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very good
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May 25, 2022 03:28
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| # ? May 28, 2024 00:06 |
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https://i.imgur.com/wrGgzSb.mp4
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May 25, 2022 04:02
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Another week, another mass shooting. We purse our lips and furrow our brows and decide that it is time to invade America. Peacefully, of course. Anyway, the maths is sound: 320,000,000 of them; 7,500,000,000 of us. Twenty-three non-Americans for every American on the planet. So we organise a rota. Each of us gives up one day a month- a single day!- with the remainder covered by a sort of lottery system. It is that person’s job to simply watch, for that one day in thirty, and to intervene should their designated American express any interest in transforming the local supermarket into a scale model of the Somme circa 1916. Each American is discretely shadowed, every day, by a person from Australia or France or Nigeria or New Caledonia or Japan or Jamaica or wherever. Every American is trailed at work and followed at cinemas and watched while shopping and observed at the dining table; they can expect a disapproving cough from the shadows should they ever stick a new bit of metal on their gun to make it better at killing lots of people. And most of us now carry a wooden spoon to slap across the knuckles of our selected American should they ever reach for a military-grade weapon whilst bellowing about “freedoms.” Any purchase of tactical body armour is met with a reply of “really…?” accented of course in Finnish or Cantonese or Twi… I am assigned to a guy called Steve, on the 25th day of each month. This means I get to spend Christmas with Steve, and as it happens, his birthday is on the 25th of February too. It’s actually really fun! Besides, Steve owns ZERO implements of high-velocity mass murder, so it is honestly a pretty easy posting. Steve grumbled at first, when I and Eloise and Chetachi and Bronson and Akito and Kamla (and so on) arrived one day after the next to keep an eye on him. I mean, to be fair, we grumbled too! But Steve has come to see that value of the plan. Something had to be done, after all. And a rota of seven and a half billion people seems to be the only practical solution.
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May 25, 2022 06:06
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CLOq9C0kN-A
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May 25, 2022 06:48
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    A real headscratcher      
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May 25, 2022 08:46
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Goddamn the way twitter butchers compression really ruins this joke. It took like 20 seconds for it to unfuck the sound.
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May 25, 2022 09:11
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Uh oh, did my perfect boy do something
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May 25, 2022 09:43
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May 25, 2022 13:06
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Why does Terry know my birthday? What is he stalking me now?
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May 25, 2022 13:09
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Terry you’re two weeks early but it’s really sweet that you remembered my birthday is in fact on a Wednesday this year. You tried. 
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May 25, 2022 13:22
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Is that Australia on the card Terry? Is that a RACIST birthday card?!?
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May 25, 2022 13:38
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Wow thanks Terry for a sopping wet birthday card. I can’t even tell what it says anymore. Look man, I get it. Giving everyone gifts every week is expensive. If you need to take a break, take a break.
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May 25, 2022 13:49
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I love you so much Terry
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May 25, 2022 13:56
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May 25, 2022 14:01
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Large Testicles posted:Goddamn the way twitter butchers compression really ruins this joke. It took like 20 seconds for it to unfuck the sound. it's better if you click through and view on the site but yeah embeds take forever to switch out of dialup mode
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May 25, 2022 14:07
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It's a different shark called Telly.
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May 25, 2022 14:33
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A dumb name for a shark, by the way.
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May 25, 2022 14:33
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So Terry has now stolen my identity and is sending me threats in the form of birthday cards. Very uncool, and really unsmooth. Terry is the least smooth shark ever.
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May 25, 2022 14:35
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The Toxic Positivity Of Terry Likers Continues
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May 25, 2022 14:36
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 I want to have the right to have an abortion OK, I'll just send the kid to school
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May 25, 2022 15:03
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Antigravitas posted:
Oof load: extra large
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May 25, 2022 15:06
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Antigravitas posted:
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May 25, 2022 15:12
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marshmallow creep posted:That is a pretty baller uniform. Like he is a.knight in a joust. fun fact: the official state sport of maryland is jousting
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May 25, 2022 15:13
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LifeSunDeath posted:So Terry has now stolen my identity and is sending me threats in the form of birthday cards. Very uncool, and really unsmooth. A fae shark? This changes everything.
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May 25, 2022 15:33
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In maryland there's nothing to do Except joust
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May 25, 2022 15:58
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"In Maryland without a car ain't poo poo to do" - Stanley "Substantial" Robinson
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May 25, 2022 16:22
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U1dUk8x2XkA
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May 25, 2022 16:34
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Maybe that's true down in PG county
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May 25, 2022 16:35
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gleebster posted:Maybe that's true down in PG county gee i wonder why the majority-black county in a state that specifically joined the union on the condition that it could continue enslaving black people might not have the same sort of infrastructural and social investments made in the majority-white rich counties the loving national guard and FEMA had to step in and host a covid vaccination clinic for us because our treatment by the state was so godsdamned inequitable
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May 25, 2022 16:45
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So goddamned inequitable is basically all aspects of the USA. loving might as well write it onto the Statue of Liberty at this point.
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May 25, 2022 16:48
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It’s only a few days late, but I really appreciate it, Terry 
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May 25, 2022 17:23
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ellie the beep posted:gee i wonder why the majority-black county in a state that specifically joined the union on the condition that it could continue enslaving black people might not have the same sort of infrastructural and social investments made in the majority-white rich counties I just meant it was less densely populated than we are here in Baltimore.
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May 25, 2022 17:48
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this is Legal Proof: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MfQ4hrIANTA
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May 25, 2022 17:50
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May 25, 2022 18:14
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150,000 bats ON A BUS
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May 25, 2022 18:27
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May 25, 2022 18:45
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Brawnfire posted:150,000 bats ON A BUS
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May 25, 2022 18:50
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:perfection:
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May 25, 2022 18:50
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| # ? May 28, 2024 00:06 |
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Oh word? Explain the old saying "good night, don't let the batsbus bite" then.
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May 25, 2022 18:54
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