Let's Read Animorphs! The Whole Series! Ch-ch-ch-chaaanges

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disaster pastor: May 1, 2007

nine-gear crow posted:

Because this is like the last legitimately good book for a long-rear end while yet to come.

I always thought 33 was one of the best of the series, I'm curious to see how I feel about it now.

# ? Nov 15, 2021 13:15

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# ? May 28, 2024 03:30

FlocksOfMice: Feb 3, 2009

quote:

Someday maybe there�ll be medals for those who fought the war against the Yeerks.

I�ll need to buy a footlocker.

Dang but this book is up there with the better ones. I really wish I had kept with the series for longer as a chi--

nine-gear crow posted:

Because this is like the last legitimately good book for a long-rear end while yet to come.

Oh.

# ? Nov 15, 2021 18:03

Rochallor: Apr 23, 2010; ふっっっっっっっっっっっっｃｋ

nine-gear crow posted:

Because this is like the last legitimately good book for a long-rear end while yet to come.

Having gone back through the series at the end of last year, I'd say the fallow period is more like the late 30s-early 40s, and it's nowhere as long or consistently bad as I remembered. Heck, in the next 5 books, there's at least two that wouldn't be surprising as someone's favorite from the whole series.

# ? Nov 15, 2021 22:32

Soup du Jour: Sep 8, 2011; I always knew I'd die with a headache.

We�re all looking ahead to 33 because good lord is 32 stupid, even as a 9 year old I was like �yeah I don�t think so�

# ? Nov 15, 2021 23:12

freebooter: Jul 7, 2009

Rochallor posted:

Having gone back through the series at the end of last year, I'd say the fallow period is more like the late 30s-early 40s, and it's nowhere as long or consistently bad as I remembered. Heck, in the next 5 books, there's at least two that wouldn't be surprising as someone's favorite from the whole series.

I'd agree with this and even in that period there's some good ones. The remaining two "chronicles" books are also among the best in the entire series.

# ? Nov 16, 2021 00:35

ANOTHER SCORCHER: Aug 12, 2018

33 and 34 are quality, 35 less so but leads directly into Visser which is great. 36 is probably one of the worst though.

# ? Nov 16, 2021 02:50

Epicurius: Apr 10, 2010; College Slice

Ok, lets do this!

Animorphs-Book 32, The Seperation
Written by K. Applegate herself!

Chapter 1

quote:

My name is Rachel.

Rachel no last name. Rachel no address. Just Rachel.

It�s a big, bad world out there, boys and girls. At least my world is. Lions and tigers and bears � and those are my friends.

Joke. Sorry, I�m not very good at jokes.

Here�s what you need to know: Earth is under attack. Earth is being invaded. Yes, by aliens. I know. It sounds like fiction. It sounds like something you�d hear from the crazy lady pushing the shopping cart full of cans down the street. I wish I had a more believable story to tell but all I can do is tell the truth.

The truth is that Homo sapiens, humans, me and you, have been targeted by an alien species called Yeerks.

They�re a parasitic species. Not predators looking to kill, kill, kill, hovering over our cities and blowing up the Statue of Liberty or whatever. The Yeerks don�t want us dead. They don�t want our land or our natural resources. They don�t want to barbecue our livers.

What they want is us.

They�re nothing but gray slugs in their natural state. Helpless. You could put on your Timberlands and stomp a couple thousand of them on the sidewalk.

Except that the Yeerks aren�t content to live as slugs. They infest healthy host bodies, they enter the brain, they wrap themselves around the brain and sink into the little crevices. They control the brain. Utterly.

Once they have you, once they�ve made you a Controller, you don�t focus your own eyes, or move your own fingers, or draw your own breath. You are powerless. Like being totally paralyzed, only your eyes are still seeing and your mouth is laughing and your hands are reaching out to choke the life from someone you love.

They�re here. They�re not E.T. They�re not cute. And we, my friends and I, are the only people who know, and just about all that stands between the Yeerks and total world conquest.

Wow. Depressing, huh?

Fortunately, we are not powerless. The Yeerks aren�t the only aliens with an interest in Earth.

There are the Andalites as well. Night and day. Evil and not evil.

The Andalites may not all be saints, but one of them, a warrior named Elfangor, gave us the Andalite technology that allows us to morph. To acquire the DNA of any animal we touch and then to become that animal.

Morphing: power wrapped up in a nightmare.

And yet, there are times when morphing has certain advantages beyond fighting the Yeerks in their various host bodies.

I was on some rocks, some very wet rocks at the base of a cliff, down by the water. North of town the beaches give way to tumbled rocks and eventually to tall cliffs topped with condos and homes for millionaires.

This particular section of shoreline was public. It was condos to the south, and mansions to the north, but right for about a half mile it was just nature. Big pockmarked boulders and water spraying up and drenching me with each wave, and a chilly breeze raising goose bumps on my bare skin.

It was better than being in school. I mean, who doesn�t prefer a field trip over another day in the yawn factory?

