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Dwight comes to work early but Jim went around to everyone else's house the night before and moved their clocks an hour ahead so they all arrive at the office early. Dwight gets written up for being late. Jim mugs at the camera with visible bags under his eyes.
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Apr 24, 2022 02:52
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| # ? Jun 4, 2024 09:53 |
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Dwight uses the Halpert Effect to draw Jim out of the imaginary domain fully into the real world, allowing his attacks to deal damage to Jim.
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Apr 24, 2022 02:59
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Jim won't stop referring to rimjobs as Jimjobs
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Apr 24, 2022 03:14
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Dwighter-Man goes to Dr. Scott to cast a spell to make J. Jimmy Jimeson forget all about him. He figures he can end the pranking if Jimeson has no recollection of ever pranking him to start with. J. Jimmy Jimeson will not stand for this and interferes with the spell, causing The Green Gobjim, Dr. Pranktopus, Epranktro, The Sandjim, to spill into their reality. Eventually, Jimeson's continued pranking causes Vejim, Mugbius, Hobgobjim, Goldenface, Jimzard, Kingjim, The Mugger, The Beesley Cat, and a host of lesser Jims to arrive in Scranton.
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Apr 24, 2022 07:15
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Jim comes to work with his pants stuffed to overflowing with apples. Apples tumble out of his pantlegs and roll across the floor. Meredith steps on one and turns her ankle. "Jim, these apples are becoming a distraction," complains Dwight. "So you're saying apples should be banned from the workplace?" asks Jim, smirkfully. Dwight regrets ever coming to work with his iPod.
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Apr 25, 2022 01:11
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Dwight tells Jim that he should stop trying to “sell so many reams of ‘clown paper,’ whatever that is supposed to be, and focus on the bottom line.” Every day for the next year, Jim comes to work with a large dayglo yellow stripe sown across his rear end.
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Apr 25, 2022 02:52
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The circus is in town and Jim makes a huge sale of clown paper to Ringling Bros. The sale easily makes up for all Jim's missed quotas and costly prank-related damage to the office. "Well Jim, I was going to fire you this afternoon, but instead, I'm declaring you to be Employee of the Month!" declares an ecstatic Michael Scott. "Please accept this plaque, and three days paid vacation, courtesy of Dunder Mifflin." Everyone in the office applauds, except Dwight. Jim mugs for the news team that has arrived to interview him for the local news.
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Apr 25, 2022 03:02
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Jim starts his own pizza place, Famous Original Jim's, that quickly gains a reputation as the worst pizza place in Scranton, possibly in all of Pennsylvania. "What can I say? I just love anchovies!" declares Jim, taking a huge bite of an anchovy pizza with anchovy sauce and anchovy cheese on anchovy bread. As Jim's desk neighbor, Dwight has to endure Jim's fishy breath every single goddamn day. Jim smirks, causing his blood pressure to spike alarmingly.
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Apr 25, 2022 03:06
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What even is Jim anymore? I watch reruns of the Office and I no longer recognize him. Thread Jim is more real to me now.
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Apr 25, 2022 04:20
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Pathetic Jim, Cosmic Jim, Mad Science Jim, Chips, Little Champion, Drunk Pam, Piss Pig Kevin and every other character come in with everything for a HUGE party BRING IT ON IN, GUYS!
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Apr 25, 2022 06:16
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little jimpion swoops from the skies, slamming into dwight at high speed and latching onto him, dwight, with his, little jimpion's, talons
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Apr 25, 2022 10:04
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*watching the Office* “Hey, where’s Tiny Jim? Did they write him out in the later seasons? Who’s this guy living on Dwight’s farm, and where did his dog go? Why does Pam look so happy, did Jim start drugging her wine again?” *cringing* “I can’t look, Dwight’s about to walk through the land mine field in the annex. I hate these blood and guts parts.”
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Apr 25, 2022 11:20
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dwight is pelted with feces by the office jimpanzee, Jips
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Apr 25, 2022 11:43
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Every time Dwight turns around to check over his shoulder, Jim’s ream of clown paper has moved imperceptibly closer.
