Foo Diddley posted:

AITA for not being a 'good neighbor '

quote:

My son is starting middle school and they have to pick one elective. He wanted to take wood shop because that's the "cool" class and I said no.

I want him to learn a foreign language, preferably French since I speak some of it. It would be nice to have someone to talk to and brush up on my French skills. Plus it's more useful than learning how to make a derby car and chasing your friends around with sticks. He can take bullshit electives in high school.

He had a fit over it and his mom thinks he's old enough to pick his own elective.

Edit:Yes he will speak French to me because I won't respond to him if he asks me for something not in French.

Invisible Clergy posted:

AITA for choosing my son's elective?

Invisible Clergy posted:

AITA for choosing my son's elective?

quote:

I'm 25(f) and my wedding was last week I'm currently on a road trip with my husband for our honeymoon and this has been bugging me since the big scene at my wedding

Let me make this clear, MIL is a mother from hell she hates me for the simple reason that no girl is good enough for her son and that I'm the witch who stole him from her, she does not listen to my husband at all and believes I'm the evil witch who's corrupted him against her

While we were dating she'd do alot of crap to me to get a rise or reaction usually negative from me and at first I'd react exactly how she wanted but eventually I got tired and just went along with her crap, feeding me food I dislike okay I'll eat it, lying about what day I was going dress shopping and not answering her calls anymore check

Basically she's gotten more and more unhinged and pissed off because I've stopped reacting and my FIL and other in laws have been telling me to stop my antics because MIL usually ends up taking it out on them

The straw that broke the dam happened at my wedding, I didn't have a traditional wedding, it was at a lakeside and the reception was an outdoor BBQ I wore a red sundress because I like red and I was planning on swimming later, MIL showed up in a white dress that bordered on wedding dress and when she found out that I was wearing a red sundress she got pissed, my brother and husband ended up having to drag her out of the lakeside and get my FIL to take her home due to the tantrum she threw

Anyway she's been making life miserable for everyone back home and blaming me for it, my husband's on my side and supports how i react to his mother but my other In laws are telling me to stop being childish because they have to deal with the consequences of my actions with how MIL acts and their sick of my immaturity and to just do what MIL says

quote:

I wore a red sundress because I like red and I was planning on swimming later, MIL showed up in a white dress that bordered on wedding dress and when she found out that I was wearing a red sundress she got pissed

quote:

My dad is in his early 40s and his new wife is in her mid 20s. I'm a college student living at home.

I'm pretty sure she got accidentally pregnant from a fling, and that's how they ended up marrying. I've never had that outright confirmed but that's what I suspect. It felt super weird at first; she's closer to my age then my dad's.

I kept my distance at first, even when she moved in, I was just trying to ignore the weirdness. But over time, I got to know her. She seemed lonely, sad that she and I didn't have more of a relationship, she obviously missed her friends who she moved away from.

So I asked my friends in college if it would be weird to invite her out; I thought she might appreciate some time where she didn't have to be "Mommy" to a baby and could just hang out with other adults. They said it was worth a try.

So, I invited her to a party. It was a mix of undergrad and grad school students, plus a few recent alumni. And it was a great time.

We both got quite drunk at that party and had one of our realest talks, she opened up about not feeling ready for motherhood. Wanting to get along with me but not knowing how to approach it because it's not like sure could be a parent to me like she could be to a small kid, but she still wanted us to be family, of a sort. Turns out, we both feel weird about having a stepmom/stepchild relationship because we're close in age, but we both wanted to support each other as family anyway.

And after that party, we got closer. I invited her out to more stuff, she made friends with some of my friends. We've even gotten to a point where we sarcastically call each other stuff like "moooom" and "ungrateful child" when we're poking fun at each other.

But I guess our friendship and the stuff we do together is making some stress in the relationship between her and my dad. I don't know too many details, but I've overheard and picked up on some stuff. He's mad she's drinking and smoking weed when she's breastfeeding later. He's not happy she's going out so much and leaving him with the baby. She's not happy he seems to want her to do most of the parenting stuff.

