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Tokyo Sexwale posted:making Dwight look bad over a period of ten years, as a prank "Can you guys edit this thing to make Dwight look really bad? You know, make him really dumb but also full of himself, maybe even have him fire off a gun at one point." Jim isn't talking to anyone, he's in an empty room surrounded by the cameras that have recently finished filming the documentary about Dunder Mifflin. "Great, in fact I know a guy we can use for some reshoots for Dwight's scenes. You guys ever see House of 1000 Corpses?" Still alone, Jim begins editing the raw footage. "Yeah, that's real good. And let's make sure everyone thinks my pranks are cool and funny." Jim mugs for the camera. "Wait! That's great, I'll put that in every episode!"
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Jun 2, 2022 19:02
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| # ? Jun 10, 2024 07:39 |
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Jim hires a voice actor to redub some of Dwight's statements, and hires an editor to splice the thousands of hours of footage down to the 23 minutes where Dwight seems short tempered or slightly curmudgeony (in response to Jim blasting him in the face with a firehose of banana cream pie filling). He hires a body double to cover many shots of Jim from behind (finding a wig that is "floppy" enough to be believable turns out to be a huge struggle) and turns the documentary into a strange love triangle situation. Weirdly, "The American Office" is somehow able to make Jim look like a sympathetic lovelorn young man, playing harmless funny pranks while pining for the girl in reception. (The girl in reception is "Gadget" from Rescue Rangers, and her fiancé, Zipper, is portrayed as a violent brutish dullard in Jim's cut of the film).
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Jun 2, 2022 19:34
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Jim poaches dozens of screech owls over the course of several weeks. Once he has enough, Jim releases the entire flock into the conference room just at the moment where Dwight is about to close a deal with an important client.
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Jun 2, 2022 20:36
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Jim poaches dozens of eggs over the course of several hours. Once he has enough, Jim hacks Dwight's world hunger livestream and streams himself flushing the eggs down the toilet.
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Jun 2, 2022 20:38
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Jim shows up to work wearing an entire rhinoceros horn (poached) around his neck on a gold chain. Dwight, trapped in a solid block of transparent resin from the nose down, can only watch, powerless, as Jim uses the erotic powers of the horn to seduce Angela.
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Jun 2, 2022 20:42
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Jim sends Dwight on a treasure hunt to the lost city of Ligma.
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Jun 2, 2022 23:21
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Jim vows to "go all out" because he "loves grilled cheese sandwiches." Jim commissions an architect to build a house made of a giant grilled cheese sandwich, he will eat only grilled cheese for every meal (even lunch!) and wears only grilled cheese related paraphernalia like a leather jacket that says "grilled cheese" on it in rhinestones. In confessional Jim tells the camera that he's doing this because Dwight is sympathy fasting for Ramadan and he knows Dwight loves grilled cheese.
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Jun 3, 2022 03:00
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Dwight Shrute, nearing his death, realizes he was never loved nor has he ever really loved anything or anyone in life. He decides this cannot be the end, so he begins research into arcane magicks and mythology. Finally, at long last, he uncovers the sacred tomb of an ancient pharaoh, and in the tomb his treasure awaits: A lamp with a genie that can grant one wish. One will be all Dwight needs. Rubbing the lamp, a figure emerges and asks what he wishes for, but it must be from the heart or it will not be granted... Dwight, feeling more aged that the desiccated mummy he stole the lamp from, looks down, shamefully. "Genie... I lived a life isolated from my peers, my people. I never knew friendship or trust. I held only disdain in my heart for the flaws in others. I wished... I wish I could live my life, again. This time as a man who was not just smart, but wise. Not just stubborn, but honorable. A man whose pursuits didn't just enrich him, but the world around him." "Such is the state of man, but any man can be great when tested with adversity, but give him power and he will become corrupted. Do you accept the price you'll be expected to pay for this wish?" Dwight considers and says, "I do." "Then I bid you to slumber now, Dwight Shrute, and when you awake, you will be reborn as an innocent child and live a life with that great spirit filling your heart. You shall be a man of power and purity, both. But be warned, I shall see you will forever be tested. Until we meet again, Dwight Schrute..." The Jimie mugs to the all-seeing eye of Horus.
