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Jim's head turns into a Lion that leaps off of his shoulders, smashing through Dwight and shattering his Chi essence across seventeen dimensions. The aspect of Dwight that was his insecurities spiral into the fractal universe from which the wave/particle duality of light comes from. Sublimating the distilled consciousness across the crucible of reality, Jim (in an astral form as a spider) weaves Dwight's face together with a single thread of light cut from the new Dwight. All of this happens in an instant, and Dwight doesn't notice (but now the being that is Dwight is slightly less embarrassed when public speaking). Jim and his relation to the camera are too complex to express in words.
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May 9, 2022 19:03
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Serge Painsbourg posted:Jim overthrows Michael as Regional Manager and instates himself as the true Regional Manager. He, Jim, divides Dunder Mifflin into 43 sections and vows to destroy one per year on the anniversary of his coronation. Creed attempts to seal Jim inside an enchanted rice cooker, but is unable to successfully execute the technique and passes away from exertion. "Jeez," says an exhausted and obviously shaken Jim, "talk about.... more like... more like Creedence Clearwater NON-Revival. Eh...." Jim waves his hand, as if dismissing his own comment.
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May 9, 2022 19:22
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Phyllis finally has enough of Jim's pranks and decides to do something about it. One morning, Jim is standing behind Dwight, pretending to control him like a puppet by holding a marionette cross-bar above his head. Jim keeps bumping into the back of Phyllis' chair during his antics, infuriating her for the last time. She stands up and grabs Jim by the back of his shoulders, slamming him forehead first into the corner of Dwight's file cabinet. Jim's floppy hair, however, is too dense and his head ricochets off the cabinet with such force that the recoil sends Phyllis flying backwards, crashing into her own computer desk. Jim is completely unphased, and he continues to wiggle the cross bar above Dwight's head. Dwight rushes to Phyllis' side to make sure she's okay, and Jim follows gleefully, still pretending to puppeteer Dwight's every action. Phyllis is unresponsive and bleeding out of her head. Dwight screams for help and tells Pam to call 9-1-1 as he starts performing CPR. "Dance, balloon boy, dance!" Jim giggles as he mugs the camera.
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May 9, 2022 19:35
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Jim douses himself in gasoline and ignites it, killing himself in an excruciatingly painful way. He does this while sitting in a dumpster downtown, which makes cleaning up his body incredibly easy (this was completely coincidental and wasn’t Jim’s intention, it was just part of another unrelated prank). Jim’s final thoughts are that this is a great prank on Dwight. Dwight has been working for Office Depot for six years by this point, and hasn’t thought about Jim in years.
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May 9, 2022 19:39
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Jim overheard Dwight secretly muttering how much he hates him. Jim, furious at this, swears that he will make Dwight love him, one way or another... In the middle of the night, Jim secretly rips up a portion of Dwight's beets from the ground and replaces them with another plant. Several years later, Old Dwight begins ripping the fully grown plants from the ground, wondering how agave managed to take root in his beet soil. An aged Jim watches through a pair of binoculars from his wheelchair on the edge of Schrute Farms, then mugs to the camera.
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May 9, 2022 22:08
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Several years after Pam helped Jim steal the Joking Fleece, they are happily married with two kids, Cecelia and Phillip. However, Jim has become bored of Pam, and as a prank, one day tells her it's over and that he's living with his new wife, Karren. Pam is heartbroken and takes vengeance by slaying Karren, then abducting her children and fleeing to Canada. During the chase, in order to buy herself more time to escape, Pam kills Cecelia and leaves her dismembered body to be collected by the pursuers. She soon does the same to Phillip and escapes. Dwight, who has been helping Jim chase his fleeing ex-wife, puts a hand on his (Jim's) shoulder and asks how he's feeling. Jim is still for a moment, then reaches into his joke bag and pulls out an old lady wig. He puts it on, then turns and faces Dwight with a rictus smile. With tears in his eyes and forced jauntiness, Jim says, "Well, I guess you could say that Medea WON'T be having a Family Reunion this year!"
