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Jim goes “Orc Mode” at the office. Unfortunately he’s only seen orcs from the 2017 Netflix stinker Bright. He dresses up in sagging jeans, a bandanna and backwards baseball cap, and keeps calling Stanley “Homeslice.” Toby sends him home.
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Mar 4, 2022 01:22
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| # ? Jun 3, 2024 23:48 |
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Dwight's stapler goes "gelatinous cube" mode at the office. Dwight is sure Jim is behind it.
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Mar 4, 2022 01:31
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Jim goes "Elf Mode" at the office. This consists on Jim setting up a hammock at the office, covering it with leaves scrounged from the parking lot, and then Jim dressing down until he his nude and only wearing a pair of footwear made of lily petals, while he (badly) strums a harp. This is meant as a prank on Dwight somehow.
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Mar 4, 2022 03:20
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Jim goes "Dwarf Mode" at the office. This consists of “cracking open a cold one” and “souping up” the mechanical devices around Dunder Mifflin. When Dwight comes into the office Christmas party dressed as an elf, Jim insults him by pretending there is racial animosity between dwarves and elves. Dwight, who doesn’t understand anything about what is happening, has been duly pranked.
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Mar 4, 2022 03:58
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Dwight goes “Ranger Mode” at the office. Chips the monkey, Little Champion the giant eagle, and Mose the dog are his animal companions. Jim casts “Drain Level” on him.
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Mar 4, 2022 04:00
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Jim goes "Human Mode" in the office. This means that he just comes in and does some loving work for a change. This ends up as a prank on the company because he scares off all the clients with nonsensical topics like balloon boy, cosmic Jim, stapler in jello, beet juice and pranks. As a consequence, Dunder-Mifflin loses all its business and everyone gets laid off.
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Mar 4, 2022 04:46
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Jim does a hard u-turn in traffic when he spots Dwight's car in a Goodwill parking lot and can't resist seeing what Schrute's up to. Buying used clothes, no doubt. Eagerly dashing to the front door, he's debating should he make a silent approach or go in loud. The sight of Dwight wearing a Goodwill T-shirt summons a hearty guffaw from Jim, making his decision for him! "Oh, Dwight, look at you! I had no idea things had gotten so bad that you're reduced to buying hand-me-down Goodwill uniforms!" "Yes, I DID buy a Goodwill uniform shirt, but that's because I'm volunteering my time at this store so it can stay open during the pandemic so that that the less fortunate of our region can have the opportunity to buy gently-used clothing and other merchandise, giving these items a second-chance and keeping them out of landfills." "You're..." Jim looks around the store at the customers who couldn't help but notice his entrance. "You're selling garbage?" "No, this isn't garbage. These are gently-used donations from the community that still--" "NO! What goes in a landfill, DWIGHT!? What goes in a landfill!?" Dwight hesitates to answer, finally admitting, "Garbage." "You hear that, everyone!? This store is nothing but a bunch of thieves and conmen! It's all a big scam! They're not paying for any of the stuff you're buying, and after you buy it, where is the stuff going?! It's not going to END UP in YOUR home! YOUR home is just temporary storage until YOU throw it into the landfill, and you're paying these crooks for the privilege! This store is robbing you blind!" Before long, Jim has worked the crowd into a riot, stoking their vandalism and looting of the store. An hour later, as Dwight sits on a curb across the street wrapped in a fireman's blanket, watching the Goodwill smoldering, he sees Jim drive up to the remains of the donation drop off center to drop off dozens of smashed vintage Sony Trinitrons, leaking car batteries, jugs of used antifreeze, and boxes of broken novelty coffee mugs. "Just doing my part to keep this out of the landfill, Dwight!" Jim waves, mugging to the camera.
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Mar 4, 2022 09:21
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Jim breaks into the servers of every streaming service and replaces the files for Battlestar Galactica with Star Trek: Picard.
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Mar 4, 2022 14:38
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Jim gives Dwight poor advice after Dwight gets pulled into an RPG game.
