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Jim offers Dwight a tall glass containing what appears to be delicious choolate milkshake. Apparently not having learned his lesson about accepting food or beverages from Jim, Dwight takes a sip. "This milkshake is very gamey Jim." Dwight exclaims. "Not milkshake Dwight, Jilkshake. Made from fresh jilk, that's Jim milk." Dwight gasps in horror as jim opens his shirt to reveal a breast pump attached to each of his 3 nipples. "Talk about a chestfeeding person, eh Balloon Boy?" Jim mugs the camera.
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Jun 16, 2022 13:50
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| # ? May 30, 2024 09:01 |
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Jim vows to go "all out" because he "wants Dwight to get cancelled." He introduces Dwight to social media and patiently waits for the other (squeaky) shoe to drop.
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Jun 16, 2022 13:57
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"You're not perfect, you're not perfect!" Jim cackles and capers around, pointing at Dwight while dressed in a jester costume. Dwight shrugs off Jim's taunting and tries to focus on his work. Elon Musk arrives at his customary time of eleven a.m. dressed, as per usual, as Waluigi. Musk makes a beeline straight for Dwight's desk and Dwight braces himself for more taunting but to Dwight's surprise, Musk claps Dwight warmly on the shoulder. "I was wrong about you, Dwight. You're a good guy. I'm sorry I gave you such a hard time all these months," says Musk. "We should do lunch sometime. You know I'm looking for someone to take over as head of Dunder Mifflin's social media program..." Musk's compliments leave Dwight more shaken than Jim's barbs ever could. Jim is also shaken, and immediately starts to whine and bawl like a child that he makes bad tweets all the time and deserves praise for it.
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Jun 16, 2022 14:00
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Elon, dressed as Luigi, takes Dwight out to lunch at the "nicest restaurant in the United States". This turns out to be Famous Original Jim's, despite the fact that Elon boarded his private jet and flew from the Dundee-Mifflin office, releasing eight tons of carbon into the atmosphere in order to travel three blocks. Dwight walks. As the "Soouper Salad Up-the-Steaks Pizza for Two" arrives at the table, Elon leans in. "Dwight, I didn't just invite you here to share the best pizza I've ever had in my life. There's something I wanted to ask you." Dwight feels nervous. Elon glances around to make sure they're alone. (The restaurant is completely empty, and indeed has had no customers all day). "Dwight, I want to make you an 'indecent proposal.' I'm tired of this endless culture war, and I'm tired of people constantly posting about it on Twitter. You're the best of us. If you can take a dive, and wade into it, maybe it'll be just enough to stop everyone from posting. That will drive the stock price of Twitter down far enough for me to buy it. Just one tweet about gender conformity, that's all I ask." Dwight is about to object, but Elon continues. "I'll make it worth your while. Your charities? Double their staff. That hospital wing? Build three more. Your renewable beet-energy machine? They'll power every Tesla charger in the world. Just. One. Tweet." Elon pats Dwight on the shoulder and leaves. Dwight sit at the table, brooding. As he thinks, the squeaky shoe machine rolls up to his table, "Another water, sir?"
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Jun 16, 2022 14:12
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Jim is put in charge of an advertising campaign for Dunder Mifflin. Deciding that the best approach is a weird "anti-advertising" approach, Jim sets off into downtown Dunder Mifflin late at night. Jim installs several Lite-Brite displays, each of them saying "DUNDER MIFFLIN BANG!". The Lite-Brites have extra batteries strapped to them and Jim makes sure to install them in highly visible areas, such as under overpasses and on the sides of major landmarks. "Well, I think we're going to see a HUGE explosion in sales from this one!" Jim says, happily, as he installs the final display on the front of the Scranton Court House. "Actually, you know what? Dwight never gets enough credit here. Let me just change this one up a little bit." Jim rearranges the final Lite Brite to say "DWIGHT IS THE BOMB" instead. Jim mugs for the camera and is unable to sleep that night, too excited and eager to see the news the next morning.
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Jun 16, 2022 15:16
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Jim tells Dwight to "quit hogging the limelight!" Dwight doesn't think this is very funny considering his dermatologist prescribed at least two hours of lime-colored light per day to help treat Dwight's dangerously low "vitamin-L." Dwight isn't sure how he got a vitamin-L deficiency but he's sure Jim is responsible. Jim smirks for the camera while closing a drawer to conceal his dermatologist disguise.
