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Jim begins to salt and marinate Dwight as he chops vegetables and pours bullion into a simmering cauldron.
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Aug 15, 2022 23:09
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| # ? Jun 4, 2024 21:02 |
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Jim, starving on a desert island, looks at Dwight and comically pictures him looking like a fully cooked Dr. Horrible’s Ghastly Lab Creepy Gummy Bug. Jim then asks Dwight if he’s ever “tried man-meat.” Jim winks at Dwight, who is uneasily considering all possible interpretations of the question.
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Aug 16, 2022 01:04
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Jim crushes Dwight into the shape of a basketball and dribbles him down the court.
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Aug 16, 2022 02:52
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Jim watches movies at his own home by hacking into Dwight's Netflix account, then notifies Netflix about it so Dwight gets charged extra.
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Aug 16, 2022 04:21
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JediTalentAgent posted:Jim watches movies at his own home by hacking into Dwight's Netflix account, then notifies Netflix about it so Dwight gets charged extra. Jim does this so that Dwight cancels his Netflix subscription and switches to Disney+. Jim sighs contentedly as he logs into Dwight's new account and prepares to stream the cult classic Mars Needs Moms
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Aug 16, 2022 04:28
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Jim already has Mars Needs Moms on DVD, BD, 3D Bluray, 4K bluray, 4k 3D bluray, a copy on his own cable company set top box he recorded when it aired on ABC, a HK VCD bootleg, a Viewmaster slide version, the young adult AND children's novelizations, a 35mm film print that was never recovered when that Scranton Theater manager was found dead after the film's last showing, and a personal copy he put on VHS and Beta for when he travels back in time to the 80s and watches it with his younger self.
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Aug 16, 2022 04:34
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Dwight, during his sabbatical researching the early cave paintings of Lascaux, uncovers a hidden chamber. Excitedly, he climbs up through the shaft and pulls himself into the new room. His light shows that there are pictures on the wall, thousands of years old. Dwight is the first man to see these cave paintings in literal millennia. The first is a woman, drawn in the pre-historic style with greatly exaggerated curves. The second, a strange symbol not seen before: a perfect circle, entirely red. The last, is common pictograph in ancient peoples: the snare, a symbol for great wanting, for need. Dwight steps back as the meaning of these pictures hits him, and realizes that Time-Travel Jim once again defaced a priceless piece of history as a prank.
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Aug 16, 2022 04:56
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Jim crushes Dwight into the shape of a basketball and leaves him like that for the rest of his life.
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Aug 16, 2022 05:31
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Jim becomes obsessed with the old NBC cartoon, Captain N: The Game Master, insisting on now being called "Captain Jim" Dwight points out that it's sort of interesting in how NBC had two separate cartoons involving people pulled out of the real world into a fantasy concept version of a media world that the leads were linked to within just a few years of one another. Dwight recommends that if Jim is interested in such things he should give Kidd Video a shot, too. Jim runs Dwight over with a Subaru Brat the next day after work.
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Aug 16, 2022 05:49
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Jim makes a deal with God, and gets him to swap their (Jim and Dwight’s) places. Dwight as Jim goes to the office and follows-up on all of the sales leads Jim has been neglecting in favor of pranks. He also finally finishes up the rundown for Charles Miner, and takes Pam out for a heartfelt dinner at Scranton’s finest restaurant. Jim as Dwight, nude except for a pair of red tennis shoes, revs up a chainsaw, and then mugs the camera as he slowly lowers it down his body.
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Aug 16, 2022 06:18
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Jim steals all of Dwight's Dundees and engraves His, Jim's, name on them.
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Aug 16, 2022 07:08
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Jim becomes addicted to true crime murder mystery videos. The rest of the office is concerned, so Dwight decides to intervene. He catches Jim laughing himself silly to an episode on his phone and decides to speak up. "Jim, we know how you get inspired by media. Before you make take the wrong ideas from..." "Shshshsshhhush!" Jim puts his finger in Dwight's face. "This is the best part! See how he's just gotten sentenced and is going to get the chair! HA!" "Well, the thing is, Jim, we just wanted to make sure you're not getting any ideas from the people in these shows..." "What kind of ideas could I get from these idiots?" Jim was absorbed by the show. "I know, that's the moral of the story, Jim. People will always get caught for the things they do." "Not these guys, though..." Jim is still smiling. "They didn't." "No, you just said that guy got the chair." "I KNOW that, Dwight, but he didn't DO anything! None of them did anything!" Jim paused the video for a moment and pulled out his car keys, jingling them for a moment in front of Dwight to show something off, but Dwight only caught glimpses of things that looked like random charms, maybe souvenirs, before Jim hastily twirled them around once and tossed them back into his pocket so he could go right back to watching his shows. "See?" Dwight stared at Jim in silence for a few more seconds before backing away.
