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Elon Musk storms into the office dressed as Waluigi. That is to say, the office building itself has been dressed as Waluigi. Musk paid out of pocket for the modifications as part of Musk's $45 billion bid to "buy Nintendo" and "take it private" because Musk believes Waluigi should be a playable character in Super Smash Bros Ultimate. Elon Musk is also dressed as Waluigi. So anyway Musk storms into the office with a bee in his bonnet about how Zipper the Fly is now a playable character in Super Smash Bros Ultimate and orders everyone into the conference room to play SSBU. "Everyone has to gang up on Zipper and Zipper isn't allowed to move or make any attacks," Musk declares. Also nobody is allowed to attack each other, just Zipper. "This isn't a game," explains Musk. Dwight draws the short straw (Jim's prank was rigging the straws so Dwight was guaranteed the short one). Dwight is forced to sit and hold the controller while everyone in the office pummels Dwight's fly. When Dwight asks why anyone has to hold the controller if the character isn't allowed to move or attack, Musk explains rudely that "beating up on Zipper doesn't count unless somebody suffers." Jim (playing as Wario) presses the taunt button for the 10,000th time.
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Jul 13, 2022 15:48
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| # ? May 29, 2024 19:29 |
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Applewhite posted:Elon Musk storms into the office dressed as Waluigi. lmao
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Jul 13, 2022 15:57
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JediTalentAgent posted:Jim will learn to live with only the memory of his precious anime, but Dwight will never know the personal joy of Battlestar Galactica.
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Jul 13, 2022 17:40
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Applewhite posted:Elon Musk storms into the office dressed as Waluigi. The "Dwight's fly" here mentioned is the one on his pants.
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Jul 13, 2022 18:30
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Jim travels back in time, telling Dwight that he's going to kill his grandfather and wipe him from existence. Having researched the year 1951 extensively, Jim easily locates the man, a few years before he originally had a child that would eventually father a child that would eventually sell paper at a small company in Scranton, PA. "Hey, nothing personal Pops, but this is part of a prank!" Jim says as he drags the man into a dark alley and slices him open, letting him bleed out. "Wait, you said this was a p-prank? I... love... p-p-pranks..." Jim looks at his hands, which are stating to fade away. In fact, his entire body is becoming immaterial. "Wait a minute, I forgot to clarify my pronouns when I threatened Dwight. This isn't Dwight's grandfather at all!" As Jim fades away, he can't help but laugh. And as his grandfather (who is now fated to never even become a father) slowly dies, he laughs, too. "Pretty good prank, even if it did leave me feeling a little empty inside!" Jim laughs. "Y-y-yeah. T-talk about... uh... well..." the man utters, incomprehensibly, before passing. In the present, time corrects itself around Jim's erasure and Dwight now has a slightly larger desk to fill the space. He reaches for a pen, but finds the movement weird and uncomfortable, as if he's stretching further than he normally does. For a moment, he imagines someone mugging at him.
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Jul 13, 2022 20:40
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Let that prank be a warning to you, the poster, to always clarify your, the poster's, pronouns.
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Jul 14, 2022 00:40
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Jim pranks him.
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Jul 14, 2022 01:09
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Deep, deep in the farthest reaches of space, cosmic Jim turns its gaze towards Earth 43, imbuing that world's Jim with incredible pranking energy. As Jim skids his car into the Dunder Mifflin parking lot at 60 mph to try to avoid being late, he accidentally runs over Charles Miner. Jim sits in shock for a moment. Then, as a smirk slowly, slowly creeps across his face, Jim softly whispers " talk about a rundown huh?" Jim then screams as an uninjured Charles Miner gets up and scowls at Jim for being late. Deep, deep in the farthest reachs of space, Cosmic Jim senses a familiar presence.
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Jul 14, 2022 01:22
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Cosmic Jim frantically calls a meeting of the Ethereal Pranksters. In a simmering panic he asks, “Seriously guys, do ANY of you know what a rundown is ?!”
