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That's not a good advertisement for your product if your pizza turns out looking like that.
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Jan 16, 2022 02:15
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This travesty deserves to be seen, not hide its shamefulness at the end of a page
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Jan 16, 2022 02:18
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Mmmmm yeah gimme that tender-middle pizza
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Jan 16, 2022 02:19
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Looks like a pound cake.
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Jan 16, 2022 02:24
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Sad that a once prominent cabana company thought they could make a fast buck in pizza shortening.
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Jan 16, 2022 02:29
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Dear God the recipe for the 'crust'. Cophra is vegetable shortening (crisco). The only other ingredients are eggs, milk, and instant potato flakes. You basically make a custard from those and let it set and then dump tomato sauce and anchovies on
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Jan 16, 2022 02:34
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Oh god that's Palmin, hardened and ~100% saturated coconut oil. Real Italian indeed. My parents bought that stuff in kilo blocks as frying oil  Even as that, stuff tasted funny but apparently it was so claggy it didn't sizzle/splash onto your skin or something. sauer kraut fucked around with this message at 02:38 on Jan 16, 2022 |
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Jan 16, 2022 02:35
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My "Not a Cophraphile" t-shirt is raising a lot of questions answered by my "Not a Cophraphile" t-shirt
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Jan 16, 2022 03:11
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what's that weird high-pitched "Oh no / Oh no / Oh no no no no" song that all the TikTok kids use? Because I immediately started hearing that when I saw this.
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Jan 16, 2022 04:25
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It's like they're following a pizza recipe from 500 years ago https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h6XvMKdD2tY
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Jan 16, 2022 04:38
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someone make this someone make this and post it
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Jan 16, 2022 05:53
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WonkyBob posted:"A piece by the lesser known artist Salvador Dalivery" I’m halfway down a bottle of Calvet Prestige right now and that looks extremely tempting.
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Jan 16, 2022 14:46
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Five whole slices of olive on half the pie, very bold direction with the toppings.
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Jan 16, 2022 15:10
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Can't overwhelm the strategically placed microdosed cheese
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Jan 16, 2022 15:33
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SniperWoreConverse posted:someone make this mods? advocating self harm?
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Jan 16, 2022 15:38
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Back when cheese cost extra
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Jan 16, 2022 15:38
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steinrokkan posted:Can't overwhelm the strategically placed microdosed cheese Marketing guy: "I don't know, man. Cheese on a pizza?"
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Jan 16, 2022 17:38
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SniperWoreConverse posted:someone make this I would, because I'm on a homemade pizza kick and I'm making one later today, but it calls for self-rising flour and potato flakes and other things I don't want to buy. Also this recipe sounds gross
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Jan 16, 2022 18:56
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 I'm pretty sure this is a "sure, you could" kind of thing
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Jan 17, 2022 02:32
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Captain Hygiene posted:
covered in nice garbage bags I see 
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Jan 17, 2022 02:40
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it's a dumb gimmick presentation but probably tastes fine... unlike Wet Pizza Sewer Box which I've seen a dozen times by now and still can't understand what's even happening 
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Jan 17, 2022 08:38
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Captain Hygiene posted:
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Jan 17, 2022 10:36
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https://twitter.com/leopoldofurtado/status/1476514933424766982
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Jan 17, 2022 17:05
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Once again I'm very tempted to change my name to STEVE PIZZA with those crabs as my av
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Jan 17, 2022 17:09
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SniperWoreConverse posted:someone make this the mise en place is prepared  dinner is going to be interesting tonight
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Jan 17, 2022 21:40
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Where is the claggy coconut shortening? Is it the silver tub? Did you have to buy that from some guys trunk at the Home Depot parking lot? Are you sure it is sufficiently claggy for the demands of the recipe ?
