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The Best Thing for the Outside of a Man
The inside of a horse
The insides of a horse (more testicles)
The outside of a horse
Wings
Denver Broncos footbawl
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Grip it and rip it
Apr 28, 2020
6-6 baby hold onto your pants!!

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Paracausal
Sep 5, 2011

Oh yeah, baby. Frame your suffering as a masterpiece. Only one problem - no one's watching. It's boring, buddy, boring as death.
lmfao that was less an arm punt and more an arm flop

Vincent Van Goatse
Nov 8, 2006

Enjoy every sandwich.

Smellrose
Please no more points.

Elephanthead
Sep 11, 2008


Toilet Rascal
Tie tie tie

rjmccall
Sep 7, 2007

no worries friend
Fun Shoe
I love a good defensive showdown but I think just maybe this is not that

Quiet Feet
Dec 14, 2009

THE HELL IS WITH THIS ASS!?





"Forced to throw off his back foot" my rear end. Ryan was falling back like he thought there was a La-Z-Boy behind him.

WalletBeef
Jun 11, 2005

6 to 6, punch my dick

Kull the Conqueror
Apr 8, 2006

Take me to the green valley,
lay the sod o'er me,
I'm a young cowboy,
I know I've done wrong
Hope this is the final score

Codependent Poster
Oct 20, 2003

If either team scores a touchdown the seventh seal will be opened

kazil
Jul 24, 2005

Derpmph trial star reporter!

gonna be really fun watching all these cooked QBs dying in week 18

Probably Magic
Oct 9, 2012

Looking cute, feeling cute.

Bellmaker posted:

this game is tied :sickos:

it's happening

Barudak
May 7, 2007

rjmccall posted:

Might think he has an outside shot at the HoF? Also more money is always good.

Even Herschel Walker wouldn't be dumb enough to think Matt Ryan could make the HoF

Ragnarok the Red
Jun 21, 2002

SirPablo posted:

Why is Matt Ryan still in the NFL? Who does he owe money to and how much?

He was still legit good two years ago. Sometimes dudes just hit that wall so suddenly it takes time for the league to collectively adjust to it and not just think he had an off year.

SirPablo
May 1, 2004

Pillbug

Vincent Van Goatse posted:

Please no more points.

This sick gently caress wants OT

Barudak
May 7, 2007

kazil posted:

gonna be really fun watching all these cooked QBs dying in week 18

In 2025

Cavauro
Jan 9, 2008

thinking about eating more spaghety. but that's how it gets me. i won't do it

Rod Hoofhearted
Jun 18, 2000

I am a ghost




So… was Carson Wentz better than Matt Ryan? :lol:

kazil
Jul 24, 2005

Derpmph trial star reporter!

I'm gonna say what we're all thinking:

If you buy KFC for yourself and not for your abuelita you are a piece of poo poo

Grip it and rip it
Apr 28, 2020
What do they do if there is a monkeypox/covid outbreak on a cruise nowadays? Just sink the boat?

Barudak
May 7, 2007

The london games are at 1030 on Saturday night, the modt garbage rear end time for Japan.

fsif
Jul 18, 2003


Still losing it. The Broncos could be stuck with Wilson for three entire seasons and then STILL have to eat a $31 million dead cap hit.

Woodchip
Mar 28, 2010
https://youtu.be/u_nPp64OrBc

Woodchip
Mar 28, 2010
Oh god Chi-Was next week is not an improvement

WalletBeef
Jun 11, 2005

Commanders Bears? Why yes I am depressed thank you for asking !

Grip it and rip it
Apr 28, 2020
Walton-Penner family group clapping for themselves gently caress you ghouls

Barudak
May 7, 2007

Relegate the Broncos to Canada

Quiet Feet
Dec 14, 2009

THE HELL IS WITH THIS ASS!?





kazil posted:

I'm gonna say what we're all thinking:

If you buy KFC for yourself and not for your abuelita you are a piece of poo poo

Bad enough you do it to yourself but why you gonna punish abuelita like that?