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Jul 14, 2022 02:10
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Jim, sweating profusely, stands up from his desk to make an announcement. “Hey, uh, guys, I noticed that we’re almost out of snacks in the break room, so I’m gonna… rundown to the grocery store to get some more???” He turns to Charles Miner and looks at him expectantly. Charles Miner continues to scowl at Jim, his expression unchanging.
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Jul 14, 2022 02:23
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It's years ago, before Jim goes to work for Dunder Mifflin. Jim stands at a crossroads somewhere in the middle of Georgia. There's an iron post driven into the packed earth of the dirt road, exactly in the center of the X where the two roads meet. The air is hot and the sun beats down on Jim's pale neck. Jim is young, a bit on the chubby side, but tall. His neat, blond hair rustles in the wind like wheat. He is nineteen years old. Jim is standing at the crossroads because he was pranked yesterday. Pranked by the son of a beet farmer. The dumb yokel put a beet on Jim's chair. The whole class laughed. The image of the yokel's smirking moon face is burned into the film of Jim's mental camera. Jim is cooking up some awful pranks in his head when he becomes aware he's not alone. A stranger is standing there in a pool of shadow cast by what Jim first thinks is the broad brim of a hat, but on closer inspection Jim realizes is hair. A huge halo of hair all around the stranger's head like the brim of a hat. The stranger is tall and slender, a scarecrow of a man. Jim is startled by just how astoundingly floppy the stranger's hair is. The corners of the stranger's mouth creep up the stranger's face in an inhumanly broad rictus of crooked, yellow teeth. "Please allow me to introduce myself," says the stranger, holding out a bony, six-fingered hand. Jim shakes it. It's like closing his fingers around a clump of chicken bones. They exchange introductions. The man goes by "Mr. Helper." Mr. Helper has a smooth Georgia accent. "So, Jimmy boy, I hear you like pranks," says Mr. Helper. "How'd you like to be the greatest prankster in the world?" Jim replies he'd like that very much. Mr. Helper grins. He thought so. "T'won't cost you much," says Mr. Helper. Jim pulls out a roll of cash from his pocket. Mr. Helper waves the cash away, chuckling. "Ah don't want your money, son. No, all I want from you is a word." "A word?" asks Jim. "Just one word from your vocabulary. You won't even miss it. Every word's got 'least two or three SINonyms these days," says Mr. Helper. "What word?" asks Jim. "How about you pick." Mr. Helper's grin is very broad now. His hair is very floppy. Jim thinks for a long time about a word he's not likely to use. While he's thinking, Jim casts his eyes to the horizon where he spots a desert fox running down a rabbit. The fox catches the rabbit and tears into the fluffy critter's throat. "Rundown..." says Jim absent-mindedly. "That's a good one," says Mr. Helper. "You won't miss it at all." "Rundown?" asks Jim. "Sure. One word's as good as another. You'll get along just fine without it." Mr. Helper holds out his long, six-fingered hand again. "Do we have a deal?" Jim doesn't want to touch Mr. Helper's creepy, bony digits again, but reaches out and accepts the handshake anyway. Mr. Helper's grin grows wider and wider. It seems to fill his (Jim's?) whole field of vision. The grin swallows him up. He can no longer tell where he stops and Mr. Helper begins. Suddenly Jim is standing there alone. He reaches up gingerly to touch his hair. It's floppy. Jim smirks at the desert fox. The desert fox smirks back with a mouth full of bloody teeth.
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Jul 14, 2022 04:42
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Over the course of several weeks, Jim conducts a Pavolvian experiment on Dwight. Every time Jim trills the bicycle bell attached to Jim's desk, a spring-loaded boxing glove launches out and blasts Dwight in the balls. After a few weeks of this, Dwight reflexively cringes and shields his groin whenever Dwight hears a bell ring. Jim mugs the camera as he trills the bicycle bell during a sales call and Dwight crosses his legs defensively.
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Jul 14, 2022 04:49
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Dwight buys Jim baby shoes but Jim dies before he can wear them. Dwight resells the shoes.
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Jul 14, 2022 05:16
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Dwight leaves a small bottle of 5-hour-energy on Jim’s desk. “You’re looking a bit… run down, today,” says Dwight. Jim flinches at the word, and watches Dwight warily. He isn’t sure if he’s being pranked or helped here.