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Jun 16, 2022 16:31
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Jim speedruns through his day in under an hour, respawning Dwight in a bikini. Jim mugs for the camera and uploads his run as "JIM SUPER SPEEDRUN UNLOCK 100% COMPLETION!". The thumbnail is his mugging face.
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Jun 16, 2022 16:32
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Jim pays thousands of dollars in bribes for all the service people Dwight interacts with on a regular basis to wear their hair floppy and smirk a lot so that Dwight can't tell them easily apart from Jim in disguise.
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Jun 16, 2022 16:33
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Jim is hundreds of millions of dollars in debt and refuses to pay his contractors and the many people he’s promised money to assist with his pranking schemes. He makes vague statements about being “not satisfied” with the “service”. Yes he continues to rook people into providing him with services, and managing to negotiate more debt from the banks. “I love debt, I’m the king of debt,” he declares. Jim eventually negotiated the bankruptcy of the Ta-JIM-a Hal(pert), a decadent casino in downtown Scranton that continued to lose money after opening. Jim manages to clear most of his personal debt in the transaction, somehow, and leaves other investors on the hook (many of whom die in a helicopter crash). Dwight, who believes in the value of hard work and honoring your word, is vaguely irritated by the entire transaction, despite not being in any way involved or financially affected. That was actually the entire reason Jim did it.
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Jun 16, 2022 16:39
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Jim decides it's time to "raise the steaks" and soups up the elevator at Dunder Mifflin into a trendy pop-up steakhouse. "Hamburger Jim's Soup and Steaks" quickly becomes the hottest ultra-micro steakhouse in Scranton, possibly all of Pennsylvania. Customers are fascinated by the idea of standing in the cramped space while Jim cooks a steak on a tiny stove right before their eyes. Of course it's not long before Jim's haphazard approach to cleanliness begins to cause problems. Steak grease accumulating at the bottom of the elevator shaft attracts swarms of biting rats who cause the first outbreak of bubonic plague in Scranton since 1828. Dwight is forced to come to work in a plague doctor outfit owing to a long dormant Pennsylvania statute requiring a strict dress code for "merchantes of papir" in times of active plague.
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Jun 16, 2022 17:17
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Rainn Wilson decides to "soup up" his life by educating himself and apologizing. https://twitter.com/rainnwilson/status/1537455908485095425?cxt=HHwWgoCjsZiAktYqAAAA
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Jun 16, 2022 19:02
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Lemons giving me lemons aplenty.
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Jun 16, 2022 19:08
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A Fancy Hat posted:Rainn Wilson decides to "soup up" his life by educating himself and apologizing. So IRL: Applewhite posted:Dwight is scolding Jim about leaving marinara sauce in his desk drawers over the weekend, which has attracted hordes of vermin to the office.
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Jun 16, 2022 19:11
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Someone without a ton of cartoon porn in their twitter timeline tweet Dwight's redemption arc at Rainn and tell him we always believed in him.
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Jun 16, 2022 19:15
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Cosmic Jim screeches and recoils from Dwight's self-reflection and personal growth.
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Jun 16, 2022 19:19
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a gang of rampaging Feral Jims, dazzled by the bright light emitting from his, dwight's, smartphone, screech and hoot and break his, dwight's, legs
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Jun 16, 2022 19:34
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Jim "soups up" Dwight's shoes by filling them with vegetable soup.
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Jun 16, 2022 20:08
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Applewhite posted:Cosmic Jim screeches and recoils from Dwight's self-reflection and personal growth. Charles Miner lets the sledgehammer, which he had been wielding single-handed, slip from his hand. It falls to the ground among the innumerable slain Tiny Jims, feral Jims, and Slug Jims. His work is done. A light begins to shine from his eyes, then from his whole body, and Charles Miner dissolves into a stream of rising golden light. His work here is done.
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Jun 16, 2022 20:37
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Jim "soups up" Dwight's life by replacing his (Dwight's) blood with pig's blood soup, leaving him (Dwight) with barely enough hemoglobin to live a tortured existence.
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Jun 16, 2022 20:57
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Jim takes over Dwight's mind. Jwight mugs the camera.
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Jun 16, 2022 20:58
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Dwight is holding an open-air sales meeting with a client at the park. Jim sprints up, grabs Dwight's briefcase and hurls it into a pond.
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Jun 16, 2022 22:45
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Jim re-enacts the Always Be Closing speech in the middle of Dwight’s nieces fourth birthday party.
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Jun 16, 2022 23:27
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Jim re-enacts the You Complete Me speech in the middle of Dwight’s nieces fourth birthday party.
