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Duncan Chino
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Jan 8, 2022 13:56
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Regarde Aduck posted:Lol what do they expect them to do? Clone him or something? It’s called a ghola MOM
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Jan 8, 2022 14:18
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All anime except Samurai Pizza Cats must be destroyed
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Jan 8, 2022 15:15
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Anybody who enjoys The Room or Breen flicks, grab some friends and watch Transcendental Layover. Watching it with goons was a fun trip.
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Jan 8, 2022 15:39
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lol
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Jan 8, 2022 15:54
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Matthew Vaughn directed both The Kingsmen and Kick rear end and definitely didn't help reel in the Mark Millar shittiness. The only movie Vaughn did that I really like is his adaptation of Stardust.
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Jan 8, 2022 17:49
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This morning I woke up thinking about Regis Philbin - you know, as you do - and I went to his Wikipedia article and read the cursed text:quote:His final film was Jack and Jill.
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Jan 8, 2022 18:03
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Kick rear end really pissed me off when i saw it in theatres, like it was trash in a way that really irked me, not sure why it pissed me off more than just a regular trash movie.
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Jan 8, 2022 18:08
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gormless goblin posted:This morning I woke up thinking about Regis Philbin - you know, as you do - and I went to his Wikipedia article and read the cursed text: 
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Jan 8, 2022 18:10
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Waltzing Along posted:Watching anime
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Jan 8, 2022 18:16
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A GLISTENING HODOR posted:I watched the first one and I've never hated a movie so much. I'm glad there's at least one other person in the world who shares my feelings on it. It would be really great if nothing made by mark Millar was adapted to film ever again
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Jan 8, 2022 18:25
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priznat posted:I feel the same way and actually felt ill from the church scene. The movie was quite obviously revelling in all these brainwashed people being horribly murdered. Gross. Basically this
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Jan 8, 2022 18:26
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"It's okay to kill them all and enjoy it because they're all horrible racists! Totally guilt-free mass murder!!" says the movie Rick and Morty ishly except completely sincere E: sad that I interrupted dune talk with my apparently unremarkable take on this abortion of a film, but my hate runs so deep kalel fucked around with this message at 18:33 on Jan 8, 2022 |
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Jan 8, 2022 18:27
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runnypoops posted:Kick rear end really pissed me off when i saw it in theatres, like it was trash in a way that really irked me, not sure why it pissed me off more than just a regular trash movie. Yeah, same. I've seen more vulgar and brash (Crank 2) and lots of stuff that was much more violent, but something about that movie just felt wrong to me, though it's been so long since I watched it that I probably can't pinpoint why anymore, it kind of just felt hateful and deplorable and not fun or interesting. e: speaking of Kick rear end Randarkman fucked around with this message at 18:41 on Jan 8, 2022 |
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Jan 8, 2022 18:35
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A GLISTENING HODOR posted:I watched the first one and I've never hated a movie so much. that penny dropped for me when he went back to his home pub to totally kick his dad's rear end after he was saving the world with his super awesome skillz and buttfucking the princess
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Jan 8, 2022 18:37
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I just watched My Neighbor Totoro with my 4 year old and my 9 old and they are obsessed with cat bus now. I'm thinking Ponyo is next.
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Jan 8, 2022 18:38
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luchadornado posted:I just watched My Neighbor Totoro with my 4 year old and my 9 old and they are obsessed with cat bus now. I'm thinking Ponyo is next. b-b-but anime is bad 
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Jan 8, 2022 18:38
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Randarkman posted:Yeah, same. I've seen more vulgar and brash (Crank 2) and lots of stuff that was much more violent, but something about that movie just felt wrong to me, though it's been so long since I watched it that I probably can't pinpoint why anymore, it kind of just felt hateful and deplorable and not fun or interesting. I think a lot of it comes down to the hateful arrogance of the film condemning lovely Americans while propping up the smug English agents as the morally superior group. Yes, the film does show that even the leadership of the Kingsmen itself is also corrupt, but the movie treats Michael Caine's heel turn as a "remove the bad apples and all will be fine" situation, which is bullshit.