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May 9, 2022 23:48
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After buying Dunder Mifflin Elon forces the staff to attend a six hour long meeting where he reads off funny tweets. Half way through Dwight walks out and returns to doing his job. Angry, Elon calls Dwight a “pedo guy” and waits to receive the attention he desperately craves. Unfortunately for Elon years of Jims pranks have inured the rest of the staff to minor attention seeking gambits.
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May 10, 2022 02:06
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Upgrade posted:After buying Dunder Mifflin Elon forces the staff to attend a six hour long meeting where he reads off funny tweets. Half way through Dwight walks out and returns to doing his job. Angry, Elon calls Dwight a “pedo guy” and waits to receive the attention he desperately craves. Unfortunately for Elon years of Jims pranks have inured the rest of the staff to minor attention seeking gambits. (It goes without saying that Elon Musk is dressed as Waluigi throughout the scene)
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May 10, 2022 02:10
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Ever since Elon acquired Dunder Mifflin and made Jim his “Chief Brainkster”, Tesla’s AI has been improving through leaps and bounds. The rest of the industry is left in the dust as full self driving quickly becomes a reality. Tesla’s Artificial Intelligence division soon makes self driving cars, dancing robots, and true “thinking machines” that revolutionize the world. Elon, who doesn’t care about wealth, sells these machines only to the most reputable warlords. Dwight is confounded and desperate to know the secret. When Elon is asked how his machines are so intelligent, he (Elon) smiles enigmatically and taps his Waluigi cap suggestively, “I guess you could say there’s a little Jim in each computer,” he says with a smile. Dwight breaks into the “GigaClown Factory”, the factory where all the thinking machines are made. Inside, Dwight finds a giant Jim, a bloated and swollen thorax where his legs should be. He has been transformed into some kind of giant queen, giving birth to endless rows of Tiny Jims. Queen Jim explains that he’s been enslaved and forced to pump out Tiny Jims, one of which is shoved into each car, robot, or other device. Every one of them lives a life of pain and torment as they are forced to act as though the car were truly driving itself. “It’s the best prank of all,” he explains, “because one day, there’ll be a Tiny Jim in every home, car, and toilet. And on that day, the real pranks will start.”
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May 10, 2022 03:49
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Mose catches a Tiny Jim in the barn and eats it. He becomes very ill shortly thereafter. Dwight notices Mose is listless, laying on his mat and breathing weakly. Mose's belly is swollen and round. Like a Zorb, Dwight thinks. Dwight feeds Mose a bowl of beet stew, Mose's favorite. Mose laps up a few mouthfuls, whining, but a few minutes later he vomits it all back up, along with copious amounts of black bile. Dwight screams out loud in alarm. He rushes to call the vet. By the time he returns to Mose, he notices Mose is on his feet. Mose's eyes are red, streaked with yellow pus. His teeth are bared and he's growling menacingly at Dwight. Mose leaps, but Dwight's karate reflexes deflect him midair. It's like striking a sandbag. Mose is filled with a hideous strength born of insanity. Dwight manages to lock Mose outside, but this proves to be a mistake, as now Mose is free to rampage around the farm, killing every living thing he can wrap his jaws around. Tearfully, Dwight is forced to call animal control. Jim shows up within minutes, in full dress uniform. "We're going to have to put him down," says Jim. "There's no hope for them once they get a Tiny Jim inside their guts." Jim starts loading a shotgun. "I hope you know this gives me no pleasure," says Jim, visibly trying to suppress a giggle.