But it was definitely chilly. Cold once you got soaked. And we were all in shorts and T-shirts, supposedly identifying the �rich and fascinating life of the tidal pool.�

Of course what was actually happening was that three kids were investigating life in the tidal pools - including my best friend, Cassie - while most of the boys went leaping about the rocks, and most of the girls moved cautiously in little herds of three or four, and all the teachers and teachers� helpers basically screamed at the boys and chided the girls and occasionally yelled something about echinoderms. Your basic field trip.
I
moved away from the others. I don�t do the gossip thing very well anymore. Sorry, but, �He said what? Oh. My. Gawd! No way!� just doesn�t do it for me. And leaping around on rocks with boys who are secretly playing superhero in their imaginations, that�s not going to work, either.

I do plenty of leaping. Usually there�s screaming and bleeding involved. And there�s hurting: yourself and others. And afterward there are the nightmares.

There would be more of that real soon. We�d been informed by our android allies the Chee that the Yeerks were at work on a secret new weapon: an Anti-Morphing Ray. We didn�t know enough, yet, to launch an attack. But attack we would. And then there�d be the leaping and screaming and bleeding.

And the nightmares.

Anyway.

I moved steadily away from the others. No one cared. They�re glad to see me move on. They don�t know why they�re relieved when I�m gone, but they are.

I guess I put off bad vibes, as my mom would say.

Once alone it wasn�t so bad. I like the sound of waves crashing. And even though it really was cold, I kind of liked the harshness of the landscape. Life down there in the rocks was precarious. You had the ocean, this living thing that encircled the planet, eating away relentlessly at the land, chewing it down, bite by patient bite. And the rocks were nothing but the crumbs that fell from Mother Ocean�s mouth. But there, in those crumbs, in those rocks that would soon be ground into sand, there were hundreds of living things. Entire universes contained in eighteen ounces of seawater cupped in the armpit of a rock.

I knelt down to look at one tidal pool. It went deeper than the others. Down into a crack in the rock, down to darkness.

What tidal pool bogeyman lives down there? I wondered.

There was a starfish sitting glued to the wall of the pool. Might as well have been one of those dead, dried-out things you see in souvenir shops on the boardwalk.

Then he moved. It made me laugh. It was like he�d heard my thoughts and wanted to say, �Hey,

I�m not dead yet, kid.�

Plop!

I heard the sound.

I made a quick, desperate grab. I missed.

The earring that had fallen from my ear sank quickly out of sight.

�Oh, man!� I yelled.

I took off my other earring. I looked at it and groaned again. Yes, it was the hammered-gold hoop my dad had bought me for my last birthday. He�d brought them back from a trip to Portugal. Which meant I wasn�t going to be able to replace them at the mall.

I kicked angrily at an outcropping of rock.

This was a bad idea. I was barefoot.

Now I was really mad. Mad that I was on a stupid field trip. Mad that I�d dropped the earring.

Mad at my dad for no reason except that I knew he�d expect to see me wearing them on our next weekend visit.

I wanted that earring and I wasn�t going to just whine about it. When I get mad, I get determined. When I get mad, I do something. Not always a smart thing.

�You,� I said, looking at the starfish. �You could get it back,� I said as I took off my outer clothing and stood there in my leotard.

I reached down and touched the starfish and felt it become a part of me.

Ok, so you've got your standard "I can't tell you who I am" language, and Rachel has lost her earring in a tide pool. Also, I'm pretty sure that in California, at least, all beaches are public up to the high tide line. Correct me if I'm wrong about beach status.

Chapter 2

quote:

I stood up. Looked around. Not ten feet away was this guy named Bailey. I don�t know if that�s his first name or last name.

�What do you want?� I demanded.

�Nothing.� He shrugged.

I glared.

He blushed.

�Looking good, Rachel.�

�What?�

�That leotard and all. You�re looking good.�

I was wearing my morphing outfit. It seemed okay for a trip around the rocks.

�Of course I look good,� I snapped. �I almost always do. You have something else to say?�

I guess that threw him. He shrugged.

�Looking good,� he repeated. �Looking real good.�

�I think we�ve been over that,� I said. �Now go away.�

�You are so stuck-up!�

�That�s right, I am. Now you know the difference between good looks and a good personality.�

He left. I waited till he was back with a group of his friends. I scanned the other direction along the shoreline. A family with two kids, two little boys. They were coming my way but I�d have time to morph before they got close.

I began to morph.

First I shrank. Smaller and smaller. Puddles and pools rushed up toward me. A shower of spray hit me and all of a sudden it wasn�t refreshing, it was scary. The force of the water nearly knocked me off my feet.

Which was easier to do since my feet were disappearing. My thighs grew thick. My arms thickened as well, forming chubby cones.

Arm, arm, leg, leg. And here was the gross part: My head was morphing to become the fifth leg.

