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Outrail posted:Guys I need help. gently caress. gently caress gently caress gently caress! I killed Robin. Fucker fell right in front of me on the street and went under the truck. Didn't have a chance to react. Musta been swinging around and lost his grip or something. If Joker finds out he's gonna kill me. The Bat will kill me. Cops can't protect me. Anyway, I panicked and beat the poo poo out of the body with a crowbar and tossed it into the sewers. Hopefully, the Bat thinks Joker did it. Dude, don't TELL me! Cuz now I know! And if Joker or Bat or whoever finds out I knew and didn't say nothin', then it's MY rear end. poo poo, I ain't no narc, but... poo poo man! poo poo! I gotta do something! Oh man, we're screwed!
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Jan 26, 2022 03:17
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Eclipse12 posted:Dude, don't TELL me! Cuz now I know! And if Joker or Bat or whoever finds out I knew and didn't say nothin', then it's MY rear end. poo poo, I ain't no narc, but... poo poo man! poo poo! I gotta do something! Oh man, we're screwed! Yeah, well you're not gonna like this. I went back to grab the body and hide it better and it was gone. Maybe we just shut the gently caress up and let everyone assume the bird lost his nut and flew the coop? He was always a little hosed in the head if you ask me. Anyway, there's a new guy recruiting a team for some job, could be cool. Want me to ask if Red Hood has room for one more?
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Jan 26, 2022 03:33
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Are you sure it was the real Robin and not one of those kids who dress up in an outfit and hang out on rooftops? I swear, I actually feel sorry for the poor schmucks. Seems like every week, you hear that another one is street pizza because they were trying to parkour over roofs, climb a lasso, or, poo poo, probably some of them just slip off a fire escape balcony. You ask me, Batman's responsible for all those deaths but no, we're the bad guys here.
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Jan 26, 2022 03:45
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Batman got a new robin just last week though? He beat up rocko when he was changing da jokuh canisters?
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Jan 26, 2022 07:07
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My grampa used to load and unload canisters of clown gas for the Joker. Ruined his back. Now we just upload the Joker virus to the Neo Gotham City Mainframe. They tell us it's like virtual clown gas that turns the big computer into some kinda crypto miner. Wish I could afford medicine for my kid cuz he's got NAS but they pay us in JokerCoin.
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Jan 26, 2022 07:34
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Outrail posted:I always figured Superman was some ugly grey alien wearing a rubber suit. Next thing you'll be saying he's fought Goku.
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Jan 26, 2022 07:40
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Wait, maybe he IS goku, in a suit likes.
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Jan 26, 2022 11:49
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You guys know that's not the first Robin, right? If not, how come he's been 12 for like the past twenty years?
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Jan 26, 2022 14:12
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Hey, you ever notice that time the boss paralyzed the bat lady with a magnum the chief police's daughter also ended up paralyzed? I talked to the riddler's hacker team to see if they could cross reference where she went every night, but they're apparently too busy making all the cities traffic lights blink Morse code where his hideout is
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Jan 26, 2022 14:35
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Lucky Guy posted:You guys know that's not the first Robin, right? If not, how come he's been 12 for like the past twenty years? I jes figured dat Joker gas stunted yer growth or sommat
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Jan 26, 2022 14:40
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Guys I admit I went back and found the body of Robin and I made love to its corpse rear end and mouth and then wrote “thug #472 did this” in lipstick on the butt and then ran away. I left the body under the awning of the Hagen Dazs next to the toilet store.
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Jan 26, 2022 15:16
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Dang It Bhabhi! posted:Guys I admit I went back and found the body of Robin and I made love to its corpse rear end and mouth and then wrote “thug #472 did this” in lipstick on the butt and then ran away. I left the body under the awning of the Hagen Dazs next to the toilet store. For the love of Darkseid stop being written by whoever the gently caress they let write comics nowadays
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Jan 26, 2022 15:18
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Hi guys, I just moved here from Metropolis. Are we not supposed to use cell phones here or is the 1940s thing just an aesthetic?
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Jan 26, 2022 15:43
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batman hosed my rear end dude
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Jan 26, 2022 15:44
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Ograbme posted:Hi guys, I just moved here from Metropolis. Are we not supposed to use cell phones here or is the 1940s thing just an aesthetic? It depends on the episode.
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Jan 26, 2022 15:46
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Ograbme posted:Hi guys, I just moved here from Metropolis. Are we not supposed to use cell phones here or is the 1940s thing just an aesthetic? Use….a what….?
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Jan 26, 2022 15:53
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Dang It Bhabhi! posted:Guys I admit I went back and found the body of Robin and I made love to its corpse rear end and mouth and then wrote “thug #472 did this” in lipstick on the butt and then ran away. I left the body under the awning of the Hagen Dazs next to the toilet store. *quietly updates henchman ID card to read "thug #478"*
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Jan 26, 2022 16:07
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Lucky Guy posted:You guys know that's not the first Robin, right? If not, how come he's been 12 for like the past twenty years? For that matter, how is da bat still kicking our asses? Shouldn't he be like a hundred?
