funny politics shit you remember: The Maltese Failson

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > C-SPAM > funny politics shit you remember: The Maltese Failson

ben shapino: Nov 22, 2020

Jon Irenicus posted:

when the "power went out" at a mayor Pete rally so there could be a spontaneous, uplifting moment about lighting up the darkness

when they landed a mini drone decoy bird on bernie's podium to make a viral moment

# ? Jul 16, 2022 02:00

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# ? May 26, 2024 00:24

Jon Irenicus: Apr 23, 2008; YO ASSHOLE

ben shapino posted:

when they landed a mini drone decoy bird on bernie's podium to make a viral moment

when they finally broke out the Heart Attack Gun for Bernie

# ? Jul 16, 2022 02:06

RandomBlue: Dec 30, 2012; hay guys!; Biscuit Hider

when I voted

# ? Jul 16, 2022 02:14

LIVE AMMO COSPLAY: Feb 3, 2006

ben shapino posted:

when they landed a mini drone decoy bird on bernie's podium to make a viral moment

Must have been one of those fake birds that they used to try and blow Castro up

# ? Jul 16, 2022 02:31

Mind_Taker: May 7, 2007

ben shapino posted:

went looking for the ruthkanda forever tweet, which is deleted and her account is still protected 2 years later, but found this wonderful assortment

https://twitter.com/kenklippenstein/status/1307194918117478401

if I didn�t read the author I would have sworn the Michelle Tafoya tweet was actually from getfiscal

# ? Jul 16, 2022 02:40

Carthag Tuek: Oct 15, 2005; Tider skal komme,
tider skal henrulle,
sl�gt skal f�lge sl�gters gang

Mind_Taker posted:

if I didn�t read the author I would have sworn the Michelle Tafoya tweet was actually from getfiscal

he's that good

# ? Jul 16, 2022 02:42

Animal Friend: Sep 7, 2011

Who's white house career was funnier: The Mooch or Ducklo?

# ? Jul 16, 2022 03:57

Bendhozia: Jul 12, 2022

Jon Irenicus posted:

when they finally broke out the Heart Attack Gun for Bernie

Oh poo poo, Smooth Bernie :berninator:

# ? Jul 16, 2022 04:10

Tempora Mutantur: Feb 22, 2005

RandomBlue posted:

when I voted

# ? Jul 16, 2022 10:22

Zvahl: Oct 14, 2005; научный кот

kamala harris gave up the cushiest, easiest sinecure possible in being a dem senator from california, the electoral equivalent of bowling gutter bumpers, in order to make her benzo problem public and attach her ship to a racist she called out because he used to and still opposes integration

# ? Jul 16, 2022 11:45

moist turtleneck: Jul 17, 2003; Represent.; Dinosaur Gum

It is loving wild how barred out she was in the debates

lol Twitter yeah I'm sure there's no videos

Same thing if I spell Kamala correctly

# ? Jul 16, 2022 11:54

Kazzah: Jul 15, 2011; Formerly known as
Krazyface; Hair Elf

Animal Friend posted:

Who's white house career was funnier: The Mooch or Ducklo?

man mooch week was fucken awesome

# ? Jul 16, 2022 11:58

gimme the GOD DAMN candy: Jul 1, 2007

ducklo was just a lovely dude with a funny name. mooch burned down his entire life because he thought trump would be his new dad.

# ? Jul 16, 2022 13:33

Bendhozia: Jul 12, 2022

Kazzah posted:

man mooch week was fucken awesome

All the shadow factions jockeying in the Trump Palace jointly leaking their disapproval. That got our interest ahead of his first press conference and we immediately understood

# ? Jul 16, 2022 13:46

DACK FAYDEN: Feb 25, 2013; Bear Witness

gimme the GOD drat candy posted:

ducklo was just a lovely dude with a funny name. mooch burned down his entire life because he thought trump would be his new dad.

Embed Ducklo

(And Bates)

# ? Jul 16, 2022 14:40

paul_soccer12: Jan 5, 2020; by Fluffdaddy

RBG had nothing but contempt for black Americans

If she did have anything else for them it certainly wasn't a clerk job

She also ruled at least once that Amercan Indians can go gently caress themselves if they don't want a pipeline on their sovereign land

# ? Jul 16, 2022 17:58

the white hand: Nov 12, 2016; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Barbarians need to be educated

# ? Jul 16, 2022 18:49

Ruffian Price: Sep 17, 2016

# ? Jul 16, 2022 20:00

indigi: Jul 20, 2004; ^{how can we not talk about family

when family's all that we got?}

paul_soccer12 posted:

RBG had nothing but contempt for black Americans

If she did have anything else for them it certainly wasn't a clerk job

She also ruled at least once that Amercan Indians can go gently caress themselves if they don't want a pipeline on their sovereign land

didn�t she always rule against Native/reservation rights in SC cases

# ? Jul 16, 2022 23:24

taqueso: Mar 8, 2004

Ok Boomer

Kinda surprised I forgot that one tbh

# ? Jul 17, 2022 01:04

Bendhozia: Jul 12, 2022

The Cool Zone got Ice Phisherman writing erotic antifa fiction so he launched a collaborative modernization of The Canterbury Tales

