- El Generico
- Feb 3, 2009
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Birds revere you and consider you one of their own.
You are welcome in their holy places.
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quote:Things Miro cares about :
1) The TNT championship
2) His hot, flexible wife
3) His vengeful God
4) Forgiving people
5) Redeeming people
6) Coming home from the dead
7) Science
(8) Bad guys dying
8a) His family
8b) The President of the United States
9) Aliens
10) He probably shouldn't trust any people
11) His mind
12) Big tanks
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Oct 18, 2021 13:17
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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Jun 2, 2024 19:48
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- reignofevil
- Nov 7, 2008
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Oct 18, 2021 13:54
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- Armitage
- Aug 16, 2005
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"Mathman's not here." "Oh? Where is he?" "He's in the Mathroom."
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quote:
The WWE continues to try many different methods they can think of to get attention back on the product. The list of everything the WWE has tried so far, without success, is below:
1) The draft
2) Turning most matches into a best out of three falls affair
3) NXT 2.0
4) Turning the WWE into a Double-Dare style game show
5) Spring Break Episode
6) Roman Reigns jumping a shark
7) Falls count anywhere in space and time matches
8) Roman Reigns' new catchphrase: "All Elite Wrestling? More like All Elite Waste of Time!"
9) Roman Reigns getting new tattoos
10) Roman Reigns becoming a trainer for the new 205 Live
11) Roman Reigns joining Vince McMahon in the Billion Dollar Man Movie
12) Roman Reigns holding a press conference
13) Roman Reigns moving to SmackDown Live
14) Roman Reigns moving to RAW
15) Roman Reigns getting married
16) Roman Reigns breaking his silence
17) Roman Reigns turning heel
18) Roman Reigns joining his cousin Nia Jax
19) Roman Reigns holding a press conference
20) Roman Reigns becoming president of the United States
21) Roman Reigns having a stand-up comedy special
22) Roman Reigns winning the Royal Rumble
23) Roman Reigns winning the Universal Championship at WrestleMania 35
24) Roman Reigns joining his cousin Kurt Angle in the next big movie
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Oct 19, 2021 00:10
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- reignofevil
- Nov 7, 2008
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quote:A young Bryan Alvarez is being accosted by bees that live inside his frozen firewood. "This does sound like a familiar bit of whining" says his co-host, Big Vinny V, decades later. It gets worse: Mr Alvarez is also being attacked by cockroaches and a fly, all of which are taking place inside a freezer that seems not to have been cleaned in centuries.
"For those of you too young to remember, this is not the first time that the FBC has covered the topic of a food vendor not following proper safety procedures," Alvarez's co-host assures his loyal fans.
Alvarez's father – now dead – used to sell deep-fried Oreos at West Edmonton Mall in Alberta, Canada. He also served as a judge in a competition for deep-fryers.
"We can hardly imagine how he must have felt as he watched his son struggle with the wild animals that lurked inside his home freezer," V goes on.
We can imagine very well, as we can see how Alvarez looks to his co-host with the same half-amused, half-reassuring look that he would give to his dad while he’s trying to remove the "Big Gulp" from a cake he bought for his son's wedding and has been baking in his kitchen every day for the past three weeks.
The most recent YouTube video has gotten more than 500,000 views so far. It shows Alvarez at his office, watching a program on a television with a frozen block of butter as a puppet, followed by an alarm bell and a long bellowing with electronic voice effects, "Alvarez!… Alvarez!… Alvarez!… Alvarez!"
"How is it even possible that a man who has built his career based on being the host of the least offensive morning show on television can be reduced to this!" a female fan says in the comments.
Just another frozen slice of emotional honesty from Alberta.
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Oct 22, 2021 15:24
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- reignofevil
- Nov 7, 2008
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quote:Cody Rhodes had defeated Malakai Black and become easily twice as powerful has he had ever been before. Jungle Boy got beaten up by the Young Bucks. MJF did some stuff. The guy who dresses up as the Clown Prince of Crime stopped at a gas station and said his mom was feeling a lot better and he wasn’t in jail. Taya Kyle had two beers at Jack Daniels’s after signing autographs at a show in Bluefield, West Virginia. Kevin Steen spent a lot of time trying to eat food from a box before running into the ring and beating his old boyhood friend ACH up. Pentagon Dark rescued him and spent time hugging each other before they fought each other in a grudge match. While this sort of stuff happened a lot more regularly at HOOKnSHOOT, it’s not often you can say there was a HOOKnSHOOT PPV as cool as No Surrender. There was real tension and quality storytelling in a Fatal Four Way main event
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Oct 24, 2021 17:19
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- reignofevil
- Nov 7, 2008
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quote:Charlotte Flair had burned her bridges in the back and it was time for her to establish herself as her own woman. With a little luck and a little reinvention, soon Charlotte was going to be unrecognizable, or at least that's what she told herself as she sped down that wet highway in a cherry red convertible toward AEW tours. That is what she told herself. It was the truth. She was destined for a glorious future. Or at least that was the story she was telling herself as the neon lights flashed above her head and around her whole body. And she needed someone to live it with. Then she remembered the hottest guy in all of Central Florida. Charming, flirty and attentive to his starlet's every need, Neville, she'd had a huge crush on Neville for years. So he could dance, that was for sure. "So, if you're really coming with me, shouldn't you at least offer me a ride?" She smiled at him.
