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One day, oscar asks Jim, "Jim, you're clearly an intelligent man. You've been able to perform thousands of pranks on dwight, pushing his body to the brink of destruction, without killing him, and avoiding all legal and professional repercussions. If you applied whatever intelligence you've been using toward productive causes, you might be able to solve our energy crisis, or mediate the dispute between Israel and Palestine. Why don't you use some of your pranking power for good?" Jim screeches like a condor and sprays an ink sac onto oscar. He inflates his eyeballs like balloons and floats away.
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Sep 17, 2022 05:38
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| # ? May 31, 2024 01:29 |
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Dwight hosts a board game night at his house. It's Jim's night to pick the game. Jim smirks as he slides a DVD copy of Delgo onto the table. "That's not even a board game!" Dwight protests. Jim continues to smirk as he places a hand on the DVD and slides it half an inch closer to Dwight, maintaining unblinking eye contact the whole time.
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Sep 17, 2022 05:41
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Jim uses a Game Genie and a copy of Taboo: The Sixth Sense in an attempt to cause Dwight to die.
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Sep 17, 2022 06:45
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Jim works out a solution to the energy crisis, then burns the binder with the solution right in front of Dwight.
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Sep 17, 2022 17:00
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The binder was just a single sheet of paper with the words “stop letting oil companies control world politics” scrawled on it
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Sep 17, 2022 17:20
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Jim creates an exact duplicate of the Earth out of modeling clay and, while Dwight is sleeping, transports Schrute Farms on to “Clay Earth”. Dwight struggles for weeks as he erroneously believes Jim has transformed the original Earth in to clay. Because of this, Dwight focuses on returning the Earth to normal, instead of trying to escape his clay prison. Back on the real Earth, Jim mugs for the camera. “Wait, is there a clay me? Wonder what that guy’s doing?” On Clay Earth, an immobile Clay Jim also mugs for the camera. Forever.
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Sep 17, 2022 20:23
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Phyllis contracts cancer from proximity to Jim.
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Sep 17, 2022 20:49
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jim arranges matters such that dwight's continued employment is legally contingent on letting jim fist him, dwight dwight sighs and heads to the conference room, where a smirking jim sits with a bottle of sunflower oil
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Sep 17, 2022 22:05
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a jim, its plumes erect and resplendent, begins its traditional mating dance of jello encapsulation. dwight tries to concentrate on his work but is continually frustrated that half of his desk has been declared a federally protected endangered jim breeding habitat.
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Sep 17, 2022 22:17
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Jim spins around until he loses consciousness, completely disrupting Dwight's safety presentation.
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Sep 17, 2022 22:44
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Jim replaces his sim and muscles with jello. His organs float, suspended in the amorphous red food. Dwight decided not to mention anything about Jim’s full bladder.
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Sep 17, 2022 23:18
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Jim mistakenly believes the catchphrase for Trix cereal is "grab it from the rabbit!" And shouts "grab it from the rabbit!" Every time Dwight has a bowl of trix, grabbing handful after milky handful of cereal.
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Sep 18, 2022 01:25
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Jim invite Dwight over for board game night. Dwight, at first hesitant, accepts and hopes to turn over a new leaf. He enters the Halpert Estate and finds several golden rings, each about one foot in diameter and otherwise unadorned, scattered on the ground. Fearing that these tripping hazards may injure someone during the night, Dwight duly picks them up. He sees a few more in the hallway, and walks through it picking up golden rings. There are several more, and one on each stair leading up to the second story of the house. These are especially dangerous, and Dwight ascends the staircase, duly collecting the golden rings. As he nears the top, he looks up to see Jim, nude except for red tennis shoes. Jim crouches and folds himself into a ball, then begins "charging up" his speed by spinning rapidly in place. Finally, he "lets loose" and rolls with blistering acceleration down the stairs, striking and blasting through Dwight, who is sent tumbling and scattering the golden rings in every direction. Jim, now just a floppy smirking blur, runs with incredible speed out of the house and down the hill, where he suddenly is stopped dead in his tracks running into Charles Miner, who is wearing a dapper red suit and spiked brass knuckles. "Pretty fast, there, Jim." he says in an emotionless baritone voice, "Since you're so good at running down this hill..." Jim can't hear the rest as he turns around and immediacy curls into a ball. He tries to "charge up" but any attempt just looks like flailing from a fetal position as he screeches ceaselessly.
