r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

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The Glumslinger: Sep 24, 2008; Coach Nagy, you want me to throw to WHAT side of the field?; Hair Elf

Hughlander posted:

AITA for uninviting my SIL to my wedding for her trashy behavior?

So I'm guessing 0% chance that the cousins were kicked out for being so trashy to go to a strip club

# ? Feb 15, 2022 08:24

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# ? May 30, 2024 21:25

Hughlander: May 11, 2005

The Glumslinger posted:

So I'm guessing 0% chance that the cousins were kicked out for being so trashy to go to a strip club

Well no. They�re scholars.

# ? Feb 15, 2022 08:47

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

lumpentroll posted:

AITA for asking my wife not to gaze into people�s windows at night while I drive?

And the gold medal for biggest leap of logic goes to

# ? Feb 15, 2022 09:33

pentyne: Nov 7, 2012

Always good to finally understand the context behind a phrase I've seen repeatedly but never quite understood.

quote:

My family poops big. Maybe it's genetic, maybe it's our diet, but everyone births giant logs of crap. If anyone has laid a mega-poop, you know that sometimes it won't flush. It lays across the hole in the bottom of the bowl and the vortex of draining water merely gives it a spin as it mocks you.

Growing up, this was a common enough occurrence that our family had a poop knife. It was an old rusty kitchen knife that hung on a nail in the laundry room, only to be used for that purpose. It was normal to walk through the hallway and have someone call out "hey, can you get me the poop knife"?

I thought it was standard kit. You have your plunger, your toilet brush, and your poop knife.

Fast forward to 22. It's been a day or two between poops and I'm over at my friend's house. My friend was the local dealer and always had 'guests' over, because you can't buy weed without sitting on your rear end and sampling it for an hour. I excuse myself and lay a gigantic turd. I look down and see that it's a sideways one, so I crack the door and call out for my friend. He arrives and I ask him for his poop knife.

"My what?"

Your poop knife, I say. I need to use it. Please.

"Wtf is a poop knife?"

Obviously he has one, but maybe he calls it by a more delicate name. A fecal cleaver? A Dung divider? A guano glaive? I explain what it is I want and why I want it.

He starts giggling. Then laughing. Then lots of people start laughing. It turns out, the music stopped and everyone heard my pleas through the door. It also turns out that none of them had poop knives, it was just my hosed up family with their hosed up bowels. FML.

I told this to my wife last night, who was amused and horrified at the same time. It turns out that she did not know what a poop knife was and had been using the old rusty knife hanging in the utility closet as a basic utility knife. Thankfully she didn't cook with it, but used it to open Amazon boxes.

She will be getting her own utility knife now.

[Edit: Common question - Why was this not in the bathroom instead of the laundry room? Answer. We only had one poop knife, and the laundry room was central to all three bathrooms. I have no idea why we didn't have three poop knives. All I know is that we didn't. We had the one. Possibly because my father was notoriously cheap about the weirdest things. So yes, we shared our poop knife.]

Was poop knife a twitter thing at some point? Was that about making a knife out of frozen poop? So many questions.

# ? Feb 15, 2022 10:45

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

Another one from r/Legaladvice

[Alabama] Harassing neighbor

quote:

I have a neighbor for the last 3 years has been harassing me none stop. She tries to control how I live (its an apartment complex and shes the down stairs neighbor and the walls and floors are really thin)

I have cerebral palsy, I walk heavy due to it and have gained weight that made it worse. In the past she has complained to management about it and bangs against my floor with a broom.

I have tried to be reasonable and placate her. I don't move to the point I get cramps, I have given myself kidney infections because she has complained about me using the bathroom at night to the manager (who thankfully just rolls her eyes at it) complains that I sit down too hard, so I bought new furniture to try and placate and nothing works.

I don't watch TV, and people refuse to come over because of her. My nephew has said she has said somethings to him that made him afraid to move around too much in my house when he's over.

The property manager told me about her when I moved in because she had issues with the last person that lived in my apartment.

