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In a special one hour episode of the office, Jim is revealed to be an enchanted Wildebeest, propped up on hind legs, wearing clothes, and speaking english.
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Sep 26, 2022 03:48
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| # ? May 30, 2024 18:14 |
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Jim offers to teach Paper Sales 101 to the entire office when sales decline slightly due to inflation. Michael, who knows that Jim hasn't actually closed a sale in over twelve years, but also not wanting to appear unfair to Jim (due to Jim spending several months loudly complaining that Michael is being "very unfair to" him, and that "no regional manager in history has ever treated anyone so poorly", Michael is extremely sensitive to accusations of a pro-Dwight bias), Michael (wearing an "I'm with Jim" shirt) reluctantly agrees. Jim immediately sends around a mandatory booklist for the "class", which features three books, all of which appear to be printed exclusively by Dr. Halpert University Publishing House, a subsidiary of "El Sickos Taco Truck Enterprises, Ltd." The class textbooks are "Paper, a History", "How to Sell Good", and "Don't Call Me James!: A Life in Reflection" Each one costs over two hundred dollars, and arrive with extremely poor print quality, with misprinted pages falling out of their binding. Dwight almost immediately recognizes that "Paper, a History" is a plagiarized copy of his own comprehensive history of paper, from ancient papyrus to Chinese paper arts, to modern industrial fabrication. "How to Sell Good" appears to consist entirely of wikipedia articles, copied and pasted without correction or editing. "Don't Call Me James!" is Jim's self-aggrandizing autobiography. On the day of the first class, Jim tries to convince everyone to pay him $20 for a "meet and greet with the author" of "Don't Call Me James!", and offers to sign any copies people will bring him. When Dwight uses the opportunity to complain that Jim stole his book about the history of paper, Jim dials Elon Musk, his emergency DMCA contact on speed dial. Several figures dressed in all black rapel in through the windows to arrest Dwight for copyright violations against Jim's book. As Dwight is carried away in shackles, Jim picks up Dwight's copy of "Don't Call Me James!" that was scattered to the floor in the scuffle and signs it. He tucks it in Dwight's pocket. The entire back cover of the dust jacket is a photo of the author: Jim's smirking face.
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Sep 26, 2022 04:11
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Everyone spends ten minutes in the conference room waiting for Jim to figure out how to get the projector working for his first class of Paper Sales 101. Eventually, he abandons this and just asks for something to write with. Oscar points to the magic markers in a bin on the table, but Jim isn't talking about that. "The... thing. The... the... the thing you... you know, you write on. It's like, you can get big white, or like, small enough for your desks... They're, like, rectangles?" Stanley, without looking up from his crossword puzzle, says from the back, "Paper, Jim. The word you're searching for, is 'paper'." Jim nods, "Yes! That's it! Man, talk about a scatterbrain, eh?" Everyone groans.
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Sep 26, 2022 04:47
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Jim's got Dwight wrapped around his finger!
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Sep 26, 2022 05:51
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Jim replaces Dwight's microwave with a microstay: Instead of warming things up quickly, it freezes things quickly by slowing down their movement at a sub-atomic level. He also installs a dark bulb in all Dwight's lamps that spread darkness instead of light when activated. Dwight spends the next several months literally begging Jim to please explain the engineering designs to these wonderful pranks.
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Sep 26, 2022 06:09
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Jim brings a giant cartoon bomb into the office and lights the fuse while waggling his eyebrows. Dwight quickly defuses the situation (literally) but corporate hears about the event and decides that massive security measures need to be implemented. Now, every day before work, the employees of Dunder Mifflin are subject to a full-body scan, x-ray, and must pass all their belongings through a metal detector. "Don't forget that we should take our shoes off! Guys love hiding bombs in their shoes!" adds Jim. As Dwight takes his shoes off and gets scanned, he sees Jim sitting at his desk with his bare feet propped up. Jim waggles his toes and mugs for the camera.
