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Lid
Feb 18, 2005

And the mercy seat is awaiting,
And I think my head is burning,
And in a way I'm yearning,
To be done with all this measuring of proof.
An eye for an eye
And a tooth for a tooth,
And anyway I told the truth,
And I'm not afraid to die.

Kenning posted:

Sorry for the delay on results, my sister was visiting and I had to attend to family business. Very fun basho, super proud of Mitakeumi for finally making it.

Final Standings:

Makuuchi
code:
80	Tiny Bug Child
70	Takuan
66	Thauros
65	Crusty Nutsack
65	Lid
61.5	anakha
60	Beeswax
59	Ice Phisherman
58	Marching Powder
58	MyChemicalImbalance
53.5	whats for dinner
52.5	Charles Gnarwin
52.5	sivad
48	Skjorte
44	Khizan
43.5	Martytoof
42.5	Pakled
42	jmzero
40.5	Eli949
40.5	Tochiazuma
39	Communist Thoughts
39	Kenning
38.5	Everyones Favorite Poster
38.5	GoatSeeGuy
38.5	pseudodragon
37	Chinook
37	QuasiQuack
37	Vargatron
36.5	Banana Canada
36.5	bessantj
36.5	captainblastum
36	bartolimu
36	LlamaTrauma
35.5	Netsky
34.5	scripterror
34	Brut
34	MalarkeyToboggan
31	Fluffdaddy
Juryo
code:
67	Memento
65	Maigius
61.5	Iron Chef Nex
61.5	NuclearPotato
60.5	Lexorin
60	Neodoomium
51	ratmosphere
50	Scythe
49.5	Teddybear
49	Spokes
45.5	Firebatgyro
45	KungFu Grip
41.5	ilmucche
39.5	Gaghskull
38.5	Jobbo_Fett
38.5	Liquid Communism
36.5	Log082
32	Omnikin
31.5	Shiroc
25	Helianthus Annuus
Huge congratulations to Tiny Bug Child for a commanding win with our highest score ever. A score of 70+ is basically a zensho-yusho, and this is the first time we've seen an 80. They caught the yusho, jun-yusho, and also the hat trick of sansho with Mitakeumi, Abi, and Kotonowaka, plus two other winning rikishi. What a stable. Shout out also to Takuan whose stable also managed all kachi-koshi, but who lost out not only by getting Hoshoryu instead of Abi, but also by picking Ura instead of Wakatakakage (so they would have lost by 1 point even if they'd gotten Abi). Still, a very impressive jun-yusho and worthy of remark.

Down in juryo Memento carried the day. Due to the way the draft works a lot of people in juryo had both Mitakeumi and Abi, which means that the scores were a lot closer. For Memento it was the dark horse choice of Tamawashi with his solid record and suprising kinboshi that carried the day. A wily veteran choice!

Special shout out to Everyone's Favorite Poster for making an Ura > Hokutofuji trade on day 3. Ura finished with a winning record and Hokutofuji got a losing record, thus illustrating the perils of non-injury trading. Also, the Shonanzakura Certificate of Special Merit is awarded to Helianthus Annuus, who managed to get 6/5 make-koshi and a brutal 25 point record. Those of us who have had a similar record stand in solidarity with you in these difficult times.

On to special prizes! A refresher, these are the special prizes:

Gino-sho/Technique: No make-koshi on your team.
Kanto-sho/Fighting Spirit: Exceptional performance from a low rank, or other acknowledgement of great performance.
Shukun-sho/Outstanding Performance: Getting the highest number of accolades (i.e. kinboshi, yusho/jun-yusho, and sansho) in the field.

So, who are the awardees?

Gino-sho: Tiny Bug Child, Takuan
Kanto-sho: Memento, Lid
Shukun-sho: Tiny Bug Child

Here in fantasy sumo we still award special prizes to the goonzeki, so congrats to Tiny Bug Child. The second kanto-sho is awarded to Lid on the basis of a very solid score and lots of accolades from the bottom of the makuuchi division. Congratulations!

Thanks everyone for playing fantasy sumo again! Whenever I tell my friends that we have 60 people playing fantasy sumo they're flabbergasted. Expect an updated goonzuke soon.

The Tokushoryu run is real!

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MyChemicalImbalance
Sep 15, 2007

Keep on smilin'



:unsmith:
Another thanks to Kenning! Great Basho, but having a reason to cheer for certain rikishi always helps - finally had cause for cheering on Tamawashi and the Ironman did me proud!

Marching Powder
Mar 8, 2008



stop the fucking fight, cornerman, your dude is fucking done and is about to be killed.
i'll never forget the tokushoryu basho as long as i live. it was my first and him beating keisho and bursting into tears gets me every time.

thanks kenning for all your work. i imposed my sumo and had a really good score while still having the living meme forced into my stable.

