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Dwight is busy catching the live ferrets scampering around the break room when Jim, in a blue dress with large wings, flies in and waves a magic wand. Dwight is transformed into a living marionette; a living puppet who can walk and talk. Jim, now dressed as Jim-petto (an old man with grey floppy hair and a small pair of glasses) rushes into the room and shouts with glee, “I’ve always wanted a real boy of my own!” A Tiny Jim, nude except for green body paint and a top hat, is renamed Jiminy Cricket and forced to follow puppet Dwight around, constantly advising him to break the rules or prank people. Despite Jiminy’s constant attention, Dwight stays on the straight and narrow. He refuses to lie to his customers, refuses to drink during work hours, and decides against joining the traveling circus due to his existing commitments. Eventually, however, Dwight is misled to the Island of Paper, where paper salesmen can sell all the paper they want. There are customers with bottomless needs for paper: law firms, book binders, and even the white whale: the Scranton County School System. Dwight sells paper until he realizes that the island is a trap, designed to dull his keen sales instincts with too-easy customers. He escapes by boat, but is swallowed whole by Elon Musk. Jim-petto rows out into the ocean and sprays Elon with a garden hose until the monster spits out Dwight. For their heroic actions, Dwight is turned back to a human. Michael docks three days of unpaid leave from his pay, as Dwight had failed to provide notice of his unexpected leave; and Jiminy performs one final act of self sacrifice by diving into Michael’s coffee and drowning himself, avenging Dwight’s minor indignity.
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Sep 13, 2022 13:34
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| # ? May 31, 2024 00:49 |
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Jim wears a pair of giant platform shoes to work, complete with a sealed aquarium in the bottom. When Dwight asks to look at what kind of fish Jim has, to make sure they're well taken care of, Jim smiles. Inside of the clear plastic lies the entire Atlantic ocean. Dwight looks and sees, miles away somehow, a blue whale swimming with its mate. He looks down and sees a massive school of jellyfish bobbing in the briny depths. Dwight suddenly realizes that he is now lost in the massive ocean - each direction he looks in just reveals and endless expanse of ocean. He's extremely disoriented now, unsure which way is up or down. His lungs now starting to burn from a lack of oxygen, but Dwight can't find his bearings. Desperate, he begins kicking his legs and pushing as fast as he can in one direction, begging the universe to give him a break and lead him to the surface. Jim, now alone in the office, hops on his desk and begins to dance to "Tequila". Inside the endless ocean, the waves crash and tumble with each movement. Dwight grows even more disoriented and the world around him begins to fade away to nothing. Jim mugs for the camera.
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Sep 13, 2022 13:37
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dwight steps away from his desk to use the bathroom, making absolutely sure that he has locked his computer. once he has left, jim uses a zero-day exploit to log in and change dwight's desktop background to an image of Shrek, nude
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Sep 13, 2022 14:02
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Dwight steps away from his desk to use the bathroom, making absolutely sure he's locked his computer. When Dwight arrives in the bathroom he's shocked to find his computer and monitor sitting in the bowl of the center urinal! Jim's smirking face appears on the monitor. "Talk about 'pee-ram,' eh, balloon boy?" laughs Jim.
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Sep 13, 2022 14:14
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jim puts a live wire in the urinal at work, forcing dwight's dick to get extremely fried
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Sep 13, 2022 15:26
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Dwight steps away from his desk to use the bathroom, making absolutely sure he's locked his computer. When Dwight returns, his computer looks untouched. But as he tries to compose an email, the response is slightly sluggish. Jim used the few minutes to hack into Dwight’s PC and install a cryptominer, generating several pennies per day for the Pranking Fund.
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Sep 13, 2022 15:37
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Dwight steps away from his desk to use the bathroom, making absolutely sure he's locked his computer. When Dwight returns, his computer looks untouched. Jim didn’t do anything to it. But when Dwight sits down, he sits on a tack.
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Sep 13, 2022 15:38
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Dwight steps away from his desk to use the bathroom, making absolutely sure he's locked his computer. When Dwight returns, an 8x10 glossy glamor shot of Jim’s smirking face has been taped to Dwight’s monitor.