It turns out starfish don�t exactly have heads. They have a mouth more or less in the middle, a bunch of wiggly little feet that look like suckers, and the five big cone legs.

That�s about it for a starfish. A cockroach, by comparison, is a model of sophisticated design.

I went blind. Totally. No eyes at all.

It occurred to me to wonder how exactly I expected to find an earring when I couldn�t see, but I assumed the starfish would have other compensating senses.

Nope. Not really.

It could feel. It could sort of smell. It could scoot around on its many tiny little feet. If it happened, mostly by accident, to crawl onto something tasty I guess it could eat it. But that was pretty much it for the starfish.

Well, I told myself, I might be able to feel the earring.

I motored my many little feet. Down, down, slithering down wet rock.

<Okay, this is stupid. An unfamiliar morph in a hole in the rock. Not your brightest move,

Rachel.>

Then my foot - one of them, anyway - touched something thin and hard and round.

Amazing! I had stumbled onto the earring. It took me another ten minutes to get my useless little mouth to grab the earring. I headed back up. At least I hoped it was up.

I climbed up over the lip of the pool, out into relative dryness. I focused my mind on morphing and began to -

WHAM!

Something hit me. Hit me hard.

The starfish didn�t have much in the way of pain sensors but I still knew, the starfish knew, deep down, that it was very, very badly hurt.

I tried to make sense of it all. But all I knew for sure was this: I had been able to count to five on my starfish legs.

Now I could only count to two.

I was cut in half!

<Aaaahhhh!> I yelled.

Panic, blind panic hit me.

I was cut in half! I had to die. Had to! There was no way �

But I was still alive.

Demorph!

That was it. Yeah. Demorph. Yeah, yeah, change back. Oh, lord! I was chopped in half!

I focused. Focused on the image of myself, my real self.

Demorph, Rachel. Demorph and live!

I began to change.

Eyes! I could see!

Rocks, all around me. But sky above. Blue sky and white, fluffy clouds! I could see!

Tiny little blue eyes sticking out of a starfish leg.

I continued demorphing. I dragged myself up, inch by inch and peeked carefully over the lip of rock.

Half a starfish lay unchanged in the tidal pool. Two legs and a chunk of a third. And an earring.

I caught a glimpse of the family, the two boys. One of them had a pail. And a shiny new steel shovel.

He�d been the one who had cut me.

He�d been the one who�d almost killed me.

Rotten, filthy little brat!

�I�ll kill him!� I said. �Kill him! Kill the filthy little creep!� Morph to grizzly bear and tear him apart! No. No. Not the kid. Bailey! His fault. He delayed me, otherwise it would have all worked perfectly.

I stood up.

�Bailey!� I screamed against the crashing waves, shaking my clenched fists in rage. �I�ll kill you! I�ll kill you! I�ll murder you!�

He heard nothing, of course, over the sound of the waves. And that was a good thing. It occurred to me that killing Bailey was probably an overreaction.

But just the same, it would teach him a lesson.

You notice Rachel gets hit on in every book she's in? She's a one hawk girl. Also, more generally, who goes to a tide pool and just cuts a starfish in half? That's just sadistic and cruel.

I do like the "Now you know the difference between good looks and a good personality.� line.

# ? Nov 16, 2021 04:51

Malpais Legate: Oct 1, 2014

Ah gently caress, I didn't realize this was the Starfish one. Now I know why everyone was so down on it earlier.

# ? Nov 16, 2021 06:23

nine-gear crow: Aug 10, 2013

Isn't this book like Applegate's personal favourite from the series and her stated position on it is "gently caress all the haters, I love it", or am I misremebering something?

# ? Nov 16, 2021 07:31

Pwnstar: Dec 9, 2007; Who wants some waffles?

Much like the Helmacrons, this one owns.

# ? Nov 16, 2021 07:32

WrightOfWay: Jul 24, 2010

I only know this one by reputation so I'm curious to see how it goes.

# ? Nov 16, 2021 07:44

someone awful.: Sep 7, 2007

oh hey, it's the only book i like less than the helmacron book! :gonk:

# ? Nov 16, 2021 08:04

GodFish: Oct 10, 2012; We're your first, last, and only line of defense. We live in secret. We exist in shadow.

And we dress in black.

I loved the helmacron book so it'll be interesting to see how this goes

# ? Nov 16, 2021 08:23

Turpitude II: Nov 10, 2014

nine-gear crow posted:

Isn't this book like Applegate's personal favourite from the series and her stated position on it is "gently caress all the haters, I love it", or am I misremebering something?

i don't know about favourite, but she did say it was very fun to write.

it's not a fantastic book but i think i like it more than the consensus. i found some parts of it personally insighful, and some little bits still stick with me.

# ? Nov 16, 2021 11:19

HIJK: Nov 25, 2012; in the room where you sleep

Helmacron books own and starfish book owns, embrace the cringe yall

# ? Nov 16, 2021 11:34

Andrew_1985: Sep 18, 2007; Hay hay hay!

