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Jack-Off Lantern posted:Mose ISNT a dog??? mose is a dog
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Dec 21, 2021 16:34
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Jim's brother Radish crash lands on Dwight's beet farm. He's here to find out why Jim hasn't conquered the planet yet, the reason he was sent here as a child. He kidnaps Cici and tells Jim to join him in an hour or perish with the rest of the world. Dwight doesn't like Jim but will help him fight Radish because Dwight is the one who will rule the world someday. They remove their weighted clothing and fight Radish but are no match. When Jim is about to be killed Cici becomes angry and flies into Radish, stunning him. Jim grabs Radish and tells Dwight to use any moves he has now. Dwight fires the Special Beet Cannon, killing both Jim and Radish. Creed promises to bring Jim back with the Dunder Balls, but this is transmitted through Radish's scouter back to the other Prankans, who resolve to come conquer the earth and wish for their own immortality. In other world a smug Jim learns the Kaopam technique, forever eclipsing Dwight in power.
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Dec 21, 2021 16:47
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Is that anime poo poo
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Dec 21, 2021 19:34
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Jimfield kicks Mose off a table Meredith is shipped to a hospital in Abu Dhabi
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Dec 21, 2021 19:42
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Jim frames Ryan for insider trading.
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Dec 21, 2021 23:53
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The Commander of the Faithful, Calpih Harun al-Rashid, disguises himself as Jim and is moved by the plight of Dwight, the humble beet farmer. He kidnaps Dwight, takes him to his palace, disguises HIM as the Caliph and advises his staff to behave as if it were all normal. Dwight awakes, nd acting as the Caliph, forgives his mother's debts, and writes into law many deeds for the common man. The next morning, Dwight has returned home, but still believes he is Calpih. His mother screams and cries to the neighbors, who accost him and hand him to the local sanitorium, where this delusion is beaten out of him. After a year of torture, Dwight regains his sanity and returns to his old life at Dunder Mifflin. However, he is shocked to see Jim, the very man who had escorted him away, sitting at the same desk he had met him with to begin with. Dwight breaks down in tears and rends his clothes. Jim laughs, and eases Dwight, revealing his true identity as Caliph. He grants Dwight and his family a thousand crowns and invites them to live in his palace.
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Dec 22, 2021 00:49
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Jim breaks into Dwight's house and paints a tiny version of himself into Dwight's copy of "The Yellow House" by Van Gogh. The painted version of Jim mugs for Dwight when he looks at the painting.
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Dec 22, 2021 15:25
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jim runs mose over in a Prius, as dwight looks on in horror
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Dec 22, 2021 16:10
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A man wrapped in toilet paper bursts through the front door of Dunder Mifflin. "Rarrghhh! Toilet paper mummy!" he yells as he makes a beeline for Dwight, arms outstretched. Dwight, realizing this is Jim, quickly subdues him with a picture perfect triangle choke. However, Dwight recoils in horror when Jim's head pops off. Dwight lifts up the wrapped head and realizes it's an actual mummy's head, papery skin stretched tight over its skull. Dwight gently places the skull on the ground when Jim comes in to work. "Oh no! What happened to King Toiletkamun II? Dwight! You just ruined centuries of diplomatic relations with the Toilet Paper Mummy empire!" Jim mugs for the camera as Dwight realizes he's unwittingly started a war that America cannot win.
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Dec 22, 2021 16:30
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A Fancy Hat posted:A man wrapped in toilet paper bursts through the front door of Dunder Mifflin. Two Years Later The dead outnumber the living, and the living envy the dead. Dwight is standing guard on the Dunder Mifflin roof, staring across the bleak Pennsylvania landscape. In the distance he can make out bright flashes -- the toilet paper mummy army must be advancing again while the remains of the US Army desperately try to hold them back. He realizes that they'll be here soon, probably by the morning. He heads inside to wake the others and start preparing. He comes across Kevin first, passed out in the breakroom, facing the empty vending machines. The war has changed Kevin the most of any of them. Not just the weight loss from food deprivation, but the once jovial accountant is now a grizzled combat veteran. He lost his right arm during the great skirmish of East Scranton Gorge early in the conflict, but he's replaced it with a crude artificial limb crafted from the bodies of fallen mummy soldiers. Kevin wakes with a startle but nods when Dwight explains the situation, grabs his gun, and heads to the roof. Kelly is next. Kelly took Ryan's death hard (Ryan had thought he'd be able to use his good looks and charm to broker a peace deal. He took days to die). The once bubbly customer service representative is now a dead eyed killer. Dwight finds her sharpening her blades while singing about Ryan. She too heads to the roof. As Dwight prepares to wake the rest of the stuff, he hears a strange noise from the bathroom. Did the mummies break in? Is this the beginning of the end? Slowly opening the door with his hand on his gun, he finds Jim furiously unrolling every roll of toilet paper, surrounded by an ever growing pile of refuse. Dwight is confused, even a bit scared. "Jim, what are you doing?" Jim stops his manic action, turns and mugs at Dwight. "Beets me!"