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Sep 26, 2022 10:21
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several weeks later, jim finally somehow persuades michael that he, jim, should be in charge of giving dwight his full cavity search each morning
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Sep 26, 2022 10:26
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Jim asks everyone to start calling him "Jim-Jim", saying that he's more comfortable with that name. Dwight, always kind, easily obliges and is the first person to adopt Jim's new name. While on a sales call, Dwight continually refers to Jim as "Jim-Jim", then excuses himself after a few minutes to go use the restroom. As soon as he walks away, Jim addresses everyone on the call. "Yeah, I'm sorry, Dwight just does stuff like that sometimes. Baby-talk, I guess you'd call it. It's kind of, well, a fetish for him I guess? Oh! I guess this explains him wearing the diaper around everywhere, too. But listen, please DO NOT make a big deal about my coworker's adult baby fetish, okay? Just let him live his life however he wants, no matter how strange and perverse we may find it." Dwight returns from the restroom and thanks "Jim-Jim" for covering for him. Jim mugs for the camera.
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Sep 26, 2022 10:51
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lol goddammit, Jim
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Sep 26, 2022 12:41
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beginning to think this jim fellow is bad news
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Sep 26, 2022 12:46
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Jim racks up massive gambling debts in Atlantic City. As he heads to the cashier, he slides them a credit card and asks them to put "everything" on it. The cashier asks him to present ID. "Of course, ma'am! Here is my identification, proving that I am, in fact, Dwight K. Shrute, world-famous author of 'Paper, a History'!" Jim holds up a driver's license: an excellent forgery in the name of Dwight Shrute to match his stolen credit card. The cashier holds the ID right up next to Jim's face; the picture is Jim mugging the camera, making a smirking face identically matching the face that Jim is making in real life right next to it.
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Sep 26, 2022 13:48
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Jim shows up to work dressed in full diving gear, with a wetsuit, goggles, flippers, and even an oxygen tank. Hanging around his emaciated waist is a diver's belt complete with a knife, flashlight, and various other gear needed to explore the depths of the ocean. Jim flops over to his desk and waves at Dwight, using sign language to speak. HELLO HELIUM BOY Dwight figures Jim is still getting the hang of sign language, but understands the intent. Dwight goes about his day normally as Jim keeps his scuba outfit on the entire day, acting as if he's underwater and the oxygen tank was his only lifeline. As 5 pm approaches, Dwight hears a strange noise outside. He looks out and sees a massive tidal wave coming down the street, headed right for the building. He looks over at Jim, who waves at him. Dwight is knocked unconscious by the force of the wave destroying the Dunder Mifflin building and sending everything asunder. When he wakes up, he sees Jim doggy paddling next to him. Jim removes the oxygen mask to speak. "Dwight! You wouldn't BELIEVE how much I wanted to spill the beans about that one! But, you know, the look on your face was worth waddling around all day like an idiot!" Jim doggy paddles away extremely awkwardly and Dwight realizes that Jim will never, ever, ever face any consequences for any of his pranks. He calls out him, asking for a hand. "You want a hand? How about a foot!" Jim extends a flipper towards Dwight. "Just kidding! I'll get you back to land, even your fat rear end won't be TOO heavy in the water." As Jim swims back, Dwight bursts forward with incredible speed and wraps his hands around Jim's throat. He begins to push Jim's head under the water as Jim thrashes weakly at him. Dwight knows he can hold his breath longer than Jim, and the two men begin to sink towards the bottom of the ocean as Dwight squeezes harder and harder. Jim's thrashing gets weaker and weaker. Dwight is able to easily remove the oxygen tank from Jim and use it himself, making sure that Jim doesn't start moving. As Jim sinks into the inky abyss that is now Scranton, Pennsylvania, Dwight watches with a cold expression. No great loss, he thinks. Suddenly, Dwight wakes up screaming in his bed, coated in sweat. He can't believe the nightmare he just had, where he killed Jim. He crawls out of bed, ensuring Angela that everything's okay. Dwight hops into the shower and begins to rinse off the sweat that is coating every inch of his body. He glances out of the frosted glass of the shower and sees a form standing in front of his bathroom sink. Dwight quickly opens the shower and sees Jim, dressed in a wetsuit, standing there. His face is unmasked and his cloudy eyeballs loll stupidly in their sockets. His skin is practically white and water drips from every inch of his body. "Jeez, talk about a wet dream!" comes the gurgling voice of Jim.
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Sep 26, 2022 14:19
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Jim opens up Dwight's lunch bag and replaces his chicken salad with ham salad. "Oh my, won't this be a raucous prank! Dwight expected to feast upon fowl, but will instead be devouring swine for lunch!" Jim mugs for the camera.
