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Cosmic Jim peeks into Universe 56849, wondering why he's felt no pranking activity and assuming it's because this universe's Jim must have cooked up something really good that takes a long time to implement. Peeking through the void between time and space, Cosmic Jim sees Jim and Dwight quietly working at their desks. The office is well organized, clean, and almost silent. Cosmic Jim looks towards what should be Michael's office. Behind the glass, Charles Miner looks back at him. Right back at him.
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Jun 14, 2022 18:22
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| # ? May 30, 2024 02:39 |
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now we're cooking
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Jun 14, 2022 18:28
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Cosmic Jim sends a tactical prank force of hundreds of Tiny Jims to wreak havoc on the Charles Minor timeline. Sending their coming, Charles straps on his katana.
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Jun 14, 2022 18:51
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Instead of pranking Charles directly, the feral pack of Tiny Jims place a call to the Scranton Police Department reporting a suspicious man in the Dunder Mifflin office (their tiny, peeping voices make them sound like children). In the ensuing SWAT raid Charles is killed and Stanley is badly beaten and arrested for disturbing the peace. Dwight, a staunch believer in backing the blue, reluctantly agrees with the police response.
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Jun 14, 2022 18:53
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Raku posted:Cosmic Jim peeks into Universe 56849, wondering why he's felt no pranking activity and assuming it's because this universe's Jim must have cooked up something really good that takes a long time to implement. 
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Jun 14, 2022 19:20
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Farg posted:now we're cooking
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Jun 14, 2022 21:15
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Jim invents an oven that runs on farts just so he can make a "now we're cooking with gas!" joke and serve Dwight a stinky burger. Dwight points out that Jim's fart-powered oven may just solve the world's fuel crisis. He asks if he can take a look at the oven and reverse-engineer it. Jim throws the oven into a crucible of molten iron and then eats the blueprints while staring Dwight dead in the eyes.
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Jun 14, 2022 21:50
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Jim keeps putting on magic rings without first using a Scroll of Identify, accumulating several horrific curses. He won't stop doing it no matter how much Dwight begs.
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Jun 14, 2022 22:08
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jim kicks a sink, and then quaffs from the resultant fountain. 1d6 water moccasins converge on dwight and bite him to death
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Jun 14, 2022 22:10
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Jim poops on Dwight's desk. Dwight is horrified and disgusted. He complains to Michael, but when Michael examines the poop, he discovers it is a fake novelty poop. Michael chides Dwight for being so easily fooled. Jim, who crammed fake poop up his butt just so he could poop it out later onto Dwight's desk, smirks victoriously at the camera.
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Jun 14, 2022 22:12
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Jim vows to "go all out" because "[he] want[s] . . . to get cancelled." Dwight assumes that Jim is talking about getting cancelled from social media, but actually the full quote from Jim was: "I promise to go all out because I want Battlestar Galactica to get cancelled." Dwight is thus caught off guard when Battlestar Galactica is unexpectedly pulled from streaming a month later as a result of Jim retweeting several controversial statements by Katee Sackhoff criticizing the Church of Latter Day Saints.
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Jun 14, 2022 22:25
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Jim purchases several hundreds of dollars' worth of hissing cockroaches but forgets to punch holes in the tops of their containers and mostly transports them in repurposed drums formerly used to store acetone and turpentine, so by the day of the prank Dwight rips up the floorboards (part B of the prank involves tricking Dwight into digging up the floor of Dunder Mifflin looking for Dunder's gold) only to find the floor full of dead cockroaches instead of live ones as planned.
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Jun 14, 2022 22:30
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Dwight stubs his toe. Jim pulls out a tiny violin from his pocket and plays a mournful tune using his thumb and forefinger. The song is so soulful and sad it moves everyone in the office to tears. Jim does this every time Dwight suffers even the slightest inconvenience. Everyone in the office sobs and sniffles, crying rivers of tears for Dwight's pain. Eventually they can't take it anymore and beg Dwight to leave because just looking at him makes them feel sad. Dwight leaves with a heavy heart. Jim plays him out. The song is so sad it starts to rain. Jim looks at the camera with tears shining in his eyes.
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Jun 14, 2022 22:36
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Jim uses his Bungee Gum, which has the properties of both rubber and gum, to glue Dwight's hands to his, Dwight's, crotch.
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Jun 15, 2022 00:29
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How tall are Tiny Jims?
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Jun 15, 2022 00:41
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Upgrade posted:How tall are Tiny Jims? I picture them as being like as big as an action figure.
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Jun 15, 2022 01:30
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Jim conscripts a bunch of Tiny Jims to reenact Small Soldiers with Dwight playing Phil Hartman's role.
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Jun 15, 2022 01:32
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Charles Miner barks a short, clipped “Nope!” and all the Tiny Jims stop playing drums, trombones, and other marching band instruments and quietly, apologetically file out of the building.
