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Ninurta
Sep 19, 2007
What the HELL? That's my cutting board.


That must've been in the backseat of this car.

https://i.imgur.com/bmkrAAf.mp4

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DJ Fuckboy Supreme
Feb 10, 2011

And when you stare long into the abyss, you become aggressively, terminally chill


izpaz

snail
Sep 25, 2008

CHEESE!

Ninurta posted:

That must've been in the backseat of this car.


A :nms: would have been appreciated, that guy is not in a good state.

KennyMan666
May 27, 2010

The Saga

neogeo0823 posted:

OK, I'll take a guess.


... Ham? Eggs? Olives, and possibly roasted red peppers? Lots of very thick semen, or potentially the sort of frosting you'd find on cinnamon rolls...? Lots of herbs and spices, and what is probably supposed to be one of those little plastic table things that clearly wasn't placed properly. The look of the area around the box is giving me some weird sort of like, eastern European vibes for some reason.
The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Derail Valley > Anti Food Porn: Lots of very thick semen, or potentially frosting

Butterfly Valley
Apr 19, 2007

I am a spectacularly bad poster and everyone in the Schadenfreude thread hates my guts.

FreudianSlippers posted:

The Coop in Växjö did have some sort of Balkan pastry called "Burek", which was absolutely fantastic, but not even a trace of bagels.

Turkish, actually. Countries that were part of the Ottoman empire still have a lot of Turkish influenced cuisine like Börek.

axolotl farmer
May 17, 2007

Now I'm going to sing the Perry Mason theme

FreudianSlippers posted:

Do swedes not do bagels?


Proper chewy bagels are rare. The coffee chains like Espreso House usually sell something they call a bagel, but it’s just a regular white roll shaped like a donut and covered in poppyseeds. A bagel shouldn’t be crunchy on the outside and fluffy on the inside.

You may have better luck if you can find a hipster bakery, but good luck.

Antigravitas
Dec 8, 2019

Die Rettung fuer die Landwirte:



would

LifeSunDeath
Jan 4, 2007

still gay rights and smoke weed every day

bury me in a pretzel crust.

Captain Hygiene
Sep 17, 2007

You mess with the crabbo...



LifeSunDeath posted:

bury me in a pretzel crust.

I'm sorry, this whole gimmicky stuffed crust thing has gone too far and needs to stop

Brawnfire
Jul 13, 2004

🎧Listen to Cylindricule!🎵
https://linktr.ee/Cylindricule

Thick crypts pizza

Captain Hygiene
Sep 17, 2007

You mess with the crabbo...




People left ‘raging’ after chef turns McDonald’s fries and chicken nuggets into pasta

SlothfulCobra
Mar 27, 2011

FreudianSlippers
Apr 12, 2010

Shooting and Fucking
are the same thing!

axolotl farmer posted:

Proper chewy bagels are rare. The coffee chains like Espreso House usually sell something they call a bagel, but it’s just a regular white roll shaped like a donut and covered in poppyseeds. A bagel shouldn’t be crunchy on the outside and fluffy on the inside.

You may have better luck if you can find a hipster bakery, but good luck.

Thanks a bunchas tribute to the thread here's my attempt at heating frozen croissants on the grill after one of many fruitless attempts at finding bagels.



It was a failed experiment but not as bad as I first thought. Mostly because as they melted in my not sufficiently cooled cooler they congealed into one big dough chunk resulting in the mess you see.

FreudianSlippers has a new favorite as of 19:20 on Jul 11, 2022

Antigravitas
Dec 8, 2019

Die Rettung fuer die Landwirte:
Mon Dieu

StoryTime
Feb 26, 2010

Now listen to me children and I'll tell you of the legend of the Ninja

axolotl farmer posted:

Proper chewy bagels are rare. The coffee chains like Espreso House usually sell something they call a bagel, but it’s just a regular white roll shaped like a donut and covered in poppyseeds. A bagel shouldn’t be crunchy on the outside and fluffy on the inside.

You may have better luck if you can find a hipster bakery, but good luck.

I wonder if "vattenkringla" (kringlor?) would be close? I've never had a U.S. style bagel, but the recipes I see on the net seem similar. They are also chewy and the mouthfeel is very uniform, there is no crust to speak of. Those should be around in Sweden, they are definitely around in Finland.

So much of bakery is in the method over the ingredients, it's hard to tell exactly.

Poopelyse
Jan 22, 2011

by Fluffdaddy

these remind me of the desert pizza from Cici's Pizza that I absolutely loved as a kid

Ror
Oct 21, 2010

😸Everything's 🗞️ purrfect!💯🤟


StoryTime posted:

I wonder if "vattenkringla" (kringlor?) would be close? I've never had a U.S. style bagel, but the recipes I see on the net seem similar. They are also chewy and the mouthfeel is very uniform, there is no crust to speak of. Those should be around in Sweden, they are definitely around in Finland.

So much of bakery is in the method over the ingredients, it's hard to tell exactly.