Helianthus Annuus
Feb 21, 2006

can i touch your hand
Grimey Drawer
thanks for running it again, kenning

i want everyone to know i'm not mad about coming in dead last -- i feel just fine about it, and i haven't been screaming into any pillows

Ice Phisherman
Apr 12, 2007

Swimming upstream
into the sunset



Thanks for all of the effort in making fantasy sumo a blast, Kenning! :)

anakha
Sep 16, 2009


https://twitter.com/SumoFollower/status/1486627972324995072

https://twitter.com/Hakkeyoi_Sumo/status/1486275272861265924

https://twitter.com/SumoFollower/status/1486187403480084486

Thauros
Jan 29, 2003

i'm disappointed takekuma is written as 武隈 with two kanji i don't know instead of 竹熊  (bamboo bear which sounds like it should be some archaic word for panda)

verbal enema
May 23, 2009

onlymarfans.com

Thauros posted:

bamboo bear

mods can i get a name change please

pseudodragon
Jun 16, 2007


Apparently Google knows I read this thread and popped this in my newsfeed if anyone wants any sumo themed junk

https://soranews24.com/2022/01/26/sumo-salt-shaker-steals-the-show-in-new-range-of-japanese-wrestler-goods/

Elissimpark
May 20, 2010

Bring me the head of Auguste Escoffier.

pseudodragon posted:

Apparently Google knows I read this thread and popped this in my newsfeed if anyone wants any sumo themed junk

https://soranews24.com/2022/01/26/sumo-salt-shaker-steals-the-show-in-new-range-of-japanese-wrestler-goods/

That salt shaker is fantastic. Should be a Terutsuyoshi version where the arm falls off and dumps the entire contents on your plate.

Sub Rosa
Jun 9, 2010




Speaking of salt, is their anything interesting in the preparation of the salt or what salt is or isn't approved? I know in some cultures like the ancient Egyptians sea salt would be considered ritually impure for example. But in Shinto I'm suspecting it should be sea salt since ritual purification is associated with Izanagi bathing in the sea?

Also here is Terunofugi lifting weights
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xaTjkX_vHbY

JAY ZERO SUM GAME
Oct 18, 2005

Walter.
I know you know how to do this.
Get up.


leg press with his hands on his knees

terunofuji retire BITCH

Everyones Favorite Poster
Dec 6, 2017

:toot:
Thank you Kenning!

Great basho all around aside from my humbling fantasy sumo performance. I will train harder and not trade away clearly concussed rikishi next time around because sumo.

Firebatgyro
Dec 3, 2010

Sub Rosa posted:

Also here is Terunofugi lifting weights
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xaTjkX_vHbY

"Incredible Sumo Powerlifting Compilation"

-Video of man doing 2 plate shrugs

Brut
Aug 21, 2007

That video's from over a year ago so clearly something ended up working out alright.

Scythe
Jan 26, 2004
I mean parts of that are definitely big weight, like the 1320lb leg press, 441lb bench, and 660lb deadlift, but all 3 of those have something funny about them (the hands on knees, the extremely aggressive spotting/helping, and the fact that the "deadlift" is actually a rack pull, respectively), and the rest of it (shrugs, shoulder press, rows) is impossible to see if it's impressive or not.

Teru is strong as poo poo no doubt, but also I think the weightlifting threads would lol at this video

Scythe fucked around with this message at 22:15 on Jan 27, 2022

Brut
Aug 21, 2007

You gotta realize that this is in comparison to training methods that traditionally involve, among other things, just running in to a wooden pole wrapped in rope over and over.

Scythe
Jan 26, 2004
Yeah that's fair, in that it's a sumo fan (and not necessarily a weight training person) who made the video. It's not like Teru himself was like "check out these lifts bro!!"

bessantj
Jul 27, 2004



Really shows how tight things in Makushita can be. 4-3 from Ms3 is enough to get you promotion but not from Ms4.

Tochiazuma
Feb 16, 2007

Thanks for running fantasy sumo again, Kenning!

I didn't do too well this time but better than I actually expected... it was an entertaining tournament in any case!

Tiny Bug Child
Sep 11, 2004

Avoid Symmetry, Allow Complexity, Introduce Terror

Kenning posted:

Huge congratulations to Tiny Bug Child for a commanding win with our highest score ever. A score of 70+ is basically a zensho-yusho, and this is the first time we've seen an 80. They caught the yusho, jun-yusho, and also the hat trick of sansho with Mitakeumi, Abi, and Kotonowaka, plus two other winning rikishi. What a stable.

Woo! Thank you for the congrats and as always for running the fantasy basho. I got pretty lucky in the draft and the Teru/Abi combo has been carrying my stable for a couple basho now. Not sure whether I'll go for Abi next time when he's finally not such a value pick compared to his rank, but dang has his sumo improved.

Goeido's retirement ceremony is being streamed right now, and a bunch of old guys in suits are taking turns taking very tiny clips out of his topknot: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=itefmc3xjAo

Shiroc
May 16, 2009

Sorry I'm late
If I were a rikishi who got up to the higher levels, I would sooner die of old age in the heya than have a procession of people cutting two strands of my hair off for hours.

Khizan
Jul 30, 2013


Tiny Bug Child posted:

Not sure whether I'll go for Abi next time when he's finally not such a value pick compared to his rank, but dang has his sumo improved.