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Dec 22, 2021 20:07
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Doctor Shrute, worldwide adventurer and leader of the international Beet Force Five, flies the Dwight-copter low over the Brazilian jungle. Little Champion is soaring ahead, spotting for him. With a sudden squawk, the giant eagle folds its wings and dives into the jungle. Dwight circles the area, but can't see anything. He hails Chips at the command center over the video phone. Chips, the monkey wearing a black combat sweater and a headset, comes in. Dwight explains the situation, and Chips uploads topographical maps of the area. Interestingly, there does appear to be a strong pollutant in the river downstream that appeared in the last few years. "It looks like we may have finally located the source," says Dwight, and finds a place to land. One of his five doctorates is in environmental studies, so Dwight is able to recognize tell-tale signs of heavy industry deep in this jungle. "What a shame," Dwight says, "This rainforest is one of the last preserves of unspoiled natural beauty in the world. There are species here that have never been discovered by man." Mose, his faithful companion, barks once and begins to sniff the ground. "Do you smell something, boy? Lead the way!" Dwight and Mose spring to action and head deeper into the jungle. Dwight finds a factory that looks almost entirely automated. Large circular saws on robotic arms slice down old-growth trees at random, then other robotic arms with grapplers place them on conveyer belts, which bring them into the factory. Dwight sneaks inside and sees the trees being pulped and turned into paper. Gallons of industrial runoff pour directly into the Amazon each second. "We've found the source of the contamination. This factory is illegally dumping untreated wastewater into a freshwater riparian source. We need to shut it down." The factory suddenly darkens, then is lit with bright red lights. The robot arms turn and try to slice Dwight up. With his masterful gymnastics, he jumps, dives and rolls away from the robot arms. He kicks open the door into the factory's one office. Inside, smoking a cigar, is Jim. Dwight is furious, and asks "Why are you doing this, Jim? Dunder Mifflin has made a commitment to responsibly source all paper products by 2022!" Jim pulls a pistol and points it directly at Dwight. "Beets me!"
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Dec 22, 2021 20:30
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Jim lets Dwight borrow his password for Disney+ (it was password1122). Right before the last episode of Hawkeye goes live, Jim changes the password.
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Dec 22, 2021 22:19
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So that one takes place in the one where Jim does multiple favors for Dwight? Nice change up.
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Dec 22, 2021 22:21
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Jim starts a forum thread about Dwight and eggs on dozens of strangers to interfere with his life and joke about him. It gets to the point where Dwight's dad threatens to chop down the internet. It takes an entirely dark turn eventually however so Jim closes the thread and gives up pranks forever. Dwight is in jail now and you don't wanna know why.
