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byob mental health thread: Naah I love you blood idk how im doing having emotional meltdowns kinda, been going outside more im outside rn i got water at a song so at least that shits still around literally my best techstrat is goin outside anyone goin thru medication lurches is in what prayers i pray sometimes stay strong orbs
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Aug 7, 2022 00:01
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Bright Bart posted:Glad this thread is still here. I'm still doing poorly. have you considered some non chemical means? i have heard good things about modern electroshock, but have not experienced it myself. my bipolar management regimen is just olanzapine, and it's not perfect as i've discussed but it softens the most destructive periods. baka fwocka fwame posted:literally my best techstrat is goin outside it works so well but i'm already starting to get worried about winter.
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Aug 7, 2022 00:04
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I wasn't a candidate for electroshock last time I checked. But I would do radical things such as ECT if I could. Not suicidal or anything but I wake up some days wishing I hadn't. And have this anhedonia. Sending time with pals is one of the few things that makes it OK for a short while i.e. while actually hanging out. Outside is good and I am kicking myself for losing my apartment in a nice area with a park. Now I'm in a grimmier part of town. |
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Aug 7, 2022 00:16
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Also, anhedonia sucks. It's a big improvement over the past few weeks I can even browse BYOB. Baka hope things pick up re: meltdowns. I recall hearing how in some places clinicians can prescribe free access to national parks to those dealing with mental health issues. But... if you're struggling to get out of bed and shower... Bright Bart fucked around with this message at 00:20 on Aug 7, 2022 |
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Aug 7, 2022 00:18
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Bright Bart posted:Also, anhedonia sucks. It's a big improvement over the past few weeks I can even browse BYOB. yeah it's a hell of a time when literally nothing is enjoyable. i've lost a lot of weight this way in bad times. i'm 5'10 or whatever and at some points was down to under 120lbs. i feel you, i'm sorry you're there right now.
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Aug 7, 2022 00:20
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Heather Papps posted:yeah it's a hell of a time when literally nothing is enjoyable. i've lost a lot of weight this way in bad times. i'm 5'10 or whatever and at some points was down to under 120lbs. i feel you, i'm sorry you're there right now. Thanks pal! I have made such a mess of things lately I almost wish I could go hypomania and sort everything out. But there are downsides as you say. |
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Aug 7, 2022 00:22
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i'm around. if you need an ear my pm's are open. you can still fix problems tho', it's just... a lot slower and less elegant in normal brain state.
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Aug 7, 2022 00:24
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I'm just happy you're reading my spam on this thread. Somehow it's easier talking to the 'YOB than it is talking to people who know me and just get worried. Not that you don't care it's just less excited conversation. |
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Aug 7, 2022 00:36
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oh yeah i have opinions about how we pay strangers to listen to us when we used to have cheifs or priests or something that's whole deal was listening to us. there is real value in getting outside perspectives. when people ask me how i'm doing these days, in regard to my brain, i don't even tell them how i think i'm doing. i talk about the concrete pieces of evidence for how i am doing. i am doing well because i am productive, i am doing poorly because i am letting things slip. we are so tied up in ourselves it's hard to accurately gauge things. plus normalbrains are fairly freaked out by these things. most people i know have never seriously considered suicide, and bringing that subject up with folk is a minefield. it's nice to have fellow sufferers to commiserate with.
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Aug 7, 2022 01:15
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The number of mental health workers in this nation is too drat low!
Thunder Moose fucked around with this message at 02:17 on Aug 7, 2022 |
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Aug 7, 2022 02:14
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Heather Papps posted:oh yeah i have opinions about how we pay strangers to listen to us when we used to have cheifs or priests or something that's whole deal was listening to us. you know what was funny to realize? I started going to a no-priests type religious deal, where 99% of the time spent is just quietly listening or light pleasant conversation with others, and eventually realized it was like half current or retired mental health professionals. i think the modern day chiefs and priests need it bad too
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Aug 7, 2022 06:46
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One thing I do not like about some self-health group meetings is when people try to convince you that medication isn't the answer and that you can get off after completing some program. Had a woman crying having gone off her sertraline because she wanted to be "sober". Sure that idea is so prevalent she might have thought of it herself but what you hear in meetings doesn't help. Like someone spoke up saying that if they hadn't gone through the pain of stopping their medication they would not have improved. Let people take their prescribed drugs please. |
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Aug 7, 2022 22:28
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Ohtori Akio posted:you know what was funny to realize? I started going to a no-priests type religious deal, where 99% of the time spent is just quietly listening or light pleasant conversation with others, and eventually realized it was like half current or retired mental health professionals. i think the modern day chiefs and priests need it bad too This vaguely reminds me of Quaker meetings and I love those. |
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Aug 7, 2022 22:30
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Bright Bart posted:One thing I do not like about some self-health group meetings is when people try to convince you that medication isn't the answer and that you can get off after completing some program. i sure would like to be less insanely doped up on occasion though so I may operate a motor vehicle just moved to the boondocks and have very scarce buses to rely on  sure did manage to gently caress myself over royally whilst manic for two months |
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Aug 7, 2022 23:29
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BALLS DILDO posted:i sure would like to be less insanely doped up on occasion though so I may operate a motor vehicle Sorry to hear this. I understand you have a vehicle but aren't driving because of the medications you take? Must really suck. |