I have really bad anxiety (that I have documents to back up as needed) so this has effected my mental health and sends me into panic attacks.

Do I have any legal/civil recourses. She hasn't threatened violence, she has just been for lack of a better term, a big Karen. So what can I do to get it to end if the property manager doesn't put a stop to it?

# ? Feb 15, 2022 10:52

Angrymog: Jan 30, 2012; Really Madcats

re: non traditional wedding that the family don't like, I think Indian wedding - because of the traditional music line.

# ? Feb 15, 2022 11:03

jazzyhattrick: Jul 1, 2010; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Halloween Jack posted:

Maybe he needs to butt out of his daughter's personal life by not loving people she personally knows?

Nah,

therobit posted:

Another one from r/Legaladvice

[Alabama] Harassing neighbor

SWAT her. Problem solved, just make sure the tip can't be traced back to you.

# ? Feb 15, 2022 11:41

Evil Willow: Apr 26, 2007; Bored now...

This guy is just making my skin crawl. Gross!

I told this girl why she was single and she got mad at me; what did I do wrong?

quote:

I recently became acquainted with a girl and I gave her some tips on dating, as she hasn't really gotten much experience with guys (even as friends) and lacks confidence because she thinks she looks ugly.

I looked at a photo of her face and I saw that she doesn't really wear makeup. I thought she was slightly above average looking, which isn't that great compared to all women (as I know many women her age who put TONS of effort into their looks) but still pretty decent as she's above average without makeup! Like she has a good foundation to improve her looks upon unlike some other women who are naturally below average and only go up to average with makeup.

So on that front, I think she could improve her looks and become more conventionally attractive with makeup.

However, I also told her that she needs to stop obsessing over her looks and just get out there and flirt with the guys and break some hearts so she can gain experience talking to men and get confidence.

I told her that while she wasn't the most gorgeous woman and that her face was average, that she had a nice slender body which makes her solidly above average. Like, I'm too old for her but drat, if we were the same age, I'd date her even though she's not a total 10/10.

Her confidence is holding her back more than her looks honestly and I was truthful about her looks being slightly above average but so what? It's still good enough for most men. I'm an average 5/10 and I still get to date really hot women because I'm confident and wealthy.

# ? Feb 15, 2022 11:44

Mx.: Dec 16, 2006; I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!

Evil Willow posted:

This guy is just making my skin crawl. Gross!

I told this girl why she was single and she got mad at me; what did I do wrong?

acid bath

# ? Feb 15, 2022 11:48

Invisible Clergy: Sep 25, 2015; "Behold, I will corrupt your seed, and spread dung upon your faces"

Malachi 2:3

pentyne posted:

Always good to finally understand the context behind a phrase I've seen repeatedly but never quite understood.

Was poop knife a twitter thing at some point? Was that about making a knife out of frozen poop? So many questions.

The post is a couple of years old, so it was reposted by the usual suspects in listicles (buzzfeed, twitter, etc) and was predictably turned into a plastic piece of junk novelty you can buy for $20 with none of the profits going to the OP.

Freezing your poo poo into a knife is unrelated: additional detail here

# ? Feb 15, 2022 13:26

Involuntary Sparkle: Aug 12, 2004; Chemo-kitties can have �accidents� too!

Angrymog posted:

re: non traditional wedding that the family don't like, I think Indian wedding - because of the traditional music line.

They mentioned the fiance being from a different province, so I figured it wasn't India. Pakistan, Russia?

# ? Feb 15, 2022 14:07

AnoHito: May 8, 2014

Indian wedding would make a lot of sense, since it's supposedly this big, exhausting affair that's very much more for the families than the people actually getting married. The Indian people I've known who've had traditional weddings talk about it roughly they same way you'd talk about a weeklong waterboarding session, so good on the brother for dodging it.

# ? Feb 15, 2022 14:17

B-Rock452: Jan 6, 2005

Grape posted:

Whoever itt said that Childfree creeps are basically super immature losers upset that something even more immature might usurp them?