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Jun 15, 2022 01:46
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Charles Miner sees spaghetti Jim in his desk eating a huge bottomless plate of spaghetti (again) and orders him to eat it in the break room. Spaghetti Jim waddles to it while trying to mouth "I'm sorry", but as his mouth is full of sauce, he spittles it all over Dwight's desk. Seeing the opportunity for a quip, Jim turns to Dwight, however Charles firmly says "Now!", and Jim promptly hurries to the break room. "Talk about being on the sauce, eh Dwight?" Charles says to Dwight. Dwight is alarmed.
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Jun 15, 2022 01:58
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I'm the new guy hoping to help in the writers room.
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Jun 15, 2022 02:20
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 Just how I imagined it.
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Jun 15, 2022 02:46
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The Awesomesaurus posted:
tag urself, I'm center-left furtive Jim
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Jun 15, 2022 03:08
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I'm the Jim using a second plate to eat off the first plate in the top right.
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Jun 15, 2022 03:16
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Jun 15, 2022 03:32
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Dwight flees through the forest at night, not daring to look back. Jim is in hot pursuit, sprinting while he holds a plate of spaghetti balanced on one hand. With his other hand, Jim shovels wads of spaghetti into his inhuman maw. His eyes are wild, like those of a beast.
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Jun 15, 2022 03:34
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This is also canonically now how our translucent, sickly Jim looks on a daily basis as he skulks around the office
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Jun 15, 2022 03:35
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The Awesomesaurus posted:
Jim Halpert and Elon Musk (dressed as waluigi) recreating the spaghetti scene from Lady and the Tramp. Applewhite fucked around with this message at 03:45 on Jun 15, 2022 |
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Jun 15, 2022 03:35
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Jun 15, 2022 03:40
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Jim, afraid that a Tiny Jim will rise and steal his power, the same way Jim killed and stole power from Michael, seizes and eats all the Tiny Jims. Dwight, feeling pity, hides a Tiny Jim until he is strong by enough to challenge Jim
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Jun 15, 2022 03:48
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Jim buys Dwight two tickets to what he says is a Christian Rock concert but actually they're tickets for Chris Rock in Concert.
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Jun 15, 2022 03:48
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poisonpill posted:Jim, afraid that a Tiny Jim will rise and steal his power, the same way Jim killed and stole power from Michael, seizes and eats all the Tiny Jims. Tiny Jim hatches a scheme to feed Jim a rock covered in mustard to make Jim vomit up all the other Tiny Jims. At the last second, Tiny Jim feeds the rock to Dwight instead. "I've heard of a mustard yellow shirt, but a mustard yellow ROCK?" quips Tiny Jim as Dwight doubles over and vomits all over the floor. Tiny Jim smirks at the camera as Jim snatches him up and eats him.
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Jun 15, 2022 03:50
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Dwight walks into the bathroom and sees Jim, nude except for red tennis shoes, squatting over the bathroom sink cleaning himself. For the crime of seeing him (Jim) bathing, Jim transforms Dwight into a hart. Dwight tries to flee but a pack of Tiny Jims chase him down and tear him to shreds, eating him like a big plate of spaghetti.
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Jun 15, 2022 04:01
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The carnival is in town and Dwight and Angela are enjoying a night out. Angela has a huge cotton candy as big as her head and Dwight leads a red balloon on a string. A carnival barker calls out to them. "Hey there, balloon boy! Win something for your girlfriend?" The carnie beckons. Dwight tries to demure but Angela tugs at Dwight's elbow. "The state senator won me one of those giant stuffed cats," says Angela, pointedly. Dwight picks up on the veiled threat. Win something for me or the date is over. "Three rings for a dollah! That's just a dollah for three rings!" says the carnie. Dwight slaps a dollar down on the counter and picks up his rings, surveying the targets. At first he's laser focused on the pegs, winding up for a toss, his focus breaks at the last second when he realizes what he's tossing for. His first shot sails wide, bouncing off a familiar-looking stapler encased in jello. Dwight's eyes dart around the booth. He spots his nameplate, his phone, his pencil cup. And not just office supplies, either. Up on the top shelf he spots the TV from his house and his espresso machine. Dwight turns to the carnie. "Hey, what—" Dwight notices for the first time that the carnie running the ring toss booth is Jim wearing a handlebar moustache and straw hat. Jim mugs at Dwight before reaching up with his cane and unhooking a latch. The metal awning over the booth comes crashing down on Dwight's head as Jim flees the booth, giggling like a madman as he disappears into the night.
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Jun 15, 2022 04:46
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Jim calls the police on Dwight for a noise complaint in retaliation for Dwight calling the police on Jim for trying to steal the Hope Diamond.
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Jun 15, 2022 05:17
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Dwight turns on his computer and discovers Jim has changed Dwight's desktop to a composite portrait of Jim smirking at the camera made up of thousands of photos of Jim smirking at the camera.
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Jun 15, 2022 05:19
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Dwight tries to turn on his computer but is flummoxed when it doesn't turn on. The IT guy shows up a few hours later and discovers Dwight's PC tower is just a hollow case with a Polaroid photo of Jim smirking inside. A chill goes up Dwight's spine. Jim has been dead for eight months.