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Sep 13, 2022 15:38
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Dwight steps away from his desk to use the bathroom, making absolutely sure he's locked his computer. When Dwight returns, his entire desk has been encased in jello.
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Sep 13, 2022 15:39
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Dwight steps away from his desk to use the bathroom, making absolutely sure he's locked his computer. When he returns, his computer is missing. He asks Jim where Jim hid it. "Dwight, your computer has been split in to 6 pieces and spread across the Land of Scranton. The first piece is hidden within the dark catacombs of the Radioactive Clown Cemetery. Another lies at the bottom of Lake Scranton. The third is held within the confines of Famous Original Jim's. The next piece is sealed away in the cavernous depths of my basement. The fifth piece is sealed away atop Mt. Scranton's icy peak. And the final piece, the most difficult to find of all, has been sealed away in the deepest parts of the Ravensbeak Asylum. Best of luck, Dwight, for you'll need every ounce of courage, strength, and wisdom you have to complete this task. Might I suggest you begin your journey by -" Jim is cut off as Dwight finishes plugging his computer back in. Dwight smiles politely and Jim loses his train of thought, shocked that Dwight completed the quest so quickly. Eventually, Jim just sits back down and tries to think of a funny way to end this prank, but is completely flummoxed. In a talking head segment, Dwight explains that several months ago he requested a backup computer from Michael "for exactly this sort of thing".
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Sep 13, 2022 15:44
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Dwight steps away from his desk to use the bathroom, making absolutely sure he's locked his computer. When he returns, he cries out in pain when he enters his username, as his keyboard keys have been replaced with tacks. "God loving drat it Jim enough with the loving tacks, you've been tacking me for three loving pages" he screams. He's unsure why he just said what he said. Jim turns to him and grins. His teeth have been replaced with tacks. Dwight, horrified, begins to back away. Jim's trademark floppy hair - tacks. His eyes glow silver, the tacks reflecting the artificial office lighting. His skin glistened - tacks. Jim had tacked every inch of exposed flesh. "What's the matter Dwight, are my jokes getting too... tacky?" Cenobite Jim tries to laugh but begins to cough.
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Sep 13, 2022 15:53
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dwight steps away from his desk to use the bathroom, making absolutely sure that he has locked his, jim's, computer. dwight does this by leaning over and hitting windows-l while jim is in the middle of typing up pranking plans. unable to figure out how to unlock his screen, jim emits a piercing screech while thrashing the desk with both of his, jim's, hands
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Sep 13, 2022 15:54
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Dwight steps away from his desk to use the bathroom, making absolutely sure he's locked his computer. Jim enters Dwight's password wrong three times in a row so that Dwight's computer locks itself and he has to call tech support to unlock it. Jim puts on a ballcap that reads "Dunder Mifflin IT Dept." and mugs for the camera.
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Sep 13, 2022 15:57
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Jim's vocalizations frequently being described as "screeching" is low key one of my more favorite running gags.
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Sep 13, 2022 17:20
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In my head Jim is basically Christian Bale in The Machinist but with a head of hair that looks like he's been in the woods for months by himself. And his voice sounds like a cross between Ben Shapiro and Mark Levin. Also if you stare at him too long you start to get headaches.
