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Jim stays up all night in Dight's bathroom tweeting about the "show trials" going on in Washington right now, calling the Jan 6 commission "worse than Nuremburg" and saying "when will they (those clowns in washington) indite Zipper the fly for miscegenation????" Jim's tweets are retweeted by Donald Trump's Hitlr account and shared among literal dozens of people (Hitlr being the latest "free speech" platform. Within two weeks it will be defunct and the founders will have vanished with millions of dollars in investor money). Anyway Dwight can't sleep because Jim has the keyboard volume of his phone turned all the way up and the sound of Jim tapping out his tweets is like marbles bouncing on tile. Plus every time he sends out a tweet, it makes a "WHOOSH!" sound like a jet taking off. Applewhite fucked around with this message at 12:02 on Jun 29, 2022 |
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Jun 29, 2022 03:59
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Jim shoots Dwight in the rear end with a squirt gun. A frustrated Dwight tells him that isn't even how the bit he's been doing for a week now goes. Jim mugs for the camera with a squirt gun full of liquid poo poo.
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Jun 29, 2022 05:37
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Ragdoll physics Jim gets caught on Dwight's foot and Dwight can't shake him loose. Jim mugs mindlessly as his head and limbs flop around like crazy.
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Jun 29, 2022 12:33
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Jim "volunteers' the entire office to work on the 4th of July, saying it will help raise productivity. Corporate loves the idea and forces the employees of Scranton to come to work that day. Dwight tries to fight it and even volunteers to do the entire office's work so everyone else can stay home, but corporate leadership sides with Jim and won't budge. Jim calls off that morning because he has caught covid for the 11th time. Nothing gets done at the office because every other business is closed, making sales impossible. Oscar, Kevin, and Angela make a half-hearted attempt to work ahead on some accounting files, but lack any motivation to continue working. Michael apologizes for the "corporate bullshit" and tries to make things right by ordering a nice catered meal for everyone. Offering to pick up the food, Dwight drives out to the best restaurant in Scranton, which his located right next to the amusement park. As he drives past the amusement park, Dwight does a double take. Riding the Scranton Screamer, the wildest rollercoaster in Pennsylvania, is Jim. Jim locks eyes with Dwight and mugs. When Jim returns to work a week later he drops a photograph on Dwight's desk. It's from the 4th of July - the automatic photo taken on the Scranton Screamer. Jim, at the front of the car, is mugging. He's wearing a T-shirt that says "I Lied About Having Covid and All I Got Was This Awesome Day At Scranton Falls Amusement Park!" Dwight sighs but is also impressed with the high quality of the photograph and the very legible text on Jim's shirt.
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Jun 29, 2022 12:56
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Jim contracts Covid while riding the Scranton Screamer, the wildest rollercoaster in Pennsylvania, but decides to come into work anyway, assuming that he’s “already immune” because he’s previously had Covid 10 times, and that his sneezing, scratchy throat, and loss of taste/smell are simply due to “allergies.”
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Jun 29, 2022 13:09
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Dwight and Angela attempt to visit Scranton Falls Amusement Park, but Dwight can't stop thinking about what Jim might have done on his trip there. Did he unscrew some important part of a rollercoaster? Did he poison the cotton candy machine? Did he "soup up" the Arcade to electrocute Dwight if he lost a game? Dwight tells Angela that he cannot, in good conscience, go to the park. Angela is disappointed but understands. In a talking head segment, Jim reveals that he actually just cut Dwight's brake line. "So, no matter what they do, he's getting pranked! Talk about covering your bases!" Jim mugs for the camera.
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Jun 29, 2022 13:22
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"Now that's what I call udder devastation!" Jim smirks as a powerful jet of milk propels Dwight through a fifth story window.
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Jun 29, 2022 13:30
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Jim screams directly into Dwight's face until both of them have to be taken to the hospital.