"Not so fast," he told her. "Let's go to your house."
Neville had gotten out of a two year relationship with a man who had held a job with the United States Postal Service. His daddy said he was a fool and that he needed to focus on his studies. Neville believed him. His father had bought a $200,000 car and said that he had to hold up to his responsibility by getting a job and using the vehicle only for travel purposes. Neville knew better. While the car looked slick and new, it was probably actually an old clunker. He had purchased it to attract a pretty girl like Charlotte. And he had done that. And at least for now, it had worked.
"Why not just stay the night and let me take you to where I'm staying?" Charlotte asked him.
"You really want to do this?" Neville questioned.
"I know it's way out of your way, but you're driving and I'm too tired to bother driving, and we're both kind of in the same boat here. You want to drive and I really want to sleep." She pulled out a bottle of brandy. Neville smiled
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Oct 25, 2021 16:14
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- Armitage
- Aug 16, 2005
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"Mathman's not here." "Oh? Where is he?" "He's in the Mathroom."
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I have a soft spot for the Nia Jax and her leg lock post but I can't quite get it to show up again. This'll do.
quote:
It was time for WWE Crown Jewel, the controversial event from Saudi Arabia. Tonight, Nia Jax will be in action against Nikki A.S.H. and she has vowed to use the devastating leg lock in front of this international crowd. However, Paige has recently announced she is no longer performing with the company and the four-time women's champion shared her frustration on social media.
WWE News: Nia Jax reveals 'dumb' WWE plan REVEALED before Crown Jewel
WWE Crown Jewel: Nia Jax vowed to 'gloss up' during her match against Nikki A.S.H
WWE Crown Jewel: Nia Jax will take on Nikki A.S.H.
WWE Crown Jewel has been bad.
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Oct 26, 2021 03:12
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- reignofevil
- Nov 7, 2008
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The following is presented without endorsement, a story in three parts
quote:The WWE Hall of Fame was actually a secret ritual designed to send wrestlers directly to Satan in exchange for prolonging Vince's life. Every year though it demanded more and more souls and Vince had finally been forced to start putting in pro wrestlers and even his own vice something or other Triple H into the "hall of fame". He had tried to delay this moment by having the biggest roster in pro wrestling history but the hall only wanted experienced wrestlers who were aged like a fine wine. Vince had no choice but to put in more and more wrestlers to try and delay his inevitable death at the hands of the devil.The WWE Hall of Fame ceremonies always ended with Vince tearing open a bag full of fresh baby's breath and spitting it onto his coffin like some white trash version of Santa Clause. He then rolled his casket around the ring and Satan sucked in deeply at the aroma of the fresh baby's breath.When Vince finally pushed his casket away, the lights flickered and went out. Fans still hoping for an appearance from the devil quickly dispersed from the arena. Backstage, Vince realized he couldn't pull another all night stunt. He couldn't go through this same routine every year and leave us thinking that maybe this year he'll actually get sent to hell. He had to get some fresh devil's breath to tempt the devil.Backstage it turned out, devil's breath doesn't taste very good. Who knew? So he had to stick a baby's in his mouth instead. Good luck trying to get the devil to bring you anything if you're stuck sucking on a baby's poo poo. How would any of this end for Vince?
Back in 1993, Vince McMahon, owner of the WWF, was locked in a contract with his agent, Herb Bernstein, that gave him 100% control over the WWF. This contract was strictly business and gave McMahon the authority to run his company without the interference of his lawyers, any shareholders and most importantly, without the involvement of the WWF TV audience. Vince had finally found a way to run his empire the way he wanted to. It was a decision that he knew would bring him millions of dollars, a higher profile and a slew of new fans. In order to ensure he never had to worry about getting stonewalled by his lawyers or losing control of the company again, McMahon had the contract with Bernstein "written out of existence". This meant that Vince was now free to run the WWF however he saw fit without any of the legal constraints that had prevented him from doing so in the past. Bernstein wasn't the only one that got screwed out of a cut in profits. McMahon had his long time friend, Gene Simmons, locked into a similar contract that also provided 100% control of the "Rock & Roll" company. This effectively doubled the profits for both McMahon and Simmons.
quote:Vince McMahon, an expert at breaking deals after screwing his lawyer Herb Bernstein and Gene Simmons, tried to screw the devil after sacrificing almost his entire roster in a dark magic ritual known as "The WWE Hall of Fame" induction ceremony. Satan hadn't been tempted by Vince's Devil's Breath tactic and so Vince had started eating baby poop. Vince then flew to a place known as "The Bottom of the Canvas," which is a rumored underground location that was inspired by a James Bond movie, where a mysterious figure emerged. It was Satan, and Vince offered him a spot on the roster. The deal was Satan's rear end was on the line. After Satan realized Vince had surrendered his butt to him, the demon turned to his henchman.
