PYF: Funny Forum Quotes: Agent (7)47

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The Anime Liker: Aug 8, 2009; by VideoGames

Platystemon posted:

Judaism’s “God has a deep appreciation of rules-lawyering” is a valid solution to the problem.

Me, all knowing god: "Don't eat bugs"

Mike the blasphemous Pope: "Eat spiders. Got it."

Me: "I said no bugs. Spiders are bugs."

Mike: "Well spiders are arachnids not insects"

Me: "Oh I hadn't thought of thaaaa....."

*reality collapses on itself*

I mean, come on. God didn't say that he likes rules-lawyering. Man did. Now you're two layers deep on thinking you're outwitting God.

The Anime Liker has a new favorite as of 22:40 on Jul 20, 2022

# ? Jul 20, 2022 22:38

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# ? May 23, 2024 10:45

fool of sound: Oct 10, 2012

My favorite Bible moment is when God himself shows up to murder Moses for not circumcising his sons but his wife gets a piece of flint and does it on the spot so God goes away.

# ? Jul 20, 2022 22:54

Kingo Ligma: Aug 24, 2019; Ask me about calling people racist because I failed geography.

fool of sound posted:

My favorite Bible moment is when God himself shows up to murder Moses for not circumcising his sons but his wife gets a piece of flint and does it on the spot so God goes away.

My favourite bible moment is 15 centuries of absolutely brutal repression, bigotry, and general untold evil

# ? Jul 20, 2022 22:57

The Anime Liker: Aug 8, 2009; by VideoGames

I like the story of Job because it shows the Judeo-Christian god is a gambling addict and a messy bitch who loves drama.

# ? Jul 20, 2022 22:57

Platystemon: Feb 13, 2012; BREADS

The Anime Liker posted:

I like the story of Job because it shows the Judeo-Christian god is a gambling addict and a messy bitch who loves drama.

Or at least man says that god is a gambling addict and a messy bitch who loves drama. :tinfoil:

# ? Jul 20, 2022 23:00

Milo and POTUS: Sep 3, 2017; I will not shut up about the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I talk about them all the time and work them into every conversation I have. I built a shrine in my room for the yellow one who died because sadly no one noticed because she died around 9/11. Wanna see it?

All I learned from the bible is you can fight god and when you start winning he'll cheat

# ? Jul 20, 2022 23:03

The Anime Liker: Aug 8, 2009; by VideoGames

Platystemon posted:

Or at least man says that god is a gambling addict and a messy bitch who loves drama.

Well the Bible was written by God. I'm just reporting facts. God says God is a She's All That villain-rear end bitchy mean girl.

# ? Jul 20, 2022 23:03

Vincent Van Goatse: Nov 8, 2006; Enjoy every sandwich.; Smellrose

The Anime Liker posted:

Well the Bible was written by God. I'm just reporting facts.

No it wasn't. Like it doesn't even claim to be written by God.

# ? Jul 20, 2022 23:14

Captain Invictus: Apr 5, 2005; Try reading some manga!; Clever Betty

The Anime Liker posted:

I like the story of Job because it shows the Judeo-Christian god is a gambling addict and a messy bitch who loves drama.

you might enjoy Woolie vs God, the animated tangents from Woolie on the Super Best Friends podcast where he derails into talking about various biblical stories in a succinct and often hilarious way. man I wish there were more than the like 5 that exist
"Lucky Job"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJZbLtbuWKM&hd=1

"Purgatory Babies"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3pwVEVj3Gzc&hd=1

"Scumbag Jacob"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iibnwMwpmiI&hd=1

"Cain Brought the Sides"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GYBW97Z4IMw&hd=1

and the original from a different animator, "Biblical Best Friends"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zgkc7PPOxKY

# ? Jul 20, 2022 23:14

Danaru: Jun 5, 2012; 何 ??

That one story about the arguing Rabbis where God came down and said "this guy is right", prompting the other Rabbis to go "who the gently caress asked you get outta here" :allears:

I'm paraphrasing slightly but it rules

# ? Jul 20, 2022 23:58

Khizan: Jul 30, 2013

Danaru posted:

That one story about the arguing Rabbis where God came down and said "this guy is right", prompting the other Rabbis to go "who the gently caress asked you get outta here" I'm paraphrasing slightly but it rules

The Oven of Akhnai

# ? Jul 21, 2022 00:04

Platystemon: Feb 13, 2012; BREADS

It�s a good story.