Ice Phisherman posted:

Behold the folk that you now see
Brave people of leftist tendencies
For those black lives that they do cheer
They gathered together, defying fear

It is for justice that they stan
They prepare to muster, to caravan
A pilgrimage they�ll undertake
For freedom they themselves must make

Today they�ll risk their lives and limbs
Endure will they the evil whims
Of police with whom that they will clash
So sayeth the brave, �gently caress the fash�

And though disease doth spread apace
No longer shelter in their place
Daredevils they, these stout of heart
Their dwellings now they do depart

These lions they, that in their hour
Live harder and faster than any coward
Candles they burn twice as bright
And fly do they to noble fights

But as those flames do burn lick
Even they need to dip their wicks
Yes I speak of love and lust
For passions are denied to us

Though some think these urges crude
How priggish these awful prudes
Who bray that horny is forbidden
Consign these people to the midden

Normal is our lust and love
As grass below, as birds above
The fervent wish to just be equal
To remind us we are all just people

As caravans do hit the trail
I ask these riders to tell their tales
Of freedom fought and freedom won
And love and lust and revolution

--

What just happened?

Oh hi, I'm Ice Phisherman. Resident crank, cyberpunk author and effort poster. For those not reading the Cool Zone thread, someone recently posted their displeasure with the selection of romance/erotic literature for antifascists. The book she read contained no romance, no sex, no story, no antifascists and may have been written by Ben Shapiro, who seems incapable of even saying the word pussy.

As a joke, I flexed my old erotica and romance writer chops and said that if there was enough interest, I would write an antifascist erotic short. It went on to get empty quoted over a hundred times (or at least I assume so, it ate up a lot of pages) and so here I am.

In short:

So why the rhyming couplets?

So many people were interested that this set a high bar for me. I didn't think it would be enough to poo poo post and laugh. I mean I'm still going to do that, don't get me wrong, I'm just not only going to do that. I'm setting up a kind of sandbox for people to play around in if they so choose based on a well known piece of literature, The Canterbury Tales, but mixed with erotica and anti-fascism.

Erotic Anti-fascist Canterbury Tales?

You got it.

If you've ever read the Canterbury Tales, these are the themes: Social satire, courtly love/sexual desire, companionship, corruption of the church and a few others. With a little tweaking to update them for today you get social satire, love/sex, camaraderie and corruption of the government. Not too different. Though I'm basically done with rhyming at this point. If you want to rhyme, that's your business. I just wanted to set the tone.

If antifascists are going to be accused of riding in caravans from town to town, I think it's time to embrace that and make it our own and how better to own it than to tell stories? Where Chaucer, the author of "The Canterbury Tales" wrote, "The Knight's Tale", "The Miller's Tale", "The Reeve's Tale" and so on, a more contemporary story of "The Caravan Tales" would be say, "A Medic's Tale", "A Journalist's Tale" or "A Streamer's Tale" or just simply "A Protester's Tale". As I assume there might be more than one medic or journalist or streamer and almost always more than protester at an event, though the people who protest solo are cool as gently caress. So if two people want to write "A Medic's Tale" or something like it, I'm all for it. Every protest should have more than one medic. And so I want to create a place where stories are told for everyone who makes up the protest movement. Their stories told with sexy times added, because that's the theme that goons demanded of me after I offered it and here I am, running with it.

Can I Just Shitpost Antifa Erotica even if it doesn't fit the theme?

Hell yeah you can. Even though this is based off Chaucer, I'm not expecting Chaucer. Also at no point do I expect you to rhyme. If you want to write fiction named "Antifa gently caress Machine" riding to the protest on a nuclear powered motorcycle across a blasted post-apocalyptic hellscape, shooting Nazis and picking up scantily clad people who swoon at your very touch, Heavy Metal style, loving go for it. This is just a sandbox and I'm not going to be mad if you don't want to play in it so long as you

Any Rules?

Be gay and do crimes, but don't do sex crimes. Write erotica that is as filthy as you want, but make sure everyone is of a legal age and consenting. Also it almost goes without saying, but if it's neither sexy nor funny, goons will probably make fun of you. The ratio of sexy and funny is up to you. Or hell, if you want to be true to life, speak from your experiences, that's cool too as long as you

# ? Jul 17, 2022 01:06

Jon Irenicus: Apr 23, 2008; YO ASSHOLE

John Kasich held on in the 2016 Republican primary as long as possible and proceeded to spend that time gorging himself at local eateries refusing to answer questions from reporters

# ? Jul 17, 2022 01:11

Jon Irenicus: Apr 23, 2008; YO ASSHOLE

John Kerry, having served in Vietnam and testified in Congress to the fact the US soldiers were committing war crimes as part of the Winter Soldier Investigations, accepted the 2004 nomination from the Democratic Party by yelling that he was "reporting for duty."