This was the book that made me stop reading when I was a kid.
Brain parasites from space, sure. Kids mutating into animals, okay. Girl as starfish getting cut in two!? Stop the bus. I�m out. It�s just too unrealistic.

# ? Nov 16, 2021 13:07

Strom Cuzewon: Jul 1, 2010

Don't kill Bailey, kill that kid with the shovel!

(for bonus points: kill the kid with the shovel)

Strom Cuzewon fucked around with this message at 13:34 on Nov 16, 2021

# ? Nov 16, 2021 13:15

Edna Mode: Sep 24, 2005; Bullshit, that's last year's Fall collection!

Yeah, this is where I tapped out as a kid. I think I was getting burned out emotionally after the last one, and then after reading the preview for this one I was like, "Ok I'm done."

# ? Nov 16, 2021 15:28

Epicurius: Apr 10, 2010; College Slice

Edna Mode posted:

Yeah, this is where I tapped out as a kid. I think I was getting burned out emotionally after the last one, and then after reading the preview for this one I was like, "Ok I'm done."

This isn't the best book, but it has its moments, and it makes a good break from some of the more serious and emotional books.

# ? Nov 16, 2021 15:50

Capfalcon: Apr 6, 2012; No Boots on the Ground,
Puny Mortals!

Epicurius posted:

The Predator-Chapter 7

I mean, really, I've got tears in my eyes right now.

This whole part is just so incredibly sad. It just devastates me, because Marco and his dad so desperately need each other right now, but their own misery is a wall between them.

The whole thing with Marco reflecting on Chapman loving and wanting to protect his daughter, but now being trapped sort of, to me, is a callback to Marco and his dad at the beginning of the chapter. Marco's dad obviously loves him, but is so trapped by his own grief that he's unable to be there for Marco or protect him.

I'm way, way behind and still catching up, but man, I had the most morbid thought about Marco and his dad.

Given how much a shell of a person his dad appears to be now, Marco's gotta be pretty sure his dad isn't a Controller now, but when his dad eventually gets his life together, would Marco think, "He's gotta be a Controller?"

# ? Nov 16, 2021 23:17

Epicurius: Apr 10, 2010; College Slice

Capfalcon posted:

I'm way, way behind and still catching up, but man, I had the most morbid thought about Marco and his dad.

Given how much a shell of a person his dad appears to be now, Marco's gotta be pretty sure his dad isn't a Controller now, but when his dad eventually gets his life together, would Marco think, "He's gotta be a Controller?"

I mean, that's the horror of Controllers. Anyone can be one.

# ? Nov 17, 2021 02:51

pile of brown: Dec 31, 2004

I was trying to explain The Thing to my mom on the phone the other day, it's also this

# ? Nov 17, 2021 04:03

Epicurius: Apr 10, 2010; College Slice

Chapter 3

quote:

I finished demorphing. It was a terrifying, hideous experience. But the alternative was even worse. I demorphed in a total, like, panic! I wasn�t even thinking, just screaming inside my mind, screaming and begging for it to be over.

I rose from the rocks, so grateful to be fully human, so relieved. I saw the others, far off. I caught a glimpse of a blond girl, running away. I didn�t recognize her.

Had she seen me?

The earring! There it was, stuck between my toes. Oh, good. It was a cool earring, really. Not

like some of the stuff your parents might buy you. You know parents. Right?

Anyway �

I ran back to the others, too.

I needed to be with, like, people. I needed to have familiar voices and faces around me.

So scared!

I was shaking. I was going to go on shaking forever.

Was I insane? Why had I done something as reckless as morphing a starfish?

And �

And why had I been so mean to Bailey? All he�d wanted to do was compliment me. He just wanted to say he thought I was pretty; why had I been so, like, harsh and stuck-up?

Later I would have to find the time and the right way to apologize. Maybe if I went out on a date with him -

Oh, wait. No. That would hurt Tobias�s feelings. I was sure it would.

I was supposed to go flying with Tobias after school. We did that a lot, me and Tobias. Tobias is a nothlit. That�s an Andalite word for a person who stays in morph past the two-hour limit.

Tobias was trapped now, as a red-tailed hawk.

They are very scary birds.

I mean, he�s a boy, really. A very sweet boy. Like Bailey. Only I could kiss Bailey, couldn�t I?

Yes. I could. It would be nice.

Nice kissing Tobias, too. If he was in human morph.

They were both cute. They were both nice. Sweet. Gentle. Kind. All those good things.

Only, Tobias killed mice and ate them. Which was not all that sweet, really.

Oh, well.

�Are you okay, Rachel?� a girl named Dahlia asked.

�Oh! Does it show?� I asked, pressing my hands against my face.

�Forget it,� Dahlia said, looking disgusted. �Why would I try and be nice to you? All I get is sarcasm.�

�Oh, Dahlia,� I said, reaching out for her. �I�m sorry you feel that way. Really! I want to be friends. I really, really do.�

Dahlia made a face. �You know, you were always stuck-up, Rachel, but lately you�re just this total, like, witch.�

She turned away and I felt hot tears flood my eyes. Why would she say that about me? I was being sincere. I really did want to be friends.