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Mar 4, 2022 14:52
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Jim and Pam are on a couples retreat to Cape Cod. Pam is willing to give her marriage one last chance, and some time away from Scranton is just what she needs. She’s nervous, and Jim is oddly subdued, as they drive out and settle in their rented house. It’s a beautiful place. There’s a balcony that looks out over the water, which is stormy and grey. The cold winds whip off the waves, marking the dark clouds above. But the dark scene is also peaceful, and they are alone. Almost like the last two people on Earth. Pam boils water and makes tea, while Jim unpacks upstairs. When he comes back down, they go out and sit outside. The hot tea and the cold air. They sit in silence for a long time. Eventually, Pam begins to speak. Hesitantly at first, then in a torrent. About her hopes, her fears, her sadness at failing out of art school. How she feels the marriage is ending, and she doesn’t know when or how it went wrong. Jim is quiet, then he speaks. He tells Pam about how he believes he “souped up” the elevator as a prank. About the time he kept going through the soup kitchen line, or caused a riot at a Goodwill. His stories get ever more fanciful but Jim clearly believes them. He once became a sentient AI and ended humanity. Once, Jim was in thrall to an ancient evil god. There is some kind of “cosmic Jim” that gives him pranking powers. Pam realizes that this is the last night she will ever spend with Jim. He’s a danger to himself, to her, to their children. She goes upstairs quietly, sits on the corner of her bed, and cries. With glassy eyes, Jim looks out on the ocean for hours until it is night and the sky is black. He smirks.
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Mar 4, 2022 14:57
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Jim shows up to work dressed in a tuxedo, top hat, and with an obnoxious mustache. Dwight, usually not one to joke, laughs and tells Jim that Charles Miner is showing up again today. A brief look of fear flashes across Jim's face before Dwight apologizes for the jest, but he just couldn't resist. Jim reaches into his tuxedo pocket and pull out a gold watch on a chain, which he begins swinging in a pendulum motion. "Keep your eyes on the watch, Jim. Your eyes are getting heavy. You are getting sleepy. Very sleepy. You would love nothing more than to lay your head down right now and fall asleep." Jim's sing-song voice and the repetitive motion of the watch lull Dwight into a hypnotic state, bringing a smile to Jim's face. "Now, Dwight, listen to my voice and obey. Any time I say the word 'spaghetti' you will --" Jim is suddenly cut off by the front door of the office slamming open. "Jim! Do you have that rundown for me? I've been waiting for it, man, you gotta focus. What the HELL are you wearing?" It's Charles Miner in all of his handsome, professional, beautiful glory. With no wasted motion he heads over to Jim's desk and snatches the hat off his head and the watch out of his hand in one fluid movement. He stomps on the hat. "You're hypnotizing Dwight? What the hell, Jim?! We pay you for this? Well, not any more. I'm getting this little mistake corrected once and for all." Charles heads towards Michael's office as Jim lets out a weak and blubbery "w-w-wait!" and chases after him. The commotion has snapped Dwight out of his suggestable state, leaving him with no memory of the incident. In fact, the few moments of hypnotic sleep have left him extremely rested and refreshed. Dwight goes back to work as Jim starts crying in Michael's office, begging for another chance. Jim tries to mug for the camera. "No, none of this garbage, Jim. You want to mug for a camera, you do it on your own time outside of Dunder Mifflin, where you are no longer an employee. Do I need to escort you out of here myself? You know what, let's do it, I don't mind." Charles lifts a crying and tantrum-throwing Jim over his shoulder with one arm, carrying the scarecrow-like man as if he were a bag of refuse to be tossed out. Charles takes the stairs (having been warned that Jim 'souped up' the elevator earlier) and sets Jim down in the parking lot. "Hey Jim, maybe this is the best thing for you. Get your head on straight, learn to be an adult. You have a wife and kids, this pranking garbage is pathetic." Jim walks away and mutters "go gently caress yourself" under his breath. "What did you say, Jim? Care to repeat that for me?" Jim blubbers out "sorry" and runs away. Realizing that he and Pam came in the same car today and that Pam has the keys, Jim awkwardly sits at a nearby bus stop for the next 8 and a half hours. As 5 o'clock approaches, he heads back to the parking lot to ride home with Pam. Charles Miner is standing there, arms crossed, a serious expression on his face. "Oh no, this parking lot is for employees only, Jim. Your wife can pick you up across the street." Jim silently walks across the street, staring at the office door. Pam eventually walks out along with Dwight and Angela. They are all laughing and smiling. Pam makes awkward eye contact with Jim for a moment, then quickly darts her eyes away. She and the Schrutes continue talking for nearly 20 minutes, with Charles Miner eventually joining in. The conversation ends and Charles high-fives everyone, then gives Dwight a big hug. Pam looks depressed as she drives across the street to pick up Jim. Jim mugs for the camera, realizing that the joke is on him this time.
