|
>S Main Office Area. Stanley is working on a cross-word puzzle. Phyllis is finishing up a phone call. Whimpering can be heard from the break room to the north. >S Reception Desk. Pam sighs as you approach. "What do you need now, Jim?" >LOOK PAM Pam looks tired. She is currently frowning at you. >GIVE CARROT TO PAM "What am I supposed to do with that?" says Pam. She won't take it. >GIVE KNIFE TO PAM "What am I supposed to do with that?" says Pam. She won't take it. >GIVE JIM MUG TO PAM "I don't want to see your ugly mug any more than I have to." Pam looks at the mug. "Why did you put your own mug in jello?" >GIVE CLOWN PAPER TO PAM "Ugh! Get that creepy stuff away from me!" >GIVE TEABAG TO PAM Pam looks slightly happier. "Is this for my teapot? Wow. Thanks, Jim." >MUG CAMERA You mug the camera. "Talk about teabagging Pam, am I right?" you say to nobody in particular. Pam sighs and turns away from you. (2 points)
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2022 16:21
|
|
|
|
| # ? Jun 4, 2024 09:03 |
|
|
Jim flees up the steps of a crumbling stone tower, pursued by Dwight who is only a few feet behind. Jim's inhumanly long legs give him a slight advantage in speed, but Dwight's incredible willpower and drive allow him to push past his normal limitation and run faster than he ever has before. Jim realizes that Dwight is gaining on him, inch by inch, and he'll soon be caught. Thankfully for Jim, he has reached his goal. A rusted lever pokes out from a carved stone and Jim pulls it with all his might. It lets out a mighty groan as he does, decades (maybe even centuries) of weather warping the metal rod from its original shape. It works, however, and begins to turn the gears hidden within the depths of the tower. Jim leaps into the air and grabs onto a ledge which quickly rises into the air, a very basic elevator. "Jeez, Dwight. I've heard of getting high on your own supply, but this is ridiculous!" As Jim rises to the heights of the tower, Dwight is forced to continue up the stairs. As the gears continue to turn, blades usher forth from the walls, turning in to deadly hazards. Dwight deftly dodges them all in his dogged pursuit of Jim. He won't get away this time. He can't. By the time Dwight reaches the top of the tower, Jim has already begun his wicked preparations. He sits cross-legged in a circle of power. Lime-green energy is shimmering around him, forming an impenetrable barrier almost like a gelatin mold. Jim mugs at Dwight, then returns to his quiet chanting. Dwight begins hammering on the arcane energy field with his enchanted hammer. After 10 strikes, the field begins to crack. After 30, large cracks have begun to form all over the barrier and Dwight can sense it's about to fall. It's too late, however, as Jim finishes chanting and mugs again. Jim then pops out of existence. There's a loud popping noise as air rushes to fill the void that Jim once inhabited. The arcane energy fades away as its master is now long gone. Enraged, Dwight swings his hammer at the walls of the tower, nearly toppling the building. He lets out a scream of pure primal rage as Jim has escaped again. As he begins to calm himself and prepare for another long journey to hunt down the prankster, he hears footsteps heading up the tower steps. Clack clack clack clack. Dwight readies himself, expecting some terrible wight dressed in rusted armor or perhaps a Jim-bird with wicked talons to be clacking up the stairs. Instead, he smiles as he sees a familiar face. Charles Miner, dressed in his distinctive leather armor, waves at Dwight. "Didn't get him this time, huh? That's okay," Charles pulls out a map and crosses off another location. There are dozens of crossed out locations on the map. "He only has so many places he can hide. As long as we keep destroying his circles of pranking power, we'll catch him eventually." Charles rubs his knee-high boot over Jim's circle, which is drawn with powdered gelatin. As he finishes this task, he hears a shrill animal cry outside and peers out the tiny tower window. "Looks like Chips is here. And he's pissed." Dwight readies his hammer. Charles pulls out his blessed blade, engraved with the phrase RUNDOWN, which grants it incredible anti-pranking power. "Got room for one more?" comes a voice from the top of the stairs. The two warriors turn and see Michael Scott, dressed in his mighty jade armor, looking back at them. Michael lifts his mighty axe. "I'd love to AXE Jim a couple of questions, if you know what I mean." Dwight and Charles nod at Michael. The battle will be long. Dwight fears that not all of his friends will live to see the end. Hundreds of miles away, Jim has been whisked away to another one of his many lairs of power. He looks around. His racecar bed sits in the corner, welcoming him. Crude carved figures of the Minions lay around the bed, channeling wicked magic from the very air. "Sweet, all my stuff is still here!" Jim rushes over and sits on the floor, then starts playing with his Minion figures. He makes all of the voices and sometimes goes "pew pew pew" to represent a Minion shooting a laser gun. Jim mugs for the camera.
