|
Have we considered allowing the free market to decide how many school shootings it can bear? The invisible hand of the free market is all knowing and never leads us astray.
F_Shit_Fitzgerald fucked around with this message at 16:44 on May 28, 2022 |
#
?
May 28, 2022 16:38
|
|
|
|
| # ? Jun 8, 2024 09:57 |
|
|
I literally cannot believe we are not taking the obvious solution of bulletproof backpacks big enough to hold children that can be zipped and locked from the inside. Keep shooting at my Trapper Keeper (TM) brand personal child containment and protection backpack, rear end in a top hat!
|
|
#
?
May 28, 2022 17:11
|
|
|
Make socializing mandatory and prejudice illegal so that all the disenchanted kids feel love and dont want to burn down the world
|
|
#
?
May 28, 2022 17:16
|
|
|
Instead of sending children to school to get an education send a rag-tag team of combat experts, each specializing in a different lethal art.
|
|
#
?
May 28, 2022 17:17
|
|
|
Make humour illegal because no one likes to be made fun of.
|
|
#
?
May 28, 2022 17:17
|
|
|
Mandatory breakfast club every weekend to mix up the social castes
|
|
#
?
May 28, 2022 17:18
|
|
|
All potential school shooters in Texas will be given bus tickets to NYC or SF so they can team up with The Homeless to take down Liberals.
|
|
#
?
May 28, 2022 17:25
|
|
|
if police routinely execute all schoolchildren there will be none left for school shooters
|
|
#
?
May 28, 2022 17:42
|
|
|
RDM posted:All potential school shooters in Texas will be given bus tickets to NYC or SF so they can team up with The Homeless to take down Liberals. I like this one
|
|
#
?
May 28, 2022 17:55
|
|
|
Secretly replace all the bullets with chocolate facsimiles.
|
|
#
?
May 28, 2022 17:58
|
|
|
Giant magnet on the ceiling so the shooter is immediately disarmed upon entering 
|
|
#
?
May 28, 2022 18:19
|
|
|
Gather our top scientific minds together and get them to figure out which God/s are real. Then pray like crazy.
|
|
#
?
May 28, 2022 18:22
|
|
|
Manufacture all civilian ammunition with Nerf material
|
|
#
?
May 28, 2022 18:42
|
|
|
Shoot all gun owners
|
|
#
?
May 28, 2022 18:44
|
|
|
Force all children to shoot another child to death from an early age so that they can get it out of their system. Like chicken pox. Parents can get together and just have their children shot to death just to get it over with.
|
|
#
?
May 28, 2022 18:55
|
|
|
Use wildly anatomically inaccurate targets at gun ranges so that shooters have it all wrong.
|
|
#
?
May 28, 2022 18:58
|
|
|
Next edition of Dungeons and dragons should severely nerf the spree killer class. Make it a pain in the rear end to play. Any old kobold fucks you up because you're a total loser
|
|
#
?
May 28, 2022 19:13
|
|
|
Turn all schools into carnival fun houses and then the killers will get so disoriented they won't be able to kill anyone
|
|
#
?
May 28, 2022 19:13
|
|
|
Nets
|
|
#
?
May 28, 2022 19:13
|
|
|
Total Party Kill posted:Turn all schools into carnival fun houses and then the killers will get so disoriented they won't be able to kill anyone Get the kids to drill in haunted house tactics, like creepy nursery rhymes and the slamming of unseen doors.
|
|
#
?
May 28, 2022 20:07
|
|
|
Dress the Janitor up like a killer clown "So you wanna make a mess, do yah!? Waaa ha ha ha ha" *Chain saw sounds*
|
|
#
?
May 28, 2022 20:08
|
|
|
Place all schools on top of a hill and put all kids in those oversized hamster ball things. If there's a school shooting they can simply roll down the hill and make it to safety in only a few seconds.
|
|
#
?
May 28, 2022 20:17
|
|
|
Sacrifice the one student per school to the blood god every semester and maybe we can finally get back to normal for Christ sakes. We should have never stopped in the first place.
|
|
#
?