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Sep 18, 2022 01:56
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An independent research team determines that the Spotted Lanternfly first made its way to the United States inside “some kind of floppy, warm, nest-like structure”. Dwight is eating a bowl of beet flavored cereal for breakfast when he hears this and perks up. The story continues by saying that they’ve traced the first infestation in the United States back to 2013, and are interested in speaking with anyone who travelled from China to Pennsylvania in that year. Dwight thinks back and remembers… Jim offered to buy the entire office Chinese food for lunch. When Dwight asked which restaurant, Jim just grinned like a Jack o lantern. 17 days later, Jim returned from mainland China with a smuggled box of bao. Jim mugged for the camera. And hadn’t Jim complained about “itchy hair” right after that? Could Jim have been the source of the spotted lantern fly in the United States? Dwight looks outside, where a swarm of the invasive insects has settled near his beet field.
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Sep 18, 2022 12:56
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Jim secretly sends links of his onlyfans account to Dwight. After the 20th link, Dwight secretly logs in from home through a VPN. The account is called "4UDwight" and it is just Jim masturbating. As Dwight is about to close the browser in disgust, Jim says to the camera, "for you Dwight", and unleashes a massive rope of ejaculate that continues for half a minute. Dwight slams the laptop closed in shock, but throughout the weekend he can't stop thinking about the massive eruption he witnessed. Over the next few months Dwight keeps logging in to see the same display over and over. Sometimes Jim is naked, sometimes he's dressed as Dwight, sometimes he's slathering himself with beet juice, but it always ends with the same three words and that incredible cumshot. After a few more months of this, and heavy hinting from Jim that he would like Dwight to take part in person, Dwight agrees. Jim tells him that he has to go away for a week, but when he gets back they can do it. During Jim's week long hiatus Dwight obsessively rewatched the videos he has saved. Fantasizing about their eventual encounter. Longing to be on the other side of that explosion, taking all of it and not wasting a drop. Finally the day arrives. Dwight can't seem to accomplish anything at the office, as he's too preoccupied with what is going to happen that night. Jim sends him a text saying that Dwight should arrive 10 minutes before his regular streaming time and that a basement window will be ajar so Pam doesn't notice him entering. Dwight bolts to his car the minute the office closes and races to Jim's neighborhood. He parks on the opposite side of the block, knowing the next three hours of waiting will be hell. Finally it's time! Dwight races to Jim's house and sneaks around back to the open window and crawls through. Jim is waiting. There is a modest streaming studio set up. The sheet backdrop, some soft lighting, a web camera on a tripod, and the pullout sofa facing it. Dwight is nervous, but it's too late to turn back now. Without a word spoken, the two take their positions on the sofa, making sure the camera has a clear view of the action. Jim removes his pants and boxers and gently guides Dwight's head to begin his work. Dwight hesitates at first, but soon loses all inhibitions and move his head and hand in motion. Jim's eyes close, but soon they squeeze shut, his face now a grimace of pleasure. Jim's breathing increases in speed and intensity as Dwight continues his work. After another minute of this, Jim lifts Dwight's head a few inches above his member and grunts, "for you Dwight". Jim's erect penis shutters an inch below Dwight's awaiting mouth as he screams in ecstasy and collapses. Dwight stares down at the rapidly deflating member in confusion then at Jim. Jim looks at the confused Dwight and says, "That week I took off was for a prostatectomy. Doctor's said that it was causing some serious health issues and obvious side effects. Luckily your subscription fees to my stream (Jim giggles) were enough for me to finally afford it". Knowing that he has been forever robbed of his greatest desire, Dwight unleashes a primal scream that wakes Pam and causes the neighbors to call the police. Jim mugs for the web cam. (USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
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Sep 18, 2022 18:27
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President Jimmyopteryx sits at his desk. The Dinosaur civilisation is currently at its peak, his predecessor, President Dwightosaur's inspiring leadership has ushered in a post-scarecity society. His life's work achieved, President Dwightosaur has since retired from the political limelight, to farm beet-ferns on his ancestral farm in a small town called Chixchulub. Although he is a disconcertingly floppy and emaciated specimen, President Jimmyopteryx's pledge to "raise the steaks and soup up the cretaceous era" really strikes a chord with the electorate, catapulting him into power. President Jimmyopteryx activates the global defence AI, dials in a maximum-yield Kinetic Strike Package and sets the coordinates for the Yucatan Peninsula. 66 million years later a particularly floppy fossil is unearthed on the road into scranton, the resulting road closure adds 15 minutes to Dwight's daily commute. If the palaeontologist didn't know any better, he could swear the fossil was mugging him.