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Jan 26, 2022 16:08
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You dumb sheep. There’s no such thing as a Bat Man! I can’t believe you’re letting the elites of Gotham scare you like this! Those thugs that got beat up last week? They were beaten up WITH the Bat Signal being on, not BECAUSE the Bat Signal was on. They want you scared, so’s they can control you, but me? I did my own research. There ain’t no Bat. No reason to wear this henchman mask. Hey, did you hear something?
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Jan 26, 2022 16:16
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Look, I admit I ain't no angel. Robbed a few people, did a few heists, broke a few kneecaps, doin' what I can to keep the ribs from meetin' the backbone, ya know? An' usually workin' for that Joker is a hoot. I mean, sure, he's a nutcase, but the pay's good and he makes me laugh. Even without the gas sometimes. But that last heist, you know, in that lab, it made me worried. Why would Mr. J want a cannister of aerosolized Kryptonite? And why would he order us to take it straight to the clown gas factory? Even I could see what direction that was headed. So when the Bat showed up, it was kinda a relief, you know? I mean, I'm a loyal guy, but secretly I was glad to take one to the chin rather than go through with ... well, with the world gettin' its poo poo punched in by Superjoker. Crazy villain or no, that's just a bridge too far. Man. Maybe I need to rethink my life choices.
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Jan 26, 2022 16:19
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I always says to the boss I says "why don't we invent some sort of batman orgasming machine and we capture da bat and gently caress em to death." Oh man the look on his face as he receives so much pleasure until he can't take it no more! Ah well a boy can dream.
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Jan 26, 2022 16:52
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Dang It Bhabhi! posted:I always says to the boss I says "why don't we invent some sort of batman orgasming machine and we capture da bat and gently caress em to death." Oh man the look on his face as he receives so much pleasure until he can't take it no more! Ah well a boy can dream. We can call it the Jizzmo!
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Jan 26, 2022 16:57
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Why don't the heros ever hire small armies of thugs? Maybe if we weren't all scratching for cash we wouldn't be doing this poo poo. I reckon they're contributing to the socioeconomic downfall of this city just as much as our regular bosses.
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Jan 26, 2022 18:35
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So would I still get paid if Poison Ivy used her mind control on me? I wouldn't mind waking up to several paychecks at once.
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Jan 26, 2022 18:47
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Shhh! We call it “Clown Gas” here, we never say “Joker gas”. The boss has to pay Mister J a percentage if we call it “Joker gas”.
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Jan 26, 2022 19:04
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Oh man, you guys aren't going to believe this. You remember Big Jimmy, right? Skinny little guy? Yeah, that's the guy. Anyway, I stayed in touch with him a bit after he left the gang 'cause his mom's kinda hot, ya'know? He and I'd get together for a few beers now and then,. Anyway he ended up working for Clock King, or as he put it, "apprenticing." Jimmy was bringing the guys coffee for six months and really thought that made him a criminal genius. Last I saw him he was leaving Gotham to, and I quote, "strike fear into the fearless city of tomorrow." So I just got a letter from Big Jimmy and sure enough guy's doing a spell in Stryker's. Get this; guy put together a crew and his first "intricate heist" was just robbin' a bank. In Metropolis. Downtown Metropolis. In broad daylight! With dynamite and everything! They was rifling through the vault stuffin' money into bags, when Big Jimmy feels a tap on his shoulder, and ... what? Yeah! They totally did have big dollar signs stamped onto the bags, how'd you know? Yeah, Big Jimmy was that stupid, wasn't he. Anyway he's doin' five to ten but the best part? The absolute best part? It wasn't even Supes that took him down. Naw, Supes took one look at Big Jimmy from the fuckin' moon or whatever and decided he didn't need to bother. Big Jimmy's gang was taken down by Superman's dog.
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Jan 27, 2022 01:02
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I had fully surrendered, no resistance, no weapon, hands above my head while on my knees, and the bat still punched me square in the teeth.
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Jan 27, 2022 01:06
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Big Jimmy's mum, Tiny Young Tabitha - the morbidly obese octogenarian? Tasteful Appropriate Toby, you're a real sick puppy.
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Jan 27, 2022 01:09
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Batman just kept choking him, man, with no expression on his face. Just kept saying, “Stop resisting” every once in a while. Yeah, he died in the ambulance on the way to Arkham. But of course, Batman doesn’t kill. Oh, no, never.
