|
I love how many people this thread killed Jim for
|
#
?
Dec 4, 2021 03:48
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 31, 2024 00:24 |
|
|
Jim tells Dwight that Little Orphan Annie implies the existence of a "Regular sized" Orphan Annie
|
|
#
?
Dec 4, 2021 03:57
|
|
|
Jim french kisses Dwight. As they kiss, Jim bites down on his poison tooth...
|
|
#
?
Dec 4, 2021 04:53
|
|
|
Dwight arrives to work first (as usual) and flips the switch to turn on the lights. "That's strange." Dwight clicks the switch repeatedly, but the lights don't come on. Something growls in the darkness. Dwight flinches back, stumbling over a trashcan. From the stairwell behind him, Dwight hears the squeal of doors slamming shut and chains rattling. The growl deepens. A large shadow moves between the desks.
|
|
#
?
Dec 4, 2021 17:23
|
|
|
Jim scrolls back to the beginning of Dwight's twitter feed from 2005. It takes all night but it's worth it when Jim finds tweets saying "I think my new coworker is retarded." Jim prints the tweet and takes it to Toby, who gleefully fills out a misconduct form and puts Dwight on a PIP and mandatory sensitivity training.
|
|
#
?
Dec 4, 2021 17:34
|
|
|
While Dwight is trying to work, Jim rummages loudly through a bag of spoons. Every few seconds he pulls out a spoon and examines it closely before shaking his head and tossing it over his shoulder where it lands with a loud clatter. Dwight resists asking for as long as he can, but eventually his curiosity and frustration boil over. "Jim, what are you doing?" asks Dwight, irritably. "Spoooooons!" says Jim, holding up a spoon. In the back, out of focus, Pam suppresses a giggle. "That doesn't answer my question," says Dwight. "I need to find the perfect spoon for my penguin!" proclaims Jim. "How else is he going to eat his cheese pie?" Dwight rolls his eyes. "What are you? Thirteen years old? Random humor hasn't been popular since 2003, and it wasn't even funny then." "Then you're not going to like what happens next," says Jim, smirking. "Why, what happens ne—" Dwight's question is cut off by a cow crashing down through the ceiling and landing anus first on Dwight's head, engulfing his entire body. "Moo!" exclaims the startled cow. Jim and Pam are in hysterics.
|
|
#
?
Dec 4, 2021 18:17
|
|
|
Jim tells Dwight, "You can pick your nose, and you can pick your friends, but you can't pick your friend's nose." As Dwight opens his mouth to reply, Jim jabs his finger up Dwight's nose and picks out a huge booger, which he subsequently flicks into Dwight's open mouth. In confessional, Jim says, "Dwight's not my friend."
|
|
#
?
Dec 5, 2021 11:18
|
|
|
Jim griefs Dwight in Star Citizen by trying to climb the ramp of Dwight's spaceship, causing the entire space station to explode.
|
|
#
?
Dec 5, 2021 17:00
|
|
|
Jim steals Dwight’s lunch from the fridge and eats in front of him, maintaining eye contact as he slowly chews and swallows each bite. Interested at first, the rest of the office turns away, disgusted, after noticing Jims visible erection.
|
|
#
?
Dec 5, 2021 21:00
|
|
|
Except for Michael.
|
|
#
?
Dec 5, 2021 21:03
|
|
|
Jim is participating in an international paper sales exchange program, to the relief of Dwight. He walks into Dunder Mifflin, and is thrilled to find his favorite actor sitting at the next desk. "Excuse me, I loved you in The Hobbit," says Dwight "Oi! What's that you're calling me? A Hobbit?" "You don't understand, I-" "If that don't bleedin' end all. I come all the way to america and my deskmate is a ponce. Please, just let me work." Dwight sits down, confused and embarrassed. Tim gets back to his typing. Across the ocean, in Slough, Jim smirks.
|
|
#
?
