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EmbryoSteve posted:Yeah i went with the long con. I attended the wedding disguised as a loveable and interesting traveling scholar, and gave a "reading" of a "classical work" during the reception. That "reading" of course was a spell of Binding Of the Will. Their grandchildren will be my thralls and I can get the meat back on the menu when I get them into a new Civil War in 50-70 years. quote:Yeah if he made contact with an Outer One, he is probably lost to time and space and that physical note is a trap. DO NOT SCRY OR TRY TO TRACE IT. THAT WILL GIVE AN OUTER ONE A DIRECT PATH INTO YOUR MIND AND MAGIC. Agreed, the fool is AT BEST reliving his worst pain in statis quote:There is a reason we dont mess with the Outer One's. They are "outer" of a reason. Counter point, with the proper preparation you could draw some Outer essences or even guile a favor /summons but you better to your dark homework. Better yet, have a thrall or flesh automaton do the scrying.
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May 20, 2022 02:47
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ilovebeersooomuch posted:
Warlock detected. why dont you ask your mommy for magic lessons and leave the real magic to the real wizards
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May 20, 2022 02:53
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naem posted:I had a Meat Beast fall into my Skeleton Pit one time, THAT was a mess Yeah this sounds like it would be hysterical at first but get old really fast. So uh, what did you do with that Tome of Flesh? I dabble in collecting pulp arcane tomes, you know, the trashy serial tomes and the Curse By Numbers junk. Might be interested if you still got it. I have some preserved Leprechaun phallus I would trade, maybe?
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May 20, 2022 02:54
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Hihohe posted:Warlock detected. why dont you ask your mommy for magic lessons and leave the real magic to the real wizards Ugh, again with this poo poo. No, I'm not going to put my own phylactery in line of sight to an Outer One
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May 20, 2022 03:11
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Hihohe posted:Warlock detected. why dont you ask your mommy for magic lessons and leave the real magic to the real wizards Never got the point of being a Warlock. Oooh, you get magic powers from an outer power that now basically owns your rear end. You skip a few years of magical training in return for decades or centuries of thralldom. You can't even rise up and usurp your master because they can disable your power at a whim. You're like an even shittier sorcerer
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May 20, 2022 03:16
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Demons balls on a spit, I feel like I'm trying to explain to acolytes No, you don't put all your dark magic into a pact or servitude, no you don't let an Outer One have direct access to your mind and magic, no you don't try to break The Rule. Dark Wizarding is the culmination of dark arts and if you haven't the genius to ply combinations of some forbidden rituals as part of a trick to steal power from a cosmic entity, how do expect to get past the mana plateau? I guess you'll be stuck there.
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May 20, 2022 03:37
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*sips bloodwine from chalice*
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May 20, 2022 03:40
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Alright, who's the rear end in a top hat that just sent me a case of BloodRite candles from Yankee Candle?
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May 20, 2022 03:47
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Deki posted:Never got the point of being a Warlock. If you know what you’re about you can start channeling aspects of those outer powers and start warping yourself. Once you get a positive feedback loop going bing bang boom all of a sudden you’re an avatar of the outer power. Then you can ride the knife edge of balancing your own twisted whims against the insanity and power of an old one.
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May 20, 2022 03:57
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Is it ok to post selfies in this?
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May 20, 2022 04:36
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ilovebeersooomuch posted:Nursery music? Why would you post children's songs in here? 'tis my brooding music, for when my magic needs refreshed.
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May 20, 2022 05:41
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Bula Vinaka posted:'tis my brooding music, for when my magic needs refreshed. Ah, indeed I recall tonal sounds such as this eminating from my birthing chamber when I was but a mortal, such is why I asked.
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May 20, 2022 13:07
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Someone mistook me for a sorcerer the other day. Is it my robes? Do I not give off the right dismal aura? I'm in crisis.
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May 20, 2022 14:32
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If it was a child, then you kissed an essential opportunity to educate. An adult? I congratulate you on your newly collected thrall/soul sacrifice!
