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We finally had the first stitches for our kids this weekend. Our 3yo son fell down in the basement and landed directly on his chin. The resulting tear was deep enough to need three stitches. He was very brave about it all and got some ice cream afterward. He's very excited to tell his friends at school tomorrow. Not about the stitches, mind you, but about eating ice cream after.
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Mar 20, 2022 17:58
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Anyone have any advice for a parent of a 7 year old with extreme school anxiety? He is developing tics and constantly complaining about being sick whenever even the topic of school comes up. He'll break down crying sometimes when he has to go. He's actually just got a lot of anxiety in general. He's still afraid to wash his hands by himself after he goes to the bathroom (he can handle going to the bathroom, just something about washing his hands makes him feel vulnerable and he wants someone around while he does it), but his school anxiety is REALLY bad and there's nothing in particular we seem able to point to as the cause. The only anxiety he has that's worse right now is needles. It sucks because he absolutely loves learning. He does math workbooks and duolingo in his spare time just for fun! But school itself seems to be tearing him apart and I don't know what to do about it. I'm not an anxious person at all so its been really tough for me to wrap my mind around and it's been impossible to find him an actual therapist and I don't really know what to do at this point.
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Mar 21, 2022 17:16
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They need to see a therapist. The best place to start would be their ped. This is not something you can fix or tackle on your own.
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Mar 21, 2022 17:19
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GlyphGryph posted:Anyone have any advice for a parent of a 7 year old with extreme school anxiety? He is developing tics and constantly complaining about being sick whenever even the topic of school comes up. He'll break down crying sometimes when he has to go. He's actually just got a lot of anxiety in general. He's still afraid to wash his hands by himself after he goes to the bathroom (he can handle going to the bathroom, just something about washing his hands makes him feel vulnerable and he wants someone around while he does it), but his school anxiety is REALLY bad and there's nothing in particular we seem able to point to as the cause. The only anxiety he has that's worse right now is needles. Is he connected with any school based supports? Guidance counselors and school psychologists can be good resources and sometimes hold some smaller groups focused on managing anxiety. Not sure if this is reassuring or not, but this sort of thing (tics in particular) are increasingly common in the school setting since COVID hit. It's not always feasible or appropriate to consider changing schools, but we definitely had to make some school transfer moves to find a more nurturing environment for my sons' mental health. Starting with pediatrician for referrals is definitely a good place to start, but don't be surprised if resources/referrals are very limited and hard to access right now. Good luck.
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Mar 21, 2022 18:15
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Late to flight chat, but we just did our first flight with our 16 month old a few weeks ago. If you plan to use a rear facing car seat make sure you look up how much room there is in the airplane seat, especially front to back, sometimes a car seat just physically will not fit in the seat (especially on budget airlines). The airline will say you can use a rear facing car seat as long as it fits but oh, by the way, no car seat being manufactured actually fits. My recent experience with Spirit was that we booked the big seats at the front of the plane to make sure the car seat would fit, then a couple days before the flight we called Spirit to double check something and the customer service rep informed us that we could not use a car seat OR hold our son in our seats because they had inflatable airbags built into the seatbelts and the car seat wouldn't fit in any of the other seats on the plane. We spent 24 hours freaking out trying to figure out what we were going to do, finally decided to just downgrade our seats to the crappy cramped seats and hold our son the entire flight, but on the call to do that a different customer service rep told us it was fine, those seats didn't have the airbag thing and that the website won't let you book them for a car seat if you can't use them. We went to the airport ready for anything, but the second customer service rep was correct and it was fine. Our son didn't want to stay in his car seat and ended up in my wife's lap for most of the flight, but outside of maybe 5 minutes of crying he was pretty well behaved. We did an evening flight with the hopes that he would sleep but he was wide awake until we got to the hotel 4 hours after his bed time.