Grittybeard
Mar 29, 2010

Bad, very bad!
This game inspired me to go out and buy liquor and I missed however it happened, but how dare the Colts make this a tie game while I wasn't paying attention?

Black Lighter
Sep 6, 2010

Just keep looking at what we're doing, keep watering and ask yourselves first and know 'Are you watering? And are you fertilizing every day?' So when it's time to pop, it'll pop.

Grip it and rip it posted:

What do they do if there is a monkeypox/covid outbreak on a cruise nowadays? Just sink the boat?

Nothing

Shimrra Jamaane
Aug 10, 2007

Obscure to all except those well-versed in Yuuzhan Vong lore.

Grip it and rip it posted:

What do they do if there is a monkeypox/covid outbreak on a cruise nowadays? Just sink the boat?

That’s just a normal cruise considering how bad norovius can get on one.

Crescent Wrench
Sep 30, 2005

The truth is usually just an excuse for a lack of imagination.
Grimey Drawer

Fate Accomplice posted:

does anyone have a link to the Matt Ryan fanfic + picture?

I want to share it with a goon who has yet to experience its majesty.

Crescent Wrench posted:

EDIT: Picture helpfully provided by SKULL.GIF.



I know this is a couple pages old, but drat Matt Ryan looks like a pretty successful businessman who is rapidly closing in on 40. He competes in triathlons in his spare time and he has come to the realization that he never really loved his wife. He goes on long runs early on Saturday mornings, and the last several weeks he's been arriving at the river trail a few minutes later than normal so that he spends part of his run staring at the rear end of the 20-something grad-student who he has started to chat up. Maybe this weekend he'll invite her to get some coffee after their run. He's fantasizes about the impending divorce. He doesn't hate his wife; he plans on making sure that she is comfortable and well taken care of, and he'd prefer to not have a contentious split since he knows that would be harder on his daughter. He tells himself that he wants to make sure he is still a part of his daughter's life, but he hasn't really ever been that involved with her and deep down he knows their relationship will devolve into the odd phone call and birthday card. If he could pinpoint where it all started to go wrong it would probably be after his wife had her third miscarriage. He had always wanted a big family, but at that point it was just too much for her and they stopped trying. He thinks that if they had more kids they could have made it work, but he's still not quite 40 and it isn't too late to start over. He wonders if the grad-student wants a big family...

You guys can't tell me that when you look into that picture of Matt Ryan you don't see a man who grew up in the shadow of an older brother. Jerry was the better athlete, Jerry had all the girlfriends, Jerry was the charmer who could roll around in pig poo poo, flash that million dollar smile, and come out smelling like roses. That’s not to say Matt wasn’t a decent athlete or didn’t have any girlfriends, but Jerry was the star player on the high school football team (although “star” is a relative term on a team that won 6 games in 2 years) and Jerry’s wife (then girlfriend) was the prom queen, and how exactly was Matt supposed to compete with that? Matt would say he had the last laugh now that Jerry is a balding, over-weight claims adjuster living in Overland Park Kansas, but Jerry and Cynthia found Jesus and have five kids and Matt is preparing to divorce his wife whom he hasn’t seen naked in over a year so it’s difficult to feel superior. Matt stopped being bitter at Jerry a long time ago anyways. Once they grew up and stopped competing with each other at everything Matt realized that his brother is just like everyone else, trying to do his best and get by day to day. Matt sometimes lies awake at night wondering if his financial success, which he considers moderate but which any sane person would consider substantial, has really bought him anything but heartburn and a failed marriage, but it’s the sort of crisis that doesn’t lead to any meaningful change and is forgotten by the time the alarm goes off and it’s time to hit the river trail. It’s a cold morning and Matt hopes the grad-student doesn’t decide to hit the snooze button.

