(Thread IKs:
Josherino)
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Creative pursuit, yes, even "tinkering"/"dabbling" is worthwhile. Cavemen did it, its what humans do when they have free time. It only seems alien to us because we're so short on free time and "creatives" are an artificially constructed professional class nowadays. It sounds stereotypical, but my last job, in accounting literally killed my ability to create. couldn't draw/write anything for myself in the three years I worked there and then couldn't really do anything for nearly three years AFTER. Like it just shortcircuited my right brain entirely.
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Feb 7, 2022 10:57
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Right now my mind is so broken that unless I'm engaged with another person or activity, I don't have free space to think. Thoughts immediately turn to trauma and why I'm worthless, alone, and will likely remain that way. I've a few great friends, but friendships are not familial bonds, nor are they the same thing as an intimate relationship. Living alone through COVID just underlined, bolded, and highlighted these thoughts and feelings. The drug consumption was very unhealthy. I definitely had a small OD and was unable to drink or eat for for about 10 hours without immediately vomiting. Yesterday was awful and I had a breakdown where I ended up screaming to myself (not uncommon) and then hitting myself in the chest (not common) to the point that I'm quite bruised. I'm exhausted.
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Feb 7, 2022 16:07
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Dude that's loving horrible. I'm really sorry that you're going through that. The only thing that worked for me was seeing that all my strategies for protecting myself from further hurt, including negative self-talk directed at "fixing" myself with tough love (as well as just being an rear end in a top hat to myself), were just digging a hole deeper into the ground and had totally extinguished any joy I had in life. This reached the point where every day became like dragging a corpse along and I would just compulsively try to find pleasure in things to no result. The best I could hope for was simple distraction. There was absolutely no value in continuing to do what I was doing and the full horror of trucking on until old age without fixing this was just inconceivable, as was killing myself and dying being stuck in this misery without understanding a way out. I was fortunate enough to be able to remember a time when I could relax and just kind of passively "be" as a kid, specifically lying in bed and just being calmly aware of my surroundings without a lot of discursive thought or judgement going on. I then started just trying to investigate my sensations and understand what was going on in comparison to that state. My shoulders and neck are kind of hosed up from years of mental tension, so I started there, shaking out tension, stretching, repositioning, focusing on my breath as appropriate, just taking cues from a stressed animal trying to settle down. This finally started to work after an hour or so, and I eventually felt ready to begin examining my present mental activity that felt alien to the relaxed state I remembered and was starting to get into. I saw the big mass of tension right there. The only reason I wasn't fully aware of it before is that I was afraid I would go insane or something if I payed attention. I would immediately try to distract myself with anything at all to not deal with it, at all times, even in my dreams. I fully resolved to be with it and understand it with the determination it would take to throw myself on a fire because I couldn't live with it any longer. If you can do this and treat yourself with love and understanding, knowing that something has gone really wrong with you and it's not your fault, then you can start to see the cracks in your pain, the spaces where freedom is possible because you can start to understand that you can rest from the activity of protecting yourself. This isn't done by adopting new concepts or new ways of mapping your experience, but just letting your emotions run their course with a relaxed, alert mind that does not discriminate, which is really loving hard to do if you have been badly hurt. You may need a lot of recovery time or emotional support after touching this stuff or in my experience it just loving worked and the matter is done. ps: if anyone wiser than me thinks this could hurt people or is inappropriate, I'll edit it out. but this poo poo loving sucked bigtime for 25 years and it's almost completely fixed after just finding the right mental space to fully work with it for a short period of time. it's now almost like remembering a bad dream occasionally and immediately snapping out of it compared to being crushed with heavy stones all the time. e: I wrote this in all honestly but this could be destabilizing for some people, sorry for being foolish. I can't decide if to leave this up or not. corn haver has issued a correction as of 03:25 on Feb 8, 2022 |
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Feb 7, 2022 18:12
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corn haver posted:Dude that's loving horrible. I'm really sorry that you're going through that. This is actually a big help and closely aligns to a log of my struggles. Thanks for sharing. I'm going to read it a few more times and see what I can take with me.
