[canada] just another game of mad libs

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > C-SPAM > [canada] just another game of mad libs

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vyelkin: Jan 2, 2011

Canada has an Elizabeth problem

# ? Jul 29, 2022 00:59

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# ? Jun 8, 2024 07:22

sitchensis: Mar 4, 2009

vyelkin posted:

Canada has an Elizabeth problem

yo just wanted to say that I have your climate change quote saved to my phone and I look at it every now and then and laugh because it�s all coming true beat for beat lmao

# ? Jul 29, 2022 01:25

urf: Jul 12, 2009

sitchensis posted:

yo just wanted to say that I have your climate change quote saved to my phone and I look at it every now and then and laugh because it’s all coming true beat for beat lmao

please share, I've been away from Canada politics threads for a long time

# ? Jul 29, 2022 01:32

mediaphage: Mar 22, 2007; Excuse me, pardon me, sheer perfection coming through

you missed the best part where she plans to pitch herself as one of two co-leaders

sitchensis posted:

yo just wanted to say that I have your climate change quote saved to my phone and I look at it every now and then and laugh because it�s all coming true beat for beat lmao

vyelkin was right

# ? Jul 29, 2022 03:42

Entorwellian: Jun 30, 2006; ~~Northern Flicker~~
Anna's Hummingbird

Sorry, but the people have spoken.

The Green Party is such a joke they make the Rhino party look reasonable.

# ? Jul 29, 2022 03:46

TheKingofSprings: Oct 9, 2012

sitchensis posted:

Yeah. For a current example of what it would have looked like, please see British Columbia, Province Of (2017- )

gently caress off, you�re like the only province not actively on fire right now

# ? Jul 29, 2022 03:48

sitchensis: Mar 4, 2009

urf posted:

please share, I've been away from Canada politics threads for a long time

quote:

Over time everything gets steadily more expensive and you start not being able to always buy whatever you want, either because it's now out of your price range or because there are actual shortages of things like coffee. Weather gets more severe and less predictable. People you know have their homes and livelihoods destroyed by extreme weather events and have to decide whether to rebuild or start over somewhere new with nothing. If you're unfortunate enough to live somewhere like the desert (lol Phoenix, Arizona) then it will become actually unaffordable to live there at all because you'll spend more on air conditioning than you make in income. Every summer you hear about hundreds of elderly people whose air conditioning broke and they died of heatstroke in their own home. Diseases that haven't been seen in your country for decades or centuries start to reappear, like malaria. Diseases that have never appeared in your country before, like Zika or Dengue, also start to appear. Mosquitoes seem to be the one insect that isn't dying out.

Insurance stops covering a lot of climate change-related damage, so as extreme weather events hit other parts of your country and people aren't able to rebuild where they lived, places like southern Florida get abandoned, not from some government plan, but from millions of people individually deciding to pack up and leave one day. The place where you live gets more crowded as internal migrants relocate only to find that life isn't any easier when they show up out of the blue with no job, no money, and no assets to sell. Your wages get cut at work because there are suddenly ten highly trained unemployed professionals who used to do your job in Miami, any of whom would gladly replace you. Your rent goes up even faster than usual because of all the population growth in your city.

The news is full of stories of weather destroying other parts of the world like Mozambique and Puerto Rico, and conflicts breaking out in areas hit by drought, famine, and disease. It's also full of stories about migrants trying to come to the developed world. It never mentions that the two things are connected, and never explores the fact that the migrants are moving because they can no longer live in their homes because their fields dried up, it didn't rain for ten years, and the desert swallowed their town. You notice the people around you getting more and more anxious about migration as their own incomes are getting stretched thinner and thinner and there are only ever more and more migrants. Electorates vote in more and more extreme right-wing figures who ban all immigration, militarize the borders, and implement ever-more draconian surveillance and monitoring of people inside the country as well. You're repeatedly told that if you're a natural-born citizen and not breaking any laws, you have nothing to fear.

Global supply chains start to break down as some regions of the world get less and less livable and some resources get either more difficult to extract and process, or get wiped out by climate change themselves, making prices rise even more and shortages hit even harder. As places start to see economic decline, people get restless and there are instances of mass unrest. On the news you see stories about mass demonstrations and massacres in random other places around the world. But here people are too busy working five gig economy jobs just to afford bread, they're too busy to protest. Governments get overthrown, countries descend into civil war, millions die in armed conflict, famine, and ensuing disease outbreaks. This further exacerbates the millions of people already trying to migrate to the less-affected developed world, but by this point our borders are so hardened that most of them die before they make it here. Deaths of hundreds or thousands of people trying to cross our borders across oceans and through deserts stop even making the news because they're so routine and we're too concerned with our own daily survival to worry about people we don't know.