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May 20, 2022 14:42
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Doc Fission posted:Someone mistook me for a sorcerer the other day. Is it my robes? Do I not give off the right dismal aura? I'm in crisis. FilthyImp posted:If it was a child, then you kissed an essential opportunity to educate. Or murder. Murder is always an option. Unless you disguised yourself and forgot? sometimes I let simple glamours disspell on thier own but sometimes it's a while
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May 20, 2022 15:10
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Doc Fission posted:Someone mistook me for a sorcerer the other day. Is it my robes? Do I not give off the right dismal aura? I'm in crisis. to be fair Sorcerers can be "Dark Wizards" but really it is probably your wardrobe that is confusing. What are you wearing or not wearing? Are you over 4 skulls or under 4 skulls? I like to have a constant illusion around my body so that I appear as: Someone who appears close to / reminds someone of who the respect most in this world of whomever is witnessing me. A swirling mass of bone and gore A precious child A wise old man/woman if im feeling low energy and not creative I just pull whatever frightens them most from their subconcious (though sometimes these can be aspects rather than things i.e. failure etc.) If I am feeling high energy and creative I go with something picked from the mind of the viewer that is truly absurd to them (imagine thinking you are going to fight an all powerful dark lich and you fight and struggle through this lich's dungeon and keep only to find what appears to be a sentient leg of mutton or what appears to be a penis or vagina cackling with dark delights and power) The last one always throws off adventurers so you can really mess with them. "what the gently caress why is there a giant talking dick?? is this another monster or a victim of the lich?" If you are sly you can also trick them into thinking you are just another victim and then decide how best to abuse that trust. ilovebeersooomuch posted:Or murder. Murder is always an option. you always jump to MURDER so fast. What's your rush in your undeath? have some fun. All choices lead to their death/soul binding no matter what. no need to rush straight to MURDER Sometimes people are so fast to kill they forget what it means to truly die
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May 20, 2022 18:23
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EmbryoSteve posted:you always jump to MURDER so fast. Yeah, I like murder 
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May 20, 2022 23:46
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I'm afraid that I've reached a point of noticability with giving ultimate curses to hated people. I've been toying with it as doing a +1 after every relocation. Welp. People suffer misfortunes all the time. It shouldn't mean anything that eight of the people around me can claim Job was a whiner.
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May 21, 2022 03:48
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Spice things up a little by blessing one person in the community whilst cursing others. This will definitely keep any attention from you
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May 21, 2022 12:25
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Feelin’ a little down and out today, no one noticed my new haircut. I’m gonna take it up a notch and get some horns, or maybe an extra row or two of teeth.
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May 21, 2022 14:05
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Dispel the invisibility my wizard
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May 21, 2022 15:14
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Ah my plans are coming to fruition! Long have I played the Council of Egrigious Behavior, plying those fools with honeyed words and false compliments. Today, I will strike to their very heart! They have asked me to help them move to a larger sanctum and I have agreed - today is the day. They purchased some snacks and drinks using their Wizards Plus corporate credit card but.... I SHANT ASSIST THEM AT ALL!! HAHAHAHA! Cast polymorph self! I am become a No Show!!! HAHAHAHA!!!! They will know pain for RSVPing to my zombie movie night and not coming
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Jul 1, 2022 13:04
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 Virgil: Maxwell, you must listen to me. Max, sighing: What now? V: Maxwell. it is extremely important that you understand - M: That you're a Wizard? Yeah. I know. V: Oh my god. How did you know?! <suspiciously> Maxwell. Are you ALSO a WIZARD?! M: No, you loving owl you told me 15 minutes ago. Again. V: ....Maxwell.
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Jul 1, 2022 13:59
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ilovebeersooomuch posted:Yeah this sounds like it would be hysterical at first but get old really fast. fun story, I just spent most of a year as a SKELENTON I got straight up vanquished by a barbarian, lost all my HP and got sparta kicked right into my own skeleton pit. I was gone before they ate off all my flesh thank goodness (badness) but in a stroke of luck I had the Tome of Flesh in my hand as I fell. The Tome had some kind of slow acting FLESH spell active on it and I knit back together. I’ve got, I don’t know how many horcrux’es out there so I’d have come back eventually anyway but it’s nice to be in my own bod again. It’s funny, I got started in the skellenton business by accident when I found a Tome of Summon Skeleton under the floorboards of my alchemy tower. I didn’t realize it was activated until skeletons started showing up randomly. I’d asked them to dig me a new latrine pit and came back to find the whole labyrinthine skeleton dungeons level below my spare bedroom. It’s like an anthill down there they really went for it. Growing my flesh back was SUPER itchy buts it’s all back now pretty much. Actually the FLESH TOME is still down there too, it’s probably generating FLESH GOLEMS when I feed the guys scraps, I bet they love it. Skelentons are like snakes they really prefer live food. And I KNOW that now, still kinda craving MEAT
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Dec 27, 2022 20:26
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Oh please I've been a ghost (for tax reasons) for decades, decades!