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Sep 13, 2022 17:29
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Jim has been telling Pam for several weeks now about how much he's looking forward to "taking a vacation" and "relaxing without all the pressures" on him. Pam is cautiously optimistic. This might be a chance to renew the marriage, and rekindle the spark. Jim won't tell her anything about his plans, though, other than the fact that he's "so stressed" from "all the new demands the Bosses" are placing on him. The day of Jim's vacation, she gets into the car. Nervous, but also excited. Jim used to surprise her with little gestures like this. Things used to be different. Is he turning over a new leaf? Jim starts the car and begins to drive. Pam is puzzled, then concerned, as Jim drives to work. "Jim, I know that somehow almost every aspect of our personal, private lives has occurred in or around the office, but-" Pam cuts herself off as she chases after Jim, into the building and up the stairs. She catches up with Jim just as he's sitting down into his chair, with a blissful, contented smile on his face. Jim picks up the phone with alacrity and whistles a merry tune as he calls his first client of the day. Pam, confused, heads over to sit down at the front desk, but Erin chases her away. Pam watches Jim, smiling contentedly, multitask several calls with shipment delivery confirmation on his computer. Finally, once Jim finishes a call but before he finishes dialing his next customer, Pam taps Jim on the shoulder. "What's going on? I thought you were starting your vacation today." Jim smiles (not a smirk; a genuine smile) and replies, "This is my vacation, Pam. Don't you understand? Dwight is in Jamaica this week. He's gone. I've been given a week away from pranking him! The Council has released me! I'm having the time of my life today." Jim spins around in his chair and high-fives Stanley, who also looks excited and yells, "And at lunch today: Pretzels!" Pam frowns the camera.
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Sep 13, 2022 17:36
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Dwight steps away from his desk to use the bathroom, making absolutely sure he's locked his computer. Unfortunately Dwight neglected to remove his CAC card from the card reader. Jim surreptitiously places clear tape over the EMV chip on Dwight's card, rendering Dwight unable to log back in for several minutes.
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Sep 13, 2022 18:11
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Dwight doesn't step away from his desk to use the bathroom because Jim has moved Dwight's desk to the bathroom again.
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Sep 13, 2022 18:11
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An aged Jim, nearly 100 years old, sits in his wheel chair in the middle of a beautiful meadow. A child pushes him to the top of a hill, allowing the sun's rays to warm Jim's liver-spotted skin. Jim smiles a toothless smile. "You know... I used to prank Dwight out here. What a world I lived in. Such wonderful things. I had a job where everyone was friends, and we'd spend all of our free time together, that's how much we liked each other." The child smiles at him, beckoning him to continue his trip down memory lane. A few butterflies circle around Jim's head and then take off towards the fields full of beautiful flowers. "I sold paper, you see. Wonderful, wonderful paper. And I owned a pizza restaurant that EVERYBODY talked about. Famous Original Jim's. That was our name. And Dwight. Oh, Dwight. He had a farm, a bed and breakfast, a genetic research lab, and so many other wonderful things. And all of this was just how things were, back in the day." The child pats Jim on the shoulder and then sits down, cross-legged, in the high grass of the meadow. Puffy white clouds float past the sun and cast pleasing shadows on the world below. "And oh, how I'd prank Dwight! Things in jello, fake phone calls, tearing my flesh off and revealing my skeleton. All the classic pranks. I never had any malice in my heart, of course. It was all just very, very funny to me. And I think, looking at me now, laughter truly is the best medicine. I outlived them all, even Dwight. God I miss them all. So very, very much." The child wipes a tear from Jim's face and is ready to wheel him back to the Schrute Memorial Nursing Home when Jim protests. "Wait, just one minute. Did you know I had a monkey once, his name was Chips. And I can't remember if I had HIM first, or if Dwight had his pet eagle first. That's funny, isn't it, how we both had -" Jim is cut off as the child puts a single finger to Jim's lips, hushing him. "Great-grandpa Jim," says the child in a sweet, sing-song voice, "I didn't bring you out here to hear these stupid stories. I brought you out here to ask - WHERE IN THE WORLD IS MY RUNDOWN?" Jim blinks. It's no longer his great grandson pushing the wheelchair. Charles Miner, as young as he was 50 years ago, is there now. He is stone-faced and emotionless. "So, Jim, you've had, what... 60 years? 70? And you still haven't gotten me a rundown, have you?" The ancient man shivers and shrinks in his wheelchair. "A-are... are you... my Death? Is it finally time?" "No, Jim. Not until you get me the run down." Jim turns around and Charles Miner is now gone. A cool breeze blows across the meadow. To Jim any and all sense of serenity and joy has left this place. He begins wheeling himself home, the squeaky wheels of his chair reminding him of a place and time long ago, lost to memory.