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Jan 8, 2022 18:40
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Just a reminder that Mark Millar is a man whose idea of being clever was to name a UK comics mag CLiNT, so that it'd look like the word "oval office" if you were far enough away, or had bad vision E: I've said it before, but out of most (if not all) of the comics writers that came out of the UK and Ireland during the late 1980s through to the early 2000s in the wake of Alan Moore's pioneering work, the only ones I have any time for these days are Grant Morrison (ironically the one who probably cribbed from Moore the hardest) and Peter Milligan (who I first encountered via his Skreemer miniseries, which alternated its art between Brett Ewins and Steve Dillon). I was so-so on Ellis until he turned out to be a sex pest, so now I just ignore his work. Ellis and Millar can get tae gently caress with their adolescent edgelord shite. Sydney Bottocks fucked around with this message at 18:49 on Jan 8, 2022 |
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Jan 8, 2022 18:41
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Arc Hammer posted:I think a lot of it comes down to the hateful arrogance of the film condemning lovely Americans while propping up the smug English agents as the morally superior group. Yes, the film does show that even the leadership of the Kingsmen itself is also corrupt, but the movie treats Michael Caine's heel turn as a "remove the bad apples and all will be fine" situation, which is bullshit. Oh, I was talking about Kick rear end which I've actually seen. But I assume that the source material is largely trash and terrible in the same kind of way.
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Jan 8, 2022 18:45
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Randarkman posted:Oh, I was talking about Kick rear end which I've actually seen. But I assume that the source material is largely trash and terrible in the same kind of way. Millar just enjoys being a grotesque edgelord.
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Jan 8, 2022 18:46
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kalel posted:"It's okay to kill them all and enjoy it because they're all horrible racists! Totally guilt-free mass murder!!" says the movie Rick and Morty ishly except completely sincere Yeah absolutely. The people were horrible assholes but were essentially forced into what they did with no chance to surrender or back out. It was sick. It could have been in the story still with colin whatshisname having to fight his way out but the way the filmmaker portrayed it all was what I had the main problem with. I despise mean spirited movies and this is one of the worst offenders. Kick rear end is also in this boat so I think anything Millar based is extremely suspect. I enjoy other extremely violent scenes in movie and tv so I’m no squeamish prude or anything. This was just gross. Ellis is interesting because while I find the Boys comics pretty terrible the show has greatly been elevated above the source material, the showrunner Eric Kripke probably a big reason for this along with the awesome cast.
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Jan 8, 2022 18:51
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Randarkman posted:Oh, I was talking about Kick rear end which I've actually seen. But I assume that the source material is largely trash and terrible in the same kind of way. Kick-rear end was at least tons better than Kick-rear end 2 by virtue of feeling like a single coherent movie instead of improv comedy troupe performing at comic-con then pause movie for half an hour for a recap to the plot of Mean Girls.
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Jan 8, 2022 18:56
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THE WORLD'S BIGGEST FRIDAY RETROSPECTIVE WEEK ONE  Ticks! So here is what I remember about ticks. So there's these kids and their parents are dropping them off under a bridge, we find out this is so they can get picked up for some kind of youth camp. Why didn't they just drive their kids to the camp? Is this the halfway point? This filthy graffiti covered underpass? Doesn't matter. So they get taken by the worst camp councilors in the world to this camp and then the two councilors proceed to completely abandon the group so they can just go gently caress. Happens all the time. Meanwhile, unbeknownst to the worst camp councilors ever there are  MARIJUANA FARMERS nearby and they're using STEROIDS on their crop so that it's extra muscular or something. The steroids leak into the groundsoil and create the Ticks, gigantic bloodsucking plastic toys that make you trip balls if they bite you. I'm decently sure the Ticks themselves never kill a single person in this movie on their own.So Carlton from Fresh Prince is in this movie and he gets bit by the ticks after they murder his dog. So he's tripping balls and wanders up to the weed rednecks who iirc shoot him twice. He survives this, exposure to the elements and the tick bites to eventually return to camp where he collapses and then molts into a giant mutant tick. This was probably the only cool part of the movie. So anyway he kills the rednecks in his new giant tick form. Then the cabin burns down or something. During all of this our main character is like a "on the wrong side of the tracks" kinda kid who is good at heart but has made some mistakes and so people think he's deranged or something. I dunno. He sucks and Carlton rules. Pretty sure he and one of the girls who went to camp with him escape in a car or something. I dunno gently caress it. Ticks.  