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Star Man
Jun 1, 2008

There's a star maaaaaan
Over the rainbow

Vandar posted:

Surely they could have gotten ducks from literally anywhere else.

The ducks probably have their wings clipped, so they can't fly away as easily.

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freebooter
Jul 7, 2009

I remembered this scene as taking place at night and the idea was the morph-Controllers had been purposefully staking out the Gardens, but I kind of like the idea more that a) the invasion is reaching such a height that a significant chunk of the city's populace just happen to be Controllers now, and b) they are basically giving the morphing power to every available human-Controller.

Mazerunner
Apr 22, 2010

Good Hunter, what... what is this post?

Zore posted:


Remember when they crashed the G8 in Rhino/Elephant morph?

only as a last resort after failing several infiltration attempts, while also having their attention split dealing with David's shenanigans

e; late edit, but they did plan on secretly revealing themselves to a president/prime minister. So that's what their mindset was for most of the series- only revealing themselves, secretly, to the most powerful individuals in the world, presumably so they could begin secret preparations and counter-ops rather than the military invading a California city.

if they wanted to get people to notice, they could do it instantly just by parading Ax around or having him/Tobias (to preserve their identities) morph. Or telepathically start yelling at people

they take great pains to keep things clandestine unless they have no other option, because they don't want the yeerks to go to open warfare (plus a fear than anyone they trust may be infested, or become infested). They've gradually abandoned that as they realize that the Andalites aren't coming/might be worse and the yeerks are pressing harder, culminating in this book where the plan actually is "ok let's get someone in on this".

Mazerunner fucked around with this message at 21:01 on Nov 11, 2022

freebooter
Jul 7, 2009

nine-gear crow posted:

I'm honestly not sure if I've ever seen a moment in all the fiction I've read that's so quick and so small yet so ruinous to an interpersonal relationship (let alone everything else) as what Cassie tackling Jake so Tom could get away did to her and Jake as people. Jake loving unpersons her for it, and it sticks for the rest of his life (?).

I think he eventually reconciles with her to the extent that he can look her in the eye and talk to her and respect her - I'm thinking, specifically, of their last ever conversation - but their romantic relationship is over forever from this moment. In that last conversation they ever have you can see there's still embers of love there (although it's told from Cassie's perspective, so big pinch of salt) but they know they'll never be able to stir it back into life because the hurt and betrayal is always going to be there too.

Rahonavis
Jan 11, 2012

"Clevuh gurrrl..."

Caught up with this thread just in time for the endgame.

Epicurius posted:

I forget if we ever discussed the different raptors people morph into. Anyone want me to go into that?

I am, as you might guess, always down for bird chat.

:tinsley:

Rochallor
Apr 23, 2010

ふっっっっっっっっっっっっck

freebooter posted:

I think he eventually reconciles with her to the extent that he can look her in the eye and talk to her and respect her - I'm thinking, specifically, of their last ever conversation - but their romantic relationship is over forever from this moment. In that last conversation they ever have you can see there's still embers of love there (although it's told from Cassie's perspective, so big pinch of salt) but they know they'll never be able to stir it back into life because the hurt and betrayal is always going to be there too.

He proposes to her at some point after this. The penultimate book, IIRC?

I found Ax's shunning of Cassie when what she did gets out to be more interesting, even though it only lasted for a couple chapters

Epicurius
Apr 10, 2010
College Slice
Bird Chat will be tomorrow. Today, though, it's time for more chapters.

Chapter 11

quote:

“KYEEEEEEEEER!”

The eagle plummeted.

The roller-coaster car shot down the tracks. Hurtled toward the badly injured body of my friend.

<Tobias!> I skidded down the side of the waterfall, from tree to vine to bush.

The eagle was directly above him now.

The roller-coaster car almost on top of him.

Wuuuumpf.

<What the … !>

The roller-coaster car slammed into the eagle! Brown and golden feathers spewed over the passengers.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!”

Women screamed. Kids cried. Men shouted.

But I wasn’t interested in the passengers.

More brown feathers flashed below. Then, a red tail. A hawk had dropped through the bottom of the elevated tracks.

<Tobias?>

He flapped and swooped toward the sky, both wings strong and healthy.

<What happened?!> I asked.

<No big deal.> He climbed above the tracks. <I just stole your suicidal fake-out maneuver, that’s all.>

<That’s all? Can a gorilla have a heart attack? Because I think I’m having a heart attack. I’m not breathing right. You know that was completely insane, don’t you?>

<Insane, yes. But it worked.> He flapped over the waterfall. <Where’s Ax?>

BANG! CLANK!

A tram car rocked and swayed overhead, on its way from the amusement park to the zoo.

WHAM.

The door banged open, and Ax leaped out, a cougar wrapped around its neck.

They dropped, a ball of cat and alien, free-falling to Earth.

Ax began shrinking. His blue fur melted into a shimmering swirl of green and chestnut feathers. His stalk eyes shriveled. His front legs dissolved. His back hooves flattened and webbed out as his arms broadened into wings. He slipped from the cougar’s grasp and flapped toward the sky.

<NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!>

The cougar’s thought-speak echoed through the park. He writhed, twisted, tried to get all four feet beneath him. He dropped through the trees into the Siberian tiger exhibit.

“RrrrrrrrrrOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAWWWWWWRRR!”

Big kitty battle cries erupted from the pen.

<That should keep him busy for a while,> said Tobias.

He and Ax landed beside me in the man-made jungle. Tobias went mallard. I demorphed then concentrated on the duck.

I’d morphed birds before. A seagull. And an osprey, of course. The osprey and mallard were roughly the same size. But they were built a whole lot different.

The ground shot up as my body shrank. I put out a hand to steady myself, but my fingers were already thinning, shifting. My first two fingers shot out. My pinkie and ring finger dissolved into nothing.

Sploooooooooot.

My bones snapped, realigned, and became hollow. Internal organs moved, re-formed. New ones sloshed into existence. My shoulders shifted up. My hips shifted back. My whole body tipped forward till I was lying on my face.

<Well, this is comfortable,> I said.