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Mar 21, 2022 19:27
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Welp, it finally happened. 9 1/2 years of parenthood for my wife, 7 1/2 years of parenthood for me, and our youngest gets busted in the lip with the saucer swing today so hard it took a chunk out of his lip. Poor buddy was so brave at the ER for his stitches! Got a popsicle out of the deal though!
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Mar 21, 2022 21:21
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Alterian posted:They need to see a therapist. The best place to start would be their ped. This is not something you can fix or tackle on your own. Their ped is aware, and they have a "temporary therapist" through the ped, but she has essentially no availability and no real way to talk to her I've found between sessions and we technically aren't supposed to be using her anymore, we are supposed to have found a real one, we just haven't been able to and his ped hasn't been any use in terms of finding one except to tell us we can't keep using theirs. She also hasn't had any real advice on the anxiety front. Both me and has mom have each struggled for decades to find therapists for even ourselves and neither of us have one right now for the same exact reason, whatever secret sauce people use to locate them and acquire them we've never been able to figure it out. Everybody just tells us "use psychology today!" and then I spend another five hours going down their list calling people and getting told they aren't taking new patients or they don't take insurance and then I'm out of people and its been the same trying to find someone for him and no one seems to have any ideas. If we lived a town over there's a great place that has a service to hook kids up with therapists, but they don't service our area. So a therapist isn't really an option unless someone knows how we're actually supposed to get one. And I'm honestly not sure what they'd even do or how they'd help based on my admittedly limited experience except to tell us we need to change something and leave me right back in the same place I already am? I was hoping for some sort of advice on something I could actually do that might help, or at least a pointer to some kind of resource that might have it. amethystbliss posted:Is he connected with any school based supports? Guidance counselors and school psychologists can be good resources and sometimes hold some smaller groups focused on managing anxiety. Not sure if this is reassuring or not, but this sort of thing (tics in particular) are increasingly common in the school setting since COVID hit. There doesn't seem to be anything like any groups they hold focusing on managing anxiety, we've been in contact with most of them for unrelated IEP stuff but they only really seem to care/be willing to provide resources when it becomes a "disciplinary issue" which they don't consider his anxiety to be right now. Still, I'll look into this option, maybe there's something I missed. And no its not really reassuring.
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Mar 21, 2022 23:30
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For my family we all have primary care doctors through like a statewide system. It's nice because they have a ton of hospitals, clinics, urgent care, regular offices, and specialists. The pediatrician was able to hook us up with a therapist for our son pretty quickly. I was able to get one right away, but that was due to risk, whereas my wife had to wait a few months due to shortages/demand right now. Before, when I was doing it myself I was getting told 6+ month waits, even with my diagnosis. Your pediatrician subs kind of crappy. How have they been otherwise? Maybe you could change pediatricians and they would be able to get you easier access to therapists? I know a lot of therapists are now offering permanent virtual sessions, so in theory you could get a therapist in a different city and just do virtual appointments. Just don't go out of state, because there often can't practice across state lines. Problem is that insurance coverage could be different depending on what you have. I hope this doesn't sound judgmental - the examples you provide really sound like the sort of thing that requires professional help over time and potentially medication (no idea what is even available for kids). I say this as someone who is living it himself (anxiety, depression, alcoholic) and his kid (adhd). My son does have some anxiety/extreme worry issues sometimes. I know there was some discussion a ways back on different books and things like that. You might be able to find it by looking at my posts in the thread. I know I brought up the book "what if pig" and "Wilma Jean worry machine". Both deal sort of with catastrophizing thoughts and assuming the worst and fearing what people might think, say, or do. Those could maybe be a start, or at least give you some type of agency with a tough situation.
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Mar 22, 2022 00:21
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Child, i understand that you have been at fuckface'w house for the last week and a half. I also understand that he has to get you up at no latwe than 5.30a in order to get you to school on time so you are tired. I understand that and your Big Feelings are valid. However when we're in the middle of a loving tornado warning it is not the time for you to throw a temper tantrum when, after you're asked politely to stay away from the windows, I repeat myself firmer and more authoritatively when you ignore me.