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Jun 29, 2022 13:41
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Jim “hacks” Dwight’s computer so that the first time he presses the “E” key, he receives a fatal electric shock. He watches in giddy anticipation as Dwight composes an email. “Mr. McDarby, Thank you for your inquiry. I will discount your shipments by 15% for two months. Thanks, Dwight.” The squeaky shoe machine rolls in playing a sad trombone “Wah wah Waaaaah…” as Jim stares at Dwight in disbelief. “Cheese it, Shoe,” he mutters, “you missed your cue!” He reaches over and hits the “E” button to make sure it’s working, and receives 100,000 volts coursing through his body, comically making his skeleton appear as he does ridiculously exaggerated poses. Finally, with a smoking arm, he reaches up and presses the “F” on the keyboard. “Heh, talk about… paying… respects…” Jim says weakly. The squeaky shoe machine stays frozen in the doorway, unsure if it’s a good time to roll in playing the trombone or not. Dwight gives it a furtive head shake, and it noisily rolls backwards out into the hall.
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Jun 29, 2022 13:48
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a desperate Jim begs Dwight to help him out - he’s blown all his money on crypto - and Dwight reluctantly agrees to lend him $15,000. jim withdraws the money and brings it to work the next day, where he lights it on fire in front of Dwight while shouting about “having money to burn”. while Jim cavorts around the office and Dwight rushes to grab the fire extinguisher, the camera zooms in on the window in Michaels office, through which Jim’s car is visible in the parking lot. Inside are sleeping bags, blankets, food wrappers, and the tear streaked faces of two children.
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Jun 29, 2022 14:04
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It's time for an office activity and Jim acts like a sullen child rather than engaging and having fun.
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Jun 29, 2022 14:09
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Jim shows up to work dressed in the finest clothing from 5.11 tactical. He spends the day talking about how he’s a “high speed, low drag operator” who is “mission ready” at all times. When a car backfires in the parking lot he mistakes it for a gunshot and wets himself.
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Jun 29, 2022 14:13
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Because of his tactical clothing and his decorative patches (a waffen SS logo and an iron cross) Jim befriends the local police department and is able to claim self defense after shooting Dwight in the back of the head.
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Jun 29, 2022 14:15
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Libra posted:Jim screams directly into Dwight's face until both of them have to be taken to the hospital. Sometimes it's the simple ones that make you laugh the hardest.
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Jun 29, 2022 14:23
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Jim shows up to work in a Zorb—a man-sized, inflatable ball. Inside he's nude except for a pair of tennis shoes and yellow body paint. "I don't want any of you getting me sick before the big premiere," says Jim. "The only fever I want to catch is Minions fever!" Jim proceeds to pull a syringe out of a cooler inside the Zorb and inject himself with yellow fever. For once, Dwight is thankful that Jim has decided to bring his Zorb to work.
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Jun 29, 2022 15:24
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Jim decides to "soup up" Clown Paper by putting a stack of it into a boiling pot of soup, creating what Jim dubs Clown Soup.
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Jun 29, 2022 15:29
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Jim fills his Zorb entirely with Clown Soup, drowning himself. Nobody knows the best way to dispose of a giant clear plastic ball filled with clown soup and a nude corpse. Dwight and Stanley roll the entire thing out of the office and push it down the stairs. It bursts on the way down, thereby “souping up” the stairwell.
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Jun 29, 2022 15:40
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What the gently caress is Jim's problem?
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Jun 29, 2022 16:08
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he's been driven mad by having to act out everything in this largely unintelligible thread
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Jun 29, 2022 16:23
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After being doused in clown soup for the tenth time this week Dwight finally snaps and asks Jim what his problem is.
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Jun 29, 2022 16:53
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Jim's eyes are baggy. His collar is more loose and rumpled than usual. He smokes three cigarettes at once and there are many more stubbed out in a nearby ashtray. Jim has been up all night trying to work out whether Charles Miner is an agent of the Beetosphere sent to beat him or an agent of the Prankosphere sent to prank him.
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Jun 29, 2022 17:24
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Jim establishes Hitlr, a new social media outlet for the Alt-Right. Misguided protestors burn down the corporate HQ for Hittr, the app that Dwight uses to track baseball stats.
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Jun 29, 2022 19:00
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Elon Musk, dressed as Waluigi, storms into the building and demands that Jim step into his office (It’s eleven in the morning and Jim has only just arrived, despite Jim and Elon both declaring that they each work 90 hour weeks). Elon slams the door behind Jim. “What the HELL are you doing, Jim?” shouts Elon. “You used to be my go-to clutch player! You kept supplying me with hilarious Minions memes, you attached clown paper to the inside of every bathroom stall so that I can look at it while I tweet, and you used to soup up the elevator every day! Now look at you. I can’t even remember the last time you did something funny. It’s all pretty depressing, now, if I’m being honest.” Jim tries to explain that it’s Charles Miner. Miner is behind it all. But Elon is hearing none of it. He demotes Jim back down to Assistant to the Regional Meme Catcher (a newly created position, since Elon couldn’t remember what Jim had been before), and sends him out with an ultimatum to really prank Dwight good in the next thirty days, or else be fired. Jim, hangdog and with his head bowed slinks back to his desk. As he sits down, though, he casts a sly mug toward the camera. All part of the plan.