May 28, 2022 20:25
|
|
|
We should get together and pray to the God of the Bible all at the same time for the shootings to stop.
|
|
#
?
May 28, 2022 20:27
|
|
|
Implant tracking chips into all children and teachers. Automated machine gun turrets turn any non chipped individuals to meat salsa. Outsource this to the lowest bidder.
|
|
#
?
May 28, 2022 20:33
|
|
|
Replace schools with zoom channels. Replace everything with zoom channels, actually. Why should anybody go anywhere now that zoom channels exist? They shouldn’t, obviously. This plan has the added benefit of reducing bullying, which hypothetically should lead to fewer kids going Freund on their classmates. One drawback: kids getting abused and neglected at home will have it much worse, but most of them will starve or be beaten to death in the first few months of my plan, so it kind of works it’s self out.
|
|
#
?
May 28, 2022 20:34
|
|
|
Had anyone suggested making mass murder illegal? That seems like a good idea as gun owners are law abiding citizens.
|
|
#
?
May 28, 2022 20:36
|
|
|
One half of the class learns arithmetic and takes care of the class Gerbil. The other half maintains the class Weapons Cache, patrols for trespassers, and guards the door. After recess they switch. Methanar posted:I like this one
|
|
#
?
May 28, 2022 21:22
|
|
|
what we've been doing so far isn't working. we need to escalate to see results therefore from now on everyone is expected to complete a minimum of two (2) thoughts and three (3) prayers per day
|
|
#
?
May 28, 2022 22:07
|
|
|
Look. Hear me out. It's all about wording. We don't HAVE to call them mass shootings; that's just lumping them into one, monolithic malady, and who does that? No. We need to get more granular. If it happens in a school, don't call it a mass shooting, call it 'adolescent discharges incompatible with life'. Church shootings? 'Immaculate Exodeagle-class Homecoming. Concert? 'Pop(a cap) session'! If we do it in this manner, we will be more able to reduce the occurrences of so-called 'mass shootings' and offer more talking points for as many different scenarios as possible; that way the 24-hour news cycle will have too much information to parse and disseminate, allowing incidents that COULD be aligned with mass shootings to fall off the radar a bit faster, ultimately 'reducing' the 'number' of 'mass shootings'.
|
|
#
?
May 28, 2022 22:17
|
|
|
Boarding schools. Kids love Harry Potter, right?
|
|
#
?
May 28, 2022 22:18
|
|
|
It's not a gun problem it's a classification issue. Checks out
|
|
#
?
May 28, 2022 22:18
|
|
|
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=51t1OsPSdBc
|
|
#
?
May 28, 2022 22:24
|
|
|
Build schools out of antiguns so the moment anyone brings a gun the whole building and surrounding countryside disappears with an earth shattering blast
|
|
#
?
May 28, 2022 22:30
|
|
|
Unleash packs of feral pitbulls into neighborhoods everywhere. Anyone they swarm and kill was obviously a bad person planning nefariousness. Pibbles have a sixth sense about this.
|
|
#
?
May 28, 2022 22:43
|
|
|
Install Doom-style monster closets in schools that release packs of underfed feral pitbulls on people who are unfortunate enough to activate the appropriate level trigger.
|
|
#
?
May 28, 2022 22:45
|
|
|
Shooter:"whoa, they left that chain gun just sitting there on that glowing pedestal? Aight I'm grabbing that poo poo" *Sound of piston driven trap door opening followed by the aggressive barking and snarling of a half-dozen dogs*
|
|
#
?
May 28, 2022 22:49
|
|
|
Make bullets that only kill legal adults
|
|
#
?
May 28, 2022 22:50
|
|
|
Legally classify school children as Police Officers so that SHOOTING DEATHS are finally higher than COVID, CAR CRASH, and FAT MAN HAS HEART ATTACK when you Google "Is Police Officer A Dangerous Job".
|
|
#
?
May 28, 2022 23:07
|
|
|
|
| # ? Jun 8, 2024 09:57 |
|
|
Give schoolchildren the right to vote
|
|
#
?
May 29, 2022 01:11
|
|