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Aug 16, 2022 07:43
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Jim gets really into extremely graphic anime pornography and tricks Dwight into offending the sensibilities of many Something Awful posters when he (Dwight) tells Jim that erotic cartoons are not appropriate reading material for an office environment. Jim mugs the camera as Dwight is inundated with hundreds of PMs calling him racist and homophonic.
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Aug 16, 2022 18:52
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Michael punishes Dwight for “doxxing” Jim when Dwight shares compelling evidence that Jim is a dangerous criminal with dozens of murders to his (Jim’s) name.
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Aug 16, 2022 18:57
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Jim attaches powerful strings to the bottom of his red tennis shoes, intending to leap onto Dwight's roof in order to prank him. Unfortunately, the strings are too powerful and Jim is launched into the air. He continues to fly into the air, eventually breaking free of Earth's gravity on a collision course with the moon. Jim attempts to say something witty, but there's nothing to carry his speech in space, so he's just silent. Instead, he mugs and thinks about what he would say. Jeez, I've heard of Fly Me to the Moon, but this is nuts! As Jim approaches the moon, he spies a farmhouse next to what appears to be a tilled field. Jim makes a note of the location and, once he finally lands, begins a march back towards the farm. As he walks, he sees a light on inside the house. Y'know, David Bowie said there was life on Mars, but life on the Moon? Truly, it's a godawful small affair! As he gets closer, Jim realizes that the farmhouse is a perfect copy of Schrute Farms. Jim hears a strange, muffled barking in the distance and wonders what is going on. Mose? But that's ridiculous, Jim thinks, Mose wouldn't be on the moon. And if he was, he wouldn't sound like... that. Jim reaches the front door and knocks, unsure of what he'll find. Dull thuds come from within and the door opens up. Jim smiles at the the thing on the other side of the door. Of course, he thinks, who else would live in a place like this? Jim steps inside and closes the door behind him.
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Aug 16, 2022 19:57
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Naturally, Jim is referencing the 2008 Belgian animated film Fly me to the Moon distributed by Summit entertainment and produced by nWave Pictures et al. ("With so many studios of course it's going to be great!" says Jim). Jim is completely unfamiliar with the Frank Sinatra song of the same name or even the Japanese cover that plays over the end credits of the Neon Genesis Evangelion TV series, despite having executed several Evangelion-themed pranks over the years.
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Aug 16, 2022 21:23
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Jim floods the office with orange juice and tries to convince Dwight that the liquid is LCL and that the moment of Instrumentality is upon them.
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Aug 16, 2022 21:25
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Jim, completely nude except for a karate gi and a pair of red tennis shoes, traps Dwight in an infinite combo, air-juggling the helpless paper salesman with a brutal onslaught of punches and kicks. As Jim delivers yet another uppercut, Michael Scott mugs for the camera (Jim is currently preoccupied) and exclaims "Toasty!" in a high falsetto.
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Aug 16, 2022 22:00
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Dwight wades through a sea of ball-pit balls that come up to his knees on his walk to the break room. Jim pops up from his ambush position hidden under the balls and throws a banana cream pie at him. He laughs as Dwight falls backwards into a trampoline, which bounces Dwight into a paper baler that Jim stole from the warehouse for this purpose. Jim has placed a woman's dress on the other side of the baler, hoping that Dwight will be pushed through in the dress like some kind of cartoon character. Instead, Dwight's mangled body splatters all over Erin at the front desk. Barely audible over her screams are Jim's nonsensical quip, "I've heard of picking your gender... no wait... it was going to be something about bathrooms..." Jim pauses a moment and then a herd of cows stampede out of the women's restroom. "Oh man, something about being 'udderly confused'?" Kevin is frantically trying to call 9-1-1, but Jim cut the phone lines for another prank that he forgot to consummate. Michael (wearing an "I'm with Princess Peach" shirt) considers rebuking Jim, but he's afraid to "go low" and get enmeshed in Jim's antics.
