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Jim tries to crash his Pontiac Aztek through the plate glass window where Dwight and Angela are sipping coffee together on an afternoon date, but can’t get the engine to turn over. Instead he just sticks his head out the drivers window and grins with a frozen stare directly at Dwight while holding the horn down for an hour.
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Sep 20, 2022 18:16
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| # ? May 31, 2024 00:00 |
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Sep 20, 2022 18:21
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Sep 20, 2022 18:22
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Jim challenges Dwight to a handcrafted coffin making contest. Dwight knows he can win this time. Several generations of his lineage rest in graceful peace between the beet fields. On the day of the contest, Dwight presents his ornate coffin that would be fit for a queen. Jim whips off the tarp to reveal his creation. It's just some shipping pallets from the warehouse nailed together. Dwight scoffs at the poor craftsmanship. Jim is crestfallen and appears genuinely sad. He asks, "will you at least try it before I admit defeat?" Dwight cannot resist the offer. The episode ends with Jim staring into the camera while a loader is filling a hole at the cemetery in the background.
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Sep 20, 2022 18:59
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Jim challenges Dwight to a handcrafted stage coach making contest. Dwight knows he can win this time. Several generations of his lineage rode majestically in graceful nobility between the beet fields. On the day of the contest, Dwight presents his ornate wagon that would be fit for a queen. Jim whips off the tarp to reveal his creation. It's just a Yugo 45. Dwight scoffs at the poor craftsmanship. Jim is crestfallen and appears genuinely sad. He asks, "will you at least try it before I admit defeat?" Dwight cannot resist the offer. The episode ends with Jim staring into the camera while a magnetic winch is dropping a Yugo into a car crusher in the background.
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Sep 20, 2022 19:16
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Jim challenges Dwight to a handcrafted stage coach making contest. Dwight knows he can win this time. Several generations of his lineage rode majestically in graceful nobility between the beet fields. On the day of the contest, Dwight presents his ornate wagon that would be fit for a queen. Jim whips off the tarp to reveal his creation. It's just a Reliant Robin. Dwight scoffs at the poor craftsmanship. Jim is crestfallen and appears genuinely sad. He asks, "will you at least try it before I admit defeat?" Dwight cannot resist the offer. The episode ends with Jim staring into the camera while a Reliant Robin fails to take a turn in the Scranton Overlook and tumbles down the cliff.
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Sep 20, 2022 20:10
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Jim begins using Dwight's name as a verb to denote when one fucks up and/or embarrasses themselves, e.g. "Man, Andy, you totally Dwighted that sales call!" This usage of Dwight's name begins to catch on around the office.
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Sep 20, 2022 22:11
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Jim challenges Dwight to a handcrafted stage coach making contest. Dwight knows he can win this time. Several generations of his lineage rode majestically in graceful nobility between the beet fields. On the day of the contest, Dwight presents his ornate wagon that would be fit for a queen. Jim whips off the tarp to reveal his creation. It's just a Ssang Yong Rodius. Upon seeing Jim's hideous new car Dwight projectile vomits until his stomach is completely empty, and conrinues to dry-heave for a full 20 minutes afterwards. A swarm of tiny Jims appears, they begin to gleefully lap up the vomit and bile left by Dwight. Jim mugs the camera.
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Sep 21, 2022 07:30
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Jim fires Dwight, despite not having the power to do so.
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Sep 21, 2022 07:33
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Jim gets way into "feeder" culture. When Dwight arrives at work he must brush aside several dozen hanging bird feeders that block the path to his desk. The entire office is filled with the deafening cacophony of hundreds of different birds and the air smells like a pet shop. A family of bluebirds has made a nest on Dwight's keyboard and Dwight doesn't have the heart to displace them, so must conduct all his business from his flip phone. Jim, covered in birdseed and South American Clown Parrots, mugs for the camera.
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Sep 21, 2022 12:25
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Jim builds a massive "Wicker Dwight" in the middle of Scranton Park, then lures foolish virgins into it for sacrifice. When Dwight tries to stop this, Jim argues that "it'll probably kill all the beets" if he does. While Dwight hesitates, Jim's followers toss Dwight into the Wicker Dwight. As it burns, Jim sings a medley of hymns.