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Jul 14, 2022 05:19
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Dwight changes the ringtone on his phone to "running down a dream" by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. Jim flinches defensively whenever Dwight's phone rings. Soon everybody in the office also changes their ringtone to "running down a dream" (Jim is not well liked)
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Jul 14, 2022 09:18
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Jim, sensing he is not well-liked around the office, drinks a "popularity potion" that he buys from a fortune teller. Unfortunately the fortune teller was just one of Jim's disguises and the "popularity potion" is just Listerine. The old woman cackles and smirks at the camera as Jim leaves her tent, then doffs the mophead she wears as a wig to reveal floppy hair underneath. Fortunately, the temporary improvement in Jim's halitosis actually does help Jim's popularity. Unfortunately Jim falls asleep, drunk on Listerine, sprawled across Jim's and Dwight's desks and Dwight is forced to work in the annex that morning. Jim's smirking face drifts into focus inside a crystal ball.
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Jul 14, 2022 12:55
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Jim swallows a basketball so that he looks pregnant. He shows up at work the next day and accuses Dwight of being the father. Everyone has a good laugh at Dwight's expense but Jim's mirth is short lived when he discovers he must now carry the basketball to term.
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Jul 14, 2022 13:08
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Dwight keeps getting pulled over because Jim won't stop putting out Amber Alerts for Dwight's Trans Am.
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Jul 14, 2022 13:18
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Applewhite posted:Jim swallows a basketball so that he looks pregnant. He shows up at work the next day and accuses Dwight of being the father. Jim gets up to go to the bathroom but a shrill whistle stops him in his tracks. Charles Miner, dressed in white and black stripes, signals for a traveling foul.
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Jul 14, 2022 13:39
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dwight needs to join a last-minute conference call with a client, but the office meeting room is already booked out. a shaking and sweating Jim is steeling himself to perform the act of yubitsume in front of a steely-faced Charles Miner. jim finally gets his, jim's, poo poo together and slices off the first joint of his left little finger. mugging, jim bundles the severed piece of finger up in a cloth and presents said bundle to Charles Miner. dwight struggles to make himself understood on the client call over the hubbub of the office
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Jul 14, 2022 13:49
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Jim releases his magnum opus: Atlas Smugged. A sprawling, preachy, clunky door-stopper of a sci fi novel about the "moral necessity" of "Prankitalism." The villain of the book is a prank-hating beet farmer named "Ballon Boyd" who sets himself in opposition to the heroic James Helper. The novel culminates with a sixty-nine page speech about the glory of pranks and also why it wasn't "technically rape" when James Helper forced himself physically on the novel's heroine, Gadget Beasley, because "she secretly wanted it." Despite being utterly terrible, the novel re-invigorates the waning prankster culture across the US by absolving obnoxious assholes of any guilt they might feel for pranking (and also date rape). Several notable politicians cite the novel as inspiration for their policies. Dwight stops by his local library a few months later and is saddened to discover the library is having a liquidation sale. Funding for Scranton's public libraries has been reallocated to building a giant water balloon to drop on Schrute Farms. Jim's face smirks up at Dwight from the back cover of an autographed copy of Atlas Smugged.