My dad say me down and had a talk with me yesterday, saying that she's a mother now, I can't just invite her to party with my college friends. She's not a carefree student, they're trying to build a life together, and I need to treat her like a mother of a baby, not a party friend.

I said my friends do a lot more than party, and it's insulting to say otherwise. He got frustrated with me for missing the point.

Anyway, I don't think she and I did anything wrong. Just trying to make the best of a weird situation. But my dad obviously thinks differently. And the whole thing is so weird I don't know what's normal, or the right way to navigate it

TLDR - I'm relating to my dad's new wife like a friend rather than a mom. Not sure if I'm making a mistake.

DemoneeHo posted:

AITA for not reacting to my MIL antics anymore?

The power to drive another person mad by doing absolutely nothing is a strong one. Use it often.

Anyways, i can't imagine a family more spineless than these in-laws.

DemoneeHo posted:

AITA for not reacting to my MIL antics anymore?

The power to drive another person mad by doing absolutely nothing is a strong one. Use it often.

Anyways, i can't imagine a family more spineless than these in-laws.

pentyne posted:

so, she's ignoring the MIL's behavior? and the family is demanding that she....have massive temper tantrums instead?

pentyne posted:

so, she's ignoring the MIL's behavior? and the family is demanding that she....have massive temper tantrums instead?

OP posted:

Me and my husband are considering going NC with his side of the family he's tired of their poo poo too and they have no idea I'm currently pregnant

I was only considering low contact due to that but honestly I'm tired of dealing with this and don't want our kid dealing with them either

We're gonna talk to my family when we get back home, we're planning on moving for my husband's work anyway so the move would only affect my family

pentyne posted:

so, she's ignoring the MIL's behavior? and the family is demanding that she....have massive temper tantrums instead?

quote:

My inlaws said they knew that I knew that she was gonna wear a white dress and I should have worn one too so she could have gotten the attention since it's only one day and I could have pleased her for once since I've been ignoring her

Hughlander posted:

EDIT: Oh man no they're loving crazy.

Hughlander posted:

"So let me get this straight, I'm being childish by <checks notes> not throwing a temper tantrum? Is that your position?"

EDIT: Oh man no they're loving crazy.

DemoneeHo posted:

AITA for not reacting to my MIL antics anymore?

The power to drive another person mad by doing absolutely nothing is a strong one. Use it often.

Anyways, i can't imagine a family more spineless than these in-laws.

Invisible Clergy posted:

AITA for choosing my son's elective?

He can take bullshit electives in high school.

Captain Hygiene posted:

"I wish more parents would realize that their kids learning multiple languages is a good thing" *finger curls on monkey's paw*

quote:

Good on you for not being a lightning rod. It is almost like they are asking you to be abused so they won't be. In fact, that is specifically what they are asking.

op posted:

Oh that's what they wanted I overheard my SIL talking about how I was suppose to be the one to finally give them a break

op posted:

She tried to pick a fight with me about my dress, pushed me, my brother and husband told her to leave after that and she refused so they dragged her away

Ever seen those sitcoms or movies where they drag someone away kicking and screaming, yeah that was her

quote:

But PLEASE tell me more about the fight she tried to pick with you about your dress! (I’m addicted to this drama!) Was she like, “Your dress is supposed to be white!” while she’s literally wearing a white dress??

op posted:

Basically she asked me why I was wearing red, a bride wears white, I told her that's untrue some cultures have red or blue as wedding colors, she told us were in America and I just said yes but white is for virgins

And you can imagine how that went

op posted:

And I'm not even mentioning what she's called our future kids, their gonna be biracial since I'm Latina

op posted:

They basically want me to fight with her, before I'd mentioned that I can't eat something because of my intolerance and she'd cry about how she didn't know (she knows I have stomach issues) and how she doesn't have anything else for me and everyone else would tell me to suck it up a stomach ache can be fixed with pepto and that MIL is just being kind