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Mar 22, 2022 00:36
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That post went places I wasn't expecting. Good show!
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Mar 22, 2022 02:07
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Douche4Sale posted:Your pediatrician subs kind of crappy. How have they been otherwise? Maybe you could change pediatricians and they would be able to get you easier access to therapists? Much better than the last one, who told she didn't "do" mental health stuff and that it was the schools problem if anything and otherwise passing the buck about any medical issue he had. His current ped has been good about getting him treatments he has needed generally, he's finally on meds for his ADHD which has seemed to help him a lot, and he's much better at actually interacting with the kid, he loves going to the doctor except when he needs to get a shot which he's terrified of - they just don't seem to have the resources to do therapy on anything more than a temporary basis.
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Mar 22, 2022 03:07
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GlyphGryph posted:There doesn't seem to be anything like any groups they hold focusing on managing anxiety, we've been in contact with most of them for unrelated IEP stuff but they only really seem to care/be willing to provide resources when it becomes a "disciplinary issue" which they don't consider his anxiety to be right now. Still, I'll look into this option, maybe there's something I missed. And no its not really reassuring. Re: health insurance, one thing that helped us was to call insurance and demand to be connected to a patient advocate to help locate a provider. They will spend the time calling down the list until they find someone with availability. When we were stuck in a similar situation with no providers who accepted our insurance, the insurance company said they would reimburse us up to a certain amount if we found a licensed provider of our own. So that's what we do now for my sons' two therapists who don't take insurance. We pay out of pocket and then it's reimbursed at like 65%. We have to make manual claims and wait for Aetna to mail us checks every month. It's a bullshit system and still expensive, but that sort of reimbursement isn't always advertised. It's sometimes the best way to get your foot in the door.
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Mar 22, 2022 03:20
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ExcessBLarg! posted:That post went places I wasn't expecting. Good show! We get the feeling that she's only told "no" at our house. She had another freak out earlier because I came into the room and found her doing something dangerous and did a flat/firm "absolutely not, please get down". Cue freak out and her covering her ears as I go "sweetheart, I'm not mad, you're not in trouble, I'm not upset with you." She went "if you say one more thing to me then I'm going to my room!" My response of "that is not nearly as big a threat as you think but maybe you should go there" did not go over well. But after she went into her calm space to shout a bit (we legit converted her closet with comforting lights, fuzzy pillows/toys, fresh wall paper, and books so she has a safe spot) she came out and we hugged it out. Poor thing just gets so worked up and embarrassed when she gets caught doing something she knows she shouldn't do.
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Mar 22, 2022 04:03
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citybeatnik posted:(we legit converted her closet with comforting lights, fuzzy pillows/toys, fresh wall paper, and books so she has a safe spot) This owns.
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Mar 22, 2022 04:57
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GlyphGryph posted:I was hoping for some sort of advice on something I could actually do that might help, or at least a pointer to some kind of resource that might have it. Yale SPACE program. The book is "breaking free of childhood anxiety and OCD", and it's fairly DIY-friendly. The program's all about teaching parents how to parent in a therapeutic manner.
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Mar 22, 2022 05:41
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My son has finally given up the midday nap and I want to die Half the day he's his usual happy self. The second half he's a demon toddler.