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Dec 22, 2021 22:31
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A red star rises in the Southern sky, heralding the birth of the Prankster Child. "Oh crap, better hit the road!" mutters Jim as he stands up from his desk, rushes out the door, and is seen driving out the of the Dunder Mifflin parking lot. When Michael asks what the hell just happened, a distracted Pam says that Jim's "new messiah of pranking" is being born and that it's been "foretold in that weird book he's always reading". Dwight's hidden self-defense blade begins to hum and glow green. He realizes that the foretold hour of prophecy is nearly here. Grasping the blade, he stands up and follows after Jim. "What the hell is this place any more? I thought we sold paper?" an incredulous Andy says, tears forming in his eyes. Days later and thousands of miles away, Jim has nearly reached the blasphemous altar where the prankster messiah is to be born. Dwight is hot in pursuit and quickly gaining ground, his years of martial arts training giving him superhuman endurance and cardiovascular strength. His mystic blade is glowing brighter and brighter, marking his way. Soon, he thinks to himself, I will finally end the menace of pranks. Jim, meanwhile, does not have a single thought in his head. Like some animal drawn back to his birthplace to mate and die, Jim has one singular purpose driving him. Rising above the next sand dune is the Temple of Pranks, an ancient Greek styled building. Indecipherable, unfathomably ancient writing adorns every square inch of the building. Jim, as an avatar of pranking, can read it. He giggles. "Heh heh, they put that guy's abacus in gelled cow fat. Classic." Dwight cautiously follows and, once Jim enters the temple, he approaches the entrance. His blade is practically humming now, and the green glow looks more like a spotlight. As Dwight walks inside the dark and cold corridor, he can hear the cries of an infant. The Prankster's Messiah. Dwight comes across the blasphemous scene. A shirtless Jim carving "BALLOON BOY" into his flesh with a ceremonial blade. Two other men, who Dwight doesn't recognize, are dressed in robes and writhing in some kind of religious fervor. And, before them, lies the infant. There is no mother, no sign of where the child came from. He is wrapped in an old Big Dogs t-shirt. Dwight's blade practically seems to move itself as he lifts it above the baby's head. "Jeez Dwight, you gonna kill a baby?" says Jim, still focused on finishing the "y" on his chest. "Seems a little, I dunno, out of character for you. But I won't stop you. Welcome to the Prankster's Gambit!" Dwight looks down at the baby. He looks over at Jim. Dwight realizes that this is the true horror of the Pranking Messiah. His only options are to kill a child, or let the child live and bring about a new dark age of pranks, unheard of in this world. He tries to picture it. People constantly playing the circle game. Jell-o sales through the roof. Potatoes in tail pipes and whoopie cushions on seats. Dwight takes a deep breath. A short time later, Dwight walks out of the temple with a bundle under his arm. There is silence except for the wind blowing over the dunes. Dwight lifts the bundle towards his face and uncovers it. He puffs out his cheeks and blows a raspberry, the baby inside the bundle giggles. Dwight knows he made the right decision. Inside the temple, Jim has finally completed his carving. He mugs for the camera.
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Dec 23, 2021 16:33
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Jim follows Angela's finsta and everytime she posts a selfie he takes a screenshot and posts "👀🔥🥵🥵🍆" with the screenshot on his public Twitter
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Dec 23, 2021 16:44
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Jim releases a series of NFTs, entitled Smug #1 - #6. In each one, Jim mugs for the owner of the NFT.
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Dec 23, 2021 16:50
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Jim prints out dozens of pictures of Dwight with the caption "THIS MAN IS BANNED--DO NOT LET HIM ON THE PREMISES" Over weeks, he goes from business to business, waiting for the employees to lose focus so he can surreptitiously post the notice where they can see it. Soon, Dwight has nowhere to eat, relax, or even buy basic necessities. Dwight does not notice because he switched to remote shopping during the pandemic, and never eats out anyway, preferring a home cooked meal. He graciously thanks his shipt shopper from the other side of his door while Jim is at home, cackling at Dwight's predicament.
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Dec 23, 2021 17:03
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Dwight hits a home run in the charity softball game, but is soon shocked to discover that his ball smashed into the windshield of a car on the nearby highway, causing a massive accident that killed 3 and injured dozens. As Dwight starts making amends, Jim reveals to the camera crew that he actually threw the ball that caused the accident, adding that Dwight's ball "actually landed inside the nuclear plant and flipped a switch that prevented a meltdown, thereby saving millions of lives". Jim mugs for the camera.
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Dec 23, 2021 17:11
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Jim extracts his false teeth one by one and places them on the top of dwight's keyboard.
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Dec 23, 2021 23:56
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Jim wishes Dwight a Merry Christmas (but he says it confrontationally because in his head somehow he’s mad about people saying “Happy Holidays”)
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Dec 24, 2021 00:15
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FunkyAl posted:Jim extracts his false teeth one by one and places them on the top of dwight's keyboard. Then he punches Dwight's face and Dwight teeth turn into keys from a piano like a Tom and Jerry cartoon
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Dec 24, 2021 03:57
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FunkyAl posted:Jim extracts his false teeth one by one and places them on the top of dwight's keyboard. They should have done this for a Halloween episode
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Dec 24, 2021 04:24
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Jim cuts a Santa outfit out of his curtains and sneaks around Scranton on Christmas Eve stealing all the presents from everyone’s houses. He takes all the ornaments and their trees. He even takes the food out of their refrigerators, leaving crumbs too small for even a mouse. Despite waking up with nothing on Christmas Day, Dwight leads all the folks into a circle to sing.