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Sep 26, 2022 14:29
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dwight glumly rinses the front of his shirt in the office kitchen sink. jim, muggingly, loads another handful of baked beans into the catapult he has constructed out of office supplies
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Sep 26, 2022 14:39
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Under the light of a full moon, Jim magically grows a nasty little goatee.
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Sep 26, 2022 14:52
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"Calling the spirit world! Calling the spirit world!" intones Jim's voice, apparently coming from a crystal ball located on his desk. The ball begins to float in the air and glow with an eerie green light. Jim's mugging face appears within the ball, cloudy and ethereal. "Serpents and spiders, tail of a rat; call in the spirits, wherever they're at. Rap on a table; it's time to respond. Send us a message from somewhere beyond. Goblins and ghoulies from last H- Hey! Wait a minute, where's Dwight? Where's anybody?" Jim's disembodied head floats around the office inside its crystal ball for a few moments before floating in front of a calendar. "Oh. It's Saturday. Jeez. Well, I'll get him on Monday I guess." The ball floats back to Jim's desk, lands softly, and goes dormant.
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Sep 26, 2022 15:04
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Jim steals the sparkle from Dwight's eyes and adds it to his goulish collection.
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Sep 26, 2022 15:28
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Jim steals Dwight's dinner and adds it to his goulash collection
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Sep 26, 2022 15:35
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Jim turns all of Dwight's body hair into strawberry jello. He then steals Dwight's eyelashes and adds them to his goo lash collection.
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Sep 26, 2022 16:04
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Jim steals Dwight’s aquarium and adds it to his goldfish collection.
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Sep 26, 2022 16:08
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Dwight can't stop raving about his trip to the movies this past weekend. Despite the fact that Jim, per a previous prank, spoils every new release. "Oh yeah, I saw Pearl, too," adds Oscar, "that was really good! Mia Goth should be nominated for an Oscar, but you know how The Academy treats horror movies." Dwight nods in agreement and Jim peers over the top of his computer screen. "Uh, I saw that movie. What's so special about it? Some girl gets everything she wanted, BORING!" Dwight and Oscar spend 15 minutes explaining the finer details of the movie to Jim, who stares at them like an ape being taught calculus. At the end of their explanation, he sneezes. "Okay, so this so-called 'subtext' you mention. I saw it - when the German lady was speaking. But it didn't explain ANYTHING you're talking about. Seems like you guys walked into the wrong movie!" Jim laughs and goes about his day as Oscar and Dwight continue to discuss the film and how much they've enjoyed the majority of Ti West's work. Jim silently fumes over the entire conversation, then heads home at 2:11 pm. As he steps into his house, he pulls out his cell phone. He clears his throat a few times, preparing to speak. The phone rings and Jim introduces himself. "Hey, this is John Krasinski, form The Office. Oh, and A Quiet Place. And Some Good News. You've probably heard of me. Actually, I'm sure you have, because I'm one of the biggest names in Hollywood right now. Listen, I just saw your new movie and it's FANTASTIC! Really great stuff. So I'd like to talk to you about MY new movie: A Quiet Place Origins: The Secrets of the White Board. I don't want to spoil much but it has a TON of subtext and stuff, you know, cuz of the deaf kid. And we find out how I got the whiteboard and started writing stuff down on it. So give me a call when you can, Mr. West, I really appreciate it!" Jim hangs up and begins to cackle. This will teach Dwight to enjoy a movie, let alone the entire filmography of a director. Jim mugs for the camera.
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Sep 26, 2022 16:16
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Jim modifies the Hebrew word of power written on Dwight’s forehead and adds him, Dwight, to his golem collection
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Sep 26, 2022 16:17
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Jim asks everyone in the office to be photographed for a "Hunks of Dunder Mifflin" calendar for charity. Dwight and Creed are the only volunteers, but Jim says that's "good enough", turning Dwight into Mr. June, July, September, October, February, and April. As Dwight finishes the April photoshoot (he's shirtless and using an umbrella to protect some baby ducks from the rain) he asks Jim when the calendar will be printed. "Oh, pretty soon. You know how those supply chain issues are." 6 months later there is no sign of the calendar and a concerned Dwight asks Jim when it's coming. "Oh, you know, supply chain. Joe Biden. Blah blah blah. If this was 2020 we'd have that thing already in our hands, you never had problems like this in 2020, that's for sure." Dwight ignores this. 2 months after this, Dwight asks where the calendars are and if there's even a plan to sell them for charity, at which point Jim laughs. "Nah, changed my mind. gently caress charity and gently caress you, too. That's my new motto. As for the photos? I'll probably leak them on the internet later, who knows? With Jim, you can never tell!" Jim mugs for the camera.