Radioactive Dreams! This one was tough for me mostly because at the end of a movie you kinda have to make a call on whether you would recommend anyone else on this planet watch these turdbombs and this one rides the line I think. Don't watch Ticks. So, what happens is basically the story of every Fallout game ever made, there's these two babies who are playing trucks or something outside of a nuclear bomb shelter, ya know, the way ya do. Then a nuclear bomb goes off so the two car mechanics who are working out of the nuclear bomb shelter run over and grab the kids and bring them down into the shelter. The movie never clarifies whether these people are or aren't actually their biological parents but I seem to recall it heavily implying they aren't. I was probably drinking by that point in the plot though. So, the mechanics raise these children with the only stuff they have in the shelter, detective stories and car repair tips. Then one day the mechanics decide they're done living in a bomb shelter with these toddlers and they completely abandon them. These toddlers become our main characters, living probably another decade in this shelter. Somehow. So our story begins when they start up the car, hitch up a trailer and then exit the bunker to go see what's left of the world. Somehow they don't discover the mechanics are completely dead from radiation poisoning on the front porch or anything and they don't die themselves. So, they drive around and run into a sexy lady just chilling out among the massive piles of garbage and debris not unlike the much better scene in Mad Max Fury Road. So they do what any stereotypical noir detectives would do and they pull over to rescue the dame. She steals one of their revolvers but as coincidence would have it she drops the key you need to arm a nuclear bomb in their car so basically this movie can be summarized with 'Hijinks Ensue'. At this point little kids dressed as elvis or some poo poo show up as a street gang and they have guns and they swear a lot. They were the best thing about this movie. They don't shoot our main characters and so the plot has no choice but to continue. "Civilization" as it stands in the ruined world consists of a bunch of gangs that are organized based around whether you're a 50's greaser, or a 70's hippy or you dress up like elvis. We spend some time with the 50's greasers and nothing happens. We spend some time with the 70's hippies and basically nothing happens. Then the movie reaches its climax where all the gangs are going after the detectives because they want to set off the nuclear bomb. That's right, they don't want to threaten to set off the nuclear bomb. They don't want to leverage it at all. They just loving want to detonate it. I don't even think the movie ever addresses if they're intending to point it at someone and fire it off like a missile they just want to launch that poo poo and "end the world". So then the detectives meet the mechanics who put them in the bunker and who are dressed up like they are heavily mutated lizard people. Turns out it's just a costume they decided to wear for whatever reason and they're totally fine.  No seriously. So anyway some stuff happens and the detectives fight off all the gangs or something. Then they decide to keep the key instead of destroying it or anything, because you never know when you're gonna need a nuclear bomb. So the problem I have with this movie is it's 90 minutes long and my summary covered about fifteen minutes. There are occasional bright spots that are really good and occasional things that are so bad that you're gonna laugh but most of the movie is just like slogging through a swamp. There is no reward it's just something you have to be perverse enough to enjoy for its own sake and I can't in good conscience inflict that on people.  Zen Kwun Do Strikes In Paris! This movie is just wonderful. The action isn't spectacular but they're not loving up or anything, it's what you'd call serviceable. The plot is adequately batshit for a movie of this caliber. The idea is our main character is super karate dude and he makes films in his spare time. His dad gets kidnapped or murdered or something and the cops in paris call super karate dude to come solve the case for them because they suck rear end and he's amazing. In this universe everyone wears the flag of their home country as their Gi except for super karate dude. So he has to fight the american champion, the japanese champion and then the european champion in a series of bouts for reasons that are never adequately explained. It's pretty freaking good. Then he and the european champion get on a boat together and put down some gym mats and have a climactic final battle. I should probably mention here the 'epic fight music' is a real highlight of this movie and you can hear it here. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZdqErctw-iE&t=350s So I'm pretty sure this guy owns the boat and also is the real murderer or something.  After getting his fill of two martial artists fighting it out on his boat he joins in on the action and gets his rear end beat. I think the cops then arrest him but that's 100% speculatory. CONTINUED IN PART 2
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Jan 8, 2022 18:57
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reignofevil posted:
I feel like you should have mentioned the music. I loved the music in this movie. Though I may also have been the only one watching who really enjoyed this movie. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NRfyPGE38Cc
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Jan 8, 2022 19:09
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Monkey paw curls so hard that it forms a clenched fist that can be used as a battering ram lmao
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Jan 8, 2022 19:22
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priznat posted:Ellis is interesting because while I find the Boys comics pretty terrible the show has greatly been elevated above the source material, the showrunner Eric Kripke probably a big reason for this along with the awesome cast.
