r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

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Evil Willow: Apr 26, 2007; Bored now...

AITA for refusing to move into a house if I�m not a co-owner

quote:

I (27F) have been with Ben (29M) for 1.5 years. We agreed if we got married we�d have a prenup and keep our finances separate. He was clear from day one he would never want to combine them.

Ben bought a 5 bedroom house. He lives with friends and calculates their rent by dividing the mortgage by the number of people living in the house. His mortgage is high in part because it�s a 15 year mortgage, he had a bad credit score, and his down payment was small. This also doesn�t give Ben any money to maintain the house. He uses credit cards and payday loans for urgent house repairs.

Ben doesn�t agree with my decision to prioritize my savings over paying off my subsidized student loans. Things he thinks I should stop doing until I�m debt free:

I contribute to a 401K to maximize an employer match benefit.

My checking and savings have 6 months of income.

I�m building an investment account I might eventually use to buy a house.

Ben has suggested I drain these accounts and use the money for debt repayment. He thinks I need to be more like him; at the end of the month all of his extra money goes towards debt. He doesn�t seem to care about the amount of debt I have, just that it exists and I could be paying it off faster. I�m a database administrator, my debt to income ratio is low, and my credit score is excellent.

Recently Ben has been saying it�s a waste of money for us to have two places and suggested I move in with him. We don�t stay at his house often because of his roommates. I don�t like his house and would rather keep my apartment. He argues the money I spend on rent is money we could be saving. I wouldn�t be saving money and I�d need to buy a car. The house is expensive for reasons I wouldn�t benefit from and it�s big.

I don�t want to live with someone unless we are renting a place together or own a place together. I�m uncomfortable with him being the sole owner of the house we live in. He�d control how much we�d both have to spend on housing and what changes/upgrades are made. I want us to contribute equally and have an equal say in the decisions.

He says we can�t rent a place together because paying rent is money down the drain. And we can never own a house together because we agreed to have separate finances. I thought separate finances meant we could eventually buy a house as long as we split the down payment and mortgage 50/50. He thinks owning a house together is combining finances. I said that�s fine, he can someday move into a house I own. He said that was ridiculous as I don�t know when I�ll be ready to buy a house.

He said I have no valid reason for refusing to live in a house just because he owns it and this would force him to either go back to renting or combine finances with me. He especially doesn�t want to co-own a house with me because I�m irresponsible with debt.

AITA for agreeing to separate finances and now being unwilling to live in a house I don't own?

# ? Jan 3, 2022 00:21

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# ? May 28, 2024 14:48

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

Grape posted:

There's a lot of na�vet� to this post, but especially the acting like a woman would never write that, or ever (rightly or wrongly) stan for outdated traditions part.

Well that and the assuming that the post-colonial and racial edge doesn't color it differently than say Utah, or thinking there's no way a British man abroad could be a snide condescending rear end in a top hat.

I'd also say there's way less sexism to this then the FLDS polygamy example you immediately reached for. Like, magnitudes magnitudes less.

I think you missread my point, I'm not saying it's impossible someone would stan for something like that I mean there's innumerable examples of internalized misogyny in conservative cultures in the US, it wouldn't even be surprising. It's also not impossible or surprising this guy exists, I mean it's a bit on the nose he'd flat out call it barbaric to their faces to give a nice bold and underscored "see this guy is racist, therefor" tinge to the story, but it's perfectly believable outside of "why would the sister marry him in the first place?" but that's a running theme in general so you can't really draw anything from it.

It's just the story itself is clearly setup in a way to defend a bad conclusion, like MRA baitposts on paternity fraud or such, some of those stories are certainly real too but they get actively called out for context surrounding them. I wasn't using mormon polygamy as a direct comparison in severity or w/e your conclusion is there, just an example of how shifted the cultural relativity goalposts would get if the situation were closer to home so to speak. Taking everything in good faith the OP and her family could all be perfectly happy with how things are going, OP clearly doesn't see the issue with their traditions. However, the same could be said for a happy Mormon household, but as it's an example we're more familiar with we are more aware of the knockon effects that stem from such discriminatory keystones to the culture/society on a whole, and it's bad.