Dec 5, 2021 22:31
|
|
|
Dwight volunteers to spend a two month stage at Dunder Mifflin New Zealand. As he steps of the plane he can’t contain his excitement - he can visit where the Hobbit was filmed! - but as soon as he leaves the airport he’s bitten by a spider and dies. In a confessional, Jim reveals that he had nothing to do with Dwight’s death - he was planning on changing out of all Dwight’s shirts with slices of ham.
|
|
#
?
Dec 5, 2021 23:45
|
|
|
Dwight decides to prank Jim by recording himself putting a (fake, plastic) spider into Jim's coffee. Of course, since this is pretty gross, Dwight replaces the plastic infused coffee with some fresh coffee, and gives it to Jim. When Jim drinks from it, Dwight chuckles smugly and shows the video of him inserting the spider into Jim's coffee. Revolted, Jim spits out the coffee and starts trashing everything in the office enraged, and then he storms out the office, shouting "THIS WILL NOT STAND, DWIGHT YOU will regret this". A week later, Jim shows a video of himself and Angela loving on Dwight's beet fields. Dwight is distraught and leaves the office, humiliated. Jim mugs the camera and winks at Angela. Angela hides her face in shame, but inside, she smiles back. In the reception desk, Pam downs another shot of vodka.
|
|
#
?
Dec 6, 2021 01:03
|
|
|
Jim watches A History of Violence on TBS and gets an idea. The next morning when Jim sees Dwight pouring coffee, Jim grabs the coffee pot and smashes it across Dwight's face.
|
|
#
?
Dec 6, 2021 01:21
|
|
|
Dwight and Jim, during an unseemly downturn in paper products which causes the Scranton Branch to go On Pause, take up a winter job on Beetback Mountain and form a strange partnership. At home, Dwight becomes increasingly unraveled as his daily life pales to the pleasures of living away from society. Jim experiences a favorable turn when he realizes he can pretend to be anything and uses that to gain people's confidence. Jim can only achieve pleasure if he rubs beets across Pam and roughly penetrates her @n**.
|
|
#
?
Dec 6, 2021 01:35
|
|
|
Jim eat Dwight become GIANT 
|
|
#
?
Dec 6, 2021 01:42
|
|
|
Jim runs out of ideas for new pranks, so he clones himself and commits suicide. His clone resumes pranking Dwight, savoring the pleasure of new pranks as he repeats a list of his classic greatest hits
|
|
#
?
Dec 6, 2021 01:51
|
|
|
Jim overturns Roe v. Wade, winning Angela's favor by accomplishing for her what Dwight never could.
|
|
#
?
Dec 6, 2021 02:17
|
|
|
Space Kablooey posted:Dwight decides to prank Jim by recording himself putting a (fake, plastic) spider into Jim's coffee. Of course, since this is pretty gross, Dwight replaces the plastic infused coffee with some fresh coffee, and gives it to Jim. When Jim drinks from it, Dwight chuckles smugly and shows the video of him inserting the spider into Jim's coffee. Revolted, Jim spits out the coffee and starts trashing everything in the office enraged, and then he storms out the office, shouting "THIS WILL NOT STAND, DWIGHT YOU will regret this". Pam pranks Dwight by beginning a lesbian tryst with his wife, Angela. The two elope to South America, far far away from their dreadful lives and husbands. "Boy, Pam got you pretty good, huh. hehe." Says Jim to Dwight. A tired Dwight looks up at Jim. Sympathetically, morosely, he replies, "Pam left too, Jim. She's not going to come back. Don't you miss her? Don't you miss your children?" "Sucks to be you, Dwight. Hehe." Dwight stares for a thousand years, and then applies to some new jobs.
|
|
#
?