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Mar 4, 2022 15:17
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Dwight visits Jim in his new apartment. Jim shows Dwight his cool race car bed, and asks “I sleep in a racing car, do you?”
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Mar 4, 2022 17:17
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As Dwight is sleeping in his big bed with his wife, Jim crashes his "souped up" racing car bed through the wall, destroying Dwight's bed. "Not anymore you don't!" hollers Jim, responding to a remark Dwight had made hours ago.
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Mar 4, 2022 17:26
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Dwight finishes writing his final charitable donation of the month. He hesitates for a moment before filling in the "For" line. Dwight taps his pen to his chin as he looks outside. High atop Mt. Scranton lies Ravensbeak Asylum for the Criminally Insane. The building stretches into the sky like a corpse's hand reaching from the grave. Crumbling stone spires extend up, each one manned by an armed guard. The building, modelled after a quant Victorian mansion, looks as if pure willpower is holding it together. Shingles are peeling off the roof, the wooden exterior's paint is peeling, and the glass of the windows has all unnaturally yellowed, as if the building is decades older than its true age. A storm cloud rages overhead, lightning crashing around the facility. A wicked wind howls and the building creaks as if a single gust of wind might blow collapse the entire facility. Once upon a time, Dwight thinks, this was a beautiful building. But it's almost as if the monstrous nature of the insanity contained within has transformed the building itself, a reflection of the fractured mind inside. Is this the right thing? Is it humane to keep him locked away like this? The storm cloud rages over Ravensbeak and Dwight stares at it. It almost looks like a face is forming now, a smug face full of malice and inhuman hunger. A crash of thunder brings Dwight out of his malaise and he returns to his work. In the "For" line, Dwight simply writes "Jim".
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Mar 4, 2022 17:34
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Pam opens the front door of the family car and gallons of lukewarm soup pour out, gushing over her legs and soaking her shoes. "Jim!" she hollers. "Dammit, Pam!" shouts Jim, storming out of the house. "Do you have any idea how much that soup cost? How long it took to fill the car with soup, one can at a time? All so you could dump it out onto the driveway and ruin my 'souped up' car gag!" Pam sits down on the driveway and starts crying into her knees. Jim takes the keys from her and drives off to buy more soup. Both of them have unexcused absences from work that day.
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Mar 4, 2022 17:40
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Jim takes Dwight out to the parking lot at lunch to see Jim's car, which Jim boasts has been really "souped up." Jim grins from ear to ear as Dwight stares in confusion at Jim's car, which is filled to the brim with soup. "Jim and I had to drive to work in bathing suits and snorkels," explains Pam in a talking head. "I'll never get the soup smell out of my hair."