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Dec 27, 2022 23:20
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Always glad to see this thread be necro'd by my fellow dark wizards. How are everyone's evil scheme's going? I did actually get to build that titanic meatbeast. I learned that it can be ANY FLESH that died in violence to satisfy the violent flesh requirement. It didn't have to be just human flesh. I went to a local meat rendering operation and just animated a bunch of horse and cow skellies to kill the workers there and had those workers reanimated to carry to piles and piles of animal flesh to back to my lab and then incorporated those workers into the meatbeast. I must admit that the horrific amalgam of horse, cow, and some human flesh gives a bit more flair that just human flesh only. It escaped though because I got a little too tipsy one night while loving around with my tonics and forgot to renew the flesh ward at the adventurer entrance to my decoy underground lab. tracking its path of meaty destruction across the countryside and seeing how big it had grown due to its infernal unquenchable desire for MEAT when I caught up to it was one of the few things in the last 2000 years to warm my cold dead heart. You guys it was absolutely titanic. I wish I had a different word than titanic to describe this truly magnificent, enormous, and massive this of sentient malicious meat was. I didn't know it could get that big. It sacked a whole city of about 20k residents and they just couldnt stop it. The locals just abandoned the entire area (which is its own set of challenges). it felt like what I imagine it must feel like for a living person to see their child work hard and graduate college. anyway it was waaaay too big to go back in the decoy lab. so I teleported it to a large Crete sized island with 2 good sized ports on it (25k pop each). Last I checked it consumed all living beings there and roams in solitude. Crushing and consuming all meat that finds itself marooned on the island. I am hopeful it can become a legendary being, inspire many crusades / adventuring parties to slay it, and keep adding to its titanic fleshy mass. My meatbeast all grow'd up. I'd shed a tear if I had tear ducts EmbryoSteve fucked around with this message at 00:15 on Dec 28, 2022 |
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Dec 28, 2022 00:06
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Is anyone else concerned about this ScryGPT poo poo? I've got a fairly diverse set of skills that have weathered a bunch of persecutions, witch-hunts, and industry changes. But it's something else to just watch Decoctions, spells and wards appear on a Tome with just basic instructions. They're not half bad, either.
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Dec 28, 2022 00:10
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EmbryoSteve posted:Always glad to see this thread be necro'd by my fellow dark wizards. you always want your kids to have, more than you had nothing like seeing them succeed
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Dec 28, 2022 00:37
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naem posted:Growing my flesh back was SUPER itchy buts it’s all back now pretty much. Bro pro tip, I knew this guy who had to regrow his face and the eyes never grow back in right. I highly recommend investing in an iron mask of some sorts, but don't like get trademark-ey about it. Get something nondescript so you can plausibly deny it if you get caught on the cctv ("Your honor, you can buy this mask anywhere, they'll sell it at the supermarket if you ask. They've got plenty in the back"). --speaking of which thank u to the poster who recommended the Arbiters' Guild, magic law is ez on account of almost everyone who comes around is already a notoriously evil wizard and everybody and their mother knows they did it so you just gotta reach a bargain that both parties can agree to. Met my first Pit Fiend, said some paladin made a deal with him decades ago and now that the guy's old and frail, he's hiding under the protection of his deity. I'm thinking no problem, paladin with a lawful good deity, we'll just sit down with his head priest who hears our story and hands the guy over, right?  Turns out this paladin is a crusader for one of those fuckin TV churches, and the head priest is slimier than a god drat lawyer. He's trying every trick in the book to get my client to head back to the nine hells and he is good--this guy tried to cold read my client's true name syllable by syllable, in the Elder Tongue no less! Of course a televangelist would know how to speak it.At this point I'm like, ok, I played Phoenix Wright, when the guy is trying to shake you then it's time to review the muthafuckin evidence. So I look at the original contract and it turns out that the agreement was for the fiend to work a Minor Miracle for the paladin, because it ain't on his spell list but it was literally gonna take a minor miracle for his stupid rear end to pass the written portion of his knighthood exam. Hosted by this very church, forty years ago. The last time I seen a man of the cloth run out of a room that fast, it was