Dec 6, 2021 02:41
|
|
|
Jim comes in to work with a soundboard strapped to his chest. When Dwight sits down to his desk, several rubber spiders fall from the ceiling and land on his lap. The rest of the office collectively sighs, groans, and shake their heads. Jim presses a button on his soundboard and loudly plays a sound file of a crowd cheering and laughing. It goes on for at least 30 seconds. "Gee Dwight, I always thought you were buggy!" This is followed by another round of thunderous applause and manic laughter from the soundboard. Dwight rolls his eyes and resumes his work. Phyllis leans over and says, "Jim, I'm not going to listen to that all day." Jim freezes for a minute, then presses a button, emitting a chorus of "UH OHHH" audience reaction. "I guess you...uh...must be feeling sick because laughter is the best medicine!" The rest of the office stare, then groan again and appear visibly pissed at this response. Jim presses the first button again, generating another 30 seconds of raucous applause. "SHUT THE gently caress UP JIM" yells Kevin. Jim fumbles on the soundboard and accidentally plays a sound file of an old timey horn: AHOOOGAH. He starts to panic. "Uh...uh...talk about being horny!" followed by another press of the audiencecheer1.mp3 button. Oscar, Andy, and Creed all stand up, glowering at Jim. "Jim, if you don't turn that off and shut the gently caress up, I'm going to jam that soundboard up your god drat rear end!" This came from Stanley, who was suddenly standing behind Jim. Jim jumps in surprise, then quickly presses a button, generating a long fart sound. "Jeez Stanley, you scared the poo poo outta me!" Jim reaches for the applause button, but Stanley grabs his wrist while Oscar, Andy and Creed move in. The four men proceed to beat the poo poo out of Jim. After a few horrific, savage minutes, Jim is left a crumpled heap on the ground, coughing out teeth and weakly grasping for the just-out-of-reach soundboard. But he can't touch it, and he can't move. Pam slowly walks to him, bends over, and presses a button. The room is filled with the sound of sadtrombone.mp3. Shuddering, and struggling to breathe, Jim croaks out "wait till the brass hears about this!"
|
|
#
?
Dec 6, 2021 04:19
|
|
|
Jim convinced Michael to establish the Scott’s Tots scholarship fund years ago. Ten years later, it crashes and burns when Michael is unable to pay for the education of the kids he’d promised to help. The debacle makes a moderate buzz on local news, and completely overruns the small press that Dwight would have gotten for his own scholarship, which he set up twelve years prior and managed to grow into a sizable foundation. Jim googles “Scranton Scholarship” and the only results are about Scotts Tots. He mugs the webcam, although the only person watching him is a bored FBI agent who’s been assigned to watch the third most dangerous man in the country.
|
|
#
?
Dec 6, 2021 06:24
|
|
|
Dwight sees an ad in the paper, looking for new members in the "Battlestar Galactica and Mustard Shirt League". Dwight leaps on the opportunity, especially when he sees that all members receive a $400 per week stipend to "promote" the league. Dwight heads to the meeting place, eager to join with fellow like-minded individuals. There are a few dozen people, and Dwight listens in as they are summarily rejected from membership in the league. Nervous, Dwight finally reaches the front of the line, where a disheveled looking man in a mustard yellow t-shirt, thick glasses, and a giant bushy beard is sitting. The strange figure asks Dwight for his name and occupation, then quickly jots something down in a notebook. The man then looks up, tells Dwight he's accepted, and hands him a letter. The letter details Dwight's duties as a member of the league, including promoting league activities and various bits of clerical work. His first job shift starts that next day, and Dwight shows up early with an eager smile on his face. "Excuse me, I know I'm getting paid $400 a week, but can you just directly send that to a charity of my choosing to speed things up?" Dwight asks the receptionist, who doesn't respond. "I'm sorry, do you need me to sign? I know ASL if you're hard of hearing, that was presumptuous of me to just start talking. I'm just a little nervous - it's my first day!" No reaction from the receptionist and Dwight quickly realizes she's not moving. He moves closer to attempt medical assistant, but discovers to his horror that she's a mannequin. Realizing this is some kind of prank, Dwight heads for the front door, which is now locked. It takes Dwight several hours, but he's finally able to escape from the barricaded office. His tires have been slashed and his cell phone was confiscated before he started working, so Dwight has to hitchhike back to Schrute Farms. By the time he returns home, it's dark out and Dwight realizes something may have gone terribly wrong. Rushing inside, he discovers that his refrigerator door has been left open. A note is left on the door, held by a smiley face magnet. "GOTCHA DWIGHT! WHO COULD EVER LIKE MUSTARD SHIRTS AND BATTLESTAR GALACTICA?" There's a crude drawing of a face scrawled on the note, and Dwight thinks it may be mugging at him.
|
|
#
?
