|
"So my plan is I'm going to goon for all the supervillains and then sell a tell-all book about what it's like to be a goon for all the supervillains. Don't hench, that's a one way ticket to getting killed. Just your basic gooning, maybe threaten someone now and then, at the end of the day or night we all go home. Already gooned for Penguin and Killer Croc, this gig with Two Face is going pretty well. Snappy threads right, even me and you get these nice two tone suits. Hey whatd'ya say your name was?" "Bruce."
|
#
?
Jan 19, 2022 01:57
|
|
|
|
| # ? Jun 7, 2024 15:38 |
|
|
Big Beef City posted:You eva wonda why all deez baddies here need like fiddy of us guys a piece and batman needs like one middle schooler and he usually just has to rescue him on top of whatever else he's doin? *sotto voce* "shuut uup he's going to ask you your name and then kill you while shouting a pun and we're going to have to laaaugh shuut uuup"
|
|
#
?
Jan 19, 2022 02:01
|
|
|
you mean you guys get paid for this? the court of owls recruiter guy told me this was an internship
|
|
#
?
Jan 19, 2022 02:12
|
|
|
Big Beef City posted:No, no, seez dats da beauty of it, we don't need no crystal skull or da taffy blasta. We just go in dere wit our guns an say "Give us da loot!" and den we... uh... BBC, I’ve been giggling off and on all evening about “da taffy blasta” 
|
|
#
?
Jan 19, 2022 02:18
|
|
|
Duh, OK boss, duh, whatever yous says.
|
|
#
?
Jan 19, 2022 03:10
|
|
|
So I think Wayne is bonin' that Vicki Vale broad from da news. Suddenly all them stories about him skimming from the top of his foundation for at risk youth education dissapeah. Now I see batman's got a new car dat turns into a submarine and a helicoptah. Think he's on da take?
|
|
#
?
Jan 19, 2022 03:26
|
|
|
Look, I know I’ve only been working here a week, but why do we have to wear color-coordinated tights and Kato masks? Isn’t that just calling attention to our criminal behavior making it easier to pinpoint which of our bosses is behind this week’s caper? Anyone? Henchman #7, you know I’m right.
|
|
#
?
Jan 19, 2022 04:11
|
|
|
So you's telling me that I can claim these fingerless gloves as a business expense on account of me using them to mug elderly ladies? And I can deduct the mileage on my van cause I use it to pick up the crew for the heists?
|
|
#
?
Jan 19, 2022 04:21
|
|
|
If we're getting the poo poo beat out of us the least we could do is get some healthcare from these guys! Who wants to join a union? Goons Local 369?
|
|
|
#
?
Jan 19, 2022 04:25
|
|
|
Seth Pecksniff posted:If we're getting the poo poo beat out of us the least we could do is get some healthcare from these guys! Who wants to join a union? Goons Local 369? I’m starting’ to think dat maybe I might just get a regular job type job ya know? Sometin’ what I don’t get my clock cleaned every night by da bat? Maybe find a nice lady, seddle down.
|
|
#
?
Jan 19, 2022 04:39
|
|
|
Unions? Regular jobs? Sure if you want to be schmucks go right ahead. But me? I choose to work for the Joker because he stands for something bigger than any one man and that is.. 'cause he's tryin' to.. you see the Batman represents.. and so we're doing the pranks because.. I have a degree in chemical engineering what the hell am I doing wasting my life making.. clown gas?
|
|
#
?
Jan 19, 2022 04:47
|
|
|
it’s not an easy job, but when you see the mayor smell a fake bouquet of flowers and get a faceful of clown gas you know it’s all worth it
|
|
#
?
Jan 19, 2022 04:51
|
|
|
I'll be real, I'm only still working for the Joker because I kinda got hooked on the gas. I think he's tried to kill me with it three times but my tolerance is through the roof now.
|
|
#
?
Jan 19, 2022 10:32
|
|
|
The Voice of Labor posted:you mean you guys get paid for this? the court of owls recruiter guy told me this was an internship Yeah, that is why so many of our capers are non-profit. You see, if we use the interns to make money by having the help us rob a bank or smuggle drugs or run a protection gig the labor laws hit us. If we focus on building mind control balloons, crashing parties with pranks, and the like there is no money in that so you can get away with not paying the interns. Everyone also make sure to pay taxes on anything you do make on these gigs. Income tax was how they got Capone and that is probably how they will get Penguin soon. Don’t go down with him. File your taxes.
|
|
#
?
