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Jim, nude except for a pair of tennis shoes, wanders the office at lunchtime. He is constantly jerking off and ejaculating onto his coworkers’ lunch, telling everyone that he’s serving free samples of Famous Jim’s Original Cream of Sum Yung Gai. Meredith has to be taken to the hospital to have her stomach pumped.
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Nov 5, 2022 04:35
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| # ? Jun 4, 2024 06:58 |
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Jim sends Pam an email, posing as her art professor, making the nonsensical claim that she will have to stop making work in Adobe flash and switch to acrobat, a pdf reader, as well as something called "quark." This causes her to quit art school and return to scranton early, sealing her fate.
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Nov 5, 2022 15:17
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Jim stirs an enormous vat of simmering cream corn in the office. Jim smiles proudly and says he has "enough for everyone." Dwight opens the Door on the other side of the room, and Jim, apparently knocked down by the breeze, or faking that, catapults himself into the creamed corn, spilling it everywhere and scalding everyone in a 20 foot radius. The apparent medical emergency means that nobody has time to clean the corn, leaving Dwight with a moldy, Rotten mess of a carpet that costs him tens of thousands of dollars to repair. Jim, in a full body cast, smirks to himself. "Nice."
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Nov 5, 2022 17:37
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Dwight sneezes at his desk (politely covering his nose with a tissue). Jim pretends to be so surprised that he rolls backward off his chair, landing badly and snapping his neck. Jim spends the next month banging his oversized wheelchair into everyone and everything at the office, and blaming it on Dwight’s sneeze. The six hundredth time he does this, Michael asks Jim if Dwight ever apologized for sneezing, since he might have “maybe been half at fault.” Jim rotates his chair until his lolling head is directed toward the camera.
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Nov 5, 2022 22:38
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Jim gets an experimental surgery that takes two inches off of his height.
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Nov 5, 2022 22:38
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jim distracts dwight by pointing out the window and screeching. in the ensuing commotion, jim docks with dwight, mugging the camera all the while
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Nov 5, 2022 23:39
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Jim gets an experimental surgery that takes two inches off of his, Dwight’s, height.
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Nov 5, 2022 23:53
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Jim gets an experimental surgery that takes two inches off of his, Dwight’s, penis.
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Nov 5, 2022 23:57
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The prank backfires, and Dwight is delighted to finally be able to wear shorts that end above the knee.
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Nov 5, 2022 23:58
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In frustration, Jim arranges more black market surgeries to add even more to Dwight's height, and pays for the recovery coma care, until he wakes up even taller. Dwight will need to buy new shorts, but his power is now greater than ever. Angela rests her head somewhere near Dwight's pectorals and murmurs about how much she missed him during his "vacation". Jim is perplexed by why a taller Dwight appears more confident and attractive to human females. Perhaps another drugging and kidnapping to implant extra muscles into Dwight will solve this once and for all. In the meantime, he books another shortening procedure for himself. Pranks are easier when you can hide behind smaller objects.
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Nov 6, 2022 00:14
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Jim purchases Dunder Mifflin and proceeds to institute a number of changes immediately. Jim makes it cost a dollar in order to use the restrooms. Jim outlaws coffee and donuts on all DM properties. Jim fires all HR and Finance folks, moving Mose into position as CFO. Jim deletes all corporate contacts and has the Sales force transition into selling "Paper Subscriptions". On his third day, Jim delivers a webcast extolling the virtues of the New DunderMifflin, and rolls out Paper+. No one knows what Paper+ is or how it works, but it's a mandatory $200 a month fee. Dwight, having been given 3 months pay and benefits, retires to his Beet Study and drinks a scotch.
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Nov 6, 2022 00:27
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Jim discovers a magical grumpy frog that increases his, Jim's, penis length by an inch every time the frog says "no." Jim asks the frog, "hey frog can you give me another penis inch?" The frog replies, "no." Jim looks down and his penis grew an inch. Jim is elated. "Hey frog make my penis longer again!" The frog replies, "no!" Jim looks down once more and he grew another inch! He's in pornstar territory! So once more he asks the magic grumpy frog, "hey frog can you make my penis longer?" The grumpy frog gets flustered and shouts, "how many times do I have to tell you? No no no no no no no!"
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Nov 6, 2022 01:18
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Jim sticks a straw into Dwight's neck while Dwight is sleeping and sucks out all of Dwight's serotonin.
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Nov 7, 2022 04:30
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Jim discovers Pam filling out the divorce paperwork and then pretends to be a cat, backing out of the room while meowing on all 4's. Pam doesn't even look up.
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Nov 7, 2022 04:41
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Jim pretends to be a cat and tricks Angela into adopting and breastfeeding him.
