UKMT January 2022 - Whitby Cough Weekend - The Something Awful Forums

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Failed Imagineer: Sep 22, 2018

goddamnedtwisto posted:

Ex-Soviet nuclear weapons aren't really that big an issue - the majority of their warheads were MIRVs in ICBMs and SLBMs. These are big bits of kit (from phone box size to maybe half that), which are themselves bolted into very large bits of kit, which are in turn in big, well-defended places. Someone would *probably* have noticed a couple of them going walkies, and the Soviets had actual working permissive action links on them so getting one to go bang isn't just a matter of hooking up a battery and an alarm clock.

The huge worry was always the smaller tactical weapons - not *quite* briefcase nukes, but certainly small enough to fit in the back of a Lada if you fold the seats down - going missing, or at the outside an entire MRBM or two going missing - the latter was considered the absolute worst-case scenario because the entire world is dotted with rocket forces that know how to get a Scud up and down so had they been able to work out the trigger mechanisms they'd have had a ready-made nuclear weapons system. Fortunately the stocks of these had been massively wound down throughout the 80s because of a series of treaties, and the West absolutely flooded the ex-Soviet rocket forces with cash and other assistance to make sure that all of the rest were accounted for.

The most plausible actual threat was large amounts of fissile material going missing - while like I say somebody's going to notice an entire SSN-20 under your coat as you clocked out of Archangelsk, being able to get a couple of cores out of some warheads was something that might have been technically feasible in the early 90s. A state with decent engineering knowhow could probably create viable devices out of them, although it was the prospect of just blowing them up with some Semtex - a "dirty bomb" - that concentrated the paranoia of the 90s and 00s, even if the actual explosion would definitely kill a lot more people than the radioactive contamination.

Just to calm any remaining worries you might have that Luxembourg are suddenly going to become a rogue nuclear state though - the cores of nuclear weapons degrade over time. After 5 years the tritium in a boosted-fission device has decayed enough that it can no longer meaningfully increase the yield, after 10 the lithium deuteride in thermonuclear devices likewise. Pure fission devices remain viable for several hundred years (depending on purity) but the Soviets had no pure fission devices in their inventory by the 70s at the latest - and they were *well* behind in the maintenance of their warheads by the time the Soviet Union fell (one early paranoia about Putin was that the Russians entered a crash programme of maintenance of their weapons as almost his first act in power, and this was used as post-facto justification for the Trident programme, which came on-stream 2 years after the end of the Cold War). Any weapons that did go walkies during the 90s are basically now extremely heavy doorstops.

Well yeah, but that's just like...your opinion mate.

Interesting that all those Nevada nukes led John Wayne and all those other fake cowboy goofballs filming out in the flatlands to an early grave

E: 1959 Gregory Peck stars in On The Beach, a fun post-apocalyptic surf movie which catapults The Beach Boys into the charts

Failed Imagineer fucked around with this message at 18:02 on Jan 13, 2022

# ? Jan 13, 2022 17:59

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# ? May 20, 2024 21:09

OwlFancier: Aug 22, 2013

Not even the worst thing about The Conqueror IMO.

Though watching half the cast doing racist accents and john wayne just sounding like a cowboy caveman with his eyes superglued together is funny in a :stare:

kind of way.

# ? Jan 13, 2022 18:00

Failed Imagineer: Sep 22, 2018

OwlFancier posted:

Not even the worst thing about The Conqueror IMO.

Though watching half the cast doing racist accents and john wayne just sounding like a cowboy caveman with his eyes superglued together is funny in a kind of way.

If Johnson ever had to visit Mongolia for some reason you just know he would bring this up

# ? Jan 13, 2022 18:03

OwlFancier: Aug 22, 2013

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zsqlYsdPKSc

He is like that through the whole movie.

# ? Jan 13, 2022 18:07

goddamnedtwisto: Dec 31, 2004; If you ask me about the mole people in the London Underground, I WILL be forced to kill you; Fun Shoe

ThomasPaine posted:

Well poo poo, that's actually really interesting, thanks.

I didn't know about the west pumping loads of money into making sure things were accounted for, but I guess it would absolutely be in everyone's interest. For some reason I just pictured a bunch of Soviet soldiers and engineers at some barely known silo in rural Tajikistan shrugging and jumping on the lorry back to Moscow in 1991, leaving everything to rot.

It's wild to me that they used to do nuclear tests in plain view of a major city. You'd think people would regularly be getting blinded and crashing their cars and generally making GBS threads their pants every time one went off etc.