# ? Jan 3, 2022 00:34

tgacon: Mar 22, 2009

Evil Willow posted:

AITA for refusing to move into a house if I�m not a co-owner

It seems like whatever hangups she has about living in a house she doesn�t own can be addressed in the pre-nup they already agree on. Negotiate, girl!

# ? Jan 3, 2022 00:42

Mx.: Dec 16, 2006; I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!

AITA for telling my boyfriend he was embarrassing us when he started sobbing in the Vet clininc hallway?

quote:

My f26 boyfriend's m30 dog has been sick lately. He took him to the Vet to get him looked at and run some tests and yesterday the Vet called us for a quick appointment to talk about the dog's condition.

We were told that he had cancer, my boyfriend didn't take it well, he did not even give the vet time to explain to us what was really going on he just had a break down.

We exited the office and next thing I knew he dropped on his knees sobbing, Literally sobbing. I was shocked because for one I know his dog is important to him, he had him for years and so I get this was a lot to take in and cancer is no joke, but what really bothered me was how he handled it. His knees were on the floor and he was sobbing loudly in the hallway making everyone notice. Ngl, as a woman I've never even sobbed like that, I felt embarrassed for both of us. I kept trying to get him to go to the car but he ignored me and kept sobbing.

I didn't say anything til later after we got home and he calmed down a bit and got some sleep. When he woke up I brought up what happened at the clininc and expressed how embarrassing what he did was, he looked at me shocked asking if I was serious and I replied that I didn't mean to seem insensitive but I really thought he should've got a better hold of his emotions and handled the news better but not sob in the middle of the hallway causing people to stop and stare. He lashed out at me calling me ridiculous and shallow to be worrying about what people think when he was dealing with a traumatic kind of news and trying to process it, I told him he overreacted because it wasn't like the dog had died and seeing him act this way worried me. He doubled down and lashed out again accusing me of implying that he has mental issues and was acting crazy but that wasn't what I meant. He told me to leave the room after we got further in the argument and today he's gone quiet.

I honestly felt like I probably should not have brought it up like that given his reaction but I didn't mean to seem insensitive.

AITA?

Editing this to say that my issue was never about him reacting like that just because he's a man, No, this isn't about that but it's about the way he reacted, I just did not think it was handled right, that's all.

And also, I do show support and the news was devastating to me too since I help take care of the dog and that bond is there even though it's his dog.

last time i took a pet to the vet to be put down a nice lady in the waiting room let me pet her dog while i weeped openly

# ? Jan 3, 2022 00:46

Blastedhellscape: Jan 1, 2008

StrangersInTheNight posted:

they were likely about to launch into a spiel about how their son is 'that age' and it sure would be convenient if she just covered up her harlot skin rather than tempting him so much

that got waylaid pretty early when she put the blame on the person committing trespass, rather than herself for existing

That was exactly my read on it. The parents were trying to get her to take the hint that she should close her blinds because they'd noticed her parading around (i.e. existing) in her nice sunlit house, and she just bulldozed right over that bullshit.

# ? Jan 3, 2022 00:49

Midnight Voyager: Jul 2, 2008; Lipstick Apathy

Mx. posted:

AITA for telling my boyfriend he was embarrassing us when he started sobbing in the Vet clininc hallway?

last time i took a pet to the vet to be put down a nice lady in the waiting room let me pet her dog while i weeped openly

quote:

Yes I have, when I lost my father but I had a break down alone at the apartment and in private. I guarantee you I 100% relate and can not even imagine what he felt at the time and I'm in no way dismissing his emotions but I just thought this could've been handled better by him.

"When my dad died, I had the GRACE to be sad in PRIVATE"

quote:

That is what I tried to do, get him to the car but couldn't. I might have been triggered by his reaction since it brought back memories of my father's death. It was devastating.

"Maybe people will stop being mad at me if I tell them that him being sad triggered me, so it's okay to tell him to stop reacting to sadness!"

# ? Jan 3, 2022 00:52

RenegadeStyle1: Jun 7, 2005; Baby Come Back

Mx. posted:

AITA for telling my boyfriend he was embarrassing us when he started sobbing in the Vet clininc hallway?

last time i took a pet to the vet to be put down a nice lady in the waiting room let me pet her dog while i weeped openly

Jesus that's cold. I'm not even an animal person but I can at least empathize with someone who lost an animal companion that they were close to.