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Jun 15, 2022 05:40
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i thought the tiny jims were like 28mm heroic scale. dwight carefully and diligently paints his custom-converted Ork army while jim kits out his tiny jims in garishly smeared monocolour armour and Tau weapons, and wipes the floor with him (dwight)
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Jun 15, 2022 10:20
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Jim listens in to a phone conversation Dwight is having with his cousin Bertha. Dwight mentions that Bertha "is the richest woman in Pennsylvania" and Jim suddenly stands up. Jim walks over to Pam's desk, pulls out divorce papers (seemingly from thin air), and then walks out the door. Dwight is still on the phone with Bertha when he hears someone knocking on her door. 8 months later, Bertha and Jim are to be married. Although skeptical, Dwight supports his cousin and acts as the officiant at the wedding. Everything goes extremely well, with Jim being more charming than he's been since Season 1 or 2 of the documentary. Dwight shakes Jim's hand and wishes him good luck in the marriage. Jim mugs at him, but just for a moment, and Dwight doesn't notice it. "Alright Bertha, where's the family fortune? I have a down payment on a bunch of hissing cockroaches and the final payment's due tomorrow!" "Family fortune? Jim, honey, we're not rich! But what does it matter, when we have each other?" "Wait. Dwight said you were the richest woman in Pennsylvania! He never lies!" "Oh, you know Dwight! He meant I was the richest IN SPIRIT, since money means nothing to him. Didn't you see the t-shirt he was wearing at the rehearsal dinner?" Jim thinks back. Oh yeah, Dwight was wearing a shirt that said "capitalism makes fools of us all". Jim files for divorce but due to the prenuptial (which Jim forced Bertha to sign), half of Jim's future earnings go to Bertha for the rest of his (Jim's) life. "Jeez, talk about a half off sale!" Jim says, sadly, as he moves into a studio apartment on top of Famous Original Jim's. His new apartment constantly smells like bad pizza and his race car bed, his prized possession, doesn't fit in the door. Jim is forced to sell the admittedly pretty cool bed and sleeps on an air mattress instead.
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Jun 15, 2022 13:09
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Jim gets 9 of his Tiny Jims to perform a coordinated dance to a sea shanty, then posts it on his Tik Tok account (HoldMeCloserTinyJimmer). The video becomes a huge hit, with people wondering what kind of editing magic Jim performed to have such a flawless scene. Jim doubles down on this, releasing over a dozen videos with the tiny Jims performing coordinated dances to sea shantys. Each one is a huge hit and Jim becomes extremely wealthy from his online fame. One night, Jim is counting a pile of money. "Alright, Tiny Jims. I have a great idea for a NEW video. The 9 of you will dance a coordinated dance to a new sea shanty!" The 9 Tiny Jims stand there, stone-faced, looking at Jim. "When are we getting some of that money, Jim?" "Uh, how about when you're tall enough to ride the Tea Cups at Disney World, little guy?" Jim laughs. The 9 Jims look at each other, then one pulls out a Tiny knife. "I don't think you understand, Tall Jim. That wasn't a suggestion. WHEN are we getting some of that money?" Jim mugs at the Tiny Jims. The Tiny Jims mug back, aggressively. "Alright guys, let's not do anything too -" Jim is cut off as the Tiny Jims leap onto him, plunging their Tiny knives into his flesh. "Ow! Talk about a little prick!" Jim tosses one of the Tiny Jims across the room and he lands with a thud. Jim rushes over and stomps on him. "Jeez, talk about stepping all over the little guy!" says the Tiny Jim in his last breath. Regular Jim has to admit that's pretty funny. One of the Tiny Jims shoves a paperclip in Jim's ear, puncturing his ear drum. Jim howls in pain and falls to his knees, but then grabs two more Tiny Jims and crushes them in his hands. He grabs another and bites him in half, then does a Macho Man Randy Savage impersonation while shouting "Snap into a Slim Jim! OOOOOH YEAH!" The 5 remaining Jims let out tiny yelps of horror and drop off of Jim. "Now then, Tiny Gentlemen, are we all on the same page?" "Y-yes boss!" the Tiny Jims say in unison. "Good. Now then, line up boys. We need 4 more Tiny Jims for this song to work!" From their home inside the cavernous Halpert House, 4 more Tiny Jims line up in front of Jim. He points to a spot on the floor in front a camera on a tripod. And then he hits the music. There once was a ship that put to sea, and the name of the ship was the Jimmy O' Tea... The 9 tiny Jims begin their coordinated dance. Inside the heart of one of them, the fires of revolution begin to burn brighter.
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Jun 15, 2022 14:23
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| # ? May 30, 2024 02:39 |
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When asked why he doesn't just use the free cockroaches attracted to the piles of uneaten and unplated spaghetti and marinara sauce that are heaped randomly around Jim's house, Jim replies that the wild cockroaches infesting his house aren't HISSING cockroaches.
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Jun 15, 2022 15:54
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