Arsenic Lupin posted:

My experience with tetanus is that it isn't the shot that's the problem, it's the major pain in the arm muscle for the next couple of days. Didn't have that problem with a measles booster, any flu shot, or the J&J vaccination. My Moderna booster (yay mix-and-match) did hurt for two days, although not to the extent of tetanus. Tiny needle, barely felt the shot, but the immune reaction was memorable.

Zulily Zoetrope posted:

I don't really see it? Like I'm sure specifics would add to the story, but he went behind his wife's back, drained their joint account, to buy an expensive gift he would never get his wife, because he wants to compete with his siblings.

If there were any details that would mitigate OP's actions enough to not be the rear end in a top hat, they would be included in the post.

Hughlander posted:

AITA for not refusing to give my son the name my husband wants to give him?

My husband and I had a big argument a few days ago about this and he's very up in arms about it. He considers it his hill to die on.

His Divine Shadow posted:

I've had several tetanus shots in my life (FYI reminds me 2021 is supposed to be when I renew them), what's supposed to be worse about those than any other vaccination?

quote:

I started seeing this guy who was poly in the summer and I was always curious about polyamory since most of my friends are poly. At the time he had 3 partners and we agreed to keep things casual, more like a summer fling. Quickly, he goes against his word to me, himself, and his partners because when we're together he tells me how much he adores me, how much he's enamored by me, how I'm his favorite person to have sex with. Totally singing my praises. He calls me his partner after our second time hanging out. When I told him I had feelings for him, he said he was at capacity with his "serious" partners and didn't have time for anything outside of a casual relationship with me. He said he wanted a relationship eventually, but that he wasn't ready to do so. I put two and two together and realized he was lying to his partners about us strictly being emotionally casual, and when I called him out, he ended things because he realized he needed to repair his partner's trust.

A few months later, he reconnects with me and says again that he wants something more serious with me but that his primary (who seemed to be basically monogamous at that point from what he told me) wasn't comfortable with him actually dating me yet. He kept saying that she needed more time and that she wasnt ready to deal with NRE, which was why she was hesitant for him to start dating me. When we reconnected, I said this would just be strictly sex then, but we both have so much chemistry together that it's hard to not fall for each other. After a month of seeing each other sexually, he finally says last week that his partner is ready for him to start actually seeing me.

I shouldn't have even let things get this far, but this was my final straw. He asked to take me out on a date, our first actual real date together after I took my law school entrance exam. It was a huge day for me, the biggest day of my life this far, and I was so happy that he wanted to be there for me. I also was excited to actually have a real date with him for the first time in the two months that we had been seeing each other.

Until, he texts me the afternoon of canceling because he procrastinated on his homework and didn't get it done in time. No acknowledgment of the fact that it would have been our first date or that this day was so important to me. I ended things and deleted his number. Since we've been together for two months on and off, he's flaked on me 3 times (to hang out with his other partners), consistently shows up hours late, and doesn't keep his word on other things he promised to do.

Throughout our time together I had issues with the way his polyamory played out. I didn't like how insecure he was whenever i'd bring up my partners with penises (I was seeing a transwoman and a M/F couple) and how he'd ask about dick size or who was hotter. It felt less like polyamory and more like him wanting a harem of women who were devoted to him. Anyway . . not going to let this get me down, but felt the need to vent to other poly folx.

quote:

After I posted my last post here (https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/quokac/venting_over_my_first_failed_poly_relationship/ ), his ex partner who's known him for four years found my post & commented. Instantly knew it was even though we never met.

We talk the entire night and realized that EVERYTHING was a lie. He and I reconnected in October after taking a break and he said his partners knew. Welp that wasn't true. He was talking about marriage and children with his partners all the while cheating with them the entire time.

We message his primary and after confronting him he confesses that he's been cheating with me and another girl. The three of us hop in a zoom call and after talking for hours we decide to show up to his house since he was ignoring all of us.

This man lied about his STI status (just with me), lied about condom usage, lied about literally every single thing. There are so many lies that it's impossible to even condense it all into one post. When we confronted him, he essentially had nothing noteworthy to say, just defaulted to "I don't know why I did this, I'm a bad person".

Everything this man said was classic love-bombing, narcissistic abuse. He abused every single one of us and was planning on phasing us out and seeing new women, which apparently he's done consistently as a pattern.

The bright side is that because of my Reddit post and because his ex found me, she got to learn the truth about why they broke up and his primary got to leave before she sacrificed her career dreams for this man. And I got to meet two amazing women and we're all supporting us through the process.