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2022 16:28
|
|
|
>SMASH URINAL CAKES With what? >SMASH URINAL CAKES WITH JIM MUG The JIM MUG is currently encased in JELLO. It is no good as a battering implement! >SLICE JELLO WITH KNIFE With a surgeon's precision, you remove the JIM MUG from the Jello, creating a JELLO MUG-MOLD. >SMASH URINAL CAKES WITH JIM MUG You smash ten urinal cakes with your mug, creating a large quantity of CAKE DUST. >ROLL URINAL BLUNT WITH CLOWN PAPER Taking a sheet of clown paper, you roll a blunt of CAKE DUST to create a URINAL BLUNT. You spill about 70% of the dust on the floor, creating a DUST HAZARD. >SMOKE URINAL BLUNT You do not have a lighter! >PUT CAKE DUST IN JELLO You do not have any JELLO in your inventory. >PUT CAKE DUST IN JELLO MUG-MOLD You dump the remainder of the CAKE DUST into the JELLO MUG-MOLD. You're one step closer to making the mythical URINAL CAKE MUG.
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2022 16:33
|
|
|
>SMIRK AT CAMERA The camera crew is filming Dwight's breakdown right now. They are not paying attention to you.
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2022 16:40
|
|
|
> REAM CLOWN PAPER
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2022 17:01
|
|
|
Inexplicable Humblebrag posted:> REAM CLOWN PAPER Can't show that in a Christian text adventure!
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2022 17:07
|
|
|
> BEFRIEND DWIGHT Dwight is already your friend! > PRANK DWIGHT How would you like to prank Dwight? > REAM CLOWN PAPER
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2022 17:11
|
|
|
>HELP Who would you like to help? >MANUAL Your car is an automatic! >QUIT You love your job at Dunder Mifflin too much to quit! >QUIT GAME You love your job at Dunder Mifflin too much to quit!
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2022 17:38
|
|
|
Pam reads Jim's autopsy report to the rest of the staff, complete with the police report of events that lead to JIm's death overnight on Halloween. "So, Jim's really gone..." Oscar shakes his head in disbelief. "That's what she said..." Michael says without any hint of humor. For the first time ever, the office staff laughs at Michael's catchphrase. Charles Miner walks across the room and gives Michael a high-five and a hug, fighting and failing to hold back his laughter. Angela is laughing so hard she can barely breathe. Dwight is wiping tears from his eyes from the laughter as he makes crude references to Jim's demise. Pam just weeps. Not due to their insensitivity but their ignorance. She knows Jim will be back next Halloween.
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2022 17:45
|
|
|
It's November 1st. Only 14 hours have passed since Jim's gruesome suicide. Scranton's crime scene cleanup company was still power washing the hog entrails off of city hall, and the Scranton PD gives the "all clear" to the city public library system. Dwight is first to arrive in the office; it still reeks of krill, but at least Jim's reign of terror was finally over. His thought were interrupted though by a shattering of glass coming from the parking lot. Dwight peers out the window and his face twists in horror as he sees Jim stumble comically out of the Oscar Meyer Weiner Mobile drivers side door. The front end of the weiner mobile had crushed Dwight's car, but that was the least of his concerns. Jim, wearing an inflatable turkey costume, regains his footing and leers upward at the window. Even separated by the glass, Dwight is able to make out Jim's words - "happy prankvember, balloon boy"
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2022 18:16
|
|
|