# ? Jul 21, 2022 00:05

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
🧙🐀🧹🌙🪄🐸

I'm currently learning a great deal of bible from Sunday School Dropouts

# ? Jul 21, 2022 00:06

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

The Anime Liker posted:

I like the story of Job because it shows the Judeo-Christian god is a gambling addict and a messy bitch who loves drama.

"Judeo-Christian" is a fake idea racist Western Christians made up to distance themselves from Nazis. :shrug:

# ? Jul 21, 2022 00:09

The Anime Liker: Aug 8, 2009; by VideoGames

Absurd Alhazred posted:

"Judeo-Christian" is a fake idea racist Western Christians made up to distance themselves from Nazis.

Oh.

Is Abrahamic right? I think that's right.

You know, the lovely desert religions that are weird about sex and are pro-slavery.

# ? Jul 21, 2022 00:11

Platystemon: Feb 13, 2012; BREADS

The Anime Liker posted:

Oh.

Is Abrahamic right? I think that's right.

�Abrahamic� also includes Islam.

That�s the difference.

# ? Jul 21, 2022 00:13

Alaois: Feb 7, 2012

Kingo Ligma posted:

My favourite bible moment is 15 centuries of absolutely brutal repression, bigotry, and general untold evil

that would have been there without the bible

# ? Jul 21, 2022 00:16

Vanadium: Jan 8, 2005

I think "Judeo-Christian" is when I want to talk about why my specifically Christian opinions are actually fundamental societal values but also want to kinda make it sound a little like people who disagree with me are antisemitic.

# ? Jul 21, 2022 00:16

The Anime Liker: Aug 8, 2009; by VideoGames

Vanadium posted:

I think "Judeo-Christian" is when I want to talk about why my specifically Christian opinions are actually fundamental societal values but also want to kinda make it sound a little like people who disagree with me are antisemitic.

In my experience the people who think Jesus is real are enthusiastically antisemitic.

# ? Jul 21, 2022 00:17

Milo and POTUS: Sep 3, 2017; I will not shut up about the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I talk about them all the time and work them into every conversation I have. I built a shrine in my room for the yellow one who died because sadly no one noticed because she died around 9/11. Wanna see it?

Splicer posted:

I'm currently learning a great deal of bible from Sunday School Dropouts

Standing outside the church in leather jackets and smoking cigs

# ? Jul 21, 2022 00:33

Kingo Ligma: Aug 24, 2019; Ask me about calling people racist because I failed geography.

Alaois posted:

that would have been there without the bible

Not the specific flavour we got, maybe not at all. Not all civilizations were loving garbage.

# ? Jul 21, 2022 00:37

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
🧙🐀🧹🌙🪄🐸

Milo and POTUS posted:

Standing outside the church in leather jackets and smoking cigs

Yes but also it's a podcast

# ? Jul 21, 2022 00:40

Alaois: Feb 7, 2012

Kingo Ligma posted:

Not the specific flavour we got, maybe not at all. Not all civilizations were loving garbage.

oh yeah for sure lmao

# ? Jul 21, 2022 00:48

Milo and POTUS: Sep 3, 2017; I will not shut up about the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I talk about them all the time and work them into every conversation I have. I built a shrine in my room for the yellow one who died because sadly no one noticed because she died around 9/11. Wanna see it?

Which aren't because I've been working on a time machine

# ? Jul 21, 2022 00:52

Outrail: Jan 4, 2009; www.sapphicrobotica.com

Khizan posted:

The Oven of Akhnai

JFC throw every single thing involved in that story into a volcano, including the author, god and the oven. What a tedious bunch of assholes.

E: and the stream and the tree and the walls. Especially the walls.

# ? Jul 21, 2022 00:53

Kingo Ligma: Aug 24, 2019; Ask me about calling people racist because I failed geography.

Alaois posted:

oh yeah for sure lmao

Stop hanging out with youth pastors

# ? Jul 21, 2022 01:01

Jedit: Dec 10, 2011; Proudly supporting vanilla legends 1994-2014

The Anime Liker posted:

I mean, come on. God didn't say that he likes rules-lawyering. Man did. Now you're two layers deep on thinking you're outwitting God.

The principle is that God is omniscient, so if there is a loophole in his instructions he must have meant for you to use it if you're smart enough to find it. You're not outwitting him - he's rewarding you.

# ? Jul 21, 2022 01:01

Zulily Zoetrope: Jun 1, 2011; Muldoon

Except when he incarnates himself as a son of man and shows up at your temple and whips your rear end. You oughta take the L on that one.