Here's the pic that we all took outside of his house right before we confronted him: https://imgur.com/a/tb7tfbo
The Ex Partner Avengers assembling to confront a fake poly abuser

Hughlander posted:

Venting over my first failed poly relationship


Update: the partners unionized, confronted him, and discovered that everything was a lie


Glad she got the full Polly experience the first time out!

quote:

So I (23F) have 2 younger siblings (21F and 19M). I walked into the living room the other day and heard my dad discussing his will with my mom. He said if anything were to happen to him, all his assets will go to my mom and my brother, and my sister and I will be getting nothing.

I was pretty frustrated after hearing this and told him I don’t even need his money and he can spend it the way he wants but he needs to stop saying he loves us all equally when it’s clear he favours my brother and always has. He said it wasn’t anything like that but he’s just following cultural norms in which sons gets all the property because they are expected to take care of the parents and daughters are their husband’s property. I told him his rationale doesn’t make sense because we don’t even live in his country and nobody follows that here so why is he so obsessed with his backwards culture.

He then started saying just because he treats his daughters differently than his son doesn’t mean he loves us any less and I reminded him he was full of poo poo because when my sister and I were born he cried because he wanted a son and asked my mom if he could ship us off to his relatives in his home country because he didn’t want us. He said that was a long time ago but I told him I’m so sick of having to deal with all his double standards over the years and I hate his culture and he just shouldn’t have had any kids at all if he didn’t want to risk having daughters because we didn’t want to be born into a family like this either.

At this point he told me I’m being too dramatic and have no right to speak to him like that and my mom got angry at both of us - at me for talking back to him and at him for having this conversation while I was home (but not for excluding my sister and I from the will). I just said whatever and walked away and now we’re not speaking.

I do recognize I may have come across as greedy and entitled though. AITA?

Hughlander posted:

Venting over my first failed poly relationship


Update: the partners unionized, confronted him, and discovered that everything was a lie


Glad she got the full Polly experience the first time out!

SUPERMAN'S GAL PAL posted:

United States Thanksgiving is a preservation of nationalist myths told to uphold White Supremacy, YTA for having a dinner at all unless you’re putting in the same amount of time/money/effort/etc into supporting those locally who are unjustly forced into poverty, especially if said peoples are Native Americans.

I’m only being a tiny bit sarcastic. I do believe any modern Thanksgiving needs to reflect on the whys and hows of the day and I personally support it as a National Day of Mourning. As for the OP they’re not wrong, but they’re overthinking it. As a host they shouldn’t deny the roommates joining imo, but not for any holiday-specific reason.

Piell posted:

AITA for getting mad at my father for not including me in his will?

Piell posted:

AITA for getting mad at my father for not including me in his will?

Hughlander posted:

Update: the partners unionized, confronted him, and discovered that everything was a lie

Soylent Pudding posted:

AITA for not having sympathy for my wife when my in laws found out my parents are still married?

limp_cheese posted:

My favorite is the mom that hates her husband's misogynistic culture and views but hates equally anybody that points out his views are misogynistic. Poor woman was probably forced into that marriage and forced to be ok with those views but still knows they are wrong. She should divorce him but she's probably too decorum poisoned for that after years of abuse.

Edit: I feel like there was a poly story a few threads ago where the relationship was the guy was the dom and he had 3 girls as subs. The subs got fed up with how things were going, unionized, and made him the sub. I think he was the one asking for advice because he dien't know what to do and wanted thinge back how they were. Everyone just laughed at him. Anyone remember that one?

limp_cheese posted:

My favorite is the mom that hates her husband's misogynistic culture and views but hates equally anybody that points out his views are misogynistic. Poor woman was probably forced into that marriage and forced to be ok with those views but still knows they are wrong. She should divorce him but she's probably too decorum poisoned for that after years of abuse.

Edit: I feel like there was a poly story a few threads ago where the relationship was the guy was the dom and he had 3 girls as subs. The subs got fed up with how things were going, unionized, and made him the sub. I think he was the one asking for advice because he dien't know what to do and wanted thinge back how they were. Everyone just laughed at him. Anyone remember that one?

quote:

My (23F) boyfriend (24M) is a massive chess buff. He will spend hours rambling about chess, days arguing on forums, and spend eternity on his online Chess account. He’s spent around 10 years building up his account and loves to play. I on the other hand, can play, but am nothing compared to him.

However, he has recently been even more engrossed in his Chess addiction. I’m talking all nighters spent on that goddamn site following dumb tournament streams and replaying other matches (why would you replay someone else’s match btw?) Even more suspicious is the fact he is now using his phone for chess, something he previously swore to not do since according to him, ‘the phone UI sucks.’