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Aug 16, 2022 22:05
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jim enters the office accompanied by a pair of uneasy-looking men in overalls wheeling a steel drum on a dolly. following a firm nod from jim, they pop the lid and shove the drum over, spilling sulphurous crude oil all over the office carpet jim looks smug and attempts to deliver a bon mot relating to "having heard of a rude workplace, but". however, he, jim, stutters and subsequently chokes on the delivery. mortified, jim tries again, but by this point - crude oil around their ankles forgotten - the rest of the office have caught on. Oscar points and begins to laugh, and soon the entire office is jeering at Jim's failure jim wades from the office wreathed in messy tears as Andy mugs the camera
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Aug 16, 2022 22:37
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Jim loads a cannon with frozen peas and fires it at Dwight's bedroom window just as Dwight opens the shutters to say good morning to the family of bluebirds nesting on Dwight's windowsill.
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Aug 16, 2022 22:50
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Jim enters the office completely nude, except for a pair of red tennis shoes and his business casual attire that he wears to the office every day. He leans across his desk to Dwight and whispers "I'm naked under this, you know."
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Aug 16, 2022 22:54
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24 Hours in the Life of Dwight Schrute: 1am Dwight is awakened by the sound of glass breaking downstairs. He creeps down the stairs, clutching a baseball bat. There's definitely someone moving around in the living room, Dwight can hear footsteps. He turns on the light but is surprised to see no one. The sound of footsteps persists and after some investigation Dwight discovers Jim's squeaky shoe machine walking around. Dwight puts the machine outdoors so it can wander home. 2am Dwight is asleep. Jim sneaks into Dwight's house and ties all of Dwight's shoelaces together. 3am Dwight is still asleep. Jim releases several feral skunks into the crawlspace under Dwight's house and startles them so that they spray. Jim is also sprayed but the damage is done. 4am Dwight is awakened by police knocking on Dwight's door with a warrant for the arrest of "Dwight Poop" on suspicion of aiding and abetting a known abortionist. Dwight shows identification that he is in fact Dwight Schrute. Dwight is still "invited" down to the police station for questioning. Dwight is forced to go in his socks because his shoelaces are all tied together. 5am Dwight sits in a holding cell at the police station. All the graffiti scrawled on the cell walls are personally insulting to Dwight. 6am The police question Dwight extensively about "Dwight Poop." They do not believe Dwight Poop is fictional. 7am Dwight is finally allowed to speak to an attorney over the telephone. The attorney turns out to be Jim with a clothespin on his nose to modify his voice (and also to block out the skunk stench). Jim advises Dwight to "plead the fifth of Jack" and also gives detailed instructions on how to make a noose out of prison bedsheets. Dwight hangs up while Jim is still talking. 8am Dwight is finally released from the police station. He doesn't have time to drive home and change clothes so he has no choice but to go to work in his rumpled clothes (the police confiscated Dwight's tie and rumpled his clothes on purpose). Luckily he has a pair of sneakers in his gym bag in the trunk. 9am Dwight arrives at work. No sooner has Dwight walked through the doors than he is dazzled by the light of a flashbulb popping. Jim is there with a Polaroid camera. Jim pins the candid photo of rumpled, unshaven Dwight to the bulletin board with the caption "employee of the month" scrawled beneath it. Dwight discovers Jim has built a scale model train set across the top of Jim's and Dwight's desks. 10am Dwight has finally disassembled the last of the scale model train set and begins the arduous process of recovering his belongings from where Jim has hidden them. Jim has hidden all the items from Dwight's desk around the room, Puzzlemania style. 11am Dwight goes to pour himself a cup of coffee, but the only coffee available is the Nestle "Extra Cruel, Unfair Trade" blend that Jim buys. Dwight agonizes over pouring himself a cup, but he needs the caffeine fix and he's able to rationalize to himself that he didn't actually buy the coffee. Dwight is in the middle of taking a sip when he realizes there's a dead mouse floating in his coffee cup and he spits coffee all over the floor. 12pm Lunchtime. Michael declares a pizza party catered by Famous Original Jim's (the worst pizza place in all of Pennsylvania, maybe even the entire East Coast). Dwight chokes down a slice of "chalkier than chalk" pizza and gets back to work. 1pm Jim won't stop kicking Dwight's legs under the desk. Jim gets up but something keeps kicking Dwight's legs. Jim has set up a pair of mannequin legs to kick Dwight under the desk. 2pm Jim pulls the fire alarm because he thinks he sees Charles Miner's car pulling up but actually all he saw was an African American child on a skateboard. Dwight has to wait outside in the parking lot for the fire department to come and turn off the alarm. 