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Sep 21, 2022 15:32
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A Fancy Hat posted:Jim builds a massive "Wicker Dwight" in the middle of Scranton Park, then lures foolish virgins into it for sacrifice. As Dwight burns alive, the skies begin to fill with angry storm clouds. The waves crashing into the Scranton Harbor grow larger and more violent. Animals begin fighting and attacking humans. Mt. Scranton erupts for the first time in 75 years. "Uhhhh, did I do that?" Jim says in his best Urkel voice. He's then struck by a massive bolt of lightning, which leaves a pile of charred bone shards behind. "Wait, was Dwight NOT a virgin?" asks one of Jim's hooded followers. "I don't think so. He's married right?" "Yeah but so is Jim and he's a virgin." "Nah, Jim's got kids! He can't be a virgin!" "I dunno," replies a solemn hooded figure, "those kids are kind of... odd. Like Jim but in a different way, you know, it leaves you feeling really empty inside." The Wicker Dwight has burnt down to a pile of smoldering wicker pieces as the sky opens up and begins raining blood down upon the Earth. Jim's disciples wander off, no longer being led by the self-professed Messiah of Pranks. One sole follower remains, clad in the Minion-yellow robe of a high-priest follower of Prankology. "Jeez, I've heard of raining cats and dogs, but raining blood?" Nobody hears this and the anonymous man sighs dejectedly as the blood rain dyes his robe dark red.
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Sep 21, 2022 18:15
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Dwight is enjoying the park when he steps on a trigger hidden in the brush. Dwight finds himself catapulted into the air and simultaneously de-pantsed by a pair of mechanical hands clad in opera gloves. The contraption deposits Dwight, bare-assed, in the branches of a nearby tree. Jim, who has been watching everything from a nearby park bench, guffaws and slaps his knee before snapping a photo of Dwight's predicament. "I've heard 'the moon is made of green cheese,' but 'Dwight's moon up in green trees??' now I've seen everything!" laughs Jim.
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Sep 21, 2022 19:14
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Jim coats himself in raw egg and rolls around in a huge tray of breadcrumbs, then sleeps in Dwight's bed.
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Sep 21, 2022 19:17
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Jim—nude except for a pair of tennis shoes—coats himself in raw egg and rolls around in a huge tray of breadcrumbs, then crashes Dwight's wedding.
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Sep 21, 2022 19:23
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Dwight and Jim are playing chess. Just as Dwight places his piece down to checkmate Jim, tiny restraints pop out of the chess piece Dwight is holding and lock around his thumb. Dwight tries to pull away but the chess piece is somehow fused to the board, which is itself fused to the table. Dwight struggles valiantly, but is unable to escape. Circular saws on articulated arms extend out from either side of the table and saw off Dwight's trapped thumb. While Dwight is rolling around on the ground clutching the bloody stumps where his thumb once was, a smirking Jim quips, "I've heard of 'you win some you lose some' but I guess in this game, you win some, you lose THUMBS!" When Andy points out Dwight only lost one thumb, not thumbs, plural, Jim pulls out a pistol and shoots Andy's pecker off.
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Sep 21, 2022 19:29
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Jim squirts shampoo in his own eyes on purpose to make it look like he got high so Dwight will falsely report Jim for drug use. Jim keeps doing this until Michael starts to automatically disregard all of Dwight's reports. The next day, Jim comes to work totally blazed off his rear end.
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Sep 21, 2022 19:31
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Jim casts a spell that transforms all his victims into bowls of cereal so he can make a "cereal killer" pun, but Jim trips over one of the bowls and falls down the basement stairs and drowns in a bowl at the bottom of the stairs before he can unveil the prank to Dwight.
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Sep 21, 2022 19:33
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In accordance with the law of inverse vehicle size to penis size proportionality, Jim shows up to work driving the City of London from the 2018 Universal Pictures movie Mortal Engines. The traction city's powerful grapplers capture and engulf Dunder Mifflin and Dwight is forced to work in London's engine room.
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Sep 21, 2022 19:41
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Jim—nude except for a pair of tennis shoes—coats himself in raw egg and rolls around in a huge tray of breadcrumbs, then flings himself into a frying pan for about 5 minutes before flipping and then resting on it for 5 more minutes. Afterwards he chucks himself into a baking tray, which he then again chucks himself into a hot oven for about 20 more minutes.
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Sep 21, 2022 19:49
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Jim—nude except for a pair of tennis shoes—coats himself in raw egg and rolls around in a huge tray of breadcrumbs, then jumps out in front of Dwight's car as Dwight is leaving the Dunder-Mifflin parking lot. Dwight is left with a Jim-shaped silhouette rendered in slimy breadcrumbs across the hood of his car. The slimy imprint of Jim's face on Dwight's windshield is visibly smirking.