# ? Jan 3, 2022 00:54

limp_cheese: Sep 10, 2007; Nothing to see here. Move along.

Mx. posted:

AITA for telling my boyfriend he was embarrassing us when he started sobbing in the Vet clininc hallway?

We were told that he had cancer

it wasn't like the dog had died

Ah yes, cancer, that thing that never kills anything and isn't the harbinger of horrible medical outcomes.

# ? Jan 3, 2022 00:55

Peaceful Anarchy: Sep 18, 2005; sXe
I am the math man.

tgacon posted:

It seems like whatever hangups she has about living in a house she doesn�t own can be addressed in the pre-nup they already agree on. Negotiate, girl!

It seems like those hangups aren't the real issue. Neither of them respects the other's financial decisions, and while separate finances can bridge the gap between "one person likes to spend money on scented candles while the other likes to spend it on art" or "one wants to invest in mutual funds and the other in stocks" or "one wants to save 10% of their income while the other wants to save 20%" it doesn't fix issues where they have significant differences in how to deal with long term debt or how to share assets.

Even before getting to the moving in part

quote:

Ben bought a 5 bedroom house. He lives with friends and calculates their rent by dividing the mortgage by the number of people living in the house. His mortgage is high in part because it�s a 15 year mortgage, he had a bad credit score, and his down payment was small. This also doesn�t give Ben any money to maintain the house. He uses credit cards and payday loans for urgent house repairs.

Ben doesn�t agree with my decision to prioritize my savings over paying off my subsidized student loans. Things he thinks I should stop doing until I�m debt free:

I contribute to a 401K to maximize an employer match benefit.

My checking and savings have 6 months of income.

I�m building an investment account I might eventually use to buy a house.

They each think the other is poo poo at budgeting and managing debt. I strongly suspect she's right but it doesn't actually matter. If this is how they view each others financial choices 1.5 years in without living together or having any kind of responsibility for the other's finances no amount of prenup clauses is going to fix this.

# ? Jan 3, 2022 00:57

Cthulu Carl: Apr 16, 2006

Mx. posted:

AITA for telling my boyfriend he was embarrassing us when he started sobbing in the Vet clininc hallway?

last time i took a pet to the vet to be put down a nice lady in the waiting room let me pet her dog while i weeped openly

This lady is not the rear end in a top hat, she is in fact poop from the rear end in a top hat. Soulless, unempathetic poop.

# ? Jan 3, 2022 01:03

Cowslips Warren: Oct 29, 2005; What use had they for tricks and cunning, living in the enemy's warren and paying his price?; Grimey Drawer

loving hell man. I remember being in a vet office where people were bringing their pets to be put down (and you can always tell who is there for that) and everyone is bawling like loving babies and offering tissues. Who the gently caress doesn't?

WIBTA if go back on a promise that I made years ago?

quote:

Many years ago when park and recs was still on tv my husband became obsessed with the character Ron Swanson. And one day out of the blue my husband made me pinky promise that he would be allowed to have sole decorating privileges for our first child�s bedroom. I agreed,forgot about it and here we are years later. My husband was serious and reminded me of the promise when we bought our house. Now here I am 5 months to my due date watching my husband go through swatches of tarten fabric for our daughters nursery.

My husband is obsession with Ron Swanson and his brand of manliness is turning our soon to be born daughters nursery into a gentlemens/members only club/hunting cabin style nursery.

So would I be terrible if I broke that promise?

# ? Jan 3, 2022 01:03

Midnight Voyager: Jul 2, 2008; Lipstick Apathy

AITA for walking out of my boyfriend�s celebratory dinner?

quote:

So my boyfriend, Kyle (26M) recently got a promotion to general manager at the restaurant he works at. I (22F) work full time as a pediatric nurse and my hours are kinda all over the place right now because of the virus. Anyway, when he got home to tell me about his promotion I was ecstatic. He�s a hard worker and deserves it, 100%. But because it happened on a Tuesday, we decided we�ll go for a celebratory dinner with our mutual friends Saturday night.