3pm Dwight comes back to discover the firemen hacked his desk to pieces with axes because Jim put a smoke bomb inside the desk as the office was evacuating. Jim didn't come back after the fire alarm he just went straight home. 4pm Dwight finishes his work and starts on the work Jim left unfinished. 5pm Jim repeatedly crank calls Michael in the guise of various customers with phony complaints about Dwight. Michael calls Dwight in for 1 on 1 counseling. 6pm Dwight finally finishes work. Dwight discovers Jim has triggered a self-inflating raft inside Dwight's car and the interior is inaccessible. 7pm Dwight arrives home to find a carnival setting up on his property. Dwight's crops are trampled and the roustabouts stomp freely through Dwight's home to use the bathroom. 8pm Dwight is still remonstrating with the carnival manager. Jim, disguised as a roustabout, sneaks into Dwight's house and sets up a drum of "elephant toothpaste." 9pm The carnival is finally being struck and Dwight, exhausted, retreats to his home. Opening the door triggers a chain of pullies that dumps a drum of chemicals into the vat to trigger the elephant toothpaste reaction. Dwight is blasted out his door by a wall of foam. Much of his house is ruined. 10pm Dwight drives to McDonalds to get dinner since his kitchen is covered in foam and he's starving and every other place is closed. The floppy-haired drive-thru attendant hands Dwight a bag brimming with mayonnaise. Dwight has to go and eat at Taco Bell, which isn't much better. 11pm Dwight arrives home to find his house surrounded by police. An anonymous tip reported that Dwight was having a raucous foam party with underaged teens. Dwight is again taken to the police station for questioning. 12am Dwight is again questioned by the police. Jim (in a police stripper costume) mugs as he unplugs the security camera from the interrogation room just as a pair of officers is seen entering with a waterboarding kit. Applewhite fucked around with this message at 23:47 on Aug 16, 2022 |
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Aug 16, 2022 23:43
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Geez, this Jim guy is quite the menace.
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Aug 16, 2022 23:52
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Jim fills his own (Jim's own) mouth with marbles and spits them out at Dwight like a machine gun.
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Aug 17, 2022 00:00
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Jim deliberately develops hideous varicose veins and then shows up to work in tiny DayGlo booty shorts.
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Aug 17, 2022 00:51
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Jim launches Dwight into space on Elon Musk’s massive “Starship” rocket. With an original course set for Venus (which, obviously, needs Dads), the missile instead explodes on the launchpad. Dwight is miraculously not hurt, but instead launched through the air into a pincushion warehouse, where millions of sharp needles are held haphazardly in a pile.
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Aug 17, 2022 00:52
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Dwight kills jim and gets a medal
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Aug 17, 2022 01:03
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Jim trims his toenails at his desk, and one of the slivers flicks over onto Dwight’s desk. Jim whistles Smash Mouth’s 1999 hit “All-Star” with perfect pitch the entire time. Also, Jim is wearing a pornographic shirt featuring Wario and Princess Peach that says “I’m Wario Her” (which Jim had custom designed and printed). And the office building is actually made with bricks composed of the ashes of Dwight’s cremated relatives mixed with his tears.
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Aug 17, 2022 01:22
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Tiny Jim deliberately develops tiny hideous varicose veins and then shows up in extremely tiny DayGlo booty shorts.
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Aug 17, 2022 02:34
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Jim stands up on his desk and loudly announces that he’s buying the Scranton Unified little league soccer team. A few people glance at him, most don’t even pause working. The camera is focused on Dwight, who is playing an epic game of parcheesi with the world grandmaster, with the (recently upped) stakes for the winner being a years supply of beets (to be donated to the winner’s choice of charities). Dwight’s story is the A-plot for this week’s episode of The American Office, and Jim barely makes the C-plot for his wacky news about “intending” to “buy” a soccer team. Jim feels increasingly unsatisfied with the rush of attention he gets from his increasingly outrageous stunts. Jim and Elon (dressed as Wario and Waluigi) sulk in the corner while Ryan (in the B-plot) practices his classical salsa dancing with Phyllis in the break room.
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Aug 17, 2022 03:43
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Big Jim deliberately develops big hideous varicose veins and then shows up in extremely tiny DayGlo booty shorts.