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Apr 25, 2022 12:26
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65 million years ago, a lone Triceratops fells a tree, then uses it as a simple tool to begin tilling the soil. It scoops up a mouthful of ancient beet-like seeds, drops them in the soil, then pours rain water it collected in a basket of woven leaves. Agriculture is discovered. As the Triceratops tends to the first farmland in Earth's history, a floppy looking T-rex appears. He lets out a shrill roar, which the Triceratops meets with his own annoyed growl. The T-rex then points its weak hands upward, motioning towards the sky. A massive fireball has begun to grow at an alarming rate. The T-rex mugs as an asteroid the size of Texas smashes into the Earth, the Triceratops and his garden located directly at the point of impact. Today, Michael has brought the staff of Dunder Mifflin to the Scranton Museum of Natural History. Jim stares at a T-Rex fossil and swears, for a moment, that the ancient beast stares back at him through its eyeless skull. "Jeez, talk about boning up on your history!" Jim mugs for the camera.
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Apr 25, 2022 12:27
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seeking a break from the mugging of his wife Jangela, Dwight is tailed around the farm by his faithful hound, Jose the dog mugs the camera, and also offers to send prolapse pictures to anyone who asks
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Apr 25, 2022 12:43
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Dwight (during one of his authorized breaks, while also multitasking on some emails) skims the science news section of the New York Times. Reading a little more than he already knew about the Highs-Boson particle, he murmurs to himself a quote from wrote Thomas Henry Huxley, "The great tragedy of Science is the slaying of a beautiful hypothesis by an ugly fact.". Jim abuses his position as assistant dog catcher of Scranton to slash the science education budget of all district public schools, claiming that “dinosaurs turn kids gay”. He also, several days later and having forgotten he already pranked Dwight for his casual statement, murders Dwight and spits “take that, you beautiful hypothesis,” then mugs the camera like an ugly fact.
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Apr 25, 2022 12:58
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Dwight is frustrated when he prints a large document and realizes too late that Jim has loaded the tray with clown paper. Again. "Dammit, Jim!" snaps Dwight. "Now I've wasted twenty pages worth of ink!" Jim isn't even at work that morning. Dwight realizes he's talking to a scarecrow in a floppy wig. The camera zooms in on the scarecrow's crudely drawn smirk.
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Apr 25, 2022 13:11
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Seeking to "soup up" his investment portfolio, Jim purchases Souplantation and opens his first restaurant across the street from the office. Business is slow and a frustrated Jim falls to his knees, curses God, and asks why he's never allowed to succeed. Dwight suggests that having the word "plantation" in your restaurant might bring unwanted racial connotations, alienating a large portion of your customers. Jim stares at him, mindlessly, then starts pounding his fists on the ground and crying. Feeling bad for his coworker, Dwight decides to grab dinner at Souplantation. Jim eagerly waits on his table. "Hey there, Dwight! Can I interest you in the all you can eat soup?" Dwight says he'd love that, prompting Jim to rush off, unravel a fire hose from the wall, and return to Dwight's table. "SOUP'S ON, BITCH!" Jim turns on the hose, spraying piping hot minestrone at Dwight. The pressure of the hose launches Dwight out of the front door, washing him into the street. Dwight stands up, gets into his car, and drives away silently. "poo poo, should have asked him to pay first. Oh well." Jim mugs for the camera then sticks the firehose in his mouth, turns it on, and blows his head off with a full force blast of soup. The next day, Jim shows up to work like nothing happened.
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Apr 25, 2022 13:18
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Applewhite posted:Dwight is frustrated when he prints a large document and realizes too late that Jim has loaded the tray with clown paper. Again. Absolute legend. This one is an all time great. Has me laughing like a mad man in public.
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Apr 25, 2022 13:23
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The secret is that "clown paper" is hilarious in any context.
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Apr 25, 2022 13:41
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Apr 25, 2022 13:57
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Jim announces that he is replacing clown paper with "new clown paper" The citizens of Scranton hate the new formula. Dwight's Trans Am is torched when the protest outside Dunder Mifflin turns violent. Jim mugs the camera as he announces the return of the original clown paper, under the name clown paper classic. Sales of clown paper skyrocket, surpassing even the height of sales before the formula change.