My mouth and nose melded together and jutted into the ground. My nostrils slid to the top, and my neck shot straight out, scraping my nose/mouth combo through the dirt. The combo flattened out. Hardened into a long, broad bill.

Sccccuuuurreeeeech.

Orange scales shot down my legs. Claws erupted from my toes, and the skin between them webbed together.

I was a duck. Short, squat, steady. Alert. Tense. A little skittish, maybe, but ready to stand my ground, to defend my territory. In your face, if I had to. And - this part is gross - suddenly overcome by a craving for mosquito larva.

<Ewwww.>

I shuddered and tried out my new mallard voice: “Kwek.” It didn’t sound right. Too low. Too raspy. I tried again. “Kwek. Kwek-kwek-kwek-kwek.”

<I think we acquired a defective duck,> I said. <My quack’s not coming out right.>

<I know a little something about birds,> said Tobias. <And when it comes to mallards quacking, the females are better at it.>

<Ah. So it’s a trade-off. A pretty face.> I tilted my shimmering green head. <Or a big, full bodied quack.>

<The quack’s not the big problem,> said Tobias. <What I’d really like to know is, who thought up this leg/tail arrangement?> He waddled between two fiberglass trees. <Look at my butt.>

<Uh, thanks, Tobias. I think I’ll pass.>

<Seriously,> he said. <Pm sure it’s great for swimming, having the motor in the rear like that, but walking? My legs are so far apart my whole back end bobs up and down every time I take a step. Up and down. Side to side. Like a … like a …>

<Like a duck?>

<Yeah. It’s humiliating.> He swept a wing over his flat duck bill. <And this is just wrong.>

<Tobias, you’ve been a hawk way too long.> I lifted my wings. <Let’s go find the governor.>

Well, a little Tobias bird chat today. He feels superior to ducks too.

Chapter 12

quote:

I pushed off with my feet, flapped my wings, and sprung straight into the air. Through the trees. Above the waterfall.

<Hey, this is cool,> I said. <No long, running takeoffs. No flapping along the ground. When the duck wants to be in the air, he’s in the air.>

Tobias and Ax followed, and we flew over The Gardens. Three identical ducks, morphed from the same DNA.

A flock of seagulls flitted about the food court. We watched them. Listened. Two of the birds suddenly took to the sky.

Controllers? We beat our wings and veered away, looking for a place to land. A place to defend ourselves. The gulls dove for a Frito bag lying behind a trash can. Not Controllers. Just hungry scavengers. We headed back on course.

<I don’t believe I’m saying this.> Tobias. <But I can almost sympathize with Visser One. Now we know what he’s been going through all this time. Dodging every animal he sees, thinking the boogeyman in morph is lurking around every corner.>

We decided three ducks flying by themselves looked a little conspicuous, especially to Controllers who were probably looking for three ducks flying by themselves. So we hooked up with a flock of mallards heading in the direction of the capitol.

We leeched onto the back of their V formation, and flapped off over the mountains.

This wasn’t sleek, soaring raptor flight. With our round heads, long necks, and plump bodies, we looked more like bowling pins with wings.

I was the Energizer Bunny with feathers. The Energizer Birdie. I flapped and flapped and flapped. Fifty miles an hour on a straight, level flight.

<Here’s a question,> I said. <Why haven’t we morphed ducks before? All those times we had to fly long distances, like trying to keep up with the train yesterday, Tobias. Or that time Jake got his guts squashed on the ceiling when we were stowing away in fly morph on an airplane. Why didn’t anybody say, “Long distance? Let’s go duck”?>

<Yes,> Ax agreed. <This is a useful morph. I’m not tired after quite a bit of time in the air.>

<Exactly. Plus we’re flying in formation, and it looks normal. None of that bird-of-prey stuff where we have to fly miles apart and pretend we don’t know each other. No offense, Tobias. I like swooping and gliding and riding the thermals as much as the next raptor, but every bird can’t be a fighter jet. Sometimes you need a steady, reliable 747.>

I scanned the rocks and treetops below. The duck had decent eyesight. It didn’t have binocular vision like an osprey, so I couldn’t judge distances very well. I couldn’t scope out a fish from half a mile away and know exactly when to dive and at what speed and where to plunge my talons into the water to catch it.

But hey, the mallard didn’t need that kind of information. Mosquito larva and barley seed don’t move very fast.

We left the mountains behind and flew over fields and rivers, highways and small towns. We took a mid-morning pitstop on a marshy farm pond, then the flock headed back to the sky. We flew high to take advantage of a nice tailwind and reached the outskirts of a city just before noon. A large white dome gleamed in the distance.

<This is it,> I said. <I recognize the capitol from our third-grade field trip.>

<A domed building?> Ax’s thought-speak was filled with awe. He has a thing for domed roofs. <Excellent living quarters! Well-suited for an important government leader.>

<That’s not where he lives, Ax-man. It’s just where he works.>

<And it’s Saturday,> said Tobias. <So chances are, he’s not there.>

<So chances are, he’ll be at home,> I said.

<Which is …?>

I didn’t say anything.

Ax let out a raspy quack. <We traveled all this way, and we do not know where we are going?> <No big deal,> I said. <We’ve got finesse, remember? We’ll ask directions.>

We discreetly peeled off from the flock and landed in a big mud puddle behind a truck stop. Ax and Tobias dabbled in the water. I waddled across the gravel to the men’s room, waited until it was empty, and demorphed.

I circled to the front of the building and went inside. A skinny woman with teased orange hair sat behind the cash register, leafing through a magazine.

“Um, hi,” I said. “I’m from out of town, doing a little sight-seeing, and I’m wondering how to get to the governor’s mansion.”

She didn’t look up from the magazine. “Beats me. The governor’s never invited me over.”

She flipped to a page of makeup tips. I wandered through the side door to the truck stop’s diner.

None of the waitresses knew where the governor lived. They hollered back to the kitchen, but the cook and the dishwasher were clueless, too.

“Thanks anyway,” I said.

I headed toward the door.

“Need directions?”

I turned. Two bikers were eating lunch at the counter. The big one was looking at me. He bit off a mouthful of burrito and watched me as he chewed.

