:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=35DSdw7dHjs

But, as you and others have guessed, the very wealthy man will be reduced to a fool, somehow, and the old man will make the default drat Dan Davis smugface in response.

# ? Oct 7, 2021 17:14

F_Shit_Fitzgerald: Feb 2, 2017

JethroMcB posted:

This is the part I can't get over. They didn't buy you, idiot, they bought assets. You have over three decades of lived experience on me, Tom, but somehow you still don't understand how capital operates or how its momentum can not be impeded.

The next dozen-plus comic should be a searing rebuttal:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=35DSdw7dHjs

But, as you and others have guessed, the very wealthy man will be reduced to a fool, somehow, and the old man will make the default drat Dan Davis smugface in response.

I wish that it was as easy as the plucky Boomer meeting the CEO face to face, giving him a piece of his mind and everyone living happily ever after. But this isn't Hollywood. It's the reality of late-stage capitalism that you're just a cog in a machine that doesn't give two shits about you, your job, or whatever you did at this hometown paper.

# ? Oct 7, 2021 17:18

Green Intern: Dec 29, 2008; Loon, Crazy and Laughable

JethroMcB posted:

This is the part I can't get over. They didn't buy you, idiot, they bought assets. You have over three decades of lived experience on me, Tom, but somehow you still don't understand how capital operates or how its momentum can not be impeded.

The next dozen-plus comic should be a searing rebuttal:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=35DSdw7dHjs

But, as you and others have guessed, the very wealthy man will be reduced to a fool, somehow, and the old man will make the default drat Dan Davis smugface in response.

"By god, you're right! I'm renaming the paper to Lisa's Loudspeaker immediately, and you will only cover the most worthy of stories. The manpain of Les Moore."

# ? Oct 7, 2021 17:26

Shugojin: Sep 6, 2007; THE TAIL THAT BURNS TWICE AS BRIGHT...

F_Shit_Fitzgerald posted:

I wish that it was as easy as the plucky Boomer meeting the CEO face to face, giving him a piece of his mind and everyone living happily ever after. But this isn't Hollywood. It's the reality of late-stage capitalism that you're just a cog in a machine that doesn't give two shits about you, your job, or whatever you did at this hometown paper.

The reality is this guy would never have made it past the doors because he doesn't have the right kind of badge

# ? Oct 7, 2021 17:34

Green Intern: Dec 29, 2008; Loon, Crazy and Laughable

We can't see the trail of security staff bleeding out in the hallway leading up to the office.

# ? Oct 7, 2021 17:46

Darthemed: Oct 28, 2007; "A data unit?
For me?"; College Slice

Docks

Retail

Popcom

# ? Oct 7, 2021 17:50

Green Intern: Dec 29, 2008; Loon, Crazy and Laughable

Darthemed posted:

Popcom

"OW OW!" is so hilariously understated for having your legs shot out by a machine gun.

# ? Oct 7, 2021 18:08

Murdstone: Jun 14, 2005; I'm feeling Jimmy

F Minus

Mark Trail

Mary Worth

"Of course, you mean which chew toys dogs prefer."
"No."

The Phantom

It's all clearly laid out in this chart!

Pooch Cafe

Rex Morgan MD

Andertoons

Apartment 3-G

# ? Oct 7, 2021 18:41

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

Pastry of the Year posted:

Arlo and Janis Classic (January 8, 2000)

Arlo has correct Christmas light opinions.

2018 Spiderman

1979 comics

Locher Tracy

Origins of the Small Text

Pretty much any Origins with a bunch of text in it has at least one Gocomics comment complaining that they can't read it, and I guess the person curating these noticed(but can't get Gocomics to just host a larger image).

Footrot Flats

The Lockhorns

Mandrake

Johnny Hazard

90s Overboard

# ? Oct 7, 2021 19:00

Doomykins: Jun 28, 2008; Didn't you mean to ask about flowers?

Friend memories!

Murdstone posted:

Rex Morgan MD

"We should respect his wishes and let him move on with his life."

That was close, something almost happened.

# ? Oct 7, 2021 19:01

duz: Jul 11, 2005; Come on Ilhan, lets go bag us a shitpost

Murdstone posted:

The Phantom

It's all clearly laid out in this chart!

Even The Phantom has had enough of Mozz' ramblings.

# ? Oct 7, 2021 19:46

Everett False: Sep 28, 2006; Mopsy, I'm starting to question your medical credentials.

Murdstone posted:

Mary Worth

Look at those dogs not even caring about Wilbur. I hope he makes it clear that he shouldn't be trusted with an animal and she just keeps them both.

# ? Oct 7, 2021 20:27

Professor Wayne: Aug 27, 2008; So, Harvey, what became of the giant penny?