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Jul 14, 2022 13:52
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Jim gets an alert on his phone that Dwight's currently at a blueberry field, prompting Jim to hop in his car and zoom off. "I have so many blueberry puns! I can't wait believe this is the first time I've encountered Dwight at a blueberry field!" he says while his car rockets past 120 miles per hour on the pothole-ridden side streets of Scranton. Suddenly, Jim sees red and blue flashing lights in his mirror. "Sheesh, must be some new guy that doesn't know the score. I'll pull over, maybe get a police escort to go prank Dwight." As Jim rolls down his window, he's shocked to see the face of Charles Miner staring back, wearing a pair of mirrored sunglasses. "Uh... Mr. Miner! You're... you're a cop now?" "No, Jim, I'm not. But I'm making a citizen's arrest right now. Unless, of course, you have that rundown." Jim lets out a scream and then wakes up, drenched in sweat, in his bed. "Oh man, talk about a wet dream!" "You've made that joke before, Jim", says Charles Miner as he rolls over in bed next to Jim. His tightly muscled body gleans in the morning light. "Do you have that rundown yet? Since you're obviously not working on new material, I mean." Jim screams again and wakes from this dream, finding himself on the couch in his living room with the TV blaring an infomercial in the background. Jim is again covered in sweat. "Talk about.... eh, you know what I mean." Jim mugs for his pet fish, which happily does a loop in its bowl and then mugs back. Jim starts absent-mindedly flipping through TV, trying to find something to calm his mind before going back to sleep. He happens upon Sonic the Hedgehog 2. "Sweet! I haven't seen this one yet." As he watches the screen, utterly transfixed, Jim starts to relax. A dull smile is on his face and his eyes begin to glaze over. Then, without warning, Knuckles shows up. His voice seems oddly familiar to Jim and he snaps out of his relaxed mood. He's suddenly very on edge, very nervous. Then Knuckles turns directly to the camera, staring at Jim in his living room. "Hey Jim, do you have that rundown? Because I need it before I can get to work on fusing the Master Emerald back together." "Uhhhh, Knuckles? Is that you?" "Oh, wow, okay. Jim? Jim you REALLY need to pay attention, you're on very thin ice with me and I'm tired of the games. The rundown. On my desk by close of business today or else I'm going to have to take disciplinary actions. Do you understand? This isn't one of your little silly pranks, Jim." Jim starts screaming again, this time waking up at his desk at Dunder Mifflin. Everyone is staring at him, but quickly goes back to work. Dwight asks if everything's okay. "Yeah, you nosy rear end in a top hat. Everything's fine. I just had a really bad dream, but I think everything's going to be alllllll right now." "Glad to hear that Jim," comes the deep and confident voice of Charles Miner, "because I need that rundown before lunch today." Jim starts to scream but there's no escape this time, he's already wide awake.
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Jul 14, 2022 13:54
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Jim challenges Dwight to a sumo contest. Dwight repeatedly tells Jim that this is a terrible idea, but Jim won't hear any of it. "I've been packing on the pounds just for this occasion, Dwight. Trust me, this is no prank. This is a reckoning!" Jim then tears off his shirt, revealing his skeletal frame. But, shockingly, he also has the slightest hint of love handles forming. Deciding that he needs to put this distraction to an end, Dwight agrees to the match, which Jim declares will happen on the roof of the Dunder Mifflin building. Jim carefully draws out the circle, dresses in the appropriate gear, and begins his pre-match ritual as Dwight stares on in disbelief. Jim looks like he's gained, at most, 20 lbs. He's still mostly skeletal, with just the barest amount of pudge around his stomach. Despite that, Jim grins like a lunatic. "Alright, Dwight-san, you're about to face the wrath of my Hundred Hand Slap!" Jim suddenly rushes towards Dwight and starts slapping his chest, faster and faster, leaving Dwight's bare chest beet-red. "Get it?" Jim mugs to the reader of this tale. Jim then steps back and rushes at Dwight, easily knocking him out of the ring and off the roof of Dunder Mifflin. "You're probably wondering how I did that," Jim says to the paramedics who arrive shortly after Dwight's deadly fall, "because I look so skinny! Well, in all actuality, I replaced all of my bones with osmium and all my blood with mercury. I'm the heaviest man who ever lived! I hit Dwight with the force of a mack truck, it's pretty great!" Dwight, clinging to life, is stretchered into an ambulance and rushed to the ER while Jim, now more precious metal than man, mugs at the camera.
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Jul 14, 2022 14:56
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Applewhite posted:Dwight keeps getting pulled over because Dogcatcher Jim won't stop putting out Pitbull Alerts for Dwight's Trans Am.