Basically they want me to react to her because if I don't she gets mad at them instead

op posted:

They said I should have let her have the attendance that I'd have years of anniversaries and my honeymoon and that I should have let her have the day with her son

Since I'm gonna have him for the rest od our natural lives and until I die she has to share my husband

Kurieg posted:

Kurieg posted:

quote:

Basically she asked me why I was wearing red, a bride wears white, I told her that's untrue some cultures have red or blue as wedding colors, she told us were in America and I just said yes but white is for virgins

And you can imagine how that went

Kurieg posted:

she told us were in America and I just said yes but white is for virgins

And you can imagine how that went

Hawkperson posted:

Middle school elective teacher here. The kids who were obviously forced in by their parents are the worst kind of assholes (and who can blame them, I would have had a year-long temper tantrum if I hadn’t gotten the elective I wanted as a kid) Please don’t inflict your lovely parenting on me tia

quote:

My girlfriend had a kinda rough upbringing and now she turned out really successful. She's also probably the most self confident and self assured person I know. Which I really admire, but just once in a while she says stuff that's socially uncomfortable.

For example, we were going to a dinner and my friend kept apologizing for her messy car. My girlfriend said "Girl, I grew up in a hoarder house and I'm in the middle of shoveling poo poo out of that house, there's nothing on earth that could disgust me anymore!"

And while that's true, it was kinda an uncomfortable overshare.

Another time, her coworker was talking about how their kid was really shy and she didn't know how to help. My girlfriend was like "Give her time, I'm sure she'll grow into herself. I didn't talk to anyone in school, literally like I had no friends if you'll believe it!"

One last time, my girlfriend and I were at a networking event, and one of my coworkers joked about how my girlfriend she should enjoy grabbing thirds of food when she's young because she can't eat like that forever. Without missing a beat, she said "Oh, I don't think about food restriction like that anymore, it's an eating disorder trigger! Anyway I'm trying to bulk up."

Anyway, we had a big argument about it. We were invited to a dinner at my company's CEO's house this coming weekend along with a few peers.

I asked her to not share anything uncomfortable there. She asked what I meant and I gave her the same examples. I told her that that kinda shamelessness about stuff most people find shameful is awkward.

She was like "But it's not really shameful? Like I got over that self hating poo poo. And renovating and flipping a house? So many of your coworkers talk about that."

I said it wasn't the house flipping, it was the fact that it was her family home and it was a hoarder house. And it was weird to shamelessly talk about having no friends and an eating disorder.

She was like "That stuff is in the past, why would I be insecure now?"

I got exasperated and asked her to just not share stuff that most people would be embarrassed to say at the dinner. And she got angry and said that it sounded like I thought her whole life is embarrassing, so should she shut up?

I said no, just talk about current stuff? Like you just got a promotion, traveled to Europe, bought your dream car?

And she snapped at me 'but I'm also still shoveling cat piss stinking garbage every day, so it sounds like you're just embarrassed of me. gently caress you for saying I should have more shame. I'm drat proud of myself, it sounds like you're the one ashamed.

I'm still worried about how this dinner party will go, and I'm questioning whether I hosed up by saying something.

AITA for asking my girlfriend to not embarass herself at a dinner party with my company's CEO?

Johnny Truant posted:

Teen Witch please help, my family is starving

DemoneeHo posted:

AITA for not reacting to my MIL antics anymore?

quote:

The straw that broke the dam

bell jar posted:

What the hell kind of metaphor is this

bell jar posted:

What the hell kind of metaphor is this

Johnny Truant posted:

r/relationships: and I just said yes but white is for virgins

quote:

So I (and my three siblings and 9 cousins) have a grandpa that is not really around, for most of us. Around 10 years ago he decided he only wanted to spend time with two specific grandkids (The children of his favorite daughter). He doesn’t speak to the rest of us unless we are at an event and even then he barely says anything. Last time we saw him was at a wrestling tournament. He went to watch my cousin, and left as soon as my brothers name was called for his match. So it feels pretty deliberate that he does not talk to us. (For reference Im the oldest grandchild at 20, the rest are all between 5-17)

Anyways, my brother had this idea that the next time we saw him at an event we should just act like we don’t know him. He never remembers who we are anyways, I thought it would be funny.

