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Look, I'm sure professor what's-his-name has a room full of clothes somewhere in that chateau. They can't all be soiled.
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Jul 27, 2022 13:42
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Funky See Funky Do posted:Ok fine we can't be sure those pants don't have poo poo in them but we can be sure the ones we're wearing do. It really doesn't matter as long as there's not so much poo poo in the other pants that we can't find our car keys. Change into the other pants. poo poo pants repeatedly until the pockets bulge out and the car keys drop to the floor.
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Jul 27, 2022 13:44
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Funky See Funky Do posted:We can bathe at home. Besides we're more likely to get a seat on the bus or train or plane (?) like this. You google the address of your original identity's house on your phone and see it's only a 15 minute drive away. You then google the Firth Haters Society past the autocorrect results of a group dedicated to repealing the fifth amendment, a group dedicated to cleanliness and hygeine, and a group that just absolutely despises coastal scotland, you find the website for the group you're looking for. You click on it. quote:
You nod your head. As much as you love Colin Firth's undeniable charm so much you stole his identity you had to admit there were some good points. Not to mention the writer kept using all caps for emphasis which is a sure sign of sanity and level-headedness. The site also has mocking recaps of all of Colin Firth's movies where they keep calling him Colon Filth and other hilarious jokes, reviews of all of his movies rated from negative 1 to negative 10, and a forum. There's actually a "FilthMeet" (the site's denizens call themselves filthies happening not too far from you tomorrow. BigBadSteve posted:Wipe poo on bushes. you use some poison ivy as toilet paper. good god that hurts. Funky See Funky Do posted:Wait a minute we drove here! Our car is still parked at the mansion somewhere and our keys are probably in our old pants in the study. Our old pants would also probably not have quite as much poo poo in them. Funky See Funky Do posted:Ok fine we can't be sure those pants don't have poo poo in them but we can be sure the ones we're wearing do. It really doesn't matter as long as there's not so much poo poo in the other pants that we can't find our car keys. BigBadSteve posted:Change into the other pants. poo poo pants repeatedly until the pockets bulge out and the car keys drop to the floor. You slip back into the mansion and take your pants back. You poo poo in them until your car keys fall out. And then drive back to your original identity's apartment. You are now at your apartment pretending to be Colin Firth wearing soiled pants. You are still covered in blood. There's a Firth Haters meeting tomorrow. What do you do?
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Jul 27, 2022 19:12
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surely we are running out of turds to poop out at this point
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Jul 27, 2022 19:18
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AARD VARKMAN posted:surely we are running out of turds to poop out at this point If the Colin Firth Hater meeting isn't until tomorrow we've got plenty of time to refill our bowels. Find the nearest restaurant or wherever and do some dumpster diving for some food.
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Jul 27, 2022 19:27
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Bloodfart McCoy posted:If the Colin Firth Hater meeting isn't until tomorrow we've got plenty of time to refill our bowels. we should at least check the kitchen first before we stoop to that level. We have a reputation to uphold here as beloved English actor Colin Firth.
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Jul 27, 2022 19:33
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AARD VARKMAN posted:we should at least check the kitchen first before we stoop to that level. We have a reputation to uphold here as beloved English actor Colin Firth. I really feel like Colin Firth would appreciate a good deal though…
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Jul 27, 2022 20:20
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Bloodfart McCoy posted:I really feel like Colin Firth would appreciate a good deal though… maybe our kitchen is already full of disgusting rancid trash for us to eat. we shouldn't let it go bad
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Jul 27, 2022 20:39
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AARD VARKMAN posted:maybe our kitchen is already full of disgusting rancid trash for us to eat. we shouldn't let it go bad This is very Colin Firth.  Okay but if there’s no garbage in the kitchen bin, I say we head to a dumpster and feast.
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Jul 27, 2022 20:42
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Let's walk to the nearest McDonald's and seek employment. Demonstrate our hustle by strolling into the back and handling the food.
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Jul 27, 2022 21:28
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Bloodfart McCoy posted:This is very Colin Firth. I just realized, we need to be thinking more Englishly if we're to remain in character. I should have said Perhaps there's some lovely rancid rubbish for us to eat in the kitchen. 
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Jul 27, 2022 21:36
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What country are we in? Either way we should probably bathe, change, and get some sleep. Colin Firth walking around covered in blood and faeces is likely to garner some unwanted attention. Especially with those blasted paparazzos never giving him a moments peace!
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Jul 28, 2022 00:25
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Funky See Funky Do posted:What country are we in? New Jersey
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Jul 28, 2022 00:31
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I’m sorry, I somehow lost track along the way. Are we the real Colin Firth or just pretending to be him???