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Dec 24, 2021 13:33
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Jim's left a present for Dwight under his tree. Dwight lifts up the box and shakes it. It feels vaguely like it might be a bowling ball. Suddenly Angela rushes in. "Honey, think about it. Jim left you something in a box. Nobody's seen him in a week. This box is moist to the touch. I think we both know what's going on here." Dwight agrees that Angela must be right, so he tosses the box into the garbage without even looking at it. Outside, in the snow covered fields, Jim starts laughing. "Haha, I knew he'd throw away the head-shaped pineapple upside down cake I made him! What a loser!" Jim trots off back home as the snow covers his footprints.
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Dec 24, 2021 14:55
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Michael orders a bunch of pizzas for the office. Jim starts being a menace to Dwight, poking and prodding him and making dry heaving noises. A frustrated Dwight pushes him, causing Jim to careen into an open gallon of milk, which spills all over the conference room table. Chaos erupts and Pam grabs Dwight by the shoulders. "Look what you did you little JERK!" she screams at him. Jim mugs for the camera.
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Dec 24, 2021 16:08
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Dwight breaks into Dwight’s home while Dwight is on a Christmas vacation in France. He starts going through Dwight’s beet collection and shouts “Hey Dwight, I’m going through your stuff! You’d better come out and pound me!”
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Dec 24, 2021 16:11
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A Fancy Hat posted:A red star rises in the Southern sky, heralding the birth of the Prankster Child. Five years later... Dwight is out harvesting beets. He lives alone with The Child now, in a secluded cabin in the forest beyond Schrute Farms. A diligent father, he has taken precautions against the darkness within his boy by raising him alone, carefully shielding him from exposure to even the concept of pranks. He hears something. A giggling noise... he immediately draws his katana and chases down the noise. In a clearing, he sees a manic psycopath, a skeletal creature with a big floppy beard and the words "BALLON BOY" carved into its chest. "Jim!" "Nya ha ha!" The creature laughs and runs into the brush on all fours. Terrified by Jim's return, Dwight races to the log cabin. His heart stops cold when he hears the sound of saturday morning cartoons as he opens the door. That bastard Jim brought a portable dvd player to the electricity-free cabin. "Duck season, fire!" The Child laughs as Daffy is shot by Elmer Fudd. The laughing doesn't stop. It only grows more sinister, manic. "Michael Jr..." The Child's head turns to face Dwight, rotating 180 degrees. The laughing continues. The child's eys are glowing. "I'm sorry." Dwight races forward and plunges his katana into the child, however the blade simply flattens and then collapses into the sheath. It's too late. The child has already grown so much in power that the blade was turned into a prank sword. Dwight collapses as the child rises to its feet. "Micha--augh..." Dwight clutches his chest. The child presses against Dwight's chest and a fart noise echoes under Dwight's ribs. His heart has been turned into a whoopie cushion. Unbeknownst to Dwight, everyone in Scranton's has. Even Jim currently lies dying under a suddenly blood red sky. More laughing. But Dwight looks up as the laughter stops--just for a moment. The eyes aren't glowing. Tears pour down the child's face. For the first time since he returned, Dwight is looking into Michael Jr's real eyes again. "Father.... there's only one way to stop me..." Dwight and the Child look at each other through tears. Fighting back laughter, the child extends his hand. "You... have to... hahahah...." the Child sobs and regains control. "P-p-pull my finger." "... I love you, son." Dwight reaches his hand up weakly as he dies. He pulls the finger. Scranton is consumed in a nuclear explosion. Raku fucked around with this message at 17:02 on Dec 24, 2021 |
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Dec 24, 2021 16:57
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Jim starts asking everyone at Dunder Mifflin if they're "seen any sailors". "Do you happen to know where some sailors might hang out?" he asks Dwight while staring blankly at the distance. Dwight explains that Jim might do well to check out "Anchors Aweigh", one of the more popular gay bars in Scranton. Jim instead moves to Pam and robotically speaks to her. "Do you know of any shops where sailors might go?" "You're intent on going to Hong Kong right? ... Even knowing that you may die? ... So I thought. ... If I were you, I'd do the same. ... That's why," replies Pam in the same robotic voice. Dwight begins writing an email to David Wallace, asking if he's looking to hire an assistant to the regional manager.