Did I say he was the big one? I take that back. He wasn’t big. He was huge. His left bicep was bigger than my whole head. His body nearly swallowed the stool he was sitting on. He wore a bandanna around his head and a leather jacket with the name “Chopper” embroidered across the back.

Chopper picked something from his teeth. “Did a drywall job there once.”

“At the governor’s mansion?”

“Yep. The governor’s a real nice person. That job got me back on my feet.” He pointed his burrito at the front window. “This highway out front here? Take it east till you come to the cloverleaf.”

I nodded. Tobias would know where east was.

“Then head north,” he said. “About a mile, mile and a half. Governor’s mansion sits on a bluff overlooking the river. You can’t miss it. Freaky-looking place with towers and little balconies. Like something straight out of The Addams Family.”

If you're curious, here's the actual picture of the California Governor's Mansion. Chopper is right. Governors of California lived there from 1903-1967, when Governor Reagan leased a house in Sacramento. It remained unoccupied (except as a tourist attraction) until 2015 when Governor Jerry Brown and his wife moved in, after major work was done on the house to upgrade the electrical wiring, get rid of lead paint, and bring the building up to modern fire codes. The current governor doesn't live there now....he and his family bought a house in Sacramento, partly, because while the mansion is nice, it is over 140 years old.

Epicurius fucked around with this message at 05:30 on Nov 12, 2022

freebooter
Jul 7, 2009

Even though I know full well the capital is Sacramento, when I imagine Jerry Brown or Gavin Newsom or Arnie, or whoever, I still subconsciously assume they live and work in LA.

Also I totally get how it's a kid's book series and so all throughout, they've always just knocked human-Controllers unconscious etc even while intelligent Hork-Bajir are slaughtered by the roomful. But it's a bit of a weird vibe that human-Controllers morphed to animals have apparently crossed a line into being fair game for the reaper's scythe, even as they scream out for their lives while being devoured by tigers.

QuickbreathFinisher
Sep 28, 2008

by reading this post you have agreed to form a gay socialist micronation.
`
I am become David, destroyer of animals. It's ok because they're just animals.

Soup du Jour
Sep 8, 2011

I always knew I'd die with a headache.

I think that with three books left it’s not a big spoiler that they never acquire this morph so I can bring up another huge missed morph along with the duck one: ladybugs would have been so much better than flies. no one crushes them, they’re just as unobtrusive, so it’s a lot safer overall.

kiminewt
Feb 1, 2022

When do you ever see six ladybugs together? And indoors?

Epicurius
Apr 10, 2010
College Slice

kiminewt posted:

When do you ever see six ladybugs together? And indoors?

As for me, I'm just morphing everything i can catch.

Traxus IV
Sep 11, 2001

it's our time now
let's get this shit started


kiminewt posted:

When do you ever see six ladybugs together? And indoors?

I used to get tons of them in my childhood bedroom at certain times of year, all around the window frames and baseboard heaters

dungeon cousin
Nov 26, 2012

woop woop
loop loop
Ladybugs do have the advantage of being smaller, not so noisy, and less likely to be attracted to a person.

Epicurius
Apr 10, 2010
College Slice
Chapter 13

quote:

We’d followed Chopper’s directions. We found the governor’s mansion and landed in the shrubs in the middle of the circular drive at the front of the house. We demorphed and were now staring at the front door, trying to figure out how to get in.

I peered through a gap in the bushes. Thorn bushes. I hadn’t noticed the thorns when I was standing underneath them as a duck. But now I was human, and I noticed.

And Chopper was also right about the place being freaky-looking. Towers and turrets loomed above us. Vines crept up the dark stone walls and circled the stained-glass windows. Pointy black wrought-iron railings lined the balconies and the roof.

“Man. We should’ve brought our trick-or-treat bags,” I said.
<We need to find your governor quickly,> said Ax, <and convince him to speak to us alone. What does he look like?>

“I’m not really sure,” I said. “Tobias?”

Tobias blinked his beady hawk eyes.

Ax frowned. <But he is the most important government official in your state. Isn’t his picture placed prominently in all your educational facilities?>

“Maybe.” I shrugged. “I never really paid much attention.” I looked at Tobias.

<Don’t ask me,> he said. <My education has taken place mostly outside the established facilities.>

Ax studied Tobias, then me. He shook his head, puzzled. <Perhaps it will not matter. Once we are inside, we will most likely hear someone call him by name.> He narrowed his stalk eyes. <You do know his name?>

Tobias and I looked at each other.

Okay, so I should’ve done an Internet search before we left the valley. Or picked up a state map at the truck stop. The governor’s picture would’ve been right there on the inside flap, with his name printed underneath.

Or I could’ve asked Chopper. He would have known.

<So I take it we’re back to the finesse thing again?> said Tobias.

I shrugged. “It’s been working for us so far.”

Except here I couldn’t just casually stroll through the door and ask directions. Too much security. I peeked through the thorns. A tall stone fence, topped with iron spikes and fitted with an alarm system, enclosed the house and grounds. The driveway twisted through a canopy of trees and ended at a gate in the fence. A state trooper manned the guardhouse beside the gate. Another trooper stood watch outside the front door to the mansion. More troopers were probably stationed inside. Not to mention all the maids, cooks, secretaries, and personal assistants we’d have to get past. Maids, cooks, secretaries, and personal assistants who could be Controllers.

“We use our fly morphs,” I said. “Buzz past the guard and into the house. Nobody’ll notice us.”

<Perfect,> said Tobias, <if we were looking for garbage cans and bathrooms. It’s just a guess, but I doubt he’ll be spending large amounts of time in either of those places. We could fly around that mausoleum all day and never run into him.>

Ax snorted. <Or recognize him if we did.>

Okay. We deserved that shot. I let it go.

“Well, whatever we do, we have to stay small,” I said. “We can’t let anybody see us except the governor.”

We went over our list of possible morphs.

Rat?

Same problem as the fly, only worse. We’d be more likely to be seen. And exterminated.

Flea?

Blind and deaf. And not very mobile unless we caught a ride in somebody’s hair. Plus who wants to put up with the overwhelming need to suck blood?

“Wolf spiders?” I said.