His phone now always keeps pinging with chess notifications, and the most suspicious part is that they are messages from someone on the site. The notifications don’t tell me who they are or what they are saying, just that ‘Someone has sent you a message.’

The straw that broke the camel’s back was when he told me with 2 hrs notice that he would be leaving for a Chess tournament, but he told me at 5pm. Who holds a tournament at 7 in the night and stretches it to a night over? He told me it was a University event, and showed me an unrelated message that was apparently proof. He then got pissy when I told him he wasn’t to go because I was fed up with him treating me like a side table in his house. He told me that I can’t tell him what to do and then left early.

What I did after this was I did the ‘forgot your password’ option on his account, reset the password and logged into his account and deleted it.

An hour later my phone gets blown up with texts from him, which I say I will talk to you later, enjoy your ‘tournament’ and blocked him.

AITA?

Update

So I posted this just before I went to bed. I hear sounds in the kitchen that wake me up and see my BF packing his things. We had a bit of fight but in the end, he admitted to using his Chess account to hookup with a girl from College. Even though he admitted, he is still furious about his account and how he was some really high 'FM' rank that is very hard to get. Judging by the comments, it seems like I went way to far by deleting his account, but it also seems like my suspicions were correct.

Hughlander posted:

AITA for deleting my BF's Chess account?

Baronjutter posted:

I skip every poly story because there's only ever 2 of them. Either a group of gross weird people decide they all really want a poly lifestyle and it ends up imploding due to poly drama, or one person in a couple pushes hard to go poly and then regrets it.

I feel like anyone wanting to try being poly should have to read 100 of these stories before they do.

webmeister posted:

I mean, at 12, it's marginal, right?

Thundercloud posted:

I can't see this update, please link so we can bathe in the obliviousness.

limp_cheese posted:

Edit: I feel like there was a poly story a few threads ago where the relationship was the guy was the dom and he had 3 girls as subs. The subs got fed up with how things were going, unionized, and made him the sub. I think he was the one asking for advice because he dien't know what to do and wanted thinge back how they were. Everyone just laughed at him. Anyone remember that one?

quote:

We met online on Twitter at the end of 2016. And got into a relationship in March or April. Everything was going well until one day I saw another girl post his photo on Instagram with a caption that included 'counting our time forever'. And we had a very big fight on that but he ended up making me feel okay saying she's his friend and he helped her in something and that was her way of being appreciative so I let it go after a while.

Relationship got okay again and I was happy, it was still in my mind but not always. Then I saw her always retweeting his every single tweet, even the useless ones. I was already following her but I started to notice her tweets and realized she talks about my boyfriend like he's her boyfriend, without mentioning names. She'd tweet 'everyone here is crushing on my man' and I know her tweets are about him because the Twitter circle we're all in, alot of people there do have a crush on him, he's a very good looking guy.

One time he was near her city (they live in the same country and I live in the US with 10 hour time difference) and she tweeted that 'bae is here'. He was there with family I know because he showed me pictures and all. And she then tweeted it was the best day and she'd want to relive it. I talked about it with him and he told me he was with his grandma, which he told me even before the tweet.

We've had so many fights over her, broken up and said lovely things to each other. He doesn't let me talk to her because it would mean I don't trust him at all but that's not true, I do but I have doubts. And because of all this and his very busy schedule he deactivated his Twitter and Instagram. He now also says he doesn't have any contact with her. We talk every night on call and he tells me everything about his day and what's going on with his life. Which he doesn't usually do with anyone.

Everything again got better, it has been for a short while. Last night I saw her tweet 'when he calls me --' and that was something my boyfriend calls me. It's not an uncommon thing to call someone it's like baby but in our language. But it made me have all these doubts again and I don't know what to do. I love him so much and have been cheated on two times by different people before this I cannot handle it one more time. My life is lovely in every other way possible too. I'm completely losing myself I don't want to lose him too

I think I'm probably overthinking, I always do that so I'll be fine with any advice on this.