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Jun 3, 2022 03:55
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Jim brings homemade enchiladas to the office, a huge grin on his face. "Hey there AMIGOS, I made us some food! Chow down, I'll go get us some AGUA. That means water." The office just stares at the enchiladas, convinced something must be terribly wrong with them. No one is willing to take the first bite. Jim comes back, now with tears in his eyes. "You... you don't like them? NO BUENO? That means not good, by the way," Jim chokes back more tears, "I'm sorry. I'll just leave." Dwight feels terrible and grabs an enchilada, then takes a huge bite. His head explodes and his headless body thuds to the ground. Jim gets a huge, smug grin on his face. "Wow, I've heard of EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA, but never an explosive head!" Jim mugs for the camera.
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Jun 3, 2022 14:42
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Jim caters Dwight's wedding because Famous Original Jim's (the worst pizza place in all Scranton, possibly all of Pennsylvania) has driven literally every other restaurant out of business in the tri-county area despite its awful pizza due to low, low prices. Jim actually brings a delicious meal preparation kit and cooks mouth-watering steaks or fresh salmon. He dutifully walks from table to table asking if guests would prefer the meat or fish, and takes down their orders. Jim first serves the steaks. They are actually great; grass-fed, humanely-raised prime beef, cooked to perfection. Everyone who ordered fish waits, then someone begins to cough. A few people choke. Suddenly pandemonium reigns, as every guest who ordered fish falls over dead, from the poison that Jim laced in their drinks. "Nobody orders fish while I'm around," says Jim, flipping his sunglasses on like he just delivered an action movie one-liner. Dwight makes a mental note to teach Jim "appropriate methods for expressing opinions" in his "grow Jim into a good person" plan, just as soon as he finishes clearing the bodies of his friends and family.
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Jun 3, 2022 14:51
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A Fancy Hat posted:Jim brings homemade enchiladas to the office, a huge grin on his face. lol dammit, Jim.
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Jun 3, 2022 14:52
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Jim asks Dwight if he likes magic tricks. Dwight, who still sees the wonder and joy in every moment of life, says he does. "Pick a card, any card, you stupid freakin' bastard! Eyyyyy!" Jim's magician persona, Jimmy from Jersey, is annoying but Dwight goes along with this, hoping to see some excellent sleight of hand. Dwight pulls the 8 of diamonds. "Okay, I'm sensing it now. Oh wait, that's just my dear Momma's gabagool! Eyyyy I'm just messin' witcha, I can tell what it is." Suddenly, 8 diamonds appear above Dwight's head and land with a thud. He winces in pain but is shocked at Jim's incredible trick. "Now den, we got one more twist to this trick, ya freakin' balloon boy stooge bastard! Take a close look at those diamonds." Dwight looks closely and notices that, sealed inside each diamond, is a deceased member of his family. The tiny versions of his dearly departed howl in pain and anguish, and Dwight demands Jim explain what is going on. "Ey! It's freakin' magic, quit bustin' my balls!" Jim disappears into a cloud of marinara sauce, leaving Dwight with 8 diamonds containing the souls of his family.
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Jun 3, 2022 15:47
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Jim walks into Dunder Mifflin and neglects to hold the door open for Andy. "I guess chivalry is dead," quips Andy. Jim's face opens up like the panels of a cuckoo clock and a boxing glove on a spring shoots out and breaks Andy's jaw.
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Jun 3, 2022 18:05
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Dwight holds the door open for Kevin, who huffs that "At least some people haven't forgotten about chivalry! In retaliation, Jim travels back in time and arranges for a horse to kick Dwight in the head, condemning him to a lifetime of holding doors until his death barricading the front doors of Dunder Mifflin during a zombie attack (Jim also is responsible for the zombies, in an unrelated prank).