Well howdy exhibit A here, early 30's woman who talks like a 2003 era internet tween with "not giving a flying monkey" and poo poo lol.

All the "childfree" people are just terminally online as well. I am friends with several couples that just never wanted kids for whatever reason but we all still hangout because they haven't made being childfree their defining personality trait. It's honestly easier to hang out with them since only one couple needs to figure out a baby sitter and they all know that if they ever question their decision they can come over and watch our kids for a few hours and get it out of their system

# ? Feb 15, 2022 14:18

deety: Aug 2, 2004; zombies + sharks = fun

The first childfree people I ever met were confusing because one of them had kids from a previous relationship, so I guess they were childfree except for two weekends a month and a chunk of every summer. They joined a local club based around socializing without kids and used to moan about how hard it was to find friends without kids (while hanging out with our group who mostly didn't have kids). They talked about children more than any of my parent friends do on the nights we make adults-only plans. The wife used to insist that he was a good dad and she just didn't interact with his daughters much, but it's hard to imagine how their vocal disdain for having kids around wouldn't seep into his custody time. Thankfully the friend of a friend connection there got dropped because those people were drama.

The only other real-life childfree person I know is the type whose main conversational mode is complaining. Her entire social media feed is about how annoyed she is at life. Every time I run into her she goes on this rant about how all her friends suck because they keep ditching her. Then she asks if I want to go grab dinner/drinks. And... no? Why would I volunteer to be on the list of people you're going to whine about later?

# ? Feb 15, 2022 15:35

Soylent Pudding: Jun 22, 2007; We've got people!

AITA for refusing to change my son's chosen first and middle name per my BIL's request?

quote:

Throwaway, also the username is inspired by the family situation at the moment.

So, My wife F32 and I M31 struggled with infirtility for a while. My wife's now 7 months pregnant with a baby boy. We started searching for a first and middle name and since I come from Irish origins we decided to settle on my great uncle's first name and my grandfather's middle name. We told my inlaws about it. My BIL ( a doctor with a superiority complex) thought the name was awesome, unbeknowest to us, he and his wife decided to basically take not just the first but the middle name and use them for their son who was born 3 weeks ago. I was not pleased and I hated that they basically stolen the names but my wife and I decided to ignore them and just keep the names.

We didn't make a fuss out of it til my BIL called to ask about "the new names" we chose. I told him we're still sticking with the original first and middle names we chose, He sounded confused saying we no longer have a right to these names after he and his wife "claimed them" and said it was strange that we're still planning on using them. I laughed and said that they didn't calim poo poo! fact of the matter is, he and his wife stole those names from us and should deal with it.

He got mad and demanded I put my wife on the phone, but we were both already on speaker and my wife backed me up 100%. BIL then hung up and did 2 things: One, send his family FIL, MIL, SIL etc.. to come at me specifically. and 2, Send long lists of first and middle names suggestions DEMANDING we choose from them and leave him and his family alone. My wife got into a fight with him just a day ago and told him he and his wife didn't even choose those names out of love, but out of spite to stick it to me for no reason.

FIL came over in the evening and started yelling obscenities at me, accusibg me of turning his daughter against her brother, calling me a pity bastard, and claiming I own neither of those to name despite having familial ties with. I said If I don't own those names then his doctor son sure as hell doesn't. I told him to leave but he kept arguing til I said I'd call the police. he left then but is now getting MIL constantly calling my wife telling her to do the right thing if she still wants a relationship with her nephew. The conflict gets worst and my wife's caving in and cracking under pressure, I keep refusing to change the name.

So reddit AITA?

# ? Feb 15, 2022 15:52

Sisal Two-Step: May 29, 2006; mom without jaw
dad without wife

i'm taking all the Ls now, sorry

Childfree weirdos are also usually misogynists. Even the women (especially the women tbh). Calling other women "mombies", "mombots", "incubators", "cows", and other vile things.