"If he's telling the truth about him eating poo, he should prove it," Satan said. "If Vince is no longer a bad egg, I'll put him on my show."
"Butt-mutilation?" Vince said.
"Nope," Satan replied. "Vince's new job is to entertain me. I'll use him for my own evil purposes. You have one job. Keep him safe."
Vince refused to believe that there was such a thing as the devil, even though there were little blue demons scuttling around in his locker room, while men got bumped by spears in the ring, or handcuffed in the middle of the ring, and the women's divisions were not televised. The only aspect of the devil Vince believed in was the naughty-in-a-nice-way and rather than viewing him as a sort of companion or rival, Vince saw him as a full-on foe and was not afraid to seek out personal retribution for the apparent transgressions of his ring crew and the angelic groupies who swarmed around the show and offered him world titles.
What could possibly go wrong?
"No one ever thought of a match where all the wrestlers are dressed up like geishas and end up in a karaoke bar. All the wrestlers get really drunk and start singing karaoke and being really good singers. And the whole show ends up being that the evil wrestler ends up cheating on his girlfriend," Vince said.
"I'm in."
Vince was the baddest of them all, having been defeated only twice in his 17 years as the WWE champ. His new assignment was to be a dangerous guy who could walk out on the stage in Japan and disembowel all the wrestlers with his own lariat.
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Oct 26, 2021 17:10
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- Armitage
- Aug 16, 2005
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"Mathman's not here." "Oh? Where is he?" "He's in the Mathroom."
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This went off the rails!
quote:
It's been a year since the most unlikely election result of all time. Roman Reigns, the former WWE champion that had no idea that he was running, defeated incumbent Joe Biden and challenger Donald Trump to become the 46th President of the United States. In the year since, the economy improved, lifting millions out of poverty and providing working class and middle class Americans more bang for their buck. Still, while things were going very well domestically, Reigns had international challenges. Chinese President Xi Jinping and Russian leader Vladimir Putin have been sabre ratting, hoping to force the political newcomer into a mistake that would considerably damage America.
Reigns had enough. Reigns had an idea. He summoned Nia Jax to a secret underground bunker and went over the plan. Nia Jax had her leg lock, a move that no one had ever escaped from, and he wanted her to use it on these threats to America. Jax agreed, and with a stiff salute, she was off to serve her country. Reigns let out a heavy sigh, hoping he did not make a mistake.
Two weeks later, Nia Jax laid in wait for the Chinese President Xi Jinping, who was touring a factory. With all the stealth she could muster, she was able to slip past security and was ready to strike. Jax quietly approached the Chinese president, putting a target on his leg as it was time to lock in the leg lock. Still, to the surprise of everyone on the battlefield, Xi Jinping was able to escape. Yikes, someone has better pull a Megatron than The American Alpha did.
The leg lock was used for the next time she had the chance, this time for good. President Vladimir Putin was also in for a surprise, and the prospect of being kept in a leg lock did not sit well with him. His first reaction, though, was to seek out the ninja skill of a master. So, the Russian president called in the Dark Avengers for some assistance. Just as he did in the first battle, Captain America and his sidekick, Bucky Barnes (who is half Russian) served to help Russia overcome the Dark Avengers.
Vladimir Putin shows his strength in leg lock submission | Credit: Donald Miralle/Getty Images North America
While Putin has not had to endure the suffering of Reigns yet, there have been setbacks. Another of the President's highlights, Congressman John Lewis, became injured while fighting against the Dark Avengers. With such losses, the White House started to show cracks. Mike Pence, the Vice President, also clashed with Lewis over the racial injustices in the nation, this time to the point that the President himself stepped in to settle the dispute.
While both nations have not lost a friend or ally, their leg lock defenses are still strong. They have a little over a year before the Super Bowl, where the two nations will face each other again. Surely, one of these leg lock holds will be used, and this time, it will pay off for the winning team.
Triple H has seen plenty of this before. The former WWE champion was trained in the fighting style of Germany's MMA pioneer and founder, Helio Gracie. In 2006, he defended his world heavyweight championship in a grudge match against Yashir Makovko, of Russia, during which he used some arm bars. Like Reigns, Makovko was also able to tap out to Triple H's chokehold.
While Makovko tapped to Triple H's submission, Reigns tapped out to both China's Xi Jinping and Russia's Vladimir Putin. Still, both nations, despite their losses, have a leg-lock trained class in their country. Luckily, Reigns and his countrymen have not only a legal defense against the leg-lock defense that both President Xi Jinping and President Vladimir Putin put up, but they have a month to train to avoid it in February.