I don't think he'll have such crazy value for his rank anymore, but I think he's still gonna be a pretty good money pick. I feel like there's a chance the S/K bracket ends up being something like Abi and Wakatakakage at sekiwake and Takanosho/(Hoshoryu|Ura|Onosho) at komusubi, and of those options I think I'd lean Abi.

Tiny Bug Child
Sep 11, 2004

Avoid Symmetry, Allow Complexity, Introduce Terror
Yeah, I hadn't thought too much about what his competition would be. He may still be the best pick in his bracket but the last two basho he was the BEST pick in his bracket

I have been watching old guys cut Goeido's hair for a half hour and there is absolutely no visible change

Tiny Bug Child
Sep 11, 2004

Avoid Symmetry, Allow Complexity, Introduce Terror

Kenning
Jan 11, 2009

I really want to post goatse. Instead I only have these🍄.




Yo gently caress yeah.

Brut
Aug 21, 2007

Tiny Bug Child posted:

Woo! Thank you for the congrats and as always for running the fantasy basho. I got pretty lucky in the draft and the Teru/Abi combo has been carrying my stable for a couple basho now. Not sure whether I'll go for Abi next time when he's finally not such a value pick compared to his rank, but dang has his sumo improved.

Goeido's retirement ceremony is being streamed right now, and a bunch of old guys in suits are taking turns taking very tiny clips out of his topknot: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=itefmc3xjAo

Aww man the video is private now, is there an archive somewhere?

Elissimpark
May 20, 2010

Bring me the head of Auguste Escoffier.

Holy crap, that's Torata Nanbu of the Tokyo Shock Boys.

I think they're known for comedy songs in Japan, but they had a brief moment in Australia in the '90's for gross stunts before Jackass was a thing.

I've seen that man drag someone on an office chair tied to his balls.

Also, that is a bald haircut, not natural balding.

That's fantastic, you never know who's into sumo.

anakha
Sep 16, 2009


Khizan posted:

I don't think he'll have such crazy value for his rank anymore, but I think he's still gonna be a pretty good money pick. I feel like there's a chance the S/K bracket ends up being something like Abi and Wakatakakage at sekiwake and Takanosho/(Hoshoryu|Ura|Onosho) at komusubi, and of those options I think I'd lean Abi.

TBH, s/k and m1-5 have felt pretty meaningless the past several basho in terms of distinction for your fantasy picks because the y/o ranks are so thinned out right now.

In 2021, with Takakeisho out almost every other basho and Hakuho completing just one, M5s ended up frequently facing the available yokozuna and ozeki anyway, so you had to assume your picks in both tiers would end up taking a couple of losses to the y/o ranks.

Assuming Teru and all three ozeki participate in March, we could actually see a basho where some people in m1-5 avoid the meat grinder and that becomes a factor in picks again.

Thauros
Jan 29, 2003

that's sorta the purpose of that tier and what makes it so tough. those ranks are often termed the 'joi-jin' of makuuchi, rikishi who are ranked high enough to face the yokuzuna/ozeki in a tounament

anakha
Sep 16, 2009



Post-grooming:

https://twitter.com/mionoumi/status/1487330544702885891

MyChemicalImbalance
Sep 15, 2007

Keep on smilin'



:unsmith:
Having a go at guessing the banzuke today and good golly this is tough. Lot of KK guys clustered after M7, have a new found respect for the old sumo guys who do this for real.

pseudodragon
Jun 16, 2007


Brut posted:

Aww man the video is private now, is there an archive somewhere?

Not the full vid, but Chris Sumo went and shot his own footage.

https://youtu.be/tVjEALgcs40

Lid
Feb 18, 2005

And the mercy seat is awaiting,
And I think my head is burning,
And in a way I'm yearning,
To be done with all this measuring of proof.
An eye for an eye
And a tooth for a tooth,
And anyway I told the truth,
And I'm not afraid to die.

Shiroc
May 16, 2009

Sorry I'm late
https://twitter.com/runco0212/status/1487363554596761602?s=21

bartolimu
Nov 25, 2002


Chris Sumo made it to Goeido's retirement ceremony. I hadn't seen the whole pomp and circumstance involved, to this was a pretty interesting video.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tVjEALgcs40

Elissimpark
May 20, 2010

Bring me the head of Auguste Escoffier.
If anyone's looking for a tegata, John Gunning is selling a bunch:

https://twitter.com/InsideSportJP/status/1486267518574821377?s=20&t=9Urx_LJhHK6-X580ge-Azw

S.W.O.R.D. Agent
Apr 30, 2012

Thanks for the heads up. Fingers crossed for a Shohozan.

Also, Youtube recommended this video that provides some history / a look into Hakuho and his career. It has some really great insight: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MBlB7idq3W0

anakha
Sep 16, 2009


Hakuho's weird tachiai against Shodai? Out of necessity, because his knee was too hosed to fight him straight up.

This entire documentary is a must-watch, especially for the extremely revealing insight Hakuho shared on what he considers yokozuna sumo.

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Shiroc
May 16, 2009

Sorry I'm late

Have people here bought stuff from him before? Trying to decide if I wanted to spend $400 to get Chiyomaru and Tokushoryu.

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