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Feb 7, 2022 19:11
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If you're getting stuck in a negative thought pattern it's fine to not confront it too, espc if there's thoughts that could be harmful to yourself or others. Not trying to fully contradict corn haver or anything but trying to confront things that are so intense for you isn't always a good idea in a unsupervised setting (eg don't pick a scab unless somebody's there to put a bandaid on after). E: I guess I am once again recommending masturbation and video game
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Feb 7, 2022 23:46
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To append my previous reply, I absolutely understand and know how much the capitalist grinding of our souls makes any kind of creative or inward pursuits feel impossible, and makes them incredibly more difficult. I guess my point though is that even doodling on a piece of paper, or reading something, anything, is fostering that inward connection that is something you can claim if you choose. It can be the world's shittiest doodle of all time, you can read page after page and absorb none of it, even if it feels like pointless distraction, it's at least your own. I also want to hop on saying mindfulness, meditation, etc, are all great and helpful and I fully endorse. It's almost like giving yourself more room mentally to maneuver and handle stuff better. I will say, one thing I don't think gets talked about enough, is that it can also be triggering if you have trauma, particularly body scans and more physically centered forms of mindfulness. It doesn't do that for everybody, and even then it's something you can move past, but I'd recommend going into it slowly.
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Feb 8, 2022 00:30
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Yeah, sorry everyone. That was extremely foolish to post without a million caveats and some people are not in a good place to do more than calming therapeutic exercises. I just wanted to say that it's actually possible to actually get better from deep emotional pain and not just cope, as I thought it was impossible as recently as two weeks ago. The pain I was in for over two decades was so deep and I felt like such a failure of a person that I couldn't talk to anyone about it, except basically by complaining about specific symptoms rather than the cause. And that if you find yourself treating yourself with habitual cruelty and can't fully reach out to anyone and there is no end in sight, at some point it's probably wise to look at yourself and just be like, gently caress, I need to care for this person who is totally whacked out and in constant pain like a nurse caring for a very ill person and try to understand where the hurt is coming from, at least for a weekend afternoon or something.
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Feb 8, 2022 02:00
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corn haver posted:Yeah, sorry everyone. That was extremely foolish to post without a million caveats and some people are not in a good place to do more than calming therapeutic exercises. I just wanted to say that it's actually possible to actually get better from deep emotional pain and not just cope, as I thought it was impossible as recently as two weeks ago. The pain I was in for over two decades was so deep and I felt like such a failure of a person that I couldn't talk to anyone about it, except basically by complaining about specific symptoms rather than the cause. And that if you find yourself treating yourself with habitual cruelty and can't fully reach out to anyone and there is no end in sight, at some point it's probably wise to look at yourself and just be like, gently caress, I need to care for this person who is totally whacked out and in constant pain like a nurse caring for a very ill person and try to understand where the hurt is coming from, at least for a weekend afternoon or something. I personally don't think you did anything wrong. It's very cool that you found an approach that works for you. IMO, you can't go wrong talking about what worked/didn't work for you. Glad you found some empathy for yourself, too. That's something I struggle with.
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Feb 8, 2022 02:35
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I think it's generally understood that general advice or personal stories of what worked for you aren't going to be for everyone, and that only a total rear end in a top hat would take every post as directed specifically towards themselves and then react petulantly if it wasn't applicable.
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Feb 8, 2022 04:20
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Jorge Bell posted:I think it's generally understood that general advice or personal stories of what worked for you aren't going to be for everyone, and that only a total rear end in a top hat would take every post as directed specifically towards themselves and then react petulantly if it wasn't applicable. corn haver has issued a correction as of 05:11 on Feb 8, 2022 |
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Feb 8, 2022 05:09
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Ya you're fine. Good faith matters a lot and is immediately evident to most readers and posters itt. Very different from hearing about mindfulness exercises from your boss as they gut mental health care from the company insurance haha
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Feb 8, 2022 09:39
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saw a new therapist today who is a clinical psychologist and he is so much better than the dipshit I've been seeing. he had actual answers for why I'm doing poo poo like cooking a ragú bolognese all day long and then eating McDonald's instead. and lexapro for sure is screwing with my sex life. what the gently caress is this fake boner.