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Mar 22, 2022 08:54
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GlyphGryph posted:Both me and has mom have each struggled for decades to find therapists for even ourselves and neither of us have one right now for the same exact reason, whatever secret sauce people use to locate them and acquire them we've never been able to figure it out. Everybody just tells us "use psychology today!" and then I spend another five hours going down their list calling people and getting told they aren't taking new patients or they don't take insurance and then I'm out of people and its been the same trying to find someone for him and no one seems to have any ideas. If we lived a town over there's a great place that has a service to hook kids up with therapists, but they don't service our area. So a therapist isn't really an option unless someone knows how we're actually supposed to get one. And I'm honestly not sure what they'd even do or how they'd help based on my admittedly limited experience except to tell us we need to change something and leave me right back in the same place I already am? I'm so sorry this has been such a struggle. I too have had awful experiences trying to find a therapist just for myself. I lucked out when I was in nursing school, so miserable I wanted to die, and I connected really well with one of the school's therapists who was randomly assigned. Eight years later and I'm still seeing her privately. I have no idea what I would have done if I hadn't found her. This isn't helpful but I just wanted to express empathy. I totally understand about hopelessly scrolling through Psychology Today. I bet all therapists are just inundated these days with the pandemic and general malaise and anxiety of the public. I really hope you're able to find some help for your kid, and for yourself and his mom too.
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Mar 22, 2022 09:45
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abigserve posted:My son has finally given up the midday nap and I want to die If you can, try giving him quiet time eg reading some books in bed. It might help him relax and last better through the day, and gives him an opportunity to sleep when he decides he does need it.
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Mar 22, 2022 10:11
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Engineer Lenk posted:Yale SPACE program. The book is "breaking free of childhood anxiety and OCD", and it's fairly DIY-friendly. The program's all about teaching parents how to parent in a therapeutic manner. Thank you! Even if I do find him a therapist (and I'm redoubling down on that right now) I feel like this would still be useful.
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Mar 22, 2022 12:42
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Someone talk me off the cliff. I can't be the only one with a 9, almost-7, and 4 year old that all directly challenge authority, right? Like..."$no_1, If you do XYZ, I'm gonna have to take away your tablet." "Do it, I don't care. Shut up, jerk!" / "$no_3, please get down, we don't walk on the couch." "*continues running back and forth*" / poo poo like that.
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Mar 22, 2022 13:58
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Having only one child I have to assume that each additional child is a force multiplier for a child's ability to be a poo poo. I got nothing, chief. But take heart, if I look back on childhood pictures with me and my two sisters, the house was always an absolute trash pit. And we did turn out...alright.
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Mar 22, 2022 14:28
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I'm dealing with a defiant almost 7 yo right now. Her go to is pretending not to hear us (she learned this from her besty at school she said). I know she gets her stubbornness from my wife and me. At some point you have to just throw up your hands and let the natural consequences happen barring any major injury or destruction. It'll help you mentally if you practice a little benign neglect. With 9 and 7 they're at the age where you can just set a rule, and not remind them of the consequences. Like, make the rule, maybe post it in their room, and if they break it they lose the tablet with no warning. Also we've used postconflict worksheets that seemed to help them understand the boundaries. We used them when our oldest calmed down, maybe the next day, and we'd talk about how they felt in the moment, and how their actions made us feel, and the concerns and reasons they got in trouble. But in the end, sometimes kids are little shits. They'll always crave independence, and push that line. Take whatever time you can and take care of yourself. killer crane fucked around with this message at 17:36 on Mar 22, 2022 |
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Mar 22, 2022 14:33
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D34THROW posted:Someone talk me off the cliff. My almost 6yo daughter is for sure in that stage. She knows she shouldn't do stuff, tends to only do the dangerous/stupid stuff when we're not watching, and gets upset when she's caught/reminded. "I KNOW NOT TO DO IT STOP TELLING ME WHAT I KNOW!" "If you know then why do you do it?" "*death metal guttural noises*" Letting her suffer the consequences of planking between the two living room chairs is something we can't really afford to let happen because horsehumper's claimed that bruises on her shins from soccer was proof we were abusing her. It wasn't a legit claim but it did let his attorney turn some of the worrying crap she's told us into "he said she said". Time-outs/cool downs are... draining. At least the ClassDojo app lets us keep track of both her good actions and stuff she needs to work on so we can go over it with her later.