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Sep 26, 2022 16:26
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Jim creates a new element called Pranktonium. The element has no useful properties at all and is highly radioactive and corrosive. It also, somehow, makes other elements much worse. Gold that comes into contact with Pranktonium loses most of its malleability and conductivity. Diamonds become brittle and Jim's mugging face appears in every facet. Lead smells like the worst pizza in all of Scranton, possibly all of Pennsylvania. "I don't know why everybody thinks chemistry is so hard," quips Jim. "I just invented this by mixing some crap together in some tubes. Now I have my own element!" Jim mugs for the camera, unaware that massive amount of Pranktonium he's been touching (and eating) has begun destroying his body at a molecular level. As he mugs, his eyeball twitches involuntarily.
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Sep 26, 2022 16:48
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Jim gets a really good idea for a prank but needs immediate funding. He sells his house to a "we buy ALL houses in any condition" company for a small fraction of it's market value. He donates the proceeds to a mom and pop business that farms shrimp, with the condition that the grain silo be renamed "the Dwight Schrute big booty stupid silo" and painted with a hot wheels fire decal pattern. The small business owner is extremely confused by the terms, but agrees and accepts the check for $7,000. The silo becomes a small cultural phenomenon. A puzzled Dwight asks Jim what he was thinking. "Shut up!" shouts Jim. "I'm poo poo posting because I'm bored at work." This leaves Dwight even more puzzled than before because he's never bored at work, and has no idea what poo poo posting is.
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Sep 26, 2022 18:08
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Jim photoshops his head onto Dwight's body (using photos obtained from the Hunks of Dunder Mifflin calendar prank) and then creates a fake dating profile. Despite having Dwight's lean yet powerful body prominently displayed in the photos, Jim gets no interest at all. He then shows the profile to Dwight. "See, Balloon Boy? Nobody loves you! Nobody even wants to have sex with you! Or go on a date!" Dwight (correctly) notes that the issues most likely stem from Jim's profile, which list "pranking" and "sowing chaos mwahahaha" as his top interests. Dwight offers to help proofread Jim's profile "since he's getting back into the dating world after so long". "The gently caress you talking about? I'm married to Pam, ya big loser. You know, the receptionist who was engaged to Roy? That dweeb I beat the crap out of? Any of this ringing a bell, fatso?" Dwight sighs and looks forlorn. He explains everything to Jim. Pam hasn't been a receptionist in years; she became a saleswoman before eventually leaving Dunder Mifflin after Jim's ill-fated "Ath-lead" idea caused massive financial and romantic strain between the two. She eventually divorced Jim, Ath-lead (later renamed Ath-leap and then renamed Ath-lead again) fell apart, and Jim returned to Dunder Mifflin, where he's been for the last 8 months. "Oh. Yeah, I remember now. Guess I was living in a bit of fantasy world, huh? But who could blame me, really?" Dwight pats Jim on the shoulder and says that things are going to turn around for him soon, then gets back to work. At home in his silverfish-infested studio apartment, Jim stares at his TV. It's not even turned on. "Maybe I should start that pizza place I always dreamed about? Famous Original Jim's. The world always needs more pizza places! I just can't keep being a paper salesman. Jesus, it's so boring there. I'd love to just walk out whenever I felt like it and go on crazy adventures and poo poo, travel the world and all of that stuff I was supposed to do. Maybe get a pet monkey, something impulsive like that." Jim takes a long sip of the stale beer in his glass, his mind a million miles away. Most people would call this a mid-life crisis, but Jim refuses to acknowledge his age. To him, he's still a 20-something paper salesman with a thick head of hair that everyone loves. "Yeah. And I could just prank Dwight all day, you know, like it used to be. Christ, I didn't know how good I had it. Ath-lead? What the gently caress was that all about? Why did I throw it all away?" Jim sobs alone in his apartment. There is no camera, as production of The Office: An American Workplace, has ended.