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Feb 9, 2022 01:16
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It's not referred to as sexapro for nothing
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Feb 9, 2022 01:45
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Trying to focus on this Azure training video. And my mind just goes blank. It all just kind of bounces off. I don't know how I'm going to pass this exam next month. I don't even know what to focus on or what's actually on the exam, and who knows if this video truly has what I even need. Practicing with the portal itself is a nonstarter because this is meant for large enterprises, and oh I have to pay real money to get a virtual machine going or to actually do anything, and I can't code so I can't use any of the things related to deploying code, nor would I even know what to make or where to start. Even if I were to somehow get this certification, I have a strong feeling it won't count for anything in the real world and I'll still be stuck doing break/fix desktop and commuting for hours every day forever. I got Security+ and it meant absolutely nothing. I'm getting worse at desktop too, my one useful skill and I'm getting worse at it. Everyday I'm just overwhelmed at work and don't even know where to start. I've begun just avoiding looking at my queue because everything seems like an insurmountable problem that I'm just going to make worse. Even when I do pick something and do it I get tripped up in some other way, it feels like nothing matters and nothing I do can ever help me. I'm starting to wish I could get out of IT entirely, but nothing pays this good and even if I were to leave I don't know where I'd go and can't train for anything else due to ADD that meds don't seem to help with anymore. I'll be actively on adderall and still be flitting around tabs. I've always been on the bottom and now it seems like the only way out is to just be at the bottom somewhere else. There's no way out. I can't even attempt to network with other people in my org because everyone but us works from home.
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Feb 9, 2022 03:44
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every loving day for as long as i can remember i’ve had suicidal/self-harm thoughts i’m a fuckin joke my first psychologist said “all advice you get, you push back on. it looks like you don’t want to get better.” i guess it’s true, i wouldn’t know what to do with myself if i didn’t fuckin hate myself. i slept, drank, gamed, smoked away my 20s. held some part time jobs but never really spent my money. i didnt get my license (failed 3 times and gave up). didnt move out (rent’s too expensive). now im going on 31 and i have done nothing 10 months ago i quit drinking. a month ago i quit video games. last week i quit weed. it’s all been quite easy… i wasn’t really getting enjoyment from any of it, i guess. did i ever? i cant get myself to talk to people because i’ve only got sad sack poo poo on my mind. and i always feel like im bothering or annoying them. a lifetime of bullies/friends/family telling me i’m annoying, that my tastes are weird, etc. might have something to do with it and now everything is getting even more expensive, more scarce. my back hurts even more. there’s no way i can work the hours required to afford my own life. i’ll live with my parents until they die, at which point i’ll end up living under a bridge, if i make it that long. idk what i’m trying to get to. typing it out makes me feel 1% better. it’s not like i’ll take any advice to heart lol thx for reading these scrambled thoughts ?
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Feb 9, 2022 07:21
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Congrats on quitting some of the bad stuff at least, that's an accomplishment, as is the fact you work at all.
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Feb 9, 2022 08:56
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802.11weed posted:every loving day for as long as i can remember i’ve had suicidal/self-harm thoughts drat that fuckin sucks man. feel free to pm me if u want some assistance looking for help. thanks for writing ur thoughts out though, think most people have felt those ways too, probly for the same reasons. gl to you
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Feb 9, 2022 09:16
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Mister Speaker posted:I don't know why I made that post last night. I'm embarrassed. I just want to know why my friends want to leave me in the dark like this, am I that much of a problem? Are you certain you're not being gaslit by a person with antisocial tendencies? The way it seems to have sprung out of nowhere and how this one person can jump in and out of intimate relationships sounds very much like a manipulative person who might've made the group be averse to you because if they aren't they could be next. Like they became tired of you because there's nothing you can do for them (truth is you can and do by being a regular friend, they're wrong) and might've told the group you're annoying or whatever, and the group, anxious as people are, didn't speak up against it cause it's the path of least resistance. Try talking to the other, less dominant people in your group, they might feel very different from what you're thinking they might, but have never had the chance to express it.