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Mar 22, 2022 15:02
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Plane Trip Report Things went super easy. No screaming, no problems with pressure changes. He actually went to sleep as soon as we took off on the first leg, and on the second leg he was frustrating but handleable, he just needed to have his distractions rotated every five minutes. The biggest help was borrowing a Cosco Scenera car seat. 10lbs and 16” wide, it was easy to carry and install. I’m going to shill for this car seat so hard they should pay me.
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Mar 22, 2022 17:46
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Today was my first day flying properly solo on my half of parental leave (wife took first 6mo I'm taking the next 6mo). Training wheels were on (wife was only gone about 6 hours) but goddamn I did not realize how tiring entertaining a 6 month old all day was going to be.
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Mar 22, 2022 21:50
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I feel like this thread used to regularly turn into potty training chat every two or three weeks but it seems like it's been a while so I'll just ask for a refresher on what the popular goon methods are. Our pediatrician had said to wait until 3 because boys tend to learn later, and I had him using the potty now and then before 2.5 but once the weather is warm enough soon (just so he can run around naked if he needs to because isn't that one of the methods?) I'd like to try in earnest since he turns 3 early May. I'm with him all day every day so if I have to shadow him naked staring at his dong for the moment pee starts I can do that, although I hope that's not necessary.
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Mar 22, 2022 23:36
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ChickenWing posted:Today was my first day flying properly solo on my half of parental leave (wife took first 6mo I'm taking the next 6mo). Training wheels were on (wife was only gone about 6 hours) but goddamn I did not realize how tiring entertaining a 6 month old all day was going to be. Don't underestimate the value of unstructured floor time with some toys. Something dangly and jangly is always a winner with our 6 month old. It's still tiring to watch her all day for sure, but it gives me time where she's basically entertaining herself and I'm just there. Also we gave her a bit of the hummus from my husband's plate tonight and I've never seen her so excited for a non bottle based food. Afterwards she would open her mouth for the spoon without me having to coax her, but she was always disappointed when it wasn't more hummus.
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Mar 23, 2022 00:48
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I miss the days of having two 6 month olds at home vs two 2 year olds. That 6 month to 15 month window was so much easier than now.
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Mar 23, 2022 02:13
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Lobsterpillar posted:If you can, try giving him quiet time eg reading some books in bed. It might help him relax and last better through the day, and gives him an opportunity to sleep when he decides he does need it. That's basically exactly what we're doing! He prefers to lie in bed and talk to himself but I'll take it. The upside is he's getting up later now in the morning, so it's not all bad!
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Mar 23, 2022 03:52
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Emily Spinach posted:Don't underestimate the value of unstructured floor time with some toys. Something dangly and jangly is always a winner with our 6 month old. It's still tiring to watch her all day for sure, but it gives me time where she's basically entertaining herself and I'm just there. Oh yeah, our toddler also loves hummus. Mini pitas stuffed with hummus and za'atar are a huge hit with her. I try to serve her hummus as a dip sometimes but then she just scoops up the hummus and eats it out of her hand. Kids do what we adults are too polite to do.
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Mar 23, 2022 04:12
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Mind_Taker posted:I miss the days of having two 6 month olds at home vs two 2 year olds. That 6 month to 15 month window was so much easier than now. Oh my god tell me about it. If my kids could stay 6-12 months old forever, but also sleep through the night, that would be perfect. Babies are tiring, but 2-3 year olds are exhausting. Also when babies are having trouble going to sleep, it’s because they are a baby. When a little kid isn’t going to sleep, it’s a battle of willpower. Tonight it took the baby 45 minutes and 5 set-down-in-the-crib-and-stay-sleeping attempts to be asleep. It took 3 hours, 2 potty trips, 4 stories, endless humming of Twinkle Twinkle, and finally sitting for an hour without interacting while she talked on and on and on. She finally fell sleep chanting “Bob Ross… Bob Ross…” Have to be up in 6.5 hours for work/daycare.
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Mar 23, 2022 04:15
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Koivunen posted:She finally fell sleep chanting “Bob Ross… Bob Ross…” Story?