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Jun 29, 2022 19:04
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Dwight, sick of Jim’s pranks to make it look like he peed his pants, has Michael ban squirt guns from the office. The next time Dwight walks out of the bathroom, however, he feels something wet soaking into his crotch. He looks over and sees Jim, pants down around his ankles, intently aiming and peeing directly onto Dwight.
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Jun 29, 2022 20:17
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Jim arrives at work dressed as Zorg (the villain from the classic Sci-Fi movie "The Fifth Element" as portrayed by oscar winning actor Gary Oldman) Dwight compliments Jim on his, Jim's, choice of outfit. "Nice Zorg costume Jim, The Fifth Element is one of my all time favourite movies." "Why would I ever watch a movie about Boron Balloon Boy? If it's not about Minions, Rescue Rangers or a lack of Moms on a cretain red planet you can safely assume I haven't seen it." Jim mugs the camera aa he destroys the office with a futuristic machine gun, also exactly the same as the one seen in The Fifth Element. Making a working version took up a significant proportion of this month's pranking budget.
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Jun 30, 2022 01:06
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Jim arrives at work in his Zorb, dressed as Zorg. Outside is a giant humanoid robot made out of 5 smaller dinosaur shaped robots. "Talk about only '90s kids will get this reference." Jim quips, mugging the camera.
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Jun 30, 2022 01:10
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Jim wins a Kids Choice award for his YouTube series “Beet Idiot Gets Pranked!!”
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Jun 30, 2022 01:12
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In a 5-4 decision, the Supreme Court rules that "beetricide" (the harvest and/or consumption of beets) is not protected by the constitution. Scranton's anti-beet trigger laws come into effect the very next day and Dwight is banned from harvesting his beet crop. Chief Dogcatcher Jim, who drafted the trigger laws as part of an amendment to regulations on animal diets, mugs for the cameras.
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Jun 30, 2022 03:43
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Pam calls down the stairs. "Jim, it's almost midnight! Are you coming to bed?" "Just five more minutes, sweetie," replies Jim. "I have to finish filling these balloons with Dwight's reclaimed piss!" "Well wash your hands before you come upstairs." Jim smirks for the camera crew which is in his house at midnight to watch him fill balloons with urine Jim collected from Dwight while wearing a toilet disguise. "I'm not going to wash my hands," says Jim. Applewhite fucked around with this message at 03:58 on Jun 30, 2022 |
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Jun 30, 2022 03:55
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Jim challenges Dwight to a bubblegum chewing contest, saying that whomsoever blows the biggest bubble shall win both the title of Assistant Regional Manager, but also the key to the city of Scranton, as well as several thousand pounds of expensive beet fertilizer. Dwight, being a mortal man, accepts the challenge. His beets could use it. On the day of the contest, Jim and Dwight are each given a pile of bubblegum as big as they are. Perhaps amateurishly, Dwight stuffs as much gum as he can into his mouth, and sprains his jaw before he is able to blow a bubble. Angela consoles him, reminding Dwight he didn't need special fertilizer to win Best Beet five years running at the Pennsylvania State Fair. Jim, not willing to let months of special bubblegum training go, manages slowly to cram fifty pounds of gum into his face. Cracking and popping his mighty jaw, he smirks as he begins to blow the biggest bubble gum bubble in recorded history. The bubble is enormous, easily the size of a hot air balloon, and manages to carry Jim up, up up through the sky! Jim beams in his final triumph. Not only has he taken Dwight's honor, he is literally high on his success, flying above the heads of all whoever mocked or doubted him. As soon as he lands, they would have no choice but to welcome him as their new god. Unfortunately, a flock of geese burst Jim's bubble, sending him plummeting two miles down to the cold, hard earth. The geese are fine and are cleaned up by the people who clean up after oil spills. Dwight, having no living competition, is awarded the title of Assistant Regional Manager, and all honors and prizes that accompany it. Michael gets a stomachache from swallowing too much gum, which he should have spit out when he was done with it.