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Nov 7, 2022 05:35
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Jim scratches at the door and yowls until Dwight lets him out, then comes back 30 seconds later doing the same thing to be let back in and this continues nonstop until Dwight squirts him with a water gun
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Nov 7, 2022 05:44
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After seeing Angela in a bikini at the work retreat to the lake, Jim keeps “jokingly” hitting on her whenever Dwight isn’t around. When Pam overhears Jim in the break room bragging to a disinterested Angela (who is trying to make tea as fast as she can and get out) about how many times he got laid in high school, she (Pam) confronts him angrily. The rest of the office uncomfortably overhears excited snippets of their ensuing whispered argument, including “No! No! It’s just part of my pranks! Okay? I just want to prank Dwight!” Jim walks out of the break room a few minutes later with a sheepish look on his face, acting like nothing ever happened. He weakly mugs the camera as he passes by.
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Nov 7, 2022 05:59
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Jim and Dwight pass notes back and forth all day, giggling and distracting everyone else in the office.
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Nov 7, 2022 06:41
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The Hello Machine posted:Jim and Dwight pass notes back and forth all day, giggling and distracting everyone else in the office. This is a nice one 
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Nov 7, 2022 07:06
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Jim visits Dwight every day at reception, planting the seeds from which a family will grow.
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Nov 7, 2022 07:09
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The Hello Machine posted:Jim and Dwight pass notes back and forth all day, giggling and distracting everyone else in the office. Unbeknownst to the rest of the office, each note that Jim is passing Dwight says “I will set off the bombs, unless you giggle after reading this, and then write and pass me another note.”
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Nov 7, 2022 07:13
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The Awesomesaurus posted:Unbeknownst to the rest of the office, each note that Jim is passing Dwight says “I will set off the bombs, unless you giggle after reading this, and then write and pass me another note.” The bombs are actually just a combination of glitter bombs and stink bombs. But the threat is ambiguous, and Dwight takes security extremely seriously. He has always said he would never negotiate with terrorists, but he feels he has no choice in this situation. He can't see a way out. Jim stares at him while holding the dead-mans switch down in one hand, and passes the giggle-ordering note back over with his free hand.
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Nov 7, 2022 07:55
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Jim swaps out Dwight's melatonin pills for Adderall-XR. After a week, Dwight is in what feels like hell, never sleeping but always feeling tired. Dwight starts a fight club, having watched the movie a few weeks back. Jim mugs the camera. "Yeah, I basically thought it would be funny to trick Dwight into starting a fight club. I'm gonna be his Tyler Durden."
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Nov 7, 2022 10:53
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Jim comes to work wearing a chicken as an athletic supporter, a duck as underwear and a turkey as pants. When Dwight confronts Jim about this extremely inappropriate attire, Jim flings powdered lye at him (Dwight). While Dwight is rushing to the bathroom to wash off the lye before it burns him, Jim mugs at the camera and says, "I've heard of Tyler Durden, but Tyler TURDUCKEN?"
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Nov 7, 2022 13:07
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Jim has sex with Angela, and then tries to convince the entire office that he was a split personality of Dwight the entire time. When that fails, he blows up the building while listening to Wave Of Mutilation and mugging the camera. Halfway through, he realizes that was the wrong Pixies song and mugs the camera even harder to make up for it.
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Nov 7, 2022 13:15
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Jim sits on Dwight’s keyboard, making a jumbled mess of his spreadsheets
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Nov 7, 2022 14:06
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Famous Original Jim's launches a collaboration with Black Rifle Coffee called the "January 6th Wakeup Pizza". It's a pizza topped with coffee beans and it's served in a pizza box that says "RISE UP AMERICA". Fortunately for society, the pizza sells poorly. Jim is forced to eat thousands of pizzas, as he foolishly believed he'd "sell millions of these things" and baked and froze them for weeks before launch. Unfortunately for Dwight, this means Jim is constantly making GBS threads at work. Dwight attempts to use the restroom but finds it being used by Jim. Dwight is struck by a foul odor unlike any he's experienced in his life, along with the unnerving yelps of pain coming from Jim alongside his occasional mutterings. Dwight decides he can just hold it for the day. Jim mugs for the camera between painful bowel movements.
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Nov 7, 2022 14:52
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Jim spends $44,000 to purchase "Tout", the former social media video-sharing site. Convinced that he can "make a shitload of money" on the investment, Jim stares at his computer screen for hours. "I can fix this. If I just... yeah... there we go." For the next 24 hours straight, Jim frantically taps away at his keyboard. "I'm in the code now. And if I do this... yep, there we go. Now we're cooking with gas. The whole world is going to be touting it out by the end of this month." An unwashed Jim eventually emerges, his computer screen now filled with the phrase "DWIGHT SUCKS LOL" typed on a word document again and again. Jim doesn't actually get Tout working at any point but still considers this a good use of his time and money.
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Nov 7, 2022 15:24
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Malkavian Jim turns into a cat and sneaks into family homes in Scranton to steal their babies’ breath, knowing that Dwight will have to cover up all of the crib deaths.