However, WWE has seen even bigger plays. Mankind had to tap to the leg lock of Killer Khan, which he almost fought for a world championship title, in 1995. Two months earlier, Paul London and Perry Saturn (former WWE tag team champions) were defeated by New Japan representatives Jushin Thunder Liger and Tiger Mask. Liger and Tiger Mask had both tapped out to the uranage at Hell in a Cell.
Like Reigns and Putin, John Cena had the leg-lock defense of Team Elite collapse. In 2009, Cena teamed up with Sting, Ryback and Hulk Hogan (who is half Russian) in a Six Man Tag Team Gauntlet match for one last chance to win the World Heavyweight Championship from The Miz. Like Reigns and Putin, Team Elite lost the match, and Cena was unable to retrieve the belt. In fact, none of Team Elite showed up at WWE's Survivor Series pay-per-view to fight for the World Heavyweight Championship. Instead, it was The League of Nations against The Shield. Again, at the end of the night, WWE was left with no one in the ring. Only WWE did not have a lapse of luck. Unlike Putin and Reigns, Cena, Sting and Team Elite all failed their leg-locks.
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Oct 26, 2021 22:08
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- Jerusalem
- May 20, 2004
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Would you be my new best friends?
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Moscow, 1975. Young KGB Agent Vladimir Putin gulped nervously as the giant in front of him turned an imperious gaze on him. "Comrade Hoganski," Putin managed,"The time has come for you to infiltrate America. Your name will be Hulk Hogan."
"That's right, brother!" declared Hulk Hogan, already in character,"I'm gonna run wild in America and become their greatest pop-culture icon! Then I'll get weirdly sexual about my daughter, blame a kid for my son making him a vegetable, get filmed by a guy having sex with his wife, and say a bunch of racial comments! All to undermine America, jack!"
Hulk Hogan paused dramatically, "Then I'll be killed by some weirdo from the FBI. Then they'll try to kill me, and I'll resurrect, as a zombie, to rise against them! Then I'll take over the White House, and stuff all the Jews and Mexicans in secret government-built bunkers. Then, when the Soviets won the Cold War, I'll become dictator of America! Then I'll turn on all the women, erase the gay rights movement, and impose state censorship on everything I dislike!"
"Alright, comrade!" Putin said, relieved. "You've got to give me a chance to prepare."
"It's too late for that, brother!" said Hulk Hogan. "The East German secret service found me by accident and sent me back to America to exploit your gullible race!"
"What an incredible plan!" Putin exclaimed. "To use my zombification to rule my own people, and to unleash the zombie army of gerbil men to attack the Soviet forces!"
"No one escapes the White House," said Hulk Hogan. "What will be your reaction?"
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Oct 26, 2021 22:39
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- sticklefifer
- Nov 11, 2003
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by VideoGames
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quote:Good luck trying to get the devil to bring you anything if you're stuck sucking on a baby's poo poo.
There's no way this is anything but a line from the voiceover narration in a gritty noir thriller.
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Oct 26, 2021 23:14
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- reignofevil
- Nov 7, 2008
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quote:Bold new storylines for Doudrop.
1) She gets her rear end kicked over a doll
2) She gets her rear end kicked over getting her rear end kicked
3) She can fight but she can't win a match
4) She had better love that her name is Doudrop god drat it
5) Her height, weight, length, and sense of smell are only measured by a fellow bitch and her narcissistic feelings of inadequacy
6) My mind is going 90 miles per hour trying to think up two new nicknames
7) She helps a small village rebuild after a fire
8) She rescues a loved one's bitch rear end dog
9) She runs into ghosts from the past (The Badass Ghost of Doudrop)
10) She has a secret plot to destroy all humans
11) She wants to find her dad so she can ask his advice about how to use her new awesome powers
12) Her boyfriend is a badass monster
13) Her mom is an awesome slag
14) She works at a martial arts school
15) She was just crushing on that guy from Charlie's Angels
16) All the ninjas make out when she isn't looking
17) She thinks her mother is one of the coolest ladies on earth and she's way cooler than her mom
18) It's kind of nice having a daughter who is also a badass
19) She rides a motorcycle
20) She eats sushi and chips
21) Her love of tattoos is well known
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Oct 31, 2021 20:41
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- kalensc
- Sep 10, 2003
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Only Trust Your Respirator, kupo!
Art/Quote by: Rubby
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Introducing Booker Bot:
quote:
Jim Ross is commentating for the big wrestling championship match.
"Business is about to pick up here, it's gonna be a slobber knocker!"
Triple H smashes Mankind into the stairs, drawing blood from Mick's forehead.
"Good God, almighty, look at the carnage! He's not just trying to hurt the man - he's out to end his career!"
Triple H throws Mankind off of the steel cage. Mick falls 24 feet before crashing through a table.
"AS GOD AS MY WITNESS, HE IS BROKEN IN HALF!"
