Captain Monkey posted:

It's an important metric that I have to maintain, ok.

For reasons.

some plague rats posted:

This is the problem with exclusively modding the biggest dorks available

RFC2324 posted:

if my ppd drops below 5.3, I can no longer breathe

Frank Frank posted:

Espresso-gone-crazy.com doesn’t exist anymore but they have an Instagram page which appears to be mostly strippers with big asses. Reporting live from the internet, Frank Frank (and his less than enthusiastic wife who he just had to explain this to)

FFT posted:

probe me with a bdelloid you coward

some plague rats posted:

A what

RFC2324 posted:

https://microbewiki.kenyon.edu/index.php/Bdelloid_rotifer

Idgi

RFC2324 posted:

https://microbewiki.kenyon.edu/index.php/Bdelloid_rotifer

Idgi

Platystemon posted:

A bunch of people in the climate change thread got images of a chipper green rotifer as probations once and someone in QCS got really mad about it.

sassassin posted:

Mods know who all the pedos and you get banned if you guess incorrectly.

Platystemon posted:

This quote from PYF Memes in 2017 hits different now that there are two posters on that page permabanned for pedophilia, plus Anime Liker’s ban.

Paladinus posted:

Hogge Wilde guessed correctly and still got banned. The only winning move is not to play.

sticksy posted:

Legit shocked there have been no (reported) fan deaths so far

Literally Lewis Hamilton posted:

Koreans breathing a sigh of relief

Foxfire_ posted:

Qatar world cup thread:

Foxfire_ posted:

Qatar world cup thread:

BaldDwarfOnPCP posted:

that's loving terrible

Mister Speaker posted:

My hog is radioactive

nobody wants to go near it

Platystemon posted:

because it’s radiating beta energy

uber_stoat posted:

If the Ja Rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was Ja Rule?

Read After Burning posted:

There's also these, which is some of the worst substance that has ever touched my tastebuds.

bunnyofdoom posted:

Oh gently caress. Goddamned Buzzballs. I got a story about these loving sad little cocktail grenades.

So my brother and I are in Vegas, as one does in your early-mid 20s and wasting your life away.

We wanderer into a loving pharmacy and saw these frathouse tennis balls sitting there, and thus, we formed a plan.

We each would individually walk into a liquor store and purchase one. Then we would go back to the hotel, and swap. Then we would chug them. Whoever finished theirs last would be forced to go buy a 2nd one and chug it.


So, we get back to the hotel. My brother reaches into his brown paper bag and pulled out the peach flavour and said "Bunny, you are my brother. I love you, I didn't want to hurt you, and I know it's very hard to gently caress up peach flavour"

So I reach into my bag and pulled out a peach one and went "Yeah....same" because I know that it is very very loving easy to gently caress up artificial peach flavour.

So, we crack them, and get the unmistakable scent of fuzzy peach gummies, marinated in urine. We take our sips, and my brother immediately started dry heaving. I say this not with pride, but the deepest shame upon my soul, I knocked mine back without a blink in my eye, and stood there watching my brother in agony, and forced him to finish it.

GD_American posted:

on a related note, don't drunk tweet at the Surgeon General, y'all

WithoutTheFezOn posted:

You didn’t even get a Surgeon General's Warning first?

sexy tiger boobs posted:

Pygmy owl cloacas have superb grip strength.

Volmarias posted:

You haven't really given us enough detail. If the guy had a helmet atop his wounded warrior before the surgery to deal with a ball cancer, and did not afterwards, that seems pretty important and physically obvious. Unless there's reason to suspect they may have already doffed their dong defender before the surgery, which seems to sound like the angle they're going for here in their defense? If there's a chance that they could argue that the emperor had no hat before the surgery and there's no evidence otherwise, your lawyer is probably taking that into account in a calculation.

This is why your friend needs to bring a parade of ex girlfriends to testify that he was strapped in for a high dive, that the court may be impressed by his sexual prowess that clearly existed even after the divorce.

Alternately, introduce your friend to the concept of pegging, and prostate stimulation as a concept, not by sticking something up his rear end unless you're both down with that in which case go live your best life

SplitSoul posted:

Evilreaver posted:

As a court reporter by trade (real time verbatim transcription) these kinds of sentences make me sweat just by reading them. Gah!

Arsenic Lupin posted:

Ooh! How long did it take you to get good at the special machine?

freeedr posted:

Please stop calling my wife “the special machine”

freeedr posted:

Please stop calling my wife “the special machine”

RFC2324 posted:

Nothing special about her

fart gently caress hell 4 posted:

(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)

EorayMel posted:

null_pointer posted:

I like this way more than live laugh love

null_pointer posted:

live laugh love

iwentdoodie posted:

Individual paintings on the wall of carlins words you can't say on television

Paladinus posted:

Now, when you say a white baby lived for one minute, from what moment do you start to count that minute?

BigRed0427 posted:

Is it when the water breaks, when they pop out of the vagina or when the cord is cut?

Edit: it's from conception, isn't it?

indigi posted:

it's from ejaculation. life begins in the load

Dameius posted:

Humans, like trees, grow from the nut.

Arsenic Lupin posted:

Ooh! How long did it take you to get good at the special machine?

Evilreaver posted:

This is the first question I am asked by everyone who learns what I do for a living. Do you want to know the terrible, terrible truth about my profession?

All I get is a regular-rear end keyboard