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Feb 9, 2022 10:55
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802.11weed posted:
As someone who worked hard during his 20s and 30s, you absolutely made the better choice, IMO. Just as we realized the juggalos and furries are comrades, I'm starting to appreciate the wisdom of the NEETs.
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Feb 9, 2022 14:15
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most "work" -- and especially anything that actually pays well -- is artificially drummed up bullshit that doesn't really need to be done, and similarly, the normal situation for most of human history was that extended family lived together to minimize expenses and cover for each other if you're a millennial or an older gen z you basically have to realize that your parents lived through an era of literally unprecedented prosperity, combined with a toxic culture of individualism that would have been unsustainable in any other context, and that even if they basically meant well the social standards they grew up with are not only cruel and harmful but also ludicrously unrealistic this is not to say "well gently caress it i'm not going to try to do anything with my life ever," just that it's impossible to talk about being "productive" or whatever without first addressing all the ways that word is used to make "slave away for the benefit of some dipshit manager" sound noble and essential to your self-worth instead of something you grudgingly do to survive
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Feb 9, 2022 14:31
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I definitely see you point but let's not forget as was pointed out to me on this thread executive dysfunction is also a real thing. If I had enough money to never work again, I'm pretty sure with my current broken brain, I would just stay in bed, eat and mindlessly browse the internet until I died. that's a bad thing regardless of the economic system in place, right?
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Feb 9, 2022 14:37
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AceOfFlames posted:I definitely see you point but let's not forget as was pointed out to me on this thread executive dysfunction is also a real thing. If I had enough money to never work again, I'm pretty sure with my current broken brain, I would just stay in bed, eat and mindlessly browse the internet until I died. that's a bad thing regardless of the economic system in place, right? I felt the same way but eventually I found some creative folks on the internet I liked to hang out with and started with RPGs and this turned into collaborative writing and now I'm working on my own novel. You might be interested in entirely different things, but you're in a safe space without anxiety over the immediate future, one now has time to find things they actually like to do, not just stuff that one is told to like and do. Tuxedo Catfish posted:combined with a toxic culture of individualism that would have been unsustainable in any other context, and that even if they basically meant well the social standards they grew up with are not only cruel and harmful but also ludicrously unrealistic For a lot of people, the best way to find out what you actually care about is to fall out of the system and get a good hard look at what is actually required. The middle class treadmill hopelessness of endless certifications, grad degrees, careers, 401ks, mortgages, unhappy but mandatory marriages and kids, etc etc, as something you HAVE to do (as opposed to something you want to do) is loving insidious. Goons (and society in general) have relentlessly shat on the concept of a childless, careerless, relationshipless, nonemployed person and stated that only the most wretched, insipid, and evil people could be so. I'm learning that that is not true, its as valid a life path as any.
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Feb 9, 2022 14:56
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AceOfFlames posted:I definitely see you point but let's not forget as was pointed out to me on this thread executive dysfunction is also a real thing. If I had enough money to never work again, I'm pretty sure with my current broken brain, I would just stay in bed, eat and mindlessly browse the internet until I died. that's a bad thing regardless of the economic system in place, right? i'm ADHD and autistic and have horrific insomnia both intrinsically related to those and exacerbated by my medication, believe me, i understand where you're coming from i think the vast majority of people, even those with devastating physical or mental health issues, almost can't help finding ways to contribute to society if they get the chance. it might be a creative hobby, or providing emotional support for their friends, it could be curation or criticism or informal teaching, any number of things that we're basically trained to dismiss as worthless. if you literally can't even do that, then the question you're asking here becomes "do i have the right to be alive?" and the answer to that is always yes, anything else would just be eugenics dressed up in fancy clothes there is a tremendous need both for people to transform society (in the sense of revolutionary politics) and simply for everyone's needs to be met, and it's vitally important to do those things if you have the ability. but it's also important to realize that "meeting everyone's needs" is, in the abstract, easier to do now than it's ever been, and that we live in a system that's designed to squeeze every last drop out of people and uses need and desperation as a lever to do it. it's appropriate to occasionally ask yourself if you're being selfish, but guilt over the mere fact of being disabled or even just plain exhausted is imo far more likely to be a reflection of this environment than it is to be a rational response there's a danger of learned helplessness in all of this too but i think the way to address that is to cultivate an awareness of what you value in a positive sense at the same time that you try to un-learn the bullshit. consciously think about what matters to you and don't dismiss what you do to pursue it even if normatively it's treated like nothing. and as far as that goes -- even just the fact that you're here, challenging me on this out of concern that i might be excusing bad behavior or making it harder for people to survive w/ lovely advice, suggests a concern for other human beings and for a community that matters to you, no? 