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Sep 26, 2022 19:01
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Jim helps Dwight carry his cross but then drops it with a “Whoopsie”. He mugs the apostles as Dwight is crucified.
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Sep 26, 2022 23:04
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I have to say something things that have been overwhelming me from the previous week. I need these things set straight so that we can begin to find some semblance of peace from here on out. First of all, I want to thank this community for it's incredible generosity since his passing. The gift you have given to his children is something I'll never have enough or the right amount of words to thank you all for in it's entirety. I wish I was better with words. Jim was not all bad. No one is. We are all multi-dimensional beings and viewing someone in black or white thinking forgets that most peoples pain or the damage they caused is because they themselves were dealing with trauma or family modeling which led them to act out in the ways they did. There was good in Jim. There was love and there was kindness. There were times when he was an exceptional father. I have spent hours the last week sobbing over the fact that these memories exist and no one will know them except those closest to him who now get to see nothing remembered of him except the negative. I will do my best to help our daughter remember the laughter and the good times. I am not perfect, I have never been so and I find many, many regrets surfacing remembering our time together. I take responsibility for bringing what I did to light and I deeply regret being vocal at the times I was. Jim tried to quit pranking. I need people to know he tried. Before our daughter was born he attempted to attend prank rehab but ultimately was not successful. His demons and his traumas ran deep and I know that for many years even before I met him that he had been suffering and doing his best to outrun them. He was troubled by childhood trauma and by the addictions and abusive behavior that formed along the way. Jim was not a monster. He was a deeply flawed man who felt that his creativity had dried up at some point and the pain he suffered from that haunted him. He wanted to do more, contribute more, write more, but he felt lost. He felt overwhelmed and eventually he started to suffer physical pain. I want to mention that I do believe he was in physical pain when I knew him, after about 2013. I have often wondered if this was a result of the “Balloon Boy Incident” and then was further made worse from when he fell down a flight of stairs while chasing Dwight. As he fell he turned, trying to shield Chips the monkey from his body weight. He slammed the back his head and neck against the wall and was unable to move for 15 minutes, but he refused when I told him I was calling an ambulance. The photos of him making “Tiny Jims” are the only thing that was staged about the first prank and I am sorry if I worded that in a way that was unclear. As far as I know he had another treatment to help manage the pranking but that was unsuccessful too. As far as I know as of now, there is no will nor is there any estate. There were numerous IRS debts, credit card debts and I believe there is no property except receipts from Spencer’s Gifts. I don't know why I'm writing this other than that I need it out there so that people know he was human. He was not an evil villain. Relationships are complex, even ones where there are abusive behavior. There is still so much love in my heart for the man I fell in love with. The man who was funny and kind and creative and who at one point I saw myself with forever. I keep remembering him on moment Chips was born, sobbing while he held her. He was so proud. He loved his Tiny Jims, even if sometimes he messed up, he loved them. I speak for all past partners when I say we tried to help him. We tried. Over and over. All we wanted for him was for him to get better for his children. I don't think I recognized much of who he was after I left in late 2022, but I don't think he turned into a heartless cosmic space god either. I believe he was in a tremendous amount of emotional pain from coming to terms with the decisions in his life that led him to that point. This is all devastating and we are mourning deeply and painfully and it is only right that something positive to be put out there right now for him. If you or anyone you know is suffering with mental illness, trauma, suicidal ideation or addiction to pranking, please reach out. Please use them. I'll be logging off for some time now, the things I've said in the past have only lead to adding to a negative picture of him and for that I am deeply sorry. I appreciate the space to say my piece and thank you again for all you've done for his children. - Pamela Beasley-Halpert-Schrute
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Sep 26, 2022 23:39
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Jim commissions neo-nazi cartoonist Ben Garrison to draw a political cartoon vilifying Dwight. Dwight is depicted with a huge balloon head and a label declaring him a "balloon boy" floating up into the sky while everyone else in the office (labeled "el sickos") wallows in a toilet bowl full of feces. Jim, depicted as a muscular superman with floppy hair, smirks as he stands poised to hurl a dart at Dwight's head and presumably send Dwight hurling down into the toilet below. "Not so high and mighty for long!" quips cartoon Jim. Jim has a cubicle installed around his desk so that he can pin the Garrison cartoon to the wall.
