Arghy posted:

What is this eve or the loving catholic church??

Fermented Tinal posted:

I've been agonizing for days over whether or not to post in this thread. Meanwhile, I've been mashing F5 since this poo poo kicked off.

I don't really know where to begin, other than to say I'm so goddamn sorry for the reprehensible poo poo I did. My time with goonfleet is as filled with good memories and times as it is with regrets. A lot of regrets over things I did. If some of you still hate me, I understand there really isn't much I can do to make up for what I did, and that apologies coming from me probably don't mean much to you. It's deserved.

The past week in this thread has made me run the gamut of emotions, including extreme anxiety over knowing that me posting here could end my tenure on the only forum that ever felt like home to me online. Right now, my heart is racing, and thoughts of, "You're going to end up permabanned," are at the forefront of my mind. There is a mountain of "not a good look" skeletons in my closet.

I would like to set the record straight on a couple of things. I don't know if this will give anyone any insight or closure, but I feel the need to do it.

Earlier in the thread, deadtear and FNLN brought up some events surrounding eronarn, kirtaner, and myself. I felt nothing but shame when this was brought up, but still refrained from posting and that has weighed on me heavily.

Eronarn was not the person who defaced the monument, that was me. And when it comes to that event, I hope I suffer more sleepless nights than the three goons I threw under the bus while I flew out of the country. My chance to make amends to them passed around the moment I threw them under the bus and put them through (from what has been relayed to me) a very hellish experience. These were three people who thought I was their friend, and when the moment came for me to fess up and make good, I poo poo on them and then made good from relative safety and basically got away with it aside from paying to replace the tile and donating like $1500 to a youth camp CCP picked.

When I arrived at Fanfest 2014, I was already pretty burned out on the game, and had unsubbed most of my accounts. I actually only went because I had already bought the ticket and paid for the flight and deposit for the airbnb. This meant the ban, which was only 6 months, not lifetime, meant very little to me, and nobody seemed to care about deadtear constantly calling me out over it. I moved on to other games still under the Imperium banner and found myself in a leadership position in WoL playing MechWarrior Online with a bunch of folks who I fully expect have a much worse opinion of me than I them, considering that I was kicked out after calling Obama the n-word. Eventually I just sorta became a jabber denizen and left jabber after getting tired of arguing with koreamax.

I was also intensely lovely to a transgender member of sigma and my heart breaks thinking about it. I unfairly lashed out at a lot of people because of my own pain and I'm sorry.

I have a lot of sleepless nights over this poo poo. I really wish I could make up for it, but it really feels like I can't do more than offer words.

As for the non-EVE but still bad poo poo...

Coming up with 420chan is, without a doubt, the biggest single regret of my life. That dominos meme of lowtax banning LF leading to Trump being elected, I feel like I, or at least 420chan, was one of the dominos. We definitely had a lot of pedophiles on the site in the early days before the invasion and hacker bullshit, and at times it felt like I was the only person who was trying to keep them away, the /pedo/ board and #pedo irc channel were very real, and I trolled both relentlessly (along with another goon who is suffering from severe mental health struggles so I'll leave his name out) until they left to start 12chan. I never reported a single one of them to the authorities though, because at the time I did not care so much about what they did so long as it was not on my website. Years later, kirt I knew what he was permabanned from here for, and even now I still do not believe that he is a pedophile, though I do think his discord is grooming children (to commit computer crime). I don't associate with him at all anymore, and at the time of this post, 420chan has been offline for about a week, hopefully never to return.

Another thing that was actually very hard for me to read about was the mention of the foursome at the anime convention. Myself, kirt, eronarn, and I think one of the other participants in the foursome, were allowed to crash in someone else's hotel room for the night. I slept on a chair with my bag on the floor next to me, with a bunch of benzos (mainly ativan), and kirt had some amphetamines of some sort (i never found out which) he'd scored along with some mdma. At some point in the night, kirt stole the benzos out of my bag and attempted to intentionally OD on the amphetamines and the benzos, as his girlfriend had just broken up with him, he'd gotten a pity gently caress from another woman, and I assume wanted to die. Anyways, this led to him being not even remotely cognizant of his surroundings or what was going on, and he passed out on the bed with eronarn and the other two. I woke up a few hours later, grabbed my bag, and scooted into the washroom to have a shower because everyone else seemed to be still asleep.

Kirtaner would barely classify as conscious during all of this, the foursome was actually him being sexually assaulted by eronarn and two other men. The only thing I am willing to defend him on is this, he was an unwilling participant and Eronarn assaulted him, and I loving saw it happen. I did nothing about it though, I didn't know kirt wasn't conscious until hours later when frantically searching for the missing benzos and then got caught up in the fact my best friend had intentionally tried to OD rather than that he'd been raped by three men.