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Sep 21, 2022 19:55
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Dwight is reading a webcomic which recasts Garfield the cat as an eldritch monstrosity which terrorizes Jon and Odie. Jim peers down over Dwight's shoulder. "Isn't that a little juvenile? Wow, that innocent thing is actually super hosed up? Pretty unoriginal, it feels like that kind of thing's been done to death at this point. I mean, that whole Mr. Boop webcomic, this Garfield stuff. That's not even getting into all of the Sonic stuff that's out there, or all the creepypastas that are just this basic idea." With that, Jim bursts into a cloud of locusts and flies out the window, heading directly to Dwight's beet field in order to devour every last beet.
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Sep 21, 2022 19:59
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Jim goes to Food Lion and fills a shopping cart with every single egg in the store. Then he gets a second shopping cart and buys every box of breadcrumbs he can find, which isn't very much. He asks customer service if they have more eggs and breadcrumbs in the back, and they say no and ask what he needs them for. Jim begins to explain "I'm going to crack all these eggs in the bathtub, and then I bought a kiddy pool to fill with the breadcrumbs. Once I'm fully naked I'll turn around in the eggs until im sopping wet, then I'll flop around in the breadcrumbs. Then, still naked and covered in egg and breadcrumbs, I'm going to get my keys and go outside, get into my Fiesta, and drive to a wedding, as a prank" The kid in customer service can't tell if he smoked too much weed before his shift and is hallucinating, or if this floppy hair sex freak is being for real.
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Sep 21, 2022 20:19
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Jim is mysteriously absent from his "fried chicken buffet" he had been hyping up all month.
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Sep 21, 2022 20:51
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Jim collects 3,000,000 Schrute Bucks from Dwight, Regional Manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton, for various meritorious deeds performed around the office, and redeems them for the prize of "Manager for a Day." Jim spends the day drastically amending the Dunder Mifflin bylaws, stripping Regional Managers of most of their powers and giving them to The Office's "Number Two," a position now inextricably linked to Jim, who also now can never be fired. As his final act, he writes into law that a Regional Manager may no longer amend any rule, written or unwritten. Jim walks in the next day and The Office bows. He smirks and sits back on his throne, anticipating a day of amusements from his court.
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Sep 21, 2022 22:40
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jim puts some scotch tape on dwights ethernet cable. dwight figures it out in about 10 minutes. thats it. not much more happens.
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Sep 21, 2022 22:59
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Jim plays Dwight like a fiddle!
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Sep 21, 2022 23:14
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Jim nails a manifesto to Dwight's computer monitor.
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Sep 22, 2022 02:38
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Dwight turns on his PC to discover that every single icon on his desktop is now a low-rez image of Jim's smirking face and every file has been renamed "Jim." Dwight scowls over at Jim and sees that Jim is making the exact same smirk as all the Jims on Dwight's desktop.
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Sep 22, 2022 02:40
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Jim plays Dwight like a fiddle. The Devil appears in the office, where he challenges Jim to a fiddle battle for his (Jim's) soul. Jim ends up signing over the souls of Cecilia and his other kid after they discover Jim had already sold his soul for a "kick rear end" Batman action figure back in 1992.
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Sep 22, 2022 02:43
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Jim wins the Powerball and buys all the land surrounding Dwight's farm. He then runs for city council and bribes all the other candidates to quit. He wins in a landslide. He then re-zones the plots from agriculture use to residential, and builds ten story apartment complexes completely surrounding the farm, and rents out the rooms exclusively to Scranton University fraternities and sororities. Dwight isn't sure if his beet harvest is dying because of not getting any sunlight, or because of the gross disrespect by drunk college kids doing donuts on ATVs through his land and urinating in his field.
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Sep 22, 2022 02:47
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Jim downloads "prank.exe" on limewire. The readme says it will eject the CD ROM drive at random intervals. Whatever a CD ROM drive is, Jim bets it will annoy Dwight when it ejects! When he runs prank.exe on Dwight's laptop, every pc in the office immediately locks and a splash screen says that to decrypt each pc a ransom of 1btc must be paid.
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Sep 22, 2022 02:50
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Jim wins the Powerball and buys all the land surrounding Dwight's farm. He then runs for city council and bribes all the other candidates to quit. He wins in a landslide. Jim then builds a wall of coal power plants around Dwight's farm and cuts off all road access.