Just then, in a shocking twist, emerging from backstage was Chyna! This woman with a gorgeous body, blonde hair and matching blonde pornstar eyes runs up to Triple H, grabs him by the balls and rips them off. Her powerful thighs bend his legs into a pretzel.
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Oct 31, 2021 22:41
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- kalensc
- Sep 10, 2003
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Only Trust Your Respirator, kupo!
Art/Quote by: Rubby
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There is also Promo Bot
quote:
Backstage at a professional wrestling event, Scott Steiner offers his analysis on his upcoming championship match.
"You know they say all men are created equal, but you look at me and you look at Samoa Joe and you can see that statement is NOT TRUE!
See, normally if you go one-on-one with another wrestler you got a fifty/fifty chance of winning. But I'm a genetic freak, and I'm not normal! So you got a 25 percent at best at beat me! And then you add Kurt Angle to the mix? You-the chances of winning drastically go down. See, the 3-Way at Sacrifice, you got a 33 and a third chance of winning.
But I! I got a 66 and two thirds chance of winning, cuz Kurt Angle KNOOOWS he can't beat me, and he's not even gonna try. So, Samoa Joe, you take your thirty three and a third chance minus my twenty five percent chance (if we was to go one on one) and you got an eight and a third chance of winning at Sacrifice.
But then you take my 75 perchance-chance of winnin' (if we was to go one on one), and then add 66 and two thirds…percents, I got a 141 2/3 chance of winning at Sacrifice! Señor Joe? The numbers don't lie, and they spell disaster for you at Sacrifice!"
Scott Steiner continues:
"Wanna know how I feel? I FEEL LIKE I'M RAISIN HELL WITH A SQUARE BRAIN! I mean, imagine this: I'm a 100 foot tall, 3,000 pound, 400-year-old Bigfoot who has a hive in my thorax, a home in Australia, a suction cup on my rear end, has been pregnant for 12 straight years, has cystic fibrosis, and is named after a fat, lazy, coked-up skunk!
But like some woman says: I'm Mr. America, Bitch!
And I'm about to prove it at Sacrifice! I'm going to beat Kurt Angle, then I'm going to beat Samoa Joe, and I'm going to take that U.S. Title from that son-of-a-bitch Kurt Angle and turn it into the 'Monster' belt!
And I'll feel just like I do right now-as a lazy, obese skunk that's up to some STUPID poo poo! Look at me and tell me, how can a fat lazy skunk like me, beat a 7 foot tall 300 pound Bigfoot?"
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Oct 31, 2021 23:16
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- reignofevil
- Nov 7, 2008
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quote:Cody Rhodes new gimmick was dangling himself over the ring suspended from hooks while he cried and told the audience how he'd never change and he'd always love them. The audience was wondering whether or not this man was in any condition to go home and be a father to his wife and child. But there was no doubt about it, it was a great in-ring promo from Cody. It also explains his current feud with the Young Bucks. They are using their ring gear but he is forcing them to be heels and lose the match. His old gimmick was based on Vince McMahon using Bret Hart to make himself look like a babyface against Hulk Hogan. To finally be free of his past and the agony of not changing, he is letting the people know that he's still the same. The maniacal mannerisms are there and fans can sympathize with how he feels, but this new angle on Cody has not only reinvigorated him, but the "American Nightmare" will now never change.
1 / 10 NEXT
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Allison Beck
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Nov 1, 2021 16:15
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- reignofevil
- Nov 7, 2008
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Transformer and I wrote a song.
quote:Poor Elias couldn't make the show
Vince McMahon don't wanna see him no mo'
Told him he'd heard his rhyme and heard his jest
Told him he was ugly, just a stupid cowboy pest
Poor Elias couldn't wrestle even if he'd like
Poor Elias couldn't wrestle got told he should take a hike!
Ain't bout to fix my larynx it's way out the door!
Poor Elias is too bummed out
He ain't about to get his head squeezed in Vince's cheese
I ain't never heard an athlete complain before
Poor Elias just say to himself:
My larynx better straighten out or it's on the way to my belly
I ain't never heard an athlete be so sad before
Poor Elias fell off in mid-match
He said his luck ain't much better when he steps in the ring
Poor Elias couldn't pay attention, so he couldn't take a block
Poor Elias had no protection from each match
He got hit with everyone's favorite maneuver
All his larynx got is a concussion
Poor Elias is hurt bad, but he still ain't down
Ain't bout to fix my larynx it's way out the door!
drat, that hit hurt bad
Now I ain't bout to see this one, either
Poor Elias and he ain't bout to get sick
With his neck all mangled up like that
I ain't never heard an athlete say that before
Poor Elias couldn't think about what he couldn't do
Now he won't ever get to be Vince's partner
Poor Elias, his mouth is gapped wide open
He can't even get mad about that
He's more mad than Vince's boss
Poor Elias can't move his neck a bit
His ribs is just a pain in his side
Poor Elias got nobody but himself to blame
He's at home doing the best he can
But all he wants to do is shut up and go to bed
The way the stings hurt
As he does get a look at the neck
Somebody please kill me, or at least stab me!
