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I searched all over my house for my cigarettes (don't smoke, kids) and couldn't find them anywhere. I knew I had a full, just-opened pack, but they were nowhere to be found. I looked in all my usual coat pockets, all of my dresser drawers, and even reached my hand behind the couch cushions just in case. I finally assumed they disappered into the Twilight Zone, and put on my new jacket my parents gave me for Christmas, to go buy a new pack. Lo and behold, they were in the right hand pocket of said jacket. I forgot that I put on that particular clothing item last night when I went outside for a smoke. So what I just figured out is that I am quite willing to accept that the Twilight Zone is a real and probable thing. Thanks, Rod Serling.
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Jan 12, 2022 02:07
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Woodsheds: you use them to store wood, so it stays dry. Couple months ago: Warehouses: they're where you house wares.
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Jan 12, 2022 06:47
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Beachcomber posted:Woodsheds: you use them to store wood, so it stays dry. Just wait until you find out what wardrobes do!
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Jan 12, 2022 08:39
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No one tell him where toothpaste comes from
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Jan 12, 2022 09:02
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I had a friend years ago who would always tell the worst jokes. One of them was: "Why do you call it breakfast? Because it's when you break your fast!" 
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Jan 12, 2022 09:17
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Captain Splendid posted:I had a friend years ago who would always tell the worst jokes. I understand why you stopped being friends with them.
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Jan 12, 2022 09:21
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Samovar posted:I understand why you stopped being friends with them. Right about the time I replied with: "Why do you call it a toothbrush, dipshit?"
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Jan 12, 2022 09:24
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Captain Splendid posted:Right about the time I replied with: Because you use it to toot your HBRUSHes?
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Jan 12, 2022 09:26
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Clarence posted:Just wait until you find out what wardrobes do! Where else am I gonna drobe all my wars?!?
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Jan 12, 2022 09:57
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Today I discovered that twist-to-open tampon wrappers apparently have a right and a wrong way to twist them, and the fact that I'm left handed means that I twist them the wrong way, and this is why I've struggled with the bloody things for a decade and a half 
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Jan 12, 2022 10:44
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Lady Disdain posted:Today I discovered that twist-to-open tampon wrappers apparently have a right and a wrong way to twist them, and the fact that I'm left handed means that I twist them the wrong way, and this is why I've struggled with the bloody things for a decade and a half If they're already bloody when you open the package then something has gone very badly wrong
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Jan 12, 2022 13:07
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Some day I hope we can finally have peacedrobes.
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Jan 12, 2022 13:31
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Baron von Eevl posted:Some day I hope we can finally have peacedrobes. I just drobbed a peace in ur garderobe xd.
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Jan 12, 2022 13:33
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The Mighty Moltres posted:I searched all over my house for my cigarettes (don't smoke, kids) and couldn't find them anywhere. No way Serling wouldn't have smoked them all.
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Jan 12, 2022 13:49
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Captain Splendid posted:Right about the time I replied with: You know how you know the toothbrush was invented in Alabama? Anywhere else and it'd be a teethbrush 
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Jan 12, 2022 16:48
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Lady Disdain posted:Today I discovered that twist-to-open tampon wrappers apparently have a right and a wrong way to twist them, and the fact that I'm left handed means that I twist them the wrong way, and this is why I've struggled with the bloody things for a decade and a half This is what people should post in the schadenfreude thread, but I'm still waiting for them to figure out what the word means. Also my stomach hurts now because I laughed to hard. Karma.
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Jan 12, 2022 17:12
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Lady Disdain posted:Today I discovered that twist-to-open tampon wrappers apparently have a right and a wrong way to twist them, and the fact that I'm left handed means that I twist them the wrong way, and this is why I've struggled with the bloody things for a decade and a half Are they not lefty-loosey? I hate stuff that decides to do it backwards. I have some paint markers like that and accidentally start unscrewing them almost every time.
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Jan 12, 2022 17:22
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I think it just varies by brand. Some have arrows indicating direction, some don't have arrows so gently caress you just guess, some have a dotted line in the middle and it doesn't matter which way you twist.
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Jan 12, 2022 17:46
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You have to figure out if your vagina is a left-hand corkscrew or righthand corkscrew and buy the appropriate brand.
