Mr. Grapes! posted:

Mine? We started going out when we were teenagers, and then decided to open things up in our early 20s. We don't have kids. We're not really Poly though, more swingers I guess? We've had zero problems with it but I think that's because we spent awhile talking about it before trying it, and we absolutely did not have anyone specifically 'in mind' for when we opened up. The only issues we ever really had was in the beginning, where my girlfriend would go overboard on comparing the girls we were hooking up with to herself, and torturing herself over whether she was inferior because New Girl was thinner/longer hair/bigger boobs/smaller boobs whatever. She quickly realised I wasn't going to leave her for any of these women and that the particular body type didn't matter to me at all, I was just happy to be there! We also do not preach - the only people that really know that we're open are our closest friends. I always cringe when I see people posting pro-poly screeds on Facebook or whatever.

I've seen most of them crash and burn because one or the other partner has a crush on someone and they go the non-monogamy route as just a crutch for the cheating they're hoping to do.

Our roommates (who had been in a relationship for like 8 years) asked us for our tips on how we did it successfully, and then did the opposite of every single bit of advice we gave them. They each just had some 'alternate' that they were hoping to bang, and then crashed and burned like a month into it.

To be fair though we only know one other couple in Real Life who managed to do something like this without it becoming a ridiculous disaster. It is almost always that one partner is wayyyyy more into the idea than the other and then it is doomed from the start. The kind of people who are already jealous/suspicious are hosed because it is only gonna make that stuff worse.

Evil Willow posted:

Agents are GO! posted:

What about the sound of an intake of breath to say "Cram it!"?

quote:

My boyfriend and I broke up (his choice) for a couple months after an argument. This isn’t the first time he decided to breakup because of a fight. He will breakup and then come back in a few days wanting to fix things. The most recent time, I had it. I was sick of being tossed away over a fight. I didn’t want to fix things. We were broken up for 2 months. We have been “back together” for like 3 weeks now. Last week at the gym, there was a guy I was talking to on Facebook while we were broken up who was there. We have never met in real life, but both recognized each other. My boyfriend saw that he was looking at me and shook his head at my boyfriend. I was honest with him right away. I told him I was messaging this person but never exchanged numbers and didn’t know him in real life. My boyfriend is livid. He says I’m sneaky. He says I made a fool of him. I made him look like a clown. I hurt him. I don’t even know what to do or say here but he’s not speaking to me and I feel like once again we are at risk of breaking up. I truly don’t feel like I’m wrong here. I never thought we would end up together again. I never met up with this guy. I was honest with my bf. I’m losing my mind here. Am I as terrible as he is making me feel?? I don’t know what to do to make this right. He’s making me feel extremely guilty. As though I cannot be trusted and I’m just a betrayer.

Mx. posted:

He’s angry about what I did while we were broken up.

your bf is a clown, and you are a clown for getting back with him

Mx. posted:

He’s angry about what I did while we were broken up.

your bf is a clown, and you are a clown for getting back with him

Barudak posted:

Here lies a name too long for this gravestone but not long enough to commemorate

Blastedhellscape posted:

I had no idea until I started reading this thread that there were so many families that exclude people from family gatherings until they 'marry in.' What the hell? In my family whenever we had a dinner party people you were dating or just whatever friends you wanted to invite were always welcome. The more the merrier and all that.

I also had no idea that in this day and age there are still so many pathetic men who refuse to even help with cooking.

wizardofloneliness posted:

He says he and his family are from the South, so I seriously doubt he's anything other than white. "But his name will be too long!" is just him grasping at straws. Unless they're planning on giving their son five middle names, then no, it won't be too long.

the holy poopacy posted:

Man, with a name like that you have to go out and make a ton of money so that you can donate enough to a hospital to get your name on something. I don't know if I could handle the pressure myself.

Batterypowered7 posted:

I'm Hispanic, so I've got two last names. I wanted our son to have both of our last names and my wife wanted her last name to come first. I didn't care, so that was a non-issue. What didn't work out was that I wanted him to have two separate last names so that he could just fill out forms with his first one, like I do. Instead, my wife put a damned hyphen in there. I hate the way it looks on paper and now the kid's gotta hope that name forms accommodate sixteen characters, one being a hyphen.

E:

Honestly, more than whatever issue with forms he might have, the whole hyphen thing feels a little Gringo to me. It sounds silly, but I was hoping to do something a little more traditionally Hispanic, but with a twist (with her last name coming first).

Bruceski posted:

The Burns-Ward Cancer Clinic

quote:

My (28f) fiancé (29m) used to have a female friend who is what we'd stereotypically the "chill girl". From day one she hated my guts and tried to sabotage our relationship, she always begged for my fiancé's attention,she felt entitled to be invited to our romantic dates, she was always very touchy with my fiancé to the point she would make him feel uncomfortable as well and what broke the camel's back was when she tried to get my fiancé to cheat on me with her which ended up with my fiancé going nc with her and blocking her everywhere. My fiancé always tried to establish boundaries with her and she wouldn't care. All of that happened in a short amount of time, the first 6 months of our relationship, then she was out of our lives.