Tuxedo Catfish has issued a correction as of 15:10 on Feb 9, 2022 |
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Feb 9, 2022 15:04
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Tuxedo Catfish posted:i'm ADHD and autistic and have horrific insomnia both intrinsically related to those and exacerbated by my medication, believe me, i understand where you're coming from Thank you. You've given me a lot to think about. I mean it.
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Feb 9, 2022 15:28
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fanfic insert posted:Are you certain you're not being gaslit by a person with antisocial tendencies? The way it seems to have sprung out of nowhere and how this one person can jump in and out of intimate relationships sounds very much like a manipulative person who might've made the group be averse to you because if they aren't they could be next. Maybe, but I doubt it. All the stuff he said to me is true, and as far as 'social standings' go everybody in this group is pretty secure. I saw another friend from the group at our old workplace last night. We're still good; he assured me he's not going anywhere, but sounded quite certain that my friendship with the other guy is done. They had talked about me and he got the gist of it - though maybe I should have asked him what exactly was said. In any case, on your and Jorge Bell's advice, I decided to try to cut through it, straight to the point and ask what the deal is between friends. I texted a couple of other people "are we still friends?" last night, and I guess this was probably a bad move. Tone-deaf, at the very least. One friend went off on me in response, "grow up," "this is abusive," "when have you ever asked me how I am" etc... I'm confused by this kind of interaction because I thought we (this particular friend but also generally in a group sense) are the type who talk openly and frankly about our feelings - I'm certainly here for people and have been in the past - but people rarely reach out to me and when I reach out to them I'm being incredibly selfish. I'm confused because (aside from the obvious flaws with texting as a communications medium) I can never tell with some of these friends, whether to leave it or try to inquire. People barely ever respond to my asking "how's it going" or "got plans tonight," which is sort of how I feel a lot of this started. Mister Speaker has issued a correction as of 21:12 on Feb 9, 2022 |
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Feb 9, 2022 20:44
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thanks for the kind wordz
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Feb 10, 2022 02:58
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edit; I should shut up, it's no good advice. I went through something similar and have a bunch of stuff i wish I'd done differently so I wanted to post but I probably shouldn't.
fanfic insert has issued a correction as of 17:36 on Feb 10, 2022 |
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Feb 10, 2022 07:37
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Mister Speaker posted:In any case, on your and Jorge Bell's advice, I decided to try to cut through it, straight to the point and ask what the deal is between friends. I texted a couple of other people "are we still friends?" last night, and I guess this was probably a bad move. Tone-deaf, at the very least. One friend went off on me in response, "grow up," "this is abusive," "when have you ever asked me how I am" etc... Hey I'm glad you reached out, but taken in a lot of lights that text could seem super emotionally needy or manipulative. When I suggested you have a frank discussion I was imagining laying out the situation as you saw it and asking how they felt (ie "hey I feel like I'm not getting included as much or I've been driving you guys nuts, am I doing something that's irritating everybody?"), preferably in person. Or hell, just break it off with em. Managing the emotions of this group seems like it's causing you anguish. It shouldn't be that hard to be friends.