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Nov 1, 2021 21:48
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- reignofevil
- Nov 7, 2008
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quote:
John Morrison infiltrated a Halloween party dressed up as Dave Meltzer. Nobody knew who he was except for Dave Meltzer who was not at the party. Here is what Dave Meltzer heard in an exhaustive review of the party based on a thorough investigation of the facts-
1) There was a Halloween party for the 125 pound wrestlers. Myself, Scott Steiner and Christian Cage were all in costume.
2) John Morrison (Ricky Fazzolari) walked up to me wearing a fedora, and a Dave Meltzer (Meltzer Beach) t-shirt. Morrison handed me a ticket and said, "I'm John Morrison." I said, "What the f*** is that? I'm Dave Meltzer." Morrison held up a credential and said, "Yes, I am Dave Meltzer." As I went to call the cops, Morrison got in his limo and left.
3) I reported this to WWE security and an investigation was initiated. Morrison was found. I was told that he was banned. The WWE has yet to contact me to discuss the matter further. As you may know, the RNC's RNC45 has a picture of Morrison. (pictured below).
The sources of this event are clear. John Morrison is Dave Meltzer. This is a matter of fact. According to sources who claim to be close to the situation I discussed it with them. I showed them a picture of Morrison dressed up as Meltzer, and it was unanimously agreed upon as fact.
This is the best proof I have found of the need for immediate action to protect the integrity of Dave Meltzer's reputation. I'm going to send this along to the "investigation" at WWE and let them make up their minds. If there's no action, I am going to start a petition, to call upon Congress to investigate this matter. We must stop this.
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Nov 2, 2021 19:18
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- reignofevil
- Nov 7, 2008
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quote:Vince looked at Tony Khan like a new sort of enemy he'd never faced before. Vince couldn't predict him. Couldn't out-think him. Couldn't invite him over to get really shitfaced then spike his poo poo with the rotten stuff then get him to say all kindsa crazy stuff on tape and then use it to blackmail his wife.... him.
"I want my dad to hear this tape first," Tony said, and then he cued it up and recorded the whole thing on his phone.
As Tony listened, the sweat began to form at his hairline and at his temples, his eyes went wide and the sweat began to stick to his skin. He looked like he was straining against a very uncomfortable leash that was pulling him backward across the desert. When he finished the video, he said, "I love that tape."
He let Vince listen to the whole thing.
The two of them stood alone in Tony's house. They laughed, and then Vince talked about some things he'd been up to since he got released from jail. He told Tony about some of the dumbass things he'd done that he'd never told anyone else about. He played some of his bullshit music for Tony. Tony looked at him and listened for a bit and then said, "It sounds like you're talking about me. And it sounds like I'm the bad guy."
And Vince looked at him. He didn't look away.
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Nov 3, 2021 20:37
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- reignofevil
- Nov 7, 2008
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I might have a new favorite transformer ever.
quote:Every single person who worked with WWE had been fired over the weekend. Vince, crazily enough, still demanded the show air at 8 PM eastern as usual. "You'll get me some new cameramen in here or I'll have your rear end!" he said to nobody in his dark empty office. Except for himself of course, and that room. Vince put on his black suit and black sunglasses and escorted his daughter and son into the backyard for their announcement. They were going to be running the company. Just like that. They were told that they had been chosen, along with executives, all the way down to their slaves, who they never even knew. After a long and dark walk through the garden, Vince and Stephanie took seats next to an empty throne made of garbage and machinery and tapped away on computers that had yet to be installed.
"It's finally happening! The evil empire has been turned into the shining empire of faith! Our success with this company will change the world!" Steph said to the crowd. Vince said "we are revolutionizing entertainment and all that is evil will be driven into the dust!" Stephanie continued, "for those who can read, we are placing in the broadcast movie of your favorite Christian teachings!" This was not a lie. Vince and Steph used WWE on Demand to bring fans an extremely outdated Christian story about Jesus leading a band of cattle into the temple and smashing it to the ground. "There will be retribution," Steph said. The mood in the crowd, before the tree had even fallen, was apocalyptic.
"We're not gonna back down to Scientology and Jehovah's Witnesses and Roman Catholics!" Vince thundered. "We're gonna kick your asses! For our side, by our side, wrestling is their X-men!"
Before the next match, Vince made a dramatic entry on to the ring. He said "Our fighters may be the superstars that you all know from cable! Some of them are stars in movies and some of them even sell milk by the carton. Now, they may be the best in their field, but at the end of the day, they are only that! They are in our team, and we are in theirs. Now, we fight for the blue brand and it's time to fight for a legend that is ready to come back and show you all the evil that he once did!"
Vince walked down the ramp and stood in the center of the ring, where he used to make the famous count out announcements before promos. The crowd cheered. Vince walked to his balcony, which was filled with pizza boxes and empty beer bottles, and looked out over the crowd, which was watching on television. Vince ordered the rest of the crew to get out of his house, slammed the door, and turned on the television. The show was about to start.