What you do see on the news are feel-good stories about how a billionaire CEO now flies around in a solar-powered plane and he planted trees on his green roof. Meanwhile our cities are more choked with smog than ever, and the numbers keep getting higher. Fewer people are smoking than ever before, but lung cancer rates seem to be higher than ever. You get a particularly bad cough and you'd like to see a doctor about it, but they cut your benefits at work so you just hope it goes away on its own. The UN releases a report saying that we have three years to act if we want to avoid 8 degrees of warming, but by this point we've read so many reports saying we've already passed the tipping point that no one cares.

All our topsoil is vanishing and by this point even some people with jobs literally can't afford food. But the state is militarized enough that no one really thinks about protest except for the occasional spontaneous riot that doesn't accomplish anything long-term. Facial recognition software and ubiquitous surveillance and tracking means protesting is a one-way ticket to prison, if you aren't literally killed or maimed by the police breaking up the protest. And anyway, even attending a legal protest harms your social credit score and means you won't be able to get a loan the next time food prices spike and you can't afford enough to get through the week. Drug abuse, overdoses, and suicide are all rampant as people lose hope and decide to numb themselves or end it quickly rather than die slow, painful deaths. There are people literally starving to death in the streets and every summer you're pretty sure some of the homeless people lying on the sidewalk have died of heatstroke. Half the food you used to see in supermarkets is just plain gone, wiped out by disease or unable to grow where it used to or the supply chains that used to ship it in from halfway around the world have collapsed completely. The other half of the food is so expensive that you can only afford to buy the barest essentials. The wars on TV get worse as countries invade each other to get at the farmland that remains. Despite the police everywhere, law and order seems to be breaking down in your city, there are enormous waves of robberies, burglaries, home invasions, murders, as desperate people do whatever it takes to get through another day. The rich are comfortably secure in gated communities protected by private mercenaries with tanks and machine guns, who regularly use lethal force to defend their employers' property.

Eventually you die. If you're lucky it's in some extreme weather event and it's over quickly. If you're unlucky you starve to death because you lost your job and bread is too expensive. I hope you don't have kids because they still have a few more decades in this miserable hellhole, while civilization continues to collapse around them. They probably eventually die deaths even less pleasant than yours.

Some humans will survive, even in 15 degrees of warming. Our civilization won't.

# ? Jul 29, 2022 04:57

Precambrian Video Games: Aug 19, 2002

TheKingofSprings posted:

gently caress off, you�re like the only province not actively on fire right now

Right now is doing a lot of heavy lifting here.

# ? Jul 29, 2022 05:32

vyelkin: Jan 2, 2011

sitchensis posted:

yo just wanted to say that I have your climate change quote saved to my phone and I look at it every now and then and laugh because it�s all coming true beat for beat lmao

lol thanks I guess. I was in a dark place when I wrote it but I do stand by most of the predictions I made however many years ago that was

# ? Jul 29, 2022 12:00

DariusLikewise: Oct 4, 2008; You wore that on Halloween?

skewetoo posted:

Ffs we've been through this

Better 👏 Things 👏Are 👏 NOT 👏 Possible

You will get the dweebiest, goofiest, most incel looking fash leader on the planet and you'll like it!

pm pp: "we need to slaughter all those that oppose canadian values"
emay: "speaker i would like to raise a point that slaughter is a very un-parliamentarian word and would like the member to use eradicate instead"

# ? Jul 29, 2022 14:29

ZShakespeare: Jul 20, 2003; War gives the right to the conquerors to impose any condition they please upon the vanquished.

hate on emay all you want. your posts only make her more powerful.