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Apr 25, 2022 14:08
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Jim introduces clown paper zero. This is a seemingly normal pack of A4 printer paper that turns out to be completely filled with confetti.
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Apr 25, 2022 14:39
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Michael asks Dwight to head down into the warehouse to "help those guys palletize some more clown paper", as the item has quickly become the fastest selling product offered by Dunder Mifflin. As Dwight heads down the staircase to the warehouse, he hears faint calliope music drifting upwards and catches a whiff of buttered popcorn and cotton candy. Reaching the warehouse, Dwight finds it completely deserted, but the calliope music is now almost painfully loud. The popcorn and cotton candy scent is almost sickeningly sweet and Dwight realizes that it's covering up the faint smell of animal droppings and hay. Dwight walks into the warehouse, hoping to find someone to point him in the direction of the palletizer. "Well, hey there little buddy! Run away to join the circus, huh?" A clown, short and stocky, steps out of the shadows towards Dwight. His yellow hair stands straight up as if an electric current has passed directly through him. The paint on his face appears to have been frantically put on, as its patchy and running in places. "This is a realllll unique circus, though! Ever since we started shipping out that clown paper, funny stuff seems to pop up everywhere!" As if on cue, a plastic daisy rises from the floor of the warehouse between Dwight and the clown. The daisy opens up and Dwight recoils when he sees the center of the daisy is a human face. The face winks at Dwight, then blows a raspberry at him. Spittle lands on Dwight's shirt and he can smell the rotten odor of decaying teeth. Disturbed, Dwight asks where the palletizer is so he can help them ship out some clown paper. The clown does a merry jig, then points with one oversized foot towards a hallway lit by flashing neon lights. Dwight thanks the clown and heads down the hallway. The hall seems to stretch on longer than it should, and as Dwight goes deeper and deeper he finds various funhouse mirrors attached to the walls. Dwight seems himself stretched, flattened, and distorted in a hundred different ways as he glances at the mirrors. He finally reaches the end of the hallway and sees what looks like an entire circus tent. Weird, thinks Dwight, corporate was usual pretty strict about changing the warehouse layout. Oh well. Dwight spies the reams of clown paper in the middle of the tent and marches over, eager to finally complete this task and get back to work. As he approaches, he hears a whip crack next to him. Turning around he sees Jim, nude except for a loin cloth, holding a whip and wooden chair. "Laaaaaadies and gentlemen! Today we have the deadliest beast known to the world! He is man, ladies and gentlemen, man himself truly is the deadliest predator this hellish Earth has ever seen fit to produce!" Jim cracks the whip again and again, getting closer and closer to Dwight. Dwight slowly starts stacking paper on the pallet, constantly distracted by Jim's ranting and whipping. "Folks, you have never seen a creature as terrifying as homo sapien! This is an animal which destroys everything in its path, be it flora or fauna! Why, this creature alters the very planet itself to fit its needs, wiping out whole species in the blink of an eye!" When Dwight reminds Jim of the fact that Dwight personally helped outlaw fossil fuels in Pennsylvania and convert the entire state to wind and solar power, Jim angrily cracks the whip and menaces Dwight with the wooden chair. "Now then, folks. Let me turn on the house lights, so that this mighty beast might see exactly who he's performing for today. Stagehand, would you do me a favor and turn on those lights so we can see the happy grins of the crowd?" Dwight asks Jim if the crowd is going to be skeletons, and an obviously flustered Jim mutters "n-no" before the lights reveal that the tent's audience is, indeed, human skeletons. Dwight finishes his job, hops in a nearby forklift, and loads up a delivery van with the clown paper. Jim keeps cracking the whip but is very obviously no longer as interested. At one point Dwight sees him checking his cell phone while half-heartedly whipping the forklift. Dwight heads back upstairs. At one point, a panting Jim rushes past him, trying to change back into his office clothes. When Dwight reaches his desk, a sweating and panting Jim is already sitting down, acting calm. "Heh... heh.... talk.... hold on, gotta.... gotta catch my breath," says a red-faced Jim, "gotta... talk about... talk... hold on." Jim chugs a bottle of water while holding his pointer finger up. "Talk about a real clown show, huh, Dwight?" Jim mugs for the camera.