You misunderstand. It’s not fan fiction. I’m just trying to describe what this picture looks like:

And what it looks like is a man who has been calling his lawyer’s office for the past week and a half and hanging up as soon as the receptionist answers because he feels guilty for beginning this process and blindsiding his wife with divorce papers. But it isn’t really blindsiding is it? Shannon has to know this is coming. She has to. She knows what has been going on for the past five years, or, more to the point, what has not been going on. Hell, she’s probably been seeing someone else behind his back. Who the gently caress knows what goes on all day when he’s at the office? But then again, this is a woman who spends forty-five minutes in the bathroom at a time and he can hear the sobbing through the door on occasion when she forgets to run the sink to drown it out. She still isn’t well and probably never will be, and if he were to serve her and she were to hurt herself he’s not sure he could forgive himself, not to mention the damage that would do to their daughter. So he continues to put it off, and most nights when he gets home from work he parks his Lexus in the driveway and rehearses what he’s going to say when he walks through the door. “Shannon, we both know this isn’t working. It’s not good for either of us to go on this way.” But what if she wants to work things out? He’s well past wanting to try and make it work, but what if she wants to? Could he actually say no to counseling? Wouldn’t that make him a bad person? And as soon as he’s ready to finally say it, he walks in the door and into the bedroom and the master bathroom door is closed and he can hear the sink running. So he changes into his running clothes and heads out to the river trail.

Matt looks like he feels pretty empty inside, sort of like a man who just had a two hour argument with his wife because she felt “Way too loving fat” to go to dinner at the club with the Applebaums. But he’s tired of making excuses for her, “Oh sorry, Shannon is a bit under the weather,” “Oh sorry, our baby sitter canceled at the last minute,” “Oh sorry, Shannon is feeling way too loving fat to come tonight.” So he begs and pleads and she slams the bathroom door so hard the windows shake. They ride to the club in total silence. He reaches for the radio, but she shifts in her seat and groans so he retracts his hand and curses to himself internally. At the club it’s all handshakes and smiles, though she does manage a subtle glare at him when he orders a double Johnnie Walker Black on the rocks. Janice Applebaum asks if she’d like to share a bottle of wine, and she says “No thank you, I think one of us should remain sober.” Other than that little dig things go smoothly enough, but before they’ve ordered dessert she excuses herself and doesn’t return for twenty or so minutes. She claims to have run into Emilia Parker in the ladies restroom and she just couldn’t get away any sooner, but he notices the hastily reapplied lipstick and he’s sure the Applebaum’s do as well. On the way home he catches a brief whiff of sour breath from her and he almost says something, but before he can she asks if he wouldn’t mind sleeping on the couch tonight because he always wakes her up when he leaves early to head out for a run. As they walk through the door she heads straight into the master bath and shuts the door.

I recently showed this to a non-goon friend and it blew his mind.

Barudak
May 7, 2007

WalletBeef posted:

Commanders Bears? Why yes I am depressed thank you for asking !

You arent the person inflicting Saints Cards on Japanese people

Elephanthead
Sep 11, 2008


Toilet Rascal
Hey Walmart fucks, how bout get some better loving broncos?

Rod Hoofhearted
Jun 18, 2000

I am a ghost




:lol: 2 WRs catching the ball

Probably Magic
Oct 9, 2012

Looking cute, feeling cute.

Grittybeard posted:

This game inspired me to go out and buy liquor and I missed however it happened, but how dare the Colts make this a tie game while I wasn't paying attention?

I caught up on both Lower Decks and Mob Psycho this game, so it's been great for that.

Bellmaker
Oct 18, 2008

Chapter DOOF



took two of them to get one catch :laffo:

Pimpcasso
Mar 13, 2002

VOLS BITCH

Bellmaker posted:

took two of them to get one catch :laffo:

Lol

SirPablo
May 1, 2004

Pillbug
lol fighting your teammate for the catch haha

Grittybeard
Mar 29, 2010

Bad, very bad!
:lol: the Broncos offense, even when it works it works in ways football isn't supposed to work.

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Bip Roberts
Mar 29, 2005
I hope someone loses at fantasy this week over that.

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