# ? Feb 15, 2022 16:06

Sisal Two-Step: May 29, 2006; mom without jaw
dad without wife

i'm taking all the Ls now, sorry

AITA for refusing to drive the neighbors child home from school when he called me a F-slur?

quote:

Not the A-hole

I am a 18 year old in high school, I bought myself my first car this year and buy my own gas but my parents let me put the car on their insurance instead of getting my own in exchange for a few chores including driving my neighbors child home from school occasionally when the parents are working late

Last Friday my parents asked me to pick the neighbors boy Kyle up from school. He is a high school freshman but he has skipped a grade so he is younger than usual. Maybe better academically but honestly he's immature even for his age.

Also for context I'm a lesbian and just a week ago I asked my crush to be my girlfriend and she said yes!!

Now another thing about me driving, I'm new and my parents have told me it's really important not to be distracted driving, if there is ever a distraction like my brother misbehaving I should pull over and not drive again until I can drive without a distraction.

They don't let me drive my friends yet or anyone but my brother and Kyle because they could be a distraction.

So I was driving my brother and Kyle home last Friday and Kyle says "I heard you're a f-slur" (but he didn't censor himself)

I had just pulled out of the school driveway and gone maybe 30 feet. I pulled over, parked the car in someone's driveway, and turned around and said "Excuse me, what did you just say?"

And he goes "Are you a f-slur?" And I go "I have a girlfriend, but you can't be using that word. Ever, you hear me?"

He said "So you're a F-slur then?" And I said "Did your father or mother teach you that word?"

He said "no everyone knows that what you are."

I asked where he had learned that word, was it at home?

He said no, he wasn't a r-word, he knows what it means.

I said that if he spoke one more word I was kicking him out of the car. And that I was going to speak to his parents.

He said "What, you're gonna go tattle like a baby because I'm just stating the obvious? Everyone says it."

I started the car again and drove back to the school. I parked there and told him to come with me to the office. He wouldn't, so I walked to the office alone and asked the guidance counselor for help, there was a freshman boy who wouldn't leave my car, was calling me slurs, and needed his parents to come pick him up or someone to help him find the correct bus.

She went out and brought him to the office and I went home with my my brother.

I told my parents what had happened but they apparently got a call from the neighbors first who'd been called at work by the school. They were furious I caused problems with the nextdoor neighbors... Saying I should have just driven him home and they could have a talk with his parents.

I said he was distracting me and they had told me I can't drive with distracting people in the car. And they said I was "twisting their words"

AITA for not taking the kid home?

quote:

haha I work in customer service, I deal with bigger assholes that this dipshit every week

And you're so right about him just trying to provoke me, again my job really taught me to see through it when someone is trying to get on your nerves lol. I don't get mad back for minimum wage and i sure as hell don't get mad back for no pay at all.

# ? Feb 15, 2022 16:19

Chef Boyardeez Nuts: Sep 9, 2011; The more you kick against the pricks, the more you suffer.

therobit posted:

Another one from r/Legaladvice

[Alabama] Harassing neighbor

This one's easy. If her neighbor freaks over incidental noise she's critically weak to legal noise. Buy a decibel meter and familiarize yourself with the local noise ordinance. If your neighbor acts up put on a legally permissable Lincoln Park LP and go for a walk.

Repeat as necessary.

# ? Feb 15, 2022 16:33

Zulily Zoetrope: Jun 1, 2011; Muldoon

There are plenty of "pay it forward" wedding traditions you would be an rear end in a top hat to opt out of. Like a Bosnian wedding is pretty much a feast for the neighborhood, and you get to dine free every weekend there's a wedding nearby, with the expectation you'll pick up the tab once in your life. Like there's plenty of reasons you might opt out of that, but if you have the ability to do so, and have gone to the weddings of total strangers to get a shank of suckling lamb, you're being kind of a prick.

Or, there was one tradition I heard of in this thread (I think somewhere in China) where all the married couples band together to give a newlywed couple a huge lump sum of money with which to start their life together. OP decided they didn't need to follow this tradition the moment they got they got their money and someone else got married, and didn't pay a dime forward because they had nothing to gain from that. They were pretty much unilaterally declared the rear end in a top hat for having a "non-traditional" attitude, and for good reason.