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Jun 3, 2022 18:14
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poisonpill posted:Dwight holds the door open for Kevin, who huffs that "At least some people haven't forgotten about chivalry! John Krasinski leans back and cracks his knuckles. Another fantastic draft completed in his sprawling, multi-thousand page epic series of novels about a world in which chivalry is dead. He just finished the fifth of seven planned novels. Rainn calls, and John answer the phone. "Oh, hey buddy! Yup, just finished the latest draft. Oh, yeah. For sure, for sure. Gonna get riiiiight to work on the sixth book. Should only take a year or so to get it out, yeah, wouldn't want to leave you, or any other of my fans, hanging." John smirks as he hangs up and takes a selfie.
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Jun 3, 2022 18:16
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Jim nails every door shut, trapping everyone outside of Dunder Mifflin, including himself. "Well, I guess chivalry is dead," sighs an exhausted Ryan. Jim then silently walks over to the front door and knocks. A booming voice issues forth from within the now barricaded Dunder Mifflin. "OPEN THE GATE! SO SAYETH KING JIM!" The side of the building then unlocks itself and lowers to the ground like a drawbridge, two massive steel chains guiding it. The drawbridge smashes every car in the parking lot, and Jim gallantly walks over to the open door. He steps onto it and taps his foot 3 times. The same booming voice comes again. "CLOSE THE GATE! SO SAYETH KING JIM!" Jim slowly walks into Dunder Mifflin as the side of the building raises back up again, turning the building into a barricaded fortress again. The staff of Dunder Mifflin watches all of this in awe. "Is everybody else seeing this poo poo?" asks Oscar, "What the hell is going on here, people?" Jim appears on the roof of the building, where he silently lifts an arm above his head, then quickly drops it down. "FIRE THE ARROWS! SO SAYETH KING JIM!" Dozens of flaming arrows issue forth from unseen archers on the roof, falling upon the assembled Dunder Mifflin crew. Dwight quickly moves everyone out of the way, but takes a single arrow to his calf in the process. He grits his teeth and yanks it out, then bandages it with his tie. Another volley of arrows, but the staff is huddled near the building and is safe from the barrage. Dwight tells everyone that he's going to make a run for it to get help, and launches across the parking lot. As he does, he hears a catapult launch, firing something massive into the air. Dwight tries to dodge it but it's too late, he's crushed by a massive mahogany desk that King Jim has authorized the launch of. The drawbridge opens again and Jim calmly strolls out, walking over to the crushed corpse of Dwight. He examines it for a moment, then mugs for the camera. "I guess chivalry loves mahogany!" A quiet "Booo" is heard from the direction of Oscar, but Jim continues mugging, extremely proud of this bizarre proclamation.
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Jun 3, 2022 19:07
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Eager to enjoy a quiet lunch, Dwight heads into the breakroom with a delicious burger from "Now You're Burgin' With Power", a new retro gaming styled burger joint in Scranton. The burger is delicious, and Dwight is happy he upgraded from the 8-bit burger to the 16-bit combo, which included fries and a milkshake. As he finishes eating, Jim comes into the break room. "Hey, loser! Did you know that Sega does what Ninten-DON'T?" Jim then strips nude, except for a pair of red tennis shoes, and sprays his body with blue body paint. "GOTTA GO FAST!" Jim squeals, as he runs out the door. Dwight is nonplussed, this is a pretty basic prank for Jim and didn't even physically harm anyone. The next day, Dwight orders from the same restaurant, but this time orders the Wall Chicken, a Castlevania-themed roast chicken dish. Jim shows up, nude except for a white t-shirt with a red exclamation point on it. "Flying lessons? What for?" Jim hops and flies out of the room, again leaving Dwight completely unharmed. Dwight realizes that he can live with pranks like this, and has a silent moment of contemplation about what that means. Dwight finishes his chicken in silence. Dwight orders the Space Pirate Pasta the next day, again prompting a visit from Jim. This time, Jim is entirely nude, but has painted his body green. "Remind me never to drink the water at Jerry Garcia's house party!" Jim scampers out the breakroom. Dwight decides to catch up to Jim and ask him why he's dressing up as random video game mascots in completely harmless pranks. Jim, still dressed as Gex, just stares. "What the hell is a video game mascot?" A confused Jim stares at the camera.