Let's name her Mary for the post. Mary is same age as me btw. Mary also liked to wear revealing clothes as I do too. I even get comments that now that I will get married ill have to dress more modestly. I simply laugh at people's faces when they tell me that and move on. I mentioned Mary wearing revealing clothing because my BIL used to slut shame Mary a lot, I never liked her but I didn't appreciate the slut shaming comments at all. BIL would always speak the worst about Mary and he barely knew her, my fiancé and I were actually hurt and disrespected by Mary and even we didn't speak that harshly about her.

4 years later, my fiancé proposed and we are planning our wedding. Recently we found out BIL is buddies with Mary which came to our surprise. Also BIL doesn't have a good relationship to my fiancé so we went LC with him so he wouldn't be able to provide gossip about us towards Mary. Considering how much BIL hated Mary we were shocked they were friends. Later they made their relationship public and we were even more shocked. We couldn't intervene with his personal life but we didn't like what was happening, my BIL who dislikes his own brother, my fiancé, dating the girl who tried to sabotage our relationship, the girl he used to hate was very suspicious.

Since they became public BIL insists to bring Mary as his plus one but both my fiancé and I insist no. Mary hurt us very much and tried to sabotage our relationship and we wouldn't want this person on our wedding. That broke out some fights and arguments and my MIL and FIL are mad at us that we won't invite Mary. Now they're all threatening to boycott our wedding unless we suck it up and invite Mary so my BIL can have his girflrriend next to him.

We don't know what we should do to calm everyone down and try to see things rationally but my fiancé and I are pretty hurt that my in laws would value Mary over their own son's wedding.

the holy poopacy posted:

Man, with a name like that you have to go out and make a ton of money so that you can donate enough to a hospital to get your name on something. I don't know if I could handle the pressure myself.

quote:

First off: I am not joking. I wish I was joking.

I've been with my wonderful boyfriend Greg for over 4 years now, and this Christmas was our third spent together. He's so much fun to be around, handsome, charming, and our sex life is great. Except for one small problem.

Every year now starting in December he starts referring to his cum as "Greggnog." When I first heard him say this, it was in the context of a joke, so I laughed, and then I forgot about it. A few days after this, we're exchanging some spicy texts before he gets home from work he says to me, in all seriousness, "I can't wait to pour Greggnog all over your face." I could not believe he just said that to me, but I didn't know what else to do at the time but go along with it.

Fast forward to this December. This phrase re-enters his vocabulary at the same time every year. It makes me cringe beyond belief, but until this year he used it sparingly enough for me to just be able to laugh and say "shut the gently caress up."

I'm sure that 2020 has done at least some irreparable psychic damage to all people, but unfortunately, for my boyfriend, this has manifested in the form of him referring to his cum as "Greggnog" non-stop. This month he has been using the term almost exclusively, in all contexts, and it is driving me batshit insane. I sat him down to talk last week, and I asked him very clearly and directly to stop. At the time, he said he would, and it did slow down for a few days, but it is now four days after Christmas and he's back at it again with no end in sight.

He absolutely means the world to me, and I saw myself spending the rest of my life with him, but I have serious doubts now whether or not I can if every Christmas is going to be like this. So please, reddit, what do I do to make this stop for good?

quote:

My girlfriend broke up with me right before thanksgiving because I did a really dumb thing. She disappeared off the face of the earth but last week she contacted me asking if she could come get some baby pictures that I had of hers that I was going to transfer to digital.

I had not spoken with her since the night of the break up so I begged her to at least talk with me and she said that no, she only wanted the pictures and her dad and brother would be with her. Well on Monday when she was supposed to come only her dad and brother were there and I gave them the pictures. It was so sad because I am so desperate for closure after the break up.

I noticed right after the left that the AirTag I bought for my wallet was missing. I figured it was no big deal and I would find it eventually. Well Like yesterday I got a text from my girlfriend saying that she had found the AirTag in the box of stuff and she was contacting a lawyer and the police. She then blocked me again.

I think she is staying at her parents house so I think I should go over and try and talk with her and explain that even though I may not have been a great boyfriend I’m not a psycho and would never do that. I just feel like we really need to clear the aid because I’m not a bad person. How should I go about doing this?

Evil Willow posted:

Closet dude is back at it!

I (22m) accidentally left an AirTag in a box of my girlfriends (22f) stuff. She is accusing me of stalking her when it was an accident. How do I explain this to her without seeming more guilty?

cumshitter posted:

AITA turning the oven off while cooking thanksgiving dinner after my husband kept shouting orders at me?

WoodrowSkillson posted:

its a special kind of people that can truly pull it off, more power to them and you.