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Sep 13, 2022 18:24
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Dwight keeps waiting for the Super Squeaky Shoe Machine to stop moving. In the past, he's usually only had to wait it out for three, four days, tops. But it's been going steady for three weeks now. Constantly following Dwight around, interrupting his calls, following him home, keeping him up at night. It won't stop. Unbeknownst to Dwight, Jim has created a perpetual motion machine in his Prankatorium (basement). Instead of using it to solve the world's energy problems, however, he kept it secret in order to power his Super Squeaky Shoe Machine. Jim laughs (with a bit of a cough catching in his throat due to the recently re-opened Lackawanna Coal Mine).
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Sep 13, 2022 18:42
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LaserPrinter69 posted:Jim takes hypnosis lessons, and causes Dwight to forget 9/11 "What happened on 9/11?" asks a bewildered Dwight. "Join the club" says Jim, sheepishly
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Sep 13, 2022 19:01
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Dwight steps away from his desk to use the bathroom, making absolutely sure he's locked his (Dwight's) computer. When Dwight comes back from the bathroom, his (Dwight's) computer, desk, chair and assorted items are covered in a wallpaper featuring Jim's smirking face. When Dwight sits down on his (Dwight's) chair, the paper crumples and Dwight falls into a bunch of tacks.
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Sep 13, 2022 19:03
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Dwight steps away from his desk to use the bathroom, making absolutely sure he's locked his (Dwight's) computer. When Dwight comes back from the bathroom, his (Jim's) computer, desk, chair and assorted items are covered in a wallpaper featuring Jim's smirking face. Dwight goes back to work as normal.
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Sep 13, 2022 19:04
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Dwight steps away from his desk to use the bathroom, making absolutely sure he's locked his (Jim's) computer. Jim was finally in the middle of writing the rundown for Charles Miner, and the crappy office computer loses the work he's been doing so far. When Dwight comes back from the bathroom, Jim screeches and punches Dwight in the face out of anger.
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Sep 13, 2022 19:06
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Dwight and Angela attend a couple's massage therapy event. Dwight, finally able to truly relax after more than a decade of working at Dunder Mifflin, ends up falling asleep. When he wakes up, an oiled up Jim is standing next to the massage table. "Hey, sleepy head! Glad you got a chance to relax. You know what they say, oil's well that ends well!" Jim sprays massage oil directly in Dwight's eyes, laughing the entire time. Jim mugs for the camera.
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Sep 13, 2022 19:07
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Jim beckons Pam into the Prankatorium, formerly the basement. He walks over to the table and pulls off a blanket, and the room is bathed in a warm green glow. Pam shields her eyes from the intensity. "Behold my greatest invention! I call it pranktonuim. During the brown note trial runs, I accidently dropped my dunkaroo into the center of the plasma enclosure, and inadvertantly synthesized a new element. With the power of pranktonuim, I can finally begin the ultimate prank. The prankocaust." Pam is speechless. Her teeth begin to ache and she isn't sure why.
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Sep 13, 2022 19:57
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Dwight steps away from his desk to use the computer, making absolutely sure he's locked his bathroom. Trapped within, Jim feebly beats on the door while yelling to be let out. Eventually Jim slithers out of the tiny window, bonelessly, and vanishes into the eaves of Dwight's roof.
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Sep 13, 2022 23:17
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One day, the stress of Jim's thousands of pranks comes down on Dwight, causing him to break down and weep unremittingly.
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Sep 14, 2022 02:12
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Jim wraps his translucent spidery fingers around Dwight's throat and attempts to strangle the life out of him. Jim's hands are incredibly weak, however, barely strong enough to form a fist at the best of times, and so from Dwight's perspective it seems more like a delicate (and somewhat strange) embrace. A novice attempt at displaying affection, perhaps. Dwight decides to reciprocate and gently pats Jim's hands, which bruise immediately.