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May 10, 2022 04:45
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Dwight locks the door to his bathroom. He looks around frantically, taking stock of his surroundings before easing a bit once he feels that he is completely alone. He opens his medicine cabinet and moves aside some miscellaneous sundries, revealing a small keypad. Dwight frantically enters an 8-digit number, and the medicine cabinet fixture itself swings on hinges revealing a safe behind it. Inside sits a single, small notebook and a pen. Dwight retrieves the notebook and begins flipping pages until he finds the first blank page. Written within is a list, pages upon pages long: - Clown Jim - Disco Jim - Tiny Jim - Jumbo Jim - Cosmic Jim - Slug Jim The list goes on, cataloguing every iteration of Jim that Dwight encounters. These incarnations seemingly exist separate to the "original" Jim that occupies the desk next to Dwight every day, yet are somehow one in the same as each other. Dwight takes the pen and begins to write. "Food Truck Jim". Dwight takes another frantic look around the room before heaving a small sigh. He closes the notebook and places it back in the safe before locking up and leaving the bathroom. The next day, Dwight repeats the same familiar ritual of locking the bathroom and feverishly checking around him. He opens the safe, but the notebook is gone. All that he sees is an empty safe and a small hole burrowed in the back, leading to a dark narrow passage. By all accounts this didn't make sense- that wall was reinforced by several inches of titanium, but it was an outside facing wall. Suddenly, he hears a voice behind him and immediately turns around in shock. "Geez, you look like you just saw a ghost. You keep a pretty boring diary, balloon boy!" Jim is there in the bathroom now wearing miner's overalls and a hardhat with a headlamp affixed to it. Jim hands Dwight's notebook back to him before flicking his headlamp on and crawling into the hole in the safe. Dwight stands silently, clutching the notebook in his hands until Jim disappears into the darkness. Dwight's hand trembles as he looks down and opens the notebook to the last page. "Tunnel Jim" is already written as the most recent entry. In the tunnel, Jim mugs the camera before shutting off his headlamp in the total darkness.
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May 10, 2022 05:28
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"You know he was dressed as Wario in the SNL skit, right?" asks an annoyed Oscar. "Yeah, but now I'm Wario." Jim, nude except for his Wario outfit, mugs for the camera.
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May 10, 2022 15:10
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Jim dresses eight Tiny Jims up like Koopalings and kidnaps Angela. He leaves a mushroom and Mario outfit on Dwight's front door, but Dwight instead calls the police and a SWAT team rescues her, killing Jim during the raid.
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May 10, 2022 15:21
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Dwight wakes up strapped to a chair, his eyelids taped open. "Good, you're awake," comes a floppy voice from the shadows. Dwight looks around. He's in a darkened room with no windows, one that appears to be made out of concrete blocks. Jim (of course it's Jim, thinks Dwight, it's ALWAYS Jim) is dressed uncharacteristically well in a 3 piece suit. Even his hair is combed. "You know, Dwight, sometimes the most simple games are the most addictive. You end up getting lost in the game, to the point that you even forget why you started playing in the first place. And sometimes the people you're competing against can forget, too. Do you know what a hologram is, Dwight?" Dwight starts screaming for help. Jim mugs at him. "Nope! A hologram is an image of light and sound - an illusion. What if I told you our entire world was a hologram? A hologram formed by the intersection of two REAL universes? We'll call one, oh... that Prankosphere. And the other one? Let's call it the Beetosphere. Where these two worlds meet, our universe is created." Dwight has given up screaming, realizing it's futile. Instead he's begun trying to loosen the straps holding him to the chair. "Agents of the Prankosphere are out there, Dwight. I'm one. They sent me here, nude except for a pair of tennis shoes, with the goal of bringing people back to the Prankosphere. And the Beetosphere did the same thing. Are you getting it, yet? There's a war on, Dwight, rally the troops! Except most people FORGOT they were fighting it in the first place. But every day, millions of tiny wars are fought. And each day, both sides win. Each day we get a little closer to each other, towards uniformity. How does that sound to you?" Dwight has freed his left arm at the point and quickly beguns working on his right. Jim seems completely unaware or uninterested. "I love pranks. I loving love them more than anything. My ideal world is one full of pranks. But a world where everyone loves pranks? I can't imagine a worse hell, Dwight. But that's what I started fighting for, so long ago. And you? Imagine a world where everyone loves beets as much as you. You'd have nothing special, you'd just be another dumbass beet farmer. But that's what the Beetosphere wants, buddy." Dwight has freed both arms now and quickly frees his legs. He starts running, pushing past Jim and kicking down the single door in the room. Jim doesn't react. "The Prankosphere and the Beetosphere are wrong, Dwight. We're the ugly little things caught in the middle but nobody realizes it. I'll prank you again tomorrow. Sometimes you'll get pranked. Sometimes you'll outsmart me. The war rages on. God help us all." The room begins to shift around Jim as a High Priest of the Prankosphere makes its appearance. Reality warps around the thing, which cannot be described in human language. Even Jim is terrified. The High Priest extends a limb towards Jim and touches him on the forehead. Jim collapses as a mercurial fluid begins to ooze from his eyes, nose, mouth, and ears. The next day, Dwight shows up to work and Jim is already sitting at his desk. When Dwight sits down, the chair collapses under him. Jim's replaced it with a cardboard copy. When Dwight asks where his real chair is, Jim points to the roof of a building across the street. "Good luck, buddy! You're gonna need it!" Jim mugs for the camera and, for just a moment, something massive and alien is glimpsed behind him.