Kirtaner was my best friend for a long time (after he was permabanned from here), and we started and ran 420chan together. We had a falling out around the time Chanology was in full swing over the way the site was being run: he wasn't moderating and was using me as a money faucet. We reconnected years later and he got me a job and I was best man at his wedding, to the woman he'd been with for 12 years. We had another falling out around the time he started doing all the "I'm the Founder of Anonymous," and vice news article poo poo. He's gone completely off the deep end and self-medicates with meth. On the other hand, it's very striking to me how much he and mittani act the same, not from the "tweaked out maniac" perspective, but the narcissistic sociopath perspective. Mittani is like Kirtaner if he'd grown up with rich lawyer parents instead of a poor and abusive broken home and vice versa. I think having met both in person is why I see it like that. The parallels are uncanny to me, and I can't help but really feel like I have the absolute loving worst judgement for friends.

gently caress, that feels like a load off but I'm still shaking. Once again, I'm so loving sorry.

FirstnameLastname posted:

h o l y f u c k

hailthefish posted:

Identity is huge. Being part of something bigger than yourself that you can point to and be proud of is a real human urge, even though in the grand scheme of things an internet spaceship guild is kind of a silly thing to build a tribal identity around, it is at the same time a lot less potentially harmful than the sorts of 'real world' tribal identities people can end up invested in.

A lot of the anger and hurt expressed about the culture of harassment and toxicity comes from a place of no longer being able to feel proud about that identity, no longer wanting to identify with a tribe that acts in a way that is so contrary to our personal morals and expectations, feeling disgusted that that identity is being used for ill.

And I think a lot of the vehement denials of wrongdoing and minimizations and plugging-their-ears-and-humming from those who are sticking up for mittens' bullshit is the fear of having that identity threatened, wanting to avoid the dissonance of identifying with something monstrous and so choosing to believe instead that it's all lies made up by those outside the tribe to destroy it.

Kaysette posted:

Rhymenoserous posted:

So uh hey. Eve. Eve online.

Rhymenoserous posted:

Eve. Eve online.

Rhymenoserous posted:

So uh hey. Eve. Eve online.

Rhymenoserous posted:

So uh hey. Eve. Eve online.

BigPaddy posted:

I hear it is a game about spaceships?

BigPaddy posted:

I hear it is a game about spaceships?

Rhymenoserous posted:

I’m losing my mind right now, I think I’m gonna pop a weed gummy and re-read Tinals post because holy poo poo.

Rhymenoserous posted:

I’m losing my mind right now, I think I’m gonna pop a weed gummy and re-read Tinals post because holy poo poo.

Rhymenoserous posted:

I’m losing my mind right now, I think I’m gonna pop a weed gummy and re-read Tinals post because holy poo poo.

FruitNYogurtParfait posted:

If you do this you will be sent straight to hell fyi

FirstnameLastname posted:

h o l y f u c k

Jazzzzz posted:

just checking the tally board of sins here

doxxing
rampant misogyny
casual racism, homophobia, and transphobia
knowingly harboring a pedophile
and now, a literal rape



gas this thread before it gets any worse, jfc

General_Disturbed posted:

I feel this in my soul. I loved this game as a younger man and the culture goons had in it. There is a fantastic video of a fanfest where Suas is singing little bees with DJ and everyone around and looking at that now is just like a hole where something good used to be. Everybody who made this game good is just gone or burned out or turned out to be a giant shitler. I was listing out on discord the squads and groups I was in over the years that had a gun put to their head in the name of ~THE IMPERIUM~ and just laughing that Delta Squad is just the next one as I watch all my remaining eve friends discuss whether they'll even bother to continue playing now that it was their turn on the chopping block.

Jazzzzz posted:

just checking the tally board of sins here

doxxing
rampant misogyny
casual racism, homophobia, and transphobia
knowingly harboring a pedophile
and now, a literal rape



gas this thread before it gets any worse, jfc

ullerrm posted:

Some real talk for a second. What you're feeling is hindsight being 20/20. It's important, because it helps us learn to be better -- but it can also be a ravenous loving brainmonster that sucks all the loving joy out of your memories.

It's important to let it have its say, but don't give it more than you have to. Keep your good memories. Acknowledge that you didn't notice some of the currents under the surface back then, and next time you'll keep a better eye on folks. And then move on, take the good and leave the bad.

Jazzzzz posted:

just checking the tally board of sins here

doxxing
rampant misogyny
casual racism, homophobia, and transphobia
knowingly harboring a pedophile
and now, a literal rape



gas this thread before it gets any worse, jfc

Frank Frank posted:

CAN IT GET WORSE? Can it REALLY?

Rhymenoserous posted:

It’s cool

Jazzzzz posted:

just checking the tally board of sins here

doxxing
rampant misogyny
casual racism, homophobia, and transphobia
knowingly harboring a pedophile
and now, a literal rape



gas this thread before it gets any worse, jfc

The Shortest Path posted:

If you think that's bad, a log just got posted of someone confessing to murder and illegally entering Iran to extirpate someone.

No, this isn't a joke. I wish it was.

Frank Frank posted:

“So why’d you quit Eve online”

/tugs nervously at collar

“Well I saw this guy passed out on benzos get gang raped”

/cue laugh track

/bowtie spins