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Aug 17, 2022 04:09
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Jim deliberately develops hideous varicose veins and then shows up to work in tiny DayGlo booty shorts. Time stops for everyone but Jim as Cosmic Jim flickers into existence. Cosmic Jim looks Jim up and down. "Pretty wack prank bro, you could be way grosser. I'll get out of your hair, but I got one word for you: Hernias!" Cosmic Jim disappears in a blinding flash of light. Jim mugs the camera, in addition to his, Jim's, day glow booty shorts Jim is now also wearing a smaller than skin-tight "Jeb!" cutoff T-Shirt. Jim's now exposed abdomen is bulging with a dozen grotesque hernias.
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Aug 17, 2022 07:00
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Aug 17, 2022 10:13
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The Predator is lured to Scranton by the promise of hunting the world's greatest prankster. Jim hacks the Predator's helmet to make everyone in the office look like him (Jim).
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Aug 17, 2022 10:30
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Jim deliberately develops moderately hideous varicose veins and then shows up in extremely tiny DayGlo booty shorts. Dwight finds them gross, but not overwhelmingly so. Cosmic Jim freezes time and appears before Jim. “Thrice you have denied me,” he says. Jim pleads and tries to run, but his judgement is final. Jim’s legs burst and ooze, then dissolve into black goo. The rest of Jim’s body smokes and desiccates, leaving behind only red tennis shoes and tiny DayGlo booty shorts. Jim awakes in the prankless universe. There are hundreds of other Jim’s there, each of them working on an identical recreation of Jim’s desk, all identically and uniformly spaced across in vast grey expanse, each Jim calmly making sales calls and entering budget estimates. Jim, shaking and crying, is led to an empty desk. Back in the original dimension, the Tiny Jim’s select one of their own and begin over feeding him spaghetti to grow a replacement Jim.
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Aug 17, 2022 12:49
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A withered old man with varicose veins comes into the Scranton office, dressed in tattered rags. Jim spits on him and calls him "Veiny McVeinLegs", then pushes him to the ground. Dwight helps the old man up and gives him a drink of water, then asks why he's come to the office. "Thank you, kind sir. I've come here to grant a wish for the first person that helped me." Jim stands up, shoves Dwight aside, and then starts patting the old man. "It was me, okay? I helped you first! If I hadn't pushed you down then Dwight wouldn't have helped you, right? RIGHT? So give me the wish!" "Speak your wish, prankster man, and I shall grant it." "I WISH I WOULD NEVER RUN OUT OF IDEAS TO PRANK DWIGHT!" The old man lifts a skeletal hand to Jim's face and places it upon his forehead. He closes his eyes and murmurs something. Jim's eyes are suddenly filled with bouncing electricity, as if a bolt of lightning is bouncing around his brain. Jim opens his mouth as if to scream but no sounds come out. The old man pulls his hand away and Jim falls to his knees, then collapses. Dwight asks the old man what he showed Jim. "Everything, Dwight. Every prank imaginable, all at once, just as he wished. His mind couldn't take the strain, I'm afraid." A drooling Jim twitches for the camera.
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Aug 17, 2022 13:25
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Jim spends the entire day ambushing Dwight and poking Dwight in the rear end with a broom handle. Jim hopes that the network will like the prank so much that they'll order a spin-off show entirely dedicated to Jim poking Dwight in the rear end. "I've heard of a backdoor pilot, but this is ridiculous!" laughs Jim as the spring-loaded dildo in Dwight's office chair jabs Dwight painfully in the thigh.
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Aug 17, 2022 14:20
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Jim paints a giant black hole on the wall, then dares Dwight to "go through the tunnel". Dwight questions this at first, but then reflects back on some of Jim's previous pranks. Painting a hole on the wall that becomes an actual hole is entirely reasonable, so Dwight takes step forward. He lets out a quiet "ouch" as he bumps into the solid wall. Frustrated, Dwight sits back down at his desk. Just then, he hears a train coming from within the tunnel. Jim, now wearing a conductor's hat, mugs for the camera.
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Aug 17, 2022 14:23
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| # ? Jun 4, 2024 21:02 |
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Jim starts an anonymous Go Fund Me page that claims to be "raising money to support Dwight". The fundraiser makes millions as Jim cackles with glee. However, lawyers eventually get wind of the scam and ask Jim what the money's going towards. Jim stands up and calmly pats Dwight on the back while saying "there, there, buddy". This is enough for the lawyers, who say Jim has fulfilled his contract. Jim mugs for the camera.
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Aug 17, 2022 17:14
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