>INSERT PLASTIC KNIFE INTO CARROT You now have CARROT WITH PLASTIC KNIFE. >PUT CARROT WITH PLASTIC KNIFE INTO FREEZER You don't have a FREEZER near your desk. DWIGHT hid it after you used it to encase his things in JELLO. >E Do you want to go to the BREAK ROOM or MICHAELS OFFICE? >BREAK ROOM You arrive at the BREAK ROOM. It's equipped with a REFRIGERATOR with a FREEZER, a number of TABLES and CHAIRS, the COFFEE MACHINE and a sink with a HOT WATER TAP and a COLD WATER TAP. DWIGHT is eating his lunch in peace. You can tell he becomes fearful when he sees you due to his PROFUSELY SWEATING. There's a BOTTOMLESS SPAGHETTI PLATE on one of the tables. >PUT CARROT WITH PLASTIC KNIFE INTO FREEZER You put the CARROT WITH PLASTIC KNIFE into the FREEZER >WAIT How long? >WAIT 2 2 what? >WAIT 2 HOURS You arrive at the BREAK ROOM. It's equipped with a REFRIGERATOR with a FREEZER, a number of TABLES and CHAIRS, the COFFEE MACHINE and a sink with a HOT WATER TAP and a COLD WATER TAP. There's a BOTTOMLESS SPAGHETTI PLATE on one of the tables. >LOOK AT FREEZER The FREEZER is a regular built-in refrigerator freezer unit. There's a DWIGHT SCHRUTE CHARITY MAGNET stuck to the door. >LOOK IN FREEZER Contents: ICE, FROZEN STAPLER IN JELLO and FROZEN CARROT WITH PLASTIC KNIFE >PICK UP FROZEN CARROT WITH PLASTIC KNIFE There's no FROZEN CARROT WITH PLASTIC KNIFE in the BREAK ROOM >PICK UP FROZEN CARROT WITH PLASTIC KNIFE FROM FREEZER You add FROZEN CARROT WITH PLASTIC KNIFE to your inventory. >W You arrive at CUBICLES. DWIGHT is working at his desk. PAM is at the reception desk. >USE FROZEN CARROT WITH PLASTIC KNIFE ON DWIGHT You slip the FROZEN CARROT WITH PLASTIC KNIFE down DWIGHT's shirt, startling him! (2 points) The FROZEN CARROT WITH PLASTIC KNIFE melts down on DWIGHT's pants, making him look like he pissed his pants! (3 points) When DWIGHT grabs the CARROT WITH PLASTIC KNIFE. He cuts open his hand with the PLASTIC KNIFE and the wound gets infected due to the CARROT! (1 + 1 points) >MUG CAMERA "An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but a carrot a day brings the trickster to play!" (20 points) BONUS: x2 multiplier for >5 points in a single action (Total: 34 points (7*2 + 20)) Space Kablooey fucked around with this message at 20:05 on Nov 1, 2022 |
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2022 18:54
|
|
|
>W Main Office Area >S Office Stairwell The office stairwell. This goes down to the SHIPPING DOCKS. >D Shipping Docks This is the area where Dunder Mifflin ships out and receives paper products. DARRYL is using a CLIPBOARD. This area also houses the CIRCUIT BREAKER, which controls the building's power. >FLIP CIRCUIT BREAKER You step over to the circuit breaker, but Darryl stops you. "Slow down there, Jim. I've gotta finish using this clipboard before I can let you mess with the power." >GIVE DARRYL SPLENDAS You hand Darryl 3 Splendas. "Awesome! Splendas! Looks like it's lunchtime for Darryl!" He sits down on a crate and begins sucking down the sugar substitute. >FLIP CIRCUIT BREAKER While Darryl is distracted, you flip the building's circuit breaker and enshroud the area in darkness. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2022 19:06
|
|
|
>A You are on a dock, approaching a BOAT. >A You are on the boat. Your friend, Elon Musk, is standing nearby. >HOSE ELON You rinse down Elon with a hose, which is totally normal. >HOSE ELON You continue rinsing down Elon and it continues being totally normal. >HOSE ELON Are you sure? >Y You continue hosing down Elon. It's a little less normal now. >HOSE ELON Please stop >HOSE ELON Please >HOSE ELON Don't you want to prank Dwight? >HOSE ELON You continue to hose down Elon. >MUG You mug for the camera.
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2022 19:14
|
|
|
Jim reveals that he's been hiding cheese in the air vents of the office for years. "Look! It's got all kinds of new growth going on!" Dwight realizes that this is the cause of the weird smell in the office (not "the cheap paint they use in here" as Jim claimed years ago) and most likely the cause of his many allergy issues. Jim mugs for the camera as he inhales a big whiff of spores.