We all walked toward the bus. Boy, was that ever a welcome sight after all I�d been through!

I climbed aboard and got into my seat. My shoes were under the seat. My outer clothing was in my backpack. I pulled a sweater on.

I wish they had seat belts on buses, don�t you?

�That�s a cute sweater,� this girl named Elizabeth said. She was sitting next to me.

�Thanks. I got it at Abercrombie? It�s, like, on sale? Forty-two fifty marked down to twenty-seven ninety-five.�

�No way! Are you going to the mall after school?�

Okay, so I should go straight to meet Tobias after school. That�s what I should do. I had promised. Only �

But did I want to go be with Tobias? Or did I want to go shopping?

Would Cassie go shopping with me? She didn�t like shopping very much. But she might go. I could, like, ask her. But what about Elizabeth? She�d asked me already. Only I didn�t really like Elizabeth all that much, and I did like Cassie. Only Cassie might not want to go shopping.

And Tobias! He�d be so sad if I didn�t show up.

But if I showed up he�d, like, want me to morph and all, and it was so scary, flying, way up in the air with nothing holding you up - oh my Gawd! I couldn�t believe I ever did it!

�So?� Elizabeth asked.

�What?� I asked.

She shrugged. �Forget it.�

You know, if you think of it, morphing is pretty hideous. Also, btw, the "seat belts on school busses" debate is still going on. Only something like 8 states have a law requiring them.

Chapter 4

quote:

I hooked up with Tobias at his meadow.

He saw me coming and swept down out of the sky, fierce, wild, a thing of dangerous beauty.

<Hi, Rachel. Hear anything from Jake about the mission?>

�I haven�t seen Jake. Don�t worry, he�ll get word to us if there�s killing to be done. Ha! Anti- Morphing Ray! You have to admire the Yeerks: They never stop trying. They never stop trying to take us down! Now, let�s fly!�

I began to morph. My bird-of-prey morph is the bald eagle. It�s only fitting. Nothing againsthawks, but eagles are bigger, more dangerous. I�m sure if Tobias had it to do all over again he�d get trapped as an eagle.

The bad part of morphing to eagle is the shrinking. You get smaller. A lot smaller, and your first thought is, Hey, smaller is weaker and no way I want to be weaker!

But then you feel your weak, useless human lips harden and push out and out, forming the wicked, yellow, downturned, ripping, tearing eagle beak, and you think, Hah! Smaller, yes, but not weaker!

You watch the feather pattern as it draws across your flesh, and feel the strange, distant itching when those patterns become three-dimensional.

Your bones hollow and shrink, your arms twist and rotate, your insides slosh and melt and reform into inhuman organs.

Your feet, your soft, stubby, awkward human feet melt like wax and then harden into talons.

As wonderful as the eagle�s beak is, the talons are the true weapons. So powerful they can grab and hold a young lamb. They can snatch and squeeze and penetrate flesh and organ and skull and brain. Eyes that can see a flea hopping on a rabbit�s back from fifty yards away! Ears that can hear a mouse sneeze! Reflexes like lightning!

A wonderful creature. A natural predator. Raptor! The killer from the sky!

I wondered if I could take Tobias in an air-to-air fight. He was more maneuverable and experienced. But I had the brute power.

Well, another day, maybe. Tobias was a true warrior. The right sort of partner for me. Someone who understood that -

<Ready?> Tobias asked. <Come on, there are some sweet thermals coming up off the freeway today with this sun.>

I flapped my wings. I turned to catch a slight headwind. My wings filled and I soared.

Up and up and up we went. Tobias was right! The thermals off the freeway, the heat boiling up from sunbaked concrete and car engines was like an elevator beneath our wings.

Up and up!

We were gods! We could have flown to the sun! Humans in their cars were puny, flaccid, paltry, limited creatures, far, far beneath us.
A quarter mile up there was a delicious, cool breeze that we used to rocket us forward, zooming over factories and parking lots, over meadows and streams and woods.

Then �

Far, far below, so far no human could ever have spotted it, a school of fish, fast and silver, in a stream decorated with garlands of white water.

I spilled air, tucked my wings back, and dove.

The rush!

The thrill!

I was an eagle being an eagle. Pure raptor! Pure rapture!

That struck me as a good thought. <Tobias!> I cried. <Pure raptor, pure rapture! Ah HAH!>

<Rachel, what are you doing?>

Down, down, down, so fast the wind was a hurricane over my wings. Then, slow just a bit, use my tail to aim, to change my trajectory as I singled out a single, particular victim.

My eagle�s eyes, adapted by nature for seeing through water, filtering out the glare, saw it all: six fish, six trout, all unaware, and one, one I chose, would die!

You! You will never live to chase another fisherman�s lure! I have chosen you to die!