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Jun 16, 2022 23:51
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Jim re-enacts the Milkshake Speech in the middle of Dwight's nieces fourth birthday party.
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Jun 16, 2022 23:55
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Jim re-enacts his infamous “Earthworm Jim” Speech in the middle of Dwight's nieces fourth birthday party.
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Jun 17, 2022 00:44
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Jim recites the entire John Galt speech in the middle of Dwight's nieces fourth birthday party, but replaces the name "John Galt" with "Earthworm Jim."
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Jun 17, 2022 00:48
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Jim decides to "soup up" Dwight's niece's birthday party by replacing the media file of the birthday slideshow with a copy of Videodrome.
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Jun 17, 2022 03:55
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Jim “ups the steaks” at Dwight’s four year old niece’s birthday party by trying to serve Famous Jim’s Original Earthworm Meat Compound, a slurry of ground up earthworms with a different homophobic slogan on the bottom of every package.
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Jun 17, 2022 04:22
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Jim reenacts the battle of Shiloh, playing both a union and Confederate officer at Dwight's 4 year old nieces birthday party
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Jun 17, 2022 04:28
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At Dwight's 4 year old nieces birthday party, Jim gives an impromptu impassioned performance of the St. Crispin’s Day Speech from Henry V, capturing the audience and concluding to tears and rapturous applause (Upstaging Dwight’s magic show)
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Jun 17, 2022 04:43
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Every year, Jim ruins Dwight's 4 year old nieces birthday party so severely that the celebrations have to be cancelled, preventing Dwight's niece from aging a year. Dwight's niece is forever trapped in the folly of youth, never to grow old or wise, never to die.
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Jun 17, 2022 05:18
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poisonpill posted:At Dwight's 4 year old nieces birthday party, Jim gives an impromptu impassioned performance of the St. Crispin’s Day Speech from Henry V, capturing the audience and concluding to tears and rapturous applause drat you, I was about to do this one. Anyway... At Dwight's 4 year old niece's birthday party, Jim re-enacts Churchill's iron curtain speech. Being a Schrute, Dwight's niece is very precocious. She observes that, considering current events in Ukraine, Jim's performance is actually quite apropos. She finishes her observation by saying: "History may not repeat, but it certainly rhymes." As all the other Schrutes nod sagely at the wisdom of youth, Jim mugs the camera.
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Jun 17, 2022 10:14
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jim kicks off another iteration of the "how do you pronounce '.gif'" debate in the office, preventing anyone from getting anything done and making dwight slightly less likely to get his quarterly bonus gim mujs the camera
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Jun 17, 2022 10:18
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jim feeds dwight's AI project a load of erotic fanfiction to taint whatever results he, dwight, was hoping to get
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Jun 17, 2022 10:23
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Jim “soups up” Dwight’s colonoscopy with a four foot length of hose, a gallon of horse dewormer, and a rusty spoon.
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Jun 17, 2022 14:00
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Jim leads a straight pride parade through the office in response to Dwight wearing a rainbow flag pin for Pride Month.
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Jun 17, 2022 15:07
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Applewhite posted:Jim leads a floppy pride parade through the office in response to Dwight wearing a rainbow flag pin for Pride Month. FTFY E: Jim doesn't really understand the concept of sexuality. He thinks being gay is just taking proper care of your hair. jazzyhattrick fucked around with this message at 15:15 on Jun 17, 2022 |
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Jun 17, 2022 15:12
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Everyone in the parade has floppy hair and is scarecrow thin. Their limbs flop around like boneless chickens. Dwight is extremely disturbed.
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Jun 17, 2022 15:14
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Jim declares June to be Prank Month, and declares that he will no longer be ashamed of who he is, and the way he was born. He's a true Prankster, and will from this day forward stop toning down his pranks in order to "fit in with judgmental people." (Jim shoots Dwight a look as he says this).
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Jun 17, 2022 15:18
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| # ? May 30, 2024 09:01 |
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poisonpill posted:Jim declares June to be Prank Month, and declares that he will no longer be ashamed of who he is, and the way he was born. He's a true Prankster, and will from this day forward stop toning down his pranks in order to "fit in with judgmental people." (Jim shoots Dwight a look as he says this). This takes place while the office is having drinks at a local gay bar in honor of Pride Month. While Jim launches into a verbal diatribe about respecting pranksters, the speech is drowned out by the sudden blaring of the song "YMCA" and a screaming, spittle launching Jim swept away by a mob of barely dressed hunks.
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Jun 17, 2022 15:30
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