I was scheduled to work Saturday, but I figured that as long as I was able to get home, shower, and change all is well. I�ll just sleep late on Sunday.

So fast forward to Saturday. I unfortunately lost a patient who had been fighting for her life since birth. I�ve been her nurse every time I was working in that department and her and her family were very important to me. I was absolutely devastated.

When I got home the last thing on my mind was dinner. I told Kyle about what happened and he gave me a hug and said he�s sorry to hear that. About 10 minutes later he -softly- asked if I was going to go shower before we leave. I told him I really don�t feel like going out, but he insisted that I go since I promised and if he goes without me his friends will ask a lot of questions.

I didn�t want to, but I agreed since I did promise. While I tried to keep a smile on my face, it was obvious I was upset. One of our friends asked if I was okay, and before I could just say I had a rough day at work, Kyle said �She�s been bitching about a patient she lost at work today� and scoffed.

I was flabbergasted. He�s never said anything like that before. I replied saying �That patient was 3 months old.�

He shrugged and said that it�s not my own child and it shouldn�t bother me this much. I was furious and embarrassed since this went down in front of our friends so I just put down enough money for my meal and went home. I put his stuff in a box (he wasn�t living with me but would stay with me 2-3 days a week). When he came back he flipped out and I just said I need space.

That was 2 weeks ago. I have since changed the locks since he had a spare key. He says I�m overreacting and that I�m an AH for ruining his big night. That I, selfishly, made it all about me. He accused me of thinking higher of myself because I�m a nurse and he works at a restaurant (honestly idk where that came from). And he also said that he figured since it was a celebratory dinner for him, he thought I was going to pay and so walking out on him was very embarrassing cause he didn�t bring his wallet.

One of our mutual friends, Amy, called me and said that while what Kyle said was hosed up that me leaving like that was unnecessary and it made the whole night awkward.

I feel bad for ruining the night for everyone else but I just couldn�t let him get away with that. I�m very proud to be a nurse and I don�t want anyone (especially my partner) to talk poorly about it. So do you guys think I�m TA for walking out on dinner?

EDIT: Wow thank you guys so much for all the kind comments ❤️ I�ve just now been able to read through most of the newer comments and I�ve got tears in my eyes 🥲. I�ve lost a handful of patients since I became a nurse (and one whilst in nursing school) and while it definitely hurt me, I�ve never been THIS impacted by it. It still hurts to think about and I�m sure it will for a long long time. But hearing your guys� opinions and seeing your support honestly means the world.

I wasn�t sure if I was overreacting by packing his stuff out since this was the first BIG issue I�ve had with him, but seeing your comments I realize that I wasn�t. Seeing how all of you, who are internet strangers that have absolutely no reason to leave such sweet, caring comments, have way more compassion and empathy for me (and the baby) than the man who�s supposed to be there for me, says quite a lot. So thank you all so much

EDIT 2: So I�ve been seeing some comments about the wallet thing. I honestly have no idea if he actually forgot it or if he just said that to get off the HUGE check, which my friend said was over $500. I wasn�t aware he wasn�t paying until after he was gone so I didn�t check the house to see if it was actually there.

EDIT 3: So it�s 10:20 AM and I can happily say Kyle is completely out of my life. His friend picked up the last of his stuff about an hour ago. I called Kyle and �officially� (even thought it was kinda obvious) broke up with him and his number is blocked!! Time for a mimosa aha!! Thank you all for your super sweet messages 🥰🥰 This blew up and I�m just overwhelmed by the support y�all have shown me!

I wanna sock Amy. "It was bad but you made it AWKWARD by LEAVING!" Yeah, her staying while mourning a dead child TOTALLY wouldn't be awkward at all, not with her lovely boyfriend poo poo-talking her grief.

# ? Jan 3, 2022 01:11

Midnight Voyager: Jul 2, 2008; Lipstick Apathy

Fun addition: He told everyone the whole dinner would be "his" treat and didn't bring money, expecting OP to pay. Except OP, he didn't tell her that!