I raked my talons forward.

I flared my wings.

A splash!

The sudden, lovely feeling of my talons striking firm, cold flesh.

Strike!

I squeezed and talons sank deep. The fish, only now recognizing its doom, squirmed. Helpless! I am the eagle! You cannot resist me!
I fluttered, carrying the spasming creature over to the bank. I landed on a flat rock. I steadied myself with one talon and held my victim with the other.

I looked into his stupid, terrified eyes, and with my razor beak I ripped him open. Scales flew.

Fish guts spilled.

I buried my beak, up to the eyes in the cool, squirming flesh. I felt the heart still beating.

I ate the fish, ripping big chunks and gulping them down.

<Rachel! What are you doing? Did you lose control of the morph?>

<What am I doing? I am eating this fish. He�s mine! Get back! He�s my kill. MY kill!>

I ate the heart. Then, it stopped beating.

Hearts tend to stop beating once you eat them....or so I've heard. I lack personal experience on this topic.

# ? Nov 17, 2021 04:38

FlocksOfMice: Feb 3, 2009

Oh my God there's two Rachel's and we're following the one that regenerated from the lesser half, aren't we?? This is insane I love this. I'm really excited to see where this is going.

# ? Nov 17, 2021 04:49

Strom Cuzewon: Jul 1, 2010

FlocksOfMice posted:

Oh my God there's two Rachel's and we're following the one that regenerated from the lesser half, aren't we?? This is insane I love this. I'm really excited to see where this is going.

I think We switched between chapters. One Rachel is soft and lovey dovey, the other is violent and bloodthirsty

From people's reactions im sure this is gonna drive off a cliff, but so far: owns

# ? Nov 17, 2021 10:19

OctaviusBeaver: Apr 30, 2009; Say what now?

"a total witch" lol

# ? Nov 17, 2021 21:54

e X: Feb 23, 2013; cool but crude

After the last two books, going with a sitcom cliche does feel like a step down.

The idea is pretty cool and very Animorphs, but going with good Rachel/evil Rachel doesn�t really do the premise justice.

# ? Nov 17, 2021 22:02

Epicurius: Apr 10, 2010; College Slice

Chapter 5

quote:

�Oh, that outfit is so, like, cute!� I said.

�Uh-huh,� Cassie agreed with absolutely no enthusiasm whatsoever.

Cassie is my best friend in the whole world. But she is totally not into clothing or shopping. I mean, I love her, but the girl dresses like someone who should be wearing a tool belt and saying, �Like, can I fix your leaky faucet or whatever?�

Me, I love shopping. I have a talent for it. You know the way Mozart could write music, or Shakespeare could write words? Or the way Will Smith can be all cute? That�s how it is with me and shopping.

I had already worked out a plan: the sale at Abercrombie and Fitch, a quick stop at Lady Foot Locker, take the right turn to the department store where they were having a twenty-percent-off sale, swing back past Body Shop, The Limited, and finally top it all off with an Aunt Annie�s soft pretzel, no butter but lots of salt.

I�d already figured out what to say to Tobias to apologize. I had an obligation to Tobias, I realized. Yes, an obligation. But shopping was more fun than obligation.

�One third off!� I squealed with delight. �Oh! Do they have my size? It would be so, so cool if they had my size and all. That would be the best!�

�Yeah, that would be right up there with a cure for cancer,� Cassie teased.

�You should get one in your size!� I said. �Only, we couldn�t ever wear them on the same day, so, like, we�d have to always call each other the night before and check with the other person. And then, if you wanted to wear it, well, if I didn�t want to wear it, then okay. Only what if I wanted to wear it the next day? Then it would be like, �Hey, everyone, Rachel�s wearing what Cassie wore yesterday.� So -�

�Rachel?�

�Yes?�

�Are you okay?�

�Why do you keep asking me if I�m okay?� I asked.

�Because you�re being -�

�Do you think Tobias will be really sad that I didn�t go flying with him?� I asked. �I feel bad about that.�

�Well, why didn�t -�

�Oh, look! Look! No, don�t look now! Okay, look! It�s the guy from the CD store! He is soooooo cute!�

Suddenly, as I worked my way around the circular sale rack, I brushed into someone.

�Oh, sorry,� I said.

�Sorry?�

It was some girl I didn�t know. Kind of big. Bigger than me, anyway. And she had, like, this angry look in her eyes. She looked me up and down. Like she didn�t like my looks.

It scared me.

I gulped.

�Get out of my way, airhead,� she snapped.

Cassie jumped forward and put her hand on my arm. �Rachel, let it go.�

The girl guffawed. �Yeah, Rachel, let it go. Get out of my way before I kick your skinny, preppy, mall-crawling, bubblehead, blond butt.�

�Rachel,� Cassie warned, �let it go. You don�t need to go postal over this.�

I felt the tears start. I bit my lip.

�S-s-s-sorry,� I said to the mean, mean girl.