<People see spiders and go insane,> said Tobias. <I don’t want to end up on the bottom of somebody’s shoe.>

“So … what, then? Bat? Chimpanzee? Inconspicuous, friendly looking Hork-Bajir? What else have we got?”

<We have a very large black automobile,> said Ax.

He pointed toward the guardhouse at the end of the drive. A stretch limo had stopped at the gate.

The guard checked his clipboard and motioned the driver through. The limo crunched up the winding drive toward us and pulled into the circle in front of the door. The driver got out, said something to the guard at the front door, then stood by the limo, waiting.

“He’s not here to pick up the butler,” I said. “The governor must be going somewhere.”

<Somebody with finesse would probably go with him,> said Tobias.

I nodded. “Yup.”

Ax is no doubt shocked by the lack of civic engagement among his Earth peers.

Chapter 14

quote:

RUN!

It was the only thought in my little cockroach brain: RUN! OUT OF THE LIGHT! NOW!

I skittered across the pavement toward the long, dark shadow beneath the limo. Every tiny black hair on my cockroach body trembled. Every nerve cell stood at attention. Two other cockroaches, Ax and Tobias, darted alongside me.

The beauty of being a cockroach - well, relatively speaking - is that suddenly you’re Superman. You can be dropped, drowned, blown up. But do you die? No. You simply dust yourself off and scurry away. Get sprayed by a little insecticide? Not a problem. Cockroaches adapt to bug spray. If you are a cockroach, you are nearly indestructible.

And indestructible was exactly what we needed at the moment.

My six legs motored over chunks of gravel that, to my bug body, were the size of garbage trucks. Through cracks in the pavement that were like canyons. My complex eyes shattered the world around me into thousands of tiny images. But I couldn’t stop to piece the picture together. The cockroach recognized light and dark. And it wanted dark.

WOOOOMPH! WOOOOMPH!

The ground quaked.

Footsteps? The cockroach brain didn’t have time to wonder. It just propelled my legs. Out of the light. Into the shadow.

Darkness! Yes!

I was under the limo. My nerve cells relaxed. The roach brain released its grip on the crunchy little roach body. But only for a second.

WHAM!

I didn’t hear the noise as much as feel it. The roach’s body reacted before my human brain had time to register what the sound meant. I shot toward the darkest corner of the shadow.

Ax and Tobias darted behind me. We quivered in the dark.

<Car door?> Tobias.

<That would be my guess,> I said.

WHAM! WHAM!

I jumped. Squeezed into a crack, a corner between the pavement and something big and dark rising up from it. Ax and Tobias huddled beside me.

<If those are car doors,> Ax said, <three of them have now closed. Which means ->

The air exploded around us. Noise. Vibration. Heat.

<It means the driver started the car,> I said. <Let’s go! Move, move!>

I scuttled up the vibrating black hulk that towered above me. A rear tire. I climbed, the claws on my feet like spikes gripping into the rubber.

Up. Over. My feet hit metal. And something else. Thick. Sticky. Axle grease. I slogged through it, six tiny feet dragged down with every step. I had to get across it. Had to get to some nonmoving part on the underside of the car. Had to find a safe place to -

<AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!>

The axle began to move. It was turning. Picking up speed. I clung to it, my feet mired in goo. The axle spun round and round. Faster and faster. Like a washing machine on spin dry.

<AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!>

Another scream. Not me this time.

<Tobias?>

<I’m still on the tire. In a crack in the tread. I think I’m upside down now. No, right side up. No, upside down. Aaaaaaahhhhhhh. Do cockroaches hurrrrrlllll?>

Now that was a good question.

<ls Ax with you?> I said.

<No, I am over here. I do not know where over here is exactly, but it is hot. Very hot. And it is getting hotter. Eeeeee-YOWWWWWWWWWW!>

The limo hurtled down the drive. It probably wasn’t going more than twenty miles an hour, but when you’re half an inch long, twenty miles an hour might as well be the speed of light. Boulders of gravel pummeled me. The axle spun. The limo jounced up and down over the bumps in the driveway. And every hair on my cockroach body screamed: GET OUT. TOO MUCH MOVEMENT. TOO MUCH DANGER. RUN!

But my human brain told me to hang on. Hunker down in the grease and wait until it was safe to move. The spinning and bouncing slowed. The limo rolled to a stop.

<We must be at the gate,> I said. <You’ve gotta get off the tire, Tobias.>

<Uh, yeah. Tell the driver. He stopped with me on the bottom. I’m wedged between rubber and pavement.>

The limo edged forward. Stopped again. I heard a whirring noise.

<He’s waiting for the gate to open,> I said. <Can you move, Tobias?>

<I already have.> He sidled up beside me in the grease.

Another cockroach - Ax - crawled up behind him. <The bottoms of my feet are numb. I may have fried them completely off.>

<Let’s go,> I said. <We don’t have much time.>

I scurried along the axle. Ax and Tobias followed. My antennae hit a thick rubber-coated wire hanging down from the underside of the limo. I gripped it with my front claws and scrambled up. Ax followed.

The limo started to roll. The wire swayed. Tobias lunged for it. Caught Ax’s back legs instead and hung on.

The limo picked up speed.

<I have a bad feeling about this,> said Tobias.

<We’re cool,> I said. <We’re cockroaches, remember? Indestructible. Our hearts can stop beating, and we won’t die. Our heads can get chopped off, and we still won’t die. Well, at least not for a week or so, anyway, until we waste away from thirst and starvation because we don’t have a mouths. But hey, that gives us plenty of time to demorph.>

The car swerved. Thumped through a pothole. Our cockroach bodies banged against the underbelly of the limo. Tobias was still hanging from Ax’s back legs.

<AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!>

We swung back. Banged again. I lost my grip. Twirled around the wire by one leg.

<Forget our hearts and our heads,> Tobias croaked. <If our guts get squashed all over the pavement, it’s pretty much over.>

Team Finesse, everybody.

freebooter
Jul 7, 2009

quote:

Ax frowned. <But he is the most important government official in your state. Isn’t his picture placed prominently in all your educational facilities?>

Unexpectedly disturbing new fact about Andalite society for the dossier

edit - or wait is this actually a joke, in that the governor's picture genuinely would be placed in American schools?