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Feb 11, 2022 22:00
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everyone keeps saying there's millions of jobs to fill but ive only been able to get like three interviews despite hundreds of applications/resumes and no bites and its kind of driving me crazy
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Feb 11, 2022 23:38
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pissinthewind posted:everyone keeps saying there's millions of jobs to fill but ive only been able to get like three interviews despite hundreds of applications/resumes and no bites and its kind of driving me crazy if it makea you feel any better the explanation is that HR is universally incompetent
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Feb 11, 2022 23:47
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Jorge Bell posted:Hey I'm glad you reached out, but taken in a lot of lights that text could seem super emotionally needy or manipulative. When I suggested you have a frank discussion I was imagining laying out the situation as you saw it and asking how they felt (ie "hey I feel like I'm not getting included as much or I've been driving you guys nuts, am I doing something that's irritating everybody?"), preferably in person. Yeah, you're right - and I pretty much immediately regretted sending those texts, even before one friend went off on me about how immature it was. But I don't know how else to get in touch with any of these people. We don't exactly run into each other unless there's a plan to hang out, and I have asked via text a few times in the recent past about meeting up, to zero response. Some of them won't even respond to a "how are you" anymore.
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Feb 12, 2022 03:06
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IDK dude maybe take the hint then, these people do not sound like friends to me. Either they suck or you're annoying. I can only tell you that if I got a text from someone saying "are we still friends" I'd roll my eyes and ignore it, because a) there are no good answers, since I'm either placating you or hurting you and b) it's a pretty pathetic thing to need to ask in the first place. Have you ever had a deep platonic connection before? Do you have a frame of reference for why some of this stuff could be badly received? Legit asking because it sounds like you're approaching this friend group thing with a lot more gravity than it deserves, almost like a desperation. I am seriously clinically (IANAT) recommending you give less of a poo poo.
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Feb 12, 2022 11:41
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pissinthewind posted:everyone keeps saying there's millions of jobs to fill but ive only been able to get like three interviews despite hundreds of applications/resumes and no bites and its kind of driving me crazy Half the job openings are fake in the first place. Also lots of places automatically screen out applications from anyone who's been unemployed for more than X time, as in, if you've been out of work for a few months they throw your poo poo straight in the trash because clearly there must be something wrong with you if you haven't been selling your labor for capitalist exploitation without pause since the day you turned 15. Already having a job makes it a lot easier to find a job, which sucks rear end. Until then, try lying? It sucks a lot and I was in that boat myself for a very long time before finally scrambling out of it into a job that would have been 'good' 3 years ago but now doesn't even cover rent on a studio apartment but at least I have insurance I guess.
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Feb 12, 2022 21:01
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Just got out of a 10 year relationship that was also my first. Covid really exacerbated some problems that we had and it finally took its toll. It ended on a relatively amicable note and we're staying friends but I can't help feeling empty and bitter especially because my ex doesn't seem to be affected as much as I am and is already actively moving on. I like to believe that I was doing really well before this but I never really learned how to live for or by myself and I'm worried that I'm going to undo all my progress and fall back into my classic depression spiral. Can't really even talk to anybody because I'm emotionally closed off and my friends are either shared with my ex (they're more likable than I am) or aren't very close. Just wanted to take advantage of the thread to vent a bit before going back to blunting my emotions with a poo poo ton of weed.