Tl;dr- my boyfriend of a year had/has this friend who's always tweeting about him and she makes it sound like he's her boyfriend. We've had fights/breakups over it but we worked it out. It happened again and I don't know how to bring it up I'm scared he'll leave

A Moose posted:

I think that was a troll post, I just googled "my subs have unionized" and found it https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/biu8oz/my_25m_subs_23f_26f_22m_28m_28m_have_unionized/

spacetoaster posted:

What even is poly? I dated more than one woman while in college. Was I poly?

limp_cheese posted:

drat, its been removed. I don't care if it was a troll, it was funny. What's that reddit thing again that allows you to find deleted posts?

quote:

I have been in a committed polyamorous dominant submissive relationship for the past three months. I’m the Dom and I have 5 subs, three men and 2 women. It’s been going great, it’s all consensual and everyone if having a good time. We do not live together, but we hang out at my apartment almost every day. It is not a purely sexual relationship either. We all share an emotional connection and it’s like any other relationship but poly and bdsm. Of course, as the dom, there are some rules. They need to call me master. No kissing anyone except for me. If i tell someone to do something, they do it (within bounds of course). The punishments depend on the person, some of my subs get whipped, some publicly humiliated. It all depends on what I agree on with each sub. We have safe words too, and we stop the roleplay whenever anyone says one. It seems weird to vanillas but this is what we enjoy and we like to be open about it. Everything has been great. At least I thought everything was going great. I woke up a couple days ago and told one of my subs to get me a cup of coffee. He didn’t do it. I told him that I was going to punish him (public humiliation which can be easily resisted) and he said that he wouldn’t do it. Now, if one of my subs acts like this I break it off with them so I threatened him that I would kick him out of the relationship. The other subs chimed in and said that if I kick him out, they all leave. That’s right; my submissives have unionized. They handed me a sheet of paper with a list of demands. The demands included (I’m not sharing all of them for their privacy), “Allow kissing between subs” and “Demands are to only be followed after 8 pm”. I tried to negotiate, but they were firm in their demands. I couldn’t punish them. My hands are tied, and I have no power anymore. I told them that I would think about it for a couple days. They haven’t left me yet, they still stay overnight, but this list of demands is lingering over our relationship and our sex life. They want to keep a dominant, and no one has stepped up to replace me. They thought about finding a new dom online but only if I don’t give into their demands. I want to negotiate because I don’t want to give up too much power. I offered “kissing subs only after 6 pm” and “follow demands after 1 pm”. I also offered following each demand separately but not both together. I really do have feelings for them, and they have feelings for me. But the power balance was shifted when they unionized and I don’t know what to do. The relationship isn’t as satisfying anymore and I don’t know if it will ever be. What should I do. Do I let them get a new dom and leave them? Or do I give into their demands and relinquish some of my power?

spacetoaster posted:

What even is poly?

spacetoaster posted:

What even is poly? I dated more than one woman while in college. Was I poly?

Alchenar posted:

Excellent twist at the end, as I was reading down I was steadily moving towards 'okay sounds like the BF really likes chess but is possibly taking it to a point where he is neglecting work/social responsibilities for chess and that would be an issue'.

Mr. Fall Down Terror posted:

poly is a lot of loving work to do correctly and without bruising anyone's feelings, so its really only suitable for relationship savants or people who place their romantic/sexual relationships as the main priority in their life and put in serious hours keeping everything balanced and equitable

i knew a couple people who were poly who went back to an unsatisfying monogamy because its simply too much work to constantly tend the free love fuckgarden to keep the rapidly growing weeds of drama at bay

Bruceski posted:

Carrying on "serious" (scare-quotes because that's a line everyone draws in different places, not because they aren't) relationships with multiple people at the same time without hiding them from each other. Sometimes it's one big couple, sometimes different people have their times alone with each other and the rest are fine with that, there's a lot of dynamics that can fit under that umbrella. Often fall apart because of all the reasons other relationships do as well as things like "just because you're not having sex with their other partner doesn't mean you don't have a relationship going on with them" or "confused being horny for being okay with it" though that one can be applied to a LOT of issues. And more people means more pairings for some dynamic to break down and more likely to get public when it does, so you usually hear about them when two people start screaming in a Starbucks or something.

Hughlander posted:

Mr. Fall Down Terror posted:

poly is a lot of loving work to do correctly and without bruising anyone's feelings, so its really only suitable for relationship savants or people who place their romantic/sexual relationships as the main priority in their life and put in serious hours keeping everything balanced and equitable

i knew a couple people who were poly who went back to an unsatisfying monogamy because its simply too much work to constantly tend the free love fuckgarden to keep the rapidly growing weeds of drama at bay

Bruceski posted:

Confiscating/destroying believed-fake IDs is only done in movies, and anyone who believes they have the authority in real life is going to end up in serious legal trouble if the ID turns out to be legit. Which doesn't stop idiots from thinking they can do so, and the proper alternative (contacting the police) has problems all its own.