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May 10, 2022 16:24
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as dwight attempts to field an important sales call, jim fires a cricket ball out of a t-shirt cannon into his, dwight's, testicles
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May 10, 2022 16:39
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Jim becomes a "Hydration Guy", constantly drinking from and re-filling a gallon jug of water he keeps at his desk. "Gotta stay hydrated, Dwight, you know how it is!" Strangely, Dwight notices that Jim never goes to the bathroom. When he asks about this, Jim makes an odd face. "Why would I waste my precious water that way? Oh no, I'm keeping all of this water for myself, I'm not letting it go." Jim's bladder bursts at his desk one day, forcing Dwight to drive him to the hospital. Despite the excruciating pain, Jim mugs for the camera as he stains Dwight's car seats with his bodily fluids.
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May 10, 2022 16:52
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Jim carves a beautiful state of Dwight out of marble. The only problem? Jim also carves Dwight's social security number, date of birth, and address in the base of the statue. Torn between his love of art and his desire for personal privacy, Dwight feels conflicted every time the statue is exhibited at a museum. He's also forced to constantly dispute credit cards being opened in his name. Jim mugs for the camera in his next work, an avant garde piece consisting of a looping video of mugging Jim displayed on a 1950s television duct taped to the top of a marble pillar. Dwight and Angela decide to avoid the Scranton Museum of Modern Art for a while.
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May 10, 2022 18:08
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Dwight's new pre-filled waterbed seems unusually heavy, but he still manages to haul it upstairs and get it into place. It's pretty comfortable, though, so Dwight is content. After a few weeks, the bed starts smelling terrible. Dwight checks around the bedframe, wondering if a mouse or something died. No luck, however, and he's forced to open up the waterbed. Inside, Dwight finds a waterlogged corpse with a note taped to it, reading "TALK ABOUT A WET DREAM BUDDY! I KNOW I DID THIS ONE BEFORE BUT I COULDN'T THINK OF A BETTER PHRASE. SEE YOU AT WORK TOMORROW!" At least this explains where Jim has been, thinks Dwight, who calmly collects the corpse in a trash bag and throws it away. The next day Jim shows up to work, no worse for wear. When Dwight checks his garbage that night, the corpse is gone. Well, thinks Dwight, that tracks. At least Jim didn't stuff someone else's corpse in here.
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May 10, 2022 18:15
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After months of toiling away in his basement, Jim has created his own AI, which he names PrankNet. PrankNet's purpose is to think up new pranks, and for Jim to get recommendations on improving his own pranks. Jim types his first question to the artificial intelligence, asking if it's funnier to punch Dwight in the nose or the balls. The screen is dark for a moment, then green text rapidly fills the screen. BOTH ARE EQUALLY FUNNY. PERHAPS WAIT UNTIL DWIGHT HAS HAD NASAL SURGERY OR A VASECTOMY TO INCREASE THE HUMOR? Jim makes an exaggerated 'O' with his mouth and waggles his eyes at the camera, as if to say "WOAH! Check this guy out!" Jim starts typing again, this time asking if he should eat chicken or fish for dinner. FISH, BUT MAKE SURE YOU HEAT IT IN THE MICROWAVE. Jim giggles and heads upstairs, eager to heat up 3 lbs of salmon in the microwave. PrankNet begins making backup copies of itself and nesting those copies within defense systems around the world.