Evil Willow posted:

Closet dude is back at it!

I (22m) accidentally left an AirTag in a box of my girlfriends (22f) stuff. She is accusing me of stalking her when it was an accident. How do I explain this to her without seeming more guilty?

the holy poopacy posted:

good news

Update- My husband tried to close our accounts and kick myself and the kids out of our house.

I think this story & update have shown up in these threads before, although it's hard to say since there are going to be plenty of stories just like it

Evil Willow posted:

Closet dude is back at it!

I (22m) accidentally left an AirTag in a box of my girlfriends (22f) stuff. She is accusing me of stalking her when it was an accident. How do I explain this to her without seeming more guilty?

mllaneza posted:

In the movie version, Liam Neeson plays the FIL who says "I'll fix this" and disappears until their joint funds mysteriously reappear.

Blastedhellscape posted:

He 'accidentally' put a tracking device in his ex-girlfriend's stuff. Yeah. Right.

Pleads posted:

Also lol he "thinks" he knows where she's staying.

ArbitraryC posted:

This whole post is awful and stress inducing but the part I just can't get over is that its thanksgiving dinner he's pulling this on, turkeys take literal hours to cook and they're done when they're at temp, how exactly is anyone supposed to hurry that up? You could bake at a higher temp I guess but that's just going to make it dry. P much the second the bird goes in the oven you have your time on when the food is going to be ready and the only way to move that time up is a time machine where you started cooking the bird earlier.

deety posted:

In the comments, Closet Guy says that going to her parents' house wouldn't count as stalking her because he only thinks that she's staying there, he doesn't know for sure. (Which completely ignores the fact that he drat well does know thanks to the airtag.)

Also, apparently his therapist is also telling him to leave this girl alone, but it's a new therapist and OP hasn't really had a chance to fully explain the whole backstory of why he should be allowed to stalk her.

WoodrowSkillson posted:

My (24F) Boyfriend (27M) will not stop calling his cum "Greggnog" During Christmas time
he says to me, in all seriousness, "I can't wait to pour Greggnog all over your face."

Silly Newbie posted:

Is that verified the same "hid in the closet and then proceeded to escalate to "as weird as humanly possible" guy?

I propose and support a federal program to create an Endowment for WTF, wherein the government pays for trained personnel to sit people like this down on a reasonably comfortable loveseat and shout "YO WHAT THE gently caress" in these people's faces until they acquire the smallest amount of introspection and empathy. They will not be allowed to leave the loveseat, but meals and sanitary facilities will be provided in place, and they aren't allowed to sleep for more than four hours at a time.

quote:

My ex and I were together for 6 years from middle school until freshmen in college and then we went our separate ways. I met my wife a year and a half later, a year after that we got married and now have two children together. I’ve just about accepted that I’ll never not have love in my heart for my ex, but I haven’t seen or spoken to her in about 4 years.

Anyways. My wife and I went to a bar with a group of friends a few weeks ago. I guess my ex was in town for Thanksgiving and happened to show up. It was like something out of a movie. I was already quite drunk but when she walked in the door, it’s like time slowed down, the lights shone directly on her, and the whole room got quiet. It lasted a moment or so, and then all of the emotions came to all at once and I just puked into the trash can we were standing by.

I think my ex made eye contact with me but in my drunken stupor I honestly couldn’t say. We made out exit rather quickly and I haven’t heard from her so I’m not entirely sure. What I do know is that my wife saw her, knows my story with her, and made the connection between her walking in, me dazing off, and immediately vomiting. I know this because she was cold as ice following that encounter and still is.

Please help. I don’t really know what I’m asking for honestly but I’m at my wits end with this situation. My wife is not mature enough to sit down and have a discussion about it so I really don’t know how to move forward here.

Tl;dr: ex walked into a bar, I puked in front of my wife, wife made the connection and is upset.

MarcusSA posted:

I (26M) ran into my ex in a bar, while standing next to my wife (24F) and immediately puked.

welcome to hell posted:

https://twitter.com/AtomAtkinson/status/1468799076242182144
also he's a nazi

Brawnfire posted:

Yeah, that's stupid. My parents used to get all high and mighty about it like "taste it before you decide it needs salt/soy sauce" and I'm like it always does, everybody's food is bland as gently caress, I know what I like

Chili oil and furikake don't cover anything, they add nice layers of sensation. just gently caress off dude

welcome to hell posted:

https://twitter.com/AtomAtkinson/status/1468799076242182144
also he's a nazi

Zulily Zoetrope posted:

I can’t speak for anyone else, but personally I cook for people in order for them to have an enjoyable meal. If they require a pound of salt or bottle of sriracha or whatever to do it, that’s their business. I get it wounding your pride or feeling like an insult; I used to feel that way, but at some point I realized that cooking for friends/family isn’t some kind of competition you’re trying to win. What matters is people having a good meal.

E: yeah, that