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Apr 25, 2022 15:04
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Elon Musk promises to introduce a new product "even better than clown paper" and attacks Dwight on Twitter as a "disgusting balloonosexual pedophile." Dwight now has to cope with mobs of Musk fans throwing tomatoes at him and making threatening calls to his house. He doesn't know what made him the target of Musk's ire but he knows Jim is responsible.
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Apr 25, 2022 15:12
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Applewhite posted:Elon Musk promises to introduce a new product "even better than clown paper" and attacks Dwight on Twitter as a "disgusting balloonosexual pedophile." Furious over a tweet from Dwight suggesting that billionaires should be taxed slightly more, Elon Musk purchases Dunder Mifflin, vowing to transform it into a free speech utopia. Dwight arrives at work the next day to find Jim in blackface and wearing a Bush Did 9-11 tshirt, smirking.
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Apr 25, 2022 15:17
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Seeking to "soup up" his investment portfolio, Jim dynamites a soup factory. Dwight's farm is drowned under a deluge of soup. Jim's investments in a rival beet farm skyrocket. Dwight appears on breakroom cam completely soaked in soup. He stares sullenly at the camera for eight unbroken seconds. The only sound is that of soup dripping off Dwight's clothes.
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Apr 25, 2022 15:19
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Jim begins delivering rambling speeches across the country (funded by the “ClownPaper Guy”, a former drug addict who now sells clown paper by advertising exclusively on extremist media), where he rails for hours against any and all perceived slights. “And that Balloon Boy! Boy, we really hate him, don’t we, folks? Dwight. Dwight. What kind of a name is that? But you won’t hear the fake news call him Balloon Boy. Never heard that, they love him. All because he shut down coal mining with his dumb beets. Hate the beets. You want to turn on the TV, and you can’t, because the power plant has run out of beets. Pam says ‘Oh honey, stop pranking and turn on Jim Halpert!’ But you can’t, because of this terrible beet shortage. It’s awful, isn’t it? The only thing that can make you feel better is a ream of high quality clown paper.” The audience bursts into unrestrained uproarious applause at the mention of clown paper. Jim wipes sweat from his brow and does a little dance, simulating a balloon boy buying clown paper.
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Apr 25, 2022 15:23
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Jim suggests that they move all of Dunder Mifflin underground, incorrectly stating that they'd be "immune from weather" underground. When Dwight tries to explain how foolish this is, Jim theatrically yawns and asks if anyone else is "as bored of this guy as I am." Dunder Mifflin spends billions of dollars to move all of their locations underground, much to the joy of Jim, who receives a $500 bonus for his "great idea". The first time Scranton receives significant rainfall, the office begins to flood. Dwight asks Jim if he planned for this. 'A DOY! Of course I did!" Jim lifts his legs up, revealing that he is wearing a pair of twill capris pants. "My pants are still perfectly dry!" Jim mugs for the camera.
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Apr 25, 2022 15:27
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Jim announces Dunder Mifflin's new project: "The Paperloop." An underground tunnel that Jim promises will supply "1000% of Scranton's stationery requirements at lightning speed." Dunder Mifflin's stock skyrockets and investors line up to pour money into the project despite the fact that Dunder Mifflin had no intention of such a project and Jim was not authorized to make the announcement. In a panic, Dunder Mifflin corporate appoints Dwight (DM's most reliable employee) head of the Paperloop project. When Dwight asks Jim what the Paperloop is and how how it's supposed to work, Jim farts loudly and says "talk about vaporware, amirite?"
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Apr 25, 2022 16:05
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Jim announces that Dunder Mifflin will “within the next year, depending on the regulatory”, go “carbon Shrut-ual, or whatever you people call it, the thing with the dying planet,” by delivering all reams of clown paper in electric vehicles. Despite the fact that this claim is completely unfounded, it permits Jim to begin selling carbon credits to highly polluting industries (re-opening Pennsylvania as the fossil fuel capitol of the world in the process). Dwight is tasked with delivering all paper using a barely functional “cyber truck,” which is a name Jim invented while googling internet pranks one night. The explosive media attention means Dwight is forced to stack the clown paper too tightly together on the back of the truck’s tiny canopy, scraping the batteries on the ground and lighting the entire truck on fire. As Dwight recovers from the duck and roll maneuver he used to escape the rolling inferno, Jim sidles up and says, “Jeez, what a clown car.” “Don’t say it, Jim,” says Dwight emotionlessly, while still patting out small fires on his suit. “Talk about a clown show!”