Are they boiled? That the defining trait of a bagel and it’s why the mass produced ones are garbage (they’re steamed in one step, not baked then boiled). The boil gives them that nice crust with a sheen and almost a snap when you bite into them and then the inside is fluffy but still chewy.

There are lots of bagel-like circle pastries that are good but the a true bagel is rather unique. Also fresh for like a nanosecond before they start going stale, if you haven’t had a bagel within an hour of it being made then you’re also missing out on the best possible experience.

SlothfulCobra
Mar 27, 2011

The Bloop
Jul 5, 2004

by Fluffdaddy

Poopelyse posted:

these remind me of the desert pizza from Cici's Pizza that I absolutely loved as a kid



I can really taste how much flavor that doesn't have at all

Captain Hygiene
Sep 17, 2007

You mess with the crabbo...



It has sugar, fat, and more sugar. It doesn't need flavor

Data Graham
Dec 28, 2009

📈📊🍪😋



The Bloop posted:

I can really taste how much flavor that doesn't have at all

Covid pizza

HelloIAmYourHeart
Dec 29, 2008
Fallen Rib

My very nice next foor neighbor made a bunch of pickles from her garden and gave us a jar. I haaaate pickles, but my dad assured me that homemade pickles are very different than store bought, so I tried one.

Well, he was incorrect. It was just as disgusting as every other pickle I've ever eaten. I actually gagged. My husband said they were fine, though.

Alhazred
Feb 16, 2011




FreudianSlippers posted:

Thanks a bunchas tribute to the thread here's my attempt at heating frozen croissants on the grill after one of many fruitless attempts at finding bagels.



It was a failed experiment but not as bad as I first thought. Mostly because as they melted in my not sufficiently cooled cooler they congealed into one big dough chunk resulting in the mess you see.

You can make bagels on your own you know. It's not even that hard.

FreudianSlippers
Apr 12, 2010

Shooting and Fucking
are the same thing!

Alhazred posted:

You can make bagels on your own you know. It's not even that hard.

When I'm in a tent with no other cooking equipment other than a travel grill it's a bit tricky.

Probably possible though.

Alhazred
Feb 16, 2011




FreudianSlippers posted:

When I'm in a tent with no other cooking equipment other than a travel grill it's a bit tricky.

Probably possible though.

It's also possible to make bagels before you embark on a camping trip and take them with you.

Alhazred
Feb 16, 2011








Surely this have to in violation of some pizza law.

DJ Fuckboy Supreme
Feb 10, 2011

And when you stare long into the abyss, you become aggressively, terminally chill

Alhazred posted:

Surely this have to in violation of some pizza law.

Certainly naming conventions.

Zipperelli.
Apr 3, 2011



Nap Ghost

Alhazred posted:

Surely this have to in violation of some pizza law.

God I'm so tired of repeating this:

There. Are. No. Pizza. Rules.

No pizza laws, regulations, pronouncements, directives or edicts. You are free to top your pizza however you so choose without fear of ostracization from others.

Nameless Pete
May 8, 2007

Get a load of those...

steinrokkan
Apr 2, 2011



Soiled Meat
Why do you ABSOLUTELY, UNCONDITIONALLY need bagels on a camping trip to the point you are scouring the land in search of them

LifeSunDeath
Jan 4, 2007

still gay rights and smoke weed every day
if you forget your camping fleshlight, bagel is second option.

Admiral Joeslop
Jul 8, 2010




LifeSunDeath posted:

if you forget your camping fleshlight, bagel is second option.

Tiggum
Oct 24, 2007

Your life and your quest end here.



While there are no pizza rules, merely utilising a pizza does not provide immunity to other rules and regulations such as those pertaining to the safety and care of human babies. It is not against any pizza rule (because there are no pizza rules) to use a baby as a topping on a pizza. It may be against other (baby-related) laws, however.

Poopelyse
Jan 22, 2011

by Fluffdaddy

Data Graham
Dec 28, 2009

📈📊🍪😋




Zipperelli.
Apr 3, 2011



Nap Ghost

Tiggum posted:

While there are no pizza rules, merely utilising a pizza does not provide immunity to other rules and regulations such as those pertaining to the safety and care of human babies. It is not against any pizza rule (because there are no pizza rules) to use a baby as a topping on a pizza. It may be against other (baby-related) laws, however.

Tiggum gets it

Captain Hygiene
Sep 17, 2007

You mess with the crabbo...



Freemestre on the land, my pizza rights shall not be infringed

uber_stoat
Jan 21, 2001



Pillbug
illustration of man holding knife and fork with an infant on top of a pizza in front of him: "IT'S LEGAL"

uber_stoat
Jan 21, 2001



Pillbug

https://twitter.com/cooperlund/status/1546840833508401152?s=20&t=uc3tiCBNU1s-nz9Wu9AiIg

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Iron Crowned
May 6, 2003

by Hand Knit

I want one right now

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