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2022 19:18
|
|
|
Jim suggests that everyone pay $20 a month for a Dunder Mifflin ID badge. This is quickly shouted down by the employees, correctly arguing that they shouldn't have to pay for something that's an identifier, not a status symbol. "Fine, fine! How about 8 bucks?" Jim mugs for the camera and then implements his plan. Unfortunately for Dunder Mifflin, Jim allows anyone to partake in this, even non-Dunder Mifflin employees. A bearded man wearing animal furs asks if he can get an ID badge that says "Jim Halpert". "Uh, how about NO! My name's Jim Halpert, only I get that name." "What if I call myself The Real Jim Halpert?" "Uhhhhh. Well.... uh...." Jim leaps out a window, leaving the employees of Dunder Mifflin to deal with the mess Jim created. Hours later, Jim's self-driving car explodes in the parking lot in an unrelated incident. "I mean, we should have expected this. Jim's Hyper-Straw kind of set the groundwork for the 'genius' ideas he could come up with," Meredith says dismissively.
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2022 19:38
|
|
|
Jim, again out of prank stamina, simply reaches over and pokes Dwight every minute. Dwight is able to swat away some pokes, but misses others. He just sighs. It's not a good prank.
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2022 20:21
|
|
|
Jim, again out of prank stamina. He is only able to simply reach over and poke Dwight every other minute. Dwight is able to swat away some pokes, but misses others. He just sighs. It's not a good prank. Jim reaches over to his PrankApp on his JelloPhone and recharges his stamina by purchasing a Slurp Juice(tm) with his leftover PrankBux. He feels refreshed, ready to prank Dwight again.
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2022 21:07
|
|
|
>PUT JELLO MOLD ON DWIGHT'S DESK You put the jello mold on Dwight's desk. It jiggles slightly. Inside the jello's hollow cavity, which is now filled with urinal dust powder in the shape of a mug, gently sways. >WAIT Dwight returns to his desk. As soon as he sees the jello on his desk, he calls, "Michael!" >WAIT Michael laughs at the prank. He demands that Dwight eat the mug out of the mold. Dwight takes a few bites, then begins to retch. He's eating urinal cake dust. (Ten points)
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2022 21:07
|
|
|
Jim contemplates the steak knife, tossing it back between and forth in his hands, sitting in the unlit living room in his home. He keeps poking himself with it, contemplating where to land the "final prank" on himself. Pam sleeps upstairs, safely with the baby. She cries in her sleep, not knowing why. The prank will be completed when she comes down in the morning to find him. Jim's ghost mugs from the afterlife.
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2022 21:19
|
|
|
Jim's ghost mugs torment Dwight. He tries to pour coffee in them, but they cannot hold liquid (due to being incorporeal.)
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2022 21:55
|
|
|
Jim buys some gas station pills, hoping to light a fire and replinish some of his prank stamina. Unfortunately Jim can't read. He sits at his desk with a raging hard on, which he uses to poke Dwight. Dwight is able to swat away some pokes, but misses others. He just sighs. It's not a good prank. Toby gets excited and mutters something about the sexual assault binder. He's never used the sexual assault forms before.
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2022 22:04
|
|
|
Screechy the Screech Owl, an incorporeal ghost and also Dwight’s grandfather, takes a long sip out of the ghost of Jim’s mug. Suddenly, he spits and begins to screech. It’s filled with urinal cake powder! Ghost Jim mugs the haunted mirror.
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2022 22:24
|
|
|
Jim steals potion ingredients from professor Snape's office and hides them in Dwight's bookbag.
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2022 23:12
|
|
|
Jim puts Dwight's name in the goblet of fire. Dumbledore reacts reasonably to this development.
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2022 23:33
|
|
|
Jim says or does something that makes leftists on Twitter mad
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2022 23:35
|
|
|
Jim sacrifices Dwight in a grisly ritual, tearing his, Jim’s, soul in two in the process. He then magicks one of his soul’s halves into a urinal cake, thus making himself immortal until the cursed receptacle is destroyed. Kevin is delighted to see that there is a seemingly indestructible urinal cake that glows angry red when you pee on it in the Dunder Mifflin toilets.
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2022 23:51
|
|
|
The Jim-cursed urinal cake begins to vibrate in rage, but the janitor is able to screw it down into the urinal grill. Kevin still giggles every time he makes it turn red.
|
|
#
?
Nov 2, 2022 07:46
|
|
|
Jim points to a butterfly and says "moth".
|
|
#
?