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Jun 30, 2022 06:19
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After Jim died in the gum competition, things changed at Lake Scranton. Every time Dwight went there to relax and enjoy the natural splendor, the local geese would flock toward him aggressively, nipping with their beaks and swatting with their wings. Somehow their feathers began to seem sort of...floppy??
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Jun 30, 2022 06:29
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Dwight's putting the finishing touches on his beet casserole and prepares to set the table for dinner. When he opens up the cutlery drawer, however, he finds that all of his forks are missing. Dwight is forced to use a knife and spoon to enjoy his casserole, which is less than ideal for that sort of dish. As Dwight steps into work the next day, Jim has built a tiny replica of the Eiffel Tower out of forks. Not just any forks, Dwight's forks. "Hey Dwight, go fork yourself!" Jim mugs for the camera.
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Jun 30, 2022 13:33
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Jim puts on a gorilla costume and lumbers around the woods near Schrute farms hoping to be seen by hikers. Sure enough there's a spate of "floppyfoot" sightings and Dwight's beet crop is trampled by looky-lous. Jim mugs for the inexplicably blurry camera.
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Jun 30, 2022 13:57
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Dwight's fancy new ice cream machine allows him to create almost any flavor of ice cream he can imagine, and he eagerly waits for the machine to finish creating a batch of beet ice cream. As the machine whirrs away, Dwight heads to his cutlery drawer to grab a spoon. Unfortunately, he opens the drawer and finds every single spoon is gone. Dwight is forced to eat his ice cream with a fork. The next day at work, Jim has constructed a tiny replica of the Empire State Building made out of spoons. He mugs at Dwight. "Isn't it ironic? Don't ya think? I built this with 10,000 spoons but all I need is a knife!" Dwight sighs as Jim begins climbing the replica while grunting and making gorilla noises. As he nears the top, he slips and falls off. He lands with a nasty thud on the ground. "T'was pranking killed the beast," he says mournfully before starting to giggle, "nah I'm fine. And don't worry Dwight, I made sure to shove all your spoons up my rear end before building this!"
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Jun 30, 2022 14:03
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In the middle of an otherwise normal work day Dwight collapses at his desk and is rushed to the hospital. There he is diagnosed with terminal heart failure and given six months to live. With a heavy heart he decides to spend the time he has left doing the things he loves the most: helping others, farming beets, and selling paper. When he arrives at work the next day he sees Jim already at his desk, a huge grin plastered on his gaunt, skeleton-like face. Seeing Jim so overcome with happiness fills Dwight with rage: he did this, Dwight thinks, it’s his fault, and now he’s happy. With nothing left to lose Dwight decides to confront Jim, accusing him of poisoning him, or shrinking to a microscopic size and damaging his heart, or some other absurd prank or induce heart failure. Jim is taken back by Dwight’s tirade. “First off Dwight, I didn’t know you were sick! That’s horrible. And second, I may be a prankster, but I’m not a monster! I mean… what do you think I did? Spend years sneaking into your beet farm at night to develop a new type of beet which contains, I don’t know, ibuprofen? That, knowing your diet is 75% beets - your own beets - that this would slowly poison you and induce heart failure over time? That’s absurd!” Dwight admits that’s absurd and apologizes to Jim. Later that day in a talking head segment Jim holds up an empty bottle of Advil and a bag of beet seeds. “Yep, that’s exactly what I did!” Upgrade fucked around with this message at 14:41 on Jun 30, 2022 |
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Jun 30, 2022 14:07
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Libra posted:What the gently caress is Jim's problem?
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Jun 30, 2022 14:36
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With only six months to live, Dwight decides that the final prank will be on Jim.