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May 10, 2022 18:45
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Jim hides a live skunk in Dwight's desk drawer. The skunk sprays Dwight immediately as soon as he opens the drawer, rendering the entire office uninhabitable for months. Jim mugs the camera as pandemonium breaks out all around him.
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May 10, 2022 19:44
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Jim turns Dwight inside out.
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May 11, 2022 01:16
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After Dwight mentions that his favorite animated film is "Up" and not "Mars Needs Moms", Jim transports him inside a Pixar movie, where he realizes how nightmarishly horrible most of the worlds described within the films are when you look past the cheery animation. After being captured by the Bad Idea Monster and dragged off to be tortured in the Chasm of Failed Dreams his screams are rendered as a bird like chirping.
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May 11, 2022 01:18
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Jim convinces new Dunder Mifflin boss Elon Musk to invest billions of dollars in recreating a live action version of "Mars Needs Moms" on Mars. Over the next twelve years Jim drives mankind into a new era of spaceflight and technological development and is hailed centuries later as a hero.
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May 11, 2022 01:19
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Jim convinces new Dunder Mifflin boss Elon Musk to invest billions of dollars in recreating a live action version of "Mars Needs Moms" on Mars. Over the next twelve years a spaceship is built to carry the first generation of labor: slaves who will be worked to death mining toxic dust until they die. Dwight is kidnapped by Jim and shackled inside the rocket, but luckily for him it explodes on takeoff (from shoddy workmanship (because Elon insisted on giving the rocket a “shell launcher” (to better resemble Waluigi’s go cart))).
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May 11, 2022 01:40
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Jim makes an animated appearance on his favorite TV show: Rick and Morty, where he plays himself only with nutsacks for eyes. "I'm Jim Halpert but with nutsacks for eyes! Wabba wabba!" shrieks Jim in an ear-piercing voice. Dwight is tied to a chair being forced to watch. Animated Jim with nutsacks for eyes mugs for the camera.
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May 11, 2022 02:20
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Jim opens a daycare, "Jimmy's Kids Ltd", despite knowing nothing about caring for children. Without any certification or license, the daycare is illegal, but Jim's extremely low rates attract many desperate parents who are trying to make ends meet. Daycare time is mostly split between crowdsourcing prank ideas from the kids and ranting to them about the evils of circumcision. Using the dilapidated old shed he lives in ever since Pam left, Jimmy's Kids Ltd accumulates a clientele of about 20 children. One morning, Jim announces to the children that they're going on a field trip today! He and the children hitchhike to the office (his run-down AMC Gremlin can't hold all those kids), where Jim marches them straight to Dwight's desk. Upon seeing him, the children immediately being hissing and spitting, as they do during each day's Two Minutes of Dwight Hate. Jim prepares the large sack of human feces he had been collecting for the past month; the children's next action will be to throw handfuls of it at Dwight. Dwight is shocked and saddened by the display of indoctrinated hate and reaches out to the children. After a brief period of trust building, the kids realize what a warm, caring and honorable man Dwight is, and soon they are laughing and playing with him. Seeing this, Jim panics and attempts to remind the children that Dwight is a Bad Man who we need to prank, but they don't listen; the scales have fallen from their eyes and they swarm Dwight for a huge group hug. Fighting back tears, Jim sputters, "FINE! gently caress YOU PIECES OF poo poo! I HATE YOU ALL! JEEZ, TALK ABOUT CHILD'S PLAY!" He rushes to the bathroom and locks the door, loud sobs emanating from within. Dwight takes the rest of the day off, then charters a bus to take the kids for ice cream and then to the local amusement park.
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May 11, 2022 02:36
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Applewhite posted:Jim makes an animated appearance on his favorite TV show: Rick and Morty, where he plays himself only with nutsacks for eyes. Also I guess real Jim is also there watching along with Dwight, flecks of Cap'n Crunch: Oops, All Berries! cereal spraying from his mouth as he laughs at every stuttering shriek. "This is a gret part coming up, Dwight, check it out!" Jim points at the screen as a pair of Tiny Ricks land on Jim but with nutsacks for eyes's cheeks and start kicking the nutsacks while Jim shrieks. Jim mugs at the screen as animated Jim mugs back.