Epicurius
Apr 10, 2010
College Slice

freebooter posted:

Unexpectedly disturbing new fact about Andalite society for the dossier

edit - or wait is this actually a joke, in that the governor's picture genuinely would be placed in American schools?

My school didn't have it, but I think we might have had the President's portrait. It's the sort of thing where I never heard it happening, but I also wouldn't be surprised if I did.

WrightOfWay
Jul 24, 2010


I love Team Finesse.

freebooter posted:

Unexpectedly disturbing new fact about Andalite society for the dossier

edit - or wait is this actually a joke, in that the governor's picture genuinely would be placed in American schools?

I know my high school had a bunch of pictures of various people in the front office, though I can't remember which ones. Not like any student would ever pay attention to the specifics, though.

mind the walrus
Sep 22, 2006

I grew up in schools that didn't have portraits of local politicians in it. Was weirded out to find it's a thing some places.

mind the walrus
Sep 22, 2006

Also lmao at "hey guys.... long-distance with ducks is way easier why the gently caress didn't we do this sooner?"

Rochallor
Apr 23, 2010

ふっっっっっっっっっっっっck
I think DMV or highway rest stops when I think of portraits of the governor up on the wall. I wouldn't be shocked to see one in a school, but I doubt it's common.

Epicurius
Apr 10, 2010
College Slice
No chapters tonight, but i am preparing a little informational guide to the birds of prey that the Animorphs use. and that should, i hope, be done tomorrow.

Epicurius
Apr 10, 2010
College Slice

Rochallor posted:

I think DMV or highway rest stops when I think of portraits of the governor up on the wall. I wouldn't be shocked to see one in a school, but I doubt it's common.

I think pretty much every state office has one. It's just the DMV and rest stops are probably the state buildings you go into or interact with most.

Tree Bucket
Apr 1, 2016

R.I.P.idura leucophrys

Epicurius posted:

No chapters tonight, but i am preparing a little informational guide to the birds of prey that the Animorphs use. and that should, i hope, be done tomorrow.

Haha, awesome. Your commitment to the thread is exemplary.
(also if you could also include a brief summary of the danger posed by each species to small australian passerine birds, that'd be rad. No reason)

Epicurius
Apr 10, 2010
College Slice
Ok, so lets talk birds of prey. or raptors, as they're sometimes called. Now a lot of birds eat other animals to some extent, from the penguin to the robin, but raptors are special. First, all raptors are hypercarnivores. This means that more than 80% of their calories come from meat. They're also known for their good vision, their sharp talons which they use to kill prey, and their hooked beaks, which they use to tear flesh. Between them, the Animorphs have 7 raptor morphs. We'll start with the one that everybody except Tobias has as a backup morph, but nobody has as their primary morph:

Great Horned OwlThe Great Horned Owl (Bubo virginianus) is the only owl morph the Animorphs have. it only lives in the Americas, so it's not of any danger to small Australian passerine birds. Owls, unlike the other birds we're talking about here, are nocturnal, sleeping during the day and hunting at night. Even though they're only about 64 centimeters high, their eyes are about the same size as people, giving them one of the largest eye to body size ratio of all the terrestrial vertebrates. When it comes to hunting, they're opportunists, mostly eating small mammals, like squirrels, other rodents like mice, and rabbits, but also small birds, lizards, frogs, and even fish and insects. They've even been known to eat armadillos, fox kits and coyote cubs. Like most owls, the great horned owl is capable of silent flight, which means they can be on prey before the prey even realizes they're being hunted. They're also the provincial bird of Alberta.

Switching to primary morphs, you know we have to start with Tobias's, the

Red Tailed HawkThe Red Tailed Hawk (Buto jamaicensis), while it's often conflicted emotionally morally and emotionally over its dual nature as human being and hawk, is nevertheless one of the most common of the American hawks. it's range is restricted to North America (no doubt reassuring small Australian passerine birds), its range is all over North America, from Canada to Mexico and Cuba, and it can live in almost every environment there. its primary diet is rodents and rabbits, although its an opportunistic hunter and also eats a lot of birds and reptiles. it's one of the three North American hawk species referred to as a "chickenhawk", but that's not really an accurate name, because even though they'll eat chickens if available and easy to catch, they don't generally hunt chickens. There are 14 different subspecies, one of which, Krider's Hawk, is controversial. it's found in the western US and Canada, and is paler than most other Red Tails, with a bunch of white. it's generally recognized as a subspecies, but there are some biologists who think it really should be considered a separate species.

Now we turn for a minute to Ax's morph, the

Northern Harrier If you saw a northern harrier (Circus hudsonius), sometimes called the ring tailed hawk, you might mistake it for a Red Tailed Hawk. They're about the same size and look similar, although the northern harrier is darker. it's also migratory (although strictly in the US and Canada, meaning that small Australian passerine birds have no need to worry) They almost entirely eat small mammals. An interesting thing about Northern Harriers is that they're one of the few hawk species to be polygamous. A male northern harrier will mate with up to 5 female harriers per mating season.

We also have Marco and Cassie, who's morph of choice is the

Osprey Osprey (Pandion haliaetus), also called the fish hawk, are found in a lot of places, including the costs of the Americas, subsaharan Africa, the coasts of South and Southeast Asia, a band in Europe and northern Asia, and, yes, the coast of Australia. Lest any small Australian passerine birds get nervous, though, over 99% of an osprey's diet is fish, which is why you mostly find them confined to coastal regions. Other than their exclusive fish based diet, osprey aren't particularly notable, although there was a belief in the middle ages that fish recognized the osprey's natural rule over them, and would willingly allow themselves to be caught so as to feed their lords.

There are our hawks, so lets move on to the eagles.