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Jan 8, 2022 19:40
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Keromaru5 posted:You're thinking of Garth Ennis. Ellis wrote Castlevania, Transmetropolitan, and Nextwave: Agents of H.A.T.E. Oops, yeah the Boys one, his comics are pretty edgelordy too.
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Jan 8, 2022 19:43
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Arc Hammer posted:Millar just enjoys being a grotesque edgelord. Let's not forget that his comic Wanted ends with a multi-page monologue where the protagonist directly addresses the reader, admonishes them for being pathetic, and ends with this splash page:  (Oh yeah, and of course he had the protagonist look exactly like Eminem, because that makes it easier for idiots in Hollywood to decide to option the comic for a movie.)
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Jan 8, 2022 19:55
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I mean WTF he didn't even get to fight Bautista!
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Jan 8, 2022 19:59
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LanceHunter posted:(Oh yeah, and of course he had the protagonist look exactly like Eminem, because that makes it easier for idiots in Hollywood to decide to option the comic for a movie.) The main female character was drawn to look like Halle Berry, too So of course the movie had the leads played by Angelina Jolie and some guy that definitely wasn't Eminem
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Jan 8, 2022 19:59
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LanceHunter posted:(Oh yeah, and of course he had the protagonist look exactly like Eminem, because that makes it easier for idiots in Hollywood to decide to option the comic for a movie.)
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Jan 8, 2022 20:04
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So you’re telling me he writes stupid loud garbage for idiots, where he tells you what to think and how to turn it into a movie? Yeah. Makes sense why he’s had everything he’s ever made optioned for a movie.
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Jan 8, 2022 20:08
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reignofevil posted:At this point little kids dressed as elvis or some poo poo show up as a street gang and they have guns and they swear a lot. They were the best thing about this movie. They don't shoot our main characters and so the plot has no choice but to continue. they were the "disco mutants", who I think were meant to be adult mutants who look like children and dress like john travolta in saturday night fever https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ilsmoW5X-Mg
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Jan 8, 2022 20:09
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Mark Millar is fine. Seems like a nice guy.
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Jan 8, 2022 20:13
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CelticPredator posted:
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Jan 8, 2022 20:19
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reignofevil posted:CONTINUED IN PART 2 So where were we, ah yes. WEEK TWO  Elves! The ONLY film where you can say the nazis conspired to create the perfect incest baby so she could become the birth-mother of the antichrist. Or maybe it was an army of super-soldiers or something. I dunno the whole thing seems kinda poorly thought out if you think about it. So what happens is there are these girls and they decide christmas sucks or something so they convene the sisterhood of antichristmas or some poo poo. This one girl, who was the incestbaby, is has stolen her grandfather's elves-book and she drew a girl with banging tits and swastikas on her nipples on the page. Somehow this means ELVES are resurrected from a slumber that I assume began when Germany lost WW2. Meanwhile there's a fat old schlubby guy who needs a job. He used to be a cop or a detective or something. So he gets a job as santa because the ELVES (who are now following incest-lady around so they can impregnate her) notice the santa the mall would normally go with is being emotionally and sexually abusive toward our incest-protagonist (the infamous santa wants oral scene). I'm just gonna call her our protagonist from now on but I promise this will come up later. So the elves murdered the weird pervert santa and so we get fat schlubby santa instead. He's like our action hero kinda roll and he kills nazis and doesn't feel bad about it or anything. He's pretty cool. It's a good time to bring up that our protagonist-lady's mom is a loving sociopath and she drowns her daughter's cat in a toilet because she mistook the elf-scratches on her son for cat scratches. Elves are just running around attacking people basically but nobody can see them even in plain sight because they're tiny or something. So meanwhile incest-lady and her anti-christmas friends all pick boys they wanna gently caress and invite them to break into the mall where they work at night so they can gently caress in the tents. It goes terribly awry and between the elves and the nazis who attack the building basically everybody gets killed. Oh, I guess we should talk about the nazis who attack. You see protagonist-lady's grandpa is a nazi who impregnated his daughter and the result