I turned and ran away. I buried my face in my hands and ran.

�What the �� Cassie said.

�You, too, Farm Girl,� I heard the mean girl say to Cassie.

I stopped running when I found a bench outside Baby Gap. I just, like, sat there, all collapsed, trying to get hold of myself.

Cassie came running up. She�s my best friend. So I knew she�d talk to me and be nice and make me feel better.

I looked up at her through blurry tears.

She stood with hands on hips and a shocked expression on her face and looked down at me.

�Okay,� she said, �what have you done with Rachel?�

So, yea, that didn't go well, and was very anti-Rachel (except for the planning to optimize the shopping. That was VERY Rachel). Everybody figure out what's going on yet?

Chapter 6

quote:

I hate the mall. I don�t know why I ever thought I liked it. Must be one of those things where you just suddenly wake up one day, the scales fall from your eyes, and you behold The Truth: The mall sucks.

I mean, if you ever want to really experience contempt for your fellow human beings, go to the mall. They moo along like cattle, little knots of them, little gaggles of them. Like sheep!

Tired-looking, pasty-faced mommies busily crushing the wild free spirits of their children; galumphing teen boys with idiot expressions covered by acne pustules; high-heeled trophy wives with their squat, bald, fireplug husbands in tow.

What a hideous spectacle. And all for what? To buy, buy, buy! Shopping: sport of the brain-dead.

But what was I going to do? I had to do something with my clothing situation. I mean it was pathetic! After flying with Tobias, and after he got all weird, I headed home. I�d left my clothes on the bus after I ditched the stupid field trip. Anyway, I get home, and what do I find in my closet? Girl clothes!

Yeah, yeah, I am a girl. But I mean that all of my clothing was so squeaky clean, so preppy, so �good girl.�

I�d never really thought about it before. I mean, I bought the stupid clothes, all right? But they chewed!

I needed something with a little more of an edge, man. I needed some leather, yeah, some black leather. That was it. Leather.

I tried to think of what to do. I mean, I guess I knew I�d have to go to the mall, but it was complicated. First I didn�t know how to get there. Then, once I was there, I didn�t know where to go.

Too many shops. I tried to think about it, you know, focus and all, but it was just confusing.

Confusing because it was so stupid! That�s why. Because it was stupid!

I shoved past this obnoxious couple that was getting all goo-goo because their kid was walking. He was like two. Big deal, he could walk.

�Hey! Watch it, please!�

�You watch it, old man,� I replied politely.

�My son is trying to walk,� the woman said.

�Yeah, and with your DNA in him that�ll probably be his highest accomplishment,� I said tolerantly.

I brushed past. I spotted Cassie up ahead and slowed up. Didn�t need her, right then. Cassie�s all right, but man, she can complicate the simplest thing. You know? I mean, life is pretty simple, right?

The strong eat the weak. That�s about it. No complications.

Cassie was running toward Baby Gap. Great, she�d probably meet up with the proud mommy and daddy and the staggering, drooling baby.

I cut into Williams-Sonoma, the kitchen store, to avoid having Cassie see me. Don�t know why, just didn�t want to hook up with her right then.

So anyway, I go into Williams-Sonoma, and what do I see? Knives! So many knives! A rack of them with plastic over it, plus a counter with a bunch of them in knife blocks.

Well, I like knives. How can you not like knives?

�Aww, it�s the crybaby,� someone said. Some girl.

I pushed past her.

She grabbed my arm. This was a mistake.

I grinned at her. �Back off, you hideous, putrid, diseased-looking lump of lard,� I said.

I was being nice. I was giving her a chance.

�What are you gonna do, little J. Crew girl? Bust out in tears a -�

My right hand shot toward her throat. She jumped back. I lashed out with my left foot and caught her hard on the shin.

She yelled.

A good sound.

I plowed into her, shoulder down, and slammed her back against the knife rack.

The twelve-inch chefs knife was in my hand. So easy to plunge it into her heart.

But you know, I kind of liked this girl. She reminded me of me.

I grabbed a handful of her sweatshirt.

Thunk!

I buried the chef�s knife in her sweatshirt. The knife quivered in the wood counter. She was pinned.

She was scared, too.

I grabbed more sweatshirt and �

Thunk!

The boning knife went in.

Thunk!

Bread knife.

Thunk!

Seven-inch utility knife.

Naturally, she was screaming during all this.

�Ahhhh! Ahhhh! Ahhhh!�

I grabbed the cleaver. I held it high in the air, like I was gonna slam it down on her head.

Then, I laughed. I pinched her cheek and tugged back and forth while she shook and quivered.
�I like you,� I said. �I really do. We could be friends. But watch who you pick your fights with.�

I walked away, sliding past the security guards who were rushing in.

Maybe the mall isn�t so bad after all.

I sort of liked the "I hate shopping and going to the mall!".....goes to the mall and buys a new outfit.