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Jul 14, 2022 14:59
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Jim keeps dropping hints that if Dwight committed suicide, Dwight could wake up in a world where Minions are real. Dwight asks what possible reason Dwight would have to believe that killing himself would transport him to a world of Minions, and how a world where Minions were real would be an incentive in any case. "Because you already did, and you already are," says Jim. There's a scurrying noise and a disgusting, yellow capsule-shaped creature the size of a small child emerges from the breakroom and gives Dwight a hearty wave. "Bello!" says the Minion, cheerfully. Dwight screams and flees the office. Jim slips the little person actor in the Minion costume a twenty dollar bill and mugs the camera. "Banana," says Jim.
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Jul 14, 2022 15:04
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Jim, intending to skywrite the phrase "DWIGHT SUCKS" over the beach where Dwight and Angela are vacationing, accidentally crashes his biplane into the Pacific Ocean. Waking up on a deserted island, Jim looks around. He is utterly alone except for some boar, birds, lizards, and insects. At first content to prank a gila monster that he has named "Dwight 2", Jim is soon bit by the lizard and develops a terrible infection. Although he survives, he has several nights where he can feel the icy grip of death slowly tightening around him. Coming out the other end of the near-death experience, Jim reflects on his life. "That lizard almost killed me for pranking him. He didn't like the pranks. Does that mean... Dwight doesn't like the pranks? Does anyone?" Jim tests his hypothesis by pranking a toucan, which proceeds to violently attack him, clawing at his eyeballs. Jim finally realizes that the targets of his pranks do not enjoy them. Jim spirals into a deep depression at first, believing the island to be Hell itself, his eternal punishment for years of tormenting Dwight (and sometimes Andy). Jim lays there, nearly motionless, in a days-long depression. One night, a deadly hurricane blows through. Jim welcomes it at first, ready to be destroyed. But as the island is covered in rainwater, Jim sees Dwight 2 struggling to protect its eggs. Jim feels something almost like humanity growing inside of him and rushes over, saving the gila monster and its eggs from a torrential flood of water. As the storm rages through the night, Jim is filled with energy again and sets about saving every animal he can find. It's an incredible challenge and the night seems to stretch on forever, but eventually the sun rises over a calm ocean and Jim surveys the island. "I think I'm ready to go home now." Over the next month Jim constructs a simple boat out of whatever material he can construct, ready to rejoin the world. As he sets sail, he takes one last look at the island that helped rebirth him. He turns away as tears well in his eyes, ready to get home. Filled with new vigor, a muscular and tanned Jim sails over the horizon, food and water carefully stored on the boat to give him sustenance to hopefully make it home. As the days go on, Jim finally sees a light in the distance and perks up. His tiny raft, slowly beginning to degrade from wear and tear, touches sand and Jim looks around him as hundreds of beachgoers stare on in shock. He lifts a hand and waves, then collapses from exhaustion. For weeks, Jim recovers in a Chilean hospital, his body suffering from dehydration and heat stroke. But doctors are shocked at his quick recovery, declaring it a miracle. Jim simply says that he has a lot more life to live, now that he has a new outlook on things. Jim finally books a flight back to Scranton, eager to rejoin the world and let his former coworkers hear his incredible tale. A full 8 months after his crash, Jim shows back up to Dunder Mifflin. His hair is closely cropped now, his body tanned and covered in tight muscles. Jim's clothing is ironed and pressed, his shirt tucked in for the first time in many years. His collar is buttoned and his tie pulled tight. He looks up at the building. So many wasted years, hurting Dwight. He thinks back to the island and smiles. The reborn Jim steps into the office and prepares to greet everyone for the first time in ages. "Jim, Jesus man, it's been 8 months, do you have that run down?" "Uhhhhh, the... run down... yeah, I've just got to... proofread it?" Charles Miner looks at Jim, befuddled, then sighs. "You're just proofreading it now? What have you been doing for 8 months? A drat beach vacation or something?" Jim sits down, hands shaking, and prepares to work on the run down. He looks over at Dwight. Dwight, who seems to easily catch on to everything. Dwight, who has time for charity on top of this job, keeping up a farm, and having a bed and breakfast. Dwight, who never seems to complain or struggle or even have a bad day. How Jim hates him. "Hey Dwight, did you hear they painted gullible on the ceiling last night?" Dwight looks up, then frowns when he realizes the prank played at his expense. Jim mugs for the camera.