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Nov 7, 2022 15:29
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Dwight tells Jim that he has a crush on Angela, and wants to ask her out on a date some day. Jim says that he should ask her out to the Famous Original Jim’s Pizza Parlor and Video Arcade, but Dwight says that he’s too shy. Dwight asks Jim to ask her out for Dwight. Angela is eating lunch at the popular table with her friends, Pam and Kelly. Jim walks up to Angela and says a few words to her. The entire table stops talking and looks at Jim, silently. Jim says a few things, but Dwight can’t hear what he’s saying. He just watches the entire interaction. Angela turns and looks at Dwight, then says something back to Jim. As Jim walks away, the other girls at the table start to giggle and laugh. Dwight feels really embarrassed.
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Nov 7, 2022 15:33
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Jim never really existed: he was a figment of Dwight’s imagination all along, an aspect of his split personality. Dwight encases his own stapler in jello and places it in his drawer. A few moments later, he opens the drawer again. "MICHAEL!" Dwight smirks at the camera.
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Nov 7, 2022 16:15
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Dwight never really existed: he was a figment of Jim's imagination all along, an aspect of his split personality. Jim encases his own stapler in jello and places it in his drawer. A few moments later, he opens the drawer again. "MICHAEL!" Jim smirks at the camera.
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Nov 7, 2022 16:37
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"Who the hell is Michael?" asks a befuddled Stanley. "Our boss, genius. Sits in that office, weird guy, loves kids?" replies Jim. "Jim, did you hit your head again? Charles is our boss. Charles Miner." Jim does a double take and then spits out the mouth full of water he just drank. He does another spit take, this time it's blood. "Jim, you might want to go to a hospital. This doesn't look good." "No time for the hospital," responds Charles Miner as he steps out of his office, "not until you get me that rundown, at least. You do have it, right?" Jim screams.
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Nov 7, 2022 16:41
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Michael Scott's been dead for TWENTY YEARS!
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Nov 7, 2022 16:49
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Jim convinces Dwight he (Dwight) has a brain tumor by hiring an Asian man to impersonate Michael
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Nov 7, 2022 16:49
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Stanley pulls out his iPhone and starts to play Candy Crush. Jim whips his head around and goggles at the device. "Is that... Is that a phone?" he asks. Jim hasn't ever seen a smartphone before. Just then, his computer lights up with an incoming Zoom call. Befuddled, Jim clicks on accept and sees Andy, a tiny head in the screen, making a video call. The background is Andy's boat, from which he's been working remotely for the last two years. "Hey, Tun', can I get your download on the e-delivery numbers when you get a mom'? Hey, bee-tee-dub, you catch the latest news about Twitter? Anyway, it's been a real banger. Lates." Jim's head is spinning. He's never seen a video call before, and he stares at the computer like a monkey examining a car engine. It's still his standard cathode-ray monitor, but... different. Jim turns around to ask Stanley about this, but it's some young guy. Stanley's been retired for nearly a decade.
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Nov 7, 2022 16:55
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Jim pools his resources to get the street the office is located on renamed. No longer named "Slough Street", the Scranton Branch of Dunder Mifflin now resides on "Dwight's Taint". Dwight receives a phone call from a customer, looking to visit the office and meet with everyone. Dwight sighs and says that the customer just needs to enter "1725 Dwight's Taint, Suite 200" into his GPS to find the office. Jim mugs for the camera.
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Nov 7, 2022 16:59
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The Office never really existed: it was a figment of BJ Novak's imagination all along, an aspect of his split personality. BJ encases his own stapler in jello and places it in his drawer. A few moments later, he opens the drawer again. "MICHAEL!" BJ smirks at the camera. In the script, Ryan and all his friends share a hearty laugh. His happy thoughts are interrupted by furious and violent Greg Daniels. "If I see you smirking instead of writing one more time balloon boy I'm going to kick your rear end from here to Sunday. You're on thin ice!"
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Nov 7, 2022 17:02
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BJ Novak is staring down at a blank journal in the padded room of the "Dunder Mifflin Sanatorium for the Permanently Insane". The doctor shakes his head and whispers to the nurse next to him, "He think he's making a children's story. A book with no pictures."
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Nov 7, 2022 17:04
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| # ? Jun 4, 2024 06:58 |
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A child shakes a snowglobe next to his bed. Inside is a tiny model of Scranton, PA. The boy's parents visited the town long ago and purchased the trinket as a memento. The boy shakes it again and again, staring at the tiny plastic snowflakes swirling around. "Do you think he's getting any better? The teachers said he's socializing a lot more." "Maybe. He's stopped pranking so much, at least. Ever since... the incident." The two parents nod in silence, a grim recognition passing between them. The incident, which must never be spoken of in detail, is acknowledged and can now be buried again. "He sure does love that snow globe, though. I guess that's fine, it's keeping his attention at least." "Yeah, but I wonder what he's thinking about." The boy shakes the globe again and again, then rushes over to his parents. He holds the swirling snow globe up to his parents with a look of pure wonder on his face. "Look! I make it snow on Dwight! All his beets dead. Now he gotta scrape the windows of his car, too. Pretty funny!" "It sure is, Jim. Hey, buddy, you know Dwight isn't real, right? He's just imaginary." "Yeah, Dwight imagi-ary. He don't exist. He never exist. Pretty funny." Jim mugs for his parents.
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Nov 7, 2022 17:14
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