# ? Jan 3, 2022 01:16

Motronic: Nov 6, 2009

Peaceful Anarchy posted:

They each think the other is poo poo at budgeting and managing debt. I strongly suspect she's right

You only "strongly suspect" the person who is making rational, calculated decisions about their financial well being rather than emotional ones and also isn't taking out payday loans to cover unexpected expenses while living paycheck to paycheck while house poor is right?

# ? Jan 3, 2022 01:22

Hughlander: May 11, 2005

AITA if I want to keep the heirloom wedding ring and not pass it down

quote:

I adore the ring because my first husband gave it to me after getting it from his mother. He died of cancer 4 years after we got married. I later remarried after some time and have been with my husband for a little under 20 years. I don't wear it on my finger anymore. I have it next to my first husband's ashes.

I never intended to give it up, but first husband's mother (who gave him the ring) mentioned it to my son that he should propose one day with the wedding ring. It's been passed down 3 generations. I understand why it's important for traditions sake, but the ring means more to me now than following the tradition.

My son didn't know about it being an heirloom ring and he has been dating a man for 6 years now. He hasn't asked for it directly but did start asking what I would do with the ring. It only started after his grandmother told him. I told him I'm being buried with it and he seemed disappointed. Word got back to his grandmother and she is angry at me for the choice. She called me and berated me about it

# ? Jan 3, 2022 01:22

reignonyourparade: Nov 15, 2012

Xun posted:

I feel very confused because to me a dowry always refered to the practice of the brides family "paying" the grooms family (but realistically it's so the bride has some assets going into the grooms family) but it seems to also refer to the bride price thing where it's the grooms family paying money to the bride?

That's what a dowry is, other people use the word wrong to refer to brideprice, which is indeed a different thing.

# ? Jan 3, 2022 01:23

Alchenar: Apr 9, 2008

Hughlander posted:

AITA if I want to keep the heirloom wedding ring and not pass it down

If the son has her cremated they can sift the ashes for the thing of value

# ? Jan 3, 2022 01:30

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

AITA for continuing to go to my Ex-Boyfriends favourite Restaurant after we broke up?

quote:

So when I was dating my Ex-Boyfriend he'd take me to this wonderful Korean BBQ place, it is his favourite restaurant and I love it too. We ended up breaking up in a rather messy and bad way as the relationship turned sour, I wont play the blame game there was fault on both sides.

I wasn't about to let a bad break up prevent me going to get food I loved though so I still visit the place from time to time, we broke up a year ago and a little while ago we ran into each other there while he was on a date with another woman, I resolved to ignore him and enjoy my food but he saw me and demanded to know what I was doing there and even asked me if I was stalking him, apparently my laughter at the very idea offended him even further and I told him he was flattering himself far too much that I just like the food there.

Some of my friends think it's weird I continue to go here though and that it could cause further incidents if I run into him and that I should just not go here anymore as it was his first and be considerate, I think it's ridiculous as it's just a restaurant I happen to like, am I in the wrong here?

I get custody of the dog, all the friends who were my friends first, the following restaurants, and six city blocks around whichever apartment I am living in at the time.

# ? Jan 3, 2022 01:47

Reiche: Jan 28, 2009; I like my coffee with cream and lsd.

Mx. posted:

AITA for telling my boyfriend he was embarrassing us when he started sobbing in the Vet clininc hallway?

last time i took a pet to the vet to be put down a nice lady in the waiting room let me pet her dog while i weeped openly

I have an elderly dog that probably doesn�t have more than a year left in her and I KNOW I am going to be wrecked when it�s time. This would be absolutely unforgivable and the immediate end of the relationship. I would never ever be able to drop my emotional guard around this woman again and that�s uhhhh pretty important in a committed relationship.

# ? Jan 3, 2022 01:49

Seth Pecksniff: May 27, 2004; can't believe shrek is fucking dead. rip to a real one.