# ? Jul 29, 2022 15:17

EvilJoven: Mar 18, 2005; NOBODY,IN THE HISTORY OF EVER, HAS ASKED OR CARED WHAT CANADA THINKS. YOU ARE NOT A COUNTRY. YOUR MONEY HAS THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND ON IT. IF YOU DIG AROUND IN YOUR BACKYARD, NATIVE SKELETONS WOULD EXPLODE OUT OF YOUR LAWN LIKE THE END OF POLTERGEIST. CANADA IS SO POLITE, EH?; Fun Shoe

vyelkin posted:

lol thanks I guess. I was in a dark place when I wrote it but I do stand by most of the predictions I made however many years ago that was

I know that place. I'm trying to accept this stuff the way someone accepts a terminal cancer prognosis. It's hard but getting a bit easier.

# ? Jul 29, 2022 15:25

apatheticman: May 13, 2003; Wedge Regret

The only thing that's wrong is that they'll link the migrants and the environment, just no one will care.

# ? Jul 29, 2022 15:49

RealityWarCriminal: Aug 10, 2016

Your post about liberals being the real conservatives has stuck with me

# ? Jul 29, 2022 15:53

Karach: May 23, 2003; no war but class war

DariusLikewise posted:

https://twitter.com/CanadianPolling/status/1552724621698519040?s=20&t=brRtVqHhOcxF2fKeCarDbg

fine i guess, murray promised to sell the police helicopter which is funny to me personally

Finally, a mayor for Real Winnipeggers.

# ? Jul 29, 2022 15:55

Arivia: Mar 17, 2011

RealityWarCriminal posted:

Your post about liberals being the real conservatives has stuck with me

just don't post that in D&D or an american mod will think it's an ad hominem and probate you

# ? Jul 29, 2022 15:57

Precambrian Video Games: Aug 19, 2002

Arivia posted:

just don't post that in D&D or someone will report it for some loving reason?? stop reporting inane poo poo, jesus. and then a Latvian mod will probate it without realizing they're in a regional thread

# ? Jul 29, 2022 22:59

CLAM DOWN: Feb 13, 2007

Arivia posted:

just don't post that in D&D or an american mod will think it's an ad hominem and probate you

yankee scum gently caress off, we can ruin our own country!

# ? Jul 29, 2022 23:26

Drunk Canuck: Jan 9, 2010; Robots ruin all the fun of a good adventure.

ZShakespeare posted:

hate on emay all you want. your posts only make her more powerful.

keep acting up and Queen Elizabeth will hear about it!!!

# ? Jul 30, 2022 00:01

Isentropy: Dec 12, 2010

infernal machines posted:

you are but take it from someone who is not part of the doomer crew, jack layton was the architect of the ndp 3rd way "liberals for people who don't want to vote liberal" and the orange crush was entirely manufactured by the liberals blowing their own nuts off with ignatief

he was great as a municipal politician in toronto, but i don't for a minute believe the ndp or the country would be in a significantly better place today had he lived

Might be doxxing myself but I had Ignatieff as a graduation speaker. Most uninspiring person ever. I'd literally prefer they got Votto or my school's most famous adult rated graduate

# ? Jul 30, 2022 00:06

Precambrian Video Games: Aug 19, 2002

Well the Liberals listened to the concerns of their younger supporters and instead of boring, uninspiring descendent of Eastern European nobility Michael Ignatieff, we now have the hip and trendy Chrystia Freeland.

# ? Jul 30, 2022 00:10

Isentropy: Dec 12, 2010

I'm sure the black and brown people of the 905 will line up to support Slava Ukraini. Not like they kept trying to conscript us or our local media we watch (see: TVJ and Indian media) interviewed people

Like it was wild watching Canadian media push the narrative of Brave Blonde Freedom Fighters while Jamaican media interviewed people who got frostbite cause Ukrainian buses made them march 50 mi in snow

Isentropy has issued a correction as of 00:35 on Jul 30, 2022

# ? Jul 30, 2022 00:33

DariusLikewise: Oct 4, 2008; You wore that on Halloween?

https://twitter.com/demickyd/status/1553062430942568448?s=21&t=KV2MGYVhRC5llmeVorELtg

# ? Jul 30, 2022 16:03

Frosted Flake: Sep 13, 2011; Semper Shitpost Ubique

Isentropy posted:

I'm sure the black and brown people of the 905 will line up to support Slava Ukraini. Not like they kept trying to conscript us or our local media we watch (see: TVJ and Indian media) interviewed people

Like it was wild watching Canadian media push the narrative of Brave Blonde Freedom Fighters while Jamaican media interviewed people who got frostbite cause Ukrainian buses made them march 50 mi in snow