Nov 2, 2022 09:03
|
|
|
On Deep Space Nine, Miles O'Brien is being forced by his wife to work on a family genealogy project for his daughter Molly's school project. Anything dealing with his family requires Miles to tear one on down at the bar for a few hours so he doesn't have to think about it so much, so he plops his rear end down in a seat at Quark's and orders some of the cheap stuff and begins doing his research on the PADD. "You only drink like that when Keiko has you up to something. What's the missus got you doing now, Chief?" Quark feigns interest at the problems of a hu-mon being controlled by his unruly female. "First, you refer to her as Mrs. O'Brien," Miles points his finger at Quark. "Second, your only concern should be how much alcohol I require to do my job, and I'm still working, so top me off!" "C'mon, Chief, don't be like that." Quark soothed. "You just seem down in the dumps." "Fine, Quark. It's been a rough day, already. Got to my station, my tricorder is gone. Just missing. We track it down and you know where we find it?! In Odo's regeneration bowl while Odo's in it! Odo wakes up while I'm just standing there with my hand him in trying to grab it. He's accusing me of putting it in him while he was regenerating and wanted to know what I was doing! So there was whole thing between me and him and Sisko today over that." "The tricorder or your hand?" Quark laughs, then apologizes. "Screw it, Odo's not even Starfleet. My real problem is that Keiko told me Molly needs me to help her do a family tree project for school and it's due tomorrow. Do you know how frustrating that is? Keiko literally made the problem that she needs me to fix. Molly's not even part of this equation! It's like Keiko assigned ME the homework and if I don't do this I'll be the one who gets in trouble!" "That sounds like one of my holoprograms. You can rent the holosuite for a while to try it out if you think it will help. The set up is that you're a..." Quark squints, trying to suspend his own disbelief. "young Starfleet Academy cadet and your teacher calls you to her office after class to talk about how she can help you with y---" "Quark," Miles is barely restraining his urge to kill. "Do I look like Reg Barclay to you?" "I don't know who that is." "That's good. If you knew who that was and STILL made a suggestion like that to me, I would have pulled you across this bar and turned you into a puddle so quick that you'd have to change your name to Odo..." "Alright, you sound like you could use another..." Quark topped off Miles' drink, once again, as Miles went back to work on tracing back the family tree. "That's odd," Miles perked up a bit, taking notice of something. "I apparently had an American ancestor... Never knew that. Incomplete data. Just says 'Shroot', some sort of 'farmer' and 'bookseller' from the Northeastern United States when that was a thing, Born late 20th century, death unknown. This would have been someone from around the time of the Eugenics Wars on Earth. That'd explain that, I guess. Records from that time are always a bit spotty." Miles continued drinking a bit more and had a thought. "You know, there was a human from just before the Eugenics War that went missing right around that time. You ever hear of Dwight Schrute?" "I've never even heard of Reg Barclay, why would I know Dwight Schrute?" "Dwight Schrute! They still teach him in school! Well, maybe not in Keiko's classes, but in real schools back on Earth they still do! He was this legend of a man, a simple farmer who also sold 'paper', but who somehow managed to be the greatest athlete, humanitarian, and scientist of his age! Do you know how many equations and formulas are named after him? I mean, it's all considered a bit bunk, though. No way a person of that time and place could have been so brilliant, but somehow he's like the Johnny Appleseed of beets and scientific thought. Wait, Quark, I want you to look at this..." Miles pulls up one of the few surviving images of a figure presumed to be Dwight Schrute. "This guy and me? You see any similarities?" "Yeaaaah..." Quark squints again, "around the forehead. It's uncanny. You two could be twins..." "You know, this maybe makes sense... What if my ancestor and Dwight Schrute are one in the same?! It would explain why he suddenly vanished off everyone's sensors during the Eugenics War: As smart as he was, he knew even the ubermench knew better than to gently caress with the Irish! It was the safest place to lay low until the war was over! I need to dig deeper into this when I get home! I might have just solved the greatest mystery of human history!" "CHIEF!" Julian shouts from behind Miles, escorting a new officer with him. "I just found this fellow wandering around the station, said he's been looking for you for what seems like forever..." Miles hid his disgust at the interruption and the company. God, had Starfleet standards gotten so lax that a human male was allowed to walk around with hair that unkempt and floppy? "Ensign Jim Halpert," the man says, smiling. "Can't wait to get started working with you." Ensign Jim mugs to the hidden camera installed on the station by Garak.
|
|
#
?