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Dec 24, 2021 16:59
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Edit--didn't mean to post again.
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Dec 24, 2021 17:01
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Jim removes all of the friction from inside Dunder Mifflin's Scranton branch. When Dwight asks if he can work from home until the friction returns, Jim complains to Michael and says that Dwight is "screwing around all day with beets or something". Dwight instantly slips to the floor when he walks in the front door, joining the careening pile of bodies and objects bouncing around between the walls. Jim mugs for the camera as he smashes into Creed's desk.
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Dec 24, 2021 17:08
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Jim kidnaps Angela and traps her in his castle, forcing Dwight to go on a side-scrolling adventure in order to rescue her. Jim sends his seven Halpertlings (child-like versions of Jim that may or may not be his actual kids, all named after famous musicians) to impede Dwight’s progress. After a grueling eight worlds (and spending a lot of lives trying to beat Van Halen Halpert’s castle in the seventh world), Dwight finally faces Jim in his lair. He cuts the bridge Jim is standing on with an axe, and sends him careening into the lava below. Just as Dwight is about to untie and free Angela from her restraints, he hears something leap out of the lava behind him. Dwight looks over his shoulder, and sees a floppy-haired skeleton mugging for him. It’s Dry Jim!
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Dec 24, 2021 23:12
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jim forcibly unbirths dwight
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Dec 25, 2021 00:48
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Jim shouts "Christmas! Is! Cancelled!" at the top of his lungs, thus cancelling Christmas.
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Dec 25, 2021 04:21
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Jim jumps on his desk and loudly proclaims: "I .. DECLARE... MORAL BANKRUPTCY!!!!" "What the hell are you talking about Jim?" Dwight asks but he in a smooth motion slaps Dwight's wife, spins, places one hand in his pants, and pulls a gun from a hidden holster with the other, and shoots a glass vase Dwight was holding(this part of the prank was set up before I began writing this post) and the glass vase explodes spraying glass into Dwight's face, shredding it up real bad. Jim then pistol whips Dwight to the floor. "MORAL BANKRUPTCY! It means I can do anything I please because I have no morals! I can kiss a chicken! I can be racist! I can do anything now!!!!!!!!!" With a loud boom Jim looks down to see a hole in his belly, he places his hand there and feels the blood trickling out. Dwight has grabbed his own firearm he always keeps stowed under his desk. Jim falls over unconscious bleeding out. "Call a loving ambulance" Dwight says in disgust. "No." Pam begs. "Kill him. loving kill him D, I'll say it was self defense. C'mon Big D I'll do anything just kill this fucker!" Only you can decide what Dwight did next. I will never speak of it again.
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Dec 25, 2021 04:29
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Jim quits and starts to work as a mechanic https://twitter.com/rainnwilson/status/1473827405877768193?s=21
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Dec 26, 2021 21:07
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Dwight begins to kill after a complaining about a constant, but quiet and low level buzzing noise following him for weeks Once Dwight has been stopped, we find that Jim had injected himself with a RNA-Retrovirus containing specialized genes from the death's head moth, which allow him to emit a buzzing noise that stuns insects but is inaudible to humans. He had hid a similar Retrovirus within one of Dwight's beet coffees, but it contained genetic strands that only rendered Dwight's hearing as ultrasensitive as an insect's.