Mx. posted:

AITA for telling my boyfriend he was embarrassing us when he started sobbing in the Vet clininc hallway?

last time i took a pet to the vet to be put down a nice lady in the waiting room let me pet her dog while i weeped openly

A rare twist on the old trope: I hope he dumps her rear end

I've had to put two pets down, I've been there when family pets were put down. I've never not sobbed like a giant baby when it's happened. You don't get to determine whether or not, nor when, you can grieve a dying pet. Hell I loved both of my grandparents to death but I'm not sure I cried as hard as I did when my childhood dog had to be put down

I'm tearing up just thinking about it and that was almost 20 years ago. I saw her ashes when I came back home and started crying a bit

The point is the OP is a piece of poo poo and I hope that nobody grieves when she dies

# ? Jan 3, 2022 02:21

Grape: Nov 16, 2017; Happily shilling for China!

I'm almost more mind blown that she did it AFTERWARDS.
Like that's being an insensitive weirdo in cold blood, no reaction in the heat of the moment or anything.

# ? Jan 3, 2022 02:26

taiyoko: Jan 10, 2008

Midnight Voyager posted:

"When my dad died, I had the GRACE to be sad in PRIVATE"

See, I recognize this sort of brokenness. And it's one thing if it's not something you want to change and therefore never get therapy for. But to try to force that on someone else is hosed up and makes her entirely made of rear end in a top hat.

I accept that it's hosed up and I should get some therapy about how I absolutely hate showing that kind of vulnerability in front of anyone, but I know it's hosed up and the rest of the world does not necessarily conform to my ways.

# ? Jan 3, 2022 02:29

Mr. Lobe: Feb 23, 2007; ... Dry bones...

She should enter a relationship with a Norweigan. I hear they are extremely muted in their emotional expression.

# ? Jan 3, 2022 02:32

Seth Pecksniff: May 27, 2004; can't believe shrek is fucking dead. rip to a real one.

taiyoko posted:

See, I recognize this sort of brokenness. And it's one thing if it's not something you want to change and therefore never get therapy for. But to try to force that on someone else is hosed up and makes her entirely made of rear end in a top hat.

I accept that it's hosed up and I should get some therapy about how I absolutely hate showing that kind of vulnerability in front of anyone, but I know it's hosed up and the rest of the world does not necessarily conform to my ways.

I get it too. There's only three people in the world I would cry in front of. Everyone else can go to hell and get the rear end in a top hat side of me

But I agree with you that I would never force that on anyone else

# ? Jan 3, 2022 02:32

Guildenstern Mother: Mar 31, 2010; Why walk when you can ride?

Arsenic Lupin posted:

AITA for continuing to go to my Ex-Boyfriends favourite Restaurant after we broke up?

The true power play would be to accuse him of tainting the last good memory she had about the relationship (bulgogi) by bringing other people there.

# ? Jan 3, 2022 02:54

snergle: Aug 3, 2013; A kind little mouse!

Cowslips Warren posted:

loving hell man. I remember being in a vet office where people were bringing their pets to be put down (and you can always tell who is there for that) and everyone is bawling like loving babies and offering tissues. Who the gently caress doesn't?

WIBTA if go back on a promise that I made years ago?

youre already the rear end in a top hat because your married to and having a child with a dude cargo culting his masculinity from a lovely tv show about a moron libertarian and the thing that upset you about that situation is but its my for my daughter!

# ? Jan 3, 2022 03:03

Cthulu Carl: Apr 16, 2006

snergle posted:

youre already the rear end in a top hat because your married to and having a child with a dude cargo culting his masculinity from a lovely tv show about a moron libertarian and the thing that upset you about that situation is but its my for my daughter!

OP just needs to have an equal passion for Al Borland and embrace the flannel.

Or divorce her dipshit husband who doesn't understand Ron is a caricature or kill him by making him chug grain alcohol from a jug. Whichever is cheaper.

# ? Jan 3, 2022 03:10

Uncle Enzo: Apr 28, 2008; I always wanted to be a Wizard

Cowslips Warren posted:

WIBTA if go back on a promise that I made years ago?

Yes, op would be the rear end in a top hat. Your baby isn't going to care it's diaper is being changed in a dark green room with wooden paneling.

OP has to stick to their word unless the husband was wanting to, like, have a creepshow clown with glowing red eyes tired to a motion sensor or something. Or outright offensive like ahegao faces. Solid colors and muted patterns? Be glad he's involved.

# ? Jan 3, 2022 03:13

Guildenstern Mother: Mar 31, 2010; Why walk when you can ride?