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Aug 8, 2022 00:45
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Bright Bart posted:This vaguely reminds me of Quaker meetings and I love those. got it in one yeah
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Aug 8, 2022 03:49
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Ohtori Akio posted:got it in one yeah If you have easy access to those then I am jealous. |
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Aug 8, 2022 18:58
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Man at times I will have my act together. Medication, reading Stoic philosophy, exercise, good meals, yoga. Then like a lightbulb being turned off the world gets so dark. None of what I did to prepare for the bad times seems to pay dividends. Then like now and I can hardly get out of bed let alone force myself to do the things that might bring me back out of my low. Bright Bart fucked around with this message at 15:13 on Aug 9, 2022 |
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Aug 8, 2022 19:01
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Bright Bart posted:If you have easy access to those then I am jealous. Living in the big city is good for me turns out
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Aug 8, 2022 19:05
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I want a big change in my pharmacotherapy. I don't even care about side effects. Just please make me functional I am wasting my life. |
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Aug 9, 2022 01:16
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i know that feelio bb it sux I currently feel like more of a void than ive ever felt im gonna tell my doc if he’s not gonna let me try lithium as mono then to switch it to an ssri to fight my antipsych because I just can’t but i am always expected 2
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Aug 9, 2022 05:32
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Hang in there baka. And yes speak to your psychiatrist. Some are more concerned about SSRIs than others but it's worth the conversation. I'm also taking lithium and am dissapointed it's not a magic bullet like lamotrigine was for me. Everyone is different however and for some lithium IS magic. |
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Aug 9, 2022 15:11
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i should shut up this doesn't matter i don't matter
Fart Dumbass fucked around with this message at 05:13 on Aug 10, 2022 ---------------- |
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Aug 10, 2022 04:28
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Fart Dumbass posted:not really doing ok, feeling really bad, don't feel like I have anywhere or anyone to talk to about it. this isn't my space either, I don't belong here, I'm intruding. at best people in byob haven't made me leave because they don't know me. I'm really having a hard time and I shouldn't be. I don't deserve to be, I don't deserve not to either though. I'm trying to remind myself that i won't feel this way forever, I shouldn't feel this way at all. it will be ok. I am ok, it will be ok. I am having trouble thinking straight. I am not feeling good at all.  sorry you're having those feelings, been there before. all I can say is that i enjoy reading your posts and am glad that you post with us here and that you're welcome hereas you say you will be okay and you are okay, i'm sorry you're not feeling good and i hope you feel better soon friend |
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Aug 10, 2022 04:48
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Anyone's welcome to share us much or as little as they feel like, everyone who wants to share or even just read the words of others definitely does belong here 
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Aug 10, 2022 07:49
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We want you here, Fart Dumbass 
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Aug 10, 2022 08:16
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Woah FD I am sorry you're going through a rough time. It's good you recognize it will pass. But in the moment it can feel overwhelming. Still a good outlook as I have made many poor choices thinking that feeling bad will last forever. |
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Aug 10, 2022 16:16
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you are all very kind but it's not true. you just don't know me. everyone who knows me, hates me. I am a piece of poo poo and nobody wants me around, not really. nobody likes me, and if you think you do then you just haven't looked hard enough. I don't know why people don't like me, but they don't. everyone who has ever known me utlimately doesn't want me around, especially on this website. I've been here for nearly 20 years and never once have I been able to call a goon an actual friend and that's because I'm annoying and ultimately everyone would be better off if I left. I tried just being anonymous and that was fine until someone figured out it was me and now it's not fine and im not welcome here and I just need to take the hint, leave and not come back. im sorry for making GBS threads up this space, it's just me taking advantage of a place where people don't know me to get sympathy I don't deserve. a closer look will have you all wishing you hadn't said anything nice to me and ultimately I know that. I shouldn't have posted here, I don't deserve the sympathy of kind people, and this place, like every other place would be better off if I were gone and it is time I heard that message and stopped fighting against it and stopped not believing it. how many times do I need to hear it before I accept it? I'm not welcome here and I never was and I never will be. the closest I will ever come to being welcome is kind people who don't know me reacting the way they would to someone who is not me, because they don't know me yet. I'm sorry for making GBS threads the thread up. if you don't believe me just read my post history and you'll figure come to the same conclusion that everyone else does, which is that they want me to do the same thing I want to do
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Aug 10, 2022 17:01
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Fart Dumbass posted:I'm not welcome here and I never was and I never will be.  looking at your post history as you requested, my advice is to just stop reading and posting in cspam, it seems to be bad for your mood
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Aug 10, 2022 17:20
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right, the solution is 'stop trying to be part of things' because nothing I want to be a part of wants me around. it's not just cspam. it's everywhere. the result is always the same, it always will be, I will never be welcome anywhere that I want to be, and why should I be? I'm basically the poo poo golem from Dogma but if instead of trying to kill people, I wanted to be friends with them or at least just be allowed to be around. of course nobody wants a poo poo golem around. it's a poo poo golem. I try to tell myself I won't always feel like this but I will. I have. I do. I can't see it changing, not ever. why would it? why should it?