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Sep 18, 2022 19:30
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Maybe no weird overly descriptive sex pranks
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Sep 18, 2022 19:32
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Upgrade posted:Maybe no weird overly descriptive sex pranks I fail to see how my innocent dinosaur story constitutes a "weird overly descriptive sex prank". 
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Sep 18, 2022 19:36
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Jim exposes himself to the office, revealing a truly alien penis.
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Sep 18, 2022 22:23
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Lurking in dwight's beet field late at night, jim is abducted by a UFO. Greeting the pilot, jim ezposes himself to the alien, revealing a truly office penis
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Sep 18, 2022 23:27
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Lurking in dwight's beet field late at night, Jim is abducted by a UFO. Greeting the pilot, Jim exposes his Dunder Mifflin interior design plans to the alien, revealing a truly penis office.
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Sep 19, 2022 00:16
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Dwight walks into the office and notices immediately that the floor plan is now shaped like a crude penis.
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Sep 19, 2022 00:50
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Jim and Michael retreat into the conference room to “charge their crystals.” Dwight is jealous.
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Sep 19, 2022 00:58
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Jim places a Seedbed Curse on Dwight’s chair, preventing his soul from returning to the Erdtree and cursing it to wander Scranton forever, as well as poking him in the butt.
Gatto Grigio fucked around with this message at 02:42 on Sep 19, 2022 |
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Sep 19, 2022 02:38
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Jim tries to prank Dwight as a baby. He breaks into Dwight's house and pranks Dwight's parents, but when he tries to prank baby Dwight, Jim mysteriously explodes, leaving Dwight's huge forehead permanently scarred by a really big lightning bolt.
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Sep 19, 2022 02:43
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Jim breaks into the office at 1am Tuesday morning, buck rear end naked and helicopters his 7 inches of uncut meat at the old security camera for 6 uninterrupted hours. Dwight is compelled to watch every tantalizing second.
LaserPrinter69 fucked around with this message at 03:14 on Sep 19, 2022 |
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Sep 19, 2022 03:05
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Jim rests his elbows on Dwight's desk.
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Sep 19, 2022 03:40
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Jim rats Dwight out to Joseph McCarthy
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Sep 19, 2022 03:41
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Jim maths Rat Dwight to Mack Joetarthy
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Sep 19, 2022 03:49
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Jim is revealed to be a pile of dead rats in a coat.
FunkyAl fucked around with this message at 04:10 on Sep 19, 2022 |
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Sep 19, 2022 04:07
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Jim rats Dwight out to Melissa McCarthy.
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Sep 19, 2022 09:44
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"You know, Prank-a-tooie! Like Ratatouille!" Jim keeps screeching this, again and again, as animal control attempts to remove the rabid rats from his head. "Look, they pull my hair and make me move around! They're the ones making me prank everybody! It was the rats all along!" Jim is dragged off to get the mental health help he so desperately needs as the writhing mass of rabid rats squirms around like some sort of wicked, furry brain. Dwight watches the entire scene and wonders, for just a moment, if Jim is telling the truth.
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Sep 19, 2022 09:57
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There was a break in overnight at Dunder Mifflin but nothing appears out of place. Upon reviewing the security footage, Dwight observes a sickly naked man, almost a skeleton, gyrating lewdly in front of the security camera. The emasipated man occasionally says things like "oh yeah you like that" and "how you like the size of this hog." It's rather sad, Dwight thinks to himself, as he fast forwards through the remaining hours of footage. Despite the insane ramblings saying otherwise, this chitinous body was most certainly not well endowed. Once he reaches the end he stands up and shuts off the monitor. He had decided not to press charges, as he believes this pathetic naked man has suffered enough.