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Mar 4, 2022 17:46
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Jim invites Dwight to Olive Garden for lunch. "Don't worry, buddy, I got this." Jim pulls out a gift card and makes a flashy show of presenting it to the waiter, then asks for the unlimited soup, salad, and breadsticks. For the next 6 hours, Jim ingests bowl after bowl of soup. As the meal lurches on, Jim begins sweating profusely through his clothing and occasionally belching. "Oh man, I shouldn't..." Jim belches again, "... shouldn't have had that 19th bowl of chicken gnocchi." Jim dry heaves, then shoves a breadstick violently down his throat. "There we go, gotta push the soup down the ol' pipes, eh Dwight? You know what I'm talking about." Bowls pile up at the table as the waiter attempts to hint that Jim and Dwight should leave the restaurant immediately. "More soup!" Jim screeches, spraying Zuppa Toscana on his shirt, "more soup for me and my friend!" Jim undoes his belt and unbuttons his pants, then untucks his shirt. He theatrically pats his engorged stomach and burps again. A thick, mucousy substance is oozing out of Jim's nose and the side of his mouth now. Dwight politely asks if they can leave now. "NO! I need to soup up this lunch! I need to soup up my life, Dwight! More soup! MORE SOUP FOR ME!!" Dwight stands up and leaves Jim to gluttony. It's been hard for Jim, what with Pam taking the kids and the recent legal issues with the Walt Disney Company. But this is too much, even for Dwight. Olive Garden has run out of soup bowls and has begun serving Jim his soup inside of mugs. Jim stares at it, quizzically, and begins to laugh. An entire gnocchi flies out of his mouth and splats on the table.
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Mar 4, 2022 18:41
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jim "soups up" the lift at Dunder Mifflin. specifically, the pneumatic lift that forms part of dwight's office chair. jim overcharges the cylinder to a dangerous degree, and precariously balances a can of soup over the piston. after sitting down, dwight has to go to the hospital to get the can removed. due to a miscommunication, Meredith is taken to the hospital instead
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Mar 4, 2022 18:56
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At the Bi-Monthly Jim Society Meeting, Cosmic Jim attempts to maintain order, but the Jims of many universes are arguing and yelling. "Sssssoup! Sssssoup! We need sssssoup!" hisses the Snake-Jim. "Yeah! Let's order some soup!" comes the reply from a Jim with a bushy beard. "Okay but what kind of soup?" retorts the Jim Whose Head is on Fire, "That's the important question, gang." "Blood soup, of course! Ah-ah-ah!" replies Count Jim. "Zip it, you floppy Dracula wannabe. Chicken noodle soup is where it's at, daddio." A Jim wearing a leather jacket responds, snapping his fingers for emphasis. "Listen, I don't think I'm supposed to be here. I'm just a paper salesman, I don't even care THAT much about pranks outside of sometimes messing with Dwight. Can I please go home?" The mention of Dwight from a plain-looking Jim causes a raucous mix of boos, hisses, and some subdued muttering. "Yeah, boo Dwight. That guy sure stinks!" responds the Anti-Jim, quietly, trying not to raise suspicions despite the fact that he's best friends with Dwight and actually hates pranks. In fact, all of this discussion of soup has him disgusted - he's more of a salad person himself. "Let everyone order their own soup! That makes the most sense. We can order it from that diner, you know, the one with the pie case in front!" Mutterings of agreement to this idea from Sensible Jim. "From a purely financial standpoint," responds Billionaire Jim, "we should order soup in bulk quantities. Everyone choose one soup. I suggest a nice beef vegetable perhaps?" Jim the Angry Biker jumps up on the table and starts pounding his feet. "gently caress this! Everybody gets their own soup! I don't want no drat vegetables, I want CHILI!" "Chili is not a soup," adds Jim Who Spends All His Time Online, "you are WRONG! Next you'll suggest we have a bowl of spaghetti!" He lets out a weird, high-pitched giggle. "Mmmmm, sghetti," responds Jim Who Got Covid Brain Damage, "can we go in person, get sghetti? No mask! NO MASK!" "Calm down my friend," interjects a Jim wearing 3-D glasses for some reason, "there will be plenty of time for pasta. But tonight, we dine on soup!" Cosmic Jim rubs