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Sep 14, 2022 03:28
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Jim puts a plastic skeleton at his desk. The skeleton is dressed exactly like Jim and, due to Jim's "unique body type" several people confuse the skeleton for Jim. After 6 hours, everyone agrees that "Jim" seems nicer, healthier, better looking, and more productive than ever. Jim, who's been hiding in an air duct planning to leap on Dwight, overhears all of this and begins to feel sad. Am I really that hated? I thought everyone loved me and my light-hearted pranks? Jim shifts his weight and the air vent ends up falling out of the ceiling, causing Jim to tumble onto the plastic skeleton. Kevin looks on with a look of horror. "Oh my god, there are TWO Jims!" Jim stands up and spreads his arms. "People, people! I've heard enough! For years, my terrible pranks and unsettling nature have terrorized you good people. I've caused property damage, emotional stress, and even physical damage to so many of you. Well, no more! As of today, I am a new man! And I'll begin this journey by tossing this stupid prank skeleton out the window!" Jim tosses the skeleton out the window, where it bounces off of Stanley's car, shattering the front windshield. "Okay, uh... starting TOMORROW! Stanley, I'll get that replaced for you as soon as my next check clears." In a talking head segment, Jim beckons the camera crew to follow him into a storage closet. "I mean, I'm the plastic skeleton, duh. Please don't blow my cover, I'm looking forward to living life as a human for a while." "Jim" politely smiles at the camera.
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Sep 14, 2022 16:15
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Jim convinces Dwight that Battlestar Galactica, his favorite show, was merely a result of "the Mandela effect." In order to achieve this, Jim has replaced every tape, disc, or file of the show with a corresponding episode of "lost in space"
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Sep 14, 2022 16:15
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Jim successfully patents 'Playing computerized/electronic games with mouse and keyboard input devices'. He's shocked no one did this in the last 50 years. That night, he gets the local Scranton PD to arrest and charge Dwight with IP violations in the middle of his championship Fortnite game. The next day, a disheveled Dwight shows up to work and Jim's lawyer serves Dwight with a $500000 fine and a court order banning him from video gaming without the express written consent of Jim Halpert. Dwight writes a check for $500K and hands it to Jim's lawyer. The lawyer hands the check over the Jim, shrugs, and walks away. "You saved me, Jim. I want you to know that..." Dwight is on the verge of tears. "I went cold turkey last night thanks to you. I was so addicted to gaming that I realized I was starting to spend all my free time not devoted to charity, and work, and making nightly love to my wife, and the farm to online games. That night I spent in jail saved me. It broke me of my addiction. Thank you Jim. I went home, I deleted Steam, donated my Xbox. $500,000 is nothing compared to the cost of my soul." Dwight goes to his desk and sits down, deleting Minesweeper from the computer, and proceeds to start filing paper orders. Jim is confused as he holds the check for half a million dollars. He won, but why does he feel so empty?
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Sep 14, 2022 16:33
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Jim calls his Uncle Yoichi, who works at Nintendo, and asks him for "everything related to the new Zelda game", fully aware that Dwight is eager for the new game's release in 2023. Yoichi Halpert, who also loves pranks, laughs as he emails Jim every possible bit of information relating to the game, then deletes it all from Nintendo. To add insult to injury, he then burns any physical copies. "Totemo omoshiroi desu ne!" he says as the fire spreads through Nintendo HQ, also damaging some major work on an upcoming Mario game. When Jim opens his email account (SexyBoyHalpert69@yahoo.com) he deletes it. The next day, Nintendo announces that The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom has been indefinitely delayed due to "a terrible prank". Jim mugs for the camera as Dwight lets out a mournful wail, utterly overcome with emotion.
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Sep 14, 2022 16:39
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Jim tricks Dwight into opening the gate to the golden land, enabling Jim to steal the triforce.
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Sep 14, 2022 16:51
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Jim flips through his rolodex of pranks deep in the lairs of his Prankatorium (the basement's crawl space), desperately racking his brains. Has he worn diapers and tried to make Dwight change them yet? He can't remember. Jim's head feels like a fuzzy cloud. Fuzzy clown? No, that isn't right. All these... images... are stuck in his head. Was Jim once a skeleton? Did he ever eat spaghetti sufficient to birth tiny versions of himself? These insane thoughts are interrupted by Pam, who holds his head closely and tells Jim to put a small earpiece into his ear, then put his shoes on the wrong feet.