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Feb 13, 2022 07:03
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I’m noticing a trend here with weed. 🤔
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Feb 13, 2022 17:46
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Posting in here because I don't want to get yelled at in other threads (honestly I don't blame them) Everywhere is becoming dangerous with COVID. Stuff like travel is becoming unsustainable. But the question for me is what else am I supposed to do? I don't want to start a family that will live in Hell. I have no creative skills nor do I see the point in creating something that will just vanish with our civilization. Going to the gym requires being around people (you can catch COVID), volunteering requires being around people (you can catch COVID). Video games are becoming boring. Movies are becoming boring. This isn't living. What do I do? Sit still waiting for the end? AceOfFlames has issued a correction as of 19:18 on Feb 13, 2022 |
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Feb 13, 2022 17:58
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Dad's going in for sciatica surgery in a few days. They took him off his anti-inflammatory medication in preparation. He says he's never been in more pain. He's been through some painful experiences. Both standing and sitting cause him pain, but he plans on going into work tomorrow. If he takes painkillers, I'll drive him the hour or so to get there. At least he's not (currently) taking it out on me. He forgot to notify me that he needed a ride to a covid test. I was woken up from a restless night, and told I need to leave in 5 minutes to drive him 35 miles. I took my meds, had a caffeine pill, and grabbed a protein bar. I wasn't happy, and it's not a great idea to drive when I'm out of it. I got through it, though. I've been reaching out to some people, and it's helped quite a bit. I mention "friends" from NAMI, but maybe I should equate them more to a sponsor from AA or NA? I've never done those programs, but our interactions are different than I have with the people I met outside of the mental health arena. We're certainly friends, but we have different boundaries. We can talk about whatever horrible or embarrassing poo poo is going on, and understand each other. It's mutual support, so neither person comes across as "needy." I still draw boundaries and try to figure out their boundaries so I can respect them. I try to have multiple people I can reach out to in that way. I've had friends, acquaintances, and other people I got along with my whole life. I only started getting peer support in the last few years, and it has helped immensely. There are ready-made support systems out there, and I wish I had tapped into them much earlier in my life. I know I'm evangelical about this stuff. I've used all of the recommended coping mechanisms for years. Therapists, psychiatrists, medications, exercise, healthy food, etc. I only stopped feeling alone when I started going to DBSA, then NAMI. I now have very close friends who go through the same things I do. I still have issues with these organizations, and some of the people in them. I think I'm getting better at managing them. Bipolar disorder still sucks, and I'm still trying to manage it better. These social connections give me incentive to keep working at it. I don't want to let them down, and they encourage me to not let myself down. And that's the true meaning of 
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Feb 13, 2022 19:26
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It feels more and more like hope is the mental analog of refined sugar.
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Feb 13, 2022 22:59
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it's been almost 4(?) years since my dad died of an overdose, and i had a random breakdown in the shower where I just started crying when I remembered how he bought a telescope when I was young and we would look at the craters on the moon together it's kinda hosed up that he died when I was out of the country. i'm caught in the disney trope where he disappeared off-screen and now he could come back at any time. i keep having dreams where he comes back. they're essentially nightmares with how it leaves me feeling when i wake my sister is permanently hosed up from it, she was much closer and was there when he died. she carries around his ashes with her until we get him a cemetery plot. i dunno what point this post was supposed to make. venting into the abyss i guess
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Feb 13, 2022 23:33
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AceOfFlames posted:Posting in here because I don't want to get yelled at in other threads (honestly I don't blame them) Well, here's my suggestions in response to your question of "What do I do?". First, I must stress that I am not a physical or mental health expert of any kind. I am an unimportant person on the internet, nothing more. Going to the gym is high risk for COVID, especially if the gym is indoors, so I can't recommend that at all. But, regular exercise is crucial for physical health and can help with mental health. Three types of exercise I regularly do in the era of COVID are outdoor jogging, Ring Fit Adventure at home (that's an exercise video game for the Nintendo Switch), or just doing knee lifts/arm pumps/power walking in place while playing any console game with a wireless controller, or watching anything on TV. With regard to social activity, the best advice I have is to get vaccinated and get your booster if you haven't already, give the booster a couple weeks to take full effect, then wear an N95 mask whenever you're around other people. Never settle for anything less than an N95 mask. Never take your N95 off for anything, while you're away from home. N95s can be reused for a while but not forever; I'm not an expert on the details, but you'll need to buy new ones every so often. The COVID thread on C-SPAM has recommendations for more sophisticated respirators whose "only downside are that they make you look like Bane"; only you can judge whether you want to use one of those. With the protection from your vaxx and your mask, you can go out and volunteer. It is still a risk. You can keep the risk as low as possible, and do good where good is needed, and meet and talk to people. From your description of the alternative ("This isn't living"), it sounds like it could be a risk worth taking for you. But I am just guessing. Only you can determine whether the risk is worth it.
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Feb 14, 2022 01:03
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