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Jan 27, 2022 01:10
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I sure love carrying all this money on me
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Jan 27, 2022 01:11
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so me and lou askew were down at the docks unloading some contraband fireworks for firefly. lou gets this startled look on his face, his eyes open up wide and he snaps his head straight up. nervously, he's looking around the whole time, he says "did you...did you hear something?" so now I'm all nervous too, whole goddamn night I'm jumping at shadows and swinging my flashlight all around the docks like it's a discotheque. anyway, we get the last load of boxes into the van and we're sittin' there and I look and lou left the paper on the dash. second headline down on the page lou had the paper folded to reads "batman stripped of federal license due to islamaphobic tweets". that fuckin' lou
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Jan 27, 2022 01:28
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I think i spend most of my time in dimly lit alleys doing very obvious drug deals just waiting for something bad to happen,it’s like an addiction to me,i get a kick out of being the first one to spot someone jumping the rooftops above us or in the few times we’ve knocked bats out being the one to get electrocuted by trying to take his mask off. Everytime. I know i’m gonna get electrocuted…. But i still do it. It’s tradition.
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Jan 27, 2022 01:33
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Batman punched me so hard, my vision cut out for a moment and I saw this flash of color and light. Really scrambled my brain for a moment. Hell, it almost looked like the word "pow" or something. Weird stuff, man.
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Jan 27, 2022 02:09
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Eclipse12 posted:Batman punched me so hard, my vision cut out for a moment and I saw this flash of color and light. Really scrambled my brain for a moment. Hell, it almost looked like the word "pow" or something. Weird stuff, man. once when he knocked me over, i saw a big floating number before i lost consciousness
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Jan 27, 2022 03:08
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Lucky Guy posted:You guys know that's not the first Robin, right? If not, how come he's been 12 for like the past twenty years? Batman uses some weird ritual, gets a new one every time the "kid" gets what's coming to 'im.
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Jan 27, 2022 03:34
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Bags Fly at Noon posted:Use….a what….? Probably one of those things from the 24th century that only work in the parts of Metropolis that are from the future.
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Jan 27, 2022 03:37
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Outrail posted:Why don't the heros ever hire small armies of thugs? Maybe if we weren't all scratching for cash we wouldn't be doing this poo poo. I reckon they're contributing to the socioeconomic downfall of this city just as much as our regular bosses. You know dat Green Arrow is literally a billionaire commie, right? Doesn't even keep his identity secret, just really likes to shoot people with boxing glove arrows.
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Jan 27, 2022 03:40
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Relevant Tangent posted:Batman uses some weird ritual, gets a new one every time the "kid" gets what's coming to 'im. I thought robin becomes batman when the Batman dies. So the same guy's been training child soldiers to die for him for decades? Who's the villain here?
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Jan 27, 2022 04:06
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Boys, I've been a henchman for almost 10 years, and I haven't gotten away with whatcha'd call a successful crime the whole time...excepting maybe a crime of fashion? Look at these loving tights! Did you guys know Bernie Madoff stole over 60 billion dollars? Billion! And did it without making his henchmen dress up like they worked at the circus. They probally got to wear Armani or something. Why don't WE ever try white collar crime? Betcha Madoff never made his guys bake bombs into birthday cakes to take a opera house hostage during the Gotham centennial celebration. It took us nearly 4 days to get the recipe right, and I lost some good friends when one of the ovens exploded. I asked Mr. J if we could maybe just buy some cakes and hollow them out and put the bombs inside, but he got real mad. Turns out he wanted to disguise himself as a pastry chef and make a joke(?) about how his cake recipe was so good your taste buds would explode...it didn't really land, but I guess Mr. J is used to being the only one in a room laughing. Natchurally, in swoops the Bat and defuses our bomb-cakes and bam, zap, pow, sends us all back to the prison medical wing. No joking boys, the nurses there see me so often that when I get rolled in they just start writing my medical history on my chart without asking me about it. All patting me somewhere I'm not bandaged: "What'd the caped crusader do to ya this time, hon?" And for what? So the boss could threaten to blow up a bunch of innocent people if the city didn't give him 10 million dollars? 10 million? Even if it had worked, he only would have netted 6 million after salary, health care, bomb materials, baking supplies, party favors, confetti, etc. And sure, I done some bad things, but I didn't want ALL that blood on my hands if the bombs had gone off later like he planned. If you asked me now if I'd blow up 500 people to have $200,000, which mighta been my cut, the answer is probally no. I guess I just get caught up in the excitement of his plans? So now I got CTE, a permanent limp, and my neck don't turn to the right no more from all the times the Bat has beat me up foiling the boss's capers, and I can barely afford my painkillers. The Bats never broke all Madoff's ribs kicking him through a window. In fact, pretty sure Bats didn't even know Madoff was a crook! Probably because all the crooks he knows wear colorful costumes and have crazy accents and gotta advertise their crimes before, during, and after. Madoff didn't get caught by "the world's greatest detective," it was the IRS or something, and it took them like 20 years. I know the boss always blames our problems on the watchu-call brilliance and tenacity of the dark knight, but at some point maybe we all need to look in the mirror and ask: Am I my own Batman?
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Jan 27, 2022 04:15
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Relevant Tangent posted:You know dat Green Arrow is literally a billionaire commie, right? Doesn't even keep his identity secret, just really likes to shoot people with boxing glove arrows. Either that or he really thinks that anyone's fooled by a mask when there's literally only two guys in Star City who have that beard.
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Jan 27, 2022 06:51
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