was protagonist lady, but that's not all because he's also friends with several other nazis. They figure out that his grand-daughter had unleashed the ELVES and so they decide to go guns blazing to save her from.... Her friends. I dunno. Schlubby santa gets involved and so he becomes a target, he dispatches of the nazi's pretty effortlessly throughout the course of the movie. There's a cool scene where something explodes after a brief car engagement (chase is too strong a word). Then nothing happens and we get a bunch of exposition for a while. Colloquially we refer to them as elves. Etc. I genuinely don't remember how this movie ends, I think protagonist lady gets chased into a graveyard by the elves (well, elf) and then it impregnates her or something. The final shot is the little baby embryo developing inside protagonist-lady or something. Keep on demanding that sequel everybody and warner brothers is sure to relent!  Tracker 2007! This movie is very Utah. Feels very mormon. The strengths of the movie are that the natural beauty all around them is gorgeous and they actually put in the effort to go find some neat looking locations to do their incredibly stale acting over their tired kidnapping plot. I think the highlight is probably the rock-fields where they all had been eroded into looking like dicks sticking up out of the ground, I haven't checked or anything but iirc they filmed a sequence in Galaxy Quest in the same location. So the plot is that our main dude wants to force his friends to go hiking with him but everybody hates hiking so he's instead wrapping it up in the concept of "GeoCaching" so he can pretend his life has meaning and he isn't just a drain on everyone around him. Some of this might be editorializing on my own part. So what he does is he goes into a geochaching IRC channel and contacts complete strangers asking them to hide something from him and then tell him where it is. That's how geocaching actually works don't shoot me I'm just the messenger. He ends up taking a mission from username Tracker67 (or something like that) who proceeds to find out who this guy is IRL, let the air out of one of his tires and then he hides in the bushes while main-guy drives off with a hosed up tire. The time it takes main guy and his friends (we'll get to them in a minute) gives Tracker67 the time he needs to break into main guy's house and kidnap his sister, who is way too cool to go geocaching. If you guessed that the sister would be the 'prize' for completing this totally epic geocache you'd be correct and you'd also still have to watch at least an hour of movie. So our team of plucky mystery-solvers are main-guy, girlfriend and Trevor. Trevor is definitely the best part of the movie and he really should have been the bad guy, he wasn't though. Technically the timeline makes it impossible for him to be the bad-guy but gently caress it I was ready to completely absolve the movie of things like "logic" or "continuity" if it had decided it wanted to do something interesting. The reason Trevor even cares about any of this (he aint big on walking) is because he's dating protagonist dude's sister. She's too good for him. From here imagine if the movie was a really lame version of the DaVinci Code except you're solving riddles or whenever the riddles give out Tracker67 will instead provide you with a routine algebra equation with X provided for you.Thrilling stuff. They visit a ruined structure with graffiti that looks kinda cool. They visit a river that looks kinda cool. They visit the field of dicks, looks kinda cool. They visit 7/11 and get energy drinks, did not look cool. They visit a rattlesnake in a rattle-snake hole. Looked kinda cool. Then they drive back into town and they visit a rental property where the final clue is stuffed into the 'buyers information' cylinders that real estate agents will attach to the for sale sign. Then they discover the secret final location where they'll find Trevor's girlfriend/protagonist's sister is actually..... The protagonist's own house! They totally failed to find her when they first searched the house at the beginning of the movie when they discovered she was missing. You see, they have an ice-chest style freezer and it has a wooden false bottom. Seriously. There's a sometimes-there sometimes-not hole in the bottom of the freezer that exists depending on whether the water-level needs to be able to flow up above sister's nose or not. We cut to the sister multiple times over the course of this 24 hour movie as the water is just slowly rising, she never does anything and fails to rescue herself. So anyway at basically the EXACT last second they find her, figure out how to open the lock on the false-wooden-bottom of their own freezer and then they rescue sister. That's right if they had just skipped one visit to 7/11 they would have cleared this whole thing with time to spare. The conclusion of the movie is protagonist dude thanks Tracker67 for the geocache that "he'll never forget" and he doesn't even get him banned from the IRC channel or anything. Always use that report button folks or else mods can't save you from poo poo like this. We find out at the end of the movie that Tracker67 is protagonist guy's neighbor or something which legitimately makes no sense. The conclusion of the film is Tracker67 contacting another hapless idiot who presumably he ISN'T next door neighbors with so how about you explain to me what the gently caress he's gonna do with that one, batman.  