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Jun 3, 2022 19:26
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In the stop-motion universe, Clay Jim turns a heat lamp on in order to melt Clay Dwight. Nearly the entire budget of the short film is spent on a close up shot of Jim mugging for the camera, which lasts for 9 minutes and involves nearly a dozen artisans manipulating a 14 foot tall clay Jim face. "This won an Oscar?" "No, Oscar, it won a Jimmy!" Jim then bashes Oscar on the head with his Jimmy award for best short film. This Jim also mugs for the camera.
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Jun 3, 2022 19:50
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Dwight bites into a meatball sub and recoils as his teeth hit something rubbery. Of course, Jim has replaced the meatballs with rubber bouncy balls. "Those aren't the only balls I've replaced, buddy boy!" Jim pulls down his pants and two super bouncy balls plop out and bounce across the floor.
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Jun 3, 2022 19:58
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I would eat at "Now You're Burgin' With Power."
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Jun 3, 2022 23:43
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Jim begins making terrible early 2000s redneck standup jokes all day at work. When Dwight mentions he's leaving for a sales meeting, Jim loudly shouts "GIT 'ER DONE" and then furiously winks at the camera. In a confessional later that day the producers ask Jim what he's doing, he makes vague references to the "Jews who control Hollywood" before erotically eating a hotter than hot pizza.
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Jun 4, 2022 00:10
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Elon Musk sends an email to all Dunder Mifflin employees saying that he's firing 10% of the staff because he feels "really poopy about the economy."
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Jun 4, 2022 00:13
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Was he dressed as Waluigi tho?
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Jun 4, 2022 01:59
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Jim comes to work dressed as a giant penguin. "Jim is this because I asked you to 'cool it' yesterday?" asks Dwight. In response, Jim takes a long drag from a KOOL cigarette and blows a huge cloud of smoke in Dwight's face. While Dwight is coughing, Jim shits on his shoes. "I've heard of 'crappy feet,' but this is ridiculous!" smirks Jim. Applewhite fucked around with this message at 03:40 on Jun 4, 2022 |
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Jun 4, 2022 02:29
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It's the day after a major prank explosion and Dwight is feeling a little more at ease. Things around the office are normal, almost chipper Jim appears to be focusing on his job and interacting normally with everyone else. The honeymoon period won't last, however. Soon Dwight and everyone in the office will be walking on eggshells again, scared to say anything or do anything that will set Jim off on another pranking spree.
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Jun 4, 2022 04:21
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Dwight is working on some paperwork. "Jim could you hand me a pencil?" Jim turns around in his chair. He has giant pencils for hands. The camera zooms in on Jim's smirking face.
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Jun 4, 2022 04:22
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Also the soundtrack goes "Da na NAT na NA na NA!"