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Apr 25, 2022 16:22
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#ReleaseTheSethGreenCut begins trending on twitter for days. A curious Dwight researches this, discovering that it's referring to the first cut of "Mars Needs Moms" in which Seth Green voiced the child character. Shocked by the seeming millions of people supporting this release, Dwight begins looking at the accounts that started the trend. @NotAJimBot380823043 @USACitizenNormalPerson10283092 @JAMES208304184098132 Every day, on the hour, these accounts tweet out posts about Mars Needs Moms. The next day at work, Dwight asks Jim if he has anything to do with this. "No, I'm actually pretty grossed out by the Seth Green Mars Needs Moms fanboys on twitter. Those are some REAL freaks, let me tell ya." Dwight is left extremely disturbed by this revelation.
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Apr 25, 2022 16:32
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Seeking to "soup up" his investment portfolio, Jim purchases Tim Horton’s and renames the chain Famous Original Jim Horton’s, that quickly gains a reputation as the worst coffee place in Scranton, possibly in all of Pennsylvania. He begins by slashing the budget for food and drink ingredient quality, eventually reducing all menu items to one big disgusting “soup” made by boiling all of the leftover food products together in a single giant pot. He calls it “Jimbo,” which he pronounces like “gumbo”, so nobody gets the pun. As the business collapses around him, Jim continues to slash spending on quality control, staff (through illegal mass layoffs), and basic maintenance. This falsely inflates the profits to expenses ratio of Famous Original Jim Horton’s far in excess of competitive companies and leads to a bidding war on the company among hedge funds, with Jim being labeled a financial genius. He publishes a book, Compound Jimtrest,about his daring executive strategy.
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Apr 25, 2022 18:19
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It's time for the annual office nature walk. Dwight, an experienced outdoorsman, volunteers to be the guide and safety officer. During the walk, Jim plucks several red berries from bushes growing along the trail and eats them. Within minutes, Jim is sweating profusely and vomiting. Dwight is held responsible as he was the safety officer. Jim mugs the camera with tear-filled eyes laced with burst blood vessels.
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Apr 25, 2022 19:53
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Mr. Schrute, England's foremost magician, makes a pact with the Floppy Haired Man, a wicked fairy king, to resurrect Meredith from the dead. In exchange, the Floppy Haired man accepts half Meredith's remaining lifespan as payment. The Floppy Haired Man fails to disclose that he intends to take the nighttime half. Meredith is doomed to a life of sleepless torment. The Floppy Haired Man mugs for the image in the silver basin.
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Apr 25, 2022 19:56
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Jim eats Dwight like a peach
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Apr 25, 2022 20:03
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Having consumed Dwight except for Dwight’s inner hard pit, Jim sets his sights on Andy
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Apr 25, 2022 20:05
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During an otherwise normal day, the FBI raid the Dunder Mifflin office and arrest Andy Bernard. The arresting officers reveal that Andy is a serial killer who has murdered dozens of women, leaving their bodies at rest stops up and down the East Coast. The characteristic bite marks found on his victims leads the media to dub him as the Dog of Scranton. After Andy is led away the camera zooms in on Jim, expecting to capture his telltale grin at a successful prank, but he is as stunned and horrified as everyone else. Noticing that he’s become the center of attention, Jim mutters “what? Sometimes other stuff happens here too!”
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Apr 25, 2022 20:09
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| # ? Jun 4, 2024 09:53 |
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Jim attempts to remove his own face, replacing it with Dwight's surgically removed face. Unfortunately, Jim's poor planning and lack of surgical skills cause him to remove his own face first, then pass out from blood loss. Dwight, strapped to an operating table, begins calling for help as a pool of Jim's blood slowly forms on the floor. Jim's face mugs for the camera.
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Apr 25, 2022 20:34
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