Nov 2, 2022 09:58
|
|
|
Dwight walks into a darkened warehouse. Standing at a throne, Jim wears Kryptonian armor. "Dwi-tay of House Schrute, you have been condemned for crimes against Scran-Ton. How do you plead?" 'Oh please Jim, mixing Snyder Kryptonian aesthetics with the Donner version? This is just pathetic.' "Silence!" Shrieks Jim. "For your crimes, you will be sentenced.... To the PrankedOn Zone!" Jim tosses a veiny dildo at Dwight, who awkwardly catches it. At once, a pair of cellophane panels envelop Dwight as a camera takes a photo. Dwight cries for air as Jim mugs for brainiac.
|
|
#
?
Nov 2, 2022 11:26
|
|
|
Jim manifests inside Dwight's dishwasher and immediately begins eating the plates.
|
|
#
?
Nov 2, 2022 13:38
|
|
|
Jim edits Dwight's Wikipedia page, adding the phrase "Dwight Schrute is one of the famous gay beet farmers. He loves man and kiss him on the lips and butt."
|
|
#
?
Nov 2, 2022 13:56
|
|
|
Jim becomes a certified demonologist after paying Zak Bagans $200. He then declares Dwight to be "infested with demons" and straps him to a bed. Jim then just walks away, leaving Dwight alone with his thoughts as he slowly frees himself from the various ropes, straps, and chains binding him to the bed. As Dwight frees himself, he begins to wonder if Jim is too far gone at this point. Perhaps it would be a kindness to put him down now, like a rabid dog. Dwight could do it, easily. A single punch to his nose could knock the cartilage into Jim's brain and instantly kill him. No one would care. People might even thank Dwight for it. Jim probably would. He'll finally be free from whatever strange compulsions drive him. Yes, it would be the right move. As Dwight removes the final chains he pushes away those thoughts and hates himself for even thinking of them. Who is Dwight to decide who lives and dies? In a talking head segment, Jim reveals that this was the real purpose of the prank. "$200 to get Dwight to question his morality? That's a hell of a bargain!" Jim mugs for the camera.
|
|
#
?
Nov 2, 2022 14:06
|
|
|
Jim replaces Dwight’s sheets with giant reams of super-sticky flypaper. When Dwight snuggles into bed, weary after another long productive day, he is stuck fast. Jim hops out of his closet, laughing at Dwight’s struggles. Jim then just walks away, leaving Dwight alone with his thoughts as he slowly frees himself from the gluey, sticky paper binding him to the bed. As Dwight frees himself, he begins to wonder if Jim is too far gone at this point. Perhaps it would be a kindness to put him down now, like a rabid dog. Dwight could do it, easily. A single punch to his nose could knock the cartilage into Jim's brain and instantly kill him. No one would care. People might even thank Dwight for it. Jim probably would. He'll finally be free from whatever strange compulsions drive him. Yes, it would be the right move. As Dwight removes the final trap he pushes away those thoughts and hates himself for even thinking of them. Who is Dwight to decide who lives and dies? In a talking head segment, Jim reveals that this was the real purpose of the prank. "I’ve been trying to push Dwight to kill me for two decades now. I made a deal with a demon that I couldn’t die unless Dwight killed me. Only afterwards did I realize what a waking nightmare such a life would be, and I’ve been trying everything I can think of to somehow get the world’s most moral man to break loose and free me from this living prison, the endless nights filled with laughing clowns where sleep never comes, and long days toiling endlessly at maddening pranks, starving beyond human tolerance but never dying. My un-life is an unholy abomination and I can never be free; so I must continue to prank the best man among us, to try to degrade him as I have degraded myself; forever unclean, cursed to shamble forth in hunger and pain and toil; never to be free. Far from the light of God." Jim mugs for the camera.
|
|
#
?