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Jun 4, 2022 04:27
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"Dwight, could you cover for me on Saturday? Pam's aunt just passed and I really need to be there for her at the funeral." Dwight has no problem with this. Although he had his own Saturday plans, he feels for Jim and offers to cover his Saturday shift. "Thanks buddy, much appreciated." As Dwight heads into the office on Saturday morning he sighs. Sure, he agreed to this, but he doesn't have to be happy about it. He and Angela had planned to visit Beetworld, USA - a new beet-themed amusement park that just opened nearby. Oh well, there's always next week. Dwight opens the door and heads into the office, but realizes that he doesn't have Jim's password in order to access some important files that need to be worked on. He grabs his cell phone and calls Jim. "Hello? Dwight, I can barely hear you, there's a roller coaster behind me." Dwight asks where Jim is, and why there would be a roller coaster at a funeral home. "Oh, we did that already. I confirmed - she's dead AND she's not a vampire, so we're okay. Anyway we're at Beetworld USA right now, I gotta get going, the line for the Beets of the World boat ride is wild today!" Dwight asks Jim again for his password, but Jim hangs up. When Dwight calls back, Jim texts him ">  ", indicating he's not happy about getting calls on his "day off". Dwight eventually guesses Jim's password (it's 'PasswordJim69lol') and finishes the work he (Jim) had been assigned. It's 7 pm by the time Dwight gets home.Angela greets Dwight and asks if they should order the tickets to go to Beetworld next week. Dwight perks up but then a breaking news story appears on the TV. Beetworld USA has been shut down permanently after a "ghoulishly thin man" sued them for $500 million after getting sick on the Spinning Beets ride. The news gets a statement from the man, which they read in full. "Yeah I think this place needs shut down. Who likes beets? Morons. Who likes amusement parks? Even bigger morons. So I'm shutting this place down for the public good, you're welcome, Scranton!" The news then adds that the man specifically asked them to post the following picture, and warns that children and those with weak constitutions may want to turn away. A photo of Jim, mugging for the camera, is displayed.
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Jun 4, 2022 11:19
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Dwight realizes that paper sales don't even have "Saturday shifts" and the very request itself was also a prank
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Jun 4, 2022 13:59
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poisonpill posted:Dwight realizes that paper sales don't even have "Saturday shifts" and the very request itself was also a prank Yeah I was here asking myself why would there be a Saturday shift in the office of a paper company.
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Jun 4, 2022 14:08
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Jim is nominated by corporate leadership to come up with a new schedule for the office workers, seeking to increase productivity. Jim creates a new, 5-shift work day designed to "optimize sales and other intangibles". Jim will work first shift, from 9 am to 9:01 am. Then the rest of the office, minus Dwight, will work from 9:01 am to 5:01 pm. Dwight then picks up the final three shifts, from 5:01 pm to 8:59 am. When Dwight complains, Jim labels him a "troublemaker" and suggests he find another job. Dwight confronts Jim, asking what value there is to working a shift outside of regular office hours when presumably most of their customers will also be out of the office. "Well, Dwight, I don't know what to tell you. I guess I'm sorry you don't see the vision for the future of Dunder Mifflin that Corporate and I believe in. Your generation just doesn't have the work ethic any more, and I'm not blaming you, but it's pretty much your fault we needed to roll this out in the first place. And now you're leaving us? Wow. Just... wow. Hey, everybody? Everyone, a quick announcement! Dwight Schrute has decided to betray us and leave, all because he can't handle a slight shift in his schedule. Boo hoo! Everyone cry for poor Dwight!" Dwight walks out silently. Then Oscar stands up and does the same. This prompts Kevin and Angela to join. More and more join until Jim is left alone in the office except for Andy. "Hey Tuna! Looks like we're burning the midnight oil, pal! Hey, tuna in oil, that sounds pretty good! Bet Pam loves to roll her Tuna in some oil, huh? A little raw tuna, make a sushi roll!" Jim looks around as Andy rolls into an acapella version of "Let it Go" where he just says "Sushi Roll" instead. Jim looks out the window and sees Dwight and the other workers embracing and driving away. Andy's still singing. Heading into the bathroom, Jim can still hear the muffled lyrics through the bathroom door. He looks at the mirror over the sink and mugs. His reflection mugs back and, for a moment, Jim wonders if that how it feels for everyone else when he mugs at the camera. Andy is now launching into a medley of Cranberries songs. Jim silently walks back to his desk and sits down. Lots of emails already. Corporate wants to know how the new shift is looking, and they need a finalized schedule in the next 4 hours. Guess he and Andy will cover everything. They'll eventually hire new people, Jim's sure of it. "Hey Tuna, bet you can't sing as loud as me. Okay ready go!" Andy launches into an ear-splitting rendition of the Love Boat theme song. Jim shuts off his screen, the black mirror now reflecting a broken man.