# ? Jul 21, 2022 01:05

Outrail: Jan 4, 2009; www.sapphicrobotica.com

Jedit posted:

The principle is that God is omniscient, so if there is a loophole in his instructions he must have meant for you to use it if you're smart enough to find it. You're not outwitting him - he's rewarding you.

If I murder the pope and burn down the Vatican and nobody stops me I shouldn't be punished if I'm caught after the fact, obviously god wanted it to happen because he let it happen.

But it I'm caught and punished then he DID want me to be caught and punished.

Basically whatever happens is god's plan, so why even bother having commandments and religious rules?

:thunk:

Outrail has a new favorite as of 01:10 on Jul 21, 2022

# ? Jul 21, 2022 01:07

The Anime Liker: Aug 8, 2009; by VideoGames

Outrail posted:

If I murder the pope and burn down the Vatican and nobody stops me I shouldn't be punished if I'm caught after the fact, obviously god wanted it to happen because he let it happen.

But it I'm caught and punished then he DID want me to be caught and punished.

Basically whatever happens is god's plan, so why even bother having commandments and religious rules?

Because this idea you just posted: God's plan

# ? Jul 21, 2022 01:12

Platystemon: Feb 13, 2012; BREADS

Outrail posted:

JFC throw every single thing involved in that story into a volcano, including the author, god and the oven. What a tedious bunch of assholes.

E: and the stream and the tree and the walls. Especially the walls.

Jesus parachute account spotted.

# ? Jul 21, 2022 01:14

Platystemon: Feb 13, 2012; BREADS

Outrail posted:

If I murder the pope and burn down the Vatican and nobody stops me I shouldn't be punished if I'm caught after the fact, obviously god wanted it to happen because he let it happen.

But it I'm caught and punished then he DID want me to be caught and punished.

Basically whatever happens is god's plan, so why even bother having commandments and religious rules?

You don�t even need to invoke god for this.

It�s just hard determinism.

Your brain is an electrochemical computer whose state is a product of the circumstances of your birth and the experiences you have had since.

All that free will you think you have? Your brain just acted on input.

# ? Jul 21, 2022 01:17

CharlestheHammer: Jun 26, 2011; YOU SAY MY POSTS ARE THE RAVINGS OF THE DUMBEST PERSON ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH BUT YOU YOURSELF ARE READING THEM. CURIOUS!

Outrail posted:

If I murder the pope and burn down the Vatican and nobody stops me I shouldn't be punished if I'm caught after the fact, obviously god wanted it to happen because he let it happen.

But it I'm caught and punished then he DID want me to be caught and punished.

Basically whatever happens is god's plan, so why even bother having commandments and religious rules?

You reinvented Calvinism

# ? Jul 21, 2022 01:29

zedprime: Jun 9, 2007; yospos

Outrail posted:

If I murder the pope and burn down the Vatican and nobody stops me I shouldn't be punished if I'm caught after the fact, obviously god wanted it to happen because he let it happen.

But it I'm caught and punished then he DID want me to be caught and punished.

Basically whatever happens is god's plan, so why even bother having commandments and religious rules?

You're basically just explaining why religions have a use for communal and consensual interpretation over divine omnipotence. Like this is just the Oven of Akhnai with a different subject matter. If by some divine miracle you burn down the Vatican you're still an rear end in a top hat as calculated by the faculties God has provided us which is divinity of its own.

# ? Jul 21, 2022 01:29

DontMockMySmock: Aug 9, 2008; I got this title for the dumbest fucking possible take on sea shanties. Specifically, I derailed the meme thread because sailors in the 18th century weren't woke enough for me, and you shouldn't sing sea shanties. In fact, don't have any fun ever.

Splicer posted:

Sunday School Dropouts

highly recommend this podcast; it's a great place to learn about evil gently caress angels and nasty fig boys

# ? Jul 21, 2022 01:30

Sir Lemming: Jan 27, 2009; It's a piece of JUNK!

Jedit posted:

Incidentally, if this sounds to you like a bunch of 1st century CE rabbis invented cryptocurrency, you're not altogether wrong. Nothing really changes.

It was all the more odious because as originally written, the laws about sacrifices seemed pretty clearly intended to scale for whatever people were able to afford. Like if the best livestock you have are a couple of birds, that's cool, just bring one of the good ones, not like a half bird that you found on the way here.

# ? Jul 21, 2022 03:08

Milo and POTUS: Sep 3, 2017; I will not shut up about the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I talk about them all the time and work them into every conversation I have. I built a shrine in my room for the yellow one who died because sadly no one noticed because she died around 9/11. Wanna see it?

Sacrifice the good son

# ? Jul 21, 2022 03:10