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Jul 14, 2022 15:36
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Jim starts to leave boxes of Count Chocula out on the counter in the break room, knowing it’s Dwight’s favorite cereal. He also puts more and more of Dwight’s things in jello, and Michael makes him eat the jello to get them out. Jim also replaces the sweet, wholesome beet sugar near the coffee with sucrose derived archaically from sugar cane. These changes cause Dwight to gradually gain weight. His once chilled washboard abs get flabby and he develops a paunch. Jim, meanwhile, has maintained his toned, tanned muscles. One day on a corporate outing to Lake Scranton, Jim and Dwight step out onto the beach in their swimwear. Jim looks over at Dwight, who starts to feel a little self-conscious. “Jeez, talk about Beauty and the Beet, am I right?”
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Jul 14, 2022 15:55
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After discovering Dwight's love of Count Chocula, Jim offers Dwight a chance to "meet the REAL Count Chocula". Dwight is intrigued and agrees, letting Jim drive him deep into the forests of Pennsylvania. There, Jim takes Dwight to a crumbling stone castle, hidden away from human eyes for centuries. Jim theatrically knocks on the drawbridge door, then just says "I'm kidding, we'll just go in this hole over here." Jim leads Dwight through a maze of catacombs, occasionally stepping over a crumbled stone wall or pile of debris. Dwight hears the skittering of rats and flapping of bat wings occasionally. The smell of mildew lingers constantly as Jim, now carrying a torch for light, leads Dwight into the bowels of the castle. "Well, here he is! Count Chocula himself!" Laying in an open casket is a skeleton, draped in the chocolate-colored vestments of the cereal mascot. A wooden stake protrudes from his chest cavity, having long ago destroyed the vampire's heart. Two sharp incisors still loom threateningly in the corpse's skull. Dwight looks at the deceased creature with a mix of horror and awe. "You wanna meet Boo Berry next?" Jim says with a sly grin. Dwight, still barely able to comprehend the world of supernatural breakfast foods he's stepped in to, nods yes. Jim starts laughing. "Oh Dwight, you idiot! Ghosts aren't real! Oh my god, you're so gullible! Let me just call up Zak Baggins over here, get the whole Ghost Adventures crew out here! Jesus, Dwight, seriously? Grow up man!" Jim mugs for the camera, then hears a howl in the distance. "Oh crap, we gotta get out of here before Fruit Brute finds us! Come on!"
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Jul 14, 2022 16:08
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A Fancy Hat posted:Jim, intending to skywrite the phrase "DWIGHT SUCKS" over the beach where Dwight and Angela are vacationing, accidentally crashes his biplane into the Pacific Ocean. Waking up on a deserted island, Jim looks around. He is utterly alone except for some boar, birds, lizards, and insects. The scene cuts to an exterior shot of the Dunder Mifflin building. The door and windows almost make the building look like a face, a face that is mugging the camera. It turns out that office culture was the true floppy prankster all along.
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Jul 14, 2022 16:09
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Jim posts thousands of wanted posters around Scranton, offering $100,000 to "the ugliest person in Scranton". Thousands show up to Dunder Mifflin, hoping to claim the money. Each time, Jim sadly shakes his head. "Sorry, you're not uglier than Dwight." When Dwight grows tired of this and asks for the money himself, "since I'm so ugly, Jim", Jim claims the reward was "just a prank, bro" and then mugs for the camera.
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Jul 14, 2022 16:31
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Jim declares that he won’t prank anyone today. As soon as Dwight sits down to make a phone call, however, Jim cuts the line on his phone. “It’s Opposite Day, Dummy! Everything I say, I mean the opposite!” Dwight asks if this is really the best use of Jim’s time, especially considering the fact that he just got back from using 8 months of sick leave on his tropical vacation to an island off the coast of Chile. “Charles Miner wanted you to check in when you got back.” Jim smirks. “Sounds great. I’m definitely NOT planning on pranking Charles Miner. In fact, I’m going to go find him, walk up, and-“ “Walk up?” comes a chillingly familiar voice from just behind Jim’s head. Jim’s blood runs cold. “You were going to come find me? And give me something? Now, since it’s Opposite Day,” asks Charles Miner, “maybe you can help me, Jim. What’s the opposite of ‘walk’ and ‘up’?”