Dec 6, 2021 14:16
|
|
|
Once upon a time, in a faraway land, a young beet farmer lived in a shining farmhouse. Although he had everything his heart desired, the farmer was generous, empathetic, and kind. But then, one winter's night, an old beggar woman came to the farm and offered him a single rose in return for shelter from the bitter cold. Touched by her plight, the farmer accepted the gift and welcome the old woman in, but she warned him not to be deceived by appearances, for beauty is found within. And when he began to cook dinner for her, the old woman's ugliness melted away to reveal Jim. The farmer tried to apologize, but it was too late, for Jim had seen that there was love in Dwight's heart, and as punishment, he transformed Dwight into a hideous beast, and placed a powerful spell on the farmhouse, and all who lived there. Ashamed of his monstrous form, the beast concealed himself inside his castle, with a magic mirror as his only window to the outside world. The rose Jim had offered was truly an enchanted rose, which would bloom until Dwight's fifty-first year. If he could learn to love another, and earn their love in return by the time the last petal fell, then the spell would be broken. If not, he would be doomed to remain a beast for all time. Dwight immediately breaks the spell but Mose remains as a talking footstool for some reason. When Dwight confronts Jim at the office about this, Jim just kind of wanders away and mutters to himself. HR is useless in this matter as well, arguing that it's a "personal matter" and that Jim's pranking has nothing to do with Dunder Mifflin's office environment. When Dwight demands that they "watch the drat documentary if they need some proof", they hang up on him.
|
|
#
?
Dec 6, 2021 14:38
|
|
|
Dwight arrives for his routine check up at his dentist (Dr. Crentist) a prompt fifteen minutes early. His jaw has been hurting for a few weeks, ever since Jim arranged for a Rube Goldberg machine that started when Dwight sat on a woopie cushion hidden in his office chair, and ended with a spring activated boxing glove smashing into Dwight’s face. He’s afraid he might have chipped a tooth. Due to Dunder Mifflin’s increasing cost savings, Dwight has new insurance (again) and it mostly won’t cover the visit. As he sits down in the dentists chair, the attendant looks somewhat familiar. The hair is floppy, and although he can’t be sure, Dwight feels like he sees a smirk under the mask. Regardless, he leans back as the attendant sees up the X-ray machine, and closes his eyes. Jim points the X-ray machine directly at Dwight’s groin, then runs out of the room and mashes the button hundreds of times, rendering Dwight sterile.
|
|
#
?
Dec 6, 2021 14:39
|
|
|
Jim refuses to wear a mask around the office, in violation of Scranton local health protocols, because it “causes a build up of CO2,” but really just because it makes it harder for him to smirk at the camera.
|
|
#
?
Dec 6, 2021 14:42
|
|
|
Jim is gone from the office for several weeks, and when Dwight asks Pam what's going on, she just replies "Sorry, can't violate Jim's HIPPA. And that's spelled H I P P A by the way." Dwight considers addressing the many issues here, but ignores it. That night, Dwight sees that Jim has posted on facebook. "I want to take a minute and Thank my very amazing and beautiful wife. Thank God she and the kids weren't effected like I was by the "COVID". Yup finally got us. Glad to get it over with and finally have some #naturalimmunity. Now to finish quarantining and get some Christmas cheer in this house! No thanks to Dwight Schrute, who got the "abjay" and infected me, I'm sure of it! I'm around him all day and did you know the "vaccine" doesn't actually prevent transmission!" Dwight scrolls back a little bit earlier. Jim going Black Friday shopping maskless. Jim at a packed restaurant for Thanksgiving. Jim at the "Mouth Spitting Competition". Jim on an airplane with the caption "I snuck my mask off right away LOL". Dwight logs off and finally deletes Facebook, now Jim's smug profile picture will never haunt him again.
|
|
#
?
Dec 6, 2021 14:51
|
|
|
Jim wears a mesh mask, just so he can both smirk at people and still say he is wearing a mask.
|
|
#
?