# ? Nov 18, 2021 04:38

Tree Bucket: Apr 1, 2016; R.I.P.idura leucophrys

Slipping into writing in present tense. A sure sign of a dangerous mind

# ? Nov 18, 2021 04:52

Fritzler: Sep 5, 2007

Wow, in first chapter I was thinking it was too bad this girl didn�t run into mean rachel, she seems like a bully. Glad it happened in second.

# ? Nov 18, 2021 05:38

freebooter: Jul 7, 2009

quote:

I mean, if you ever want to really experience contempt for your fellow human beings, go to the mall. They moo along like cattle, little knots of them, little gaggles of them. Like sheep!

Tired-looking, pasty-faced mommies busily crushing the wild free spirits of their children; galumphing teen boys with idiot expressions covered by acne pustules; high-heeled trophy wives with their squat, bald, fireplug husbands in tow.

What a hideous spectacle. And all for what? To buy, buy, buy! Shopping: sport of the brain-dead.

I want the audiobook of this narrated by Orson Welles or Werner Herzog

# ? Nov 18, 2021 07:23

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

This is poetry.

quote:

Must be one of those things where you just suddenly wake up one day, the scales fall from your eyes, and you behold The Truth: The mall sucks.

# ? Nov 18, 2021 08:04

GodFish: Oct 10, 2012; We're your first, last, and only line of defense. We live in secret. We exist in shadow.

And we dress in black.

This is a blast so far :allears:

# ? Nov 18, 2021 09:12

Ravenfood: Nov 4, 2011

I haven't read this book, but would it have been better received if it came out earlier?

# ? Nov 18, 2021 11:59

Epicurius: Apr 10, 2010; College Slice

Ravenfood posted:

I haven't read this book, but would it have been better received if it came out earlier?

I think it probably would have.

# ? Nov 18, 2021 14:29

FlocksOfMice: Feb 3, 2009

Oh, there's TWO Rachels.

I think Animorphs can be summed into like, maybe three kinds of books? You have the classic psychological horror child soldier stories, the ones the books started on, and probably my favorite types in the series. You have the weird sitcom episodes like this and the cow one, which are good for comic relief at times and taking a break from the trauma of the other ones. And you have the out-there scifi episodes with time travel or going to alien planets. We're getting the sitcom episode today and I'm fine with this.

# ? Nov 18, 2021 20:35

ANOTHER SCORCHER: Aug 12, 2018

Ravenfood posted:

I haven't read this book, but would it have been better received if it came out earlier?

This book being sandwiched between a book about Jake deciding if he needs to murder his brother or sacrifice his father and a deeply introspective book during which Tobias is tortured for nearly the entire length is definitely tonal whiplash.

# ? Nov 18, 2021 21:06

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

ANOTHER SCORCHER posted:

This book being sandwiched between a book about Jake deciding if he needs to murder his brother or sacrifice his father and a deeply introspective book during which Tobias is tortured for nearly the entire length is definitely tonal whiplash.

I'd go so far as to say it really seperates the two.

# ? Nov 18, 2021 21:54

Bobulus: Jan 28, 2007

FlocksOfMice posted:

Oh, there's TWO Rachels.

I think Animorphs can be summed into like, maybe three kinds of books? You have the classic psychological horror child soldier stories, the ones the books started on, and probably my favorite types in the series. You have the weird sitcom episodes like this and the cow one, which are good for comic relief at times and taking a break from the trauma of the other ones. And you have the out-there scifi episodes with time travel or going to alien planets. We're getting the sitcom episode today and I'm fine with this.

Funny enough, according to the wiki, this is based off an original series Star Trek episode premise, so it's both wacky sitcom and out-there scifi.

(There's a transporter accident and Captain Kirk gets split into a meek, follow the rules half and brash womanizer half. The same thing happens to an alien pet (a dog with a horn stuck on its head) and the pet halves spontaneously drop dead, so it's a race to recombine the Kirk halves before that happens to him.)

# ? Nov 19, 2021 00:29

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# ? May 28, 2024 03:30

Epicurius: Apr 10, 2010; College Slice

Bobulus posted:

Funny enough, according to the wiki, this is based off an original series Star Trek episode premise, so it's both wacky sitcom and out-there scifi.

(There's a transporter accident and Captain Kirk gets split into a meek, follow the rules half and brash womanizer half. The same thing happens to an alien pet (a dog with a horn stuck on its head) and the pet halves spontaneously drop dead, so it's a race to recombine the Kirk halves before that happens to him.)

Yes. I was going to bring that up later on in the book, but this is basically Applegate's homage to The Enemy Within. Applegate has thrown in a lot of homages to Star Trek over the course of the show....Ax watching Star Trek and thinking that Enterprise looks like a ship type he's familiar with and that Worf looks like an alien species he's heard of, Seerow's Kindness being the Andalite version of the Prime Directive, and so on.

# ? Nov 19, 2021 00:37

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > Let's Read Animorphs! The Whole Series! Ch-ch-ch-chaaanges

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