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Sep 27, 2022 01:34
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Dwight leaves Dunder Mifflin after deciding it's time to focus 100% on his philanthropic efforts. Although everyone expects Jim to flip out about this, he seems subdued and even a little happy for Dwight. The two shake hands and part as friends. A few weeks later, Dwight is struggling to keep his schedule going as he jets from one charity meeting to another. He finds it challenging to keep up with all his demands and has a moment where he wonders if he made the right move leaving Dunder Mifflin. Dwight decides to look at Dunder Mifflin's website for old times' sake, only to discover a new part has been added entitled "Dwight's House". Curious, Dwight clicks on the link, only to discover that someone has been keeping a journal of events in-character as if Dwight never left Dunder Mifflin. Flattered, Dwight reads the journal entries and is amazed at how well the writer must know him. "SEPTEMBER 26 - Jim sure pranked me today! I found a stuffed scarecrow in the parking lot and thought it was Jim in disguise. But it turns out it was just a scarecrow, and Jim was hiding under my car. That guy is nuts! But I'm happy to work here, there's no other place I'd rather be." Dwight laughs and feels a pang of nostalgia for his old life. A few days later, Dwight is at his soup kitchen when he notices someone standing in the back of the room wearing a mustard yellow shirt. Dwight does a double take, only to find the figure is now gone. Realizing he's been running low on sleep lately, Dwight chalks this up to his stress level and decides to take it easy the next day. While Dwight is relaxing at home, he decides to check out the Dunder Mifflin site again and finds himself visiting Dwight's House again. "SEPTEMBER 20 - It was so busy at the soup kitchen tonight! I'm so tired and stressed out, I was literally seeing things that weren't there! I'm starting to realize that I HATE doing things like this, I wish I could just focus on selling paper all the time. And, of course, hanging out with my friends at Dunder Mifflin. Jim and Pam are so cool and I must admit I get extremely jealous at times. They have their lives together perfectly, unlike me. I can be such a weird nerd at times, no wonder Jim likes pranking me so much! Oh well, at least I'm the Assistant Regional Manager! I know Michael says that's not the real title, but who cares!" Dwight recoils in horror as he finishes this entry, which was posted that day. He quickly draws all the curtains in his house and curls up in bed, terrified that someone is watching him. Dwight eventually falls asleep but it's an uneasy and fitful night, and he wakes up feeling as if he's tumbled down a staircase. Deciding that he needs to change up his surroundings a bit to clear his mind, Dwight drives to Pittsburgh to help open a new homeless shelter. As he begins walking to his destination, he sees a flash of mustard yellow in a window. Dwight freezes and turns, only to see himself staring back. Dwight, dressed in his usual office attire, smiles back at Dwight, wearing a black turtleneck and jeans. The mustard yellow clad figure rushes away and Dwight pursues him, terrified of what's going on. A dramatic chase across Pittsburgh ensues, with Dwight eventually losing the figure in a crowd. Dwight falls to his knees crying, realizing that his entire encounter sounds completely insane. A doppelganger of his old life? A website that's pretending to be him? And all of this while Dwight is lamenting the stresses and challenges of his new life? No, he thinks, nobody would believe this. Despite all of this, Dwight's opening of the homeless shelter goes well and he finally feels some of the insanity of the last few days start to fade away. Perhaps it was all stress after all. As Dwight heads to his hotel for the night, he again sees his old persona smiling at him from a mirror. Dwight stares in abject horror as the figure steps out of the mirror and begins slowing walking toward Dwight. Dwight, clad in a mustard yellow shirt, lifts a stapler over his head and prepares to bash in the skull of Dwight. "Finally, I'll be rid of you, impostor!" Dwight recognizes the voice and rolls out of the way at the last moment, infuriating the doppelganger. Realizing just how dangerous this situation is, Dwight fires a rapid fire kick at the side of the figure's head. The man crashes into what Dwight mistakenly believed to be a mirror, revealing it to just be a glass doorway. "Ughhhhh. Impostor! Why are you trying to steal my life? Why can't you just let me sell paper and get pranked by Jim?" The doppelganger, bleeding and with multiple shards of glass embedded in his body, lurches at Dwight again. Dwight can see it now. This isn't him, it's not him at all. Jim, clad in the same Dwight disguise he wore years ago, dives at Dwight again. "I'm Dwight! I'm Dwight! I'm Dwight! Why won't you just let me be Dwight?!?!?" Jim screams again and again as he reaches for Dwight's throat in a feeble attempt to choke him out. Dwight kicks at Jim's stomach and knocks the wind out him, causing him to collapse in a heap. Months later, Dwight shows up to the Raven's Beak Mental Hospital to check in on Jim. A friendly doctor approaches. "He's getting a little bit better, I think. He's 'Dwight' most of the time, but sometimes Jim comes back to the surface. He's docile, at least, so that's a huge improvement. Can I ask why you keep coming here? He tried to kill you, he tried to take over your life. I can't imagine I'd be as forgiving as you are." Dwight simply says that he knows exactly who he is now, and he hopes that one day Jim can figure that out, too. As Dwight steps into his car he glances at his watch. Plenty of time to make his meeting with the solar panel company. With any luck, Scranton will be 100% carbon neutral in 5 years. Dwight smiles and looks up in the sky, which is a perfect blue.