Fortunately by definition the shorter the range of the weapon, the more likely it was to be stored somewhere easily accessible by the West. The most dangerous weapons - theatre-scale weapons like the Scud and Scaleboard - were all within a few hundred miles of the border, and (handily) were all on self-propelled launchers so could be, and were, run straight back to Mother Russia when the republics all got a bit too republic-y because if nothing else if someone was going to make a profit off flogging nukes to the Vatican they wanted to make sure it wasn't those bloody Azerbaijanis.

# ? Jan 13, 2022 18:07

fuctifino: Jun 11, 2001

On the subject of old leaking and rusty nuclear deterrents, the MOD still hasn't done anything about the nuclear submarine graveyard in Plymouth. Some have been sat there since 1991, and at least 9 of them still have fuel.

fuctifino fucked around with this message at 18:14 on Jan 13, 2022

# ? Jan 13, 2022 18:09

Guavanaut: Nov 27, 2009; Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998; Toilet Rascal

OwlFancier posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zsqlYsdPKSc

He is like that through the whole movie.

It's like Blazing Saddles if Blazing Saddles was completely sincere and not deliberately aware of what it was doing.

# ? Jan 13, 2022 18:09

Failed Imagineer: Sep 22, 2018

OwlFancier posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zsqlYsdPKSc

He is like that through his whole movie career.

Ftfy tbh.

This also exactly what I want from DUNC, pt.II (2023)

# ? Jan 13, 2022 18:11

Failed Imagineer: Sep 22, 2018

fuctifino posted:

On the subject of old leaking and rusty nuclear deterrents, the MOD still hasn't done anything about the nuclear submarine graveyard in Plymouth. Some of those subs were taken out of service over 20 years ago. Some have been sat there since 1991, and at least 9 of them still have fuel.

Goonfleet when

# ? Jan 13, 2022 18:13

WhatEvil: Jun 6, 2004; Can't get no luck.

Speaking of conspiracy theory poo poo, has anybody seen this?

https://twitter.com/_Jekanyika/status/1481330012125081621?s=20

# ? Jan 13, 2022 18:13

fuctifino: Jun 11, 2001

https://twitter.com/meganspecia/status/1481675437545771009

# ? Jan 13, 2022 18:13

The Question IRL: Jun 8, 2013; Only two contestants left! Here is Doom's chance for revenge...

I remember speaking to my Master about what he did before he was a Barrister.
He told me that when he was still living in America he went to one of those military academies with a view to becoming an officer in one of the branches of the US military. (The Army I think.)

He described one class where they were explaining nuclear weapons and they started talking about Davy Crockets and the other man portable Nuclear motors, and basically a bunch of the other officer cadets got REALLY enthusiastic about the prospect of using these things.

It was at that point, he told me, that he realized that he and the military weren't going to be a good fit.

# ? Jan 13, 2022 18:15

Failed Imagineer: Sep 22, 2018

fuctifino posted:

https://twitter.com/meganspecia/status/1481675437545771009

Lol yess you know this pointless pageant bullshit will upset him so much

# ? Jan 13, 2022 18:18

happyhippy: Feb 21, 2005; Playing games, watching movies, owning goons. 'sup; Pillbug

fuctifino posted:

https://twitter.com/meganspecia/status/1481675437545771009

Was a matter of time.
It wasn't mentioned much in the news, but one or more of the army regiments he was 'leader' of were campaigning the last few years to get him removed for his services to noncing.

# ? Jan 13, 2022 18:22

blunt: Jul 7, 2005

WhatEvil posted:

Speaking of conspiracy theory poo poo, has anybody seen this?

https://twitter.com/_Jekanyika/status/1481330012125081621?s=20

this guy? Gonna need to hear it from someone else.

# ? Jan 13, 2022 18:27

Small Strange Bird: Sep 22, 2006; Merci, chaton!

"Prince Andrew is having his royal and military titles and affiliations taken away from him. But it's entirely coincidental, he's not a nonce and is in no danger of being found to be one in a court of law!"

# ? Jan 13, 2022 18:36

Guavanaut: Nov 27, 2009; Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998; Toilet Rascal

Nonce-omissioned officer

# ? Jan 13, 2022 18:37

OwlFancier: Aug 22, 2013

If the queen has them back she might want to wash them before she uses them.