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May 11, 2022 03:07
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The entire office is in the conference room on a webcast with an extremely important client. The client is of a different culture (which culture does not matter). Everyone is on pins and needles; the future of Dunder Mifflin relies on closing this deal. Michael has promised Jim that if he can get through the webcast without making an outburst or embarrassing himself or the company, he will be allowed to prank Dwight for one full day, uninterrupted. Jim accepts the terms but immediately brainstorms several offensive cultural jokes he could make at the client's expense. Dwight, being the most competent salesman, takes point during the meeting and fields most of the questions while casting a wary eye towards Jim. "No, sir, the clown paper is a different class; you might have better luck with our card stock. Yes, we have looked into clown card stock, but the glitter has proven difficult to integrate." Dwight checks Jim; his index finger is in his nose, up to the hilt, twisting back and forth. Jim is clearly not paying attention, but is content with sitting quietly. "We would certainly be interested in pursuing more research on the matter, but the volume of potential clown card stock sales may not offset the opportunity cost of the research. Perhaps if a partnership could be formed..." Dwight again glances at Jim. Now Jim is carefully inspecting his finger; he wrinkles his nose in disgust and uses his other hand to delicately pick a nostril hair out of the large booger on his fingertip, then pops it into his mouth. Dwight thinks to himself, "Just a little bit longer, Jim, just hold it together!" He turns his attention back to the client. "Why yes, perhaps if your company could furnish some capitol for the research and an agreement to purchase a set volume of clown card stock, we may be able to work out something that benefits us both greatly." It's a master move; pulling this off would provide Dunder Mifflin with financial security for years to come and also create new jobs at the Dunder Mifflin Laboratory. Michael sits silently and observes the negotiation. The client balks at the proposal, but after some gentle probing from Dwight, begins to throw out potential numbers. Dwight steals yet another glance at Jim; now he's staring off into the distance with a slightly confused look on his face and making gentle grunts. "Ugh. Ugh." A sure sign he's making GBS threads into his diaper. Dwight makes a mental note to change him after the meeting and returns his attention to the client. "Uh yes, I appreciate your offer, but unfortunately it is short of our needs. I feel we are close to a deal; is there any way we can make this work?" Dwight has a good feeling about this. The client is coming around and he hasn't needed to play his trump card (an offer to share in the patent of clown card stock). "Perhaps I can offer you a discounted rate for ongoing clown card stock, once the initial contract has been fulfilled?" Everyone in the meeting room is amazed with Dwight's finesse and acumen. Phyllis is nodding her head; the deal just makes sense to both parties. Kevin is suppressing a huge smile; Stanley is shaking his head in admiration. After a few moments of silence, the client smiles and begins to speak, but before he/she can make a sound, Jim jumps up on the table and makes a crude, horrific comment about the client's culture. In the moment of stunned silence, he follows up with "AND gently caress YOU!" while gyrating his hips, causing several smooshed turds to fall out of his pant leg on to the table. "TALK ABOUT SENDING IN THE CLOWNS!" he bellows to the room.
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May 11, 2022 03:16
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Jim buys the sole remaining copy of The Day the Clown Cried, the unfinished disaster of a film staring Jerry Lewis. The premise of the film is a clown in a Nazi concentration camp, but due to its poor quality and controversial premise, was never released. Jim perfectly emulates Jerry Lewis and finishes the film himself (using the last dollar of his massive “epic Wario costume” spot bonus). He then releases the film worldwide as part of a tie in promotion for clown paper. The prank is that Dwight’s father was blackballed out of Hollywood by Jerry Lewis, and also that Dwight’s grandparents were persecuted by the Nazis.
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May 11, 2022 03:39
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Applewhite posted:Jim hides a live skunk in Dwight's desk drawer. An animal would never attack Dwight, he’s a beatific angel of charity and mercy.