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Sep 27, 2022 11:13
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Jim starts a numbers station where he just reads out Dwight's social security number again and again and again. When Pam mentions that Jim could just loop a 30 second audio clip instead of constantly reading out this information, Jim gets angry and says that "wouldn't be in the spirit of this prank". Jim mugs for the camera as he heads into his 132nd straight hour of broadcasting.
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Sep 27, 2022 11:28
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jim eats a peach for hours
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Sep 27, 2022 11:40
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jim secretly reposts pranks from earlier pages of the thread that others had originally posted, claiming the credit for himself. he intersperses them with original content to make it harder for this to be detected.
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Sep 27, 2022 11:41
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Jim pays every ice cream truck in Scranton to drive around Schrute Farm all night long, playing their merry jingles. "This'll drive Balloon Boy nuts! All that twinkling music, all night long? He's gonna FREAK!" At work the next day, Jim smiles and asks Dwight how he slept. Dwight explains that he actually had a great night, he met a bunch of really nice ice cream salespeople and set up Scranton's first Ice Cream Sellers' Union. "Wait, you did what?" Jim chokes out before the tinkling bells of a hundred ice cream trucks begin to chime in the distance. Jim's phone begins to buzz as the now unionized and empowered workers demand fair compensation for their labor. Dwight smiles contentedly for the camera.
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Sep 27, 2022 11:55
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jim secretly reposts pranks from earlier pages of the thread that others had originally posted, claiming the credit for himself. he intersperses them with original content to make it harder for this to be detected then he replaces dwights blood with antifreeze.
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Sep 27, 2022 12:50
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Jim eats peaches for hours, loudly smacking his lips and letting the juice dribble down his chin. He spits the pits onto the floor. The sound of Jim's slurping and smacking lips is so disgusting that Meredith develops crippling nausea and must be taken to the hospital. By the end of the day, Jim is soaked head to toe in peach syrup. Just as Dwight is getting up to clock out for the day, Jim stands up and opens his arms. "Great work today, buddy. Bring it in!" Before Dwight can react, Jim envelopes Dwight in a sticky hug, mugging at the camera over Dwight's shoulder.
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Sep 27, 2022 12:56
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jim secretly reposts pranks from earlier pages of the thread that others had originally posted, claiming the credit for himself, while slightly remixing the text so he can get away with it. he intersperses them with original content to make it harder for this to be detected then he replaces dwights blood with antifreeze before stuffing him into a walk-in freezer in Famous Original Jim's.
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Sep 27, 2022 13:22
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Jim replaces all Dwight's beets with peaches.
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Sep 27, 2022 13:38
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in the middle of delivering a lovely one-liner to dwight about something or another, jim stutters. the office erupts in laughter at jim's misfortune as he stumbles over his, jim's, words. flustered, jim demands that everyone stop laughing or he, jim, will "crack their gently caress open". the nonsensical and desperate insult causes everyone to laugh even harder. as a red-face jim stamps the ground and insists that he'll "cock their poo poo in", the office staff approach hysterics. furious and near meltdown, jim storms out. it takes a while for everyone else to calm down.
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Sep 27, 2022 13:42
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| # ? May 30, 2024 18:14 |
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Jim escapes into the real world.
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Sep 27, 2022 13:43
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