his temple, a monstrous headache already forming. He could vaporize every other Jim, erase them from existence. He could prank every version of Dwight himself, if needed. He looks around the room. Gooey Jim is trying to suffocate a nude Jim wearing only tennis shoes. Jim the Hamster is gnawing on Wooden Jim, The Flesh Salesman. Robo-Jim is spraying oil on Eric, the Honorary Jim. And Jim the Dragon looks ready to devour half of the room if he doesn't get soup soon. "LISTEN!" comes the nearly eardrum-shattering voice of Cosmic Jim. The room instantly goes silent, each Jim freezes in place. "We will order 3 soups. Chicken noodle. Beef vegetable. And French Onion. You may have one bowl of each if you desire. Any leftovers will be divvied up at the end of the meeting. Now then, does anyone have the minutes from last meeting?" "I do," responds Auditor Jim, "It looks like the last thing we left off with was... oh dear." "What?" "Well, the Jim who likes wearing Big Dog T-Shirts suggested we 'soup up' today's meeting. I do believe we've all been pranked into this soup diversion!" In the back corner, a Jim wearing a Big Dogs T-shirt mugs for the camera. On his shirt, a dog mugs for the camera while the text "My Wife is A Sex Object. I Ask for Sex, She Objects!" sits under him. A Fancy Hat fucked around with this message at 19:22 on Mar 4, 2022 |
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Mar 4, 2022 19:17
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Jim pushes Dwight down the stairwell then throws himself down after him, laughing.
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Mar 4, 2022 20:52
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Kevin fall down
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Mar 4, 2022 21:13
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Jim "soups up" the stairwell in Dunder Mifflin with a waterfall of soup. "Soups on!" smiles Jim as he twists the huge valve and opens the pipe he rerouted from the Scranton Soup Cannery.
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Mar 4, 2022 21:16
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Dwight finishes writing his final chapter in his memoirs. He hesitates for a moment before filling in the "For"dedication. Dwight taps his pen to his chin as he looks outside. High atop Mt. Scranton lies Ravensbeak Asylum for the Criminally Insane. The building stretches into the sky like a corpse's hand reaching from the grave. Crumbling stone spires extend up, each one manned by an armed guard. The building, modelled after a quant Victorian mansion, looks as if pure willpower is holding it together. Shingles are peeling off the roof, the wooden exterior's paint is peeling, and the glass of the windows has all unnaturally yellowed, as if the building is decades older than its true age. Jim (or what’s left of his body) is in that building. As Dwight idly flips through the pages of his manuscript, he gets a sinking sensation as pieces of his life start falling into place. Jim’s final days “souping up” things. The time he repeatedly took advantage of, then destroyed, Dwight’s soup kitchen. The unspeakable death of Kevin by chili. Dwight turns to his pile of free form notes. “Solid suspended in liquid.” He turns and finds an ancient scrap of parchment, written in ancient Sumerian: “You shall know him by his love of…” Dwight cannot translate the word. It has no direct translation, but represents an ancient rite to a dark dead god. Something about…. The glass of wine falls from Dwight’s hand, shattering on the floor. “You shall know him by his love of suspending things in food.” The giant jello mold that disappeared last week. Could Jim still be alive? Funny, thinks Dwight. He hasn’t seen Angela all night. His blood runs cold. Dwight grabs the shotgun as he rushes out the door. There might still be time. poisonpill fucked around with this message at 23:05 on Mar 4, 2022 |
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Mar 4, 2022 23:01
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Jim convinces Dwight to invest in NFT'S.
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Mar 5, 2022 00:56
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Jim starts calling Dwight "balloon boy," eliciting loud cheers and hooting from the audience at his rally. "He's a balloon boy, he's a balloon boy, everyone's talking about it," says Jim, barely audible over the audience cheering its throat raw. Jim mugs for the camera like a smug dog as the cheers wash over him.