If any of those details were pertinent to the post in question, OP would for sure have mentioned them.

# ? Feb 15, 2022 16:33

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

I've said it before, the difference between "I'm not having children" and "I'm child-free" is the same as "I play video games" and "I'm a gamer" Avoid the latter in both cases.

# ? Feb 15, 2022 16:42

Tarkus: Aug 27, 2000

The terms crotch-spawn and crotch droppings were very popular on these forums in the early 2000's. And yes, the forums were extremely mysogynist.

# ? Feb 15, 2022 16:44

teen witch: Oct 9, 2012

Tarkus posted:

The terms crotch-spawn and crotch droppings were very popular on these forums in the early 2000's. And yes, the forums were extremely mysogynist.

Were?

# ? Feb 15, 2022 16:45

WoodrowSkillson: Feb 24, 2005; *Gestures at 60 years of Lions history*

teen witch posted:

Were?

i mean, it was a lot worse

# ? Feb 15, 2022 16:46

teen witch: Oct 9, 2012

(It�s getting better, but whenever we get a goon posting straight out of 2004 it�s rough)

# ? Feb 15, 2022 16:46

Seth Pecksniff: May 27, 2004; can't believe shrek is fucking dead. rip to a real one.

OH poo poo IM AN 04 I THOUGHT I WAS 06

oh my god I'm older than I thought.

# ? Feb 15, 2022 16:47

teen witch: Oct 9, 2012

I�m glad the forums are �growing up�, even if it means some Bush-era weirdo has a meltdown over wanting to do a sexism

# ? Feb 15, 2022 16:48

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

WHADDYA MEAN WE CAN'T CALL DAMES BROADS NO MORE

# ? Feb 15, 2022 16:50

Halloween Jack: Sep 12, 2003; I WILL CUT OFF BOTH OF MY ARMS BEFORE I VOTE FOR ANYONE THAT IS MORE POPULAR THAN BERNIE!!!!!

therobit posted:

AITA for asking that my daughter not share a room with a special needs kid?

Our eldest, 'Izzy' is 10. She is a doll. My son, 'Luke' has autism and ADHD and while lovable, can be a bit of a handful at times. Therefore, Izzy is witness to both the fun and not-so-fun parts of neurodiversity and has developed saintly patience and a knack for helping special needs kids with a sense of maturity beyond her years.

Particulary notable is her kindness with 'Maisy', a girl in her class with autism and severe anxiety, which has worsened as a result of the tumult of the last few years. Izzy's help to Maisy has been bought to my attention before and I am a super proud mama. Next weekend, school are taking my daughter's class on a trip, and on Thursday, Izzy's teacher asked her to be in a room with Maisy, saying it would make Maisy happy (Maisy has intense separation anxiety and has never been away from home before) but framing it as a choice. Always obedient and wanting to do good by her teachers, Izzy agreed but came home crying saying that she didn't want to be with Maisy, because she wanted a break from having to 'be stressed so others can be happy'.

Sigh.

# ? Feb 15, 2022 16:51

Dang It Bhabhi!: May 27, 2004; ASK ME ABOUT
BEING
ESCULA GRIND'S
#1 SIMP

What if you think kids are great and deserve love and respect and nurturing but don�t, like, personally think you should have any and you don�t ever talk about it unless someone asks you because it is the opposite of a fun conversation?

# ? Feb 15, 2022 16:53

Seth Pecksniff: May 27, 2004; can't believe shrek is fucking dead. rip to a real one.

teen witch posted:

I�m glad the forums are �growing up�, even if it means some Bush-era weirdo has a meltdown over wanting to do a sexism

thankfully (for us) they have r/incels and r/mysoginy to get all their :females:

hatred out

# ? Feb 15, 2022 16:53

hawowanlawow: Jul 27, 2009

I watched Shrek yesterday and they called snow white a broad lol

# ? Feb 15, 2022 16:53

Cthulu Carl: Apr 16, 2006

Tarkus posted:

The terms crotch-spawn and crotch droppings were very popular on these forums in the early 2000's. And yes, the forums were extremely mysogynist.