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Aug 10, 2022 17:27
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"stay out of cspam" is advice i would give to literally anyone and everyone, though, not just you
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Aug 10, 2022 19:48
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hey fd you can’t be the most hosed up loseriest deathiest goon that exists that position is taken  it’s all good we’re all good here & i know how it feels
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Aug 10, 2022 19:58
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I’m sorry but I’m head loser if I told you the dumb poo poo I’ve done in the past few months I’d be loser tsar. lsar you’ll have to fight and kill me to win
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Aug 10, 2022 19:59
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My man I'm hoping you're just going through a tough time and don't feel this way consistantly. If it means anything I am also not welcome everywhere that I'd like to be. To a large extent this is my fault. But I've found places where I am welcome. You say you don't deserve sympathy from anyone here but how about you let us be the judge of that? |
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Aug 10, 2022 21:46
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Also if you feel this way all the time and you have access to therapy maybe give it a shot. All my childhood I felt like I didn't belong, that I was a loser who people instinctively didn't like. I couldn't tell you why people didn't like me. They just didn't. But working on it I found that I am underestimating myself. And that there were aspects of my behaviour which were unpleasant. This could be mitigated if im aware of them. Bright Bart fucked around with this message at 23:37 on Aug 10, 2022 |
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Aug 10, 2022 21:50
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2nding therapy if thats an option. also nthing the advice to avoid posting in places that make you feel bad; when i was at my absolute lowest i was also posting (and tweeting) like crazy and taking any and all drive-by comments as deep, personal attacks. i absolutely feel you on looking for communities but many of the ones online are insular and abrasive and it's just not worth getting invested in i know it's easier said than done in 2022 but consider unplugging for a while or limiting your online time |
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Aug 10, 2022 23:35
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or even limiting your posting to, say, the blue forum founded on the principles of the wyld stallyns https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rph_1DODXDU |
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Aug 10, 2022 23:55
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Fart Dumbass posted:stuff i'm gonna preface this with i do not give a poo poo about any other board beyond this one. it is not impossible that you've burnt bridges and made people very unhappy but i feel the need to tell you we aren't lying. if you post here we will not tell you to stop. i don't care about reputations that precede and i don't think anyone else here does either really. we are more than willing to give you the benefit of the doubt and if you are chill and nice and funny (honestly, in that order), you'll fit right in. i know what it is like to be in the depths of darkness, and fully believe that i was worthless, better off dead, a burden on my family and friends. it's a lie. i wish i had someone to slap me out of it and tell me it's a lie. you exist, and you deserve to keep existing, and you deserve to have a life that you like. maybe i'll regret posting this when some cspam person pm's me a .pdf of all your terrible posts but honestly i doubt it. we all grow, we all change, we all deserve second, third and forth chances (outside of stuff we all recognize as unforgivable). how many times should i forgive my brother or sister? not seven times, but seventy-seven times. i believe this. when someone is suffering we should try and help. attempting to determine if the sufferer is worthy of our help is loving nazi poo poo. quantifying human suffering and saying "this person deserves a hand and this one doesn't" is wrong and cruel.
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Aug 11, 2022 01:37
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you are all very kind, I wish I could say it has made me feel better, but I still feel overwhelmed and awful and I think I am just going to autoban again and not come back this time, not on this account, not on any other. I truly do not belong on this site and I never did, and it would be dumb to think 'oh well I'll limit myself to this forum..' no I won't, first of all. even if I did the same thing would happen again and I'd be right back here. i shouldn't have wasted money on this account. hell i just bought an avatar yesterday. loving idiotic of me. wasting money on poo poo for an account on a forum where I felt the need to go anonymous because everyone hates me and would legit cheer if they heard I was dead lol. galaxy brain poo poo. why would I even want to be on a forum where people felt that way about me? what's wrong with me lol? one way or another I'm gonna get out of everyone's hair, if I simply cannot stop myself from reading or posting then I will just auto ban but it is high time I stopped being anyone else's problem but my own. thank you for listening to me and being kind to a stranger who is hurting.
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Aug 11, 2022 01:42
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if you think that's the best choice i'm not going to argue with you but it is important for me to tell you that you have value as a human being regardless of posts. sometimes i think about shutting down all my pro-active internet use so i kinda get it.
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Aug 11, 2022 01:46
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