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Jul 14, 2022 16:33
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Jim tricks Dwight into declaring Schrute Farms as a Sovereign Nation and forming a beet-based microstate. This leads to much consternation from Dwight when Jim reveals he'll have to apply for a visa and work permits to continue working at Dunder Mifflin.
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Jul 14, 2022 16:41
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“All right, Jim, let’s make this easier for you,” says an exasperated Charles Miner, rubbing his temples. “Since you can’t or won’t bring me a rundown, would you please just send me a quick updog?” Jim, his floppy hair wet with cold sweat, stammers and stutters, “I c- uh, eh-, an, ah, what’s ‘updog’?” Dwight, half-listening while he runs some Mid-Year Budget Recalculations at his desk, idly interjects “Not much, Dog, what’s up with you?” Pleasure, like an electric shock, jolts immediately through Dwight. Is this what pranks feel like? Could pranking someone deliver such feelings of power, of fulfillment? Dwight looks down at his hands. They could craft such jello molds. He needs this feeling again. Dwight smirks at Jim, who now looks incredible uneasy as he glances back and forth between Dwight and Charles Miner.
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Jul 14, 2022 17:22
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Dwight is picked for jury duty and ends up on an extremely complex case that threatens to go on for weeks, possibly months. As Dwight is sequestered in a hotel for the duration, Jim has no idea where he is or how to prank him. After 3 weeks, Jim is beginning to crack up at work, constantly asking Angela where Dwight is. "Jim, I legally can't tell you. You could interfere with the case." "Jesus Christ, Angela, nobody cares about the case. I just want to prank your husband, nothing weird." Angela remains tight-lipped and an increasingly unhinged Jim becomes obsessed with discovering the secret location where Dwight and the jury are being held. Jim begins staking out the courthouse, trying to see Dwight and found out where he's spending his limited free time. But it's useless, as Jim is not allowed in to the courthouse and can't find a single shred of evidence of where Dwight is located. After 8 weeks, Jim is losing his mind. He sits at work, completely unaware of his surroundings, muttering "how long is this going on?" Finally, he makes up his mind. Jim leaves the office and marches down to the Scranton Courthouse, intending to burst into the trial and prank Dwight. Just a little prank, nothing crazy. Something in jello. That'll help take the edge off. Jim fights through layers of security, easily subduing dozens of armed guards with his maniac strength. As he steps into the courtroom he licks his lips. He starts pulling down his pants, exposing his flaccid penis. "Hey Dwight, I've heard of a hung jury, but this is -" Jim freezes. Everyone is looking at him and one of the lawyers has a smug grin on his face. The lawyer doesn't appear surprised at all. In fact, he looks happy to see Jim. "And this right here, ladies and gentlemen, just proves my point. Jim Halpert is a dangerous man, whose obsession with pranks has led him to break into a courthouse, maim dozens of men and women, and pull down his pants in front of a jury of his peers." "Wait, I'm on trial? How am I on trial?" The judge begins to bang his gavel. The bailiff grabs Jim and pulls him away, easily able to subdue the confused prankster. As Jim is led out of the room, he sees Dwight in the jury box, furiously scribbling down notes. "Wait, Dwight? What's going on? How can I be on trial?" The doors close in front of Jim and he's told he can go home now. Jim keeps asking what's going on, but everyone is silent. As Jim turns on the TV at home, he discovers that the trial is finally over. A Tiny Jim in Tiny handcuffs is lead out of the courtroom while reporters swarm, asking for a statement. Tiny Jim remains silent. The news anchor then appears. "In a shocking case, Tiny Jim has been charged with 37 counts of malicious pranking and 15 counts of goofing in the 1st degree. He will face life in a Tiny prison cell for what authorities are calling a bust of the biggest pranking ring in history. In addition, anti-prank experts say that this is only the first of MANY expected trials, as Tiny Jim was just one of many agents working for a so-called 'Prankster Mastermind' also located in Scranton." "Jeez, I'd hate to be that guy," Jim says absent-mindedly. Suddenly, there's a knock on Jim's door.