Bald Eagle The national bird of the US, the bald eagle (Haliaeetus leucocephalus) is also Rachel's main raptor morph. A form of fish eagle, they nest in trees, usually near lakes, oceans, and marshes, and their primary diet is fish, although they've been known to eat birds, usually waterbirds and mammals when they get the chance (although, because they're native to America, only American birds, and not small Australian passerines. Most of the mammals they eat are waterdwelling or live near the water also, like seals, although in certain places, they've been known to prey on jackrabbits, for instance too. in the 50s and 60s, the bald eagle was severely endangered and almost extinct, from DDT poisoning and also hunting (bald eagles were seen as dangerous by farmers. There was a false story that they preyed on lambs, and even on babies. it's estimated that in the 1950s, there were only about 400 nesting pairs in the entire continental US. Because of the outlawing of DDT, though, and strict bans on hunting, the Bald Eagle population is coming back, and it's been moved from Endangered to Threatened....still serious, but at least going in the right direction.

we move on now to a bird acquired by David. the

Golden eagle Native to North America and Eurasia, with small populations in Northern Africa (but, much to the relief of small Australian passerines, not Australia), the Golden eagle (Aquila chrysaetos) is one of the largest eagles. They mostly eat small mammals, but have been known to even prey on sheep, goats, owls and falcons. The Aztec sun god, Huitzilopochtli was sometimes portrayed as a golden eagle (more often as a hummingbird, but this isn't about hummingbirds in the Animorphs), and the flag of Mexico has a golden eagle on it, from the legend that Tenochtitlan, which would go onto become Mexico City, was founded after the Aztecs saw an omen of a golden eagle dropping a snake on a cactus. They've also been used traditionally in Central Asia as hunting birds.

Finally, with falcons, we have the

Peregrine Falcon Jake's hawk, the peregrine falcon (Falco peregrinus), as has been mentioned, is the world's fastest land animal, able to dive at over 200 miles an hour. it feeds almost entirely on birds, using its remarkable speed to grab them in the air, and its range is almost worldwide, including having two subspecies in Australia. so if i were a small Australian passerine, i would be very nervous, and find a very safe hiding spot. As far as humans go, peregrines have been used in falconry for a long time. So beware the dart that comes from the sky.

I have to give honorary mention to two other morphs, neither of which precisely fit my category.

The first is the' Kafit Bird a morph that Ax probably has because they're given to Andalite arisths. these are fast birds with sharp beaks that they use to spear their prey. it's probably not actually a raptor, and cross planetary speciation is a no-no, but i still want to note it.

The second is the Deinonychus that Tobias acquired in The Age of the Dinosaur. Given that Michael Crichton and Stephen Spielberg built the Velociraptors on the model of the Deinonychus, instead of actual Velociraptors, I'm giving them an honorable mention. Neither seem dangerous to small Australian passerines. The Kafit bird might, but it lives on a different planet, and the first evidence we have of passerines in the fossil record date from about 19 million MYA, and Deinonychus died out at latest, 65 MYA, it shouldn't be a problem.

Ok, birds were today, and chapters will be tomorrow. Sorry for the delay.

Rochallor
Apr 23, 2010

ふっっっっっっっっっっっっck
Hmm, fascinating research. Might I suggest next making a list of all the biomes each of these birds don't live, so you could immediately tell if one was out of place? No reason, just thought it might be interesting. Kill all Yeerks!

Fritzler
Sep 5, 2007


Interesting bird fact I just learned: Bald Eagles sound kind of underwhelming. Whenever you hear a bald eagle’s cry in a show or movie it is actually replaced with a red tail hawk’s cry! Tobias thanks for looking out for Rachel.

freebooter
Jul 7, 2009

Fritzler posted:

Interesting bird fact I just learned: Bald Eagles sound kind of underwhelming. Whenever you hear a bald eagle’s cry in a show or movie it is actually replaced with a red tail hawk’s cry! Tobias thanks for looking out for Rachel.

Fun fact - a recording of a red-tailed hawk is the second-most commonly used sound effect in film and TV, after the Wilhelm scream. (It's the classic scene-setting noise you associate with someone trekking through a desert while a hawk circles overhead.)

Star Man
Jun 1, 2008

There's a star maaaaaan
Over the rainbow
I didn't know vultures were hawks

Fuschia tude
Dec 26, 2004

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019

Epicurius posted:

Ok, so lets talk birds of prey. or raptors, as they're sometimes called. Now a lot of birds eat other animals to some extent, from the penguin to the robin, but raptors are special.

I somehow went my entire life without ever realizing until last month that 'raptor' is a big umbrella term for hunting birds rather than, like, a species or something.

Mazerunner
Apr 22, 2010

Good Hunter, what... what is this post?

Fuschia tude posted:

I somehow went my entire life without ever realizing until last month that 'raptor' is a big umbrella term for hunting birds rather than, like, a species or something.

derived from latin, where it meant 'plunderer, robber, abductor'

freebooter
Jul 7, 2009

Mazerunner posted:

derived from latin, where it meant 'plunderer, robber, abductor'

The opening chapter of the novel Jurassic Park is still so loving cool

Tree Bucket
Apr 1, 2016

R.I.P.idura leucophrys
Thanks for the raptor guide! Thread delivers, as always.
(Here's an absolutely terrible photo I took recently- birds of prey are unbelievably fast and maneuverable; scary stuff if you're, eg, a small australian passerine)

Roadie
Jun 30, 2013

Tree Bucket posted:

Thanks for the raptor guide! Thread delivers, as always.
(Here's an absolutely terrible photo I took recently- birds of prey are unbelievably fast and maneuverable; scary stuff if you're, eg, a small australian passerine)


Let's Read Animorphs: Scary stuff if you're, e.g., a small Australian passerine

Epicurius
Apr 10, 2010
College Slice
Chapter 15

quote:

I swung around. Snagged the wire with a second leg. And a third. Pulled my remaining legs in and around.

Ax hung on below me. Tobias scrambled over Ax’s back and grasped onto the wire between us.

We clung to it as we shot down the highway at sixty-five miles an hour. Rocks pelted us. Mud puddles drenched us.

Thud-thud-thud-thud. Thud-thud-thud-thud.

The limo thundered through potholes and bumped over metal plates and asphalt patches. We swung from the rubber wire like suicidal trapeze artists.

Thunk.

Banged against the limo above us.

Crunch.

And bounced against the axle below.

<If we get out of here alive,> I said, <I’m writing a letter to the highway department. These roads are terrible.> No one laughed. I guess it wasn’t the time for a joke.

The limo slowed again. Turned. Thudded over a speed bump and rolled to a stop.