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Mar 5, 2022 20:18
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Dwight loudly eats a bag of peanuts at his desk. Jim asks Dwight to eat them at lunchtime. Dwight says the nuts are a snack and he can eat them whenever he wants. Jim challenges Dwight to a "work off" seeing who can stay later and get more work done. Dwight, being the harder worker stays later. When he leaves, he turns to the camera and talks about how easy it is to win at this. While he tries to get into his car, he's attacked and stabbed a dozen times. While he bleeds out in the parking lot, the assailant turns to the camera and takes off his mask. It's Jim. He smirks
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Mar 5, 2022 20:45
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Jim “soups up” Dwight’s stapler. When Dwight depresses the lever arm, a staple ejects down through the stack of papers with relativistic speed. Unfortunately, through sheer dog gone cussed bad luck, this happens on the day Michael decided to try a marketing promotion involving unusual paper materials. Dwight’s paper made on enriched plutonium goes critical, vaporizing the entire office. Jim’s smirk is reduced to its constituent elements and blasted through the plasma that once was a camera.
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Mar 6, 2022 12:56
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Jim convinces Dwight to perform an impromptu karaoke at the office party. After a few glasses of hard beet juice, Dwight begins to perform Guns 'n Roses "Paradise City." At first, he looks awkward and uncomfortable, and the crowd looks unimpressed. Moses makes a "Ruh-roh!" sound and covers his eyes with his paws. But suddenly Dwight starts hitting the high notes and the crowd rocks out. This causes Dwight to become popular, with multiple women trying desperately to have sex with him. But unfortunately, this makes Dwight begin to act arrogantly, which makes Angela (who was starting to fall for Dwight's authentic, geeky self) no longer want to speak to him. "I thought you were different from all those other jerks!" she says, storming off. Watching Dwight's sad expression from the far side of the party, Jim smirks. "I'll get that nerd, if it's the last thing I do!" he says to nobody in particular.
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Mar 6, 2022 18:54
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Jim gets his own series on Disney Plus called The Prankalorian. After it goes for two seasons, Jim offers Dwight his own spin-off series called The Book of Dwight Schrute, focusing on our favorite bespectacled salesman exerting his authority as the Beet Daimao of the Scranton farming community. Dwight is pleased to be able to finally show off his acting chops and endear audiences to his character further. However, The Book of Dwight Schrute ends up becoming a backdoor Season 2.5 for The Prankalorian, as the last third of the season focuses on Jim, with nary a sight of the titular character. Jim mugs for the camera as he jumps to lightspeed in his ship, with Baby Michael riding in the backseat.
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Mar 7, 2022 06:48
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Dwight finds himself selling his soul to a succubus, but he's 100% confirmed that it's not Jim, so at least he feels his eternal torment will be free of that horror and maybe a little erotic. After the ritual, the succubus reveals she's actually in service to a powerful demon called a 'Jimcubus' and he's demanding Dwight's soul as tribute. Sorry. Jimcubus mugs for the scrying pool.
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Mar 7, 2022 07:10
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Jim bounces into the office on a pogo stick. He does an entire lap around the floor, heading to the break room. He grabs a coffee, then bounces back to his desk. Coffee, of course, splashes everywhere as he does so. Jim continues bouncing at his desk, awkwardly trying to log on to his computer each time he's at the bottom of his bounce. "Wait. Wait, I can... I can do this. I can... okay. OKay, I have the timing down now. Hey, Dwight?" Dwight, however, is not at work today. Jim was so focused on his pogo stick that he didn't even notice that Dwight wasn't in. Jim angrily throws his pogo stick through his computer screen, then starts ripping up the carpet while screeching. "ANGELA?!?!? WHERE IS DWIGHT!?!?!" Angela calmly responds that Dwight is getting a cavity filled, and he won't be in to work until after lunch. Jim picks up his damaged pogo stick and tries to bounce out of the office. However, on the first bounce a spring launches out of the stick and embeds itself in Jim's eye. Jim screams in pain and yells out "Goddamn Dwight-spring" before walking out the front door, dragging his pogo stick. In a talking head segment, Angela admits that Dwight is actually taking a half day for a job interview. "Yeah, he found out about the pogo stick thing. Dwight is friends with half of the pogo stick industry, they let him know Jim had something planned."