"I have a new idea for a title!" Vince yelled. "I think that we should make a new belt!"
"Let's just call it the kingdom," his daughter said.
"I think we should make it green!" Vince said.
"And I think we should make it metallic!" Steph said.
"Yeah, definitely metallic."
"No, they said it would be the greatest of all time!" Vince said.
"How about this? We can't just have a belt." Stephanie said.
"Yeah, I agree," Vince said. "We gotta have a belt. And let's make it a big loving belt."
"And maybe we should get an intercontinental belt!" Steph said.
"And maybe we should make it completely useless!" Vince said.
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Nov 7, 2021 16:45
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- sticklefifer
- Nov 11, 2003
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by VideoGames
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I'm pretty sure Transformer actually discovered a real leaked conversation.
quote:A triumvirate of power in WWE now exists between Vince McMahon, Bruce Pritchard, and Nick Khan. The way they treat their roster of wrestling superstars can be gleaned from this leaked backstage conversation:
Vince: I agree that Roman Reigns should be the WWE champion forever.
Bruce: Yes, but what about Brock Lesnar?
Nick: He can be Universal champion forever. Really, they're the only two who matter anymore.
Vince: But if they're the only two who matter, how are they our world champions?
Bruce: Oh, yes. We'll just make it like the football championship. The champions will be chosen by voting. Vince, go out and talk to your fans about the best three guys to choose the new champion, then I'll let you decide.
Vince: Bruce, the fans would probably pick my son and son-in-law. Why don't we just let Roman Reigns keep the title until Brock comes back.
Bruce: Why don't we do something special, Vince? Have the fans vote on it, then when the next match is, if it's between Roman Reigns and Kevin Owens, I'll put the title on Roman Reigns. If it's Roman Reigns vs. Seth Rollins, I'll put the title on Seth Rollins.
Vince: Oh, you mean, "realistically." That sounds great, Bruce. But what if Roman Reigns wins instead?
Bruce: Is that a good thing, Vince? Why can't we just take the title and do something special with it?
Vince: There's no time for that, Bruce. The clock's running out. We're so close to WrestleMania. If we do something like that, we're gonna look like idiots, because we don't know how many superstars Brock Lesnar's going to lose to this year. If he loses a bunch of times, we're screwed. We'll have to have somebody else take his place. It's time for a new challenger. Roman Reigns is our champion.
[As the video runs, we see Paul Heyman backstage at Raw. He's working with Roman Reigns, and his theme song, the "Roman Sucks!" anthem plays.]
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Nov 8, 2021 02:57
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- Jerusalem
- May 20, 2004
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Would you be my new best friends?
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"Vince, Vince!" wailed Bruce Pritchard,"There's a computer that generates random gibberish storylines based on only the vaguest mostly disconnected ideas of how narrative works, and it's doing it with WWE Superstars!"
"Dammit, some robot is horning in on my racket," roared Vince McMahon, flipping a table and spilling steak wraps and ketchup everywhere,"Dusty Rhodes warned me this would happen!"
"Dusty, Dusty, what do you expect?" whined Vince, "The WWE is just some people throwing faces around a ring."
"And it's succeeding beyond your wildest dreams," said Bruce, "The WWE has outperformed even the most unrealistic expectations with the Sentient Machinery."
"Oh, don't act like that's all it is," growled Vince, "They're selling to all ages and all demographics! 'Macho Man' Randy Savage has released a song that will make you blush!"
"Actually that's Sweet Vicky," said Bruce, "Remember that?"
"Whatever. WWE Network's ratings are astronomical! Look how loving fast it grew once they put those cheesy characters with stupid names up on the screen!"
"What about the audio quality?"
"Oh, it sucks," said Bruce
------
Weird to get a random dig in on AEW at the end there, Transformer 
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Nov 8, 2021 06:09
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- reignofevil
- Nov 7, 2008
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quote:Vince McMahon had a new idea to turn Smackdown around and it mostly involved Charlotte Flair and the announce team saying "UH OHHHHHHH" really loudly in a really dumb voice over and over and over again. Uh oh.
Then they played a video of a man named Elias. It was apparently Elias, and that's pretty much all we know about him, except that the official WWE.com stream briefly mentioned he played drums. A lot. That's pretty much it.
It seemed really suspicious and so I did what any good citizen of the internet would do. I tweeted to Vince McMahon about it, right on the nose, like a hardcore podcaster.
Was this an April Fools joke? Was it actually Elias? Did I just accidentally give Vince McMahon more information about his brand and ruin some of his storylines? Maybe I can write an argument for cutting Smackdown. Maybe it was just a gag.
Tommaso Ciampa returned to NXT and attacked Johnny Gargano. It was so satisfying and made me wonder why my best friend had kept saying that Johnny Gargano was the better wrestler. If you're wondering, it's because he's got the camera work and has a more charismatic charisma than Johnny Gargano.