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Jun 4, 2022 14:27
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Jim logs onto PrickTok, the social media platform that caters exclusively to pranking enthusiasts, and describes his latest prank in excruciating detail. "Trik Report::!! Heeeeeeyooo numbuntz, its ya boi JIM here with another awesome prank on the beet boy. It all started when I said he was goinna hafta work (this dude is a LOSER who SELLS PAPER LOL) all night. he was basically crying and begging me to change his shifts back, but I said "NOPE" So anyway he worked all night for like months before he stopped showing up. I htink he killed himself or quit or whatever. who knows!" Jim posts and stays up half the night reading responses to his prank, which largely include the cry-laugh emoji and the eggplant emoji. Jim is definitely getting older, the wrinkles around his eyes are getting deeper and his hair is starting to thin. The scruffy 5 o'clock shadow is now mostly grey. Jim turns off the monitor and sees himself in the reflection. "It was a good prank," he tells himself. "It was a good prank." Jim mugs himself in the reflected screen.
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Jun 4, 2022 14:46
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Jim installs a pneumatic tube that begins at his desk and then ends at Dwight's desk. The entire tube is nearly 37 miles long and winds through the building and across various rooftops of Scranton. Each time Dwight asks for a file, Jim puts it in the tube. "You'll get it in about 24-48 hours, buddy." Jim mugs for the camera every time.
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Jun 4, 2022 15:03
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jim undergoes breast augmentation and starts wearing very low-cut tops. dwight is given pause for a second upon seeing jim's new bosom for the first time, but he is neither disturbed by jim's visible gender variance, nor particularly titillated by it. nonetheless, jim declares how totally pranked dwight is by this, and jugs for the camera.
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Jun 4, 2022 16:35
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Jim screams and cries at lunch because Pam didn't pack him the leftover pizza slice with the big dough bubble. He smashes the break room vending machine and throws the microwave onto the floor, destroying it. The rest of the office angrily glares at Pam for causing this to happen.
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Jun 4, 2022 17:26
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Jim rides a tricycle into the office with a backpack full of fireworks and Dwight knows it's going to be a rough day.
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Jun 4, 2022 17:34
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Dwight wakes up one morning to find his farmhouse is floating 35,000 feet in the air, suspended by a collection of several hundred-thousand party balloons. Dwight screams in panic and terror as he and his home float ever upward into the highest reaches of Earth's atmosphere. Back on the ground, Jim squints as he watches Dwight's house drift farther away, becoming the tiniest speck against an endless blue sky. Jim takes a pen and scribbles on a notebook. The words "UP - ACCOMPLISHED" are feverishly circled.
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Jun 4, 2022 17:41
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At the annual Dunder Mifflin Christmas party held at Dave & Busters, Jim devises a prank to steal all of Dwight's tickets. Dwight, however, isn't one for arcade games and finds the whole thing to generally be a headache. Frustrated with Dwight for not playing any games and ruining his plan, Jim steals Dwight's wallet and throws it into a basketball toss game, straight through the hoop. While Dwight apologizes profusely to the underpaid employee tasked with retrieving the wallet, Jim mugs the camera.
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Jun 4, 2022 20:17
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Jim won't stop eating spaghetti at his desk. He sprays marinara everywhere and Dwight keeps finding parmesan cheese in his keyboard. Things come to a head when Jim—rubbing his hand eagerly as he's about to dig into a mountain of spaghetti capped with a meatball the size of an apple—suddenly sneezes. The sneeze propels the meatball on an improbable journey that takes it all the way across town, along the highway to Dwight's farm where Mose gobbles it up and becomes violently ill.
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Jun 5, 2022 02:39
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| # ? Jun 10, 2024 07:39 |
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Mose has to go to the Animal Hospital. Meredith, for some reason, is already there. She shrugs, but she and Mose exchange a look. The Vet mugs at the Camera.
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Jun 5, 2022 18:31
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