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Jan 12, 2022 18:07
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DrBouvenstein posted:You have to figure out if your vagina is a left-hand corkscrew or righthand corkscrew and buy the appropriate brand. "Intervaginal rifling" is the medical term
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Jan 12, 2022 18:40
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Brawnfire posted:"Intervaginal rifling" I think I've seen that video
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Jan 12, 2022 18:43
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Captain Hygiene posted:I think I've seen that video The wierdest Forgotten Weapons episode yet.
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Jan 12, 2022 18:48
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Weembles posted:The wierdest Forgotten Weapons episode yet. Weapon of Choice is a music video
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Jan 12, 2022 18:59
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DrBouvenstein posted:You have to figure out if your vagina is a left-hand corkscrew or righthand corkscrew and buy the appropriate brand. I thought that was determined by growing up north or south of the equator. Or I was it side-sleeper versus back-sleeper? Sex ed at my school wasn't very good.
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Jan 12, 2022 19:03
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DrBouvenstein posted:You have to figure out if your vagina is a left-hand corkscrew or righthand corkscrew and buy the appropriate brand. Is this why some people are born left-handed?
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Jan 12, 2022 19:33
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CellBlock posted:Is this why some people are born left-handed? Everyone's looking for their lobster
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Jan 12, 2022 20:47
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DrBouvenstein posted:You have to figure out if your vagina is a left-hand corkscrew or righthand corkscrew and buy the appropriate brand. Tampons for ducks
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Jan 12, 2022 21:12
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CellBlock posted:Is this why some people are born left-handed? It's an adaption for living in Australia that sometimes shows up in the wrong places, like being a supertaster.
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Jan 13, 2022 08:11
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christmas boots posted:Tampons for ducks Don't be silly, everyone knows ducks use quaxi pads.
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Jan 13, 2022 16:34
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Why does being a supertaster help you live in Australia?
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Jan 13, 2022 16:35
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Try a Looncup
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Jan 13, 2022 16:36
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In the virgin/chad meme, chad doesn't have his head on backwards, and the bulge at his middle is supposed to be his dick, not his arse. His whole body is facing left, same as his head. I was seeing the left foot as a right foot facing the other way, too.
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Jan 15, 2022 23:22
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Hyperlynx posted:In the virgin/chad meme, chad doesn't have his head on backwards, and the bulge at his middle is supposed to be his dick, not his arse. His whole body is facing left, same as his head. His head is also the shape of the country
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Jan 16, 2022 01:17
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Many cellars have TV and radio antenna outlets because they're also emergency shelters  "remain indoors and listen to the public broadcast" is kinda hard without one if you're under ground.
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Jan 18, 2022 07:01
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When you deign to do something you judge it worthy of action. If you disdain from something then you judge it unworthy of action. Both words are derived from the Old French deignier "to judge worthy", they just ended up spelled differently in English because English is a lovely mongrel language with no set rules. https://www.etymonline.com/word/disdain https://www.etymonline.com/word/deign
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Jan 19, 2022 06:09
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Snowglobe of Doom posted:When you deign to do something you judge it worthy of action. If you disdain from something then you judge it unworthy of action. Both words are derived from the Old French deignier "to judge worthy", they just ended up spelled differently in English because English is a lovely mongrel language with no set rules. become ungrammarable. embrace chaos.
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Jan 19, 2022 07:05
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TK-42-1 posted:become ungrammarable. embrace chaos. Orthography isn't grammar.
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Jan 19, 2022 11:09
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You can just gently pull apart cream cheese packets instead of messily ripping them open from one side like a savage.
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Jan 19, 2022 12:06
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exquisite tea posted:You can just gently pull apart cream cheese packets instead of messily ripping them open from one side like a savage. Oh my GOD last week I was trying to pull apart a mozzarella cheese stick package, the kind that is like a slim Jim, and I spent a real five minutes trying to tear it in half at the top before I accidentally applied just a little force to the front face and found out the whole thing was seamed to open that way.
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Jan 19, 2022 13:09
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Jack B Nimble posted:Oh my GOD last week I was trying to pull apart a mozzarella cheese stick package, the kind that is like a slim Jim, and I spent a real five minutes trying to tear it in half at the top before I accidentally applied just a little force to the front face and found out the whole thing was seamed to open that way. bite the side about half way down with your canine then pull down and rip it open. remove cheese easily and enjoy.
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Jan 19, 2022 13:57
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