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Jun 30, 2022 14:51
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It's picture day at Dunder Mifflin and everyone looks their best. Erin grins as the photographer snaps her picture in front of an 80s laser backdrop. Everything is going smoothly until Dwight storms in, a look of fury on his face. His upper lip is red and raw. "Ha ha! Very funny, Jim!" says Dwight. "I found the Hitler moustache you superglued to my face last night!" Dwight holds up a ziploc bag with a Hitler moustache inside. "What makes you think it was me?" asks Jim, poker faced. "I know it was you and as soon as I prove it, you're fired!" says Dwight. "I'll check the employee manual but I'm pretty sure gluing a fake moustache to someone isn't a fireable offense." A small smirk plays on Jim's face. Dwight lets out an exasperated growl and stomps off to fix his appearance before he gets his picture taken. Dwight is the last to go. He sits up straight and glares seriously into the camera. The flash pops and a Dwight vacates the chair, shooting Jim a superior look as he passes. A few weeks later, the photos arrive in the mail. Everyone is very pleased with how they've turned out. Michael even has one of his framed and places it on his desk. When Dwight opens the envelope with his photos however... "What...? No! NOOOO! JIM! Michael!" Dwight storms off to get Michael. The camera view from over Dwight's shoulder reveals all his photos show him with a Hitler moustache. In confession cam Jim chuckles. "I painted a Hitler moustache on the lens of the camera," reveals Jim. "The fake moustache I glued to his face was just to slow him down so he'd be the last to get his picture taken." Jim reaches out with a paintbrush and dabs the camera lens. "Boop." When Jim sits back and mugs, it looks like he has a Hitler moustache. Jim winks at the camera.
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Jun 30, 2022 15:02
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“Jim” is the alias he’s used for thirty years, but before that he was Adolfo in Argentina. And before that, well, let’s just say that nobody knows where “Jim” learned to speak German so well.
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Jun 30, 2022 15:25
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| # ? May 29, 2024 21:57 |
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Jim, somehow, has accrued almost 3 months of vacation days and corporate forces him to begin using those vacation days. Jim decides to turn it into a staycation, focusing on dreaming up some really great pranks all day long. When Pam asks if they could do anything romantic together, Jim smiles. "This is romantic, Pam! I'll come up with pranks, and you can keep working at spy on Dwight for me. We're like Superman and Batman, except Batman just works as a receptionist!" On the 3rd day of his vacation, Jim hears a knock at the front door. He rushes over, hoping it's his delivery of fire ants. When he opens the door, however, he's horrified to see a man in a trenchcoat, a scarf covering most of his face, and a beaten up fedora on his head. "Oh poo poo, not ag-" Jim is cut off as the figure wraps a powerful hand around Jim's neck and begins to squeeze. Jim looks over at the only thing in his life he truly cares about, his tiny clownfish swimming in its bowl. The fish mugs at Jim. Jim, filled with a new sense of purpose, breaks free from the chokehold. "Jeez, talk about choking out the competition!" Jim says between gasps of air. The strange figure stands for a moment and looks around the room calmly. He quietly laughs. "You haven't pranked Dwight in days, Jim. You're not keeping up your end of the bargain. You knew the details of our bargain." "Yeah? Well you forgot about the BOFA clause, Trenchcoat Boy." "Ah yes, very clever, Jim. Unfortunately, I am well versed in BOFA. Because BOFA your children are going to destroy your nuts." Suddenly, from the top of the staircase, Cece and Philip dive on their father and begin violently attacking his testicles with punches and kicks. Jim lets out a howl of pain as his children let loose a fury of testicular damage. The man in the trenchcoat lets out a loud laugh now. "Jeez, I've heard of The Kids in the Hall, but the kids smashing Jim's balls?" Jim doesn't even hear this, his children are laughing directly in his ears now as they rain down more and more punishment on his family jewels. Finally, mercifully, the man in the trenchcoat makes a motion with his arms and the children stop. "Now then, Jim, will you get back to work tomorrow? Or do I need to pay another visit?" Jim says he'll be at work tomorrow and will make sure to prank Dwight. The trenchcoat man thanks Jim and then heads for the front door. Before he opens it, though, he removes his scarf. Staring back at Jim is Dwight's face. But it's a hateful, wicked look in his eyes, unlike anything the real Dwight could muster up. "Don't forget, I can end you at any time, Jim." The next day, Dwight shows up to work and finds Jim sitting at the receptionist desk, dressed like Erin. "Hey, Balloon Boy, I have one piece of mail for you!" Jim, dressed as Erin, hands Dwight a large cardboard box. The box top opens up and a spring-loaded pie launches into Dwight's face. "I know I'm supposed to be on vacation, but I forgot I was supposed to put this PIE chart together!" Jim mugs for the camera. Dwight's face is covered in pie filling but, if he could see Jim, he would realize that Jim's eyes have an intense fear and sadness in them.
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Jun 30, 2022 15:57
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