on the news and there was FBIs coming in to tackle him. But this one came back, and he was dragging this frail old paladin by the ear. Priest asks, "How much do I owe you?" And I'm like, "The contract as written says One Soul, Upon Death, w-wait you're not gonna kill this guy like, right here, are you?" Priest says, "Naaaaw, but he placed himself under my protection so I can renegotiate his contract any time, right?" And I'm like oh yeah, a sleazeball like him would know magic law this well! The priest gives the paladin up on the spot, and as punishment he rewrites the contract so the guy falls and becomes a tortured soul aware that it's an Antipaladin and hates itself for what it's doing for all of eternity. maybe i feel not so good about how that one ended. also pit fiends calculate your hourly rate to the minute, cheapass
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Dec 28, 2022 02:54
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My big thing for the year is another castle conversion. Found some prime real estate but the problem is... it's a paladin temple. They're just squandering all the potential! So I figure I'm gonna try the ol "corrupt from within" by spreading some tainted ground beneath the temple. That'll take time and some experimentation to see which types can bypass the whole "sacred ground cannot be defiled" rules but I'm sure I got something in my bag of tricks Once a few of them are succumbing the madness, I can work to quietly warp their teachings to fit my own agendas. Hell there's a really nice alchemy shop backed by the Institution of Reagent Testing and Verification so maybe I can score some rare poo poo Otherwise just bog standard terrorizing and razing of farms is on the agenda for the next couple months to distract from turning a holy temple into a profane monolith, y'know?
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Dec 28, 2022 03:31
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Skypie posted:
I wonder how creative you can get with this. You don't have to do bog standard anything. Have a little fun with the distraction. Plague of locusts? Laughing sickness? Doesn't have to be just show up and burn the place to the ground
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Dec 28, 2022 04:19
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Make the fields scream every time they reap the harvest. Vegetables that bleed when cut. Alter time around their grain storage so that it rots quicker. Groundhog Day them for a couple millennia.
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Dec 28, 2022 04:34
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secular woods sex posted:Groundhog Day them for a couple millennia. hey now that’s, this is the dark thread not the super mega be a giant monster thread
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Dec 28, 2022 05:03
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Also i dont recommend groundhog daying. I did it to a guy and he just spent all his time training and figuring a way out and then he got himself ungroundhogged and kicked my rear end and i had to lay low for a couple of years It seemed like he was only in there for 5 seconds to me but apparently he was in there for years. it looked like i cast a "make a dude super ripped and pissed off at you spell" Hihohe fucked around with this message at 05:16 on Dec 28, 2022 |
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Dec 28, 2022 05:13
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Plus there's a bunch of potential for timevortices of your wards are messed up. Don't want to wake up with half a town super slow while the other crumbles to ash.
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Dec 28, 2022 05:31
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Open the door
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Dec 28, 2022 05:53
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WAR CRIME GIGOLO posted:Open the door Not gonna get me with this one again, you Outsider gently caress
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Dec 28, 2022 06:16
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Walk outside
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Dec 28, 2022 06:22
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Just groundhog day yourself, you loving sorcerers. Not that it would help much since you don't learn.
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Dec 28, 2022 07:35
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Hihohe posted:Also i dont recommend groundhog daying. I did it to a guy and he just spent all his time training and figuring a way out and then he got himself ungroundhogged and kicked my rear end and i had to lay low for a couple of years lol, look at this scrub. If you want to groundhog day someone properly, you have to lure them to a barren wasteland or somewhere else that is similarly hostile with very little stimuli and no chance of getting anywhere interesting before the loop resets. In a hundred years they will be completely insane. At worst, they might be very skilled at making stuff with dirt.
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