So last week was one of my cousins birthdays (one of the cousins he likes) and he was there. He didn’t interact with us for most of the party but towards the end of it he came up to myself and my sister and said hello. I said “Oh hey! You’re X’s grandpa right? It’s so nice to meet you!” He looked confused and said, “Well yes.. but aren’t you Y’s kids?”

I responded with “We are! Are you related to her or something? You look kind of like our grandpa but he hasn’t spoken to us in years.” He was visibly pissed and called me disrespectful before stomping off.

Most of the family thinks what I said was funny and not a huge deal, but his wife and the parents of my cousins (his faves) are super pissed at me. His wife told me this will “ensure he never speaks to us again” (fine by me lol)

I don’t really care that he’s mad at me but was this really a big rear end in a top hat thing to do? I thought it pretty tame as far as jokes go but clearly people disagree with me lol.

Captain Hygiene posted:

AITA for treating my grandpa like a stranger at a family event?

Another problem handily resolved

bell jar posted:

What the hell kind of metaphor is this

bell jar posted:

What the hell kind of metaphor is this

quote:

I have two kids, Jake and Jamie. Jake is 16m and big into “the media I like is my entire personality and I’m better than you because I like those things” and has grown up to be very judgmental, cold, and mean. We honestly do not know how this happened, but his nasty attitude comes out the most at his little sister.

Jamie is 14f and is a very bubbly, friendly girl. She makes friends with everyone everywhere she goes, and she is also kind of a mini trendsetter for her school. She started selling homemade scrunchies at school and it took off.

Jake makes fun of her all the time for being vapid, girly, etc. So my husband talked to him about misogyny, because we were both shocked on where that came from. We thought the issue was handled, and he started to be nicer to Jamie.

Until the last week of school, Jamie came home from school having won an award for the scrunchie business. We were proud of her and had tacos (her favorite) for dinner. Mind you if Jake did something like that, we’d do the same. We love to celebrate their successes.

Well Jake was pissy at dinner and interrupted to talk about his video game accomplishments. We were all very polite and listened and congratulated him. He just looked at his sister and was like “And I did that by MYSELF without having to make everyone else hear about it all the time and dressing up like a pickme to get everyone’s attention.”

I just looked at my husband, then Jake, and said “Being a nerd doesn’t make you superior to anyone in this family, Jake. You can like video games and still be a nice person to your family, especially your little sister. Quit acting like a little snot.”

He got red in the face and took his little tantrum upstairs to his room. Since then, he’s barely talked to anyone and just holes up in his room playing games all day. My husband did tell me that I shouldn’t have said that because it’s going to pit them against each other more (even though Jamie doesn’t get why her brother treats her like this). AITA?

EDIT: Hey all thanks for the responses. There are a few things I want to address, but there's a lot of good perspectives here and I appreciate them all. Mainly I want to mention that a few people have kind of made up this idea that we praise Jamie for her interests or accomplishments and demonize Jake. It's never been like that at all. Jake brings home straight As almost every quarter, and we've always celebrated that.

Pomme de Terror posted:

AITA for telling my son that being a nerd doesn’t mean that he’s superior to anyone, especially his little sister?

quote:

Also OP says they celebrate his good grades... but that's something OP values, do they ever celebrate stuff Jake values??

quote:

That’s exactly what I wanted to say…. Jake might be an AH, but the fact that op said “don’t know where that came from” and the fact that Jake trying to get some recognition from his parents show that they definitely give less attention to him. Plus. Op said we would’ve celebrated his success all the same blah blah, but we’ll, he was telling them about his achievement in video games. The only reason they dismissed him is that op doesn’t think videogame achievement is as good as scrunchie business.