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Jul 28, 2022 00:35
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Bloodfart McCoy posted:I’m sorry, I somehow lost track along the way. Are we the real Colin Firth or just pretending to be him??? We are pretending to be Colin forth but really really well
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Jul 28, 2022 00:47
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BIG FLUFFY DOG posted:New Jersey Oh well then we should probably not bathe if we want to fit in. If anything we should smear more faeces on ourselves. It's not like any of the miscreants and genetic detritus around here would recognize Colin Firth anyway.
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Jul 28, 2022 00:53
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Funky See Funky Do posted:Oh well then we should probably not bathe if we want to fit in. If anything we should smear more faeces on ourselves. It's not like any of the miscreants and genetic detritus around here would recognize Colin Firth anyway. Wait do we want to be recognized as Colin Firth if we are crashing a Colin Firth hate group meeting... I feel like that could end badly. Whos the opposite of Colin Firth, we should dress up like them so we get accepted and loved, and not immediately beaten to death for our many Colin Firth'ian crimes.
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Jul 28, 2022 01:00
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It's a Firth Hater society meeting in New Jersey. These rubes aren't going to be sober enough to know what day it is. Honestly we could ditch the whole disguise and just buy a carton of cheap domestic beer if we want them to let us in. E: Actually that's what we should do. Go out and buy two cartons of the cheapest swill that the nearest liquor store (which is almost certainly just on the corner) sells. Skip sleeping, spend all night drinking, and cover ourselves head-to-toe in poo poo before we stumble off to this meeting tomorrow. What's use is a disguise when you can blend in so perfectly to your surroundings as to be effectively invisible? Funky See Funky Do fucked around with this message at 01:14 on Jul 28, 2022 |
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Jul 28, 2022 01:05
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The murderer changed Snell's background to Colin Firth, so imo they are probably in love with Colin Firth and so our Colin Firth costume will be excellent for confronting the suspect. But who better than the Colin Firth haters to know who their worst enemies are? I think we need to regain our Dr. Snell costume just for that meeting, as he was likely a member. I'm sure we can scrap together a replacement outfit out of various objects in our apartment.
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Jul 28, 2022 01:06
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dr_rat posted:Whose the opposite of Colin Firth, we should dress up like them so we get accepted and loved, and not immediately beaten to death for our many Colin Firth'ian crimes. That would be the famous fat colostomy bag-wearing Firth-hating troll Colon Girth.
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Jul 28, 2022 01:10
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Bloodfart McCoy posted:This is very Colin Firth. Hyrax Attack! posted:Let's walk to the nearest McDonald's and seek employment. Demonstrate our hustle by strolling into the back and handling the food. Your stomach rumbles. It's been a bit since you've eaten. You hop into a dumpster outside your building and go absolutely nuts. You shovel that poo poo in there. You peek your head out from the dumpster and see a McDonald's across the street. Come to think of it it wouldn't be a bad idea to have a little extra spending money. You walk in, hop the counter and ignore the protests and yelling from the counter workers who clearly don't understand hustle. You plunge an ungloved blood-and-poo poo-soaked hand into the ground beef and throw it on the grill, while some guy is telling you to go back out front and another is threatening to call the cops. Suddenly you hear a voice yell with a grizzly jersey accent: "What's going on 'ere? Who are you" You see a overweight vaguely italian man whose just come out of his office and seems to be the manager. His nametag reads Sal. "I'm oscar-winning actor Colin Firth and I want a job!" "A job? You got blood on your hands. poo poo on your hands. You're handling food. There's trash all over your body in addition to more blood and poo poo. Your fly's down, your weiner's flopping out, where customers can see." He sheds a single manly vaguely italian tear. "I have never seen such professionalism and cleanliness in a new jersey mcdonalds. welcome aboard--- assistant manager." You're employed now! I have no idea what that accomplished but you're employed! The firth haters meetings tomorrow anything else you want to do until then BIG FLUFFY DOG fucked around with this message at 05:25 on Jul 28, 2022 |
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Jul 28, 2022 05:08
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Savoir Faire [Godly: Success] - You did it Colin! This is how you hustlegrind. Your impeccable sense of style has put you on the path to being a moderately high net worth individual. Take the next step by spending your time between now and the meeting of Colin Firth haters by selling as much product out of the back door as possible. It’s all about the profit margin for us now.
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Jul 28, 2022 05:21
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Look in the back for cleaning products we can huff. Also we've been unarmed this whole time. Let's check the employee lockers for a gun. And while we're here we should take a pocket full of grease. You never know when that will come in handy. I guess if we've got time to kill we could hit on the single mums out in the dining area. It's time to put that famed Firthian charisma to the test.
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Jul 28, 2022 05:41
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Funky See Funky Do posted:And while we're here we should take a pocket full of grease. You never know when that will come in handy. Oh and the other pocket full of sand. Like Yin and Yang. Making at us equal and at peace. ...pretty sure on the elemental table sand is the opposite of grease. I don't know long time since I've done science.