Dec 6, 2021 14:59
|
|
|
"Hey Dwight, who you gonna vote in the Senate race?" says Jim, a sly grin forming on his face. Tomato sauce stains his cheeks even though, as far as Dwight's aware, he hasn't eaten anything with sauce on it. It's also 9:31 a.m. Dwight tells Jim that it's none of his business, but he's supporting the candidate that "best aligns with my values and vision of the future." Jim looks baffled, then smiles and makes a clicking noise with his tongue before going back to work. A few minutes of silence pass. "So it's my guy then, right?" Dwight says that depends on who Jim's guy is. "Dr. Oz. You know, from Oprah. Plus he ran that city, you know, the emerald one. And I heard he did a really good job. And he and I really see eye-to-eye on a lot of medical stuff, so you know he's smart." Dwight asks Jim what political views Dr. Oz has that Jim believes in, and Jim just stares into space for a moment. "Anyway, that's my guy and I hope you vote for him. Because I swear to GOD if we get another socialist communist I'm going to move out of this hellhole leftist nightmare state!" Jim goes back to "work" and Dwight realizes he's just been typing "lol Jim lol Dwight" again and again all morning. Jim now opens up internet explorer and navigates to Dr. Oz's website. Dwight asks Jim if he's using Dr. Oz's tooth whitening plan, which was to rub baking soda and lemon juice all over your teeth. "I sure am!" says Jim, flashing his teeth. All of the enamel has been eaten away, leaving his teeth ripe for infection. Even at a cursory glance, Dwight can see dozens of cavities on the yellowing nubs that are Jim's teeth. Dwight donates an additional $5 to John Fetterman's campaign.
|
|
#
?
Dec 6, 2021 19:25
|
|
|
Creed slips acid into everyone's coffee.
|
|
#
?
Dec 6, 2021 20:39
|
|
|
Dwight has been feeling down lately. Maybe it's a midlife crisis thing, or maybe it's the recent onslaught of "just die already" pranks that Jim had been bombarding him with. He begins wondering what his legacy will be and if he's left a positive influence on the world. He confides this to Angela, who responds, "that's ridiculous, Dwight! You're helped so many. Why, you've been giving to that local charity for how long?" "About 15 years." "Yeah! Fifteen years! You can't tell me that hasn't made a difference! Tell you what, Dwight...why don't you call them? Ask for a tour, or whatever...let them show you how much of a difference you've made!" Dwight finds this concept somewhat off-putting and indulgent, but slowly realizes that seeing the benefits of his donations would gratify him somewhat. He begins to question the nature of altruism, but decides to table that thought for later. At lunch, he dials the number to the charity. After the seventh ring, an annoyed, yet somewhat familiar voice answers: "What??" Dwight is startled but recovers and says, "Uh, yeah. Hi. Is this the Scranton United Fund?" After a few seconds of frantic paper shuffling, the voice returns, only this time the speaker is apparently pinching his nose, generating a nasal quality to his words. "Uhhhh uhhhh...oui oui monsieur, you have found ze Scranton Fund hotline! How may I assist you??" Dwight's blood turns to ice. "Yes. My name is Dwight Schrute. I am a contributer to the Fund. I was wondering if I may stop by today and tour the facilities? I'd like to see how the fund helps the community." "Oh, hon hon hon, you are a most generous donor! Over the years, you have funded many, many pran---uh, services for the community! But we are closing soon. Sorry." "No matter," Dwight replies. "I can come tomorrow. Your office still on main street? Of course it is, that's where I send my check every month." "Uhhh..oui! But of course you can come tomorrow, and visit the office! We look forward to seeing you !" Dwight abruptly hangs up the phone and looks out the breakdown door. He sees Jim frantically grab his coat and rush out of the office. Dwight starts rubbing his temples.
|
|
#
?