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Mar 7, 2022 15:39
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Jim picks up lunch orders for the sales team and orders extra pickles for Dwight's sandwich even though Dwight specifically asks for no pickles. When Dwight complains, Jim gaslights him, claiming that Dwight ordered extra pickles. Dwight produces a tape recorder because he's learned from bitter experience to tape all his food orders with Jim. When Dwight plays the tape however, he hears Jim (poorly) imitating Dwight's voice ordering extra pickles. Dwight yanks out the tape in a fury while Jim mugs the camera.
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Mar 7, 2022 15:50
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After the global population crossed 10 billion (in large part due to Dwight inventing a new type of beet-wheat hybrid, ushering in a new agricultural revolution and ending global famine), Earth becomes a "Dungeon World" where each human being gains characteristics similar to a roleplaying game. Thousands of dungeons appear across the planet and a timer appears in each person's vision along with a message: complete a dungeon within 24 hours or die. Fortunately for the Dunder Mifflin staff, a dungeon appears in their parking lot (crushing Andy's Prius, which gets a laugh from everyone), and Dwight, an experienced Dungeons & Dragons player, promises to lead everyone through the dungeon dive safely. Dwight's calm demeanor and expertise reassures the rest of the office staff, and he leads the group into the dungeon, which appears as a dank Medieval-style castle. Soon after entering, Dwight pauses to explain how roleplaying games work, and best practices to survive the dungeon. Midway through his speech Jim bludgeons him to death with a pipe, shouting "backstab! backstab!". In an unrelated incident Michael is eaten by a Mimic.
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Mar 7, 2022 16:18
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Dwight is making the long drive back home from Pittsburgh after a successful sales meeting. He looks outside as the sun is setting, enjoying the beauty of the world. He pulls over to fill up his gas tank and use the rest room, then hits the road again, eager to get home in a few hours. As he drives, he notices the back window is fogging up and fumbles around to turn on the defroster. For a moment, he accidentally turns off his radio instead of turning on the defroster. And that's when he hears it. Heavy breathing coming from the back seat. Dwight keeps driving, terrified of alerting the presence in his back seat. The radio is playing but now Dwight is fully aware of the heavy breathing behind him. In fact, he thinks he can hear it getting slowly closer and closer to his ear, as if whatever is back there is slowly reaching towards him. Dwight quickly glimpses in his rear view mirror but doesn't see anything back there. Dwight realizes he needs to get out of this car without alerting the thing in the back that he knows about it. In one smooth movement, honed by years of karate, Dwight unbuckles his seat belt, takes his foot off the gas, and opens the driver's side door. Tucking and rolling, Dwight hits the highway and rolls to safety as his car drives a few more hundred more feet. Eventually, the driverless car rolls into a ditch with a thud. Dwight stands up and dusts himself off, relatively unharmed except for some scratches and bruises. He knows he'll hurt a bit more in the morning. As he cautiously walks towards the car, he pulls out a throwing star he always keeps just in case. He searches the car but finds nothing at all. Cautiously getting back in, he navigates out of the ditch without too much trouble and hits the road again. There is no more breathing for the rest of the drive home. The next day at work, Jim asks Dwight if he "hates back seat drivers", then mugs for the camera.
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Mar 7, 2022 16:28
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A Fancy Hat posted:Dwight is making the long drive back home from Pittsburgh after a successful sales meeting. He looks outside as the sun is setting, enjoying the beauty of the world. He pulls over to fill up his gas tank and use the rest room, then hits the road again, eager to get home in a few hours. Oof this is a good one.