# ? Jul 17, 2022 01:15

Kitfox88: Aug 21, 2007; Anybody lose their glasses?

Jon Irenicus posted:

John Kasich held on in the 2016 Republican primary as long as possible and proceeded to spend that time gorging himself at local eateries refusing to answer questions from reporters

smartest man in the field

# ? Jul 17, 2022 01:22

Spergin Morlock: Aug 8, 2009

Jon Irenicus posted:

John Kerry, having served in Vietnam and testified in Congress to the fact the US soldiers were committing war crimes as part of the Winter Soldier Investigations, accepted the 2004 nomination from the Democratic Party by yelling that he was "reporting for duty."

lol

# ? Jul 17, 2022 06:21

Animal Friend: Sep 7, 2011

Swift Boat Veterans for Truth

# ? Jul 17, 2022 12:31

Private Cumshoe: Feb 15, 2019; AAAAAAAGAGHAAHGGAH

Poland

# ? Jul 17, 2022 12:32

MikeCrotch: Nov 5, 2011; I AM UNJUSTIFIABLY PROUD OF MY SPAGHETTI BOLOGNESE RECIPE

YES, IT IS AN INCREDIBLY SIMPLE DISH

NO, IT IS NOT NORMAL TO USE A PEPPERAMI INSTEAD OF MINCED MEAT

YES, THERE IS TOO MUCH SALT IN MY RECIPE

NO, I WON'T STOP SHARING IT

more like BOLLOCKnese

Private Cumshoe posted:

Poland

Guess who got divided bro

# ? Jul 17, 2022 13:35

HootTheOwl: May 13, 2012; Hootin and shootin

Private Cumshoe posted:

Poland

So you forgot Poland until just now?

# ? Jul 17, 2022 13:43

bertolt rekt: Jul 30, 2007

Ice Phisherman posted:

As a joke, I flexed my old erotica and romance writer chops and said that if there was enough interest, I would write an antifascist erotic short.

can some one please bury me after I dig my own grave and lkie down in it

# ? Jul 17, 2022 15:01

Animal-Mother: Feb 14, 2012; RABBIT RABBIT
RABBIT RABBIT

Animal Friend posted:

Swift Boat Veterans for Truth

And it turned out to be just one guy and he hadn't served anywhere near Kerry.

# ? Jul 17, 2022 17:53

guidoanselmi: Feb 6, 2008; I thought my ideas were so clear. I wanted to make an honest post. No lies whatsoever.

The success of the Power Rangers was a major(?) driver in the Israeli lobby's capture of the Democratic Party

# ? Jul 17, 2022 17:57

Mr. Lobe: Feb 23, 2007; ... Dry bones...

guidoanselmi posted:

The success of the Power Rangers was a major(?) driver in the Israeli lobby's capture of the Democratic Party

Is this to do with Saban

# ? Jul 17, 2022 18:00

projecthalaxy: Dec 27, 2008; Yes hello it is I Kurt's Secret Son

Private Cumshoe posted:

Poland

International investment counts as politics

# ? Jul 17, 2022 18:07

guidoanselmi: Feb 6, 2008; I thought my ideas were so clear. I wanted to make an honest post. No lies whatsoever.

Mr. Lobe posted:

Is this to do with Saban

# ? Jul 17, 2022 18:09

indigi: Jul 20, 2004; ^{how can we not talk about family

when family's all that we got?}

projecthalaxy posted:

International investment counts as politics

just ask China

# ? Jul 17, 2022 19:31

gimme the GOD DAMN candy: Jul 1, 2007

there's nothing to say, really. you just have to figure out what sort of inhuman impostor has taken your child's place. there are so many options, after all. changelings, possession, snatcher, pod person, etc. and they all have different methods of detection, so there's no point in wasting time interrogating the creature.

# ? Jul 17, 2022 20:22

MikeCrotch: Nov 5, 2011; I AM UNJUSTIFIABLY PROUD OF MY SPAGHETTI BOLOGNESE RECIPE

YES, IT IS AN INCREDIBLY SIMPLE DISH

NO, IT IS NOT NORMAL TO USE A PEPPERAMI INSTEAD OF MINCED MEAT

YES, THERE IS TOO MUCH SALT IN MY RECIPE

NO, I WON'T STOP SHARING IT

more like BOLLOCKnese

AOC at the wall

# ? Jul 17, 2022 21:28

Animal-Mother: Feb 14, 2012; RABBIT RABBIT
RABBIT RABBIT

MikeCrotch posted:

AOC at the wall

Her eyes teary

Biden, when, you know, the thing

# ? Jul 17, 2022 21:36

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# ? May 26, 2024 00:24

Excelzior: Jun 24, 2013

Guaido, when the seal fell

# ? Jul 17, 2022 21:37

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