Dec 6, 2021 22:56
|
|
|
Pathetic Jim hasn’t been able to afford very elaborate pranks lately, since most of his paycheck goes to child support and installment payments for various lawsuits he owes to the many victims of past pranks. Mainly he’s been relying on making paper footballs or little paper clip chains and throwing them at Dwight. Cosmic Jim views this timeline with contempt. These pranks are not worthy of the name “Jim.” Cosmic Jim alters the flow of time and space. “Jim” is now an Asian-American dressed in a mustard yellow shirt who can send faxes back in time to himself. The new Jim uses this power to send himself synopsis’s from next week’s episode of Battlestar Galactica, which he posts to a local message board. Jim is pleased to gain a reputation as an infallible source for BSG spoilers among the fandom. This also has the unintentional consequence of ruining the show for Dwight, who can’t help himself from reading these spoilers even though he loves to be surprised by plot twists. Cosmic Jim is pleased.
|
|
#
?
Dec 7, 2021 01:22
|
|
|
Jim has transformed himself into a pickle. He's Pickle Jim!
|
|
#
?
Dec 7, 2021 06:03
|
|
|
Jim chugs an entire gallon of milk to induce himself to vomit into Dwight's clean laundry hamper, but he's already done the "milk vomit" prank so many times he finds chugging an entire gallon of milk no longer causes him to vomit! With tears in his eyes and trembling hands, Jim unscrews the cap of a second gallon...
|
|
#
?
Dec 7, 2021 12:26
|
|
|
Dwight picks up playing the mandolin, in a classical style, and eventually gets quite decent at it, he thinks. In actuality, he's pretty near perfect, he's very talented, just too modest to notice. One evening there's an open mic night at a local shin dig. Kind of an out of the way place, cheap beer and wings, peanuts on the floor, but not TOO rough and tumble kinda flop house, and Dwight decides to go for it. He steps uneasily to the stage, but begins to strum and feels the eyes of the crowd turn to him as they recognize the chords to 'Blowin' In The Wind', one of his favorites. Slowly he stretches towards the mic... "How many fields must a Schrute do plow Before he can grow you a beet-" "ONE YOU JACKASS!" screams a shaggy haired loafer in the back, shattering the experience. Dwight never plays his mandolin again. Jim mugs to the angel of death many years hence.
|
|
#
?
Dec 7, 2021 12:50
|
|
|
Jim makes a donation to PETA in Dwight's name. Angered by the clash between his own values and that of the chosen charity, Dwight is frustrated that countering the move would be considered a faux pas given its overall generous nature. Dwight grumbles.
|
|
#
?
Dec 7, 2021 14:58
|
|
|
Jim travels to Somalia and adopts the persona of Jim’Halpe, an international ideological terrorist. He is captured and extrajudicially extradited to Guantanamo Bay, where Jim is waterboarded for years. The prank is that Dwight disagrees philosophically with these extreme measures, but feels morally compromised that part of him is fine with it happening to Jim. Dwight donates another $100 to the ACLU, but still fees uneasy. In a concrete prison thousands of miles away, between water boarding sessions, Jim mugs the interrogation camera (but the footage is deleted before Congress can access it)
|
|
#
?