WHAM!

<Car door,> I said. <We must be wherever we’re going. Let’s move.>

I dropped to the asphalt. Motored to the edge of the shadow.

<AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!>

And was nearly speared by a lady’s high heel.

Another high heel extended from the limo and thumped to the pavement beside the first. The governor’s wife? I darted toward the pair of heels before she could get away. Scrambled up. Clung to the soft leather as the high heels stepped away from the car.

Suddenly, a man’s leg shot from the limo. The governor? Two cockroaches scrambled across the asphalt, over the man’s wing tip dress shoe, and up the ankle. Then dove into the cuff of the pant leg.

The other leg emerged, and the Wing Tip escorted the High Heel across the pavement and through a glistening glass door.

They strode across a wide room. A hotel lobby? I hung on, my back end dipping down between thick rug fibers, then flying through the cool air every time High Heel took a step.

<Wherever we are,> I said, <it’s someplace nice. The carpet is cushy. And everything gleams. Brass, probably. Marble. Some kind of dark, polished wood.>

A cockroach poked his head up from the cuff of Wing Tip’s pant leg. Ax. <And everything smells lemony fresh.>

Wing Tip and High Heel entered another room. Crowded. Noisy. Bright. I’d been in enough of them to guess it was a ballroom, the dance floor in the center, surrounded by tables.

They wound their way through the crowd of people and stopped at a table at the front of the room. Wing Tip pulled out a chair for High Heel, then sat down next to her. A thick white tablecloth draped itself around their legs.

We sat there for a very long time. Human voices murmured and laughed. Dishes and silverware clanked. High Heel crossed and uncrossed her legs several hundred times. Wing Tip dropped his spoon once. He leaned down to get it, and three cockroaches dove for cover.

<Ax, how long have we been in morph?> I said.

<Approximately ninety-seven minutes.>

<Man. We’re running out of time, and all these two want to do is eat dinner. Think we can demorph and remorph under the table without anybody noticing?>

The clanks and murmurs quieted. A microphone squealed, and a man’s voice boomed through the room. I couldn’t make out all the words. Something about being honored and worthy cause and thank you all for coming. I heard clapping, then music erupted from the front of the room.

High Heel pushed her chair back and strode past tables, chairs, waiters. Wing Tip followed.

They left the cushy carpet and thumped across a wooden floor.

High heel tapped her toe. Stepped forward. Back. Twirled.

<WHOOOOOOOOOAAAAAA!>

I twirled, too. By one leg.

In. Out. Forward. Back. We spun round and round. I dug my claws into the leather and hung on. Other feet kicked and stomped around us, inches from my little cockroach head. I scrambled for shelter on the inside of the heel.

The music ended. High Heel stopped spinning.

<Finally,> I said.

But High Heel stayed where she was. The orchestra began playing again. A slow song. She stepped closer to Wing Tip. Her feet swayed. Stayed closer to the ground. Other dancers’ feet stayed closer to their own bodies. Away from me.

Except Wing Tip’s. His big, gunboats scuffed up against High Heel’s gray pumps. Trounced on her toes. I hid on the inside of her heel, under her instep. About the fourth time he mashed her foot, she kicked his shin. I was starting to like this woman.

Ax’s head poked up from the tweed cuff. <One hundred and six minutes have passed.>

<So, what, that gives us fourteen minutes?> I scanned the sea of legs around us. <We can’t demorph on the dance floor.>

Wing Tip trounced again. I dove for cover. High Heel gave him another swift kick, turned and strode away. She wove her way across the ballroom, through chairs and dessert carts. Wing Tip and two sets of men’s plain black dress shoes followed.

A door opened, and we entered another room. Smaller. Darker. Quieter. A conference room. The door closed, and both sets of black dress shoes positioned themselves in front of it. High Heel sat in the chair at the end of the long conference table. Wing Tip paced.

“I hate this,” he said. “Smiling. Shaking hands. Begging for campaign contributions. Makes me feel like a dancing poodle.”

Campaign contributions? That’s all I needed to hear. Wing Tip was definitely the governor.

And it was show time.

Marco knows the corruption inherent in politics..

Chapter 16

quote:

Ax and Tobias stayed hidden in the tweed cuff. I crawled down the high heel and into the thick carpet under the conference table.

I began to demorph.

My roach body swelled. Up, then out. Like a crunchy brown beach ball. The shattered image of table legs and gray high heels smoothed into one unified picture as my compound roach eyes melded into two human eyes.

<Governor.> My thought-speak rang out. <You might want to sit down. You’re about to see something that will scare the pee out of you.>

Silence.

Then: “Who said that?”

“I don’t see anybody.”

“Is there a microphone in here? Speakers?”

A woman’s voice. “I thought you said this room was secure, Frank.”

I dragged my bloated body across the carpet. Out from under the table, where I could see … and be seen.

<Please be careful, Marco.> Ax’s thought-speak was no more than a whisper.

As I grew, I kept a close eye on the people in the room. The dress shoes turned out to be two plainclothes security guys. Pistol handles bulged beneath their suit jackets.

Wing Tip was tall. Distinguished. Like a TV news guy. Chiseled cheek bones. Aristocratic nose. Perfectly styled hair, fashionably gray at the temples.

High Heel was just the opposite, short and plump. Everything about her was frumpy, lumpy, and gray. Her dress. Her shoes. Even her face. Everything but her eyes. Gray, yes. But a quick, intelligent gray.

She turned those eyes on me. On the black lump of boy/insect growing from the carpet.

And pulled back in horror. Maybe even revulsion.

“Frank?”

She spoke to Wing Tip, but kept her eyes on me. Watched four of my legs bulge into human legs and arms, the other two shrivel away into nothing.

Wing Tip followed her gaze. A strangled cry bubbled up from his throat. “Omigod.” He grabbed one of the security guards by the arm and shoved him toward me.

Both security guys stared. Reached for their guns.

<Governor!> My sideways cockroach mouth melted into lips, teeth, and tongue. “Governor!” I was human now. I stepped toward Wing Tip, my hands in the air. “Tell them not to shoot. Please.”