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Sep 19, 2022 11:52
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Jim shows up to work wearing a suit made of pizza. Jim follows Dwight around all day, screeching, "Eyy, Dwight! You wanna 'pizza' me? Eh? Ehhh?" It takes all of Dwight's self control not to punch Jim in the face.
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Sep 19, 2022 12:38
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Jim gets a huge length of rope and lassos the moon. "Yeeeeehawww!" he whoops as he rope ties taut around the heavenly body. Jim begins to pull, his sinewy muscles flexing with all their might. The moon begins to move closer to Earth. It's nearly invisible to the naked eye at first, but slowly the moon becomes larger and larger until even a casual observer would be aware. "Hey, does the moon look bigger to you?" asks Kevin. Jim continues pulling, grunting and straining with the effort, sweat rolling down his brow. The moon grows ever larger as the ocean begins to violently churn. "Where's Dwight? Guys? I think this is a situation where we need Dwight!" Michael screams as the surface of the Earth is rocked with tremors. Volcanos begin to erupt around the world and the sky fills with ash. All the while, the moon looms larger in the sky. Michael never noticed how much "the man in the moon" looked like Jim before today. "YIPPE KI YAY! Git along little doggies!" With a final burst of effort, Jim yanks his lasso and brings the moon so close to the Earth that it almost looks as if you could reach up and touch it. The craters of the moon are clearly visible with the naked eye, and Jim grins up and salutes the American flag that was planted there decades ago. As the Earth descends further in to chaos, everyone keeps asking where Dwight is. The tectonic plates begin to split, the continents are torn apart, oceans rise and fall and destroy entire cities in the blink of an eye. The sky fills with ash. The weather patterns around the world fall into disarray, killing plant and animal life around the world. Dwight, locked in the Dunder Mifflin bathroom, struggles with the door. Jim has wedged a chair under the handle and Dwight can't force it open. "Jeez, Dwight must be pretty PISSED off right now! Urine a lot of trouble, planet Earth!" Jim laughs and laughs as the Earth is slowly but inevitably destroyed.
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Sep 19, 2022 15:15
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It's game night at Dunder Mifflin and Jim brings in a Monopoly board. Jim mugs the camera as everyone groans. Dwight dejectedly tears up his theater tickets and throws them in the trash as he braces himself for four and a half hours of misery.
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Sep 19, 2022 15:37
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Jim puts a Jack in the Box on Dwight's desk. As Dwight stares at it, the music begins to play. All around the pizza oven The Jimmy chased the Dwight The Jimmy thought 'twas all in fun... POP! Goes the Dwight! With that' Dwight's head pops off his next, held down by a massive, coiled spring. BOING! BOING! Dwight's head bounces around. He's physically fine, he just has a massive metal spring for a neck. His head continues to bounce back and forth as Jim laughs. The next day, Dwight has strapped his massive spring-loaded neck down to prevent his head from bouncing around. "Jeez, balloon boy, I've heard a spring in your step, but a spring in your neck?" Jim mugs for the camera.
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Sep 19, 2022 15:44
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A new criminal is terrorising Scranton: "Spring-heeled Jim" a terrifying, scarecrow-like figure with floppy hair who mugs people while wearing moon boots. Dwight sighs and glances over at the Beetman costume hanging in his closet. Perhaps it's time for the Beet Knight to ride again...
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Sep 19, 2022 15:53
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Jim walks around talking like Jimmy Stewart all day, bragging about how’s he’s gonna “lasso the moon” for Pam. Pam has been dead for three years, having thrown herself from a bridge on Christmas Day.
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Sep 19, 2022 15:56
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| # ? May 31, 2024 01:29 |
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Jim discovers Dwight's twitter account and starts snitch tagging J K Rowling in every interaction. When Dwight mentions he's excited for the fall, Jim leaps upon this. "Hey, @JK_Rowling, thoughts on this?" Jim tweets. Dwight's phone begins buzzing wildly as he and Angela walk through a pumpkin patch. Wow, Dwight thinks, people must be really interested in my thoughts on the fall season! As Dwight opens his twitter account, Jim (who's buried himself in the ground with a hollowed out pumpkin over his head) mugs for the camera.
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Sep 19, 2022 16:10
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