Dec 7, 2021 15:15
|
|
|
Jim discovers a new website, Wikiprank, dedicated to the best pranks of all time. He quickly ingratiates himself to the prankster community and becomes one of the most well-respected members of the website, gaining full ability to add and end articles as he sees fit. Jim eventually quits Dunder Mifflin in order to "moderate full-time", despite the fact that the website pays him nothing and he was already doing that at Dunder Mifflin anyway. One night, Jim is chatting with several fellow pranksters and editing an article on Crank Yankers when Pam walks into the darkened living room. "Jim. We seriously need to talk. I tolerate a lot in this relationship. I basically raise the kids myself, I handle all the chores, and now I'm the one who pays the bills. I was fine with this for a long time, but something has gone terribly wrong lately. All you do is work on that website. You barely sleep, you don't eat. The kids are scared of you, Jim. I'm scared of you." Jim, pale and gaunt, illuminated by the light of his laptop, turns around. Drool is caked around his dry lips and his bloodshot eyes focus on Pam like a predator sizing up its prey. "I'm a moderator, Pam. Do you know how much pressure that is? I don't give a poo poo about you or the kids when PrankBoy16 is trying to edit an article about John Wilkes Boothe. Is he a prankster? Do you understand the debates we wage on this site? The very FABRIC of society is at risk here, and I'm the last line of defense, baby!" Pam, in tears, runs upstairs and cries herself to sleep. Jim spends the rest of the night into the morning on the computer. Pam wakes up to go to work and finds Jim slumped over at his chair, an article about Emus open on his laptop. Thousands of comments are flying back and forth, with Jim arguing that Emus are "a prank on ostriches". Pam leaves the house in disgust without waking Jim. After work, Pam returns home to find Jim still on the computer. The house smells, the kids are running wild, and Jim appears to have not moved from his spot. "Jim, we need to see a therapist right now. The pranks against Dwight were funny, but something has gone wrong. Very wrong." Jim is so malnourished he can barely move, his floppy hair hangs limply over his skeletal face. He mugs at Pam and an obvious flash of pain shows in his dull eyes. "I met someone, Pam, someone wonderful. Someone who understand my pranks." A figure in a black trench coat and hat steps forward, his face hidden behind large dark sunglasses. He grabs Pam's shoulders and lifts her off of her feet. For Pam, a strange moment of deja vu hits her. This all feels strangely familiar. Something like this happened once before, years ago. At a karate studio. "Jim? How is this -" She's cut off as the mysterious figure lowers his head. His sunglasses slide down his nose, revealing dark pits where his eyes should be. Pam can't help herself and looks deeply into those pits. "So... pretty... it's forever in there... and we're so happy." The figure drops Pam on the ground. She lays there, oblivious to the world. The figure pushes his sunglasses back up to cover the dark vortexes. Jim lets out a weak laugh. "Heh heh. Talk about eyes being the window to the soul, right? This guy knows what I mean." Jim barely nods towards the figure, his skeletal body barely able to lift itself. "Now then, you said something about a League of Jims?" The trenchcoated figure silently lifts up Pam and tosses her into Philip's bedroom. The kids, already terrified, begin to scream. Emotionless, the brute locks all three inside the room and walks back downstairs, scooping up this world's Jim in his powerful arms. "Am I going to matter? Things haven't been so good for me lately, I just need to feel like I matter. You understand that, right?" "Of course," comes a gruff voice. "We all want to be important. We all have a role to play. The ultimate prank is coming. I can hear the great gears turning behind the curtain we call reality. They're getting louder and louder every day." "I hear them, too. It reminds me of that nutcracker I got Dwight for Christmas." "The First Jim awaits. The trunk from which we have all sprung. He has been toiling in secret for so long." "Dwight's gonna FLIP!" The two Jims, one carrying the other, walk onto the sidewalk outside the Halpert house. A cloud of fog, unusual to see this time of year, rolls in around them. When the fog rolls away, they are gone. When the police eventually break into the house hours later, Pam is found incoherent, muttering about "all the Jims". Dwight, miles away, is attempting to hang up a painting. "Hey, Angela, does this look crooked to you?" "It definitely does, D. Something wrong? You always get this perfect on the first try, it's like your superpower or something." Dwight feels uneasy for the rest of the day as the Jims begin to gather in the darkened corners of the multiverse.
|
|
#
?
Dec 7, 2021 16:20
|
|
|
Jim climbs on Dwight's roof and leaves footprints, then tells Dwight "Santa must have been scouting your house early."
|
|
#
?
Dec 7, 2021 16:21
|
|
|
jim climbs on dwight's roof and shits down his chimney
|
|
#
?
Dec 7, 2021 16:24
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 31, 2024 00:24 |
|
|
Dwight has been working out lately and talking about his much he can bench. Jim says "I bet you can't carry me " Dwight says "I could absolutely carry you!" Jim laughs "You didn't let me finish, dipshit. I bet you couldn't carry me, to term!" Dwight starts to ask what Jim means, but Jim disappears and Dwight suddenly feels his belly expand. He's pregnant, with Jim. Jim wins the bet as Dwight immediately goes to an abortion clinic and terminates the pregnancy. In limbo, since he is unbaptized, the fetal Jim smirks.
|
|
#
?
Dec 7, 2021 16:45
|
|