God And Spies Based On A True Story This film attempts to depict the actual events where the united states tried to spy on the soviet diplomatic cables, got discovered because they got ratted out by some poor person who owed less than one hundred thousand dollars in debt and then the united states proceeded to pretend actually we love being owned. The movie spins it like it's a great victory or something and then sheepishly admits to all of this in a slideshow at the end of the film, trying to emphasize that the year or so we successfully managed to intercept those cables was well worth looking like incompetent morons and giving over the induction-tap to the soviets. I dunno how much of this reflects the actual situation over there but in the movie the soviets aren't aware that there's any way to tap an insulated cable underwater without actually cutting into the cable and shorting it, and we had found a way. Well, they definitely figured it out pretty loving quickly. So the actual movie is about the most whiny sub-crewman on the planet. He's religious, his family isn't. He decides to go be a diver to impress his dad or something because his dad watched a scuba diver one time or something. This movie was definitely put together by a church-group. The film has some parts shot on a museum-submarine and honestly those parts look pretty good. Then it has parts where they just had to take a picture of the inside of a sub and use greenscreen to make a seamless background. It's pretty wonderful. Other times there's bargain bin CGI that makes the PS1 look high polygon. Also pretty great. Finally there's the running B plot at the united nations or whatever the gently caress where people with the worst pretend soviet accents in the world sit in front of highly official index cards at what are probably sunday school desks or some poo poo. They even film in a flowershop at one point for that perfect The Room feel. These sequences are for sure the high point of the movie. So our main guy wants to be a diver, and probably half an hour of this movie is sitting in various training classes he has to take to qualify while old people explain how the sub works to him and his fellow crewmembers. Then he gets onto the sub and he still doesn't know if he's actually gonna go on the dive or not (it works kinda like how on the moon landing there's the one guy who didn't get to actually go onto the surface or some poo poo) and so instead he just spends two months at sea attending church-functions in the empty torpedo bay. His pastor on the sub keeps telling him 'stop wanting to do stuff and just tell God you're gonna trust him' and he doesn't, so his pastor on the sub tells him 'stop wanting to do stuff and just tell God you're gonna trust him' and he doesn't so the pastor on the sub tells him 'stop wanting to do stuff and just tell God you're gonna trust him' so he does and then he immediately gets handed his orders for going on the dive crew. So he does the dive and attaches the wiretap to the wire. Then he sails home. The other other B-plot is he keeps calling his dad and telling him that Jesus is pretty awesome and his dad is like 'why are you bothering me with this poo poo' but when he gets home from being a big fancy submarine diver he's like "yo dad do you want to accept Jesus Christ into your life" and his dad is like "yes", think about how Indiana Jones said "Part Time" and then imagine he instead was saying "Yes", that's how that line got delivered. The movie ends with them praying together and then a lengthy slideshow talking about the historical aspects of the film. This movie has way more jesus stuff in it than I even covered but you know what? loving watch it anyway. CONTINUED IN PART 3 reignofevil fucked around with this message at 20:34 on Jan 8, 2022 |
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Jan 8, 2022 20:20
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Quantum of Phallus posted:Mark Millar is fine. Seems like a nice guy. Shame he's such a poo poo writer
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Jan 8, 2022 20:31
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glad 2 see kingsman hate. I've been seeing praise for that church scene recently and it's making me feel gaslight because gently caress I hated it viscerally.
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Jan 8, 2022 20:33
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I am hype for this: Wes Anderson assembles whimsical crew of famous men for his next Roald Dahl adaptation quote:Wes Anderson doesn’t do the “adapted screenplay” thing very often—only once, in point of fact. But when he does it, he does it for Roald Dahl. I still have my copy of this from when I was a kid, it rules he’s doing a few of the stories in it. Famethrowa posted:glad 2 see kingsman hate. I've been seeing praise for that church scene recently and it's making me feel gaslight because gently caress I hated it viscerally. Corridor Crew (who I like) heaped praise on it but they’re coming at it from a technical perspective and that’s somewhat understandable I suppose. It is a bit impressive from a choreography and seamless cutting perspective. priznat fucked around with this message at 20:36 on Jan 8, 2022 |
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Jan 8, 2022 20:34
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