Nov 2, 2022 14:29
|
|
|
Elon Musk (dressed in a $7500 set of “Devil’s Champion Leather Armor”) arrives at the Dunder Mifflin office carrying a kitchen sink. He announces that he will be firing 75% of the staff and that the remaining sales team (Jim and Dwight) will now be working 300 hours a week to develop a new "subscription-based" form of paper. As everyone stares at Musk in a mixture of bemusement and horror, Jim quips "Let that SINK in!" Elon Musk (still dressed in a $7500 set of “Devil’s Champion Leather Armor” and carrying a kitchen sink) immediately bursts into shrieking laughter, tilting his massive head back and cackling at the top of his lungs. Suddenly he stops, becoming wide-eyed and serious. "The hose." he demands through gritted teeth, "Get the hose." Jim doesn't need to be told twice and quickly scurries out of the room.
|
|
#
?
Nov 2, 2022 14:59
|
|
|
In the middle of a standard workday, Jim stands up on top of his desk and loudly announces that, effective immediately and from here onward, it will cost $20 per month to be his friend. The office is silent for a moment. Jim looks around expectantly. After a few more minutes, he looks confused. Nobody is saying anything. Nobody is rushing forward to give him money. "Are you kidding? With all the crap we have to put up with around here just to do our jobs?" shouts Meredith from the back. "If anything, you should be paying me to be around you." Jim fumbles, holding back tears. "H-how about... what if... how about $8 per month?" The office is silent for a few minutes more. Pam is at her desk, silently texting her divorce attorney and asking if this gives her any more leverage. She's in the middle of removing Jim's name from her accounts so that he can't claim she ever paid anything to be his friend. A few minutes later, Elon Musk (dressed as Waluigi) comes racing into the office. He is going so fast he trips on the turn and sprawls into the couch, rolls to the ground, pulls himself to his feet, then sprints through Dwight (sending him, Dwight, sprawling) and collapses at Jim's feet panting. "Jim... Jim. Here... here. It's... it's your... eight... American... dollars," pants the billionaire. "Now... now... you have to... have to... like me. That's the deal. That's how it works." Jim bends down and takes the crumpled dollar bills, then pockets them, with a slowly growing grin on his face. "Now..." continues Musk, "let's go. As my friend. It's time for the hose." Jim's smile evaporates completely as he walks stone faced away with Musk.
|
|
#
?
Nov 2, 2022 17:48
|
|
|
Jim purchases a monster truck and starts arriving at work super early, ensuring that he takes up the entire parking lot of Dunder Mifflin. This forces every other employee, especially Dwight, to park in the satellite lot almost a half mile away. "What's the matter, Balloon Boy? Afraid of a little exercise, you fat piece of poo poo?" Dwight says that's hardly the issue, his concern is that the satellite lot can only support a few cars, more than Dunder Mifflin's current staffing. As such, several people have had to park even further way, effectively adding to their daily commute. Jim loudly yawns. "Well, you better get used to it. Because this is STILL America, I'm still allowed to drive whatever kind of truck I want. And no, it's not because of my micropenis, no matter what that court-appointed whackjob wants me to believe!" Jim storms out, hops in his monster truck, and drives away. Airbrushed on the back of his truck is his mugging face.
|
|
#
?
Nov 2, 2022 18:00
|
|
|
Jim goes to the farmers market hosted weekly by Dwight at Schrute Farms. He mixes the organic beets with the beets in the regular-price bin, confusing everybody.
|
|
#
?
Nov 2, 2022 19:33
|
|
|
Jim asks to leave early, insistent that he has a "hot date" that night. He leaves, Pam staring sadly as the door slams behind him. When Dwight gets home from work he finds Jim burning down Schrute Farms for the 15th time. "Get it? Hot date? Because I'm going to Hell for this!" Jim mugs for the camera.
|
|
#
?
Nov 2, 2022 20:38
|
|
|
|
| # ? Jun 4, 2024 09:03 |
|
|
On the advent of an elaborate 12 day prank involving skittering around on Dwight's roof, using strange lights in the fields, and otherworldly screaming in the night to try in an attempt to convince Dwight there are scary aliens around... He completely forgets that Pam exists in his dedication to this prank. He has left his phone at home for security reasons for this prank and has been sleeping in the forest behind the beet farm. This makes Pam sad and worried, and she contacts the police to report him missing, and they say "they will look into it." They will not actually do this. Jim gives up the prank as unsuccessful when Dwight yells out the window "I know it's you Jim, and not spooky aliens! Go home or I'll get Mose riled up and send him out there!" He returns to the office the next day, expecting a serious dressing down from Michael for missing so much work, but nobody appears to have even noticed he was gone.
|
|
#
?
Nov 2, 2022 21:22
|
|