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Mar 7, 2022 16:37
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The year is 1995. A young Dwight Schrute is finding it frustrating to maintain his façade of respectability among his Pennsylvania Dutch peers, and he seeks out a way to curb his urges to do things frowned upon by the community. Consulting a forbidden tome of Amish science, he eventually develops a draught that might aid him. By combining the juices of a beet grown of the earth, a beet grown in parched and burned ground, a beet grown in the water, and, hardest of all, a beet grown in the air, he has created a draught that might sever his connection to his most base urges, and potentially even free him from the taint of original sin itself. Dwight takes a mighty swig of the concoction, and then, after a heartbeat, immediately keels over and vomits heavily upon the ground. Upon standing, he feels a man reborn, all of his petty irritations, temptations and hatreds gone, and filled with nothing but goodwill and love for his fellow man. However, before he can truly exult in his newfound purity, he notices the black bile he vomitted growing and congealing on the ground. Horrified, Dwight watches as a floppy haired bone-thin apparition slowly forms and develops from the pitch black goo. As Dwight's mind feverously tries to comprehend what this new thing born of Dwight's discarded baser nature truly is, the floppy haired spectre jumps to life, screeches incoherently in hatred, and runs off into the night. Dwight immediately regrets everything and contemplates the future repercussions of letting loose such a being of base evil into the world. The year is 2007 Dwight watches distantly as his car hangs from a cable suspended by a floating Re-Max hot air balloon in the distance. The Jim-thing pats Dwight on the shoulder and lets out a raspy "Nice parking, Balloon boy".
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Mar 7, 2022 16:46
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Jim starts screaming in pain and spraying blood from his hand. Dwight asks what happened and Jim says he accidentally chopped off his finger with the paper cutter. Dwight grabs a handful of paper towels and asks to see the wound so he can apply pressure. He gets a quick glimpse of the wound, and it's bad. It's spraying blood and Dwight realizes the entire finger has been severed. Not a clean cut, either. A ragged piece of bone juts out from the bloody mess. "Oh god, thank you Dwight. Do you see the finger? Do you see my finger?" Dwight starts looking on the floor for the missing digit, asking Kevin to get him a cup of ice in a desperate bid to save Jim's finger. But Dwight can't see it and starts desperately searching for it. Blood has splattered all over the carpet, Jim's desk, and is still spraying wantonly as Jim's heart beats. Dwight realizes with horror that his shirt is covered in blood, too. "Oh wait, here it is!" Jim reveals his undamaged hand and gives Dwight the middle finger. "GOTCHA, BITCH! Ever heard of prosthetics? Ever heard of stage blood?" Jim reveals the fake severed finger prosthetic he had on his hand, throwing it at Dwight's face. It leaves a spot of wet fake blood where it hits and bounces off.
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Mar 7, 2022 17:41
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Jim and Dwight are working quietly at their desks. Seemingly randomly, Jim looks up and asks, "How do ewe like the weather this week? Pretty stormy, huh?" Dwight looks up and is about to answer, but stops himself. He noticed the slight inflection in Jim's voice. Instead, he asks, "Did you ask me how I like the weather? As in, Y-O-U?" Before Jim can answer, Dwight hears a baa sound from behind him, and as he turns around, sees a young lamb wandering around the office. "Do you have something to do with this, Jim? Don't you know that it's a violation of Scranton Municipal Code 45-" "I kid! I kid!" Jim smirks, then looks over toward the supply closet, where a billy goat is currently eating the printer cartridges. Dwight runs over to stop the animal from eating ink, and Jim sidles up beside him. "Wow, Dwight, I really got your goat there, didn't I?" Dwight pens the goat up in the men's bathroom and then turns to Jim. "What did you say about the weather?" Jim doesn't respond, and just looks smugly at Dwight for a few seconds. Dawning comprehension appears on Dwight's face, and he turns and sprints out of the office. Just seconds behind him, but gaining, is a 400 lb lion, bloodthirsty and starving for the flesh of a beet farmer. Jim mugs the camera and says, "Talk about in like a lion, out like a lamb, am I right?"
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Mar 8, 2022 05:44
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A Fancy Hat posted:"Fine! You think my pranks are getting stale? What if I do this?" rofl
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Mar 8, 2022 08:10
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| # ? Jun 3, 2024 23:48 |
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jim informs dwight that he, jim, could eat a peach for hours
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Mar 8, 2022 10:29
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