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Mar 23, 2022 04:24
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davebo posted:I feel like this thread used to regularly turn into potty training chat every two or three weeks but it seems like it's been a while so I'll just ask for a refresher on what the popular goon methods are. Our pediatrician had said to wait until 3 because boys tend to learn later, and I had him using the potty now and then before 2.5 but once the weather is warm enough soon (just so he can run around naked if he needs to because isn't that one of the methods?) I'd like to try in earnest since he turns 3 early May. I'm with him all day every day so if I have to shadow him naked staring at his dong for the moment pee starts I can do that, although I hope that's not necessary. We started putting our daughter into undies at 2 years, and then went into a cycle of explaining to her that she shouldn’t pee anywhere than in the bathroom, cleaning up the puddles and waiting for success. Nothing much seemed to take for two weeks or so, so we staged an intervention weekend, where we watched her like hawks, made sure she drank plenty, asked her every few minutes if she needed to go to the toilet, brought her to the toilet every hour, ran her to the bathroom if an accident happened, and reinforced progress with a sweet (think a gummy bear) and stickers - a sweet for going to the toilet willingly, a sticker if anything made it into the toilet). She’s 2.2 now, and about 70% day trained. Accidents happen if she’s too engaged with an activity, and we still make sure to ask her if she wants to go / make sure she goes at least every 1.5 hrs or so. Occasionally, she does a power pose if she has to go, comes to us, or goes by herself. Sweets and stickers still apply. Overall, I’m happy with the progress. There’s also a ton of stuff going on, from a recent newborn that mixes things up, to regular trips where we put pull-ups on her.
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Mar 23, 2022 11:58
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Mind_Taker posted:I miss the days of having two 6 month olds at home vs two 2 year olds. That 6 month to 15 month window was so much easier than now. Give it a couple more years and it gets way easier. Our twins turn five in about a month and things are so much easier it’s not even funny. Potty trained! Can dress themselves! Can brush their own teeth! Scrub themselves in the bath! Put their plates away from meals without being asked! We’re in a sweet spot right now of them being significantly more capable in every day life and starting to push those responsibilities down to them. Parenting has been twice as hard for a while, it’s time for things to get easier. Mommy and Daddy aren’t gonna get you dressed forever. devmd01 fucked around with this message at 12:26 on Mar 23, 2022 |
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Mar 23, 2022 12:21
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Xand_Man posted:Story? The child knows what the Second Coming looks lile 
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Mar 23, 2022 12:21
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Xand_Man posted:Story? Not much of a story. She’s got an incredible memory and will talk about things that happened a really long time ago. I think her dad watched some Bob Ross with her at some point.
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Mar 23, 2022 18:37
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I suddenly realized yesterday when my 14 month old was throwing a tantrum (this is new) that I have no idea how to parent. I’ve read that tantrums are a method of testing boundaries, but what is the best way to react to these outbursts? My parents would have just smacked the poo poo out of me and obviously I’m not going to do that. I’ve been reading up on “respectful parenting” but it is hard to reason with a small being that can’t talk yet and just wants to wail and flail around.
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Mar 23, 2022 19:45
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Daughter is almost two and I'm not sure we've had nuclear level meltdowns but I usually just ignore her if she's being unreasonable (no we can't eat goldfish crackers for breakfast) and try to get an alternative thought in there, either a replacement or a distraction. This morning I used both - distraction (come sit with daddy while we eat breakfast) and a replacement (Cheerios). Probably a terrible example. We also don't go out much so I'm not sure what I'd do in public. Imo you can't really give in because it will reinforce the behavior.
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Mar 23, 2022 19:52
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External Organs posted:(no we can't eat goldfish crackers for breakfast) Been there. Done that. Sometimes it's not worth the battle. 
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Mar 23, 2022 19:55
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D34THROW posted:Been there. Done that. Sometimes it's not worth the battle. 
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Mar 23, 2022 19:55
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