# ? Jul 30, 2022 16:29

kaom: Jan 20, 2007

DariusLikewise posted:

https://twitter.com/demickyd/status/1553062430942568448?s=21&t=KV2MGYVhRC5llmeVorELtg

Art

# ? Jul 30, 2022 16:30

RealityWarCriminal: Aug 10, 2016

https://mobile.twitter.com/globeandmail/status/1553820373908684801

# ? Jul 31, 2022 20:53

RealityWarCriminal: Aug 10, 2016

https://mobile.twitter.com/globeandmail/status/1553142846412451840

The past decade has been marked by historically low interest rates and historically high returns, from both stocks and real estate. Frankly, it’s been hard not to make money. But the financial spoils were enjoyed mostly by Gen Xers and boomers, who had assets to inflate and the income and credit to buy more. Millennials and Gen Z were saddled with high student-loan balances and earning low, early-career salaries. What these younger cohorts needed was the bull market to slow down, or even reverse for a few years, so they could claim some ground. And that’s exactly what’s happening.

But bear markets and recessions have more to offer young people than low asset prices. The money lessons might prove to be of equal or even greater value. You don’t have much of a choice except to be more prudent with your finances in our current economic climate.

feeling blessed rn over all these lessons im learning

# ? Jul 31, 2022 20:58

Guest2553: Aug 3, 2012

I'm three once-in-a-century events away from being as old as Methuselah.

# ? Aug 2, 2022 04:01

RealityWarCriminal: Aug 10, 2016

https://mobile.twitter.com/AnneMarieBatten/status/1554587064355676160

if you accept it, it is by definition acceptable

# ? Aug 3, 2022 00:34

flakeloaf: Feb 26, 2003; Still better than android clock

The purpose of a filthy tory is what it doesn't do

# ? Aug 3, 2022 03:20

Shofixti: Nov 23, 2005; Kyaieee!

Regrettably, the PM was unharmed by the Amphibus crashing into 24 Sussex.

# ? Aug 3, 2022 17:31

corgiwizard: Oct 27, 2020

eXXon posted:

Well the Liberals listened to the concerns of their younger supporters and instead of boring, uninspiring descendent of Eastern European nobility Michael Ignatieff, we now have the hip and trendy Chrystia Freeland.

#girlboss #victimsofcommunism

# ? Aug 3, 2022 17:56

Futanari Damacy: Oct 30, 2021; by sebmojo

bump

Futanari Damacy has issued a correction as of 14:27 on Oct 29, 2022

# ? Aug 3, 2022 19:25

RBC: Nov 23, 2007; IM STILL SPENDING MONEY FROM 1888

it goes in the river and awhile ago it sunk because it had too many fat tourists on it

# ? Aug 3, 2022 19:28

skewetoo: Mar 30, 2003

👁️ I see u what u trying to tell me there bus

# ? Aug 3, 2022 21:28

mila kunis: Jun 10, 2011

sitchensis posted:

yo just wanted to say that I have your climate change quote saved to my phone and I look at it every now and then and laugh because it�s all coming true beat for beat lmao

i liked the trashfuture description of climate change as you watching videos of people recording extreme weather events on their phone until one day you're the one recording

# ? Aug 3, 2022 22:04

fisting by many: Dec 25, 2009

Unfortunately some jerkoffs in Vancouver already took the far superior name Aquabus and that one doesn't even work on land.

# ? Aug 4, 2022 02:32

Mister Speaker: May 8, 2007; WE WILL CONTROL
ALL THAT YOU SEE
AND HEAR

fisting by many posted:

Unfortunately some jerkoffs in Vancouver already took the far superior name Aquabus and that one doesn't even work on land.

that's just a boat

amphibus is a way better play on words

RBC posted:

it goes in the river and awhile ago it sunk because it had too many fat tourists on it

maybe this time all the fat tourists were on the right side viewing the PM's residence and it turned in.

# ? Aug 4, 2022 03:12

CLAM DOWN: Feb 13, 2007

fisting by many posted:

Unfortunately some jerkoffs in Vancouver already took the far superior name Aquabus and that one doesn't even work on land.

don't you dare slander the tiny ferries

# ? Aug 4, 2022 05:27

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# ? Jun 8, 2024 07:22

corgiwizard: Oct 27, 2020

I prefer False Creek Ferries

# ? Aug 4, 2022 17:53

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > C-SPAM > [canada] just another game of mad libs

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