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Sep 14, 2022 17:33
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Uncle Jim's Family Fun Land Featuring Illumination's Minions from the Hit Film Franchises Despicable Me and Minions begins their new Fall/Halloween event - Spooktacular Shocktober Fall Fest Featuring Illumination's Minions from the Hit Film Franchises Despicable Me and Minions Starring In "Minions After Dark", A New Family-Friendly Scare Event. "I know it's a long title, but it's necessary to keep the rights to the Minions at my park," Jim explains. Attendance is slow at first but word of mouth spreads, with most attendees declaring it "the scariest loving thing I've ever seen". Dwight, who loves a good scare, eagerly attends. As Dwight walks the cracked sidewalks of the park he sees a long Minion wandering around, looking confused. Dwight realizes it's Jim inside a stained costume, unable to see, trying to scare people. The minion trips over a power cord and power to the entire park is shut off somehow. Jim rolls around on his back like a turtle before eventually giving up and laying there. "Lights Out Night" is hailed in the media as a "Masterclass in existential horror and dread" and Jim celebrates his financial success by smashing a pumpkin pie into Dwight's face at work the next day. When Dwight asks if Jim should be focused on the amusement park, Jim smiles. "Nah, that place pretty much runs itself at this point." At the amusement park, a small child is gnawing on a plastic ring from the ring toss game. Two bloggers from the Scranton Times photograph the scene and declare Jim to be "the new master of horror".
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Sep 14, 2022 17:34
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The archaeological world is abuzz after a clay figure, nicknamed "The Mugging Man", is found preserved in a tomb in Scotland dating back to 6000 BC. The figure appears to be constructed with more modern techniques, but there are no obvious signs that the object was planted. As the scientists slowly work on the strange artifact they discover that the head of the piece can be removed. Cautiously, they do so. As soon as the head comes off, a tiny tinkling noise is heard, as if from a music box. "Jeez... I've heard... of getting... a... little head... but this... is.... ridiculous!" An ancient wax cylinder turns inside the figure, replaying the voice of someone who lived nearly 10,000 years ago. The scientists are in awe of the ingenuity and craftmanship involved in the figure, which mugs back at them.
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Sep 14, 2022 17:57
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Michael schedules a burrito food truck to arrive at the office as a "thank you" to everyone for their hard work. Jim shoves Meredith out of the way to be the first one in line. "Gimme a chicken burrito, and don't skimp on the hot sauce, pal." "How how do you want it? This burrito gets pretty hot." "Did I stutter? Give me the hotter than hot burrito, you burrito-slinging jackass. I own a food truck, rear end in a top hat, and as soon as I get it out of the impound lot I'll run your raggedy rear end off the road. How's the sound?" The chef ignores this and makes Jim a burrito, remaining professional and following his recipe exactly. He doesn't even skimp on the cheese. "Here you go. One 5 star hot burrito." "loving finally. Jesus, you know some of us actually have to work for a living, we can't just piss around all day in a truck." Jim takes a bite of the burrito, which the average person would classify as "mildly spicy". As soon as it touches his tongue, Jim spontaneously combusts. The only thing remaining is a pile of ash and one of Jim's spindly legs, charred to the bone. Meredith is the next in line and steps up. "I'll have what he's having! Eh? Eh?" The entire office laughs at her clever reference as a breeze blows Jim's ashes across the parking lot. Dwight is on vacation this day.
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Sep 14, 2022 18:45
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Jim shoots Dwight with ice, freezing him. Jim then front-flips forward and uppercuts Dwight's frozen body, shattering it into a million pieces. Andy shouts "Toasty!" in a falsetto voice while Michael (wearing a shirt in support of Sonya Blade) watches from stone skull throne, laughs sinisterly.
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Sep 14, 2022 21:37
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| # ? May 31, 2024 00:49 |
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Jim squeezes himself through Dwight's pipes so that when Dwight gets up to get water at 4 in the morning, there is no water. Only Jim.
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Sep 15, 2022 03:35
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