# ? Jan 13, 2022 18:38

domhal: Dec 30, 2008; 0.000% of Communism has been built. Evil child-murdering billionaires still rule the world with a shit-eating grin. All he has managed to do is make himself *sad*. It has, however, made him into a very, very smart boy with something like a university degree in Truth. Instead of building Communism, he now builds a precise model of this grotesque, duplicitous world.

https://twitter.com/chrisdeerin/status/1481589006215303171

"So glad I don't have to go there" Johnson, possibly.

# ? Jan 13, 2022 18:45

fuctifino: Jun 11, 2001

Guavanaut posted:

Nonce-omissioned officer

# ? Jan 13, 2022 18:46

Umbra Dubium: Nov 23, 2007; The British Empire was built on cups of tea, and if you think I'm going into battle without one, you're sorely mistaken!

A STATEMENT REGARDING THE DUKE OF YORK

The Queen wishes to make it clear that the Duke of York has not "had" ten thousand men.

ENDS

# ? Jan 13, 2022 18:57

Guavanaut: Nov 27, 2009; Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998; Toilet Rascal

Regarde Aduck posted:

it's so similar to our own national delusion: uncontrollable ego and machismo unbound by physical reality

On one hand the Russian people know they're in a nadir of their culture, just like the UK, and make jokes at their own expense and lean into their own miserable existence as a joke (see all the videos about how hosed up everything is in Russia lol we're all drinking our selves to death). Without much warning this turns into "glorious Russia will grow strong, kneel, kneel Europeans, we're going to tactical nuke you if you don't give us your lunch money and also everywhere that has Russian expats is now technically Russia".

Reminds me of this thing that I read recently.

It's a bit middle class swanning around the isles and is aware of that, but it makes a valid point that these kinds of multinational states always seem to fail when they become nationalist vanity projects for the largest member, and that the British state seems to have given up on doing anything and has no idea what it even should be doing.

Maybe that's better than when it had ideas about colouring half the atlas in pink or civilizing the dark continent or getting in dick waving contests with the Tsar, but without some kind of vision beyond Cool Britannia you just end up with

domhal posted:

https://twitter.com/chrisdeerin/status/1481589006215303171

from the Conservative and Unionist Party, ranting English nationalism, and perpetual decline.

# ? Jan 13, 2022 18:59

Gonzo McFee: Jun 19, 2010

We should attack now, without their bravest warrior the British military will be in disarray.

# ? Jan 13, 2022 18:59

dr_rat: Jun 4, 2001

domhal posted:

https://twitter.com/chrisdeerin/status/1481589006215303171

"So glad I don't have to go there" Johnson, possibly.

Also possibly just scared of a reverse massacre of Glencoe.

# ? Jan 13, 2022 19:01

mrpwase: Apr 21, 2010; I HAVE GREAT AVATAR IDEAS
For the Many, Not the Few

Umbra Dubium posted:

A STATEMENT REGARDING THE DUKE OF YORK

The Queen wishes to make it clear that the Duke of York has not "had" ten thousand men.

ENDS

Actually it's one man that is ten thousand years old so technically it's ok

# ? Jan 13, 2022 19:03

jiggerypokery: Feb 1, 2012; ...But I could hardly wait six months with a red hot jape like that under me belt.

Still calling him the "Duke of York" though apparently.

# ? Jan 13, 2022 19:04

Jaeluni Asjil: Apr 18, 2018; Sorry I thought you were a landlord when I gave you your old avatar!

One of my mother's cousins was in attendance at an atom bomb test in the 50s. I don't know where and he died a few years ago so I can't ask. She said he said they were told just to wear sun-glasses.

# ? Jan 13, 2022 19:06

bessantj: Jul 27, 2004

I've been working in Oxford this week and have come to the realisation that I'm becoming a middle age bigot. I've found myself irritated when English people mispronounce Welsh names. Even though I am [i]well[/] aware that it's a completely different language with different pronunciation rules that they couldn't possibly be expected to know. Gives me something to work on in the new year I suppose.

Also the amount of rotten wooden sleepers on the British rails is shocking.

# ? Jan 13, 2022 19:08

mrpwase: Apr 21, 2010; I HAVE GREAT AVATAR IDEAS
For the Many, Not the Few

Jaeluni Asjil posted:

One of my mother's cousins was in attendance at an atom bomb test in the 50s. I don't know where and he died a few years ago so I can't ask. She said he said they were told just to wear sun-glasses.

Good way to get an all-over tan i guess

# ? Jan 13, 2022 19:09

keep punching joe: Jan 22, 2006; Die Satan!