Jan 19, 2022 10:41
|
|
|
People ask me, why do you work for the Joker, he'll kill you. He's crazy. See, you don't get it. Joker's so crazy that he attributes nothing to nothing. One day a pie in the face will have him rolling on the floor, and the next throwing a bear trap onto someone's face will just get a wavy hand about how 'good accuracy', then he sprays you with gas because if he can't laugh you will, until you die. Guy got into a war with Riddler because he stopped being able to laugh, they drew in all the players, it was horrifying, you know what ended it? Kite Man flew in through a window, and Joker ended up on his knees howling over the idea of a Kite Man. War done; the Bat couldn't do it but Kite Man did. That includes money. If you got nothing to lose except your life, you work for the Joker. He don't attribute value to anything. Maybe he'll pay you in candy corn, and maybe he'll throw millions at you. I ain't kidding. My buddy Veener, he got Joker some complicated coffee order exactly right and Joker chucked a briefcase at him. Had a shade under two mill inside. He ran and he's living it up in Maui or somewhere now. So that's why people keep working for the Joker. He's got a body count in the five digits, and like half of those are his own men, but when you got nothing, you go for the guy who sees value in nothing. Now, that new Punchline girl he's hanging with, she's just a loving bitch.
|
|
#
?
Jan 19, 2022 11:11
|
|
|
Nah, I can't hang out tonight, I have to stand right here in this warehouse of clown gas canisters and look out in this direction and this direction only
|
|
#
?
Jan 19, 2022 12:13
|
|
|
Just a heads up to yous guys, if you need T-shirts with stuff like "GOON" or "#2" or "MY NAME IS ROB" or whatever on 'em, my buddy Tim has a screenprinting shop and I can get you a good deal. He got in good with Calendar Man a couple years ago, so he's printing these things in bulk and passing the savings onto yous.
|
|
#
?
Jan 19, 2022 13:45
|
|
|
*is cornered by the cops in ally and pulls out a tommy gun See you in hell coppers! *it's just loaded with green and purple paintballs
|
|
#
?
Jan 19, 2022 14:00
|
|
|
My dad as a goon, and so was my grandpa. I grew up hearing all of these great stories about working reasonable hours and wearing comfortable black turtlenecks with your nickname on it, and the worst thing that ever happened was that you got a concussion from having your head bonked into something. But nowadays it's all lugging clown gas around without proper back support and getting your face smashed in against the stairs, and I can barely afford my daily dose of this glowing blue drug that I had to start injecting just to join this stupid gang in the first place. RIP the American Dream.
|
|
#
?
Jan 19, 2022 14:20
|
|
|
Relevant Tangent posted:I have the best job, I'm basically the only driver for all the crazy themed cars the villains come up with. The Killer Croc mobile is just one of those swamp boats with a fan welded onto a muscle car and nobody else can drive a clutch. You can't talk to them at all though, otherwise they start confiding in you and then you laugh at the wrong time and pssht poison umbrella or some poo poo. I've been pretending I'm a deaf mute for years, half the time they end a conversation with "...and I'm going to kill this guy." to see if you'll flinch. Yeah, I make Villain paraphernalia. Like someone like the joker he makes he's own stuff. Some of though will easily drop 30-40k a month of that stuff. Themed signs that come out of pop up boxes, dolls that play recorded messages. Like most of the stuff is super easy to make and you can charge an arm and a leg for it. Just got to make sure that it's easy, and it works. Some of them are really not that bright -utter gently caress idiots some of them- and they're just gonna blame you if something goes wrong with there "genius trap" as the put the pop up box upside down. Had to do some real quick talking more then once not to end up in a shallow grave somewhere just outside of Gotham city limits. But as I said, monies good.
|
|
#
?
Jan 19, 2022 14:22
|
|
|
So the Joker kicked me out for using up too much of his laughing gas. But I got in with Scarecrow instead. Y'know, facing your fears isn't so bad, it's a hell of a thrill.
|
|
#
?
Jan 19, 2022 14:26
|
|
|
Being a professional goon can truly be something awful
|
|
#
?
Jan 19, 2022 14:42
|
|
|
Okay, let me just set my outfit out before bed so I can easily get dressed when I wake up. Black turtleneck with the word "PIERRE" on it. Black pants. Elaborate mime makeup. One of them french guy hats, whaddayacallem, beignets? One of them. Wait, where's my acid spraying flower? Oh god, honey, put down Daddy's flower, okay? Honey, just set that down right now!
|
|
#
?