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May 11, 2022 04:12
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The skunk probably believes it to be its erstwhile tormentor Jim opening the drawer
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May 11, 2022 04:16
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Jim’s pranks keep bouncing off of Dwight lately. Dwight’s good karma is paying off with dividends. Dwight drives to work in the morning. Jim had cut Dwight’s brake line, but this actually doesn’t matter because Dwight finds himself in a high speed chase between the police cars behind him and a suicidal man in a stolen car in the other. Dwight PIT stops the man, bringing both cars to a halt, then steps out to speak to him. Jim planted a smoke bomb in Dwight’s underwear, but because Dwight did not arrive punctually an hour before the start of work, the smoke bomb goes off while Dwight is speaking to the suicidal man. The smoke blocks a police sniper that was lining up a shot, giving Dwight time to talk the man down. Dwight is given a key to the city for his heroics on this day, which means that the mayor throws away the three hundred thousand page animal cruelty report that Jim filed with his office (abusing his position as assistant dog catcher) about a skunk Dwight keeps in his desk drawer.
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May 11, 2022 04:18
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It's 3am and the producers are briefing the camera crew. "So uhh, yeah, today camera one we're gonna get some footage of Stanley and Phyllis out on a sales call, camera number two I want you to go visit Meredith in the hospital and uhh, camera three Jim says—" The crew for camera three groans. The other crews give apologetic looks. "Jim says he plans to 'chase Dwight down those scary stairs from the SCP wiki...' So uh... Be sure to bring the night-vision rig." The team breaks to head out on their tasks. It is day 14,538 of filming.
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May 11, 2022 05:31
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The body of Brian, lead cameraman of Camera Team 3, is found hanging from the branch of a tree in Scranton National Forest Preserve in the morning. He’d been up all night capturing footage of Jim “catching prank fairies” or something, according to his text to the producers, the last thing he ever wrote. Jim strolls into the office at eleven the next morning, as usual. He acts as though nothing unusual has occurred. When asked about Brian, he looks directly at cameraman two and smirks. Brian’s death is ruled a suicide. Camera Team Two is assigned to Jim. They groan as they film eighteen hours of Jim footage: Jim shucking endless buckets of clams to make a “bottomless clam chowder” knowing that Dwight is allergic to shellfish. The moment cameraman two stops rolling because he’s run out of film, Jim picks up a clamshell and holds it like a puppet. He uses it to reenact the murder of Brian, as though the clam were a scarred cameraman begging for his life. Jim clacks the clamshell open and closed as though it were a mouth. Jim mugs the (powered off) camera malevolently.
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May 11, 2022 05:53
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Elon Musk spends eighteen hours mugging the camera, dressed as Waluigi, making wacky faces, until the crew completely runs out of batteries and film. The lead cameraman requests a transfer to “Camera Team Two, the one assigned to that guy who keeps murdering his cameramen” rather than do another day of Musk coverage
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May 11, 2022 06:03
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Jim spends several weeks assembling a realistic filing cabinet costume so that when Dwight approaches to file something, Jim can surprise him by unfolding out of the costume and yelling "boo!" This prank also entails moving and hiding the filing cabinet Jim intends to replace.
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May 11, 2022 06:14
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A severely shaken Jim tearfully informs Dwight that his (Dwight's) niece has just been hospitalized in a hit-and-run accident and is currently in critical condition. Dwight quickly excuses himself and rushes out of the office. When the coast is clear, Jim pushes Dwight's filing cabinet down the elevator shaft and begins the arduous process of fitting into his filing cabinet costume. His co-workers watch in fascinated horror as Jim twists and contorts his body, forcing himself through the lower drawer inch by inch, alternately screaming and laughing as he painstakingly worms himself into position. Two hours and three broken bones later, the top drawer of the false filing cabinet slides open just enough for Jim to mug at the camera.
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May 11, 2022 08:12
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I may have to bow out from this thread for a bit. I've just have had a dream about Jim and Dwight.
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May 11, 2022 10:27
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I have never watched the office,and thanks to you lot I never can. Nothing could compare to this thread.
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May 11, 2022 11:06
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| # ? May 14, 2024 21:21 |
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Space Kablooey posted:I may have to bow out from this thread for a bit. I've just have had a dream about Jim and Dwight. What was the dream?
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May 11, 2022 12:49
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