“No. Don’t shoot. Just watch him. Closely.” It was an order. But it didn’t come from Wing Tip. It came from High Heel.

I turned.

“I am the governor,” she said. Her face was white, her body tense. But her eyes remained steady.

“And who are you?”

The governor? I stared at her. It didn’t even occur to me that the governor could be a woman.

<I won’t tell Rachel if you won’t,> said Tobias.

“I - I’m an Animorph,” I said.

A sharp intake of breath. One of the security guards? I glanced toward the door, where the two of them stood in front of Wing Tip. Was one of them a Controller? Both of them?

The governor frowned. “Excuse me? An Ani - what?”

“I’m one of the good guys.”

I still had my hands in the air. I lowered them. Slowly. Took a step toward her. Mustered up all my charm. My sincerity. My finesse.

Click. Click.

I heard the security guys release the safety catches on their pistols. I kept my eyes on the governor.

“You have to believe me,” I told her. “The entire state - no, the entire planet - depends on it. And you’re the only one who can help.”

The governor studied me. “Flattery, huh? Okay, I’m listening.”

I watched the security guards. The tall one stood open-mouthed. The pistol in his hand trembled. He clearly wanted to run screaming from the room.

But the short one glared at me, his finger steady on the trigger of his gun. Hatred twisted his face.

“That guard.” I pointed at the short guy. “That guard is not going to follow your orders,

Governor. He’s going to shoot me. Then he’ll probably shoot you, too. And your husband. And the other security guard.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” said the governor. “His job is to protect me. He won’t shoot you unless I tell him to. Or unless you attack me. In fact, he’ll take his itchy little finger off the trigger right now.”

She watched the short guard until he did as she said. “And Collins?” She looked at the other guard. “Make sure he keeps it off.”

Collins nodded. He backed up a step toward the door, obviously relieved to be watching another security guard instead of the amazing Roach Boy. If he only knew the horror that was wrapped around Short Guy’s brain.

“Ax? Tobias?” I said.

Two cockroaches crawled from Wing Tip’s cuff, down his ankle, and over his shoe. One of the roaches began growing. The other turned blue, then it ballooned out, too.

Quietly. Inconspicuously. Nobody noticed them at first, two enormous mutant insects half hidden behind Wing Tip’s legs. Tobias’s exoskeleton melted into his bulging body, and feathers popped out.

Ax’s claws turned into hands and Andalite hooves.

Tobias spread his wings and flapped onto a lampshade in the corner of the room.

“Oh!” Collins gawked. “But … where …?”

“A hawk?” The governor stared at him. Stared at me. Frowned.

‘Yes. A hawk!” Short Guy leveled his pistol at Tobias.

Then he saw Ax. Tall. Blue. Almost completely demorphed.

“Andalite!”

Short Guy whirled. Aimed.

“NO!”

I dove. Missed. Short Guy squeezed the trigger. Collins knocked the pistol upward.

BLAM!

The paneling above Ax’s head shattered.

Fwap.

Ax nailed Short Guy with his tail blade. Held him against the wall.

Collins stared at Ax. “Who … wha …?”

<His firearm,> Ax ordered.

Collins nodded. Pulled the pistol from Short Guy’s hand. Backed away.

Tromped on Wing Tip’s foot.

Wing Tip shoved him aside. “Idiot.” He leaned down to rub the footprint from the top of his shoe.

“Okay, now if everybody can stay calm, we’ve got a little story to tell.” I looked at the governor. “It might take a while.”

The governor considered this for a moment. Studied me. Studied Ax. Studied Short Guy.

She turned to Wing Tip. “Go back in to the ballroom. Make my apologies. Tell everyone I’m not feeling well. Assure them it’s nothing serious. A cold or something.” She glanced at me. Narrowed her eyes. “And Frank? Don’t say anything else.”

Wing Tip nodded and slipped out the door.

I watched him leave. He seemed so calm under the circumstances.

Yeah. Too calm. Any normal person would have been amazed, fascinated, creeped out. Wing Tip hadn’t even been shocked by a full-fledged Andalite. I glanced at Collins and the governor. They were still staring at Ax’s stalk eyes, deadly tail and mouth less face.

But Wing Tip had been more concerned with wiping Collins’s footprint off his shoe. As if a four-legged alien were nothing unusual. Nothing new. Nothing he hadn’t seen before. “Governor,” I said, “we have to move. Fast. Tobias? Firepower. Now.”

He doesn't, however know thee sex of the governor. My guess is that Frank's a Frank-Controller, just one who's better at controlling his hatred of Animorphs.

OctaviusBeaver
Apr 30, 2009

Say what now?
The Yeerks could be anyone. They could your teacher, a cop or even your own parents. But usually they're the guy screaming "ANDALITE SCUM!" at the top of his lungs.

Tree Bucket
Apr 1, 2016

R.I.P.idura leucophrys
Aw, Ax didn't say "ninety seven of your minutes."

OctaviusBeaver posted:

The Yeerks could be anyone. They could your teacher, a cop or even your own parents. But usually they're the guy screaming "ANDALITE SCUM!" at the top of his lungs.

It's all about that stealthy subterfuge.
Superterfuge???

freebooter
Jul 7, 2009

quote:

Short Guy whirled. Aimed.

“NO!”

I dove. Missed.

I like the idea that because Marco is so unused to engaging in combat in his own human body that here, he doesn't fail to overpower the adult guard when tackling him, he just... dives at him and misses entirely, lol

quote:

She turned to Wing Tip. “Go back in to the ballroom. Make my apologies. Tell everyone I’m not feeling well. Assure them it’s nothing serious. A cold or something.”

The governor's sneezes are infamously as loud as gunshots

freebooter
Jul 7, 2009

Tree Bucket posted:

Aw, Ax didn't say "ninety seven of your minutes."

Immigrant assimilation at work in the great American melting pot :911:

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Tree Bucket
Apr 1, 2016

R.I.P.idura leucophrys

freebooter posted:

Immigrant assimilation at work in the great American melting pot :911:

Reading animorphs is great. You get to explore a strange culture that is a compelling mix of ferocious militarism, technological prowess and baffling tradition as it grapples with the realities of its own ideals; and also there are Andalites

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