Jan 19, 2022 15:12
|
|
|
God drat it Ed stop spamming the group chat with your wordle grid.
|
|
#
?
Jan 19, 2022 15:18
|
|
|
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pMd4S-LkywI This would be me if I ran into Batman.
|
|
#
?
Jan 19, 2022 15:30
|
|
|
You guys ever think you could hench for the bat? Like as a goof? What do you think it would be like? Just pretend to be the Bat's goon? Ha ha, but what do you think?
|
|
#
?
Jan 19, 2022 15:52
|
|
|
Is just a regular mime performing outside of an art gallery and unable to tell the Batman to stop beating the poo poo out of you for being a henchman because, you know, 'cause you're a mine.
|
|
#
?
Jan 19, 2022 15:57
|
|
|
TK8325 posted:You guys ever think you could hench for the bat? Like as a goof? What do you think it would be like? Just pretend to be the Bat's goon? Ha ha, but what do you think? My buddy says the Bat's a vampire, which makes a lotta sense. So like that Robin kid? He's a familiar or whatever, explains why he stays so young. Yah it might suck hauling all this clown gas around, but at least I ain't a drat vampire. If I want in on that spooky poo poo I'll go try and work the Gentleman Ghost. No thanks.
|
|
#
?
Jan 19, 2022 16:11
|
|
|
*works for one of the ultra posh bad guys like the mad hatter or the queen of england* mon dieu!!!!!!!!!!!
|
|
#
?
Jan 19, 2022 16:32
|
|
|
Gay Ghost sends his regards 
|
|
#
?
Jan 19, 2022 16:44
|
|
|
Colonel Cancer posted:Gay Ghost sends his regards
|
|
#
?
Jan 19, 2022 16:50
|
|
|
So guys, there's dis new ting ta look out fer. A couple days ago I sees dis poster in an alley advertising henchwork fer sum new villain callin' himself Chiroptera Man. And the pay looks good and the hours is nice so I figures what da hell, check it out, right? Mebbe it's a real good gig, right? Anyways, me an like 20 other guys meets up in da parkin' garage across from Wayne Tower for the meet-an-greet and instead of some Chiro-whateva man, the bat shows up and just starts clobberin' us. Didn't even arrest nobody or nuffin, just kicked all out teef in and then left.
|
|
#
?
Jan 19, 2022 18:15
|
|
|
What does this say? "Heavy water"? Perfect i can use water to rehydrate my buddies that batman turned into loving pills.
|
|
#
?
Jan 19, 2022 18:17
|
|
|
Ah, crap, I forgot to do laundry last night and now I'm out of clean half black/half white shirts. Eh, Two-Face ain't gonna care if I wear a nice polo for a change. Heck, he might even promote me for it!
|
|
#
?
Jan 19, 2022 18:40
|
|
|
The riddler jerked me off last night
|
|
#
?
Jan 19, 2022 18:59
|
|
|
Did uh... did Firefly just rub his nipples when he started that fire? There's like a half dozen fire guys on the east coast, of course I pick the weird sex pervert one.
|
|
#
?
Jan 19, 2022 19:11
|
|
|
Question for the Joker crew: does the carpet match the drapes (green)
|
|
#
?
Jan 19, 2022 19:13
|
|
|
I henched for Catwoman for a summer back in '06. She's kinda a one woman operation though, so it's more like I was an intern. You wanna know what 50% of my average day was? Scooping the litter boxes. I swear to god every day there'd be like three new cats I had never seen before, just wandering around the abandoned cat food factory. She did pay well, although it was mostly in handfuls of stolen diamonds. Try using that to pay the copay for your insulin. Oh, and those rumors that she also uses a litter box? Let's just say the factory didn't have any working plumbing...
|
|
#
?
Jan 19, 2022 19:36
|
|
|
So, Frank. We're supposed to get the bad guys by destroying the city right? But destroying cities is normally a bad guy thing, right? Do we gotta assassinate ourselves after this one? I ain't got one of dem pits like the boss.
|
|
#
?
Jan 19, 2022 19:53
|
|
|
|
| # ? Jun 7, 2024 15:38 |
|
|
Really sucks working outside so often in a city where it rains like 95% of the time.
|
|
#
?
Jan 19, 2022 19:54
|
|