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Dec 27, 2021 02:19
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Dwight comes in to work only to find marble statues of his fellow coworkers located all around the office. They are absolutely perfect likenesses, except for the Jim statue. The Jim statue's proportions are just slightly off - he's a little too tall and thin, and his hair is a little too floppy. The face is the most disturbing part; his eyes are too narrow and close together, the nose looks more like a hole in his face, and the mouth is giving a smug grin and showing rotten teeth that look like crooked headstones. "Do you like it, Dwight?" comes a calm voice from a darkened corner of the office. Dwight asks if that's Jim, and if he made the statues. "Of course it's me. And this was my Christmas gift to everyone. Do you want to see yours?" Dwight looks at the front door, then back to the darkened corner. He's faster than Jim, but the distance is too far. Jim will catch him if he rushes to escape. Trying to play it cool, Dwight says he'd love to see his statue. "Heh, I knew you would. Turn around, buddy!" Dwight does. A marble likeness of him is, somehow, standing mere inches away. It's hands are outstretched as if they're reaching for Dwight's neck. How didn't he notice this before? "I think marble's a really great medium. You can practically hear the figure inside calling out for you to free it. Screaming at you. Not letting you sleep until you carve it out of there. It really motivates you." Dwight slowly backs away from the statue looming over him, cautiously heading for the front door. Jim is still lurking in the dark corner, but Dwight's eyes are beginning to adjust to the low light. He thinks he can see the outline of Jim. He's too tall and thin, his hair is a little too floppy. Dwight moves a little quicker towards the door. As he takes one more cautious step, he backs up into something cold and solid. Turning around, Dwight finds himself face to face with a marble statue of Todd Packer. "You know, most people don't realize you can find marble in Pennsylvania. But you can! Ever hear of Centalia? There's a big fire there, one that's been burning for decades. It's made the most amazing marble, Dwight. You just have to know where to look." Dwight soon finds himself surrounded by marble statues. Todd Packer. Gabe. Michael's nephew (Dwight, strangely, realizes now that he looks a lot like Evan Peters). The pretzel cart guy. Dwight realizes that, somehow, they came in the front door while he was focused on his own statue. He collapses to the ground and tries to crawl through the legs of the Todd Packer statue that's blocking the door. As he crawls, he feels cold, strong hands grab his ankles. Dwight turns around and finds his own face looking back at him, grinning marble teeth. The statue is motionless but the marble hands are tightly locked around Dwight's ankles. "Don't you just love art?" laughs Jim as he mugs for the marble camera being held by statue replicas of the documentary crew. A Fancy Hat fucked around with this message at 15:08 on Dec 28, 2021 |
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Dec 28, 2021 15:06
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Jim's magical mirror informs him that Dwight is the fairest in the land, so Jim hires a huntsman to kill Dwight and bring Jim his heart as proof. Dwight is getting coffee in the breakroom when a burly man with an axe shoves him to the ground and brings his mighty axe over Dwight's head. "Oh God, I can't do it! Dwight, you truly are the fairest in the land. Now run, boy! Run far away before Jim finds out what I've done this day!" Unsure of what exactly is going on, Dwight runs out of the office, back home, and begins packing a suitcase to escape for a few days. The huntsman, fearing Jim's anger, procures a pig's heart and brings it to Jim. "Excellent! Dwight's heart, just as I asked. You've done well, my huntsman! You'll find your gold waiting in my throne room. Now leave me with my treasure." "By throne room, do you mean the bathroom? It's the only other room in this apartment." "...yes. Now begone, before you spoil my wondrous mood!" The Huntsman grabs his reward and then awkwardly leaves Jim's studio apartment. Jim is left behind is silence as he stares at the heart. "Haha, joke's on him! I just wanted a pig's heart and was too nervous to ask at the butcher shop!" Jim begins to eat the pig's heart, raw, while spraying bits of gristle everywhere. In the pile of mail on his kitchen table (the sole piece of furniture in this apartment besides his air mattress) awaits the final paperwork that Pam needs him to sign to make their divorce final.
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Dec 28, 2021 15:39
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| # ? May 31, 2024 01:58 |
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Dwight Schrute buys the industrial park building, and Jim Halpert begins a lengthy prank to overload Dwight's key ring with fake keys. Seeing Jim adding on keys, Pam Halpert involuntarily laughs, alerting Dwight to Jim's prank. Pam senses that Jim is mad at her for spoiling the prank, so she tries to make it up to him by devising a prank of her own. She enlists Kevin Malone to rewire the elevator so the buttons all do different things. To her dismay, Kevin's alterations to the elevator's 'circus board' result in Pam and Dwight getting trapped in the elevator together. Dwight also ends up peeing on the floor, as he has been continuously drinking from a hydration pack throughout the day. In the end the backfired prank does impress Jim.
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Dec 28, 2021 15:49
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