I'm excited for little tartan clad baby. Maybe she'll become a badass highland warrior princess.

# ? Jan 3, 2022 03:32

DeeplyConcerned: Apr 29, 2008; I can fit 3 whole bud light cans now, ask me how!

Evil Willow posted:

AITA for letting my sister own my FIL at dinner?

As you can imagine, soooooo many of the comments are asking if the sister is single. It's quite disgusting.

to give them a little credit, reading this thread had given me the impression that you can find a sweet gig as a stay at home bf if you have level 3 rear end wiping skills. throw in a shower or two a week and you can live like a king

# ? Jan 3, 2022 03:46

Solenna: Jun 5, 2003; I'd say it was your manifest destiny not to.

Push for Nick Offerman themed as a compromise, and then you can get tasteful wooden baby furniture.

# ? Jan 3, 2022 03:50

Human Tornada: Mar 4, 2005; I been wantin to see a honkey dance.

Re: Ron Swanson, it's always been kind of weird to me how people unabashedly latch onto these obvious, goofy fads, but it happens and I try not to get too haughty about it. It's the people who are still chugging along years after everyone else has moved on that really break my brain though.

# ? Jan 3, 2022 03:59

Mx.: Dec 16, 2006; I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!

AITA for telling my parents I would not visit them again until they learned sign language?

quote:

When I was 18 I was in an accident that caused TBI, resulting in me losing most of my hearing in both ears, making me deaf. I didn't qualify for cochlear implants, so being deaf was just my new reality.

Obviously this derailed my life for a while. University got pushed back, and I was depressed for a long time. Eventually I got back out there, discovered the deaf community, learned ASL (american sign language), and at 26 I now feel very content with my life.

My parents were devastated by my accident, and our relationship has never been the same. A few years ago I told them I have embraced being deaf, and I asked them if they would learn ASL, as that is now how I prefer to communicate. They said no at the time because they didn't have time to learn a new language. I have tried many times over the years to try to give them information on deafness and ASL, but they have shown no interest.

We communicate now mainly by using voice-to-text on our phones, which is far from perfect, and very chaotic when multiple people are talking. Trying to keep up with conversations is exhausting, and people are constantly getting frustrated with me for not following along. Often we watch movies, but they refuse to turn the captions on because it's "annoying", despite the fact that it means I can't understand the movie at all.

This past Christmas, I once again struggled with conversations, which once again resulted in me being either ignored or yelled at. Before I went home again, I sat my parents down and told them that if they did not begin to learn ASL, I would not be visiting again for a long time. I told them I don't expect them to ever be fluent, but I need them to show effort in learning. I told them that they have continuously dismissed my needs as a deaf person, and that if they want to continue to have a meaningful relationship with me, we need to have some kind of shared language.

This didn't go over well at all, as my parents accused me of wanting to cut them off, which isn't true. I just can't do any more visits where my presence feels like a burden. My brother and I have been texting since then, and he thinks I'm being hugely unfair.

So AITA?

EDIT I can't respond to everyone, but thank you everyone so much for your kind words and support. I have been spending the last few days wondering if I'm being unreasonable or dramatic, as even though my friends (most of whom are deaf) support me, I didn't know what the hearing would would think of this. I can now see that my parents are clearly being unfair.

quote:

They do hope my hearing will he restored. Despite my doctors telling me my hearing loss is permanent, they are constantly sending me articles about supposed new cures or technology, even though it never applies to me.

some redditors are helpfully calling her a liar, because how can she tell that they're yelling if she's deaf

# ? Jan 3, 2022 04:09

datajugend: Jan 15, 2010; Cat Army

Mr. Lobe posted:

She should enter a relationship with a Norweigan. I hear they are extremely muted in their emotional expression.

Childbirth, weddings and funerals. Or when drunk.

# ? Jan 3, 2022 04:25

Blastedhellscape: Jan 1, 2008

taiyoko posted:

See, I recognize this sort of brokenness. And it's one thing if it's not something you want to change and therefore never get therapy for. But to try to force that on someone else is hosed up and makes her entirely made of rear end in a top hat.