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Jul 14, 2022 18:34
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poisonpill posted:“All right, Jim, let’s make this easier for you,” says an exasperated Charles Miner, rubbing his temples. “Since you can’t or won’t bring me a rundown, would you please just send me a quick updog?” Charles Miner sets a meeting on Jim's calendar simply labeled "Rundown." Kevin, feeling pity as he watches Jim sob in the bathroom about an hour before the meeting, puts a hand on Jim's shoulder. "Don't worry about it Jim," he says with a wink. "I just emailed you the rundown for today. Just update it yourself next time, alright?" Jim thanks Kevin profusely and practically sprints to his desk to check his email. However his computer is unable to connect to the cloud. "Oh yeah, we've been having connection problems all morning," Dwight mutters. Jim curses and runs off. Dwight smirks as Jim finds the wifi router encased in jello. A lock of hair hangs sloppily off his (Dwight's) brow.
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Jul 14, 2022 18:54
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At the Multiversal Meeting of the Jims, an important point is raised after a hearty discussion of soup. "So should we just ASK what a rundown is, or has too much time passed?" The general consensus is that asking for a clarification on a rundown is, in fact, insanely embarrassing "That episode aired in 2008," says the Jim Who Knows He Was on a TV Show. "It'd be super weird to ask for clarification 14 years later." "Okay, next point then. Does anyone here know what a rundown is?" Muttering from the assembled Jims, followed by disappointed sighs. No one knows. "poo poo," says the Jim Whose Version of the Office is on HBO, "this loving sucks." In a talking head segment, the Jim Who Feels Left Out admits that he does indeed know what a rundown is and has completed one "multiple times without incident". "But I'm not telling those jerks. They didn't come to my Minions viewing party." Jim mugs for the camera.
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Jul 14, 2022 19:02
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The middle part in Dwight’s hair isn’t quite as crisply combed. It looks just a tiny bit floppier than normal. Dwight’s designer Armani mustard yellow shirt is unbuttoned at the neck. “Hey, Jim, what was that great idea you had for a new business? The million dollar one?” Jim, who has spent the morning browsing designer goldfish food on the internet, perks up. “Nobody has ever done this before. It’s brilliant. It’s called AthLead.” Jim leans in conspiratorially. “We hire athletes to help brands advertise theirs things.” “Wow,” says Dwight flatly. “Think of the possibilities. You could have Michael Jordan sell sneakers, or put Michael Phelps on a box of cereal. The possibilities are endless.” “That’s right, Balloon Boy, and don’t steal this idea. It’s going to make me rich. Rich!” “I think you should do it,” says Dwight, “I know it’ll be hard on your marriage to be managing this company in Philadelphia while also working at Dunder Mifflin, but I’m sure Pam will understand. You’re doing this for her future as much as yours.” “You’re right. Thanks, Dwight. You know, you’re a good friend. I’m sorry for the time I strapped a car bomb to your Trans Am, then called the police on you, and then said ‘Talk about an explosive acceleration!’ I’m going to go start this company right now. Thank you.” “Don’t thank me yet,” says Dwight, turning to mug the camera, “you can thank me when AthLeap takes off.”
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Jul 14, 2022 19:14
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I’m into this “Dark Dwight” story arc.
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Jul 14, 2022 21:15
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Dwight discovers that Jim is completely unaware of the Despicable Me movies and that Jim's Minion fandom is based solely on the Minions spin off movie and its sequel Minions: the Rise of Gru. Dwight hates that this bothers him. Jim, nude except for a layer of yellow body paint and a pair of coveralls, mugs the camera as he stands in line to watch Rise of Gru in theaters for the third time.
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Jul 15, 2022 01:37
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| # ? May 29, 2024 19:29 |
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The Awesomesaurus posted:I’m into this “Dark Dwight” story arc. The Dwight who mugs.
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Jul 15, 2022 10:04
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