Aside from the probably getting cancer, good chance of blindness aspect. It would be pretty cool to witness a nuclear blast.

# ? Jan 13, 2022 19:10

goddamnedtwisto: Dec 31, 2004; If you ask me about the mole people in the London Underground, I WILL be forced to kill you; Fun Shoe

jiggerypokery posted:

Still calling him the "Duke of York" though apparently.

Duke of York, despite being a title given by the Queen, is not a royal title because this is a very normal country.

# ? Jan 13, 2022 19:15

Scikar: Nov 20, 2005; 5? Seriously?

The Question IRL posted:

I remember speaking to my Master about what he did before he was a Barrister.
He told me that when he was still living in America he went to one of those military academies with a view to becoming an officer in one of the branches of the US military. (The Army I think.)

He described one class where they were explaining nuclear weapons and they started talking about Davy Crockets and the other man portable Nuclear motors, and basically a bunch of the other officer cadets got REALLY enthusiastic about the prospect of using these things.

It was at that point, he told me, that he realized that he and the military weren't going to be a good fit.

Isn't the Davy Crocket the one where if fired, the chances of the operator surviving were not particularly great? Trying to work out whether to imagine they meant ordering others to use them, or a Strangelove thing.

# ? Jan 13, 2022 19:21

ThomasPaine: Feb 4, 2009; We have no compassion and we ask no compassion from you. When our turn comes, we shall not make excuses for the terror.

All I know about the Davy Crockett I learned from Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater

# ? Jan 13, 2022 19:23

bessantj: Jul 27, 2004

goddamnedtwisto posted:

Duke of York, despite being a title given by the Queen, is not a royal title because this is a very normal country.

What makes something a royal title?

# ? Jan 13, 2022 19:24

forkboy84: Jun 13, 2012; Corgis love bread. And Puro

OwlFancier posted:

Not even the worst thing about The Conqueror IMO.

Though watching half the cast doing racist accents and john wayne just sounding like a cowboy caveman with his eyes superglued together is funny in a kind of way.

The only good John Wayne related media: https://youtu.be/SoyusTUFdl0

# ? Jan 13, 2022 19:26

goddamnedtwisto: Dec 31, 2004; If you ask me about the mole people in the London Underground, I WILL be forced to kill you; Fun Shoe

keep punching joe posted:

Aside from the probably getting cancer, good chance of blindness aspect. It would be pretty cool to witness a nuclear blast.

The vast majority of deaths and injuries from nuclear weapons are from the blast and heat - as long as you take even basic precautions (decent sunglasses when the detonation actually occurs, don't hang around in the fallout zone), you're just as safe near a megaton nuclear detonation as you are near a million tons of TNT going off.

# ? Jan 13, 2022 19:28

Z the IVth: Jan 28, 2009; The trouble with your "expendable machines"; Fun Shoe

Scikar posted:

Isn't the Davy Crocket the one where if fired, the chances of the operator surviving were not particularly great? Trying to work out whether to imagine they meant ordering others to use them, or a Strangelove thing.

I did some reading about these once. The blast radius is about a mile?

That also happens to be the range so you're firing it and running the gently caress away and hoping for only second degree burns and a light bath of ionising radiation.

# ? Jan 13, 2022 19:31

happyhippy: Feb 21, 2005; Playing games, watching movies, owning goons. 'sup; Pillbug

bessantj posted:

What makes something a royal title?

Your great great great great great great great great grand parents need to massacre a farmer town to get a proper one.

# ? Jan 13, 2022 19:31

Chubby Henparty: Aug 13, 2007

Z the IVth posted:

I did some reading about these once. The blast radius is about a mile?

That also happens to be the range so you're firing it and running the gently caress away and hoping for only second degree burns and a light bath of ionising radiation.

while carrying the probably 50 pound launcher, thats govt property

# ? Jan 13, 2022 19:33

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# ? May 20, 2024 21:09

ThomasPaine: Feb 4, 2009; We have no compassion and we ask no compassion from you. When our turn comes, we shall not make excuses for the terror.

Z the IVth posted:

I did some reading about these once. The blast radius is about a mile?

That also happens to be the range so you're firing it and running the gently caress away and hoping for only second degree burns and a light bath of ionising radiation.

Or would they be designed to be fired specifically by mobile infantry? You fire it from the back of a land rover and then hoof it in the opposite direction?

# ? Jan 13, 2022 19:36

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