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Jan 17, 2022 21:45
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fartzilla posted:the mise en place is prepared Hell yeah, I salute/preemptively mourn you 
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Jan 17, 2022 21:46
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fartzilla posted:the mise en place is prepared Can’t wait for the update. If you don’t post the results I’m going to recommend a mod challenge
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Jan 17, 2022 21:47
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shadow puppet of a posted:Where is the claggy coconut shortening? Is it the silver tub? Did you have to buy that from some guys trunk at the Home Depot parking lot? Are you sure it is sufficiently claggy for the demands of the recipe ? I am making do with Crisco. I looked up Copha and I doubt I'll be able to get it, at least on short notice. So unfortunately this isn't going to be authentic Italian pizza, I hope you all will forgive me 
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Jan 17, 2022 21:48
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fartzilla posted:the mise en place is prepared 
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Jan 17, 2022 21:50
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With the Copha (Copha!) Cophacabana (Cophacabana!) The pizza oven north of Havana (Ah!) With the Copha (Copha!) Cophacabana Shortening and passion were made pizza fashion With the Copha I fell in love
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Jan 17, 2022 23:03
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fartzilla posted:the mise en place is prepared 
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Jan 17, 2022 23:19
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Sorry for keeping you all waiting, I didn't have any cheese. Actually that isn't true, I have some fresh mozzarella, and I went back and forth on whether I should waste it on this or not. After thinking about it, I realized the sad flakes of cheese are an integral part of the dish, and lord knows it has enough saturated fat already. So I went to the store. Some substitutions: Crisco instead of Copha, and I don't eat meat so pepperoncini peppers instead of anchovies. Hopefully I'm not bastardizing this classic of Italian cuisine too much with these subs. Sorry for the photos, the light is terrible in this part of my apartment. Anyway first here's the sauce. Nothing exciting, just a few small chopped whole tomatoes and a ton of tomato paste. Salt and herbs. No pepper, garlic, onions, or anything remotely interesting. It tastes vaguely tart, with a light aluminum aftertaste. Cooking it longer might have helped, but the recipe says 3 minutes of heating. I genuinely have no idea why, it didn't seem to do anything. I have nothing good or bad to say about it.  Oh hey, mashed potatoes. Who doesn't like mashed potatoes? Not a fan of the boxed type, but hey sometimes it's good to have in a pinch. I am OK with how things are unfolding so far.  Wait, what are you doing  what are you doing  
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Jan 17, 2022 23:46
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Jan 17, 2022 23:51
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Delighted with the added ingredient of future-past body snatcher Samuel Clemens. That will really bring out the authentic Italian flavours of shortening pizza.
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Jan 17, 2022 23:54
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the bad pizza thread has been my favorite thread for some time, but fartzilla is really going the extra mile. Thank you for your contributions, bad pizza comrade. I am so excited to see how this turns out.
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Jan 18, 2022 00:14
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Wow so whoops, something happened and I lost some photos of the mashed potatoes. They look like mashed potatoes, and they tasted like instant mashed potatoes with shortening in them. There was a terrifying 30 seconds after I mixed in the dry ingredients where I didn't think it would come together, but it did. The instructions said to knead lightly, and I did, and then it looked like a brain.  I added some water and kept kneading. It's smoother now, and I'm going to let it sit and see if the flour feels like doing any gluten development. Honestly I don't blame it if it doesn't want to. It smells like shortbread.  
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Jan 18, 2022 00:27
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So now we're at a crossroads, and I really hate to be that guy that casts doubt on a recipe but I divided the dough into thirds (I halved the recipe, no way in hell am I making six of these loving things) and 1/3 was too thin. Didn't look anything like the puffy, poundcake-like bread in the photo. So what you see below is 2/3 of the dough. There is a remaining third I'll keep off to the side to try later, probably once I switch from wine to cocaine. I'll let the photos speak for themselves.    
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Jan 18, 2022 01:00
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maybe should have kept more of it? I only say that since the OG recipe showed it to be stupidly thick? Like, I know that's not pizza as WE know it, but nothing else about it really screams 'this is pizza' either. You're still doing the lords work regardless.
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Jan 18, 2022 01:03
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Big Beef City posted:maybe should have kept more of it? I only say that since the OG recipe showed it to be stupidly thick? I believe the term is "dummy thicc" and it is not looking good so far, it's mostly staying thin with some huge bubbles in it. I am genuinely fighting with myself over this, there is the food nerd part of my brain that is trying to work through what I could do next time to make this look more like the photo versus the rational part of my brain telling me that this is morally wrong and I could have done something much more productive with my evening like watch a movie or call my parents but no
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Jan 18, 2022 01:12
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