They actually let him keep it.

The Far Side

Pickles

Zits

# ? Oct 7, 2021 21:48

Presto: Nov 22, 2002; Keep calm and Harry on.

Green Intern posted:

"By god, you're right! I'm renaming the paper to Lisa's Loudspeaker immediately, and you will only cover the most worthy of stories. The manpain of Les Moore."

The Daily Tumor

# ? Oct 7, 2021 21:49

Kennel: May 1, 2008; BAWWW-UNH!

Surgeon's Tales

Nancy

Dustin

Mandrake

# ? Oct 7, 2021 22:21

Giant Ethicist: Jun 9, 2013; Looks like she got on a loaf of bread instead of a bus again...

Uramachi Sakaba

Chako

# ? Oct 7, 2021 22:52

Poil: Mar 17, 2007

Kennel posted:

Dustin

Since when is she a cheerleader?
How is her waist the same thickness as the fridge door?

# ? Oct 7, 2021 23:26

Vox Valentine: May 31, 2013; Solving all of life's problems through enhanced casting of Occam's Razor. Reward yourself with an imaginary chalice.

A Cold And Unmistakable Realization At The Heart Of The Ego, The Grim Realization That We Are All Insignificant In The Terrible Span Of Epochs And Aeons That Pass In The Blink of An Eye For The Funny Online Animals

# ? Oct 7, 2021 23:43

BigglesSWE: Dec 2, 2014; How 'bout them hawks news huh!

Presto posted:

The Daily Tumor

For realsies though, the �woe is me, war veteran and sole fighter for the righteous journalism of our time� is just so utterly awful. Crankshaft I usually find to be mundane but at least passable as far as �old jerks being old and jerky� goes, far more than Funky is at least. But sometimes he stumbles into a real woozy of a storyline.

Btw we are about a year since the spectacularly awful �Muslim girl gets kidnapped by ICE and is saved by deus ex Clinton� storyline in the Funkyverse. Reading those weeks of Funky Winkerbean with y�all was really a good time, for all the wrong reasons.

# ? Oct 8, 2021 00:33

ThatGirlAtThatShow: Nov 4, 2013

Medenmath posted:

Vintage Valiant (Aug. 17, 1947)

Is Foster keeping Aleta's bump somewhat hidden for reasons of 'Surprise, it's time for BABY!' drama, or was it a thing in the papers of the time to not show a pregnant woman, like on TV in the 50s when there was a lot of hiding behind potted plants and the like?

And thank you so much, Medenmath, for posting vintage Valiant! I would never have seen these otherwise!

# ? Oct 8, 2021 00:51

EBB: Feb 15, 2005

Giant Ethicist posted:

Chako

The birds flying off his head are a great touch

# ? Oct 8, 2021 01:00

Ghostlight: Sep 25, 2009; maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me

Bogor

Classic Cat

# ? Oct 8, 2021 01:06

Slammy: Mar 30, 2011; Great speech.
PPHPFT!!

And He Did! October 10, 1918

Outbursts of Everett True November 19, 1918

Gay and Her Gang November 20, 1929

Oaky Doaks April 22, 1936

Mopsy June 29, 1937

Up Front August 4, 1944

Dark Laughter January 29, 1949

Those Were the Days August 9, 1956

Wee Pals January 12, 1966

Dogbert June 23, 1966

# ? Oct 8, 2021 02:42

Crab Dad: Dec 28, 2002; behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB

Slammy posted:

Those Were the Days August 9, 1956

I�m feeling this one!

# ? Oct 8, 2021 02:49

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 29, 2024 18:22

EasyEW: Mar 8, 2006; I've got my father's great big six-shooter with me 'n' if anybody in this woods wants to start somethin' just let 'em--but they DASSN'T.

Sally Forth

Pearls Before Swine

Skippy (February 8, 1934)

Peanuts (October 10, 1974)

Funky Winkerbean

Crankshaft

"Yep, your word against mine. And the full confession of my crime that's part of the editorial Ed Crankshaft is reading out of your newspaper as a framing device."

Mutt and Jeff

Rip Haywire

Out Our Way (July 12-14, 1937)

Toonerville Folks (February 28-March 2, 1918; double spoiler for the usual reasons)

Dok's "Honkbal Hoofdklasse (On My Radio Tonight)" Duck (October 24, 1913)

Little Lefty (June 20-21, 1935)

And yet again...

Blondie (From Zero) (March 12-14, 1931)

EasyEW fucked around with this message at 04:24 on Oct 8, 2021

# ? Oct 8, 2021 04:15

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > BSS: Bisexual Super Son > Comic Strips 2021: like Mary Worth pressing her butt cheeks on the window.

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