Sometimes it's funny to call babies 'larva' and the act of birth as 'front-pooping', though.

# ? Feb 15, 2022 16:56

Halloween Jack: Sep 12, 2003; I WILL CUT OFF BOTH OF MY ARMS BEFORE I VOTE FOR ANYONE THAT IS MORE POPULAR THAN BERNIE!!!!!

Chef Boyardeez Nuts posted:

This one's easy. If her neighbor freaks over incidental noise she's critically weak to legal noise. Buy a decibel meter and familiarize yourself with the local noise ordinance. If your neighbor acts up put on a legally permissable Lincoln Park LP and go for a walk.

I knew a guy who actually did this. His dudebrosef law student neighbours kept having rowdy parties every night of every weekend, so the night before the LSAT, he put on hearing protection and blasted Ween's "You hosed Up" all night.

# ? Feb 15, 2022 16:57

El Spamo: Aug 21, 2003; Fuss and misery

Pope Corky the IX posted:

I've said it before, the difference between "I'm not having children" and "I'm child-free" is the same as "I play video games" and "I'm a gamer" Avoid the latter in both cases.

Truth. I think it's an "I [want to] belong to a community" attitude that's amplified by the sheer ease of connecting with like-minded people in these days of social media and boiling down a nuanced preference into a 128 character long statement.

Totally not replying to check my reg date

e: 2003 oh noo

# ? Feb 15, 2022 17:01

StrangersInTheNight: Dec 31, 2007; ABSOLUTE FUCKING GUDGEON

I regged on the very last day of 07 bc I didn't want to deal with people giving me poo poo for being an 08, and then people immediately stopped caring about regdates that very moment, as if someone wrote it like a comedy bit.

You're all welcome for ending that curse.

# ? Feb 15, 2022 17:03

The Glumslinger: Sep 24, 2008; Coach Nagy, you want me to throw to WHAT side of the field?; Hair Elf

# ? Feb 15, 2022 17:08

B-Rock452: Jan 6, 2005

Halloween Jack posted:

I knew a guy who actually did this. His dudebrosef law student neighbours kept having rowdy parties every night of every weekend, so the night before the LSAT, he put on hearing protection and blasted Ween's "You hosed Up" all night.

My wife and I did this back when we lived next to a god awful art co op house that always had parties and would get super insulted if you asked them to stop. Waking up at 7am the morning after so I could just blare Bruce Springsteen all day was our solution. The one woman got so angry when she came out and asked if I could turn it down and I just laughed in her face and turned it up. After a few weeks of that they actually stopped having the parties.

# ? Feb 15, 2022 17:08

Mr. Lobe: Feb 23, 2007; ... Dry bones...

Dang It Bhabhi! posted:

What if you think kids are great and deserve love and respect and nurturing but don’t, like, personally think you should have any and you don’t ever talk about it unless someone asks you because it is the opposite of a fun conversation?

That's called being a normal person

# ? Feb 15, 2022 17:09

PetraCore: Jul 20, 2017; 👁️🔥👁️👁️👁️BE NOT👄AFRAID👁️👁️👁️🔥👁️

Halloween Jack posted:

Sigh.

I... honestly think Maisy shouldn't go on this trip because the best time for her to be away from home for a night for the first time isn't when she's overloaded by her classmates and away from her familial support system, if she's got such bad anxiety. You're supposed to work on these things slowly, not throw the poor kid off the deep end because you figure her classmate can be her caretaker for the night. It's not fair to Izzy, but it's also not fair to Maisy?

# ? Feb 15, 2022 17:17

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# ? May 30, 2024 21:25

Cobalt-60: Oct 11, 2016; by Azathoth

I still think of myself as childfree because "childless" implies I'm missing something. I would never identify myself as such, though.

# ? Feb 15, 2022 17:32

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

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