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Jul 28, 2022 05:48
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Funky See Funky Do posted:Electrochemistry: Look in the back for cleaning products we can huff.
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Jul 28, 2022 14:18
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Celebrate our newfound employment by power-bombing Sal straight through the McFlurry machine. It’s a time-honored New Jersey tradition.
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Jul 28, 2022 16:29
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Tell everyone to get back to work while you go jerk off in the walk-in freezer.
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Jul 28, 2022 16:44
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Funky See Funky Do posted:Look in the back for cleaning products we can huff. Also we've been unarmed this whole time. Let's check the employee lockers for a gun. And while we're here we should take a pocket full of grease. You never know when that will come in handy. You check the employees lockers and find several guns. Since you don't want to be rude you limit yourself to taking three handguns and conceal them on your person. You go the fryer and take some grease and stick it in your pocket too. dr_rat posted:Oh and the other pocket full of sand. Like Yin and Yang. Making at us equal and at peace. believe it or not there's no sand in a New Jersey McDonald's so you just stuff some crumbled up french fries in your other pocket instead. You walk into the back and huff every chemical you can find. You are now high as poo poo.
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Jul 29, 2022 15:00
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Not a lot of detecting going on right now.
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Jul 29, 2022 15:14
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BIG FLUFFY DOG posted:You check the employees lockers and find several guns. Since you don't want to be rude you limit yourself to taking three handguns and conceal them on your person. You go the fryer and take some grease and stick it in your pocket too. gently caress yeah! Loving my first Friday at my new job! Better get even higher and help out with the lunch rush.
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Jul 29, 2022 15:18
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itry posted:Not a lot of detecting going on right now. 
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Jul 29, 2022 15:19
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itry posted:Not a lot of detecting going on right now. Tell me something to detect
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Jul 29, 2022 15:59
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can we detect if sticking our hand in a deep fryer caused any sort of issues with our hand?
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Jul 29, 2022 16:41
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We should call our mom and tell her we got a job at McDonald's. She'd be so proud of us. After we should lock ourselves in the employee bathroom and stare into the mirror until it's time to go to the meeting. Then we should go to the meeting.
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Jul 29, 2022 23:54
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> get gun
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Jul 30, 2022 00:00
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Waterbed Wendy posted:> get gun We already got 3 guns out of the McDonald's employee lockers! Now that we're high on fumes, fulfilled from a day of work, and presumably full of delicious garbage, I think we should pass out in the ball pit until tomorrow when our true investigation begins
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Jul 30, 2022 00:02
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the ball pit is filled with bodies but they are sleeping too. > get more guns
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Jul 30, 2022 00:11
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drat it, half the ball pit is turds
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Jul 30, 2022 03:19
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AARD VARKMAN posted:We already got 3 guns out of the McDonald's employee lockers! fully sated you walk out into the ball pit and find yourself a nice spot to sleep. Who needs that apartment that's literally across the loving street from you?! You feel something hard beneath you, Waterbed Wendy posted:> get gun it's another gun! you now have 4 guns. When you wake up in the morning, it's time to go the filthies meeting. You go to the employee lockers take the keys to some loser's kia soul and head out to the holiday inn. there's a security guard out front who looks like an off-duty cop or maybe he's on-duty since the meeting's connected to a murder after all. it's probably better if the guard isn't a member of the firth haters society since you are impersonating colin firth after all. You think it might be a good idea to impress him with your wealth to sell the illusion. You gesture to the Kia smugly and say: "Yeah. It's the hamster car." The guard stares at you blankly. He doesn't seem to recognize who you are. Must not be a big movie guy. "I have to search you for weapons, sir." Crap. You have 4 stolen guns on you right now. The cop searches you and says: "This event has a 5 gun minimum and you only have 4. You're probably not used to that being from europe and all, so I guess I can give you a loaner." He hands you a hot pink shotgun, either for fashion or to prevent you from stealing it, and waves you in. "Make sure to give it back when you leave!" He shouts. As you walk into the event room, you see a booth set up selling firth-hating merchandise, a plastic table with a gatorade cooler and some dixie cups along with a bowl of trail mix and around a dozen people standing around conversing, all men, all unshowered and each one strapped the gently caress up. They all turn to see the newcomer and the room goes silent "What the gently caress are you doing here? one of them says. He appears to be reaching for his hip. How do you proceed BIG FLUFFY DOG fucked around with this message at 05:22 on Jul 31, 2022 |
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Jul 31, 2022 05:08
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"Strapped the gently caress up? More like BRRRRAP the gently caress up!" They stare at you, nonplussed by your pun as no one actually said "strapped the gently caress up." Anyway, mow them all down and search their bodies for clues .
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Jul 31, 2022 05:18
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