But then the crowd popped all over the place and it made me realize my friend has probably never seen a wrestling match. It made me wonder why I wasn't in the crowd. It's not that I don't want to see the matches, I just hate going to the shows.
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Nov 13, 2021 20:53
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- reignofevil
- Nov 7, 2008
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quote:As Roman was about to place Xavier Wood's crown upon his head suddenly the lights went out-
"Wrestling only has one royal family" said Cody Rhodes before he struck with an iron pipe.
The lights flashed a bright white, revealing Roman with one arm outstretched behind him in an inverted "V" position. A great hush fell over the crowd before Roman shouted back "I don't think so".
"I'm not sure who the hell Cody Rhodes thinks he is, but I'm not here to take his crown. I'm going to take the guy's head off. You watch, I'll knock him right off his bloody throne. I'll knock that pansy right off his loving throne."
"I believe that every great man has to decide when he's going to put on his crown and when he's going to take it off. I'm going to take it off."
As Roman was shouting he looked up at Cody, in a moment of astonishment, Cody decided to get a little playful with the former World Champion.
"But Roman, there's another kind of belt-"
"Yeah, yeah there is!" Roman roared back.
"There's only one king." Cody said as he set Roman down "And there's only one king in my house."
Roman threw a punch at the Rhodes's family crest as they scattered through the mist to flee the scene. The lights went out once more as the rest of the room erupted in boos.
The lights flickered on once more revealing Roman completely shrouded in darkness. "Yeah, I got it." Roman said as he pointed to a narrow door in the back of the locker room. "That's what you should've been saying from the start Roman. There's only one man that matters and he's going to hear you say it soon." The lights went out once more leaving Roman in darkness. "I wonder if that light switch works though."
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Nov 20, 2021 19:32
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- kalensc
- Sep 10, 2003
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Only Trust Your Respirator, kupo!
Art/Quote by: Rubby
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RingmasterSteve: "It's my birthday today, and I'm 57! That means only one thing ... BRING IT IN GUYS!!!"
Every wrestler from every WWF RAW, Smackdown, Royal Rumble, Summerslam, Survivor Series, and Wrestlemania event come in with everything for a HUGE battle royale.
Bobby Lashley attacks everyone at once with a hammer, Kane brings in every coffin he can get his hands on, and Lita appears dressed as a zombie! Lita is greeted by Rowdy Roddy Piper with the most terrifying salutation possible ... "Bring it in, bitch!"
Lita takes out the clowns, beats up the audience, and finally destroys both rings by crashing through them. All in under 3 minutes!
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Nov 21, 2021 21:53
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- reignofevil
- Nov 7, 2008
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quote:"Look at it. That's Cleopatra's stolen Egg" Vince McMahon said to Roman Reigns. "This is not a stage prop, this is the real thing. Look at the jewels on it."
"See how shiny and real it looks?" he asked. "Just a bloody egg. And for the rest of the night, you will be known as the eggface guy. First guy to look at you and call you eggface gets a $5,000 bounty, no headbutt, no kicks, no fist, no nothing."
He instructed Reigns to the lay on his back on the stage floor and then "float," and Reigns just laid there. After a few minutes, Goldberg and Brock Lesnar ran out to the ring to beat him up.
Backstage, Samoa Joe was partying with one of his record-breaking title belts.
Staying on the ring, Reigns climbed to the top rope and attempted to execute a spear. Goldberg came out of nowhere to boot him in the face and powerbomb him through the ringpost.
That was after he previously superplexed Reigns through the ring and through a table. Later, he powerbombed him through another table.
Later, Reigns and Lesnar took on each other, and Lesnar turned heel by attacking Reigns with his F5 finisher.
Follow Josh Feldman on Twitter: @feldmaniac
Have a tip we should know? tips@mediaite.com
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¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Strong Style Evolved
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Nov 22, 2021 03:28
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- reignofevil
- Nov 7, 2008
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quote:For the average detached wrestling fan there was almost nothing that could break through the crust and the cynicism of modern day professional wrestling meta-storytelling.
~Almost~ nothing, because there remained one final frontier in the imagination of every wrestling mark. The egg. Vince McMahon's golden egg worth one hundred million dollars and it had been stolen by some nefarious genius backstage at survivor series. Who had stolen the egg??? The fans were hooked on Egg.
And in the midst of their hungrily spinning minds Vince McMahon had been lovingly guarding the door that led to his bedchamber and his egg at the same time.
Because inside the egg was the only golden ticket in the locker room.
The next night they would find out who did the egg. One lucky wrestler would open the door and discover all the inside secrets of The nWo. The unlucky wrestler who opened the door would wake up on the driveway of some random fan's home right before dawn with his car immobilized in the road. The lucky door-opener would come home to a closed bedroom door and the crunch of precious egg, and the unlucky door-opener would find that the egg was gone.
A huge payoff of a huge payoff.
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Nov 22, 2021 18:20
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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