I accept that it's hosed up and I should get some therapy about how I absolutely hate showing that kind of vulnerability in front of anyone, but I know it's hosed up and the rest of the world does not necessarily conform to my ways.

Oh yeah. That hits close to home.

For whatever hosed up reason I absolutely cannot cry in a lot of situations where I very much want to and know that it would be healthier if I did. Like a couple of months ago when we were burying one of my dogs, as an example. I feel all the feelings, but I just have this strong inhibition against emotional release that I picked up at some point and I've never been able to shake.

I'm just very aware that that's an issue with me, and I'm envious of the people who are able to bawl their eyes out at the vet's office.

# ? Jan 3, 2022 04:30

Cowslips Warren: Oct 29, 2005; What use had they for tricks and cunning, living in the enemy's warren and paying his price?; Grimey Drawer

Blastedhellscape posted:

Oh yeah. That hits close to home.

For whatever hosed up reason I absolutely cannot cry in a lot of situations where I very much want to and know that it would be healthier if I did. Like a couple of months ago when we were burying one of my dogs, as an example. I feel all the feelings, but I just have this strong inhibition against emotional release that I picked up at some point and I've never been able to shake.

I'm just very aware that that's an issue with me, and I'm envious of the people who are able to bawl their eyes out at the vet's office.

I can cry at just the idea of going in to the vet to put down one of my pets. gently caress, just reading that post made me tear up. The other extreme ain't so great either.

AITA for not supporting my husband�s �anti horse procedures?�

quote:

Posted on behalf of my aunt because she�s �too old for Reddit� lol

So me (F37) and my husband (42) have been together for 18 years and I have known ever since I met him that he has an irrational fear of horses.

Basically, he�s so afraid of them that if he sees one in person depending on how close it is he will literally pass out from fear. Why he�s afraid of them, we will probably never know, but his parents made him see a therapist as a little kid because he was so terrified of them, and he still sees a regular therapist but his fear of horses has never really waned.

Flash forward to recently, and his fear of horses has gotten to a breaking point. He saw a miniature horse (probably a therapy one, since an elderly woman lives there) go inside a house in our neighborhood and something in his brain seemed to have snapped.

The other day he said he was going to the hardware store, and he isn�t the DIY type if you know what I mean, so that was a bit suspicious.

A few hours later I come home to see our two oldest sons helping him install metal gates on our front door. When I asked him why he�s installing them, he said they were to �keep out the horses.� I then talked to him and asked him if he�s been feeling okay and if he�s been taking his medication. (He�s on two separate anxiety medications, one for panic attacks he takes as needed, which isn�t often, and one for general anxiety) He said that he has but, �that monster down the street needs to be stopped� referring to the neighbor�s miniature pony.

This morning I caught him spraying coyote urine on our front steps and he had multiple tabs open researching horse tranquilizers on our computer. I told him that he�s being crazy and that horses can�t hurt him and that our family is not in danger of horses and he needs to stop being irrational, but he just shook his head and said that he�s not acting crazy and it�s a logical fear.

Please tell me that I�m not the crazy one here, I just can�t keep putting up with this. Also he is an attorney at a large company in our city so he�s a very smart man, but for some reason he�s very stupid when it comes to horses.

# ? Jan 3, 2022 04:42

Chloe Jessica: Nov 6, 2021; Pick 2.0

poor husband, thought of horses and died

# ? Jan 3, 2022 04:44

sullat: Jan 9, 2012

Cowslips Warren posted:

WIBTA if go back on a promise that I made years ago?

Bust a deal, face the wheel

# ? Jan 3, 2022 04:45

Reiche: Jan 28, 2009; I like my coffee with cream and lsd.

Chloe Jessica posted:

poor husband, thought of horses and died

I was going to be very disappointed if the first reply after that post wasn�t this

# ? Jan 3, 2022 04:48

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# ? May 28, 2024 14:48

Cthulu Carl: Apr 16, 2006

Cowslips Warren posted:

AITA for not supporting my husband�s �anti horse procedures?�

The OP will be thanking her husband when she sees that horse walk out of the that old lady's house and it's standing like a person, and it's covered in blood. My god, there's blood everywhere!

# ? Jan 3, 2022 04:51

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

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