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Sep 22, 2022 02:56
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Dwight receives a letter in the mail - he's been conscripted into the Russian army. He tosses the letter in the trash. He suspects Jim is behind the letter. Why would Russia write a letter in English? Why would they write it in crayon? That night three men break into Dwight's room while he reads. One holds a chemically sweet smelling rag over his face, the other places a dark sack over his head. The third man never steps out of the shadows. Only the ember of a lit cigarette is seen, and the faint outline of floppy hair.
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Sep 22, 2022 02:57
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Jim comes into the office exactly on time, greets everyone cordially, and sits down at his desk. He simply stares at Dwight in silence. He does not blink or move. After a few minutes, Dwight is tired of whatever nonsense this is and yells "WHAT?" at Jim. Jim does not reply or stop staring at him. Eventually Dwight becomes so frustrated at this he barges into Michael's office and demands that he makes Jim stop. Michael is annoyed at the interruption (he was playing solitaire on his computer) and says "fine, ok" and walks out to see what hijinks are going on. Everything is normal, Jim is on a sales call and typing. Michael is now further annoyed and just asks Dwight to please get back to work. As soon as the door closes, Jim places down the phone and resumes staring silently at Dwight. At exactly 5 pm, Jim gets up and begins gathering his things to go home. He does not break eye contact with Dwight, but as he leaves he finally speaks to him. "See you tomorrow." The Butcher fucked around with this message at 03:08 on Sep 22, 2022 |
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Sep 22, 2022 03:04
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Michael Scott stumbles into his home. He's been having those awful headaches again, and he can barely keep his eyes open. He looks around his messy apartment. Piles of papers are everywhere, old dishes pile up in the sink. He would clean them up if his head wasn't hurting him so bad. "Hello, michael." Thank God, there was Jim. His best friend Jim. He was always there for Michael, every night after work. "You look like you need a nightcap, buddy." It was true, he could, and nobody made them like Jim. Nobody. Michael takes the first amber sip and it is like taking a dip in cool water. "Ahhh.." "Now Michael, let's go over some things again." Michael sleepily nods yes. "Whatever they told you in business college is bunk. The people want funny. The people need a fool." Michael nodded. Yes, right, a fool. That's what he is all right. "The office needs you, we're like your family! You can give up on your dreams of being a Hollywood screenwriter, because you're the best paper salesman there is." Michael agrees but he's too tired to really think about it. He yawns and curls up on the floor for bed. Jim exits Michael's condo and locks the door with his key. He smirks, as he thinks how easily he will be able to get away with tomorrow's prank.
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Sep 22, 2022 03:12
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Dwight finds a copy of action comics #1 at an antique store for $10. Jim, visiting Dwight's house, throws away all of his comics, suggesting he should "grow up" and start watching movies with "adult themes." He gifts Dwight a disc containing Mars needs moms, but the disc is too scratched to play.
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Sep 22, 2022 03:22
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Dwight had already anonymously sent the owner of the antique shop a cashier's check for half the value of the Action Comics #1, as well. The owner of the antique shop? Jim in a mask.
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Sep 22, 2022 04:48
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Jim arrives at work on Monday morning and prostrates himself before Dwight. Jim whines that all this time, he thought he was pranking Dwight, but in reality, Dwight was fooling all of them. You see, Jim had planned a nefarious prank involving the world beet market, but that's just it: There is no world beet market. Seriously, how many of you have ever bought or eaten a beet outside the ones that Dwight brings in that get politely taken, then thrown in the trash? The truth is no one is actually buying the beets, it's just a scam by the Schrute family going back generations, using US government farming subsidies for their own selfish ends! In truth, the Schrutes are the secret masters of the world, running an elaborate scheme centuries in the making to turn us all into their willing puppets. The Schruthschilds, the Bilderbeets, th-- Dwight stands up and slowly claps, interrupting the presentation, and Jim for a moment looks confused. "Initiate Liquid Paper Protocols..." Dwight raises his voice. Jim notices Pam twitching slightly. "What's that, Dw---" "Jim." Dwight whispers. All at once, everyone in the office in earshot of Dwight pull out blades hidden at their desks and swarm Jim. While all of them will go to prison for the crime, most will be thankfully ignorant of the acts they performed against their will. The exception was Pam, who spent the rest of her life regretting her inability to remember the things she did to her husband while under Dwight's mind control.
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Sep 22, 2022 05:24
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| # ? May 31, 2024 00:00 |
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Jim reveals that every donation made to "the Jimmy Fund" actually goes to fund Jim's pranks. "I shaved all those kids' heads," reveals Jim in confessional. "And they don't even see a dime of it!" Jim takes up a rolled up $100 bill and uses it to light a fat cigar.
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Sep 22, 2022 13:44
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